Purrfect Crime

Chapter 21

It was dinner time at the Pooles, and as usual Uncle Alec and Chase had been invited. Dad was master of his domain again—in other words, the barbecue set—and before long a wonderful time was had by all. Well, almost all, as Odelia had locked Max up in the house. She couldn’t risk him hanging around all that raw meat. He would have a conniption fit if she tried to keep him away from all that juicy temptation. And to show him she didn’t have a heart of stone, she’d given him an extra helping of Vena’s diet kibble. Not that he seemed to appreciate it. He’d told her there was only so much cardboard one could stomach, and he’d already had his fill and then some.

It was a hard lesson to learn for the big, red cat, but one that was absolutely necessary. If he kept eating like this, he’d simply dig his own grave with his teeth, the poor baby, and she did not want that on her conscience.

Harriet and Brutus had shown up just when the meat was starting to give off its delicious scent, but when she cut a glance to Harriet, the gorgeous Persian had sadly shaken her head. So far she hadn’t discovered a thing. Brutus, who’d immediately pounced on some slivers Dad had cut from the steaks, didn’t seem to have any news for her either. That only left Dooley, but all he said was that he’d finally discovered how she cleaned those hard-to-reach spots in her bedroom, and given her a big, fat wink. Weird. Then she remembered she’d left the computer running. Oh, dear. She hoped she’d turned on Parental Control. There was so much on the Internet her cats did not need to see.

Uncle Alec walked up to her, a can of Heineken in his hand. “And? Any luck with the Cranberry woman?”

“Nope. Turns out she had an alibi, just like everyone else in this case.”

“Dang. She looked promising.”

“She did,” Odelia agreed. “Very promising. Just like the ex-husband looked promising, the boyfriend looked promising, and the leader of the home owner’s association looked promising.”

“Tough day, huh?” asked her uncle, shooting her a keen look.

“Yeah, pretty tough,” she admitted. “We keep catching breaks that turn out not to be breaks after all.”

“What about your cats?” he asked. “They usually provide the telling clue.”

“So far my cats have provided me nothing but trouble,” she admitted, and told her uncle about Max’s embarrassing behavior at Maureen Cranberry’s place.

“So that’s why my meatball went missing from my meatball sub,” said her uncle with a grin.

“It seems he’s eating everything he can get his paws on. Ever since I put him on a diet he’s been totally insufferable. It has taken his focus completely off trying to find Donna’s killer. All he’s interested in is finding food, not clues.”

“That’ll pass,” her uncle assured her. “He just needs some adjusting is all. When your aunt put me on a diet the hardest part were those first few days. Once I got past that it was smooth sailing all the way.”

She glanced down at her uncle’s rotund belly. Pity Aunt Ginny was gone. Alec could have used one of her patent diets right now. But who was going to put him on one? Certainly not her. She had a hard enough time trying to keep Max to his diet, and he was just a cat.

Chase came ambling up, also a can of Heineken in hand. “So? Another long day at the office, huh? Time for some R&R.”

“Speak for yourself,” grunted Chief Alec. “When dinner is over I’m heading straight back to the station. I’ve got a ton of paperwork to finish. What about you, Odelia?”

“I have an article to write,” she confessed. She’d started writing it when they came back from Maureen Cranberry, but she still had to put the finishing touches on the piece. “The paper is going to print tomorrow and Dan wants the article done.”

“On the Donna Bruce case?” asked Chase.

“Yep. I don’t really know what to write, as we’re nowhere near figuring out what happened, but deadlines are deadlines.”

“And what are you up to, Chase?” asked the Chief.

“Well, I was actually thinking about asking out your niece, but I have a feeling she’s about to blow me off.”

Odelia looked up in surprise. “You wanted to take me out tonight?”

“I promised I was going to, remember? And you told me you were going to think about it.”

“I know, but I figured, with this whole Donna Bruce thing…”

He smiled. “There will always be work, Odelia. You can’t let it interfere with your personal life.”

“He’s right,” Uncle Alec grunted. “You never know how much time you’re going to have with your loved ones. If I’d known that back when Ginny was still alive, I’d have spent a lot more time with her. Now it’s too late.” He looked somber for a moment, the memory obviously still haunting him.

Odelia placed a hand on her uncle’s arm. “You had a lot of good years together, Uncle Alec. You should be grateful you got to spend them with Aunt Ginny as long as you did.”

He gave her a weak smile. “You’re right, honey. And I am. Grateful, I mean. I’m just telling you not to make the same mistake I did. Putting work before everything else. This case will get solved, or it won’t. You can’t let that stop you from spending time with this hotshot detective over here. At least if that’s what you want.”

Now it was her turn to smile. “What are you saying? I should give this hotshot detective a shot?”

“He’s not a bad guy,” said Chief Alec. “He’s young and impetuous, of course, but then all guys are at his age. But with some patience and effort I think we might make something out of him yet.”

Chase gave the chief a playful shove. “Thanks, old-timer. I appreciate the vote of confidence. So what about it, Odelia? Wanna catch a movie with this hotshot detective?”

And she was just about to respond in the affirmative, when a wide-eyed young man dressed in a brown uniform showed up in the backyard, carrying a huge box. Judging from the logo on his uniform he was the UPS guy, and when he was done scanning the small group gathered around the barbecue set, he gulped and asked, “Who is Vesta Muffin? I’m looking for a Vesta Muffin.”

Gran seemed reluctant to reveal herself, so finally Mom had to step up and tell the guy, “That’s my mother. Why didn’t you ring at the front door?”

“I did. More than once. Can I leave this with you, ma’am? It’s… buzzing.”

He placed the bulky package on the lawn and quickly took a few steps back.

“Buzzing?” asked Mom, eyeing the package with suspicion. Then she turned to Gran. “Mom. What did you order this time?”

“Nothing,” said Gran. “Must be some mistake.”

“No mistake,” said the UPS guy. “You ordered from donna.vip. Paid extra for special delivery. Though nobody told me the package would be alive.”

His eyes were wide as he offered Mom the gadget to sign. Mom jotted down her scrawl and the UPS guy immediately was off like a rocket. “Thanks!” he yelled and disappeared from view.

They all gathered around the package, and Odelia discovered that the UPS guy had been right: the thing was buzzing.

“What did you order, Gran?” she asked.

“Nothing!” Gran insisted. “You told me to stop ordering stuff so I did.”

Dad bent down, a glass of red wine in his hand, and read from the label on the package. “It says your name right here, Vesta.”

“Must be a namesake. Lots of Vestas around.”

“Vesta Muffin? Living at this address?”

“Sure. UPS screwed up again. Figures.”

She seemed awfully nervous about a simple mistake, though, which told Odelia it wasn’t a mistake at all. The only reason she was mad at the UPS guy was that he’d shown up now, when everyone was there, and not a couple of hours earlier, when she could have intercepted the package.

“Well, I guess we better see what’s inside,” said Uncle Alec, and started removing the packaging. And that’s when something came buzzing from inside the box and attached itself to his nose. He swatted it away, and Odelia got a good look at the culprit. It was a bee!

“Gran,” she demanded. “Tell me you didn’t order a bunch of bees!”

“Of course not!” Gran said. “I’m not crazy. Who orders a bunch of bees?! Not me!”

They all worked together to remove the wrapping, and found themselves staring down at an actual beehive! And its inhabitants were obviously not very happy at having been cooped up for so long, for more than a few of them started flying through the cracks in the cage and zooming around.

“Christ!” Uncle Alec yelled. “Who in their right mind ships a bunch of bees with UPS?!”

“Vesta,” said Dad phlegmatically, swatting away a couple of bees buzzing around his wine.

“I think we better call the fire department,” Chase said. “Before they all escape and attack us.”

“No!” Gran yelled. “You know how much these little suckers cost me?!”

“So you did order them!” Mom yelled, ducking a few particularly pesky bees.

“Of course I did! I need bee therapy! It’s going to completely rejuvenate me! I’m going to look decades younger!”

“You’re crazy!” Uncle Alec screamed, now running around the yard, chased by a horde of bees.

“Let them sting your butt!” Gran yelled. “It’ll clear that cellulite of yours right up!”

And then, as if the bees had gotten the message, the cage completely collapsed, and the entire swarm zoomed up into the air, then swept down upon the Pooles.

“Nice, Mom!” Uncle Alec yelled. “I’ve been stung!”

“That’s great! You needed it!”

Odelia wasn’t sure if she needed it or not, but she was pretty sure she didn’t want it, so when a dozen bees attacked her, happy to have found a target, she screamed and ducked for cover. It took another half hour for the fire department to arrive, and make short shrift of Gran’s bee menace. Gran wasn’t happy that her investment was being rounded up and taken away by the burly men in red, but the rest of the family definitely was. By the time the last bee had been taken into custody, it was late.

“So much for our date,” Odelia told Chase as she watched the firemen inspect the hive.

“I’ll take a rain check,” said Chase, scratching at a particularly nasty-looking bee sting.

“I’m sorry about this, Chase. My family is crazy.”

“That’s okay,” he said with a grin. “I’m not all that compos myself.”

He placed an arm around her shoulder and she leaned her head against his chest. Between the murder they had to solve and Max’s diet shenanigans and her grandmother’s Donna obsession, she was glad at least one person in her universe still had his feet on solid ground. And as she watched a red-faced Dad furiously cut up his credit cards, Gran looking on sadly, she had to laugh.

“That’s the spirit,” Chase murmured. “When you can’t beat the crazies, join them.” And he placed a tender kiss on her lips.

“Ouch,” she said, pulling back. “Bee sting.” Right on her bottom lip of all places. Gah.

“Didn’t you hear your grandmother? Your lip will look decades younger in the morning.”

“Oh, to hell with it,” she muttered, and kissed him right back.