Purrfect Heat

Chapter 18

We plodded down the stairs in Odelia’s wake. I was feeling pretty exhilarated. This mission had been a success. I actually felt like James Bond or something: sneaking into hotel rooms to spy secrets and stuff. The only difference between James and me was that there hadn’t been a pretty girl waiting in that hotel room but a big, hairy dog. Story of my life, I guess.

“So what’s next?” Brutus asked. The mission had cheered him up.

“Next is that we need to get rid of this Diego character,” I said.

Brutus shook his head. “It can’t be done, Max. Didn’t you hear Odelia? He’s here to stay.”

“Not if you make him go away,” I said.

“Me? How can I make him go away?”

“You just have to put your paw down, Brutus. You have to lay it all out for him. You have to show him who’s the boss.”

He paused halfway down the stairs. “And how am I supposed to do that?”

“The same way you showed us who’s boss,” I said. “Remember when you first arrived in town? How you told us you were the cat of a cop and you were laying down the law from now on and a bunch of little sissy cats weren’t going to stand in the way of you achieving world domination?”

“Um, I don’t think that’s what happened,” Dooley said.

“It’s how I remember it,” I said. “And that’s what counts. What it all comes down to is that you have to cat up, Brutus. Girls like a strong cat. A cat who tells it like it is. Who takes no crap from no one, and definitely not from some nasty skinny-ass cat like Diego.”

Throughout my little pep talk, Brutus was perking up. He was almost looking like his old self again. Whether this was a good thing or not remained to be seen. I was pumping him up. Boosting his ego. He might just as easily turn against us. Side with Diego and make our lives a living hell. But I didn’t think so. We had an actual opportunity here to make Brutus our ally and not our enemy and we had to take it. The enemy of my enemy is my friend, or something along those lines. And since Diego was clearly the bigger of two evils here, Brutus needed to become our friend.

“For once I think you’re right, Max,” Brutus said, his eyes displaying a malevolent gleam. “For once I think you might be right on the money.”

I didn’t like this ‘for once’ nonsense. In my humble opinion I was always right. But I wasn’t going to let a little thing like that ruin the moment. “You have to waltz in there and take back your sweetheart,” I said.

“Wait, what?” asked Dooley.

“You have to simply grab her and plant a big, wet one on her lips and tell her that daddy’s home and no one is going to take her away from you.”

“Um, Max?” Dooley asked. “What are you doing?”

“I’m going to squash that little pipsqueak like a bug!” Brutus growled. “I’m going to storm in there and take my girl back from that… that… nincompoop!”

“Well said,” I said, putting my paws together for an impromptu applause.

“And I’m going to do it right now!” Brutus said.

“No time like the present,” I agreed.

“I’m going to bulldoze that crappy cat into the ground!”

“I love the sentiment,” I said with genuine admiration.

And Brutus stalked off. “Watch me going!” he shouted.

“I’m watching you going and I’m inspired!” I shouted back.

Both Dooley and I watched Brutus storm down the hotel steps, into the lobby and out that treacherous revolving door.

“Max!” cried Dooley the moment the big brute was out of earshot. “What have you done?!”

I smiled. “I’ve handled two problems in one stroke of genius, Dooley. I’ve turned an enemy into an ally, and I’ve rid ourselves of this annoying Diego. Don’t congratulate me now. You can do that when all this is over.”

“I’m not going to congratulate you! Brutus was down, and now you’ve gone and boosted him all up again!”

“I know, right. Isn’t it great?”

“No, it’s not! He’s going to kick Diego out of the house.”

“Which is what we want, remember?”

“And then he’s going to turn on us!”

I gave this some thought. “No, he’s not. He’s our friend now.”

“Brutus is nobody’s friend! A cat like that can’t be friends with anybody. He’s like Niklaus Skad. Stepping on people and putting them down makes him feel good. Once he’s done stepping on Diego who do you think he’s going to step on next?”

“Um, nobody? Because he’ll be happy that Diego’s gone and he’s got Harriet back and he’s going to be grateful to his new best friends. Us!”

“No, he’s not! He’s going to keep putting cats down. He’s going to kick us out next!”

“No way. We’re his friends. We stood by his side when he was down and out.”

“It doesn’t work like that, Max. He’s going to feel embarrassed because we saw him when he was down. He’s going to want to take revenge. He’s going to come down harder on us than on anyone else.” He closed his eyes. “This is the end. You just created a monster and set him loose on us.”

“I don’t think you’re right, Dooley,” I said, though I had to admit he made a very convincing argument. It was true that bullies like Brutus hate to look weak. And we’d seen him at his weakest. At his lowest. We’d even seen him—gasp!—cry. Now that he was strong again—and boosted by the victory over Diego—he just might become fully insufferable. And vindictive.

“We watched him weep, Max. He’s never going to forgive us.”

“Let’s just wait and see,” I said. “I’m sure he’ll be just fine. Tonight we’ll all be sitting on the couch. Odelia, you, me, Brutus and Harriet, watching a great movie, and having a laugh about all of this. All friends together, right?”

He merely shook his head.

“Right? Dooley?”

He stared at me with accusing eyes. “What have you done, Max?”