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I thought about this for a moment, and then I saw what Odelia was trying to say. Officially, she was putting Harriet in charge, but in actual fact I would be the one in charge, as usual. She just wanted Harriet tothink she was in charge, to boost her self-confidence and to give her something to do other than run around with Brutus and make a total fool of herself. So I winked at Odelia.“I get it,” I finally said. “Harriet is in charge, but reallyI’m in charge, huh?”

“No, Harriet is in charge, Max.”

I laughed.“Sure. She’s ‘in charge’ but I’min charge. Gotcha.”

“Whatever you say, Max,” she said, and parked the car. “And here we are.”

My smile vanished.“Eep.”

Odelia had brought along our cat boxes, though I’d assured her this wasn’t necessary. We would walk into Vena’s on our own four paws, head held high, pride intact. But Odelia didn’t seem to trust my word or Dooley’s, for she shoved us into our respective carriers and then we were off. God. This was so humiliating…

Once inside, she parked us on the floor and went off in search of Vena.

“I don’t like this, Max,” said Dooley as he looked out at me through the slats. “I don’t like this at all.”

“Me neither,” I intimated. “It’s like we’re prisoners all of a sudden.”

“We are prisoners. About to be prodded and poked and stabbed with needles.”

I closed my eyes. I hated needles so much just the thought made me weak at the knees. Not that I had any chance of standing up in this cramped box. Dooley, who’s a lot smaller than me, at least had some wiggle room, while I filled out this entire box. My butt was pushed up against the back, my nose against the front, and I could hardly move. Good thing I’m not claustrophobic! And to think Odelia said she got me the biggest carrier she could find. I’d already told her she should have gotten me a dog carrier. They come in the bigger sizes. But she said she still had to be able to carry me.

Just then, another person came in, carrying a box containing a scared-looking cat. I knew that cat. It was Shanille, the conductor of cat choir, and the person carrying her was none other than Father Reilly himself.

“Hey, Shanille,” I said. “So you’re up for it, too, huh?”

“Hey, Max,” she said softly. “Dooley. Yeah, I fought hard, but to no avail.”

“You’re not sick or anything are you?”

“Sick? Why would I be sick? I’m the healthiest cat alive. No, I’ve got a tick.”

I frowned.“A tick? What’s a tick?”

“Beats me. Father Reilly says I have a tick, so we had to come to Vena to get rid of it.”

“It’s a heart condition,” said Dooley. “Has to be. Humans call the heart the ticker. What Father Reilly probably meant to say was that you have a problem with your ticker.”

“I don’t have a problem with my ticker! My ticker is just fine. He said tick, not ticker.”

“Yeah, Dooley,” I said. “If it was her ticker they wouldn’t want to get rid of it, would they?”

“Unless her ticker is broken. They’d want to replace it with another ticker.” His eyes suddenly went wide. “Oh, God. Is that why I’m here? They’re going to remove my ticker and put it in Shanille? But I don’t want to die! I’m too young to die!”

“Tick, not ticker,” I reminded him. “A tick is obviously not a ticker, so your ticker is perfectly safe.”

He didn’t seem to buy it, still looking worried. “We should Google it,” he said. “The Google knows everything. The Google knows what a tick is.”

“It’s notthe Google, Dooley,” I said. “It’s Google, without the article.”

“What article?”

“Forget about it.”

“So what are you guys here for?” asked Shanille.

“Me, to have my tick removed and implanted in you,” said Dooley dully, “and Max to have his morbid obesity taken care of.”

“I’m not morbidly obese! I’m big. It’s genetic.”

“You have gained a lot of weight, Max,” said Shanille. “You should probably go on a diet.”

“I’m not going on a diet! I hate diets! And I’m not overweight. I’m just big, that’s all.”

“You don’t even fit in that cage. You’re pressed up against the sides like a balloon. You look like something that exploded inside that cage and is now sticking to the sides.”

“Nice, Shanille. And here I thought you were my friend,” I grumbled.

“I’m just looking out for you. At the rate you’re going you’re going to have trouble with your ticker soon. I know because Vena told me last time I had an enlarged heart and I had to go on a diet.”

“You don’t look overweight,” said Dooley. “In fact you look just fine.”

“I know, right? That’s because I went on the diet.”

“Look, my ticker is fine,” I insisted, not liking the direction this conversation had taken.

“Oh, my God!” Dooley screamed. “They’re going to take my ticker and implant it in you, aren’t they?! Because your ticker is on the fritz. That’s why I’m here! I’m gonna die!”

“Nobody is going to have their ticker removed, Dooley,” I said with an eyeroll. “My ticker is fine, your ticker is fine, and Shanille’s ticker is fine. See? We’re all fine.”

“Except that I have trouble with my tick,” said Shanille.

“I’m pretty sure that’s not a life-threatening thing,” I said.

“You never know,” said Dooley, still panting hard. He was looking around nervously, at the posters on the wall warning pet owners about the various diseases they needed to monitor their dearly beloved pets for. “I could have rabies, or an upper respiratory tract infection, or kidney failure, or ringworm or zoonosis or hookworm infection or toxocariasis or gingivitis or giardiasis or sporotrichosis or bartonellosis—”

“Stop, stop!” Shanille yelled. “You’re making me sick.”

“I know! That’s because weare sick! Why else would we be at the vet?!”

“We’re just here for our annual checkup,” I reminded him. “Just like humans have to visit the dentist once a year, we visit Vena once a year. That doesn’t mean we’re sick or dying. That just means Odelia wants to make sure we’re fine, all right? She loves us and wants to take care of us.”

“All right,” he said, settling down somewhat. Then his eye fell on one particular poster and he gave a loud yelp. “Tick—tick—tick!” he cried, pointing his paw.

Shanille and I looked in the direction indicated and saw a large picture of the most horrible creature I’d ever seen in my entire life. It looked like a giant red spider, and it was burrowing into the skin of some poor hapless pet. “Oh my God!” I squeaked.

But Shanille shrieked the loudest.“Get it off me! Get it off! Get it off! Get it off!”

“Get away from me!” Dooley squealed, trying to shift his cage further away from Shanille’s by rocking back and forth. “Help! Help! It’s gonna jump on me—I can feel it! Help me!” Finally, he managed to overturn his cage, toppling to the floor. Unfortunately, it toppled the wrong way, and now he was right next to Shanille and screaming even louder. “It’s crawling all over me!” he screamed. “I can feel its claws digging in! Heeeeelp!”

Suddenly Odelia, Father Reilly and Vena appeared in the doorway, alerted by the loud cries of three felines. Only Odelia could understand us, of course, and when she did, she had to suppress a chuckle. To her credit, she took immediate action. She righted Dooley’s carrier, then lifted mine, and carried us both into Vena’s consultation room. Off we were, into the lion’s den…

Chapter 9

“They’re dying to see you,” Odelia told Vena. “In fact they were so anxious they were meowing up a storm.”

“Liar,” I said, but she ignored me.

Dooley was still frantically scratching himself all over.“The tick!” he cried. “The tick is on me! It’s got me!”

“There is no tick on you,” I said. “If that tick has dug itself into Shanille it’s not going to jump ship. Shanille is way tastier than you.”

“She is not!” Dooley said indignantly, but he seemed quietly relieved. I think he probably knew that if a tick has a choice between Shanille and him, there’s no question.

“So. My two favorite cats!” Vena said, planting her hands on her sizable hips. Vena is a big and powerfully built woman, cast from the same mold that has produced the likes of Arnold Schwarzenegger and John Cena. Then again, if you’re going to pull calves from cows you probably have to have superhuman strength.

“Hi, Vena,” I said quietly.

She grunted approvingly.“I think he likes me, Odelia.”

“Oh, he loves you. They both do. In fact they can’t wait to come and see you.”

“And with good reason! They know I’ve got their best interests in mind!” She laughed loudly, and snapped the latches on our carriers, then picked me up and placed me on the examination table.

I gulped as I plunked down. I knew I had no other choice. If I tried to escape she would simply grab me by the scruff of the neck and haul me back. And that’s when the prodding and the poking began, just like I’d anticipated.

“Shouldn’t she be doing me first?” asked Dooley. “The tick…”

“There is no tick!” I yelled, losing my patience. In my defense, I was under extreme duress, as Vena’s hands had just prodded me in the belly, one of my many sensitive areas.

She proceeded to pull my ears, check inside them with a flashlight—probably in search of hidden treasure—and wrench my mouth open to check my teeth. All the while, she made these low grunting sounds that scared the bejeezus out of me. Finally, she placed some kind of round metal object against my chest, stuck what looked like a pair of earphones into her earsand frowned thoughtfully.

“Ha ha!” I yelped as she dug that metal thing into my fur. “It tickles!”

She staunchly ignored me, Odelia’s hands firmly holding me down, Vena listening intently. I remembered from last time she was only trying to listen to my heartbeat but it was still scary.

“Myes. Myes,” the vet finally muttered. “Just what I thought. Your cat is fat, Odelia.”

“What?!” I cried. “Not true! I’m big-boned! It runs in the family!”

“I know,” said Odelia, gently stroking my fur. “I noticed this morning when he had trouble jumping up on the bed.”

“The mattress became bigger overnight!”

“Yep,” said Vena, patting my head. “That is one obese tabby.”

“It’s the breed! I’m a tiger cat. We’re big. We have to be, so we can prowl the jungle.”

“Is that true?” asked Dooley from the floor. “Are you really a tiger cat?”

“It’s something I read on The Google,” I said desperately.

“I thought it was just Google, without the article?”

“Shut up, Dooley! I’m fighting for my life here!”

“I indulge him too much, don’t I?” asked Odelia.

“Don’t beat yourself up, honey,” said Vena. “A lot of people do. But he has to go back on a diet, I’m afraid. If not, all that fat is going to start taxing his heart. I can hear a definite murmur, which tells me his heart has to work too hard. Over time, he might also develop diabetes anda host of other ailments. So if you want to keep your Max happy and healthy, you’re going to have to do the work.”

“I am happy,” I said, though that stuff about diabetes and murmurs kinda gave me pause.

“Did you hear that, Max?” asked Odelia, bending down to look into my eyes. “If I want you happy and healthy I’m going to have to put you on a diet. And you know what that means.”

“Oh, God, not again,” I muttered.

“I love you, Max. I don’t want you to get sick on me, you hear? I need you fit and healthy.”

“I hear you,” I said resignedly. Murmurs and diabetes? Who needs that crap?

“Do you still remember what you gave him last year?” Vena asked.

“I think I kept the receipt.” And while she and Vena worked out my diet, I jumped from the examination table. I landed with a dull thud, and Odelia looked down, then nodded. “Yep. Too fat.”

“I’m sorry, Max,” said Dooley commiseratingly. “If you want, you can have some of my food.”

“No, I better not,” I said, plunking down on the floor. To be honest, I was starting to feel the strain of carrying all this extra weight around. Vena was probably right. I wasn’t as agile as I used to be, and it wasn’t a lot of fun. And I had an obligation as a feline sleuth to help Odelia, and I couldn’t do that if I couldn’t even chase suspects around now could I?

“So you’re actually going to do this?” asked Dooley.

“Yep. Looks like I am.” I heaved a deep sigh. “The things I do for my human…”

And then it was Dooley’s turn. He was picked up and subjected to a similar examination. When it was all over, he asked in a tremulous voice, “Am I going to die?”

Odelia smiled.“What’s the verdict, Vena?”

“He’s a little too scrawny for my taste,” said the doctor. “Not enough muscle tissue. I think he needs to go on a diet, too. Only a protein-building diet.”

“Oh, God—I don’t want to go on a diet!” Dooley cried. “I’m not fat!”

“You’re going to have to eat more, Dooley,” Odelia said.

He abruptly stopped his whimpering.“Eat more?”

“You’re too skinny.”

“Too skinny? Is that even possible?”

“What about parasites?” asked Odelia. “Or ticks?”

“He’s perfectly fine—they both are,” the doctor assured Odelia. “But like I said, Max is too fat and Dooley is too skinny. So you’re going to have to put them both on a diet.”

And thus ended our annual visit to the vet. Dooley was going to have to eat more and me… less. Bummer! Then again, it could have been worse. We could have suffered from any of the diseases listed in Vena’s waiting room. Or… ticks. And as we rode back home with Odelia, I shivered when I thought of Shanille. There would be no more choir practice for a while. At least until I was reasonably sure that Vena had taken care of our conductor’s tick problem. Brrrr!

Chapter 10

Odelia thought it was a little awkward to go the gym in the middle of a murder investigation, especially since she’d already spent so much time with the cats at Vena’s, but a promise was a promise. She and Chase had decided to be gym buddies and there was no way she was going to weasel out now.

She’d dumped her gym gear into the pickup before she set out for the vet, and now parked her car in front of the gym, which was located in a strip mall just outside of town. The same strip mall housed what had once been The Vitamin King, a health food store operated by Donovan Rubb, who’d used it to sell drugs and other illegal substances beneath the counter. Since Rubb was busted, the store now housed a nail salon, and not a bad one either.

She let the cats out of the car. They could use some fresh air after the ordeal they’d gone through at the hands of Vena. They’d taken it well, she thought, all things considered, and she had to resist the urge to buy them both a treat. No more junk food. From now on, they were going on a strict diet, Dooley to bulk up and Max to slim down.

She slung her gym bag over her shoulder and walked up to Triple Platinum Gym. It was rumored that some of the celebrities that visited the Hamptons trained here, or at least the ones who didn’t have a private gym installed at their multi-million-dollar mansions. She looked up when the roar of a motorcycle sounded behind her, and a leather-clad biker rode up on a powerful machine. He waved at her so she waved back, wondering if this could be Brad Pitt or Leonardo DiCaprio, ready to lift some weights. When the biker removed his helmet and shook out his shoulder-length hair, however, a smile curled up her lips.

“Hey, Chase. You certainly know how to make an entrance.”

He directed a cheeky grin at her, his eyes smiling.“Thanks. So are you ready for the workout from hell?”

“I’m ready for a workout, without the hell. I haven’t been to the gym in years,” she reminded him, “so go easy on me, will you?”

“Sure thing, babe,” he growled and stepped from his machine.

She frowned. When had he started calling her babe? Maybe since they’d started kissing as if it was a regular thing?

He walked up to her and bent over, planting a wet smooch on her lips that made her stomach perform a double flip. Then he pulled her against his black leather jacket and repeated the procedure, only this time putting some tongue into play. When he finally released her, she thought she heard tweety-birds singing in a nearby tree. It could have been her imagination.

“Let’s go, babe,” he said, slinging an arm around her and directing her inside.

The gym was crowded, its patrons the usual mix of hot-looking trim chicks and equally hot-looking buff dudes. People were grunting as they hoisted stacks of iron while others were shedding what could have been their body weight in sweat as they raced an imaginary opponent on the stationary bike while watchingKeeping Up with the Kardashians on the overhead TV screens. Loud rock music was blaring, the sound mixing with that of the TV screens, and somewhere near the back the Hells Angels seemed to be holding a convention, as pony-tailed middle-aged men were encouraging other pony-tailed middle-aged men to put in‘one more rep, Rudy!’ Odelia smiled. She hadn’t realized how much she’d missed the club.

She said goodbye to Chase as she headed into the locker room and when she re-emerged, dressed in obligatory skintight lycra in the prerequisite loud colors, she saw that Chase had already reserved a station for them. It was the cable pulley machine for the back, and Chase was pulling down on the wide iron bar, the muscles in his back well-defined. She expelled an involuntary gasp. The man was huge! Dressed in a tank top and biker shorts, he was also exceedingly hot, and she had to resist the urge to stare at his pronounced front bump.

“You started without me,” she said as she walked up.

He grinned and let the weights fall down on the stack with a loud clanging sound.“Just a few warmup reps. So what do you wanna do?”

“I thought about limiting myself to the cross trainer today. Start building up that cardiovascular endurance again.”

“Or we could do some weight training first, and then finish off the session with some cardio.”

She shrugged. She wasn’t exactly a pro at this kind of stuff, and he definitely had more experience. “Have you been doing this long?”

“I started when I was sixteen, so you might say that’s a long time. My dad used to take me to the gym. I was a skinny kid and he thought I could use some bulking up. And since I was also a shy kid I was being bullied a lot and he figured some weight training might help with that as well.”

“And did it help?”

“It did. Most bullies are cowards. They don’t like to pick on guys that are bigger than them. And it didn’t take me long to get a lot bigger. Of course I had a strong incentive. These days I just do it to stay healthy and strong.”

“So no ambitions to compete?” she asked, pointing at a poster announcing an upcoming bodybuilding competition.

“Hell, no,” he said with a laugh. “To be absolutely honest I’m not sure it’s entirely healthy to do this stuff professionally. It’s a completely different ballgame.”

“It sure is,” she said as she watched a guy as big as a house pose in front of the mirror. With his veins popping and his muscles clearly visible beneath his skin, he looked a little scary. ”So what did you have in mind, coach?”

“Sit yourself down, little lady,” he said with a drawl, “and I’ll tell you exactly what I have in mind.”

So she sat down, and after he’d changed the pin in the stack, she grabbed the handles and pulled down hard. It took her some time to get into the groove again, but then she remembered this had always been one of her favorite machines, and soon she could feel her blood pumping and her heart pounding. It was a great feeling and she gave Chase a grateful smile. “This feels good!”

“Of course it does.”

She wiped her sweat with her towel and they headed for the next machine, this time focusing on chest muscles. And as they walked from machine to machine, doing a full back and chest workout, she said,“There’s been a lot of rumors going around.”

“Oh? About what?”

“About us.”

Chase was lying on a low bench, pressing two dumbbells up in a lateral motion.“Us, huh?”

“Yep,” she said as casually as possible.

“And what are they saying?”

“Well, ‘they’ seem to think we’re in a hurry to tie the knot.”

“And is there a reason for all this hurry?” he asked with a grunt as he lowered the dumbbells.

“They think I’m pregnant and wouldn’t like to walk down the aisle with a baby bump.”

He grinned as he sat upright, toweling his face.“Pregnant, huh? What do you know?”

“Yeah. It came as something of a surprise, to be honest.”

“Not to me.”

“It doesn’t?”

“Nope. I think when you take into consideration how those two lovebirds have been behaving—kissing any chance they get—it’s hardly surprising an accident would happen. And a shotgun wedding is the only way to go to spare the parents the embarrassment.”

“Those two lovebirds, huh?”

“Yep.”

“Kissing all over town.”

“That’s right.”

“Strange. As far as I know they haven’t even gone on their first date yet, not to mention that she is not aware of the way he feels about her as he hasn’t said a peep.”

“Not a peep, huh?”

“Not a single squeak.”

“What if I were to tell you that he figures all those times he joined her for dinner at her parents’ place counted as so many dates? And that the reason he hasn’t told her how he feels is that he didn’t want to rush into things?”

“I’m sure she doesn’t count a dinner at her folks as a date, seeing how she didn’t even invite him but he more or less was her uncle’s plus-one. And as for rushing into things, he should keep in mind that she’s perfectly capable of telling him when she’s feeling rushed and so far she’s feeling anything but rushed. Quite the opposite. She’s starting to wonder if he has any feelings for her at all.”

They stared at each other for a moment, then Chase took out his water bottle and quaffed deeply.“You know what?” he asked when he was done. “I think you’re right. Tagging along as your uncle’s plus-one doesn’t constitute a date. So why don’t I ask you out on a proper date right here, right now? Odelia Poole? Will you join me for dinner and a movie?”

She smiled.“I’ll think about it.”

“Why, you…” He made a grab for her but she deftly avoided his hands and fluttered off with a giggle. When she looked back, he was chasing her, a playful expression on his face. She squealed and darted away towards the back of the gym, stared after by the troop of Hells Angels, who seemed to enjoy the spectacle, judging from their loud cheers.

She flew out the back door and found herself in a small courtyard, where some old iron barbells and benches stood, probably used by the most hardcore fitness fanatics. As it was, the courtyard was empty, and as she searched around for an escape route, Chase was already upon her. He swept her up in his arms, and then kissed her deeply. She went under and gave herself up to his passionate embrace. There was nothing equivocal about his kisses this time. The man might not be great with words but his lips still told her everything she needed to know. As did his hands, which quickly roamed to places they’d never roamed before. And she wouldn’t have minded if he lay her down on one of the benches right now and had his way with her, if not a choir of voices suddenly alerted her to the fact that they were no longer alone.

“Why are Chase and Odelia fighting?” asked Dooley.

“They’re not fighting, Dooley,” said Max. “They’re kissing.”

“Kissing? But then why are his hands all over her?”

“That’s all part of the ritual. Humans who like each other touch each other all over.”

“Gran likes Odelia but I’ve never seen her touch her like this.”

“I think it’s romantic,” Harriet gushed. “The most romantic thing I’ve ever seen.”

“I think it’s disgusting,” said Brutus in his gruff voice.

“Brutus! It’s love!”

“It’s a lot of bodily fluids going into a lot of weird places. It’s unhygienic is what it is.”

“Brutus! You’re a brute!”

With extreme regret, Odelia extricated herself from Chase. It was a little hard to be caught up in the moment with this Greek choir commenting on her every move.

“Something wrong?” asked Chase, his face flushed.

She gestured with her head to the four cats, who sat on top of the wall looking down at them.

“That’s just a bunch of cats, babe.”

“That’s a bunch of my cats.”

He looked again and did a double take.“Christ, you’re right. What are they doing here?”

“I took Max and Dooley to the vet. Brutus and Harriet must have wandered off on their own.” She could hardly explain to Chase how the foursome was eager to solve the murder of Donna Bruce. She sat upright, pushing at her blond bob and adjusting her top, which had slid down with a little help from Chase.

Chase looked like he wanted to chase the cats away, but managed to resist the urge. He cleared his throat.“So what about that date, huh?”

“I would love to,” she said gratefully.

He smiled broadly.“Then it’s a date. Oh, and Odelia?”

“Mh?”

He fixed her with an intent look.“I like you. I like you a lot.”

She returned his smile and took his face in her hands.“I like you, Chase. Very much.”

And then they kissed again, only a little less exuberantly than before, but no less heartfelt.

“Aah,” Harriet gushed.

“Ugh,” Brutus groaned.

Chapter 11

We all rode home with Odelia. She was very chirpy after her time spent at the gym. I thought it probably had something to do with hormones. When humans work out, they release something called endorphins in their brains, which make them feel happy. Or it might be all the kissing and groping she was doing with Chase. If this kept up, she’d soon have babies, which is something that tends to happen when humans kiss a lot. Female humans suddenly have baby humans. I have to admit I was not looking forward to that at all. I kinda liked the arrangement we had right now: me, Odelia and Dooley had a great thing going here. We didn’t need another little human to come in and ruining everything. Not to mention that Chase would move in and seriously cramp up our style.

Odelia was so happy she had a stupid grin on her face all the way home, and didn’t say a word.

“So what did you find out about the murderer?” I finally asked, deciding that someone had to take things in hand and steer them on the right track again.

“Huh?” asked Odelia, snapping out of whatever daydream she was living.

“The Donna thing? We are still trying to find out who killed that poor woman, aren’t we?”

Odelia looked at Harriet, whose turn it was to ride shotgun, the three of us ensconced on the backseat.“What have you found out so far, Harriet?”

Harriet seemed taken aback. She probably hadn’t expected that leading an investigation was going to involve actual, you know, leading an investigation. “I, um…” she began, darting a desperate look at Brutus. But that big lug wasn’t much help either, as he just sat there, lost in thought. Probably still trying to get the image of Odelia and Chase out of his mind. I didn’t blame him. Watching humans smooch is a traumatic experience.

“Um…” Harriet repeated. Then she seemed to get an idea, judging from the way her furry face suddenly lit up with what might be termed the light of intelligence. Though it might also have been gas. “We could do an Internet search!” she exclaimed.

Odelia’s eyebrows rose. “An Internet search?”

“Yeah. Donna Bruce was an Internet entrepreneur, so there’s bound to be a lot of stuff about her on the Internet.”

“Oh, I’m sure there is,” said Odelia, though she sounded a little disappointed. When you have four feline sleuths at your disposal, an Internet search isn’t exactly what you’re looking for. She probably could do all the Internet searches she wanted to do herself. But being the good sport that she was, she smiled at Harriet and said, “Knock yourself out, honey.”

Harriet beamed, directing a triumphant look at me. I held up my paw, claw up, in a sign of appreciation, but under my breath I told Dooley,“What a chump.”

“Huh?” asked Dooley, waking up from a stupor.

“Harriet is going to do an Internet search on Donna. She hopes to find the killer that way,” I told him, just in case he hadn’t been following the conversation, which obviously he hadn’t. “And Odelia thinks it’s just the way to go.”

“And isn’t it?”

“Of course not. What are we going to find on the Internet that will lead us to the killer? I mean, it’s not as if whoever murdered Donna posted a message online announcing the fact. Nobody is that dumb.”

“Right,” said Dooley, descending into his stupor again.

I frowned at him.“What’s the matter with you? You’re awfully quiet all of a sudden.”

Dooley nodded.”Right,” he muttered, clearly not listening to a word I said.

I gave him a nudge.“Hey. What’s going on with you?”

He looked up.“Mh? Oh. I was just thinking is all.”

That immediately had me worried. When Dooley starts thinking, it’s bad news, as his cerebral capacity is too limited to allow for more than the occasional fleeting thought about food. It was obvious he was overtaxing his brain in a way that could prove detrimental. “Thinking about what?”

“Do you think Odelia and Chase are going to be married?” he asked finally.

“Yes, I do,” I said, understanding dawning. He’d been thinking along the same lines I had.

“I mean, what with all that kissing that was going on back there… The next step is usually that they get married, right?”

“I’m afraid so,” I said with a sigh.

“So who’s going to give Odelia away?” he asked. “I know she’ll probably ask you, seeing as that you’re her cat and all, but I consider myself her cat, too, and I love her a lot, so I would like to be considered for the honor as well.”

I looked up sharply.“That’s what you’re worried about?!”

He nodded sheepishly.“You’re my best friend, Max, but giving Odelia away would be like a dream come true. And since I figure she’s not the type to get married more than once, this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, so…”

I rolled my eyes. I saw what was going on. Marge was a big fan of the Hallmark Channel, and Dooley must have caught a lot of those slushy romantic movies lately, and gotten the idea in his head he was supposed to give away the bride or something.“Look, Dooley,” I said, wondering how to launch into this without upsetting him. “The thing is that in this tradition it’s not the woman’s cat who gives her away. At least not to my knowledge.”

He frowned.“But I thought it was the one who loved her the most who gave her away? And there’s no one who loves Odelia more than me.”

“Well, I love Odelia a lot.”

“Oh, I know that. But I love her more.”

“How do you reckon that?”

“I just have a more loving personality, I guess. You have to admit that you can be something of a curmudgeon sometimes, Max. I mean, you live with Odelia and probably don’t appreciate what you’ve got. Since I don’t live with Odelia, but still get to spend a lot of time with her, I obviouslyappreciate her a lot more, which means I also love her a lot more.”

“That’s just not true!” I said a little heatedly. “I appreciate Odelia just as much as you do, maybe even more, and I love her more because she’s my human, not yours.”

Dooley raised his chin.“She may nottechnically be my human, but since I’m more lovable she loves me a lot more than she loves you.”

“You’re more lovable?I’m more lovable! And Odelia lovesme the most.”

“She does not. She loves me the most!”

“Does not!”

“Does too!”

“Not!”

“Too!”

“Guys, guys!” said Odelia, who must have overheard the discussion. She glanced at us through the rearview mirror. “Let’s keep it civil.”

“Odelia, Dooley says he loves you more than me,” I complained. “But that’s not possible, is it?”

“You’re arguing over who loves me more? Aww, that’s so sweet,” said Odelia.

“I love you the most,” said Dooley, “which means I get to give you away, right?”

“Give me away? Why would you want to get rid of me? I thought you just said you loved me.”

“It’s a tradition. Marge told me all about it. When a woman gets married, the one who loves her the most gives her away to the guy she’s getting married to. And since you’re getting married to Chase, I want to be the one to give you away.”

Odelia laughed.“Dooley, I’m touched that you would want to do that, but first of all, I’m not getting married anytime soon.”

“You’re not?”

“No, I’m not. And secondly, I’m pretty sure my dad would like to give me away. That’s also part of the tradition.”

“Your dad?” asked Dooley, disappointed.

“See?” I said. “I told you.”

“You’re not getting married?” asked Harriet, also entering the discussion.

“No, of course not. Who said anything about getting married?”

“But… you were kissing Chase.”

Odelia smiled indulgently.“Look, I like Chase. I like him a lot. And because I like him so much, I also enjoy kissing him. That’s what humans do. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to marry him.”

“Oh,” said Harriet, looking confused. She’d obviously been watching the same goop as Dooley. Damn that Hallmark Channel. Putting all these weird ideas in cats’ heads.

“I still think it’s disgusting,” Brutus muttered, making a face. “Yuck.”

“Brutus!” Harriet cried. “It’s not disgusting. It’s beautiful.” She sighed. “It’s love.”

“Well, not love, exactly,” I said. “It’s more a matter of hormones.”

“Oh, it is, is it?” asked Odelia with a laugh.

“Yeah. I don’t know how it works, exactly, but I’m pretty sure pheromones feature into the thing pretty heavily.” See? I don’t watch the Hallmark Channel but the Discovery Channel. That’s why I’m smart and the others are all dummies.

“It’s not all about pheromones, Max,” said Odelia softly, and she got that faraway look in her eyes again. I didn’t know why she got that look, but I’m pretty sure it had something with hormones, too. Whenever humans act funny, hormones are your safest bet. Just trust me on that.

We’d arrived home and Odelia dropped us off at the house. She walked in to get a bite to eat from the fridge and then installed us in front of the computer, so we could do ‘Internet searches’ to our hearts’ content. And just when Harriet had clicked on her first key, the doorbell rang. And asOdelia went to answer it, the glass sliding door opened and Gran waltzed in. “Is he here?” she asked in that croaky voice of hers.

“Is who here?” I asked suspiciously. I just hoped Gran hadn’t set up some kind of date with a man in Odelia’s house. After all that kissing stuff back at the gym I didn’t know how much more of this human lovemaking thing I could take right now.

“The UPS guy, of course. Who else?”

Just then, Odelia returned with a bulky package, a puzzled look on her face. When she saw Gran, that puzzled look turned into one of concern.“Please tell me you didn’t order any more Donna Bruce stuff, Gran.”

“Of course I ordered more Donna Bruce stuff,” Gran snapped. “I’m an old lady. I’m bored. I need to buy stuff so I can entertain myself. It’s what old people do.” She held up a bony finger. “And don’t give me that you’re-too-old-for-this-stuff crap. I get that enough from Tex. Now gimme.” And with these words, she snatched the package from Odelia’s hands and placed it on the living room table. In next to no time she ripped away the packaging and revealed the contents within.

I’d jumped down from the desk that held the computer and onto the chair that gave me a better vantage point to examine this new package. What I saw frankly worried me. There was a black mask, a whip of some kind, a pair of handcuffs, something that looked like a paddle, and a fuzzy, fluffy thing that may or may not have been a tickler. Huh?

Gran produced a fat chuckle and grabbed this new loot in her arms and started distributing it amongst the many pockets of her dress.“Pity Leo’s gone. He would have loved this stuff.”

“What is it?” asked Dooley.

She directed a keen look at him.“None of your business. You’re a little too young to know.”

“Are you going to arrest someone with those handcuffs?” asked Harriet.

“Sure. One hot stud—at least that’s what I hope.”

“Gran,” said Odelia reproachfully. “You can’t keep doing this. Dad’s going to kill you when he finds out.”

“Who’s going to tell him?”

“He’s going to know when he looks at his credit card bill.”

“They don’t itemize stuff. I’ll just tell him it’s adult diapers.”

“He’s your doctor. He would know if you needed adult diapers.”

“I’ll tell him it’s preventive. What?” she added when Odelia gave her a critical look. “It never hurts to be careful about these things.” She flicked the whip a few times, a look of relish on her wrinkled old face. “I’m gonna have so much fun!”

And then, before we could ask her any more questions, she was gone—out the door quick as a flash.

“I still don’t get it,” said Dooley. “That stuff is never featured on the Hallmark Channel.”

“It’s not on the Discovery Channel either,” I said, equally puzzled. I turned to Odelia. “Is it featured on any channel?”

“Yeah, are we missing something?” asked Dooley.

Odelia smiled.“Oh, it’s on a channel, all right, but not one destined for babies like you. Now, are you going to help me out with this Donna Bruce thing or not?”

Dutifully, we hopped down from the table and returned to our Internet search. Even with me and Dooley pooling our knowledge, gleaned from the Hallmark Channel and the Discovery Channel, there obviously was still a lot about the human experience that was alien to us. A lot of strange and wonderful things that were out there. But first… we had a murder to solve.

Chapter 12

Ransom Montll? lived in a dilapidated boarding house near the main road out of town. When Odelia and Chase arrived, a seedy-looking individual with a beer belly and a brown-bagged bottle of liquor in his hand sat playing fetch with his dog out on the front porch. He threw a stick in the direction of the road and the dog fetched it and returned it to the man’s feet. Each time the dog ran off, the man took a swig from his bottle, then bent down to pick up the stick and threw it away again.

They mounted the creaky porch, avoiding the one broken step, and Chase brought out his police badge.“Are you the owner of this establishment, sir?”

“That, I’m not,” said the man, slightly slurring his words.

“We’re looking for Ransom Montll?.”

“That, I am,” said the man, and hiccuped. He frowned at Chase. “Am I in some kind of trouble, officer?” He held up his liquor bottle, wrapped in the brown paper bag. “This is not what it looks like.”

“It’s not?”

The man shook his head decidedly.“Apple juice. Just plain old apple juice.”

“That’s fine,” said Chase, taking a seat next to the former producer. “I’m not interested in your juice, old-timer. My name is Chase Kingsley and this is Odelia Poole.”

“Nice to meet you, missy,” said Ransom, tipping an imaginary cap in Odelia’s direction.

“We’re looking into the murder of Donna Bruce.”

The man’s face turned into a scowl. “Donna Bruce? Someone murdered that old hag?”

“She wasn’t that old,” said Odelia.

“But she was a hag,” said the man, nodding to add emphasis to his words.

“And why is that, exactly?” asked Chase.

“She went out and ruined me, didn’t she?”

“What happened?” asked Odelia.

“Well, she was going to be in one of my movies. You may have heard of it.A Star is Born.”

Odelia frowned.“Wasn’t that with Barbra Streisand and Kris Kristofferson?”

“There’s also a version with Judy Garland and James Mason,” said Chase.

She looked at him admiringly.“You know your classics.”

“Big fan of old movies,” he intimated.

“So we were shooting a new version,” said Ransom, cutting through their chitchat, “and I had personally tapped Donna Bruce for the lead. I thought she’d be just great.”

“I didn’t know she could sing,” said Odelia.

“Oh, she could sing all right.”

“So she was really going to do this?” asked Odelia. “But I thought she retired from acting.”

“This was way before that funny website she built,” said the former producer. “Way, way before, back when the name Donna Bruce conjured up images of wonderful movies, and not golden dildos and the like.” He chuckled freely, then dissolved into a coughing fit. When he came out of it, he continued, “So everything was set. We had our stars, we had our director, we had one of the major studios on board, and that’s when tragedy struck.”

“A storm?” asked Chase. “A freak storm destroyed the sets?”

“Not a storm.”

“A stuntman died,” said Odelia knowingly. “Or a stuntwoman. Donna’s stunt double would have to be a woman, obviously.”

“No one died,” said the man, shuffling annoyedly.

“So what happened?” asked Chase.

“If you will just let me finish I’ll tell you what the hell happened!”

“I’m sorry,” said Chase. “Please continue.”

“I will,” he said, throwing the detective a look of censure. “Donna Bruce walked out, that’s what happened. And since the studio was dead set on her, that was also the end ofA Star is Born.”

“Wait, she walked out of the movie?” asked Odelia.

“That’s what I just said.” He raked his fingers through his wild mane of gray hair. “Said she was sick and tired of being an actress and she was going to start a family instead. So she walked out of what would have been the best part of her career.”

“So what did you do?”

“What could I do? I sued, of course!”

“You sued Donna Bruce?”

“Of course. She was ruining a movie I’d already sunk a big chunk of my own money in. So I sued.” He sagged a little. “And lost.”

Odelia glanced around at the rundown porch, paint peeling everywhere, the clapboards crooked and rotten in places, and the porch creaky and on the verge of collapse.“And then you ended up here,” she said softly.

The man nodded and took a swig from his‘apple juice.’ “Lost everything. My production company, my marriage, my life. And I’ve got Donna Bruce to thank for it.”

“It’s an odd coincidence that you ended up living not far from her, then,” said Chase.

The man laughed a humorless, hacking laugh.“Me not living far from her? Her not living far from me! I was the first to discover Hampton Cove. Used to live down the lane from the Donna Bruce place, long before she ever moved here. This was when I was still a big shot in the movie business. I had a condo in New York, a mansion in LA, another mansion in Colorado, and a beach house in Florida.” He gestured at the old porch. “Now this is my home, and Flea over there is my best friend.”

Flea, who’d patiently been waiting for Ransom to throw the stick again, his tail pounding the floor and his tongue wagging excitedly, gave a short bark. Ransom picked up the stick and threw it as far as he could aim it, which was a little too close to the road this time. A truck came roaring up, just as Flea hurtled into the road to pick up his stick.

“Flea!” cried Ransom, rocketing up from his seat.

But luckily the dog was smarter than his owner, for he deftly avoided the truck’s fender, waited patiently until he was safely out of the way, and then picked up his stick.

Ransom sat back down again, shaking his head.“Dumb dog,” he muttered.

Dumb human, Odelia thought, also shaking her head.

“So where were you this morning between seven and eight, Mr. Montll??” asked Chase.

“Right here on the porch, sipping my juice,” said the producer. “Why do you want to know?”

“That’s when Mrs. Bruce was murdered,” said Chase.

“Murdered!” the producer cried. “Donna Bruce was murdered?!”

“Didn’t we already establish that?” asked Chase with a frown.

“Murdered!” muttered the producer, staring before him. Then a keen look came into his eyes. “So that’s why you’re here, bugging me with all these questions.” He thought for a moment. “If I were you, I’d take a long, hard look at the husband. Tad Rip. He was the main reason Donna pulled out ofA Star is Born. Wanted his wife all to himself. Jealous of her career and jealous as hell of her co-stars.”

“So jealous he forced her to stop acting?” asked Chase.

“Pretty much. Couldn’t handle his wife being more successful than him, I guess.”

Odelia shared a look with Chase. This was the second person who’d pointed at Tad Rip as a potential suspect.

“Did anyone see you on your porch this morning at seven, Mr. Montll??” asked Chase.

“Of course.”

“Who?”

The man gestured at his dog.“Flea saw me. And he’s as honest as can be.”

Chase grimaced.“I’m afraid I’m going to need a human witness, sir.”

The man gestured around.“Ask anybody. They’ll all vouch for me. I never leave this porch. Heck, I almost live on this porch these days.”

“Don’t you have any plans to return to the movie business?” asked Odelia.

The man smiled a crooked smile.“Oh, I’ve got plenty of plans, honey, but no money to back them up. And ever since the Donna Bruce thing no friends to help me out, either.” He patted Flea’s back. “Except for Flea here. He’s been my loyal companion for years. Wouldn’t dream of deserting me, would you, old buddy?”

The dog barked once, acknowledging his master’s words. For an ex-green beret, Ransom Montll? looked pretty harmless, Odelia decided. And what was more, he hardly looked capable of carrying out such a sophisticated murder. Stealing and transporting a beehive, breaking into Donna’s house, locking her into her sauna and siccing the bees on her? Not exactly his cup of tea.

Chase seemed to feel the same way, for he thanked Mr. Montll? for his time, and then they were off.

“I don’t think he did it,” Chase intimated as they returned to their cars.

“I don’t think so either. And if he wanted to kill Donna, he would have done it years ago. And not way out here in the middle of nowhere with his brown paper bag and his dog called Flea.”

They looked back at the boarding house and Ransom gave them a wave. Odelia waved back. No, he looked harmless enough, she reckoned.

“Sad story, though. To be on top of the world one minute and down in the dumps the next.”

“Yeah, almost like the story ofA Star is Born,” Chase said. “Donna Bruce went on to become a big star with her website, while her mentor became a washout.”

“Ransom was her mentor?”

“Sure. Ransom Montll? was the man who gave Donna Bruce her very first shot at fame and stardom. He cast her in her breakout role. A prostitute with a heart of gold who gets involved with an honest man who tries to get her out of that racket.”

“The remake ofPretty Woman?”

“No. The remake ofIrma la Douce. Though I prefer the original.”

“Of course you do. So what’s next?” she asked, leaning against her car.

“Now we talk to the ex-husband.” He tapped the side of his nose. “And if my intuition is right, he just might be our guy.”

Chapter 13

It took us a long time to find out anything from the Internet. Cats aren’t exactly equipped to work on computers. For one thing, we don’t come outfitted with a set of digits that make for good typing, and if you use your claws it’s easy to totally wreck a regular computer keyboard. So Harriet tried to use her paw pads, but that proved really hit and miss. And we were just about to give up, when Dooley saw a picture of a nice kitty on the screen and touched it with his paw.

“Don’t touch the screen!” I yelled, but too late. And then the small picture of the kitty suddenly blew up into a big picture of the same kitty and we all stared at it.

“What just happened?” asked Brutus.

“I don’t know,” said Dooley. “I touched the screen and something changed.”

“Do it again,” Harriet urged.

So Dooley touched the screen again, careful not to use his claws, and the screen changed again, this time to a set of pictures of the same kitty posing up a storm.“So weird,” he said, staring from his paws to the screen. “Do you think I have magical paws? That must be it, right? I must have magical paws.” A look of absolute delight came over his face. “Imagine what I can do with my magical paws! Maybe everything I touch changes into something else!” And to try out this new theory of his, he immediately touched Harriet’s face.

“Hey!” she yelled, slapping his paw away. “What do you think you’re doing?”

“I just wanted to change your frown into a smile,” he said sheepishly.

Harriet’s frown only deepened, debunking Dooley’s magical paws theory.

Meanwhile, Brutus had also put his big paw on the screen. Nothing happened and he growled with annoyance.“Stupid screen,” he grumbled.

“I think it’s one of those touchscreens,” I said, a memory stirring in the back of my mind. The computer Odelia had set up for us was her old work computer, and I seemed to remember her once telling me something about it being one of the first models with a touchscreen. Since I had no idea atthe time what a touchscreen was, I hadn’t really paid any attention to her words, but now it dawned on me. You touch the screen, and something happens!

“Touch that kitty,” I told Brutus.

“You’re not touching that kitty,” Harriet said when Brutus made to follow my instructions.

“But it’s not a real kitty,” he said now.

“I don’t care. You are not touching that kitty, Brutus, and that’s my final word!”

“So you touch that kitty,” I suggested.

“What? Eww! I’m not that kind of cat, Max.”

I groaned.“Okay, so I’ll touch the kitty.”

“Can I touch the kitty?” Dooley asked. “I like touching kitties.”

That much was obvious. Dooley placed his‘magical’ paw on the kitty’s face and suddenly it morphed into a ‘bio’ page, which told us the kitty’s name was Susan and she possessed a sweet and disarming personality. She also liked taking long naps on the couch and chasing her own tail.

“I like chasing my own tail!” Dooley exclaimed. “Looks like me and Susan are a match made in heaven.” And since he was having so much fun, he kept on putting his paw on the screen, scrolling down the page to read more about Susan’s daring and exciting habits.

We watched the phenomenon with fascination, and for the next five minutes found out everything there was to know about Susan, including her love of belly rubs. Only when Harriet had finally wrested back control over the computer, she managed to steer the Internet search in the right direction again. Half an hour later we were up to date on Donna Bruce, thanks to the power of the touchscreen and the tendency of the Internet to remember everything about everyone. Turned out Donna used to have a boyfriend, something even Odelia probably didn’t know. His name was Dexter Vald?s and he was the spitting image of Ricky Martin, only about two decades younger. For some strange reason, all the pictures we could find featured Dexter with naked torso, though that could have been Harriet, of course.

“It says here they broke up,” she said, having found a site called TMZ. “It also says Dexter felt emasculated in his boy toy role, especially after Donna wrote a blog post on donna.vip about him and his tiny wiener.” She looked up. “What is a wiener?”

“It’s a kind of sausage,” I said knowingly. “Some people really like it.”

“I like sausage,” Brutus grunted.

“Me too,” Dooley chimed in.

“Me too,” I said with a wistful sigh. No more wieners for me in the near future, though. Odelia had already tucked my usual kibble away in a safe place where I couldn’t find it, and replaced it with the special diet kind that tasted like cardboard. From now on, and until the scale dipped below what Vena had determined was my ideal body weight, it was the only food I was going to get, and no more than one bowl of the filthy stuff either.

Brutus gave me a smirk.“No more wieners for you, huh, Max?”

I scowled at him.“You don’t have to rub it in.”

“I believe I will,” he said. “You always told me your bulk was all muscle. Well, as it turns out that was a big, fat lie. It’s all flab, just like I thought.”

“It’s not flab. It is muscle. I just have too much of it is all.”

“You can’t have too much muscle,” he said, flexing his shoulder muscles. “No, just admit it, Max. You are one flabby tabby.”

Dooley laughed at this, but when I turned my scowl on him, he quickly stopped.

“Guys,” said Harriet urgently. “I don’t think Donna was referring to Dexter’s sausage after all. Her blog post was all about his… performance.”

I noticed her ears had taken on a reddish tinge, and her eyes were glittering brightly.“Performance? What performance?” I asked. Anything was better than to have to listen to Brutus’s taunts about my ‘bulk.’

“I think she was referring to his… sexual performance,” she said. She then turned to us, eyes wide. “I think a wiener is… a pee-pee.”

Now we were all staring at the screen, eagerly drinking in the details of Donna Bruce’s blog post. I’m not a great reader, but it soon became clear to me that the article was a lot more revealing than any human male would have appreciated. Not only was there a lot of talk about Dexter’s pee-pee and its lack of size and performance, there was also a long bit about his endurance or lack thereof. All in all, the piece wasn’t entirely flattering to Donna’s boy toy, and I could understand why the two of them hadn’t been a couple at the time of Donna’s untimely demise.

“But why would she write all that?” I asked. “That’s just a lot of very private stuff.”

“Some people are like that,” said Harriet knowingly. “They just enjoy sharing all of their private things with the world.”

“Judging from that TMZ article Dexter didn’t agree.”

“No, it must have hurt his chances with other females,” said Brutus. “No woman likes a guy with a small pee-pee.” When I frowned at him, he quickly added, “At least that’s what I’m guessing. Personally I have no problem in that department.”

Harriet gave him a small smile.“No, you definitely don’t.”

“Size matters,” said Dooley knowingly, and we all turned to him. “It does,” he said defensively. “The bigger the sausage the more meat. And we all like meat, don’t we?”

I slapped my brow.“Dooley, do you still think Donna was writing about meat?”

“Of course she was. A wiener is a kind of sausage. That’s what you just said.”

“It’s also a pee-pee,” I said. “Which is what Harriet just said.”

“What is a pee-pee?” asked Dooley with a frown.

Harriet groaned.“Oh, Dooley.”

Chapter 14

Odelia and Chase found Tad Rip, the illustrious ex-husband of whom they’d heard so much by now, presiding over lunch while a nanny had a hard time keeping his two boys in check. Sweetums and Honeychild turned out to be six-year-old twins, and quite a handful. Mr. Rip himself appeared distraught when Odelia and Chase were led out onto the patio by an assistant. The house where he lived was still under construction, as bare bulbs dangled from the concrete ceiling and boxes stood piled up all over the place.

“Don’t mind the mess,” said Tad, who looked like a million bucks in a power suit and a stylish pair of expensive sunglasses. “I just moved in last week.” He gave them an apologetic grimace. “Great timing, as it turns out.”

“Our condolences for your loss,” said Odelia as she took the proffered seat at the table.

“Thanks. Donna and I were divorced but she was still the mother of my boys. Cut it out, will you!” he hollered at the two rascals, who were hitting their nanny with super soakers. The girl screamed, trying to evade the twin beams of water.

“I didn’t know the kids were with you,” said Chase, looking out across the immaculately landscaped garden. At least that part of the house was ready. “It was my understanding that Mrs. Bruce had sole custody and denied you visitation rights?”

“She did,” said Tad as he removed his sunglasses and rubbed his eyes. “But lately we’d become civil with each other again. We were even on speaking terms—we just talked last night, actually, mainly about the boys’ future. Our divorce might have been acrimonious but for the sake of Sweetums and Honeychild we decided to put our differences aside and work things out. Which is why I moved back out here—to be closer to the boys. I was going to have them every weekend while they spent the week with their mother.”

“What’s going to happen now?” asked Odelia.

The man shrugged, and she noticed the bags under his eyes.“No idea. I guess I’ll have them full-time from now on. Not what I was counting on but I’ll manage. I’ll have to.”

They stared out at the kids, who were now chasing the nanny around the yard.“They seem to have taken the news pretty well,” said Chase.

“It hasn’t sunk in yet. I told them this morning what happened—that their mommy now lives with the angels in heaven, looking down on them from up above. They thought that was pretty cool. Like Superwoman. I guess it’ll take them some time to come to terms with the whole thing.”

“I’m sorry to have to ask you this, Mr. Rip,” said Odelia, “but where were you this morning between seven and eight?”

“You can ask me anything you want. I just hope you catch whoever did this before they strike again. I was trying to wake up the kids. We were going to church and I needed them to get ready.”

“Is there anyone who can vouch for you?” asked Chase.

“Sure. Elsie was here—that’s the nanny. And Germaine—the housekeeper. Oh, and you just met Herman—he’s my executive assistant. And then there’s the executive protection detail—Franz and Hans. They guard the boys twenty-four seven.”

“They all live here?” asked Odelia.

“Yeah, they do. There’s also Arnold—the driver—but he doesn’t live on-site.”

“And they were all here with you when Mrs. Bruce was killed,” Chase said, just to make sure.

“Yeah, they were. A man in my position is rarely alone. I can’t afford to be. I’ve got a billion-dollar company to run and now I’ve got a family to think about as well. A lot of moving parts so any helping hand is more than welcome.”

“Do you have any idea who might be behind the murder of your ex-wife, sir?” asked Odelia.

The man frowned and rubbed his jaw.“Well, if I had to venture a guess, I’d take a long, hard look at Dexter. That’s Dexter Vald?s. He was Donna’s boyfriend for a couple of years, though they broke up not so long ago. Dexter has had a few bad things to say about Donna, especially after she wrote that article about him on hersite. I guess he didn’t take it too well.”

“Why? What happened?”

The business tycoon smiled.“Donna liked to live her life out in the open—for the world to see. She held nothing back, which was one of the reasons our marriage failed. I can’t afford to have every minute of every day shared with the rest of the world. If you’re a businessman you can’t operate like that. My competitors would have a field day if they could anticipate my next move. But Donna was a relentless marketer of her own life. She turned oversharing into a form of art. So when she decided to share with the world what happened between the sheets with Dexter, the guy wasn’t too happy about it, especially since he didn’t come out smelling of roses.”

“What do you mean?”

The man’s smile widened. “I don’t remember all the details, but there was a piece about the man’s tiny wiener that went viral, inspiring lots of memes, if that’s the term. Suffice it to say Dexter left in a huff, claiming she’d caused irreparable damage to his reputation. Which she probably had. Not that she cared one bit. Donna was self-centered that way. She didn’t care who she hurt in her relentless pursuit of fame and fortune.”

“You sound bitter,” Odelia remarked.

“I do? Well, maybe I was bitter—for a long time.” He glanced at Sweetums and Honeychild, who’d now resorted to turning the super soakers on each other and were screeching up a storm. “But when I look at what she gave me, my bitterness fades. Donna Bruce was a complicated woman, detectives, but she did at least one thing right: she was a loving mother.”

“Did she also share every minute of every day of the twins’ lives online?” asked Chase.

“No, she did not. Oddly enough that’s where she drew the line. Said the boys got to decide for themselves if they wanted to lead the kind of life she did, and as long as they were underage, she would protect their privacy with the fierceness of a lioness. Which she did.”

Chapter 15

Frankly I was growing a little tired of Harriet’s Internet search as the be-all and end-all of sleuthing, so when she started getting engrossed in an article about Blac Chyna, claiming it was giving her valuable insight into the celebrity mindset, I decided to bail out. Dooley, who’d grown as bored with the whole Internet sleuthing thing asI had, tagged along. Harriet may have been in charge of this investigation, but so far she hadn’t really uncovered all that much. We now knew Beyonc?’s twins Rumi and Sir Carter were teething, theReal Housewives of New York really didn’t get along, and theDuck Dynasty men had shaved their beards for some charity event. What we still didn’t know was the identity of Donna Bruce’s murderer.

And as we ambled along the street, we decided to go old school on this thing again: visit our usual haunts and interrogate every cat in town about what they knew and what they’d seen and heard. We wouldn’t get the latest intel on Justin Bieber,Duck Dynasty, or Blac Chyna, whoever they might be, but we might finally solve this murder case.

“Brutus was awfully quiet just now,” said Dooley. “Do you think he’s sick?”

“He’s henpecked is what he is,” I said.

“Henpecked? But he’s not a hen.”

“It’s just an expression. It means Harriet is now firmly in charge of his life.”

“Oh.” Dooley thought about this for a moment. “So that’s a good thing, right?”

“I guess so.” It hadn’t stopped him from bullyragging me about my diet, though, so the extent of his henpeckedness was still an open question. My money was definitely on Harriet, though. If anyone could get Brutus to toe the line, it was her.

Our first stop was the doctor’s office, where I hoped to exchange a few words with Gran. By now she was probably ensconced behind her trusty front desk, encouraging patients waiting for a medical t?te-?-t?te with Odelia’s dad to sit down and be quiet, so now might be a good time to ask her what she thought about Donna and what the word on the street was.

We waltzed into the waiting room, which was empty, and headed straight for Gran. She was deeply engrossed in Donna Magazine, probably picking out what else she could buy from the site. She started when we showed up behind her, and Dooley caroled out a blithe,“Hey, Gran!”

Pressing a hand to her heart, she cried,“You scared me! Creeping up on me like that.”

“Sorry about that,” said Dooley. “We just thought we’d pay you a visit.”

“Actually we wanted to find out if you’d heard anything about the Donna Bruce case,” I said. “You know. Some new scuttlebutt or something.”

“Yeah, Odelia put Harriet in charge of the investigation but all she does is read stories about Justin Bieber on the Internet,” Dooley explained.

“I haven’t heard anything, to be honest,” said Gran thoughtfully. “People don’t really seem to be tuned into the whole Donna Bruce drama.” She shrugged her bony shoulders. “I guess Donna was an acquired taste—more for the discerning cognoscenti like me.” She tapped her glossy magazine, which was open on an article extolling the healing power of crystals. Gran leaned down and dropped her voice to a whisper. “Has another package arrived by any chance?”

We both shook our heads.“Nope,” I said.

Gran’s lips tightened into an expression of disapproval. “They promised me it would arrive today.”

“But you already had two packages today,” I reminded her.

“So? Three’s the charm. This third package is the bee’s knees. The absolute cream of the crop. It’s a…” She hesitated, taking in our curious expressions. Then she shook her head. “I’d better not tell you. This is for adults only.”

“But we are adults,” said Dooley. “I’m four, which in human years is…” He thought hard, but finally had to give up.

“You’re still too young,” said Gran. “I don’t want to spoil your innocence. Odelia would never forgive me. Which reminds me—when a new package arrives, can you let me know right away? Odelia doesn’t even have to know about it.”

“Sure,” I said. “We’ll be your eyes and ears, Gran.”

She smiled.“I will make it worth your while.” She opened a desk drawer and took out a small packet of Cat Snax, tore it open and distributed its contents on the floor.

“Oh, gee, Gran!” I cried, digging in with relish. “How did you know these are my favorite?!”

Her smile widened.“Grandmothers know these things, Max. And if you keep me informed about the UPS guy arriving, there’s a lot more where this came from.”

“But he’s not supposed to,” said Dooley. “Max, you’re not supposed to. You’re on a diet.”

“Diet schmiet,” said Gran. “You only live once, Max. So you better enjoy it while you can.”

“My kind of woman,” I said, swallowing down some more of the tasty treats.

“But he’s too fat!” Dooley cried. “Vena said he’s going to get heart ar—arithmetic.”

“Arrhythmia?” asked Gran. “Don’t listen to doctors, Dooley. They’ll only try to scare you into giving up the best things in life. Take me for example. Tex has been telling me for years I shouldn’t drink coffee. That it’s bad for me. Well, no doctor in the world is going to make me give up coffee.” And to show us she meant business, she took a sip from her cup of coffee, slurping loudly and smacking her lips with relish. “You just enjoy your Cat Snax, Max,” she said, “and don’t let that nasty Vena take them away from you.”

I looked up, having devoured the entire packet.“Thanks, Gran. I think you just graduated to being my favorite person on the planet.”

“You can’t do that,” said Dooley, alarmed. “She’s my favorite person on the planet.”

“She can be both our favorite person on the planet,” I told him.

“She can?” he asked, surprised.

“Sure. There’s no limit on how many people’s favorite person you can be.”

“Oh, crap,” Gran suddenly said, looking up in alarm. When I saw Odelia peeking down at us from across the counter, I knew we were in trouble. Big trouble.

Chapter 16

“Max! Gran!” Odelia didn’t know who she should be mad at more: Gran for providing Max with these sugary snacks that would ruin his diet, or Max for accepting and eating them.

“I was giving him what he needs,” said Gran snappishly. “You can’t expect him to subsist on such a crappy diet.”

“He’s too fat. He has to go on a diet,” she said. “If he doesn’t, he might get all kinds of diseases.”

“Says who?”

“Says Vena!”

Gran waved a deprecating hand.“Who listens to stupid doctors?”

“I do—you do—we all do!”

“Not me. Uh-uh. If I’d listened to your father I’d have stopped working a long time ago, and would be sitting at home crocheting. He seems to think that a woman my age has no business being out and about and enjoying life to the fullest.”

“That’s not true and you know it. Dad was the one who told you to work past your retirement. He said you’re way too active to sit at home and do nothing.”

“Look, Max is my baby and if I can’t even spoil my babies…”

Odelia’s eye fell on the copy of Donna Magazine. “Don’t tell me you’ve been ordering more of that Donna junk.” When her grandmother didn’t respond, she cried, “Gran!”

“What? I need this stuff. I need all of it!”

“You don’t need any of it. If Dad knew you’ve been ordering online again, he’d cut up his credit cards and make sure you never get near a computer again.”

“Well, he won’t know if you won’t tell him, will he?”

Just at that moment, the door to Dad’s office opened and Tex Poole himself walked out. Dad was a big and bluff man, well-liked and respected by the Hampton Cove community. He was also a great doctor. “What’s going on here?” he asked. “I thought a fight had broken out or something.”

“A fight has broken out,” Odelia assured him. “Gran has been giving Max Cat Snax.”

“Oh?” asked Dad. “And that’s bad because…”

“Because Max is on a diet. He’s not supposed to eat anything other than the diet kibble Vena has prescribed him.”

“Right,” Dad said. “Of course.” He wagged a dutiful finger in Gran’s face. “Only diet food from now on, Vesta. No more Cat Snax for Max.”

“But he loves his Cat Snax,” said Gran. “And look at him. He’s not fat. He’s just the right size for his body type.” To prove her point, she tried to pick Max up from the floor and deposit him on her desk. Unfortunately, the ginger cat proved too heavy and she couldn’t manage. “Thatdoesn’t mean a thing,” she said defiantly.

Dad stepped into the breach and picked Max up and studied him. The way he was dangling from Dad’s large hands, his hind paws stretched out and his face a mask of annoyance, it appeared the ginger tabby wasn’t too happy to be handled like this.

“He is a bit on the heavy side,” Dad agreed. “And he could definitely use some more exercise.”

At this, Max’s eyes went wide. “Exercise?” he cried. “I don’t need no stinkin’ exercise!”

“Maybe you’re right, Dad,” said Odelia. “If he’s not going to follow his diet, maybe we should just make sure he’s more active. Maybe I should take him to the gym with me from now on. Make him run on the treadmill. A couple of miles a day would do the trick.”

“Not the treadmill!” Max cried. “I hate the treadmill!”

“They sell special cat treadmills nowadays,” said Dad. “It’s more like a big hamster wheel, built for cats, but it’ll do the trick.”

“But I’m not a hamster!” Max yelled, still dangling from Dad’s hands. “Please—I’ll be good. I won’t eat Cat Snax anymore. I’ll stick to my diet from now on.”

“Or maybe you could just take him for a walk every day,” Dad continued. “You could buy him one of those leashes—like the ones they use for dogs—and you walk him twice a day. That should take care of that excess weight.”

Odelia thought about this.“You know, Dad?” she finally said. “That might not be such a bad idea.”

“No! I’ll be good! I’ll eat that diet crap—I mean that diet food!”

“Or I could do both,” said Odelia. “I could feed him the diet kibbleand take him for a walk every day.” She nodded, her mind made up. “It’s good for you, Max, and it will speed up your weight loss. Kickstart it.” She ignored the look of panic in the cat’s eyes. “And who knows, if you lose those pounds fast enough, I might even let you have some Cat Snax from time to time.”

“I just think you’re torturing the poor creature,” said Gran disdainfully.

“And as for you,” Odelia said, turning to her grandmother, “no more ordering stuff online. Is that understood?”

“Has she been ordering online again?” asked Dad, surprised.

“Loads of stuff. She’s been shipping it to my address.” Gran darted a quick look in Max’s direction and Odelia saw what was going on here. A secret alliance between cat and human. No more, though. She wasn’t going to condone this kind of subterfuge. “Dad, I think you better cancel your credit cards.”

Gran looked horrified.“You can’t do that!”

“Oh, but I can,” Dad assured her. “And I probably should.” He seemed to waver for a moment. “Of course, it’s a whole hassle to apply for new credit cards. Maybe if you promise me that from now on you’ll behave, I won’t have to take such a drastic step.”

Gran nodded anxiously.“I promise! From now on, no more ordering online!”

“Dad, don’t fall for those empty promises. You know she’ll break them the first chance she gets.”

“Well, I for one believe her,” said Dad.

“You’re a good man, Tex,” said Gran. “And an ever better son-in-law. I just knew I was doing the right thing when I advised Marge to marry you and not that bum Jock Farnsworth.”

Dad frowned at this.“Vesta,” he warned.

“Well, that’s what happened! Good thing I told Marge to pick you.” She gave Dad a radiant smile.

Odelia looked from Gran to her dad.“Who is Jock Farnsworth?”

“Nobody,” said Dad quickly, throwing Gran a dark look.

“He was your mother’s boyfriend around the time she was dating your father,” said Gran.

“Mom was dating two guys at the same time?”

“Can you imagine?” Gran chuckled. “Your mother was quite the hot chick. She had so many suitors we had to fight them off with a stick, your grandpa and me. But when she told me she couldn’t decide between Jock and Tex, I was the one who made her pick Tex.”

Dad rolled his eyes. He was obviously not happy with Gran raking up this ancient family history. Odelia narrowed her eyes at Dad. So that’s why he was so easy on Gran using his credit card. She was holding this Jock Farnsworth over his head.

“Who’s Jock Farnsworth?” she asked again.

“Nobody!” Dad insisted.

“Franklin Farnsworth’s kid,” said Gran.

“Franklin Farnsworth? The chicken wing guy? The richest man in Hampton Cove?

“He’s not that rich,” Dad muttered darkly.

“He is super rich,” Gran said with a smirk. “And now Jock’s poised to step into his father’s shoes and take over the family business,he’ll be the richest man in town. And he could have been your daddy, Odelia.”

She stared at her grandmother. It was hard to believe Mom had dated Franklin Farnsworth’s son once upon a time. Talk about ghosts from the past.

“Are we done talking about Jock Farnsworth?” asked Dad irritably.

“Sure, whatever you say, Tex,” said Gran, still that smirk on her face. She had Dad just where she wanted him and she knew it.

“What happened to Jock?” asked Odelia. “After Mom broke up with him, I mean.”

“Well, let me see,” said Gran, pretending to think hard. “Oh, that’s right. He married Grace Carpenter—Ralph Carpenter’s only daughter.”

“Ralph Carpenter. The second richest man in town.”

“Sure. Ralph and Franklin always dreamed of joining their families. Marge breaking up with Jock paved the way.”

So not only had Mom dated the richest kid in Hampton Cove, but now that kid was married to the richest girl in town. And no one had ever told her! Dad was still scowling at Gran, so she patted his shoulder.“Mom made the right decision, Dad,” she assured him.

“You think so?” he asked, not seeming convinced.

“She married my dad, didn’t she?”

Dad smiled and gave her a hug.“Thanks, honey. That’s very sweet of you.”

“Franklin Farnsworth was bad news anyway,” said Gran. “Imagine Marge marrying into that family and spending every holiday at Farnsworth Castle, having to be nice to Irma Farnsworth.” She shivered. “We had a narrow escape there, Tex.”

“We sure did,” said Dad softly.

Odelia wanted to know more about these secrets from her family’s past, but both Tex and Gran were eager to change the topic, so she decided to leave it at that. She’d just ask Mom instead.

“Actually the reason I dropped by was to ask you about Donna Bruce,” Odelia told her dad.

“Oh, right. The murder case. Terrible business, that. Simply terrible.”

“Was she a patient of yours?”

“No, she wasn’t. She used a concierge doctor. Though I knew of her, of course. Before she became a lifestyle tycoon she was a wonderful actress.”

“The bee stings,” said Odelia. “I always thought bee stings weren’t lethal?”

“Well, they can be if you get enough of them,” said Tex. “And then there’s the fact that some people are allergic and can go into anaphylactic shock. I guess Donna was one of those people.”

“I don’t think so,” said Odelia. “The coroner would have mentioned it in his report. The cause of death was definitely the bee stings. She apparently suffered thousands of them in a very short amount of time.”

“That would do it,” said Dad. “The average person can tolerate ten stings per pound of body weight. So she must have sustained a lot of them.”

“But could she have survived the attack?”

“Very unlikely,” said Dad. “From what I understand, thousands of bees were unleashed on the poor woman. And the fact that she was in the sauna, with nothing to protect her, means she would have suffered stings all over her body. Whoever planned this must have thought things through.”

Gran was shaking her head.“Who could have done such a terrible thing?”

“Well, as it turns out Donna Bruce made a lot of enemies over the years,” said Odelia. “She was not a well-liked woman.”

“I can see that,” said Dad, nodding. “She had a reputation for being difficult and demanding.”

“I hope you catch the culprit, honey,” said Gran. “Donna was my hero. I wouldn’t know what to do without some of the stuff she advised on her website.”

Odelia remembered the jade eggs and thought Gran could have done without them with no trouble at all. Then again, maybe Dad was right. If Gran really wanted to buy all this stuff, and he didn’t mind funding her Donna fixation, who was she to stop her?

Picking up her two cats, she left the doctor’s office and set foot for the police station. She was meeting with her uncle and Chase to discuss the case and this time she wanted Max and Dooley to be present when she did. Chase might think it a little strange when she brought two cats to the meeting but so be it. He would just have to get used to the fact that she was a crazy cat lady, as he’d told her on more than one occasion.

Chapter 17

“So how did your sleuthing session with Harriet and Brutus go?” she asked as they were walking down the street, en route to the police station.

“Terrible,” Max sighed. “We now know everything about Justin Bieber’s tattoos and Blac Chyna’s favorite designers. We even know how many nannies Rumi and Sir Carter have—”

“Rumi and Sir Carter?”

“Beyonc? and Jay-Z’s twins,” said Dooley knowingly. “They’re very cute.”

“—but we still don’t know a thing about who killed Donna Bruce,” Max finished. “Oh, but we did find out she had a boyfriend with a tiny wee-wee. His name is—”

“Dexter Vald?s. Yes, Donna’s ex-husband told us about him. He looks like a great suspect.”

“What about the ex-husband?” asked Max. “I thought he did it?”

“He has a solid alibi. He was with the boys. Sweetums and Honeychild.”

“Of course he was.”

Odelia looked down, noticing that Max’s breath was a little labored. “Are you all right down there, honey? Do you want me to carry you?”

“No, I’m fine,” said Max, holding up a paw. “Never felt better.”

But judging from the way he walked, he was having trouble with his weight. He lumbered, his step not as graceful as it used to be. It frankly worried her.“Don’t eat Cat Snax anymore, Max,” she urged. “That stuff’s full of sugar. It’s not good for you.”

“I know,” he said. “It’s just that I’m hungry all the time.”

“Drink more water,” Dooley advised. “Whenever I’m hungry and I don’t feel like eating, I just drink a lot of water—really fill up my tummy. And then I’m not hungry anymore.”

“That’s the worst advice I’ve ever heard,” Max grumbled. “Drink more water. I’m hungry, Dooley, not thirsty.”

“But if your stomach is full, you won’t be hungry. And water doesn’t have any calories, or does it?”

“No, it doesn’t,” Odelia assured him. “Listen to Dooley, Max. Whenever you get hungry, just drink more. Maybe you’ll be able to handle your cravings that way.”

Max gave her a dubious look. It was obvious he wasn’t buying it.

They arrived at the police station and she entered, holding the door for the cats. Usually the feline duo snuck around the back and lounged on Chief Alec’s windowsill. Today she wanted them to be present in the room, though. She hoped they could help find out what was going on.

“Hey, I don’t think we were ever in here,” said Dooley, looking around excitedly.

“Yeah, almost like being invited to visit the Queen of England,” said Max.

They passed Dolores and set foot for her uncle’s office. She entered without knocking, as usual, and took a seat across the desk from the Chief, who sat discussing the case with Chase.

“I see you brought your feline little friends,” said Uncle Alec amiably as he glanced down at Max and Dooley. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“I found them wandering down the street and figured I’d better take them along, in case they got lost again,” she said.

Uncle Alec nodded. He’d gotten the message. Chase, however, seemed surprised. “You’re awfully protective of those cats, aren’t you? Can’t they find their own way home? I always thought cats had some kind of homing instinct?”

“They do,” said Odelia, “but Max has been having some medical issues. He needs to be watched closely.”

“Medical issues, huh?” asked Max with an offended look at Odelia. “So now all of a sudden I’m an invalid? Thanks for nothing.”

She smiled down at the spreading ginger cat.“You’re welcome, Max.”

“Mh? What was that?” asked Chase.

“Oh, I was just talking to myself.”

“She does that a lot,” Uncle Alec explained. “Even as a child she was always talking to herself. Drove us crazy.”

“Did she now?” asked Chase, darting a curious look down at Max and Dooley.

“So what did your dad have to say?” asked Uncle Alec, getting down to business.

“He said that whoever murdered Donna knew what they were doing. They used enough bees to make sure the attack would be deadly, even if Donna proved not to be allergic to bee stings.”

“So we’re dealing with a professional,” Chase grunted. “First time I’ve ever heard of bees being used as a murder weapon.”

“People underestimate how many bees it takes to kill a person,” said Odelia. “Stings from bees might be very painful, but they are rarely deadly.”

“So do you think we should look at beekeepers?” asked Chase.

“I doubt it,” said Uncle Alec. “No beekeeper would sacrifice his precious bees for this kind of thing. It’s hard enough to keep them alive, with bees dying out at a troubling rate and beekeepers losing large percentages of their hives. It’s a huge investment in both monetary terms and time-wise.”

“So we’re looking for someone who wanted Donna dead and knew a thing or two about bees.”

“Stands to reason that the person who stole the hives would have suffered a few bee stings in the process,” Uncle Alec said thoughtfully. “So that’s one other thing to look into.”

“What about the boyfriend?” asked Odelia. “Any sign of this Dexter Vald?s yet?”

“So far nothing,” said Uncle Alec. “We did find out he still lives in town, but he wasn’t home when we sent some officers by to pick him up. But don’t worry. We’ll find him soon enough. I put out an APB for his arrest.”

Just then, there was a loud altercation in the hallway, and when Odelia got up to take a closer look, she saw that two officers were bringing in a handsome-looking man who was the spitting image of Ricky Martin, only two decades younger. He was handcuffed and shouting at the officers.

“Dexter Vald?s,” said one of the officers, panting slightly from the exertion of subduing the man. “We picked him up at Pier’s Pont. Bar fight.”

“I hate Donna!” the man suddenly screamed at the top of his lungs. “I hate Donna and I’m glad she’s dead!”

Chapter 18

It was the first time we got to sit in on a police interrogation and I was adamant to make the most of it. I was hungry, though, so first I needed a snack. So when no one was watching, I snuck into Chief Alec’s office and quickly found what I was looking for. While I was in there before I’d noticed the chief kept a half-eaten meatball sub in his bottom drawer. The scent had been driving me crazy.

“Max! What are you doing?!” Dooley shouted from the door.

“I’m foraging! What does it look like I’m doing?!”

“But you can’t! You promised Odelia you would stick to your diet!”

“I lied, okay? I can’t stand it anymore, Dooley. I’m not like you. I can’t fill my stomach with water and pretend I’m not hungry! I’m starving!”

So I skewered the meatball from between the two buns with one nail and popped it into my mouth. Yummy. Then I went looking for a second meatball, which I hoped was in there somewhere.

“Max! Someone’s coming!” Dooley suddenly yelled. “Too late!”

“What are you guys doing in here?” asked Odelia, entering the office at a trot. She picked up a file from the desk and glanced down at me. She took one look at the meatball sub—now sans meatball—and her brows knitted into a frown. “Max! You’re cheating on your diet again!”

“No, I’m not,” I said.

She planted a hand on her hip.“I can see the sauce dripping from your lips, Max.”

Oops. I quickly swiped my tongue along my lips.“There. All gone,” I said, then burped.

She shook her head.“Oh, Max. What am I going to do with you?”

“I told him he shouldn’t!” Dooley said.

“Tattletale!” I hissed.

“Come on, you two,” said Odelia. “We don’t have time for this. We’re about to interrogate Dexter Vald?s.”

She ushered us out of the office and closed the door. I could have told her this wasn’t necessary, as I’d already determined there wasn’t a second meatball inside that sub. Uncle Alec must have dug it out and eaten it himself.

We followed Odelia down the corridor and then into a small room, where a mirror offered a view of a second, even smaller room. We hopped up on the table at Chief Alec’s instigation and made ourselves comfortable while Odelia joined Chase in the next room and sat down across from Dexter Vald?s. In my personal opinion the man only barely resembled Ricky Martin. His eyes were bloodshot, his cheeks stubbled and his hair unkempt. He might have been younger, but right now he looked like a much seedier and disheveled version of the fabled Latino heartthrob and hit sensation.

“So, Dexter,” said Chase, opening the proceedings, “you hate Donna Bruce so much you’re happy she’s dead, huh?”

The man seemed a lot less vocal about his hatred of Donna Bruce than before. He gave Chase a wary look.“Look, dude, when I said that I didn’t really mean it.”

“Oh, backpedaling are we?”

“You had a fight at Pier’s Pont just now,” said Odelia. “When the owner called the police you were trying to shove a billiard ball down the throat of another patron, telling him your wiener was the biggest wiener in wiener history. Is that correct?”

Dexter nodded.“That sounds about right. In my defense, he made fun of my wiener.”

“Could this be related to the article Donna wrote about your wiener?” asked Chase.

“It’s got everything to do with that article,” Dexter confessed. “If she hadn’t written that article my life wouldn’t have turned into a vaudeville act. Now everyone is making fun of my wiener. I haven’t even had a girlfriend in months, all because of that damn article.”

“So you did hate Donna Bruce, and you did want to kill her,” said Chase.

The man threw up his arms.“How would you feel when someone shared the size of your wiener with the world, dude?”

“I’d feel comfortable enough in my own skin not to let it bother me,” said Chase.

“Bullshit. No man likes to have his wiener become the butt of a joke. I suffered, all right? And that’s just what she wanted. My wiener isn’t tiny. At least not as tiny as she made it out to be. My wiener is just fine. In fact my wiener is nothing short of majestic and I can prove it.” He got up and started removing his pants, which was a little hard to do with the handcuffs restricting his movements. Chase pushed him down in his seat again.

“Sit down, buddy,” the burly cop said. “I’m not interested in the size of your junk. All I want is for you to tell me where you got those bees and how you got them into Donna’s house.”

The man’s eyes widened. “Bees? What are you talking about?”

“You stole those bees and then you transported them to Donna’s house. How did you know how to handle them?”

“But I don’t know anything about bees.” Then understanding seemed to dawn on him. “Oh, you think I killed Donna? With bees? Are you nuts?”

“No, but I think you are if you’re going to claim you’re innocent. You practically confessed to murdering your ex-girlfriend. Now all we need to establish is how you did it.”

“But I didn’t kill her!”

“You just told us you did!”

“No, I didn’t! I just said I’m happy she’s dead. I would never hurt anyone—least of all Donna. She might have written all that stuff about my wiener but I genuinely liked her. We had a great time together.” He squinched his eyes closed. “Look, dude. I say a lot of dumb shit, but that doesn’t mean I mean any of it.”

“Then tell me where you were at seven this morning, when Donna was murdered.”

“At Pier’s Pont, of course, where you guys picked me up.”

“You expect me to believe you hang around at bars at such an early hour?”

“No, I expect you to believe I hang around at bars at such a late hour. I’d been there all night. Just ask Johnny, the bartender. He knows my face. I’m a regular.”

“Johnny Dusky,” Chase muttered, checking his notes. “That would be the guy who called in the altercation.”

“Yeah, I think he got annoyed when I started rearranging the furniture,” Dexter said with a grin.

Dooley gave me a nudge.“Looks like the guy didn’t do it, Max.”

“Looks like you’re right,” I agreed. “Another dead end, huh?”

“We seem to be running into a lot of dead ends lately, Max. Do you think we’re losing our touch?”

“It’s this diet. It’s making me feel weak. I can’t think straight when I’m hungry, and I’m hungry all the time.”

“You just had a giant meatball!”

“Just the one, though. I could eat ten giant meatballs and still feel hungry.”

Just then, two more cats joined us. They were Harriet and Brutus.

“You guys!” Harriet yelled, gracefully jumping up on the desk. “I know who killed Donna!”

“You do?” I asked.

“She does,” said Brutus proudly, also joining us. “We figured it out together, didn’t we, sugar pie?”

“We sure did, scrunchy munch.”

“So?” asked Dooley. “Who did it?”

“Maureen Cranberry!”

Dooley and I exchanged a puzzled glance.“Who’s Maureen Cranberry?” I asked.

“She’s a woman who filed charges against Donna Bruce for burning her… you know.”

Curiouser and curiouser.“No, I don’t. Burning her what?”

She leaned in, and faux-whispered,“Her business!”

“What business?” asked Dooley.

Harriet heaved an exaggerated sigh.“She bought one of those vajayjay steamers and accidentally burned her vajayjay.”

“What’s a vajayjay?” asked Dooley.

“A woman’s business!”

Dooley turned to me.“I don’t get it, Max.”

I had to admit I didn’t get it either. Harriet was now definitely speaking in riddles. Just then, Odelia and Chase walked out of the interview room, while Dexter was led out by a uniformed officer, probably to cool off in one of the cells. “Hey, Harriet—Brutus,” said Odelia. “What’s up?”

“We found the killer!” Harriet cried.

“Yeah, it’s a woman who burned her business on a vajayjay steamer,” I said. “Whatever that is.”

“Maureen Cranberry,” Harriet clarified. “I found her name after a long and very thorough Internet search. She ordered one of Donna’s vajayjay steamers and ended up burning her business so she sued Donna for damages and extreme emotional suffering and trauma. She lost, though, but I’m sureshe’s still very sore.”

Odelia smiled.“I’ll bet she is.”

Chase frowned.“Who are you talking to?”

“She’s talking to herself again,” Uncle Alec said. “I told you. It’s a weird habit she just doesn’t seem to be able to shake. Isn’t that right, honey?”

“We need to talk to Maureen Cranberry,” Odelia said in response. “She might be our killer.”

Chase’s frown deepened. “Where did that come from, all of a sudden?”

Odelia gave him her best smile.“Just a hunch. Women’s intuition. Are you coming?”

“Hey, what about me?” asked Harriet. “I found Maureen!”

“Well, come on, then,” Odelia said. “What are you waiting for?”

Four cats tripped after Odelia, drawing puzzled glances from Chase. Then Dooley asked,“What’s a vajayjay?”

Chapter 19

“So what’s with this habit of talking to yourself?” Chase asked. “A habit, I can’t help but notice, which seems to grow worse when your cats are around. A lot worse, actually.”

Chase was driving his police pickup, Odelia riding shotgun, her assortment of cats in the bed of the truck. Odelia had wanted to put the cats in the backseat, a place usually reserved for arrestees, but Chase had vocally demurred. Claimed he’d just cleaned up the vomit from the last drunk and disorderly he’d arrested and didn’t want to have to scrape a bunch of hairballs from the backseat now that he got it all nice and puke-free again.

Odelia shrugged.“It’s just a bad habit, Chase. Get over it.”

“No, but why does it grow worse when your cats are around? It’s almost as if you’re talking to them, and they’re talking back to you.”

She let rip a careless laugh.“Talking to my cats—you should hear yourself, Detective Kingsley. How crazy that sounds.”

He smiled.“I know it sounds crazy, but please bear with me. Isn’t it possible that those amazing powers of intuition you always claim to possess—”

“I don’tclaim to possess amazing powers of intuition. Ihave amazing powers of intuition.”

“Okay, I’ll grant you that. But isn’t it possible that those amazing powers of intuition are somehow connected to that ragtag collection of felines you surround yourself with?” He held up his hand. “I know this sounds crazy, but I’ve given it a lot of thought.”

“Have you now? That must have been quite the effort.”

He gave her a comical look.“It’s been scientifically proven that humans and their pets share a sacred bond of some kind. That they somehow influence each other. All I’m saying is that it’s possible that having those cats around has a positive influence on your ability to sniff out clues and find out stuff.”

“It’s possible,” she agreed. Little did he know how possible it really was!

He gave her a keen look.“You know what? I think I just discovered your little secret.”

She swallowed away an uncomfortable lump.“You have?”

“Sure. Those cats bring out the best in you.”

She smiled with relief.“Of course they do.”

“So when are you going to tell me how the name Maureen Cranberry came up?”

She thought quick.“I did a long and very thorough Internet search, and discovered that Maureen bought one of those vagina steamers Donna sells on her site. Maureen ended up burning her business and suing Donna for damages and extreme emotional suffering and trauma.”

“Don’t tell me. She lost?”

“She did.”

“Which makes her a great suspect in my book,” Chase grunted. “Great work, Odelia. You’re quickly becoming my favorite ace sleuth.”

She gave him a chipper smile.“Gee, thanks, Detective. That means a lot coming from you.” Little did he know that the real ace sleuth was riding in the bed of the truck, along with three other ace sleuths.

They’d arrived at Donna’s house and Odelia frowned. “Are you sure this is the right way?”

“Yeah. Turns out Maureen Cranberry is one of Donna’s neighbors. And get this. She’s a member of the same neighborhood association Alpin Carr? belongs to.” He gestured to the small monitor in the center of the console, where Mrs. Cranberry’s file had been pulled up.

Odelia squinted at the screen.“This is all gibberish, Chase. What am I looking at?”

“She was at the demonstration this morning. The one where Alpin was arrested? Officers took down the names of everyone present and Mrs. Cranberry was one of them.”

Chase pulled the car over onto the shoulder and got out. Across the street, a more modest dwelling than Donna Bruce’s majestic mansion stood, a lone mailbox announcing here lived Maureen Cranberry.

She also got out and watched as Max, Dooley, Harriet and Brutus crossed the road, making their way past the gate and onto private property. Her very own feline army, she thought with a smile.

Chase rang the bell and soon the gate slid open and they walked up the short paved driveway to the front of the house. Mrs. Cranberry opened the door and watched them arrive, her arms folded across her chest, an expression of suspicion on her face. And as they drew nearer, Odelia saw to her surprise that the woman was the spitting image of Donna Bruce. The same athletic body type, the same facial structure, and the exact same long blond hair. She could have been Donna’s sister.

Chase displayed his badge.“Detective Chase Kingsley. Hampton Cove PD. And this is Odelia Poole. Civilian consultant. We’re investigating the murder of one of your neighbors. Donna Bruce.”

The woman’s scowl deepened. “What’s Donna’s death got to do with me, Detective?”

“That’s what we’re here to find out, Mrs. Cranberry. May we come in?”

Reluctantly, the woman stepped aside to allow them inside. To Odelia’s surprise, a large picture portrait of Donna Bruce dominated the foyer, and as they passed into the parlor, the covers of every Donna Magazine that had ever been published had been framed and put up on the walls.

“You’re quite the fan, aren’t you, Mrs. Cranberry?” asked Chase, studying the setup.

“I am,” said the woman stiffly. She led the way into the living room, where a life-sized bust of Donna Bruce took center stage. Oddly enough, even the furniture reminded Odelia of Donna, as the exact same furniture had graced her own house.

Maureen Cranberry wasn’t merely Donna’s double, she’d also copied Donna’s interior design, down to the intricate wood floor medallions, depicting the yin and yang symbols, the heavy velvet curtains, and the pink marble walls. Eerie.

Chase, too, seemed taken aback by this extreme case of hero worship, as he was lost for words for a moment. Odelia decided to step into the breach.“Is it true that you sued Donna Bruce a couple of years ago, Mrs. Cranberry?”

Maureen, who’d taken a seat on one of three high back chairs placed in the salon area of the living room, gestured at the other chairs and nodded. “Yes, that’s quite true.”

Odelia and Chase sat down, the cop taking out his notebook and Odelia asking,“And is it also true that you lost the case?”

“Yes, unfortunately I did.”

“But the incident doesn’t seem to have turned you off Donna?”

For the first time, the woman displayed a thin-lipped smile.“No, it didn’t.”

“So why is that?” asked Chase.

Maureen heaved a little sigh.“Once you’re a fan, it’s hard to shake that faith. Though I must confess I came close when I had my little… incident.”

“With the steamer.”

“With the steamer,” the woman confirmed.

“But you were seen protesting outside Donna’s house this morning,” said Chase. “That’s not the kind of behavior one would expect from a die-hard fan such as yourself.”

“I—I must confess I only joined the protest to take a closer look at Donna’s house and—and perhaps even catch a glimpse of Donna herself.”

Something occurred to Odelia.“How long have you lived here, Mrs. Cranberry?”

The woman smiled.“I moved in about six months after Donna moved in. Yes, I’m a stalker, Miss Poole, though not the dangerous kind, I can assure you.”

“And yet you sued Donna when the contraption you bought from her website malfunctioned, you joined the neighborhood protest against the wall she was building, and…” Chase leaned forward in his chair, tapping his notebook smartly. “… perhaps exacted your own kind of revenge when the lawsuit you filed against your idol was thrown out?”

Maureen shook her head decidedly.“I would never do that. I would never harm Donna. Ask anyone. I was her biggest fan and it pained me to have to file charges against her. I tried to get donna.vip to reimburse me and compensate me for the damage their steamer caused but they simply refused. Filing that suit was the only recourse I had to get my money back.”

“And you insist losing the lawsuit didn’t inspire you to take revenge in some other way?”

“It did not. Like I said, I would never do anything to hurt Donna. She was my role model, and not just mine. A lot of women looked up to her for advice and leadership. She was an amazing person. One of a kind.” She sighed deeply. “She will be sorely missed.”

Chase sat back.“Where were you this morning at seven, Mrs. Cranberry?”

“I was over at Alpin’s house. Alpin Carr?? He’s the leader of the neighborhood association and was organizing the protest. We were preparing for the demonstration outside Donna’s house. We met at six as we still had a lot of ground to cover. Banners to prepare and signs to put together. Some of the other women brought cake and Alpin provided coffee and tea. We made a fun time of it. We finally set out to march on Donna’s house at nine.” She shook her head. “If only I’d known Donna had passed away, I would never have come.”

There was a sound from the next room, and Maureen sat up with a start.

“Is anyone else here?” asked Chase, his hand moving to his holster.

“No. I live all by myself,” said Maureen, a trembling hand moving to her lips.

Chase got up and moved over without making a sound, treading carefully. He’d taken out his gun and was aiming it in the direction of the noise. For a moment Odelia wondered if Donna’s killer was now coming after Donna lookalikes as well. She followed at a safe distance, Maureen right behind her, her hand on Odelia’s shoulder, as they slowly made their way to the next room.

“What’s in there?” Odelia whispered.

“The kitchen,” Maureen whispered back. Then she added, “I must have left the door open!”

That bit of information, coupled with the grunt of astonishment from Chase, told Odelia who the intruder was even before she’d reached the door and entered the kitchen.

Three cats sat looking up at them from the kitchen floor, with one cat seated on the kitchen counter, snacking on a very delicious-looking meatloaf: Max. When he finally noticed they were no longer alone, Max looked up, his face covered in crumbs of meatloaf.“Oops,” he said.

Chapter 20

For the rest of the day, I was confined to the house. House arrest, Odelia called it. Bummer. Luckily, Dooley had opted to stay behind and share my punishment. Harriet and Brutus, not surprisingly, had not. They were out and about somewhere, continuing their investigation. Harriet, after having supplied Odelia with the identity of the vajayjay woman, had become cocky, and now truly believed she was the second coming of Sherlock Holmes or something, and no longer needed my or Dooley’s assistance in solving this particularly heinous crime.

Good for her. If she didn’t need me, I certainly didn’t need her. But if she thought she could catch Donna’s killer, she was dead wrong. What she hadn’t grasped was that Maureen Cranberry was innocent, which meant she’d led Odelia and Chase on a wild goose chase.

At least I’d had some prime meatloaf. Whatever Maureen Cranberry’s faults, she prepared one mean meatloaf. The meat had been tender, succulent and tasty. Just the way I like it.

I opened one eye when Dooley’s insufferable snuffling told me he was somewhere nearby. He looked up at me expectantly. The moment Odelia had delivered the verdict, I’d plunked myself down in my usual spot on the couch and hadn’t moved from it. I swear, this diet was slowly killing me, not only robbing me of my physical strength but also of my will to live.

“What do you want, Dooley?” I grumbled, closing my one eye again.

“Aren’t we going to continue our investigation?” he asked excitedly.

“What investigation? If you hadn’t noticed, we’re grounded. We’re not going anywhere anytime soon.”

“But we have the computer! We can find clues, just like Harriet found that clue about the woman with her burnt business.”

I groaned.“If you hadn’t noticed, Dooley, that was a rubbish clue. Nothing came of it.”

“That’s because it was Harriet finding that clue,” he said cleverly. “But we’re not Harriet, Max. We’re the real sleuths in this household. If we put our minds to it, I’m sure we’ll find out more than Harriet ever could.”

I opened my eyes. Had Dooley just delivered an intelligent statement? I believed he had. And it was so unlike Dooley to make sense that I actually sat up and took notice.“What did you just say?”

“That we’re better sleuths than Harriet and Brutus?”

I nodded.“You have a point, Dooley. Weare better sleuths. In fact we’re ace sleuths.”

Reluctantly, I abandoned my spot and jumped down from the couch. Dooley had already taken up position in front of the computer and I joined him. We both stared at the screen, which was black.

“So… how does this work, exactly?” I asked. I have to confess I’m not much of a computer cat. I love lying down on the keyboard when Odelia is working, and making sure she can’t see the screen, but that’s as far as my knowledge of computers goes, to be perfectly honest.

“Just do something, Max,” Dooley suggested. “If Harriet can do it, so can we.”

He was right, and his statement totally galvanized me. So did the fact that my tummy was full of that delicious meatloaf. Odelia might not like it when I eat my fill, but I certainly did. I took a stab at the keyboard and to my surprise the screen flickered to life.

“Hey! How did you do that?” asked Dooley.

“No idea. I just did this…” I stabbed at the keyboard again and some letters appeared on the screen.

“Oh, my God, Max. You can type!”

“Yes, I can!” I said enthusiastically, and stabbed at the keyboard some more. More letters appeared, forming one long word that didn’t make any sense. But it was something. We were going places! I decided to use the backspace key to remove all those funny symbols and start over. So I carefully typed in donna.vip and we landed on Donna’s website. There were a lot of funny things for sale there, so for the next half hour or so, Dooley and I had fun clicking through to the pages of all these items and reading the descriptions. There were those jade eggs Gran had ordered, and for the first time we understood they weren’t actual eggs but served an entirely different purpose. Something to do with pelvic muscles, whatever that was. And then there was Maureen Cranberry’s V-steamer, which appeared to be beneficial for personal hygiene and improved fertility.

“What’s fertility, Max?” asked Dooley.

“I think it’s a kind of plant.”

“Oh, right. Like a fern.”

“They must have misspelled ferntility.”

“Humans.”

“Yeah.”

There was a lot more stuff, and it was all weird and wonderful, sort of like the Discovery Channel. There was a prisoner’s ball and chain, a toothpaste squeezer, nipple clamps, very expensive paper wipes, a pouch with magically charged stones, gold dumbbells for weightlifting, a facial massager, a heated couch, and… the same kind of rocket that Odelia keeps in her bedside drawer but this one was made of gold. Itwas called a dildo and its purpose wasn’t immediately clear to me.

“What does it do, Max?” Dooley asked, staring at the shiny gold object.

“I’m not sure. It says here it’s a massager, but I’m not sure what it’s supposed to massage.”

“It also says it’s elegant and decadent, and has to be used with something called lube. What is a lube, Max?”

“Maybe like a long kind of tube?”

We read some more. It was all very confusing.

“What’s a G-spot, Max?”

“I have no idea, Dooley.” But then I got it. “I think it’s one of those spots that are very hard to reach. Like behind the bed or behind the cupboard.”

We shared a look of understanding.“So that’s why Odelia keeps it in the bedroom.”

“In case she needs to reach those hard-to-reach G-spots.”

Well, I was sure glad we figured that out. It’s not much fun feeling dumb.

I clicked on another link and this time we ended up on a page extolling the virtues of bee sting therapy.“Weird,” Dooley said. “Here they say bee stings are actually good for you.”

“Well, maybe they are,” I said. “Like nettle stings. Remember that one time you stung your nose on those nettles? And Odelia said it was good for you? This is probably the same thing.”

“But then why did Donna end up dead?”

“Well, too much of a good thing isn’t good at all, I suppose.”

“Like when you eat too many Cat Snax?”

“I’m not sure you can eat too many Cat Snax, Dooley. At least I’ve never had too many.”

“That’s true,” he admitted. “Me neither.”

Just then, there was a loud rap on the glass sliding door, which was now closed due to my house arrest. We hopped down from our perch on the computer table and wandered over. To my pleasant surprise, it was Gran. But to my less pleasant surprise, she appeared incapable of opening the sliding door from the outside. She was shouting something, though. It sounded a lot like,“Has the UPS guy brought another one of my packages?!”

I shook my head and shouted back,“No, he hasn’t!”

“Darn!” she yelled, and then stalked off.

“Hey! Aren’t you going to let us out?!” I yelled, but she was already gone.

Dooley sat chuckling next to me. I turned to him.“What’s so funny?”

“I wonder what she ordered this time. Those dumbbells, that toothpaste squeezer, or that dildo.”

“I don’t think she would order a dildo.”

“And why is that?”

“Marge cleans your house, doesn’t she? So why would Gran need to reach those hard-to-reach G-spots?”

“You’ve got a point, Max.”

“Of course I have. I’m very clever.”

Chapter 21

It was dinner time at the Pooles, and as usual Uncle Alec and Chase had been invited. Dad was master of his domain again—in other words, the barbecue set—and before long a wonderful time was had by all. Well, almost all, as Odelia had locked Max up in the house. She couldn’t risk him hanging around all that raw meat. He would have a conniption fit if she tried to keep him away from all that juicy temptation. And to show him she didn’t have a heart of stone, she’d given him an extra helping of Vena’s diet kibble. Not that he seemed to appreciate it. He’d told her there was only so much cardboard one could stomach, and he’d already had his fill and then some.

It was a hard lesson to learn for the big, red cat, but one that was absolutely necessary. If he kept eating like this, he’d simply dig his own grave with his teeth, the poor baby, and she did not want that on her conscience.

Harriet and Brutus had shown up just when the meat was starting to give off its delicious scent, but when she cut a glance to Harriet, the gorgeous Persian had sadly shaken her head. So far she hadn’t discovered a thing. Brutus, who’d immediately pounced on some slivers Dad had cut from the steaks, didn’t seem to have any news for her either. That only left Dooley, but all he said was that he’d finally discovered how she cleaned those hard-to-reach spots in her bedroom, and given her a big, fat wink. Weird. Then she remembered she’d left the computer running. Oh, dear. She hoped she’d turned on Parental Control. There was so much on the Internet her cats did not need to see.

Uncle Alec walked up to her, a can of Heineken in his hand.“And? Any luck with the Cranberry woman?”

“Nope. Turns out she had an alibi, just like everyone else in this case.”

“Dang. She looked promising.”

“She did,” Odelia agreed. “Very promising. Just like the ex-husband looked promising, the boyfriend looked promising, and the leader of the home owner’s association looked promising.”

“Tough day, huh?” asked her uncle, shooting her a keen look.

“Yeah, pretty tough,” she admitted. “We keep catching breaks that turn out not to be breaks after all.”

“What about your cats?” he asked. “They usually provide the telling clue.”

“So far my cats have provided me nothing but trouble,” she admitted, and told her uncle about Max’s embarrassing behavior at Maureen Cranberry’s place.

“So that’s why my meatball went missing from my meatball sub,” said her uncle with a grin.

“It seems he’s eating everything he can get his paws on. Ever since I put him on a diet he’s been totally insufferable. It has taken his focus completely off trying to find Donna’s killer. All he’s interested in is finding food, not clues.”

“That’ll pass,” her uncle assured her. “He just needs some adjusting is all. When your aunt put me on a diet the hardest part were those first few days. Once I got past that it was smooth sailing all the way.”

She glanced down at her uncle’s rotund belly. Pity Aunt Ginny was gone. Alec could have used one of her patent diets right now. But who was going to put him on one? Certainly not her. She had a hard enough time trying to keep Max to his diet, and he was just a cat.

Chase came ambling up, also a can of Heineken in hand.“So? Another long day at the office, huh? Time for some R&R.”

“Speak for yourself,” grunted Chief Alec. “When dinner is over I’m heading straight back to the station. I’ve got a ton of paperwork to finish. What about you, Odelia?”

“I have an article to write,” she confessed. She’d started writing it when they came back from Maureen Cranberry, but she still had to put the finishing touches on the piece. “The paper is going to print tomorrow and Dan wants the article done.”

“On the Donna Bruce case?” asked Chase.

“Yep. I don’t really know what to write, as we’re nowhere near figuring out what happened, but deadlines are deadlines.”

“And what are you up to, Chase?” asked the Chief.

“Well, I was actually thinking about asking out your niece, but I have a feeling she’s about to blow me off.”

Odelia looked up in surprise.“You wanted to take me out tonight?”

“I promised I was going to, remember? And you told me you were going to think about it.”

“I know, but I figured, with this whole Donna Bruce thing…”

He smiled.“There will always be work, Odelia. You can’t let it interfere with your personal life.”

“He’s right,” Uncle Alec grunted. “You never know how much time you’re going to have with your loved ones. If I’d known that back when Ginny was still alive, I’d have spent a lot more time with her. Now it’s too late.” He looked somber for a moment, the memory obviously still haunting him.

Odelia placed a hand on her uncle’s arm. “You had a lot of good years together, Uncle Alec. You should be grateful you got to spend them with Aunt Ginny as long as you did.”

He gave her a weak smile.“You’re right, honey. And I am. Grateful, I mean. I’m just telling you not to make the same mistake I did. Putting work before everything else. This case will get solved, or it won’t. You can’t let that stop you from spending time with this hotshot detective over here. At least if that’s what you want.”

Now it was her turn to smile.“What are you saying? I should give this hotshot detective a shot?”

“He’s not a bad guy,” said Chief Alec. “He’s young and impetuous, of course, but then all guys are at his age. But with some patience and effort I think we might make something out of him yet.”

Chase gave the chief a playful shove.“Thanks, old-timer. I appreciate the vote of confidence. So what about it, Odelia? Wanna catch a movie with this hotshot detective?”

And she was just about to respond in the affirmative, when a wide-eyed young man dressed in a brown uniform showed up in the backyard, carrying a huge box. Judging from the logo on his uniform he was the UPS guy, and when he was done scanning the small group gathered around the barbecue set, he gulped and asked,“Who is Vesta Muffin? I’m looking for a Vesta Muffin.”

Gran seemed reluctant to reveal herself, so finally Mom had to step up and tell the guy,“That’s my mother. Why didn’t you ring at the front door?”

“I did. More than once. Can I leave this with you, ma’am? It’s… buzzing.”

He placed the bulky package on the lawn and quickly took a few steps back.

“Buzzing?” asked Mom, eyeing the package with suspicion. Then she turned to Gran. “Mom. What did you order this time?”

“Nothing,” said Gran. “Must be some mistake.”

“No mistake,” said the UPS guy. “You ordered from donna.vip. Paid extra for special delivery. Though nobody told me the package would be alive.”

His eyes were wide as he offered Mom the gadget to sign. Mom jotted down her scrawl and the UPS guy immediately was off like a rocket.“Thanks!” he yelled and disappeared from view.

They all gathered around the package, and Odelia discovered that the UPS guy had been right: the thing was buzzing.

“What did you order, Gran?” she asked.

“Nothing!” Gran insisted. “You told me to stop ordering stuff so I did.”

Dad bent down, a glass of red wine in his hand, and read from the label on the package.“It says your name right here, Vesta.”

“Must be a namesake. Lots of Vestas around.”

“Vesta Muffin? Living at this address?”

“Sure. UPS screwed up again. Figures.”

She seemed awfully nervous about a simple mistake, though, which told Odelia it wasn’t a mistake at all. The only reason she was mad at the UPS guy was that he’d shown up now, when everyone was there, and not a couple of hours earlier, when she could have intercepted the package.

“Well, I guess we better see what’s inside,” said Uncle Alec, and started removing the packaging. And that’s when something came buzzing from inside the box and attached itself to his nose. He swatted it away, and Odelia got a good look at the culprit. It was a bee!

“Gran,” she demanded. “Tell me you didn’t order a bunch of bees!”

“Of course not!” Gran said. “I’m not crazy. Who orders a bunch of bees?! Not me!”

They all worked together to remove the wrapping, and found themselves staring down at an actual beehive! And its inhabitants were obviously not very happy at having been cooped up for so long, for more than a few of them started flying through the cracks in the cage and zooming around.

“Christ!” Uncle Alec yelled. “Who in their right mind ships a bunch of bees with UPS?!”

“Vesta,” said Dad phlegmatically, swatting away a couple of bees buzzing around his wine.

“I think we better call the fire department,” Chase said. “Before they all escape and attack us.”

“No!” Gran yelled. “You know how much these little suckers cost me?!”

“So you did order them!” Mom yelled, ducking a few particularly pesky bees.

“Of course I did! I need bee therapy! It’s going to completely rejuvenate me! I’m going to look decades younger!”

“You’re crazy!” Uncle Alec screamed, now running around the yard, chased by a horde of bees.

“Let them sting your butt!” Gran yelled. “It’ll clear that cellulite of yours right up!”

And then, as if the bees had gotten the message, the cage completely collapsed, and the entire swarm zoomed up into the air, then swept down upon the Pooles.

“Nice, Mom!” Uncle Alec yelled. “I’ve been stung!”

“That’s great! You needed it!”

Odelia wasn’t sure if she needed it or not, but she was pretty sure she didn’t want it, so when a dozen bees attacked her, happy to have found a target, she screamed and ducked for cover. It took another half hour for the fire department to arrive, and make short shrift of Gran’s bee menace. Gran wasn’t happy that her investment was being rounded up and taken away by the burly men in red, but the rest of the family definitely was. By the time the last bee had been taken into custody, it was late.

“So much for our date,” Odelia told Chase as she watched the firemen inspect the hive.

“I’ll take a rain check,” said Chase, scratching at a particularly nasty-looking bee sting.

“I’m sorry about this, Chase. My family is crazy.”

“That’s okay,” he said with a grin. “I’m not all that compos myself.”

He placed an arm around her shoulder and she leaned her head against his chest. Between the murder they had to solve and Max’s diet shenanigans and her grandmother’s Donna obsession, she was glad at least one person in her universe still had his feet on solid ground. And as she watched a red-faced Dad furiously cut up his credit cards, Gran looking on sadly, she had to laugh.

“That’s the spirit,” Chase murmured. “When you can’t beat the crazies, join them.” And he placed a tender kiss on her lips.

“Ouch,” she said, pulling back. “Bee sting.” Right on her bottom lip of all places. Gah.

“Didn’t you hear your grandmother? Your lip will look decades younger in the morning.”

“Oh, to hell with it,” she muttered, and kissed him right back.

Chapter 22

That night, I simply couldn’t hold it anymore. If I ate one more chunk of that diet crap I was going to scream. My stomach was grumbling and I was so hungry I thought I was going to die. The worst thing was that Odelia had put me on the scale that evening after she came home from dinner and I’d actually gained weight! How was that even possible?!

Of course she had her explanation ready. According to her it was because of that meatball I’d scarfed down, and that meatloaf I’d polished off at Mrs. Cranberry’s house. But I called bullshit on both accounts. How could a little bit of meat result in me gaining weight while I’d been starving all the rest of the day?

I roamed around the house, feeling restless and annoyed, and that’s when I discovered that Odelia had left the kitchen window open! So I climbed up onto the sink, careful not to put my paw in the garbage disposal unit, pushed the window open wider, and gracefully hopped down onto the sill and then to the plastic container right underneath it. Odelia uses it tocollect the garbage bags and it’s the perfect landing place for a big-boned cat like me. I know people are always saying how a cat always lands on its feet. Well, if you’re genetically predisposed to be on the more voluminous side, like me, it can be hard to accomplish that feat, especially when jumping down from higher surfaces.

I landed on the container with a heavy thump, and waited for a moment, making sure I hadn’t woken up Odelia. Then I jumped down to the patio and padded off, hoping Dooley still had some tasty morsels he wouldn’t mind sharing with his best friend.

Unfortunately, when I finally had slipped into the house next door, all the bowls were empty: Dooley’s bowl, Harriet’s bowl, and even Brutus’s bowl! How was that even possible?

I quickly made my way up the stairs, careful not to wake up anyone, and nudged open the door to Marge and Doctor Tex’s room. Sure enough, Brutus was asleep on Tex’s side of the bed and Harriet on Marge’s side. So I tiptoed into Gran’s bedroom, which was right down the hall, and found Dooley asleep at the foot of Gran’s bed.

“Psssst!” I said, giving Dooley a slight nudge.

“Hrrrmmbl…” he said in response, and just kept on sleeping.

“Dooley! Wake up!”

The beige cat opened one eye and then closed it again.“Hmmmmmm.”

So I hopped up onto the bed—conveniently a lot lower than Odelia’s—and kicked him off. I watched in wonder to see if he would magically right himself in midair and hit the floor on all fours. Unfortunately for Dooley he hit the floor with his head instead. It made a nice thunking sound as it did. Hollow. Just as I’d expected.

“What’s going on?” Dooley asked as he rubbed the point of impact.

“I’m going foraging,” I told him. “And I need my wingcat.”

He stared at me.“I can’t, Max. My head hurts for some reason.”

“Your head is fine. Let’s go.”

He rubbed the spot for a few beats more, obviously wondering what had happened, then decided to follow me out.“I was dreaming of Harriet,” he said. “She told me to use my dildo to reach her G-spot so I did, but then Brutus showed up and burned me with his V-steamer.”

“You shouldn’t read that kind of stuff before bed, Dooley. You should do like me and dream of steaks and prime ribs and sausages and meatballs and beef tenderloin and…” Well, you get the picture.

We left the house and set out for the great outdoors. I had no idea where we were going but I knew it had to be someplace where we would find food. Lots of food. Any food.

“Where are we going, Max?” asked Dooley after a while.

“Where they have food,” I told him.

“And where is that?”

I thought hard, which was difficult as I was so hungry my mental capacity had become impaired. Honestly, how Odelia expected me to catch killers on an empty stomach was beyond me. And then I got it.“Why don’t we go check out Donna Bruce’s place?”

“Do you think they’ll have food there?”

“Well, they have those two mutts. And where there are mutts, there is always food.”

That’s one of those immutable facts of life, and one you would do well to remember. I know I do. Even at my most feeble, like now, when my survival instincts were kicking in, I still remembered that humans love dogs—even more than they love cats—and always make sure they’re well fed. What most humans don’t know is that cats can also eat dog food, especially when they’re on the verge of dying of starvation, like I was now.

“I don’t know, Max,” said Dooley. “Those dogs weren’t very nice to us the last time.”

“They’ll be fast asleep by now,” I promised him. “We’ll just sneak in and out. They won’t even know we were there.”

Dooley sighed.“Good thing you’re my best friend, Max. I would never do this for Brutus.”

“Do what?”

“Risk life and limb to get you some dog biscuits.”

I gave him a warm smile.“I know, Dooley. And I’m glad you’re my friend.”

“I would do it for Harriet,” he continued musingly. “But only if she asked me. Once upon a time I would have done it without asking, but those days are definitely over.”

“Wow. Love doesn’t live there anymore, huh?”

“Where?” he asked, puzzled.

“It’s an expression. It means you’ve stopped loving Harriet.”

“I never loved Harriet,” he said annoyedly. “I liked Harriet a lot. There’s a difference.”

“Of course there is.”

We were trotting along the main road, cars passing us by, making great time, and I was actually starting to perk up a little. The prospect of digging into Rex and Rollo’s bowls and fishing out the best bits almost made me feel giddy. A woman like Donna, rich beyond compare, probably spent a fortune on dog food, reserving only the best and most expensive stuff for her beloved mutts. I just hoped they hadn’t eaten all of it.

“Do you think Harriet will ever break up with Brutus?” asked Dooley.

“Why? I thought you only ‘liked’ her?”

“I do. That’s why I feel it’s my duty to look out for her. And I don’t think Brutus is right for her, Max. I really don’t.”

“I think he is. Those two deserve each other,” I said. And if I sounded bitter that’s because I was. Harriet was trying to steal my thunder. Presenting herself as the prime sleuth in the Poole household. Well, I wasn’t having it. There was only one prime sleuth and that was me. At least when I was properly fed and my brain was working at full capacity.

“Brutus has changed,” Dooley admitted, still harping on the same theme. “He’s become more sedate. Less of a bully.”

“I told you. He’s henpecked now. Domesticated. He won’t give us any more trouble.”

“Do you really believe that, Max?”

“Yes, I do.” No, I didn’t. Bullies like Brutus never really change. Though we had reached some kind of understanding lately. A d?tente, like the US and the USSR had in Cold War days.

“Tell me something, Max.”

I grunted, hoping he’d finally change the subject. All this talk of Harriet and Brutus was getting on my nerves. “What?”

“When Harriet kissed you, what did it feel like?”

“Wet.”

“Did you feel butterflies fluttering around in your tummy? A choir of angels singing in the sky? The scent of blossoms filling your nostrils? A feeling that all was well with the world?”

“I felt an urge to slap her, if that’s what you mean.”

He gave me a dark scowl. Obviously that wasn’t the answer he’d been looking for.

Lucky for me we’d finally reached the Donna Bruce place. All was dark, which was a good sign. I just hoped Rex and Rollo would prove as dumb as they looked and wouldn’t chase two innocent cats trying to steal their food after hours. We approached with stealth and bated breath, and walked around the back, justlike that morning. The pool area was deserted, and there was no sign of the two hyped-up poodles.

“Looks promising,” I whispered.

“Why are you whispering?” Dooley whispered back.

Some questions are just too dumb to dignify with a response so I didn’t respond. Instead, I padded up to the back door but found it locked. Obviously. And thus the tedious task of finding an access point began. I finally found a ground floor window that was ajar and attempted to get in that way. Unfortunately, because of my big bones, I didn’t fit. So I told Dooley to give it a try. It was a tight fit but he managed. Once he was inside, he whispered, “What do I do now?”

“Now you go in search of food and bring it to me,” I instructed my feeble-minded friend.

He gave me two claws up and disappeared from sight. I waited patiently for his return, all the while trying to ignore my rumbling stomach. I’d never known hunger before, and now I understood what all the hungry animals in the world must experience on a daily basis. It wasn’t a lot of fun.

And I’d just wandered off in the direction of the pool, when I caught movement inside the house. I walked up to the glass doors and peeked inside. One of the many advantages us felines have over humans is that we can see in the dark. And what I saw in the dark was… Donna Bruce!

I staggered back in shock and horror. What the… After gathering my courage, I approached the window once more. And sure enough, Donna Bruce was walking around inside, dressed in a white nightgown, carrying some kind of smoking contraption in her hands and flitting to and fro as she waved the smoky thing along the walls, moved it past the furniture, and generally seemed to be performing some kind of strange ritual.

I’d never seen a dead person walking around before, so I had my face glued to the glass all the while. Now that I was over my first reaction of fear, the phenomenon was kinda fascinating. So this was what a ghost looked like, huh? Cool!

Then she disappeared from sight and the show was over.

Lost in thought, I moved back to where I’d left a Dooley eager to find food for me. What I found was a Dooley scared stiff.

“I saw a ghost!” he cried.

“Me too. Where’s my food?”

“I saw the ghost of Donna Bruce!”

“I know. So where’s my food?”

“She’s dead and she’s still walking around!”

“My food, Dooley!”

He stared at me, not comprehending. Then he got it.“Oh, there is no food. I think they moved the dogs. There’s no sign of Rex and Rollo. But I saw the ghost of Donna Bruce!”

Crap. I didn’t know much about ghosts, but what I did know was that they didn’t eat. So we’d come all this way for nothing? Crappity crap! But then it dawned on me. If I told Odelia we’d seen the ghost of Donna Bruce she might be so happy she gave me some Cat Snax!

And as Dooley and I began the long trek back to home and hearth, that thought was the only thing that kept me going. That and the notion that we’d finally bested Harriet at the sleuthing thing. Cause if that really was Donna’s ghost, she’d be able to tell us who killed her, wouldn’t she? Of course she would. Case closed! Cat Snax here I come!

Chapter 23

Odelia woke up from the scuffle of paws and the clicking of claws against the side of the bed. There were hushed voices and she knew what was going on. Max was trying to jump up on the bed, proving he wasn’t too fat, and Dooley was giving him a boost but failing to apply sufficient thrust to propel the overweight cat up and away.

She rolled over and tried to go back to sleep. It was still dark out and she so did not want to get up. After the bee incident there had been a lot of shouting and recriminations being hurled about, and it had taken forever to calm down all parties and clear the house and garden of the last straggling bees. Now all she wanted to do was sleep.

“Pssst! Odelia!”

“Just lemme sleeeeep,” she murmured.

“Push harder, Dooley!”

“I’m pushing as hard as I can, Max!”

“Odelia! We’ve got news for you!”

“Tell me in the morning.”

“This can’t wait! We saw a ghost!”

“Max, I’m getting squished here.”

“That’s not possible. You’re just not pushing hard enough.”

“You’re too heavy!”

“No, I’m not. You’re just being lazy is all.”

There was the sound of a heavy object dropping to the floor and Dooley squealing in pain. Odelia sat up with a jerk.“Will you two cut it out already? I’m trying to get some sleep here.”

“Max sat on me!”

“I did not! You dropped me!”

With a loud groan of exasperation she switched on the light and peered over the edge of the bed. Max was sitting on top of Dooley’s face and Dooley did not seem happy about it.

“Max. Get off Dooley. Dooley, you should know better than to try and lift Max.”

“I know,” Dooley said once Max had shifted his butt. “But he insists it’s what friends do.”

“If you were really my friend you’d simply do as I tell you and give me a boost,” Max grumbled.

“What’s all this about a ghost?” Odelia muttered, supporting her head on her hand, her eyes drooping closed again.

“We saw the ghost of Donna Bruce. She was haunting her own house. Can I get a snack now?” asked Max.

Odelia’s eyes flashed open. “What were you two doing at Donna’s house?”

“We were… investigating,” Max said.

“And also looking for food,” Dooley added, earning him a scowl from Max.

“And then you saw Donna’s ghost,” Odelia said skeptically.

“Yes, we did,” Dooley said. “I saw her first, as I was inside the house looking for Rex and Rollo’s bowls. Max was waiting outside cause he couldn’t fit through the window.”

“Too much information, Dooley,” Max hissed.

“No, that’s fine,” said Odelia. She knew Dooley would never lie to her, which meant they really had seen something. She very much doubted it would be a ghost, since ghosts didn’t exist, but there must have been someone lurking about. “What did she look like, this ghost?”

“She looked exactly like Donna,” said Dooley.

“Spitting image,” Max agreed.

“And what does Donna look like?”

Dooley thought for a moment.“Well, she’s a woman, for one thing.”

“Long hair. Long white dress,” Max added.

“She was sort of floating around. Barefoot.”

“And she was carrying some kind of smoky thing, doing some kind of ritual.”

“Oh, that’s right,” said Dooley enthusiastically. “There was an awful lot of smoke.”

Odelia frowned. What little she knew about ghosts was that they wore whatever they died in, and since Donna had died in the nude, with only a towel to protect her modesty, this ghostly apparition most probably was not Donna. Still, it was obvious Max and Dooley had seen someone poking around Donna’s house in the middle of the night, so…

She picked up her phone from the nightstand and dialed Chase’s number. After a few rings a groggy voice muttered, “’lo?”

“Hey, Chase. Odelia. We have to check out Donna’s place. Someone’s prowling around.”

There was a momentary silence, then,“You’re at Donna’s house?”

“No, I’m in bed right now.”

“So… how do you know there’s a prowler on the loose?”

“Women’s—”

“Intuition. I get the drill. Meet me at the house. I’ll be there in five.”

She bit her lip. She should probably have thought this through a little more. Now Chase would think she was psychic. Unless there was no one out there, in which case he’d think she was nuts.

“Can we come?” asked Max.

“No, you can’t,” she said. “You’re still grounded, mister.”

“But we found the ghost!”

“You shouldn’t have been out there!”

“But… we’re just trying to help. Find the killer and all that.”

She shot him a look of censure. He was right, of course. They had found a valuable clue.“All right. You can come. But on one condition.”

“Anything!”

“From now on you’re going to stick to your diet. No more sneaking off in search of food. Is that understood?”

Max wavered. This was obviously a hard decision to make. Finally his curiosity to find out more about this ghost won out and he nodded.“Oh, all right. I’ll stick to my diet from now on.”

“Good.” She got dressed in jeans and a hooded sweatshirt, slipped her feet into a pair of sneakers and snatched her smartphone from the nightstand.

“Don’t forget to take your dildo,” said Dooley helpfully.

Her hand paused.“What did you just say?”

“Your dildo,” Dooley said. “To reach those hard-to-reach G-spots. Who knows where this ghost is hiding, right?”

She frowned down at Dooley and Max, both looking up at her with expressions of such innocence and guilelessness she couldn’t help but smile. “Of course I’ll take my dildo. I never leave home without it.” She snapped the plastic object from the drawer and put it in her pocket. And as she walked down the stairs she swore never to let those cats near the Internet again. Ever.

Chapter 24

She arrived at the house just as Chase rolled up in his pickup truck and parked right behind hers. He got out, his hair tousled and dressed in sturdy jeans, check flannel shirt and cowboy boots.“So what’s this about a prowler? And don’t give me that women’s intuition line again.”

“I got a call just now from one of Donna’s neighbors walking his dog. He said he saw someone move around inside the house.”

“Who called?”

“I’m sorry but I can’t tell you. A reporter has to protect her sources.”

He gave her an intense look.“Haven’t we moved beyond that crap, Odelia?”

She lifted her shoulders in a shrug and turned toward the house.“What can I say? My sources trust me to protect their confidentiality and anonymity and I owe it to them to respect that.”

“Of course you do,” he grumbled as he fell into step beside her. He looked down when he saw movement and started. “You brought your cats along?”

“Always.”

He shook his head.“You are one special cookie, Odelia.”

She hooked her arm through his.“But you like special cookies, right?”

He eyed her warmly.“You know I do. Now let’s catch ourselves a prowler, shall we?”

They arrived at the house and Odelia watched her cats sneak around the back. A sliver of fear suddenly settled around her heart.“So how do you want to do this?”

“Very carefully,” Chase said, and peered into one of the windows on the ground floor. “I don’t see a thing.”

“Maybe they’re upstairs.” Or maybe they left already. Or maybe her cats were delusional.

Chase moved to the front door and studied the lock for a moment. Then he took a small pouch from his pocket and extracted a metal tool that she seemed to recognize from her frequent visits to the dentist. Chase inserted it into the lock, then added a second metal tool and messed around with them for a while. The door suddenly clicked open and they were in.

“I didn’t know you burgled houses for a living!” she whispered as they stepped inside.

“Back when I was employed by the NYPD I had a buddy who was a converted crook. He taught me a few tricks of his trade. You never know when this kind of stuff comes in handy. Like now.”

“Can you teach me?”

He grinned.“If you teach me about women’s intuition.”

“I can’t. It’s called women’s intuition for a reason.”

“So it’s like some kind of secret only shared by women, huh?”

“Something like that.”

They both took out their smartphones to light their way, and quickly inspected the ground floor but found it to be completely deserted. Odelia sniffed the air, and thought the house smelled an awful lot of pot, for some reason. She noticed Max gesturing at her through a half-opened window so she opened the window further and let him in.“Remember what I told you,” she said. “No looking for food. Only clues.”

“Clues, yes. Food, no. Gotcha.”

She followed Chase up the stairs, going from room to room. With two bathrooms and six bedrooms, the place was pretty expansive, and they’d finally reached the master bedroom when both their beams of light fell on a lone figure asleep in the bed. They halted in their tracks.

“What the…” Chase muttered. He held up a hand, balling it into a fist in some kind of Special Forces command, and proceeded further into the room, Odelia hanging back. She saw that he’d drawn his gun and was pointing it at the intruder. She just hoped it wasn’t Donna’s ghost because shedidn’t think ghosts responded well to gunfire.

Chase had reached the bed and was staring down at the sleeping figure, a frown creasing his brow.

“Who is it?” she asked from the door.

He beckoned her over, holstering his service weapon. And as she joined him, she saw the figure was a woman, dressed in a long, flowing white robe, barefoot and with long dark hair. And it definitely wasn’t Donna Bruce.

“She looks familiar somehow,” said Chase. “Like I’ve seen her before somewhere.”

And then it dawned on her.“But that’s Zelda Yoke. The actress. She starred in thoseStar Cars movies. Remember? Where a bunch of cars turn out to be these big robot warriors, fighting other big robot warriors in space. She made a bunch of those.”

“I remember. Weren’t she and Donna Bruce locked in some kind of rivalry?”

“They were. Donna starred in the more popularStar Rigs franchise, where a bunch of trucks turn out to be big robot warriors, fighting other big robot warriors in space.”

As the leading ladies of the two nearly identical franchises, the two stars fought a bitter battle for years. Finally, Donna retired from the franchise and acting to focus on her website, and Zelda’s star had faded away when the fifth and final movie in theStar Cars series bombed at the box office.

Chase shook the woman’s shoulder and she stirred, smacking her lips. “Donna? Is that you?” she murmured. When she opened her eyes and saw two strangers staring down at her, she yelped in sudden fear. “Who the hell are you?”

“Hampton Cove Police, ma’am. May I ask what you’re doing in Donna Bruce’s bed?”

The woman blinked.“Why, Donna invited me, of course. I’m her starring guest.”

“You are aware that Mrs. Bruce passed away this morning, ma’am?”

“Of course I’m aware Donna passed away. Why do you think I’m here?”

“You mean she invited you before she died?”

“No, she invited me after she died. Told me to come to her home and get in touch with her spirit.” She sat up, a glazed look in her eyes. “Donna and I have always had a very strong connection. Sisters from another mister is what we were. Kindred spirits. So when she died I felt a very powerful disturbance in the force and I just knew I had to come here.”

“I’m afraid you’re trespassing, ma’am.”

“But Donna wants me here. She needs me here. I’m telling you her spirit reached out to me.”

“Why don’t you get dressed and come with me?”

“Come with you?” She frowned. “Who are you again?”

“Hampton Cove Police. And I’m afraid you’re under arrest for trespassing.”

“But I can’t be. I keep telling you but you won’t listen. Donna invited me. I’m a guest.”

“Were you burning something downstairs, Mrs. Yoke?” asked Odelia, remembering Dooley’s words.

The former actress smiled.“You’re very perceptive. I was burning incense. To ward off the bad spirits and to summon Donna’s spirit.”

“And did it work?” asked Chase.

“Not yet. But I’m sure she’ll be here any moment now.” The woman glanced around, as if fully expecting Donna to suddenly materialize out of thin air. “She invited me here, you know.”

“Of course she did,” said Chase. “Now come along, Mrs. Yoke.”

“Are you familiar with my work, Officer?”

“As a matter of fact I am,” said Chase as he escorted the woman from the room.

“And what was your favorite? I liked the firstStar Cars the most. That one was a huge hit.”

“Yes, it was,” said Chase, and helped the actress down the stairs. It was a little sad to see her like this, Odelia thought. She had been wonderful in thoseStar Cars movies.

“Did you know I do all my own stunts?”

“Is that a fact?”

“Donna never did. Everything you see in thoseStar Rigs movies is all CGI. WithStar Cars what you see is what you get. It’s all real. All me.”

“If you don’t mind my asking, where were you this morning around seven, Mrs. Yoke?”

“This morning around seven?” They’d reached the foyer and Chase opened the front door to escort the woman out. “Why, I was reaching out to Donna, of course. We’re connected on a higher level, you know. Soul sisters.”

“Mind the step.”

And as the woman padded barefoot along the drive in the direction of Chase’s pickup, Odelia and Chase at her elbows making sure she didn’t trip and fall, Odelia thought they’d just closed this case. It was now obvious to her that the intense rivalry that had existed between the two actresses all these years had finally driven Zelda Yoke crazy, inducing her to commit this atrocious act of violence and get rid of her ‘soul sister’ once and for all.

The cats came tripping behind her. They, too, seemed pleased as punch at this unexpected development. Mostly because they’d beaten Harriet at her own game, and possibly because Max had found something to eat after all, judging from the crumbs of dog biscuit covering his lips.

She decided he’d earned it. And as Chase placed Zelda in the back of his car and locked the door, he said, “I think the combination of your intuition and your secretive informant may just have cracked this case, Odelia.”

“I think so, too,” she said, directing a commiserating glance at Zelda, who sat muttering to herself, rocking back and forth. “What a sad ending, though, right?”

“Yeah, I loved thoseStar Cars movies. They were da bomb.”

“Da bomb?” she laughed. “The nineties called, they want their bomb back.”

“Laugh all you want.Star Cars was great fun.”

“I was more intoStar Rigs.”

“Star Rigs was clearly a rip-off ofStar Cars.”

“I’m pretty sureStar Rigs came first.”

“And I’m pretty sure you’re wrong.”

“Don’t tell me you’re a Zelda Yoke fan.”

“Don’t tell me you’re a Donna Bruce fan.”

Odelia held her hand up in theStar Rigs salute, which was a fist with her pinkie finger sticking out.“Star Rigs forever, buddy.”

Chase made theStar Cars salute, a fist with his thumb sticking out sideways.“Star Cars all the way, babe.”

And the age-old rivalry would have caused two more casualties if Zelda hadn’t at that moment rolled down her window and asked, “Can we go now? Donna is waiting for me.”

“Waiting for you where?” asked Chase.

The actress raised her eyes to the sky.“Why, amongst the stars, of course.”

“Of course,” said Chase with a grin at Odelia, and got into the car.

Odelia watched him drive off.“Well, you guys did good.”

“Do you think she did it?” asked Dooley.

“I’m pretty sure she did.”

“Yay!” Max said, pumping the air with his paw. “So can I have some Cat Snax now?”

She smiled.“Yes, you can. But then you’re going back on the diet, all right?”

“Yes!” Max exclaimed, exchanging a high five with Dooley. “We did it, Dooley!”

“Case closed?”

“Case closed,” Odelia agreed.

Chapter 25

I was lounging on the windowsill, the sun streaming in through the window, having a well-deserved nap. I’d solved the case. I’d enjoyed my Cat Snax. Now all I had to do was rub Harriet’s face in my victory and my triumph was complete.

Dooley was lying next to me, also in deep slumber, while Odelia had left to interview Zelda Yoke, the actress who’d murdered her long-time rival. According to Odelia it was a sad case, though I didn’t see it that way. Rivalry amongst actors has always existed. Bette Davis and Joan Crawford. Olivia de Havilland and Joan Fontaine. Tom and Jerry. The list goes on and on. Only this time a line had been crossed and one rival had actually murdered another rival. I guess it’s just one of those things. I think they call it an occupational hazard. I’m sure you can even take out insurance against it.

“Max, you devil,” suddenly a voice rang out nearby.

I opened one eye and saw that Harriet had drifted into the room.

“Hey, Harriet. How’s things?”

“Things are lousy. You just solved my case without me! You actually went around my back and solved my case!”

“Hey, I just had one of my famous hunches. You can’t blame me for being brilliant.”

She seemed really fired up, for she was pacing the room, her face all scrunched up in an expression of extreme upset.“This was my case, Max. My case. I was going to solve it.”

“By surfing the web. Riiiight,” I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm.

“It’s the new way! The modern way.”

“Solving a murder case without leaving the house? That’s just ridiculous!”

“No, it’s not. Hercule Poirot solved murder cases just by letting his little gray cells do all the work. And he didn’t even have a computer!”

“He had that gumshoe, that Hastings guy to do all the legwork for him,” I reminded her. Which actually wasn’t such a bad idea. Maybe next case I could get Dooley to do all the walking around—which is kinda exhausting, you have to admit, not to mention tedious—and then I’d simply put twoand two together and come up with a brilliant solution. Just like that pint-sized Belgian detective!

Brutus had also joined us and was sticking his nose in the air and sniffing.“Cat Snax?” he asked.

“Yup. My reward for cracking another case.”

He grimaced.“Good for you, Max. Though I wouldn’t advertise the fact too much. Harriet’s been sore as a gumboil ever since she found out.”

Harriet, who’d disappeared into the kitchen, now returned, and Brutus was right. She was sore as a gumboil. Maybe even sorer. Like two gumboils. “I can’t believe Odelia let you skip your diet!” she cried. “Cat Snax? Really? You should be ashamed of yourself!”

I wasn’t following. “Ashamed of myself for cracking this case?”

“No, for manipulating Odelia into letting you cheat on your diet.”

“It’s my reward. I did the work and now I deserve a reward.”

“Don’t you see that you’re endangering yourself with this morbid obesity you’re pushing for, Max?”

“Hey, who are you calling morbidly obese?”

“You, Max. You are morbidly obese.”

“And you are jealous I cracked the case and you didn’t.”

“You only think about yourself, don’t you? Huh?”

“Who else is there to think about?” I asked, puzzled.

“He’s got a point, toots,” said Brutus.

She turned on him in a flash.“Oh, now you’re taking his side?”

“No, but…”

“You men! You’re all the same! Never a thought about anyone but yourselves! Have you ever considered Odelia’s feelings, Max?”

“Um…”

“How devastated she’s going to be when you die?”

“Well, I don’t intend to die anytime soon, so the point is moot.”

Dooley, who’d followed the back-and-forth with mild interest, laughed. “Moot. Funny word.”

“The way you’re going, you are going to die soon, Max. And Odelia is going to be crushed. For some reason—Lord only knows why—she seems to care about you, and the loss will be a blow.”

I thought about this. Maybe Harriet was right. If I died—which was a very big if, mind you—Odelia wouldn’t take the news well. She did like me a lot. And what was not to like? I’m funny, charming, handsome, clever and I provide great entertainment.

“Look, I’m not going to die, Harriet,” I said. “So you can stop with all the scaremongering. I know you’re jealous because I cracked another case and you’ll say just about anything to upset me but it’s not going to work.”

“Good one, bro,” Brutus muttered.

I glanced over. Weird. Brutus was taking my side now? This was something new.

“Well, I’ll have you know that if you keep digging your grave with your teeth the way you’ve been doing for some time now you’ll be dead within a year. Probably even less. So there.”

“Is she right, Max?” asked Dooley. “Are you going to die soon?”

“Of course I’m not going to die! I’m far too young to die!”

“Not if you keep eating those Cat Snax,” said Harriet. “That stuff will kill you.”

“Pretty tasty, though,” Brutus muttered, refusing to meet Harriet’s gaze.

“And the same goes for you, Brutus,” said Harriet. “If you can’t stick to your diet we’re finished. Kaput. The end.”

He directed a pleading look at her.“Come on, babe. I’m not as fat as Max. Just look at us. He’s a lot fatter than me. He’s at least twice my size.”

“That’s because he’s a different body type,” she snapped.

Brutus lifted his face to me, the look of a long-suffering cat in his eyes.‘See what I’m dealing with here?’ the look seemed to say. ‘You’re not the only cat who’s in pain.’

And then I got it. For some reason, Harriet had put her beau on a diet. And knowing Brutus as a great trenchercat, one whose jaws never seemed to stop mauling some little morsel or snack, he was probably in his own private hell right now. And since misery loves company, he was obviously looking upon me as a friend. A fellow sufferer of this diet craze.

“Brutus,” Harriet said as she headed for the door. “Are you coming?”

Brutus directed a longing look at the kitchen, where my bowl of Cat Snax stood.

“Brutus! I’m not going to tell you twice!”

The former bully hung his head and shuffled out the door, his proud spirit broken.

“You know? I’m actually feeling sorry for the guy,” said Dooley, watching him leave.

“Me too. Who would have thought Harriet could turn into the cat from hell?”

“I did,” Dooley said ruefully. “She once accused me of being a spineless yellow-belly.”

“But why?”

“For not standing up to you more.”

“To me!”

He nodded.“She figured you treated me more like a slave than a friend sometimes, and told me to rise up and not take any more of your crap.”

“Why, the little minx! Trying to drive a wedge through our friendship!”

“You have been kind of insufferable lately, though, Max. So maybe Harriet had a point.”

“Insufferable? Me? Are you crazy?!”

Dooley winced.“I think it’s the diet. It makes you cranky.”

“I’m never cranky! I’m the picture of equanimity and poise!”

“I don’t know what that means, but you have to admit you have a pretty short fuse these days. I love you, Max, but it’s tough being your friend when you’re hungry.”

I thought about this. Maybe Dooley was right. I did get pretty cranky when I was hungry, and I did have a tendency to take it out on others. I gave him a rueful look.“I’m sorry, buddy. I guess you’re right. I don’t like feeling hungry, but I shouldn’t take it out on you.”

“That’s all right. I don’t like being hungry either. I guess none of us do.”

I plunked my head down on my paws.“I know one thing, Dooley.”

“What’s that?”

“Dieting sucks.”

“Well, at least the case is solved. I’m sure Odelia will lighten up now.”

“Yeah, at least there’s that.”

From beyond our garden, Harriet’s high-pitched voice reached our ears.

“Brutus! I told you not to eat that mouse!”

“But I like mice!” Brutus said plaintively. “They’re full of proteins.”

“Too many saturated fats! Now come along. Time for our power walk. Work off that fat!”

I shared a look with Dooley, and we both shook our heads.“Poor Brutus,” I said.

Chapter 26

“I can’t believe she’s dead,” Zelda wailed. The effect of whatever she’d been on had worn off by now, and she finally seemed to realize what she’d done.

Chase and Odelia were sitting across the table from the actress, whose hands were shackled down. Odelia directed a pleading look at Chase, who took the keys to her cuffs out of his pocket and released the woman.

“She was my best friend!” Zelda continued to wail, gratefully accepting the box of tissues Odelia placed in front of her.

“I thought she was your greatest rival,” said Chase.

“She was—but being the greatest rivals created a bond. After my career tanked, Donna was the only one who cared to look me up. She helped me find an apartment when my money ran out and even paid the rent. She was the only true friend I ever had.”

Now this was news.“So where do you live now?” asked Odelia.

“Long Island City. I moved out here when Donna moved out here.”

“And Donna was paying your rent?”

“She was. Now that she’s gone I guess that’ll be over.”

“Maybe not. Maybe she put a provision in her will for you.”

Zelda looked up hopefully.“You think?”

“Didn’t you ever talk about this kind of stuff?”

She shook her head.“Donna figured we’d live forever. She refused to discuss death. Said if we just ignored it we might be able to cheat it.” She laughed through her tears. “She was a real hoot once you got to know her.”

“What about royalties from your movies?” asked Chase. “You made so many amazing movies. Possibly the best and greatest franchise in the history of cinema.”

“Thanks,” she said. “I can tell you’re a real fan, Detective. But back when I made those movies I wasn’t a star at all. I was just a beginning actress and I signed a lousy deal. I got paid twenty-five grand for the first one, a bit more for the others. The last one netted me three hundred thousand.”

“Not exactly big money.”

“Not exactly. If you subtract taxes, agent fees, social security and all that, there wasn’t a whole lot left. Not enough to retire on, that’s for sure.”

Odelia caught Chase frowning. It was obvious that there was no motive for Zelda to murder Donna. Not if she stood to lose her benefactor. The woman who’d helped her out all these years.

“Are you sure you don’t remember where you were yesterday morning, Zelda?” I asked.

She shook her head.“I get these memory lapses. I’ll lose hours at a time.”

It wasn’t hard to figure out why that was. Officers had found Zelda’s abandoned car a mile from Donna’s house, the door open. Inside, they’d discovered enough weed to supply a small colony. And the smoking thing Dooley and Max had seen her use inside the house wasn’t incense but Zelda’s bong, which explained the pungent odor that had permeated the house.

“Did Donna also finance your marijuana habit?” she asked.

The woman’s eyes widened. “Marijuana? I don’t have a marijuana habit.”

“Come on, Zelda,” said Chase. “We found your car. And your stash.”

She sobered.“That’s for medicinal purposes only. I have allergies.”

“Pot helps with allergies?”

“Pot helps with everything,” she said with a lazy grin. “I could actually use some right now. Can you hook me up?”

“Are you really asking a cop to hook you up with drugs?” asked Chase.

She narrowed her eyes.“Is that a trick question?”

He turned to Odelia.“Can I talk to you outside?”

They both left the room.“I don’t think she did it,” said Chase once they were alone.

“You’re only saying that because she’s your hero.”

He pointed at the woman behind the one-way mirror.“Do you seriously want me to believe that wreck of a human being had the presence of mind to steal a hive of bees, then execute the perfect crime? She doesn’t even remember how she got to Donna’s house in the first place. Not to mention the fact that Donna paid her rent and who knows what else.”

“I was just kidding. I don’t think she did it either.”

“Oh, Christ!” Chase yelled, fisting his fingers in his hair and pulling. “Back to square one!”

“Looks like it,” Odelia confessed. She studied Zelda for a moment, who was now making finger guns and pretending to shoot at the ceiling. Probably reenacting one of the stunts she’d done without a stunt double on the set ofStar Cars.“We’ll just have to keep on digging,” she finally said.

“We got the analysis back on some tire tracks we found behind Donna’s house.”

“And?”

“Toyota Tacoma. We’re putting together a list of Tacoma owners. It might take a while.”

She nodded. Good old-fashioned police work. Chase was an ace at that kind of thing, and so was her uncle. She depended more on her instincts, her cats and… sheer luck. She rubbed her eyes.

“Why don’t you get some sleep?” he suggested. “You look beat.”

“Yeah, maybe I’ll do that. I could use a few more hours. What about you?”

He smiled.“I’m one of thoseStar Cars dudes, babe. We don’t need sleep, only stardust.”

She leaned in for a kiss, and that’s when something started vibrating in her pocket. Chase reached down and took it out. It was a small black plastic thing, shaped like a rocket. With an expert hand, he switched it off and tucked it back into her pocket, then cocked an inquisitive eyebrow at her.

She blushed.“I’m one of thoseStar Rig gals, babe. We don’t need guys, only batteries.”

He stroked a finger along her cheek, and huskily said,“Whenever you change your mind about that, you know where to find me.”

Chapter 27

Odelia had dropped by the house, announcing that we weren’t out of the woods yet. The case, which we’d assumed closed, was still wide open, Zelda Yoke not the cunning killer we’d pegged her as. Bummer. Harriet, returning from her power walk with Brutus, was ecstatic, though.

“I knew it!” she yelled. “I just knew it! No way Max and Dooley caught the killer.”

“Why is it so hard to believe we would catch the killer?” I asked, feeling a little offended.

“Because you’re boys,” said Harriet with amazing lack of logic and reason. “Come on, Brutus. We’re leaving.”

“But we just got here!” the big, black cat cried. He was lying spread-eagle on the floor, trying to catch his breath.

“And now we’re leaving. We have a killer to catch and no time to waste!”

And just when I thought she was going to hit the street and pound the pavement, just like any old-fashioned detective, she hopped up on Odelia’s computer table and fired up the computer. With a grunt of despair, Brutus hauled himself up from the floor and shuffled after his ladylove. Glancing over his shoulder, he muttered, “Never get married, fellas. Don’t do it.” And then he joined Harriet at the computer, ready for another fewhours of surfing the web.

Odelia, who’d taken a shower and looked more human when she returned downstairs, said, “Are you guys coming?”

“Nah-uh,” said Harriet without looking up from her no doubt strenuous activity. “We’re busy trying to find the killer, Odelia. Isn’t that right, sugar-pop?”

“Whatever you say, snuggle-cup,” said Brutus, having trouble keeping his eyes open.

Odelia stared at the twosome, and for a moment I thought she was going to say something, but then she seemed to think better of it. She turned to us.“What about you guys? Are you coming?”

“Yes, please,” I said. Anything to get away from Harriet, who was in a particularly annoying mood today.

We rode in Odelia’s pickup to the office, where she dropped us off. “Don’t wander off too far,” she warned as she locked the car. “And remember about your diet, Max. Don’t fall off the wagon.”

“I won’t,” I promised her. We watched her disappear into the offices of the Hampton Cove Gazette and then set foot down the street.

“So where are we going?” asked Dooley.

“Why don’t we pay a visit to Kingman?” I suggested. “We haven’t seen that cat in a while.”

Kingman is Wilbur Vickery’s piebald. Wilbur runs the General Store and sells pretty much everything the grown cat needs—and the grown human, for that matter. Dooley must have seen right through me, for he said, “We’re just gathering information, right? Not food?”

“Of course! How can you even think about food at a time like this? We have a killer to catch, Dooley, and if we’re ever going to beat Harriet at her own game, we need to move fast.”

“You don’t really think Harriet is ever going to catch the killer by spending time on that computer, do you?”

“I think chances of that happening are slim to none.”

We padded over to the Vickery General Store, and found Kingman, perched on the counter, keeping his human company as usual. When he saw us waddling up, he gave us a cheerful salute.“Hey there, fellas. Long time no see. What’s happening in your neck of the woods?”

“Oh, nothing special,” I said, trying to come across as cool and laidback as Kingman himself.

“Max is on a diet,” said Dooley, “and he’s not allowed to eat anything other than diet food. So if you were thinking of feeding him some special snack, think again, because if he doesn’t stop being morbidly obese he’s going to die soon and break Odelia’s heart and I’ll lose my best friend and I don’t think I can take that.” He choked up and both Kingman and I looked at the ragamuffin in surprise.

“Dooley,” I said. “I had no idea you felt so strongly about this dieting thing.”

“I didn’t know either,” he said in a strangled voice. “Not until Harriet said all that stuff about you dying and all. I don’t want you to die, Max. I don’t want to lose my best friend in all the world.”

“I’m not going to die, buddy. I’m as fit as a horse.”

“You’re the size of a horse,” said Kingman. “Dooley is right. You are too fat for your own good.”

I directed a scathing look at him.“How many times do I have to tell you? I’m not fat! I have big bones. It runs in the family.”

“You can fool yourself but you can’t fool me,” said Kingman. “You look just about one sausage away from a massive coronary.”

God. If there’s one thing I hate it’s a cat that has no filter, and Kingman is just such a cat. “All right, all right,” I said. “I’ll lose weight. I’ll slim down until I’m as slim as you.”

“Not as easy as it looks,” said Kingman. “My body is my temple. I treat it with respect.”

“Treat your body with respect, Max,” Dooley urged. “If not for yourself, do it for me.”

“I already told you I would do the diet thing,” I said. “And my word is my bond.”

Dooley seemed pleased by this, giving me encouraging pats on the back.“I’m so glad you’re finally seeing the light, Max. I can’t imagine spending the rest of my life without you.”

Ugh. All this sentimentality was seriously getting on my nerves. And then I caught sight of a nice piece of steak that was lying on the floor where someone had dropped it. I looked left. I looked right. Nobody had spotted it. And even without any instigation from me, my paws starting plotting a course to the piece of red steak. I could already feel the texture in my mouth—taste it on my tongue—imagine it sliding down my throat. And I was about to pounce on the delicious morsel when suddenly Dooley entered my field of vision and said, “No, Max. You promised.”

“But it’s red meat! Red meat is good for me!”

“It’s fattening. The last thing you need right now is to fatten up even more.”

“I won’t fatten up,” I told him. “I promise!”

“Eat this and I won’t be your friend anymore,” Dooley said with uncharacteristic severity.

“Huh?”

“I’m not going to stand idly by and watch you eat yourself to death, Max.”

“Well, you don’t have to. You just have to watch me eat that tasty bit of steak.” And I made a move to snap it up, only to be forestalled by Dooley once again.

“Choose, Max. Me or that steak.”

Phew. Tough choice. Still, instinct is instinct, and red meat is red meat, and I would have gobbled the bit of steak if I suddenly hadn’t caught sight of a familiar figure.

“Hey, isn’t that Donna’s CEO Hillary Davies?”

“I’m not going to fall for that, Max. You’re just trying to distract me.”

“No, but it really is. Look, she just ran into Donna’s ex-husband.”

“You’ll have to do better than that. You know me, Max. Nothing gets past me.”

“Oh, and those must be Donna’s kids. Sweetums and Honeychild. Look how Hillary is smiling so sweetly at those kids. It’s obvious she’s crazy about them.”

“Oh, for crying out loud,” Dooley said, and grabbed the bit of steak between his teeth and devoured it in one go. He swallowed, then turned to where I was looking.

I stared at him, aghast.“Did you just eat my piece of steak?”

“It wasn’t your piece of steak.”

“But you just told me it was fattening.”

He lifted his chin.“I’m your friend, Max. If I have to sacrifice myself for your sake, I will gladly do so.”

I narrowed my eyes at him.“Eating a perfectly delicious and juicy bit of steak doesn’t sound like much of a sacrifice to me.”

“A friend’s gotta do what a friend’s gotta do.”

And then we both watched as Hillary Davies picked up Sweetums and Honeychild, who turned out to be two adorable apple-cheeked little boys, and hugged them close. Tad Rip watched on with a smile on his face. It was the scene of perfect familial bliss, if not for the fact that it should have been Donna and not her CEO hugging those kids.

“We have to find the killer, Max,” said Dooley, obviously sharing my sentiments.

“Yes, we do,” I said, and never had I been more resolved to put my best paw forward. Watching Dooley swallow down that tasty sliver of steak I had marked for my own might have had something to do with it as well. I was pretty sure that if we caught the killer, Odelia would be more than happy tobuy me not just a tiny piece of steak but a complete slice!

Chapter 28

Odelia was feeling restless. She’d written her article—what little she knew about the case at this point—and now there was nothing else to do but go over all the elements again until something jumped out at her that would provide the final clue. That moment when everything clicked into place. And she’d revisited the crimescene in her head and had gone over all the interviews she and Chase had done but still nothing took her to that aha moment she was looking for. Nothing.

Even Max and Dooley were coming up empty, and if Harriet and Brutus had found something online they weren’t telling, which meant Harriet was probably just surfing to all the gossip sites as usual.

She looked up when a deferential cough sounded. Her editor Dan was watching her from the doorway, thoughtfully rubbing his long white beard.“Stuck, kid?” he asked in his smoky voice.

“Yeah, pretty much,” she admitted.

“You know what I do when I get stuck?”

“Have a smoke?”

“How do you know?”

“I don’t smoke, Dan. And I’m not going to start simply because this case doesn’t make sense.”

“I’m not telling you to smoke, honey. I’m telling you to take a break.”

“Take a break?”

“Don’t look at me as if I just suggested you to go and harpoon some whales. Taking a break is a perfectly legitimate solution to getting your brain unstuck.”

“But I still have a ton of work. There’s the county fair, the new addition to the marina, the paddleboard competition—”

“Those can all wait. As your editor what I want you to do right now is to take a break. Get away from your computer for a couple hours and take your mind off things for a while.”

“You’re a weird editor, Dan,” she said. “Most editors prefer to work their reporters to death.”

He pointed a stubby, crooked finger at her.“And that’s exactly what I don’t want you to do. I like you too much to see you work yourself to death, Odelia. And I know from experience that sometimes all you need is some perspective.”

“And a break.”

“And a break. So shut down that computer of yours, get out of here, and don’t let me see you for at least the next couple of hours.”

“So what do you suggest I do?”

He threw up his hands.“Go for a walk! Take a swim. Sit on the beach and look at the damned tourists for all I care. But most importantly, don’t think about the case!”

Which, as she soon discovered, was easier said than done. She’d gone for a walk, and had walked as far as the boardwalk, taken a seat on one of the benches the town council had been so kind to install, and had stared out across the ocean for a bit. The water was pretty choppy, and kids were squealing happily as they jumped into the cresting waves. And she’d been sitting there for twenty minutes, doing her absolute darndest to empty her mind and NOT think about the case and NOT check her phone, when a deep voice sounded beside her.

“Mind if I join you?”

“Oh, God,” she said. “Am I happy to see you.”

Chase took a seat next to her on the bench.“Not that I’m not flattered, but any special reason?”

“I’ve been trying hard NOT to think about the case.”

He grinned.“Which is just about the best way to think about the case.”

“It is?”

“Of course. What if I tell you NOT to think about pink elephants?”

Suddenly, all she could think about were pink elephants.“I see what you mean.”

“Who gave you this sterling piece of advice?”

“Dan. Said if I didn’t get out and take a break I was never going to get anywhere.”

“Same here,” Chase said with a deep sigh. “Only it was your uncle who kicked me out.”

“So here we are. Marooned on the beach.”

“Yep. You can say that again. So why don’t we try NOT talking about the case, huh?”

She laughed.“You’re funny, do you know that, Detective Kingsley?”

“You take that back right now,” he said with a grin. “Police detectives are not supposed to be funny. It is not in the job description.”

“But you’re not a detective now, are you? You’re on a break, and so am I.”

So they sat there for a bit, a convivial silence descending upon them, when suddenly a woman started screaming nearby for help. Immediately, both she and Chase were on their feet.

They reached the woman, who was cradling a little girl in her arms. The girl’s breathing was labored and her face deathly pale.

“What happened?” Chase asked urgently.

“She was stung by a bee,” the woman wailed.

“She’s in shock,” Odelia determined. “Did you call 911?”

“I did,” said the woman, tears streaming down her face.

Chase checked the girl.“She’s not breathing,” he said, and immediately started CPR. Odelia took out her phone and called her dad. He just might beat the ambulance. She watched Chase perform the lifesaving procedure and when he announced that she was going to be fine, she breathed a sigh of relief and so did the girl’s mother. Just then, her dad’s car pulled up, and he came hurtling down the stone steps and plowed through the powdery sand until he’d reached them. He was carrying his black doctor’s bag and sank down onto his knees next to the girl.

“She was stung by a bee,” Odelia told him.

He nodded and went to work. She watched how he took out a needle and proceeded to inject the girl.“Epinephrine,” he told the mother. “She went into anaphylactic shock. Has this happened before?”

“No, never. But she’s never been stung before either.”

“Some people are allergic to bee stings.” He carefully monitored the girl’s pulse and checked her vital signs. “How do you feel, honey?” he asked when she began to pull through.

She coughed.“I feel nauseous,” she said thickly.

“That’s normal,” he assured her. “As is the swollen tongue and lips. Does your tummy hurt?”

The girl nodded.“Yes, it does.”

He smiled at her.“You’ll be just fine, darling. What’s your name?”

“Jessica.”

“I’m Doctor Tex, and you’re a very brave girl, Jessica. You’re doing great.” He turned to Jessica’s mother. “She’ll feel the effects for a couple of days, but they’ll wear off soon enough.”

“Oh, doctor,” the woman said. “I can’t thank you enough.”

“Thank my daughter,” said Tex. “She’s the one who called.”

“Thank Chase,” said Odelia. “He’s the one who performed CPR.”

The woman thanked all of them, and gave Chase a big old hug before enveloping her little girl in her arms and smothering her with kisses.“I thought I lost you,” she sniffed.

“I’m fine, Mom,” Jessica said, embarrassed at the display of affection in front of a bunch of strangers. “It was just a tiny, little prick. Though that bee sting really hurt.”

In the distance, the sound of an approaching ambulance could be heard. It pulled up right next to Odelia’s dad’s car and two paramedics jumped out and made their way over. Odelia and Chase watched as the EMTs gave Jessica a thorough checkup.

“That was a close call,” said Chase. “She’d completely stopped breathing for a minute there.”

She placed a hand on his arm.“You saved that girl’s life, Chase. You’re a hero.”

“Just doing my duty,” he muttered. “Anyone would have done the same.”

“Not everyone. Didn’t you notice how you were the only one who made an effort?”

“Not many people know CPR,” he admitted. “Though probably they should.”

Dad joined them, still carrying his little black bag.“She’ll be fine,” he announced. “Spirited little thing, isn’t she?”

“She sure is,” Odelia agreed as she watched the girl animatedly talk to the paramedics and the one lifeguard who’d finally decided to put in an appearance. She looked like she was enjoying all this attention, and demanded her mother take a bunch of pictures with her phone.

“Reminds me of something,” Dad said.

“Me too. Donna Bruce,” Odelia said.

“No, something a colleague once told me. Some woman who wanted to try apitherapy on her daughter, who was suffering from rheumatoid arthritis.”

“Apitherapy?” Chase asked.

“Bee sting therapy. The venom of bees purportedly alleviates the effects of the arthritis. Unfortunately the girl turned out to be allergic to bees, just like Jessica over there.”

“What happened?” asked Odelia.

“She died. When the mother realized what was going on, she called 911, but too late.”

“That’s a horrible story,” said Chase.

“When was this?”

“Oh, I must have heard this story… about six, seven years ago? I think it was at one of those conferences. There’s a lot of bar talk when a bunch of medical professionals get together.”

“There’s a lot of bar talk when any professionals get together,” said Chase. “Or non-professionals for that matter.”

For some reason, the story rang a bell with Odelia.“Where did this happen?”

Dad frowned.“I don’t remember exactly. I want to say… Cleveland?”

Cleveland… Odelia wondered why this story resonated with her so much, but before she could think things through, the EMTs wandered over and started discussing what happened to Jessica with her dad. She checked her watch and decided it was probably time she headed back to the office. Dan had told her to take a break, but she still had a ton of work to do. Chase seemed to feel the same way, for he asked if he could drop her off somewhere.

As he drove her back to the Hampton Cove Gazette, her mind drifted back to the story her dad had told them. Bees. This whole thing revolved around bees. But how? And why?

Chapter 29

We were home again, Dooley and me. We’d done all our usual haunts: the hair salon, the police station, the alleys and back alleys of Hampton Cove, talking to other cats, but they’d yielded no results. On top of that, I was tired. Subsisting on diet food like I did, I tired easily these days and all I wanted was to take a nap and float off into oblivion.

Unfortunately when we walked in through the glass sliding door, Harriet and Brutus were still there, like a couple of unwanted guests you just can’t seem to get rid of.

“And? What did you find?” I asked, jumping up onto the couch and settling down in my usual spot.

Harriet merely frowned, as if I’d asked her the wrong question.

“Nothing,” Brutus replied in her stead. “Bupkis. Diddly squat. Jack shit.”

“Brutus!” Harriet snapped. “Language.”

“It’s true though, isn’t it?” asked Brutus, whose long surfing session seemed to have galvanized him. “I know everything about Justin Bieber’s tattoos and even which kidney Selena Gomez had implanted but I still know precious little about who offed Donna Bruce.”

Harriet lifted her chin.“We just have to keep on looking. It’s only a matter of time before we hit on the telling clue.”

“Not by surfing that darned Interweb we won’t. How many times can you read about Kim’s Paris attack? Seriously, I’m done.” And to show us he meant business, he hopped down from the computer table and stretched and yawned.

“Brutus! We’re not finished yet.”

“I’m sorry, toots. I would tell you I cared about how much weight Mama June lost but I don’t.”

Harriet’s ears colored. “I’ve been looking at other stuff, too.”

“Right. What Honey Boo Boo looks like these days. I’m a cat, honey munch. I don’t care about that stuff. What I do care about is treating myself to a nice piece of meat at regular intervals, lounging on the couch with my precious—which is you, by the way—and sneaking around the neighborhood after dark, chasing critters and fighting off trespassers. So if you care to join me—which I sincerely hope you do—you’re welcome. If you prefer to find out what the Real Housewives of Nowhereville are up to, that’s fine, too. But don’t expect me to stick around, cause I won’t.”

Harriet looked shocked after this unexpected harangue.“Brutus,” she muttered brokenly.

“Now what’s it gonna be, sugar puss?”

Her blush had deepened.“Brutus, you’re suddenly so… dominant.”

“A tom’s gotta do what a tom’s gotta do. Now are you with me or not?”

“Brutus,” she breathed, deserting the world of reality TV and dropping down from the computer table. She stalked up to her beau, her tail trembling wildly. “Oh, Brutus…”

Brutus grinned at me and gave me a wink.“Watch and learn, fatso. Watch and learn.”

I responded with an eyeroll. So the old Brutus was back, huh? Of course he was. He’d just been suffering from a temporary weakness, as was to be expected.

“We’re hitting the town, boys,” Brutus announced when Harriet had sidled up to him and was rubbing herself provocatively against his flank. “Don’t wait up for us.”

And with these words, the revolting couple was off, leaving Dooley and me reeling. Well, Dooley was reeling. I wasn’t.

“Why can’t I be more like Brutus, Max?” Dooley lamented. “If I could be more like Brutus maybe Harriet would like me too. And then I’d be the one who took her out on the town.”

“Do you really want to take Harriet out on the town?”

“Of course I do! She’s so…” He sighed forlornly. “… wonderful.”

“Oh, Dooley,” I muttered, and closed my eyes. I only woke up when something was poking me in the side. I tried to slap it away but the poking only intensified.

“Max! Max, wake up!”

“I’m a cat, Dooley. I’m always awake,” I reminded him. Though as a matter of fact I’d actually been sleeping soundly, dreaming of that nice piece of steak Dooley had stolen from me. “What is it?” I finally asked, reluctantly abandoning my dream. If I couldn’t eat steak, at least I could dream about it. As far as I know, dreams aren’t fattening. Or are they?

“I think I found something,” Dooley announced.

“If it’s not meat I don’t want to know,” I muttered, and closed my eyes again.

“It’s about Hillary.”

“I don’t care about politics, Dooley.”

When he didn’t respond, I opened my eyes again and found him staring at me. “What do you mean you don’t care about politics?”

“Hillary Clinton. Donald Trump. I just don’t care.”

“Who are Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump?”

“My sentiments exactly. Now leave me be. I have to conserve my strength. I’m on a diet.”

“Poor Hillary Davies lost her daughter a couple of years ago.”

“She did, huh? That’s terrible,” I muttered, trying to go back to sleep.

“I was surfing the web, typing in the names of all the suspects in the Donna Bruce murder case and that’s what came up.”

“Terrible tragedy,” I murmured.

“Oh, and they’re doing a remake ofStar Cars, only without Zelda Yoke this time.”

“Too bad.”

“And Dexter Vald?s is writing his autobiography. It’s calledLife with a Tiny Wiener.”

“Very tempting.”

“And Ransom Montll? is setting up a new version ofA Star is Born, only this time it’s an indie production, made with local talent and featuring Ransom himself and his dog Flea in the lead.”

“That’s just great. Now if you could just let me—”

“Hey, you guys!” Odelia cried, walking in. “I’m home.”

I groaned in agony. Why was it suddenly so hard to get some sleep around here?

“Hey, Odelia,” Dooley said with a smile. “I’ve just discovered a whole new bunch of clues.”

Odelia was immediately interested, which just told me how desperate she was. Obviously her investigation was going nowhere, same way ours was. Odelia listened patiently as Dooley rattled off his list of‘clues’ while I tried to drown out the droning sound of his voice. Then, suddenly, he must have said something interesting, for Odelia uttered a startled cry and jumped up from the couch like a rocketing pheasant, grabbed her purse and was out the door in a flash. She briefly returned to shout,“You guys just solved this case!” and then she was gone again.

I stared at Dooley, who seemed ecstatic.

“We just solved the case, Max! We solved the case!”

“We did?”

“Didn’t you hear Odelia? We found Donna’s murderer!”

“So who is it?”

Dooley’s exuberance waned. “Um… I don’t know.”

I shrugged, and went right back to sleep. Humans. They’re all nuts.

Chapter 30

Odelia pressed her lips together in a grim expression. She had a pretty good idea what had happened and who was responsible for the murder of Donna Bruce, and as usual her cats had provided her with the telling clue. And as she drove over to Donna’s house, the old pickup hurtling along the road and kicking up spray, she pushed the engine to the max. It whined and rattled in protest but she didn’t care. She had to reach the house before it was too late and the bird had flown.

A snippet of conversation had drifted back into her memory. Donna’s house was going to be put up for sale, her uncle had told her. Tad had no use for it as he was moving back west with the boys after the funeral. The house was going to be emptied out, the most valuable stuff shipped to LA and the rest sold locally or simply thrown away. When she and Chase had found Zelda Yoke asleep in Donna’s bed she’d already noticed a lot of stuff was missing, which meant cleanup was well underway. And she knew exactly who was in charge.