Purrfect Murder (The Mysteries of Max Book 1)

Chapter 2

Oh, crap. That’s the problem with cats. They tread so softly you never hear them coming until they’re already upon you.

“Hey, Harriet,” I said when the white Persian strode into the kitchen. As usual, she was looking haughty, her nose in the air. I swear she thinks she’s the Queen of Sheba or something. Or the Queen of Hampton Cove, at least.

“We were just saying how well-informed you always are,” said Odelia.

Nice save. “Yeah, how you always seem to know everything about everybody,” I added sweetly.

She smiled at this. You might be surprised that cats can smile, but they can. Again, it’s the hair. It obscures many of our facial tics. “It’s true,” she said complacently. “I do know everything about everybody all of the time.”

“Max was just telling me about this new cop in town,” said Odelia.

“Chase Kingsley,” she said, nodding. “He’s a dreamboat.”

“Oh, God,” I groaned. “Here we go again.”

“No, he is,” she insisted. “He’s just about the most handsome man I’ve ever laid eyes on, and I’ve laid eyes on my fair share of men over the years.”

Listening to Harriet, you would almost think she’s a human herself, which is a phenomenon quite common amongst cats. They spend so much time with humans they get confused. It’s called cross-species confusion. It’s a thing. It really is. At least I think it is. “If he’s as handsome as Brutus, I can tell you you’re blind, Harriet,” I said now. “That guy isn’t handsome. He’s scary.”

“There’s nothing scary about Brutus,” she said huffily. “He’s one fine cat.”

“He’s a bully, that’s what he is, and I don’t like him one bit. Barging in here as if he owns the place.” Then suddenly it dawned on me what Harriet had said. I narrowed my eyes at her. “How would you know what Chase Kingsley looks like? Did you see him?”

“I sure did.” Her face took on a beatific quality. “He looks lovely when he sleeps. Like an incredibly buff angel.”

Odelia barked an incredulous laugh. “You watched him sleep?”

“Of course. I walked Brutus home last night and he invited me in. Who was I to say no? Especially when it gave me the chance to get a glimpse of the new cop in town. And I have to say Chase Kingsley is everything Brutus said he was and more.” She emitted a giggle. “He sleeps in his boxers. No PJs.”

If I could have, I would have covered my ears with my paws. “Please, Harriet. Don’t make me puke.”

“He sleeps in his boxers?” asked Odelia.

Harriet gave her tail a studious lick. “Boxers… and nothing more. Très cute.”

I held up my paw. “Enough already. Brutus is a bully and I’m pretty sure so is his master. Or have you forgotten that pets and their owners often share distinctive traits?”

“Oh, please. Odelia’s blond and you’re orange.”

“Blorange. I’m blorange, which is almost the same thing as blond.”

“I’m sure that’s not even a real color.”

“It is a color,” I assured her. “It’s strawberry blond, with gold rose hues.”

“You’re such a freak,” Harriet sighed, shaking her snowy white fur.

“Hey, don’t use the word freak in my house,” warned Odelia. “That’s not nice. Now tell me more about this new cop. Where does he live?”

“He’s staying at Chief Alec’s for the moment. Until he can find his own place.”

Odelia’s eyes were positively glittering with interest. So I gave her a warning scowl. “Don’t listen to Harriet. The guy is a bully. Waltzing into town as if he owns the place. Leaving his repulsive pee all over the place.”

Odelia frowned. “Leaving his pee? You mean Chase Kingsley is a public urinator? That’s not right for a cop. Or anyone else for that matter.”

“Not Kingsley, Brutus. Though I wouldn’t put it past Kingsley either.”

“How would you know? You haven’t even met the guy,” Harriet challenged.

“I just know these things. I’m a great judge of character.”

“You’re simply jealous because both Brutus and Chase are alpha males and you’re not.”

“They’re bullies,” I pointed out. “There’s a distinction.”

She turned to Odelia. “You should snap him up now, Odelia, if you want to have a shot at him. He’s bound to become very popular very soon.”

This appeared to be one bridge too far for Odelia, though. “I have no intention whatsoever to snap anyone up,” she said, her smile vanishing. “The only reason I’m asking is because I’ll need to write a piece about the guy.”

“I’m sure Chief Alec will drop by the newspaper today to introduce him,” Harriet said, then lowered her gaze. “So you better make sure you’re dressed to the nines, honey. Remember what they say about first impressions.”

“Odelia doesn’t have to dress up to make a great first impression,” I said. “And what’s more, I don’t see why she has to make a great first impression in the first place. It’s not as if she’s even remotely interested in the man, is she?” I gave Odelia a pointed look, but she chose to ignore me. Never a good sign.

“I can always make an extra effort,” she said instead, dragging her fingers through her long blond mane and shaking it out until it fanned out across her shoulders. Uh-oh.

“Why would you want to dress up for that idiot?” I asked, alarmed.

She laughed. “You’re overreacting, Max. I just want to make sure I look presentable for our first meeting. I’ll probably spend a considerable amount of time with the man, working closely together as I have with Uncle Alec.”

That was true enough. As a reporter, she often sat together with the chief to thresh out the details of some case he was working on.

She now rose from the chair and drained the final dregs from her cup, then transferred it to the sink and gave it a good rinse. “Think I’ll go and get ready, you guys.” She winked at Harriet. “Don’t want to be late for work.”

Harriet purred approvingly. The moment Odelia had disappeared upstairs, Harriet gave me a supercilious look. “See? She likes him already. That’s women’s intuition for you.”

“Oh, boy,” I muttered. I had a bad feeling about this. Odelia hooking up with this cop? No way. Imagine they hit it off. Next thing they’d be moving in together, which meant I’d have to share my space with Brutus. Not only my space, but my food, too. And my extra special place at the foot of the bed!

“Trouble in paradise?” asked Harriet sweetly. Too sweetly for my taste.

“I can’t move in with that Nazi furball, Harriet,” I said, shaking my head nervously. “I can’t live with the monster bully spawn from hell!”

“I told you, he’s not a bully, Max. Brutus is simply a stickler for discipline. Just like his human, I would imagine. They’re both cops, Max, not bullies.”

But I wasn’t fooled. Last night Brutus had sprayed all over my favorite tree, just to taunt me. When I complained, he pointed out that Hampton Cove Park and its trees were part of the public domain, and as such off limits to cats that weren’t law enforcement like him. If I wanted to mark a tree as my own, I would have to do it in my own backyard, not the park. It was an awfully narrow interpretation of the Hampton Cove penal code, I felt, if cat spraying was even in the code, as Brutus seemed to suggest.

“He practically chased us out of the park last night!” I cried.

“He did nothing of the kind. He simply pointed out that we’re not supposed to view the park as part of our personal territory.”

“He said I should stick to my backyard if I want to mark my territory!”

“Well, isn’t your backyard big enough for you? And if you’re so desperate for space you can pee in my yard, too, Max. All right? Mi jardin es su jardin.”

“I don’t even know what that means,” I grumbled. Or actually I did. It meant that from now on, this town wasn’t ours anymore. Brutus had taken over.

“Hey, you guys,” a voice spoke from the living room. “Where are you?”

I rolled my eyes again, and Harriet had to suppress a giggle.

“Over here, Dooley!” I called out, then heaved an exasperated groan.

The Ragamuffin came waddling up. “Oh, hey,” he said, his usual stupid grin plastered all over his stupid face.

Dooley is Odelia’s grandmother’s cat, and he’s not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed. In fact he’s probably the dumbest cat for miles around, which hasn’t stopped him from securing himself a place in the Poole clan’s hearts and minds. He’s a big, beige, fluffy hairball, and seems to have gotten it into his head that I’m his best friend and wingman. Probably because he lives next door, and is in here all the time. In that sense Harriet, Dooley and I are one big, happy family. Or at least that’s how Dooley sees it.

“What were you talking about?” he asked now.

“The new cat in town,” I said before I could stop myself.

Dooley’s eyes widened. “There’s a new cat in town?”

“Brutus,” Harriet said. “Remember from last night? We met at the park?”

“He told you not to rub yourself against your favorite tree,” I added.

“Oh, that Brutus,” he said, his face clearing. “What about him?”

“Harriet seems to think he’s something special,” I said. “While I think he’s the second coming of Satan, Lucifer and the Prince of Darkness combined.”

Dooley shivered. “I thought he was way intense.”

I gestured at Dooley. “Thank you, Dooley. Brutus is intense.”

Harriet didn’t agree, of course. “Perhaps it’s because he has taken on so much responsibility. That kind of pressure can weigh on a cat.”

“What responsibility!” I cried. “He’s just a stupid cat!”

“He does have great fur, though,” said Dooley.

I turned to him. “What?!”

“That’s raw meat for you,” said Harriet, a little enviously.

“He gets raw meat?” asked Dooley, surprised.

“Only raw meat,” I agreed grudgingly.

“No wonder he’s so incredibly buff and fit!” said Dooley.

“He is buff and fit, isn’t he?” gushed Harriet. “He’s simply dreamy.”

“He’s a musclebound moron,” I grumbled. “That’s what he is.”

“Who is a musclebound moron?” asked Odelia, stepping into the kitchen. She’d showered and dressed and looked cute as a button in a flowery summer dress that revealed quite a bit of cleavage and a lot of leg. My jaw dropped. If this was the way she was going to meet Chase Kingsley I might as well welcome Brutus into our home now. The guy would fall for her like a ton of bricks. I just knew he would. No one could resist my human when she was all fresh-faced and cute as a button like this.

“Brutus,” I said, in a last-ditch effort to stop this terrible ordeal from taking place. “Like his master, he’s a musclebound idiot addicted to meat.”

“You can’t be addicted to meat,” Dooley laughed. “It’s an essential component of a well-balanced diet. And what’s essential can’t be addictive.”

“Yeah, yeah,” I grunted. “Thank you, Dr. Phil.”

Dooley blinked confusedly. “Who’s Dr. Phil?”

“You guys better behave,” said Odelia as she snatched her clutch from the counter and strode to the sliding door that led into the backyard. She closed it. “Oh, and could you find out whatever you can about Chase Kingsley?”

Now it was my turn to blink confusedly. “Anything?”

“Sure. The more I know about him, the better… for my article,” she concluded lamely.

I saw an opportunity here. An opportunity to dig up some dirt on this new supercop, so I nodded. “Sure. I’ll do my best.”

“Great. See you later, guys.”

“See you, hon,” said Harriet.

“See you, Odelia,” said Dooley.

I didn’t say anything. I was thinking hard how to stop my human from hooking up with Brutus’s human and making my worst nightmare come true.

We watched Odelia walk out the front door, then return five seconds later to grab her sunglasses from the hallway credenza, then return again to grab her smartphone, give us a goofy grin, a cheery wave, and pull the door shut.

“Oh, don’t look so glum,” said Harriet.

“You would look glum if you were about to be kicked out of your home.”

“Brutus won’t kick you out of your home.”

“He will, too. First he kicked me out of the park, now he’ll kick me out of my house. The cat’s a genuine natural born bully.”

“He’s not. He’s simply… a natural born leader.”

“And what does that make me? A natural born loser?”

Harriet merely grinned.

“Oh, I can see what’s going on here,” I said. “Odelia is hooking up with hot new cop, and you’re hooking up with hot new cat. Is that it?”

She shrugged and sashayed in the direction of the pet door. “Time for my beauty nap, boys. See you later.” And with a swish of her tail, she gracefully disappeared through the door and was gone, leaving me alone with Dooley.

“So who’s this Dr. Phil?” Dooley asked after a pregnant pause.

“Oh… just go away, Dooley.”