Private Investigations

Fifty-Six

One of my cures for skin irritations called me that evening, on FaceTime. I hadn’t expected to hear from Amanda Dennis in person, far less by video link, given that the head of MI5 tends to send messages rather than give them in person, but she and I go back a long way, and each of us knows things about the other that would send your average tabloid newspaper editor into a potentially fatal state of orgasmic delight.

‘My chap Houseman passed on your inquiry, Bob,’ she began without preamble. There was something about the way she said ‘my chap’ and the look in her eye as she said it that made me wonder, but I let it lie; I don’t know her that well.

‘Getting info out of defence intelligence is difficult at the best of times,’ she continued, ‘but when you’re asking about one of their nuclear warriors . . . Jesus, you can hear the chains rattle as the drawbridge is hauled up.’

‘Even though some of what I wanted to know is history?’

‘Even though. The military works by a rule book. Its little brain can’t cope without it and nobody has the authority to depart from it in any way. I had to go all the way to the head of their house to get an answer, and even then it had to be across the desk in his office.’

‘With the recorder running, no doubt,’ I suggested.

‘Of course,’ she laughed. ‘We all have to protect ourselves. It’s taken me years to get into this bloody chair. I’m not going to be forced out of it by some dispute over what I did or I didn’t say.’

‘How secure is this?’ I asked.

‘Secure enough,’ she assured me. ‘Even so, no names will be mentioned.’

‘No need,’ I said.

‘No. The first part of the message is thus; on the dates you gave me, the officer in question was on shore leave. At the present time, he’s operational, and not even the Prime Minister could speak to him.’

‘How about the Queen?’

She grinned. ‘Possibly, but only if her husband placed the call, him being the Lord High Admiral.’ She paused, long enough for the smile to fade. ‘This much I can tell you. The man is on a short cruise; there’s a new piece of kit on his sub and they’ve taken it on a proving voyage. They’re expected back at some point in the near future. Does that help you?’

I thought about it. ‘Yes, it does,’ I said. Then I really pushed my luck.

‘You’re joking,’ she exclaimed when I told her what I wanted. Then she looked at me and saw that I wasn’t.

‘Can do?’ I asked.

‘Of course,’ she replied. ‘But bloody hell, Bob, this is going to cost you.’

‘Name your price,’ I said.

‘I want you to agree to join my team. Not full-time of course, but on a case by case basis.’

We’d danced around the subject before but it was a very serious request that she was making. I thought hard before I answered.

‘Okay,’ I told her when I was ready, ‘as long as it doesn’t involve me being a cowboy. I have a young family, and another on the way, and I really would like to see them all grow up.’