Purrfectly Hidden. Purrfect Kill. Purrfect Boy Toy

“But why? If they can clone pets, why not humans?”

“I’m not sure,” I said, “but I just know that no human has ever been cloned. At least not to my knowledge.”

“I’m sure plenty of humans have been cloned,” said Brutus. “The Nazis, for one, were already experimenting with cloning techniques in the forties, and so were the Soviets. So I’m pretty sure cloned humans walk among us, only we don’t know it.”

“I think cloning humans should be allowed,” said Dooley suddenly. “Think about the great minds that could be preserved for posterity. Einstein, Marie Curie, Bell…”

“It’s not the Einsteins of this world that will be cloned, though,” I said. “Most probably they’ll clone football stars and celebrities instead.”

“But the world needs geniuses,” said Dooley. “We’ve already got plenty of football stars.”

“There’s one human who’s a clone for sure,” said Prunella. “And that’s Tom Hanks. No celebrity can be that nice.”

“Oh, I think Tom Hanks really is that nice,” I said.

Just then, a doctor came hurrying over, and all the humans got up from their plastic chairs.

“Family of Opal Harvey?” he asked.

“I’m her partner,” said Harlan gravely.

“Your wife is in stable condition, Mr. Harvey. She will live.”

“Oh, thank the Lord,” said Harlan, raising his eyes heavenward.

“Was it the Botox, doctor?” asked Marilyn.

“Yes, it was. A severe allergic reaction. Her heart stopped for a moment, but we managed to bring her back.”

“When can we see her?” asked Harlan.

“Not just yet. She’s not fully awake. But I’ll let you know as soon as she’s in her room.”

The doctor excused himself, and Harlan suddenly started crying.

“Why is he crying?” asked Dooley. “Isn’t it good news that Opal will live?”

“Sometimes humans cry when they hear good news, too,” I said.

“Weird,” was Dooley’s determination.

“They’re happy tears,” Harriet confirmed. “Look at his face. He’s smiling.”

“No, he’s not,” said Brutus. “The corners of his mouth are pointing down.”

“He’s happy, I’m telling you. Those are happy tears.”

“Then why does he look sad?”

“Oh, Brutus.”

And as my fellow cats argued back and forth about the tough task of interpreting human emotion, I tripped over to where Odelia had taken a seat again.

“Tough day, huh, Max?” she said.

“Yeah, tell me about it,” I said. “I just found out I wasn’t cloned, and I was so looking forward to meeting my original self, too.”

She glanced over, and I gave her an exaggerated smile.“Irony. Very funny, Max.”

“So what happened, exactly?”

“Well, apparently there was a mix-up at the salon and Opal, in spite of her strict instructions not to get Botox, got her second dose in a week, which almost proved lethal.”

“But how could such a mix-up happen?”

Odelia looked over to Harlan, who was now being comforted by Marilyn, and lowered her voice.“Someone phoned the salon, and said Opal wanted to have the full Botox treatment today. They were pretty adamant, too.”

“They phoned the salon? But who?”

“All I know is that it was a woman’s voice.”

“A woman’s voice. That must be our culprit.”

“Opal really should get the police involved this time. They can track phones and find out where that call was coming from.”

“If her assailant is clever they’ll have used a burner phone,” I pointed out.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. Still, the police have the kind of resources we don’t.”

“You’ll figure it out,” I said, having complete faith in my human. Well, except when I practically accused her of having me cloned and neglecting to tell me about it, of course.

“I’m not so sure, Max,” she said, sounding and looking a little downhearted. “Opal almost got killed on my watch twice now. I think the moment she regains consciousness and hears about what happened, she’s going to put us on the first flight home.”

“No, she won’t. She knows you’re her best shot at catching whoever is behind this, and she’s not going to lose faith in you just because—”

“I almost let her die twice?”

“We’ll catch the person responsible,” I said. “I just know we will.”

She nodded, but I could tell she’d lost faith in herself. And I shouldn’t wonder. She was right. Opal had almost died on her watch. People lost faith in themselves over less than that, especially when they’d been tasked not only with keeping their client alive but with catching the person trying to send them to an early grave—or the cloner’s freezer.

I returned to my friends, thinking about this strange case. It now appeared that a woman was behind this. How many women did we know who were involved with Opal and who had access to her home and the studio? Suzy, one of the members of her team, came to mind, and Helga, of course, though she seemed like a long shot. There were others, at least two dozen, who all worked side by side with Opal at the studio. Any one of them could be behind this. It was clear to me that Odelia had her work cut out for her.

“And?” said Prunella. “What’s the latest?”

“Your human will live. The doctors anticipate a full recovery.”

“Yay,” said Prunella. “Though wouldn’t it have been nice for her to be cloned, though? That way we could have been two clones together. Like clones in a pod.”

I didn’t know whether it was the cloning or if the original Prunella had a very peculiar sense of humor, too, but it did make me wonder about this whole cloning business. What if I went in a normal, regular Max and came out a fruitcake?

Food for thought.

Chapter 27

Opal made a remarkable and downright miraculous recovery, and in spite of the doctor’s insistence she stay in hospital overnight, she decided to discharge herself. A nurse had put her in a wheelchair and pushed her all the way to the exit before an indignant Opal got up before the collected paparazzi caught sight of her and then charged out of the hospital under her own steam, ignoring flashing lightbulbs and cameras until she’d reached her limo and had gotten in, slamming the door as she did.

The rest of the small company didn’t garner the same attention Opal did, except for Marilyn. But she, too, ignored the barrage of questions hurled in her direction, and they all got into the second limo, which had pulled up right as Opal’s limo had pulled out.

Soon they were on their way to a destination unknown, and the atmosphere in the limo was fraught with a mixture of elation and anxiousness. Elation that Opal had recovered so well, but also anxiousness that this could happen again, and that whoever was responsible was out there somewhere, plotting their next move.

“Opal needs to cancel her show,” said Marilyn. “She needs to stay home until this person is caught.”

“Yeah, and who is going to make her?” asked Harlan. “You? Me? Opal doesn’t listen to anyone. You know that, Marilyn.”

“We’ll have to make her see reason, Harlan. She needs to be protected.”

“She’s not going to cancel her show, not now, not ever. She wouldn’t cancel her show if someone dropped a bomb on her office. She’s stubborn that way.”

“It’s amazing how quickly she recovered,” said Marge. “A medical miracle.”

“Not really,” said Tex. “She suffered an extreme allergic reaction. People can come back from an episode like that very quickly.”

“Thank God there was a doctor present,” said Marge. “Who knows what would have happened otherwise.”

Harlan grimaced.“I prefer not to let my mind go there, Mrs. Poole.”

“Marge, please. And I completely understand.”

“I’m just glad you had the presence of mind to call an ambulance, Odelia, and that they got there as quickly as they did.”

“Does the salon have a recording of the person who called in?” asked Marilyn.

“No, unfortunately, they don’t,” said Odelia. “They just said the voice sounded young, though that doesn’t mean anything, of course.”

“A young woman,” Marilyn said slowly as thought wrinkles appeared on her brow. “Maybe you should talk to Opal’s staff again. Most of them are women.”

“We’re going into the studio tomorrow,” said Odelia. “We’ll talk to everyone.”

“I thought there was no show on Sundays?” said Marge.

“There’s no show on Sundays but the team starts preparing the Monday show on the Sunday,” Marilyn explained. “Though Opal doesn’t always join in. At this point it’s a well-oiled machine, and she usually meets with her team on Monday morning.”

“Where are we going, by the way?” asked Tex.

“The Villa Marguerite,” said Harlan. “It’s a great little restaurant in Sherman Oaks. We booked last week, and come hell or high water, Opal wasn’t going to let that booking go to waste.”

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We arrived at the Villa Marguerite and got out. It was one of those ultra-fancy restaurants, and I was already licking my lips in anticipation of the feast we would be served.

Unfortunately soon after we arrived we cats were all relegated to the kitchen, as no pets were allowed in the dining room, and soon after we were all kicked out of the kitchen by an irate chef, and found ourselves in a back alley, which left a lot to be desired.

“Um… I was actually looking forward to having a sumptuous meal,” said Prunella.

We stared at the row of dumpsters lining one wall, and a heap of rubble and garbage piled up against the other. It didn’t look all that appetizing.

“Clarice would love this,” said Brutus with profound affection.

“Who’s Clarice?” asked Prunella.

“A friend of ours back home,” I said. “She likes to eat in the rough.”

“Oh, a feral cat?”

“Exactly, though she has mellowed out a little and has taken a liking to Odelia.”

We took a seat on the wet cement floor behind the restaurant and even as I put my nose in the air and smelled all those delicious smells wafting from the vent attached to the kitchen, my stomach was grumbling louder and louder.

“Man, I’m hungry,” said Brutus.

“Me, too,” said Harriet sadly. Not only did she only have three paws whose nails had been buffed and polished, but now she had to place her perfectly white Persian tush on this dirty cement slab. A sad ending to a sad day.

Just then, two dogs came wandering up.

“Oh, God. Not dogs, too,” Harriet lamented.

“Oh, hey, you guys,” said the first dog, a male Schnauzer. “Any luck?”

“If you’re referring to the food on offer, no luck, I’m afraid,” I said.

“Hi, there,” said the second dog, a lady Cocker Spaniel.

They both looked nice enough. I pegged them as a young couple.

“Tony is usually pretty punctual,” said the lady.

“I guess we’re early,” said her mate, who looked like a tramp.

And as if he’d overheard the conversation, suddenly the backdoor to the restaurant swung open and a man came hurrying out. “Oh, have I got the feast for you tonight!” he said with a wide smile. He then plunked down a small table and placed a large dish of something that looked and smelled edible on top of it.

“Spaghetti and meatballs!” he cried, gesturing to the sizable pot. “Tuck in, my friends!”

We all got a little closer and he laughed.“Oh, I see you brought some friends tonight. Well, dig in. There’s enough for everyone!”

“Gee, thanks, Tony,” said the tramp, and took a seat at the table. Across from him, the lady dog also took a seat, and soon they were both putting their snouts into the big pot of pasta.

I looked at Dooley, Dooley looked at me. Harriet and Brutus shared a look. Prunella, though, didn’t need encouragement. She was already digging in. “Come on, you guys,” she said. “This stuff is delicious!”

I moved closer and took a bite. She was right. The stuff really was delicious.

Behind us, Tony stood watching. He clapped his hands and smiled.“You like?”

“Yeah, we like, Tony,” said the lady dog.

“You did it again, Tony,” said the tramp.

“I’m so happy!” Tony cried, and returned inside the kitchen.

“My name is Tramp, by the way,” said the big dog, “and this here is Lady.”

“Max,” I said between two bites, and the others all introduced themselves as well.

It took me a while to make the connection, then I frowned and looked up at our two canine companions.

“Lady and the Tramp. You mean, like in the Disney movie?”

“Yeah, we’re actors,” said Tramp.

“That’s us in the movie,” Lady explained. “Well, our voices, anyway.”

“But… that movie is… old.”

Lady looked up and smiled sweetly at her mate.“The miracle of cloning, Max.”

“Yeah, cloning is all the rage. We made our debut in 1955 and we’ve been going strong ever since. Isn’t that right, sweetie-pie?”

“Absolutely, honey bunch.”

“You hear that, Brutus? They sound exactly like us,” said Harriet.

“They sure do, sugar plum,” said Brutus, but he was too busy eating to say more.

“We didLady and the Tramp II,” said Lady.

“Straight to video,” said Tramp.

“And then of course the live-action movie,” said Lady. “We’re very proud of that one.”

“We’re doing the sequel now,” said Tramp.

“We make a pretty good living.”

“Yeah, can’t complain,” said Tramp, and sucked in a string of pasta. As luck would have it, Lady was sucking in the same pasta string, only from the other side. When they met in the middle, they kissed—just like in the movie!

And as I picked out a meatball myself, I thought what a strange place this Hollywood was, and suddenly I was starting to feel homesick. This was a lot of fun, meeting stars like Lady and Tramp, but I was missing my friends. Kingman and Shanille and Clarice… They might not have been cloned or Botoxed or primped and tucked and pampered, but they were real. And they were my buddies.

Hampton Cove was suddenly starting to look really good.

Chapter 28

Inside the restaurant, the atmosphere was downcast, which was hardly a surprise, as one of the members of the party had been discharged from hospital only hours before, and didn’t exactly look hot to trot.

“You should go home,” said Marilyn. “You look like death warmed up.”

“Thanks for the compliment,” said Opal.

“No, Marilyn is right,” said her boyfriend. “You don’t look so well, darling. Maybe we should call it a night. Get a good night’s sleep.”

“I’m not going to give whoever did this the satisfaction,” said Opal stubbornly. “I was looking forward to tonight and I’m going to enjoy my meal and so are all of you. So shut up and eat.”

Odelia thought Harlan and Marilyn were right. Opal’s face was still swollen, especially her lips, which resembled those of a blowfish. It was hard to imagine how she managed to get down any of the food she was eating, considering the Botox allergy had closed up her throat and she clearly still had trouble swallowing.

“She looks terrible,” Odelia’s mother whispered. “Are you sure she’s fine?”

“If she says she’s fine, I guess she’s fine,” Odelia whispered back.

They were all sitting at a long table: Odelia and her family, Chase and Uncle Alec included, and Opal’s party, which consisted of herself, Marilyn and Harlan. All in all, it was all very cozy, especially since they’d been given a table at the back by the ma?tre d’, where they wouldn’t be bothered by other guests, and could enjoy their meal in private.

“She shouldn’t have discharged herself,” said Gran. “Mark my words—she’ll be sorry.”

“What do you think, Tex? You’re the medical man,” said Uncle Alec.

“I think nothing,” said Dad as he devoted himself to his sirloin steak. “I’m here as a tourist, not a doctor.”

“But shouldn’t you say something? You did sign that oath of Pythagoras, didn’t you?” Gran insisted.

“Hippocrates, and it’s not my habit to go around dispensing medical advice just because I feel like it. Ultimately Opal is the custodian of her own health.”

“Nice words, to hide the fact that you’re too chicken to tell Opal what’s what.”

“I’m not too chicken to tell anyone anything, but Opal is a grown woman and she clearly knows what she’s doing.”

“A lot of baloney,” Gran muttered, shaking her head.

“So how is the police conference going?” asked Odelia, eager to change the subject.

“Total bust,” said Uncle Alec.

“Yeah, not at all what we expected,” Chase chimed in.

“Some nonsense about using military tactics to police the community,” said Alec. “Not on my watch. That’s what I told that instructor and that’s what I intend to tell the mayor.”

“You didn’t tell that instructor anything, and I’m pretty sure you’re not going to tell the mayor anything either,” said Chase.

“Well, it’s the thought that counts,” said Uncle Alec vaguely. He’d ordered ribs and was enjoying them tremendously, judging from the sauce dripping from his chin.

“What did I tell you about eating lean meat only?” said Chase.

“This is lean meat only,” said Uncle Alec.

“No, it’s not. This is just about the greasiest stuff imaginable. Do you know what this is going to do to your arteries?”

“I don’t know and I don’t care. I’m enjoying my meal and if you could please focus on your own plate and not mine I’d be very much obliged, you fitness guru wannabe you.”

“Your wellbeing is my concern, Alec,” said Chase, who was starting to sound more and more like the chief’s mother.

“Well, it shouldn’t be.”

Chase gave Odelia a comical grimace.“See what I’m dealing with here?”

“See whatI’m dealing with?” said Alec.

Odelia patted her uncle on the arm.“Chase is right, Uncle Alec. And he’s only saying this because he cares. If you keep eating like this you’ll get yourself in trouble.”

“No, I won’t. Tell them, Tex. Tell them I’m as healthy as an ox.”

“You know I can’t divulge confidential information about my patients, Alec,” said Dad, slicing into his steak with the precision of a brain surgeon.

“But I’m telling you to tell them. I’m absolving you of your doctor-patient privilege.”

“Still, I feel reluctant to share that kind of information with a third party.”

“She’s my niece, for God’s sakes!”

“Fine. Alec, you are a heart attack waiting to happen. It wouldn’t surprise me if one of these days you’re going to need triple bypass surgery—possibly quadruple. There. That enough information for you?”

Alec stared at his brother-in-law in horror.“You never told me that.”

“I told you exactly that,” said Dad. “Trouble is you never listen.”

“Quadruple bypass surgery?”

“Look on the bright side. Could have been quintuple,” said Dad with faux cheer.

Alec had placed the uneaten rib back on his plate and slowly lifted his napkin to his lips.“Thanks, Doc,” he said with a wounded expression on his face. “Thanks for ruining a perfectly good dinner.”

“You’re welcome,” said Dad with the kind of smile he reserved for patients on the brink of death, to calm them down while the ambulance was on its way.

“Looks like I’m not the only one facing health issues,” said Opal.

“I’m not facing any health issues,” said Alec. “I’m pretty sure my brother-in-law is just kidding. Isn’t that right, Tex? You’re just kidding, right?”

“I’m a doctor,” said Dad. “I never kid about bypass surgery.”

“It’s all those burgers,” said Marge. “I told my husband we should stop organizing backyard barbecues. All that fat and all of that meat is clogging up my poor brother’s arteries, and soon he’ll be dead and where will that leave us?”

“With Chase as the new chief of police, probably,” said Dad, stoically slicing and dicing his steak. Odelia had to admire her father’s capacity to focus. Probably something that came with the job.

“See?” said Chase. “What did I tell you, buddy? If you don’t adopt a healthier lifestyle Hampton Cove will lose a great chief, and then the mayor will make me chief and the system will break down. I’m not cut out to be chief. I’m a detective, not an administrator. So please take better care of yourself and save me from being the new chief.”

The Chief was frowning at his deputy.“Nice speech. But who says the mayor will make you the new chief? I’ll bet he’ll appoint his niece instead. And then you’ll be taking orders from her.”

“All the more reason for you to lose the flab and stay chief forever,” said Chase, patting Uncle Alec’s protruding belly.

Alec grunted something under his breath and shoved his plate away.

“Aren’t you going to eat those?” asked Harlan.

“I guess not,” said Uncle Alec, his face a mask of pretty petulance.

“Can I have a stab?” asked Harlan.

“Oh, Harlan,” said his partner of thirty years.

“Go ahead,” said Alec, and handed Harlan his plate.

“Thanks,” said Harlan. “I love spare ribs.”

“Me, too,” said the Chief mournfully. He’d brought a hand to his chest, and was presumably thinking about Dad’s words. A quadruple bypass was not a pleasant prospect, and it appeared that Odelia’s dad’s words had touched a chord.

“I’ve told you before and I’ll tell you again,” said Marge. “You should listen to Tex. Tex knows.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” said Uncle Alec.

“Is it true that you’re a doctor, Mr. Poole?” asked Marilyn now.

“Tex, please,” said Dad with an engaging smile. He might be able to conjure up absolute focus when dealing with his sirloin steak, but even he was susceptible to the charms of a famous talk show host like Marilyn Coyn.

“I have a mole on my thigh,” said Marilyn. “My doctor tells me it’s nothing to worry about, but I would love to get a second opinion. Can you take a look?”

And before awaiting Dad’s response, she was already hiking up her dress and shoving her thighs in the good doctor’s face.

Dad, redirecting his attention from his steak to Marilyn’s thighs, didn’t even flinch. As a doctor he was used to random strangers walking up to him on the street and showing them their spots. He studied Marilyn’s mole, which was, Odelia saw, a nice purple one.

“Nothing to worry about,” said Dad, showcasing his suavest bedside manner. “Absolutely harmless, Mrs. Coyn.”

“You really think so, doctor?” asked Marilyn, a note of concern in her voice. “When I scratch it my left ear tickles.”

“Perfectly harmless little mole.”

“I’m worried it might be cancer.”

“Well, I can assure you that it’s not.”

“Do you think I should have it removed?”

“That’s entirely up to you, my dear Mrs. Coyn,” he said smoothly. “If the mole bothers you so much, by all means have it removed. If not, it can’t hurt to leave it untouched.”

“Thank you so much, doctor,” she said, almost purring now.

Odelia caught her mother’s eye, and saw she wasn’t impressed with Marilyn’s attempts to snag her husband’s attention. Then again, as the wife of the only doctor in town, Marge had had to endure quite a lot over the years. Women practically throwing themselves at her husband’s feet, grown men dropping their pantsin the middle of the street and bending over… It took more than a Hollywood star shoving her crotch in Dad’s face to phase her and she clearly wasn’t phased now.

“Speaking of moles,” said Harlan, clearing his throat. “I have a strange growth on my buttocks. Can I bother you to take a gander, Doctor Poole?”

And so instead of finishing his steak, Tex dutifully examined first the hairy wart on Harlan’s hairy buttocks, then a mole shaped like a cauliflower on Opal’s chest, and finally yet another odd-looking mole on one of the waitstaff’s feet. When finally the restaurant’s owner dropped by and dropped his pants, Odelia decided to excuse herself and go in search of her cats. All these moles and warts had seriously caused her to lose her appetite, and when she emerged through the kitchen and out the backdoor, she was surprised to find her cats fraternizing with two dogs, all of them seated around a big bowl of what must have been spaghetti, as only a few remnants of the stuff were left in the pot. They were all chatting amicably, and clearly having a great time.

“Oh, hey, Odelia,” said Harriet. “Meet the real Lady and the Tramp. They’re actors.”

Odelia greeted the two dogs, and even though she couldn’t understand what they were saying—she could understand feline but not canine—it was obvious they were in great spirits.

“Pull up a chair,” said Brutus. “Tony’s food is seriously out of this world.”

So she pulled up a chair, and when Tony emerged from the kitchen, carrying a big vanilla cake, he didn’t even look surprised to find that he was now serving his best dishes to a mixed feline, canine and human company.

And as she sampled the most delicious vanilla cake she’d ever tasted, she thought not for the first time that sometimes she felt more comfortable in the company of her pets than in that of other humans. Then again, was that so strange? She was, after all, a cat lady, through and through, as Chase had so often told her.

Moments later, Chase came ambling out to get some fresh air, and at Odelia’s instigation took a seat, too. And when finally Uncle Alec, Marge and Gran followed suit, the Poole family was complete. Only Tex was missing, but then he was probably busy studying more moles that had mysteriously appeared on a Hollywoodian thigh or butt.

“It’s nice out here,” said Marge.

“It is,” Gran agreed. “Very nice.”

“Have you found Hank yet?” asked Odelia.

“No, not yet. I hope nothing happened to him.”

“I’m sure he’ll be fine,” said Marge.

Gran didn’t seem convinced.

“So what happens now?” asked Max.

“Well, now we talk to the members of Opal’s staff,” said Odelia. “Only Opal gave us strict instructions not to divulge anything about what happened today, so we’re a little handicapped.”

“But we came up with a plan,” said Gran. “A very clever plan, if I say so myself.”

“Well? What’s the plan?” asked Harriet.

“We’ll let all of the ladies record a message and then we’ll play that message to the girl from the spa who picked up the phone. She’s assured us she would recognize that voice out of a thousand.” She beamed at her present company.

Lady said something that Odelia didn’t understand, so Max translated. “Lady says it sounds like a great plan, and she hopes you’ll catch whoever is responsible. She’s a big fan of Opal and wouldn’t want anything to happen to her.”

“Thanks, Lady,” said Odelia.

It was the best plan they’d been able to come up with. Odelia had actually suggested to bring Uncle Alec and Chase in. They were both experienced cops and would be able to help them conduct the interviews. But Opal had put her foot down once more: no cops, and no one was to find out what was going on.

Tough to catch a killer with not one but two hands tied behind your back, though.

Chapter 29

The next day saw a long procession of Opal’s staff members file in and out of the meeting room. Opal had told them she was working on some ideas for a new segment, and she wanted their voices on tape so she could pick one to do the voice-over for the new bit. None of them seemed suspicious about the ruse. On the contrary, they were all excited to read the two lines: ‘Hi, this is Opal Harvey’s personal assistant. Just touching base to let you know that Mrs. Harvey will be having the full Botox treatment this morning. Yes, that’s right. The full Botox treatment. Lips, brow, chest and cheeks.’

I didn’t think they’d fall for the ruse but they had—happily! Of course, the substantial bonus Opal had promised probably had something to do with their enthusiasm.

“Did I get the part?” asked Suzy excitedly, her pigtails bouncing and her glasses sliding from her nose. “You can tell me, I won’t tell the others.”

“How long have you worked for Opal, Suzy?” asked Gran.

“Um, going on five years now, I think. A long time, huh? I never thought I’d last this long. Opal has a reputation for hiring and firing quicker than her shadow, so…”

“But you stuck it out. And why do you think that is?” asked Odelia, following her grandmother’s cue.

“Oh, I don’t know. I guess I’m more eager than most to make this work. I don’t want to stay in this position forever, you know. I want to reach the top myself, if I can.”

“You mean… host your own show one day?”

The plump young woman nodded eagerly.“That’s the plan. Only there aren’t that many opportunities out there for potential show hosts. So you have to grab what you can and show the bosses that you’re willing to do whatever it takes to move up the ranks.”

“Make sure they notice you,” said Gran.

“Exactly! Which is why I joined Opal’s team.”

“More opportunities here than in other places.”

“Oh, definitely. Opal is a tough taskmaster, but she’s also the best of the best. If you can make it here, you can make it anywhere, as the song goes.”

“One more question,” said Gran. “Do you know something about brake lines?”

After Suzy had left, Odelia discussed the interviews with her grandmother.“I think it’s that Suzy,” said the old lady. “She’s clearly an ambitious little hustler, and prepared to do whatever it takes to reach the top. She probably figured if she could bump off Opal, the network bosses would hand her the show on a silver platter.”

“Let’s wait and see what the results of the recordings are,” said Odelia, “before jumping to conclusions.” She’d already sent the audio files to the beauty salon, and they were eagerly awaiting the verdict. It would probably take a little while, as the girl had to listen to all the recordings.

Finally, after a very tense twenty minutes, Odelia’s phone dinged. She picked up and put it on speaker.

“Hey there, Janice,” she said. “Did you get a chance to listen to the recordings?”

“I did, yeah,” said the young woman.

“And?” asked Gran. “Who was it?”

“Well, I listened twice, as I didn’t want to make a mistake, and I think it’s audio file number fourteen.”

“Audio file number fourteen,” said Odelia, checking her list. And as her finger slid down the page, it finally landed on… Suzy.

“See?!” said Gran triumphantly. “I told you it was her!”

“Are you quite sure, Janice?” asked Odelia.

“Yeah, pretty sure. Of course, I didn’t really pay attention yesterday, and a lot of these voices sound the same, but one thing really struck me.”

“What’s that?”

“The person on the phone sounded nice. I mean, not all voices sound nice, you know, but this one did. I remember thinking, this person is so nice and professional. And only recording fourteen had that quality. That upbeat quality, if you know what I mean.”

Gran shook her head, indicating she had no idea what the girl was talking about, but Odelia said,“I know exactly what you mean, Janice. Thank you so much. You’ve been a tremendous help.”

“Glad I could help. Will Opal be all right? We all feel terrible about what happened.”

“She’s fine.”

And she was. That morning, Opal’s lips and face had been back to their natural proportions, and the swelling in her throat had completely disappeared, too.

Odelia rang off and shared a grim look with her grandmother.“So now what?”

“Now we tell Opal and she’ll have to take care of the tricky part.”

“Call the police, you mean, and have Suzy arrested.”

“Exactly. Our work here is done, honey.” And she raised her hand for a high five, which Odelia half-heartedly slapped.

“What? You don’t look happy.”

“It’s just that… the evidence is a little thin, don’t you think? All we have to go on are the words of Janice, and she wasn’t even a hundred percent sure.”

“Good enough for me! You heard Suzy. She’s one ambitious young lady, and can’t wait to rise up in the world of showbiz. The only person standing in her way is Opal, so she decided to move things along by bumping her off. Easy peasy. Come on. Let’s get out of here. I’m sick and tired of this Opal business.”

“And here I thought you were her biggest fan.”

“Was her biggest fan.”

They walked out of the conference room and into Opal’s office. Contrary to her custom, Opal had come in to work on a Sunday, as eager as Odelia and Vesta to find out who the culprit was.

“And? How did it go?” asked Opal as she rose from behind her desk. On top of her desk Prunella was softly snoring. Odelia’s own cats were in the studio canteen, enjoying a meal. Odelia hadn’t wanted to bring them in today, not seeing the point of dragging them out there again while they could simply stay at the house and enjoy its surrounding gardens and Helga’s cooking, but the foursome had insisted they join her. They hadn’t sat in on the interviews, as that would have been a little hard to explain.

“We got her,” said Gran triumphantly.

“Who was it?” asked Opal anxiously.

“Suzy Parker,” said Odelia. “Janice formally recognized her voice.”

“Suzy!” said Opal, and dropped back down in her ergonomic chair. “Oh, sweet Jesus. She’s the best one I’ve got.”

“Well, she did it,” said Gran. “Do you want me to get her in here? You can interrogate her yourself. I’m sure she’ll confess immediately.”

“Yeah. Yeah, that might not be such a bad idea. Anything to keep this out of the press.” She shook her head as Gran hurried out. “I don’t believe this. Suzy. I trained her myself. I thought one day she’d take over from me. She’s got it, you know, whatever it is. Bright, charismatic, beautiful, and she genuinely likes the job.”

“You were grooming her to take over?”

“Yeah, well, not officially, but she’s best suited for the job.”

The door opened and Gran walked in with Suzy, who sported a smile from ear to ear.

Opal cleared her throat and sat up a little straighter.“Suzy. Take a seat, please.”

“Did I get the job?” asked the girl, who was, indeed, very vivacious, Odelia thought.

“Well… see the thing is…”

“You’ve been caught red-handed, my dear,” said Gran, who didn’t believe in beating about the bush.

“Red-handed?” asked Suzy, turning to Gran. “What do you mean?”

“Let me handle this, Vesta,” said Opal. “Look, Suzy. There’s no easy way to say this, but—”

“You thought you could get away with it, didn’t you?” said Gran. “Couldn’t wait for Opal to retire so you decided to speed things up a little. Bump her off. Well, you were careless, young lady.”

“Vesta,” said Opal. “I’ll handle this, all right? Suzy, I’d hate to call the police and have you arrested, so if you come clean now, maybe there’s a way we can deal with this without involving the law. But you have to tell me everything.”

“I don’t understand,” said Suzy, her eyes playing ping-pong between Odelia, Gran and Opal. “What’s all this about bumping you off?”

“First you cut her brake lines, then you poisoned her coffee, then you dumped a light fixture on her head, and yesterday you tried to have her killed by Botox overdose!” said Gran, pointing an accusatory finger in the young woman’s face. “Confess, you murderous vixen! Confess!”

“Vesta!”

“I don’t—brake lines? Poisoned coffee? I have no idea what you’re talking about!” said Suzy, her smile having vanished and been replaced with a look of utter confusion.

Either she was a very good actress, Odelia thought, or she really had no idea what was going on.

“You tried to kill me, Suzy,” said Opal. “Several times. Why?”

“Yes, why did you do it—confess!” Gran cried.

“I didn’t do it!” said Suzy. “I didn’t try to kill you. I never came near your car, I never poisoned any coffee, and I have no idea what you mean with death by Botox!”

“Oh, bullshit,” said Gran, and gestured to Odelia. “Play the recording, Odelia. Play it!”

And Odelia played it.

“That’s me,” said Suzy. “That’s my audition tape.”

“Your voice was formally recognized as belonging to the woman who phoned my beauty salon yesterday,” said Opal, “instructing them to administer a Botox dose that could have been fatal.”

“You phoned the salon!” said Gran. “You did that! Not smart, young lady! Not smart at all!”

“But I never called anyone! Whoever called the salon, it wasn’t me.”

“Suzy Parker,” said Opal in her best authoritative voice. “If you don’t confess now, there’s nothing more I can do for you. I’ll have to hand this matter to the police.”

“But I promise you, Opal,” said Suzy, on the verge of tears now. “It wasn’t me!”

“Oh, playing coy now, are we?” said Gran. “You weren’t so coy when you dumped that cyanide into Opal’s coffee, were you?”

“I never came near Opal’s coffee!”

“That’s probably true,” said Opal with a frown. “I was poisoned at the house, and Suzy has only been at the house once, to deliver some documents.”

“She could have snuck in,” said Gran. “Not hard to do. Not hard at all.”

“Unlikely,” said Opal, shaking her head. “I have pretty good security. If she’d tried to sneak in, she would have been caught.”

“See!” said Suzy. “I didn’t do it, Opal. I swear to God!”

“Okay, fine,” said Opal. “I believe you. But then who did?”

“I don’t know. Honestly, I don’t.”

“You’re not going to let her off the hook that easily, are you?” asked Gran, sounding disappointed. “She did it!”

Opal seemed to be of two minds about Suzy, and to be fair, Odelia couldn’t blame her. It was hard to see in Suzy a hardened killer. Frankly she didn’t think she did it, either.

“Haven’t you noticed anything out of the ordinary lately?” asked Opal. “Someone saying something weird, acting suspicious?”

Suzy was shaking her head.“Nothing. We all love you here, Opal. We adore you. We wouldn’t do anything to harm you. None of us.”

“Well, someone did,” said Opal, “and if it wasn’t you, it was one of your colleagues.”

“I vouch for them,” said Suzy, lifting her chin. “I vouch for each and every one of them.”

“Oh, hell,” said Opal, leaning back. “This is a nightmare.”

Just then, her phone sang out a tune, and she picked it up. She listened for a moment, then her eyes widened and she put the phone on speaker.“Can you say that again?” she asked in a shaky voice.

“I said, I have your friend Marilyn,” a metallic voice spoke. “And if you want to see her alive again, you will come to Bluff Point at midnight, with a million dollars in cash. Alone. No cops.”

“But… I don’t have that kind of money!”

The metallic voice broke into a menacing laugh.“Yeah, right. Billionaire Opal Harvey doesn’t have a million dollars. That’s chump change for you, lady. I suggest you do as you’re told, or else I’ll mail you back your friend in pieces, starting with her fingers!”

“No, wait!” Opal cried, but the line had already gone dead.

Chapter 30

We were all back at the house. Once again Opal had ignored Odelia’s urgent advice to call in the police, but at least this time she’d allowed her to call in the help of Chase and Uncle Alec.

Opal was pacing the floor of her study while Odelia and Gran, Marge and Tex, Chase and Uncle Alec, and of course Harlan sat around, biting their nails as the hours crept by.

At midnight Opal was to deliver the sum of money to the kidnapper, and even though she’d told the man she wouldn’t be able to raise the money, she had managed anyway.

“Tough to raise a million dollars on a Sunday,” Brutus said now.

We were, as usual, on the sidelines while the humans talked back and forth about the terrible ordeal Marilyn Coyn must be going through. This time we weren’t ensconced beneath the desk, but had managed to secure ourselves a position on the windowsill. A real window seat it was, too, and very comfortably outfitted with very soft cushions.

“Opal always keeps cash in the house,” Prunella said. “She likes the security of knowing her money is close.”

“Doesn’t she trust banks?” I asked.

“No, she doesn’t. Ever since a couple of banks collapsed some years ago, she keeps a big chunk of her money in her safe.”

“Must be a big safe,” said Brutus, “to keep all those billions.”

“She’s not a billionaire, silly,” said Prunella.

“She’s not? But I thought—”

“That’s just more media nonsense. They print a lot of lies about Opal. She’s a millionaire a couple of times over, but hardly a billionaire.”

“So where does she keep her money?”

Prunella pointed to a painting of Opal that was suspended on the wall behind her desk.“It swings open,” she said. “Behind it is her safe, where she keeps stacks of cash, jewelry, gold bars, and cigars.”

“Cigars? You mean, like, gold cigars?”

“No, real cigars. They’re Harlan’s, and he’s always afraid someone will steal them.”

“Rich people,” Brutus muttered.

“She shouldn’t go out there all by herself,” said Harriet. “It’s not safe.”

“No, that guy has tried to kill her three times already,” I said. “He won’t hesitate to try again.”

“Guy? I thought Opal’s assailant was a woman?” asked Brutus.

“I thought so, too, but Odelia said the voice on the phone sounded male.”

“He probably changed his voice when he called the salon yesterday,” Brutus said.

“Or maybe she altered her voice when she called Opal today,” said Harriet.

Both were distinct possibilities, and it was hard to know which one was correct.

“So what’s the plan?” asked Brutus.

“Opal will drive out there alone, to deliver the money,” I said.

“But she won’t be alone, will she?” said Prunella. “I—we’ll all be in the car with her. And if something happens, we’ll pounce on the assailant and rip him—”

“Or her,” I interjected.

“—to shreds.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Brutus agreed.

“And of course Odelia and the others will all be close by, keeping their distance so as not to spook the kidnapper, but close enough so that they can get there in seconds.”

“Minutes,” I corrected her.

“Minutes isn’t good enough,” said Brutus. “It only takes a second to fire a fatal shot.”

“Oh, dear,” said Prunella. “I knew she should have had those cloning people take a sample of her living tissue.”

The night crept on, with the clock seemingly ticking slower as midnight drew near.

“Oh, this is horrible!” Opal exclaimed as she traced a pattern on her nice Oriental rug. “This waiting around—it’s enough to drive me crazy!”

“That’s probably the idea,” said her boyfriend. “It’s a form of psychological warfare. They know this is driving you crazy, and that’s exactly what they want.”

“At least now we know for sure it isn’t Suzy doing this,” said Opal.

“Unless she’s working in cahoots with a second party,” said Gran, who still hadn’t given up on Suzy as the mastermind behind all of this.

“I think we can safely exclude Suzy from our list of suspects,” said Odelia.

The door opened and the hundred-year-old butler shuffled in. He was carrying a tray with a teapot, cups and saucers, and biscuits.“Tea and cookies, ma’am,” he announced in a reedy voice.

His hands were shaking, and I was nine-ninety percent sure he’d soon drop the entire tray on the floor. Much to my surprise, though, he kept on shuffling until he’d reached a little gate-leg table and managed to deposit the tray on top of it unscathed.

“Thank you, Barkley,” said Opal.

“Will there be anything else, ma’am?” asked the ancient retainer.

“No, you go to bed now.”

“Thank you, ma’am—sir.” And he shuffled out again, closing the door as he went.

“We never thought to put him on our list of suspects,” said Gran, annoyed at this oversight on her part.

“Barkley? He’s been with us for years,” said Harlan.

“Yeah, Barkley wouldn’t do such a thing,” said Opal.

“I think we can exclude the centenarian,” was Chase’s opinion. “You really don’t want me to hide in the backseat of the car, Opal?” he asked, reiterating an idea he’d launched earlier in the evening.

“No, if the kidnapper sees even a glimpse of you, they’re likely to open fire.”

“I could hide in the trunk,” Chase amended his original plan.

“And what good would that do? By the time you’re out of that trunk, the transaction will have either been concluded, or gone horribly awry. No, I have to do this myself. This is my mess. I put Marilyn in this position and I have to get her out.”

“I hope she’ll be all right,” said Marge, who was clutching her neck.

“If that bastard has harmed even a single hair on the poor woman’s head,” Harlan began, reddening beneath his tan, “I’ll… I’ll… Well, I don’t know what I’ll do but I’ll do something!”

“I know you will, darling,” said Opal, pressing her boyfriend’s hand. “I know. But we need to stay positive here. We need to think good thoughts and hope for the best.”

Soon it was time to leave, and Opal grabbed hold of the bulky bag with cash and walked out, followed by a procession of well-wishers and fellow positive thinkers. Except for Gran, who probably never read a positive thinking book in her life.

“We’re all gonna die,” she said now, earning herself a scowl from Opal.

We followed them into the hallway and then outside, where four cars were parked.

For the occasion Opal had decided not to use the limo—or her driver—but to use a less conspicuous mode of transportation instead. She was going to drive a bright red Mini Cooper, Harlan got behind the wheels of one of his Ferraris, while Odelia had been granted the rare privilege of selecting a car from Harlan’s extensive collection. She’d opted for a nice Fiat 500, with Gran riding shotgun, and Marge and Tex squeezing into the backseat. Alec and Chase, finally, were in the rental Toyota they’d gotten at the Grand Continental.

We cats all filed into Opal’s Mini Cooper, and then the fleet drove out of the gates and set a course for Bluff Point, where Marilyn’s fate would soon be decided.<>

Chapter 31

“It’s a real pity your human doesn’t speak our language,” I said, “or else we could have given her some instructions.”

“What instructions? She knows how to spend money,” said Prunella. “Even a million.”

“Not about spending the money,” I said, “but how to deal with this kidnapper.”

“And what would you advise her? To attack him and make sure she doesn’t get shot?”

“Not exactly. I’d advise her to stay calm and under no circumstances to provoke him.”

“Or her,” said Harriet, still adamant that Opal’s assailant was a woman.

“Why do you insist the kidnapper is a guy, Max?” asked Brutus.

“I told you. Odelia said the voice of the kidnapper sounded like a male voice.”

“Plus, only men do stupid things like try to kill a person or kidnap their best friend,” said Prunella.

“No, they don’t. There are plenty of women killers,” said Harriet, who apparently had very pronounced views on the matter.

“Just look at the statistics, Harriet,” said Prunella. “Ninety percent of the people convicted of homicide are men. Very few lady killers out there.”

“Plenty of ladykillers, though,” Brutus muttered.

“Well, I think you’re wrong,” said Harriet stubbornly. “Women can do crime just as well as men, and to think otherwise suggests a world view that’s outdated and, frankly, bigoted, Prunella. Anything men do, women can do better—even crime. So there.”

“They can, but they don’t, because as a rule women are much smarter than men.”

“No, they’re not!” said Harriet, then gulped.

“Ha! Gotcha!” said Prunella, and laughed loudly.

“Oh, my darlings,” said Opal, holding on to the steering wheel with an iron grip. “I know you’re scared, but please don’t be. This will all be over soon.”

“She thinks we’re scared,” said Dooley. “Why is that, Max?”

“Because she can’t make the distinction between cats arguing and cats yowling in anguish,” I said.

“Look, just hide in the back,” said Opal. “From the moment we arrive, just stay low and don’t show yourselves. I’m not going to give this bad person an excuse to shoot you.”

Just then, her phone sang out Chickie Hay’s biggest hit. ‘Wake me up,’ Chickie sang, and Opal woke up her phone by pressing the Connect button.

“Phoning and driving is very dangerous,” said Dooley.

“Shush, Dooley,” said Harriet. “It’s probably the kidnapper.”

“Yes, this is Opal?” She’d put the phone on speaker, so she could keep both hands on the wheel.

“Very sensible,” said Dooley.

“Shush already, will you?” said Harriet.

“Did you do as you were told?” the same metallic voice sounded over the phone.

“Yes, I did. I’m all alone in the car,” she said, darting a cautious look in her rearview mirror at the five of us. “And I’ve got the money.”

“Good.” And he—or she—promptly disconnected again.

“It’s not far now,” said Opal. “We’re almost there.”

She was right. Within seconds she slowed down the car, and when I took a peek through the window I saw we’d arrived at what looked like the surface of the moon: only rocks were visible, and it was very dark out, with a sliver of moon lending some measure of illumination.

“Looks pretty creepy out there,” I remarked.

“Keep your head down, Max!” said Brutus. “You don’t want to get shot, do you?”

“No, I don’t,” I admitted, and retracted my head.

Opal stopped the car and got out, dragging her bulky bag full of cash along with her.

I couldn’t resist the temptation so I stuck my head up again. What good was it to tag along like this if we couldn’t help Opal and try to identify this horrible person?

She’d left the car door open, so I snuck out.

“Max!” said Harriet. “What are you doing?”

“Taking a closer look!” I hissed.

Behind me, Dooley followed in my wake, and so did Prunella and then, finally, Harriet and Brutus.

A car stood parked about fifty yards from Opal’s, its beams turned up high. It was hard to make out the figure standing next to the car, but as we made a circular movement and approached him or her, I could see that there were actually two figures. Moving even closer, I saw that one was Marilyn and the other was…

“Is that a man or a woman?” asked Dooley.

“I don’t know. He or she is wearing a mask,” I said.

They were also dressed in black from head to toe, and holding something that looked like a gun.

“Drop the bag!” the kidnapper shouted.

Opal did as she was told and dropped the bag. She then stood there for a moment, caught in the car’s high beams.

“Where is Marilyn?” she yelled. “You promised to let her go if I paid you the money!”

“Step back!” said the kidnapper. “Back to your car. Now!”

“Not without Marilyn!” said Opal bravely.

The kidnapper pushed Marilyn and she stumbled into the beam of light.

“Marilyn!” Opal cried.

“I’m all right!” said Marilyn.

“Start walking,” the kidnapper growled, and Marilyn started walking. When she and the kidnapper had reached the bag, he said, “Open the bag. Do it!”

Marilyn opened the bag and the kidnapper peered inside.

“We should attack,” said Prunella. “Jump them and dig our claws in.”

“And risk Marilyn getting hurt?” I said. “No way. We have to wait until she’s safe.”

The kidnapper appeared satisfied with the contents of the bag, for they now picked it up and started back for the car.

Marilyn, who just stood there for a moment, finally realized she was free and started running in the direction of her friend.

Suddenly a shot rang out, and Opal uttered a blood-curdling scream.

“He shot her!” Brutus said.

“She shot her!” Harriet cried.

“Attack!” Dooley yelled, and without delay ran in the direction of the kidnapper.

We all followed suit, but unfortunately by the time we reached the car, the dastardly devil had already stepped inside and slammed the door.

We watched helplessly as the car’s tires spun, kicking up a cloud of dust and dirt, and soon the car was hurtling away at a high rate of speed.

“Opal!” said Prunella, and once again we were on the move, racing for Prunella’s human this time. When we reached her we saw it was bad. She was covered in blood, lying on the ground, with Marilyn hovering over her, screaming her head off.

Chapter 32

By the time Odelia reached Opal and Marilyn, the kidnapper was long gone, with the bag of money.

“Call an ambulance,” said Tex as he knelt down next to the fallen talk show host. After a quick examination, which Odelia’s dad carried out with practiced ease, he nodded. “It’s just a flesh wound,” he said, much to Odelia’s relief. “The bullet hit her shoulder and went straight through. He was probably aiming for her heart, but missed.”

“Oh, thank God,” said Marilyn.

Opal opened her eyes and groaned.“Not again,” were the first words out of her mouth. She looked up at Tex, and asked, “Am I going to live, doc?”

“Yes, Opal,” he said with a reassuring smile. “You’re going to be just fine. Though you will be sore for a while, and the wound needs to be cleaned and dressed.”

“Oh, darling,” said Harlan as he practically pounced on his girlfriend and took her into his arms.

She winced.“Careful, darling.”

Harlan hugged her close, not caring that her blood got onto his clothes, and Tex got up again. In the distance, the sound of an ambulance could already be heard.

Odelia’s cats came walking up.

“How is she?” asked Prunella anxiously.

“She’ll live,” said Max, who’d overheard Dad’s words.

“Oh, man,” said Prunella. “Why did I have to pick a human who keeps almost dying on me! It’s so stressful!”

Harriet, Brutus and Dooley laughed at this, but Max looked serious.

“We couldn’t see his face,” he said.

“Her face, you mean,” said Harriet.

“I thought it was a man’s voice,” said Brutus.

“And I thought it sounded like a woman,” said Harriet.

“Did you recognize him or her?” asked Odelia anxiously.

But Max shook his head.“No, I’m sorry. They were wearing a mask.”

“The car was a dark blue town car,” said Brutus, “though it could have been dark brown, dark green or dark red, and it could have been a sedan, I’m not entirely sure.”

“So did they catch him?” asked Gran, who came hurrying up, panting heavily.

“No, they didn’t. He managed to get away before they got close,” said Odelia.

“Oh, darn it,” said Gran. “I’ll bet it was that Suzy woman though. She had homicidal maniac written all over her face.”

“This vacation is really turning into a Hollywood movie,” said Marge, who stood hugging herself. It was chilly out there, and she hadn’t brought a coat. Chase, always the gentleman, must have noticed, too, for he took off his jacket and draped it around Marge’s shoulders.

“Thanks, honey,” said Marge gratefully.

“So the kidnapper got away?” asked Uncle Alec.

“Yeah, got away clean,” said Chase.

“Took the money?”

“Took the money and fired off a shot—which hit Opal in the shoulder.”

“Man, if this were Hampton Cove we’d be organizing a manhunt now.”

Odelia walked up to Opal.“Are you still sure about not involving the police?”

“No police,” Opal croaked. “The important thing is we have Marilyn back.”

“He tried to kill you!” said Marilyn. “You have to go to the police, Opal.”

“No police!” Opal insisted with a grimace of pain. “If the media finds out it’s going to be a feeding frenzy.” She turned to her friend. “Did you get a good look at the guy?”

“I’m not even sure it was a guy,” said Marilyn. “Could have been a woman. He or she never took off their mask.”

“How did it happen?” asked Chase. “How did they get you?”

“I’d just arrived home after our night out, and I’d just put my car in the garage when I was attacked from behind. They pushed some rag into my face and the next thing I knew I woke up in the backseat of that car, with a terrible headache and feeling nauseous.”

“Chloroform,” said Uncle Alec, nodding. “And then what happened?”

“And then we were driving and he parked the car and waited for you to arrive.”

“He didn’t talk to you?” asked Chase.

“Not a word. I demanded to know what he intended to do with me but nothing. Like talking to a wall. My hands were tied, and the doors locked, so I couldn’t escape.”

“What about the phone call? Did he say anything?”

“They got out to make that call. I couldn’t hear a thing.” She pressed her eyes closed and shivered. “It was horrible. The absolute most terrifying moments of my entire life.”

“It’s over now,” said Harlan, placing an arm around her shoulder. “It’s all over now.”

“I’ll never feel safe again.”

“You need to hire security,” said Chase.

“I know. And I will. Though I hate to go through life looking over my shoulder all the time.” She turned to Odelia. “Do you have any idea who’s doing this? Any idea at all?”

Odelia was embarrassed by her response.“Not a clue, to be honest.”

“Oh, we do have a clue,” said Gran. “It’s that Suzy woman, I’m a hundred percent sure.”

“No, it’s not,” said Odelia. “Suzy was with us when the kidnapper called.”

“So? She could have had an accomplice. A boyfriend or whatever.”

“Oh, Gran,” said Odelia.

“What?! It’s a plausible theory. We need to give her the first degree. Go good cop bad cop on her. Alec, you tell her. You know how it works.”

“I’m usually the good cop,” said Alec.

“No, you’re not,” said Chase. “I’m the good cop, and you’re the bad cop.”

“Let’s not split hairs,” Alec grumbled.

“Can’t you interview her?” asked Opal.

“We don’t have jurisdiction here,” said Alec. “Not as good cops, or bad cops. We’re civilians, just like you. With no rights to arrest people, or to subject them to questioning.”

“It wasn’t Suzy,” said Opal. “That much I know.” She sighed deeply. “But then who was it?”

Chapter 33

You would have thought that Opal, after yet another trip to the emergency room, would finally have decided to chuck it in and take a nice long vacation, but no. The next day she insisted on heading into the studio to do her Monday show.

“ButI can do your show,” Marilyn had said. “I can easily take over for a couple of days—weeks, even.”

“No, thanks,” Opal had said. “It’s my show and I’m going to be there to run it. Bullets fired at me or not. It’s you who should rest, darling. You were the one being kidnapped.”

So the next day we were all back at the studio. Or at least Odelia and Gran were, and their entire cat contingent, of course.

Tex and Marge had gone into town again, this time to Universal Studios to get the studio tour, and Chase and Uncle Alec had their conference to attend. Apparently the mayor had gotten wind that they’d been skipping lectures and had called Uncle Alec to give him a piece of his mind. It hadn’t been pretty.

Opal and her team were holed up inside the conference room, discussing that afternoon’s show, and even Suzy was present, even though she could have been excused for staying home—or handing in her resignation.

“Max?” asked Dooley as we lounged around in Opal’s office, interspersed with long visits to the canteen, where our food bowls were located.

“Yes, Dooley?”

“What is a toodle pip?”

“Toodle pip is not a thing but a greeting,” I said. “And if I’m not mistaken it’s something the Brits like to say. Basically it means goodbye.”

He was silent for a moment while he chewed on this. Then he said,“So is Kurtz a Brit?”

“Not that I know, why?”

“Well, he said toodle pip when he dropped by the house for his interview with Odelia.”

“I’m sure he just said it as a joke,” I said. “I don’t think he’s British.”

“And then there’s the kidnapper,” said Dooley. “He said the same thing last night.”

I stared at my friend.

“What is he saying, Max?” asked Brutus.

“Wait, let me get this straight,” I said. “You heard the kidnapper say toodle pip?”

“Yeah, when we were running to the car. I got there first, remember? And just before he slammed the door, he looked at me and said ‘toodle pip.’ Which I thought was odd.”

“Well, I’ll be damned,” I said.

“What did he say, Max?” asked Brutus.

But I was already out the door of Opal’s office, and heading down the hallway in the direction of the conference room. I burst in and made a beeline for Odelia.

“It’s Kurtz,” I told her. “He’s the kidnapper. He’s the one behind this whole thing!”

Odelia smiled politely at her colleagues as they all turned to her at the sound of my mewling.“I’m sorry. Feline emergency. I think he forgot where his litter box is.”

And to laughter from the others, she got up and walked out.

“Kurtz? Are you sure?” she asked the moment we were out of earshot.

“Dooley heard the kidnapper use the phrase ‘toodle pip’ last night, the same thing Kurtz said when he was at the house a couple of days ago. That can’t be a coincidence, Odelia.” And then I remembered something else. “At the salon and spa, Prunella said that Kurtz was a regular. And shedidn’t mean at the salon but at the clinic where they perform plastic surgery. Is it possible that Kurtz used to be a woman and transitioned to a man? And that’s why he sounded like a woman when he phoned the salon?”

“I noticed the first day that Kurtz doesn’t have an Adam’s apple,” said Odelia. “You’re absolutely right, Max. He’s the kidnapper. He’s the one behind this whole thing!”

I suddenly heard a noise, and when I looked up I found myself staring straight into Kurtz’s eyes. He was standing right behind us! Odelia looked up, and gasped in shock. He then gave her a wan smile, and before she could stop him, was running to the exit!

“Not on my watch!” I shouted, and set off after the guy—or gal.

“Max! What’s happening!” shouted Brutus.

“It’s Kurtz!” I shouted. “He’s the kidnapper!”

To Brutus’s credit, he immediately got the message, and alerted the others, who were still inside Opal’s office. And then five cats were in hot pursuit, and one reporter, with Kurtz having a head start of mere minutes.

The odds were finally in our favor!

We ran full tilt, but Kurtz knew his way around the studio lot a lot better than we did, and disappeared into the studio next to Opal’s.

As we burst inside, I saw that they were filming some sort of sword-and-sandal action flick, with several men dressed in nothing but leather straps and sandals swinging their swords and trying to hit each other.

Behind us, Odelia rounded the corner, followed at a distance by Gran and… Opal!

“Hank!” I could hear Gran cry, and when I followed her gaze, I saw that one of the men in leather straps was, indeed, Hank!

“Oh, hey, Vesta,” said Hank, raising his sword in greeting.

“What the hell are you doing here?!”

“I got a part inBen-Hur II! Isn’t it great!”

“You could have called me!”

“Well, I’ve been so busy auditioning…”

“Cut!” an irate voice yelled. “Cut cut cut! What are these people doing on my set!”

I would have stayed and chatted, but I had a killer to catch!

We raced through the studio, still in hot pursuit, and soon found ourselves on the next soundstage, where none other than Leonardo DiCaprio was standing on the bow of a humongous ship! Across the side of the ship, the words Titanic II had been painted, and in Leo’s arms he held a young woman. He yelled, “I’m the king of the world!” and the young babe, whom I thought I recognized as a famous Italian model, giggled excitedly.

“Hey, it’s Kate and Leo!” said Harriet, who’s a big fan.

“That’s not Kate,” said Brutus. “That’s a younger model.”

“I thought Leo died inTitanic?” Dooley commented.

“They cloned him!” Prunella said. “See! Cloning humansis allowed!”

“Cut! Cut!” a bearded man screamed. “Get those darn cats out of here! Get them out!”

He didn’t have to say twice, for we were already out of there, and so was Kurtz.

He’d snuck out the back of the studio building and was now heading for one of those funny golf carts. He hopped on, and was soon zooming away.

“We’ll never catch him!” said Dooley.

“Oh, yes, we will!” I said.

Behind us—far behind now—was Odelia, and even further behind was Gran. Of Opal there was no trace. I think she’d dropped out of the race altogether.

We raced after the funny-looking golf cart, with Kurtz looking over his shoulder to see if we weren’t gaining on him. When he saw we weren’t, he actually stuck out his tongue and yelled, “Catch me if you can, you filthy animals!”

And then, suddenly, a second golf cart came zooming in from the right and slammed straight into Kurtz, sending him flying!

He described a perfect arc through the air and crashed into a wall then crumpled to the ground in a heap.

When I looked up, I saw that the second golf cart was being driven by none other than Opal!

She got out of the golf cart, looking a little shook up herself, her arm still in a sling from the bullet Kurtz had fired at her the night before.

And as she stood over Kurtz, she growled,“Game over, you jerk.”

Chapter 34

“Listen to this,” said Opal.

They were back in her office. The police had taken Kurtz away, but before they did, Opal had grabbed his phone. It now lay on her desk. She tapped a button and a familiar voice sounded through her office.

‘Delete this message the moment you get it, all right? And aim at the heart. I can’t believe she escaped three times already. This time finish the job, or else I’ll finish you!’

It was Marilyn’s voice!

They all stared at Opal, who looked appropriately grim.

“Marilyn was behind this whole thing?” asked Odelia, shocked to the core.

“It sure appears that way. I already told the police, and they’re picking her up as we speak.” She shook her head. “Thirty years of friendship and now this. I don’t believe it.”

Odelia didn’t believe it either. Just as she found it very hard to believe Kurtz could have done what he did, but there was no denying it was true. He’d actually confessed.

“He used to be a woman, you know,” said Opal now. “His name isn’t Jack Kurtzman but Dina Bates. I recognized him the moment he said it. Dina used to work as my accountant. She was bright and smart and I liked her a lot. Loyal. Hard-working. But then I discovered some irregularities. Money missing from my accounts, weird payments, bills for services never supplied. I secretly ordered an audit and discovered Dina had been doctoring the books to the tune of hundreds of thousands of dollars. She spent a couple of years inside and when she got out had a sex-change operation and became Kurtz.”

“And applied for a job and was hired,” said Odelia.

“Exactly.”

“She vowed revenge,” Gran said.

“Yeah, which from her perspective is understandable, as she figured I was the reason her career was cut short. I just never thought Marilyn would be involved as well.”

“It makes sense,” said Odelia. “Marilyn knew every last thing about you. She could have told Kurtz how and when you took your coffee, which car to sabotage, and all about your Botox allergy, which probably isn’t the kind of thing you share with your staff.”

“No, it isn’t, though it’s possible Kurtz already knew about that, from the days he still called himself Dina Bates. Office gossip is not to be underestimated.”

“Amazing story,” said Odelia.

“Are you sure Suzy isn’t involved as well?” asked Gran. “She could be the third person in this gang.”

“Yes, I’m sure,” said Opal. “So, Odelia. Tell me. How did you get onto Kurtz?”

Odelia would have told Opal that it had in fact been Dooley who’d solved the case, but she didn’t think that was wise, even with a cat lover like Opal. So instead she said, “Just a hunch. And then when I confronted him, he immediately made a run for it.”

“And that sealed the deal,” said Opal, nodding. She slapped the desk. “Well, that’s it. I’m going down to the police station to give my statement, and I suggest you come with me.”

“What about your show?” asked Gran. “You can’t not do your show, Opal. People are depending on you.”

Opal smiled.“I think maybe it’s time to let go. Let someone else do the show for once. And who knows? Maybe step away from this circus altogether. Get my bearings. I have to tell you that this whole experience has seriously made me question my priorities. Made me think about my life, and the things I stillwant to accomplish.”

“You’re not thinking about dropping the show, are you?!” asked Gran, horrified.

“And what if I am? I’m sure there are other things I can do. I’ve always dreamt of running my own studio, maybe scheduling original content in line with my personal beliefs. I don’t have to be a show host all my life, and work for these studio bosses.”

“You can be a studio boss yourself,” said Odelia.

“Exactly!”

And as they left the building and got into Opal’s limo, Odelia had a feeling they wouldn’t be back there again. Not any time soon.

The case was closed. Finally!

Opal’s driver took them down to the police station—Opal’s second limo had already taken the cats home, as there was nothing more for them to do. They could relax now.

At the police station, they were invited to look on as Marilyn Coyn was being interviewed.

Opal clearly found it painful to watch as her friend confessed.

“Yes, I conspired to kill Opal Harvey,” said a teary-eyed Marilyn, her hands cuffed.

“But why?” asked a lady detective.

“You know, after thirty years I was sick and tired of playing second fiddle,” said Marilyn. “Do you know how it feels to be ‘the friend of’ all your life? To be known for nothing more than being the friend of superstar Opal Harvey? I frankly couldn’t take it anymore. I have ambitions. I want to go places, and I was never going to get there if I kept on living in the shadows of the great Opal. So I decided to do something about it.

“I recognized Kurtz the moment I laid eyes on him. Dina Bates. Obviously he had it in for Opal, and obviously he wanted revenge. So I told him I’d help him get even, if he decided to go all the way and end her. He didn’t want to at first. All he wanted was to steal enough money to retire to Mexico or Belize, but I convinced him that stealing Opal’s money wasn’t enough. She’s so damn rich she wouldn’t even feel the sting. If he really wanted to get even he needed to finish her off. And so he did. Or at least tried.”

“You staged your own kidnapping.”

“Yes, I did. Just to make sure no one would ever suspect me. And I told Kurtz that this time he better shoot to kill or else. Of course the idiot missed—and then got himself caught by that stupid Odelia. I should never have told Opal to hire her. I just figured if she was going to hire someone,best to hire a rank amateur. Boy, did I get that wrong.”

“But Opal was your friend,” said the policewoman. “I mean, how could you?”

Marilyn’s expression hardened. “I was never Opal’s friend. I was her toy. Her plaything. And so one day I decided that wasn’t good enough for me. And that’s the day I decided she had to die.”

Odelia glanced over, and saw that Opal had already left the room. And maybe it was for the best. To be betrayed by your PA is one thing, but by your best friend of thirty years is quite another.

“What a story,” said Gran as they walked out of the police station.

“Yeah, what a story.”

“Your editor will be happy. You’ll be able to write him up a big juicy scoop.”

They’d met up with Opal on the police station steps. “No scoop,” said Opal as she pulled her coat tighter around herself. “I know you’re a reporter, Odelia, and a damn good one, but I want you to promise me you’ll write nothing about this. Not a word.”

“But…”

“Not a word,” said Opal emphatically. “I don’t want my life dragged through the mud.”

“I think Marilyn will be more than happy to give interviews from prison,” said Gran.

“That’s her business. I’ll flatly refuse to comment. In fact I never want to talk about this again.” And with these words, she walked off in the direction of her waiting limo.

They watched her get in, and Odelia fully expected the limo to drive off. But then the window rolled down and Opal hollered,“Well? Are you coming or not?”

“Phew,” said Gran. “For a moment there I thought we were going to have to walk.”

And then they got into the limo with Opal and drove off.

Chapter 35

We were all back in Hampton Cove and happy to be there. Tex was clearly happy, too, for he was flipping burgers as if there was no tomorrow. Half of them were landing in the neighbor’s backyard but he didn’t seem to mind, and neither did the neighbor’s new dog, snapping them out of the air and happily gobbling them down.

“Why is Tex feeding the neighbor’s new dog?” asked Dooley.

“I think he’s feeling magnanimous,” I said.

“I think he has no idea what he’s doing,” said Harriet with a shake of the head.

She was right. Even though Marge had bought her husband a nice new top-of-the-line grill, Tex was still as hopeless as ever when it came to the art of grilling. His burger patties were either raw or burnt to a crisp. Either way, I liked them. Cats are not as picky as humans. Then again, the Pooles clearly weren’t picky, either, as they ate up everything Tex managed to land on their plates. They were probably glad the dog didn’t get it all.

“I still can’t believe Marilyn would do such a thing,” said Marge, slapping nice big helpings of potato salad on plates and distributing them amongst her family.

“Yeah, that came as a big shock to Opal,” said Odelia.

“Imagine having your best friend plot to kill you,” said Uncle Alec. “Terrible. More, Marge,” he said. “Keep it coming.”

Marge darted a hesitant glance in the direction of her husband, but since he was too busy flipping a burger patty, tongue sticking out of his mouth in utter concentration, she did as her brother asked.

It had come to Alec’s attention that Tex hadn’t been completely honest with him when he fed him the whole ‘quadruple bypass surgery’ line. His little speech had given the police chief the heebie-jeebies, and the moment he got back to Hampton Cove he’d gone straight to the hospital to talk to a cardiologist and schedule the procedure. Turned out his coronary arteries were just A-okay. Tex had wanted to give Alec a big scare and make him adopt a healthier lifestyle. But of course he’d achieved exactly the opposite.

“So how’s the Fitbit?” asked Chase as he clapped his superior officer on the broad back.

“Damn thing broke,” Alec grunted.

“How can a Fitbit break?”

“No idea. It was fine one minute and then I got out of the tub and it stopped working.”

“Did you check if yours was waterproof?” asked Odelia.

“I guess we’ll never know,” said Alec with a fine smile.

“You destroyed that thing on purpose!” said Chase.

“No, I didn’t. It broke all by itself.”

“You don’t want to be happy and healthy,” said Chase. “That’s your problem.”

“My problem is that I want to be happy, but all the stuff you keep telling me about being healthy makes me unhappy, so…” He lifted his shoulders in a shrug.

“Do you think Uncle Alec has lost weight?” asked Dooley now.

“I think he gained weight,” I said. His trip to LA hadn’t done a lot for his diet.

“So what’s going to happen to Marilyn and Kurtz now?” asked Brutus.

“Oh, they’ll both spend a nice long stretch in jail,” I said.

“And good riddance, too,” said Harriet.

The whole affair had created a big buzz in the media. Both Opal and Marilyn were very famous people, and the story had resonated with readers and viewers across the world. Opal hadn’t returned to her show, opting to step out of the limelight after thirty years of prime-time television, much to Gran’s disappointment. She was starting her own network, though, so maybe that was some consolation for her millions of fans.

“I can’t believe Dooley solved his first case, though,” said Brutus.

“I did, didn’t I?” said Dooley, who still seemed surprised.

“Yes, you did,” I said, proud of my friend.

“Toodle pip,” he said. “It’s a nice clue.”

“It’s an excellent clue,” I said.

“It’s a super clue,” said Harriet. “But even though you’re now the big hero, Dooley, you’re still going to give me your solo spot, right? You promised?”

“Oh, of course,” said Dooley. “You can have my spot, Harriet.”

“And mine,” I said.

“And you can have mine, too,” said Brutus.

Harriet smiled. In fact she looked so happy that I decided right then and there she could sing all of my solos. I mean, I like to sing, but I don’t like to sing in front of my feline peers. Harriet likes to shine, and she was shining now, which warmed my heart.

And isn’t that what friendship is all about? Giving up a minor pleasure just to see that smile on a friend’s face? Or enjoying the fact that your best friend solved a case for once?

I think that’s what Marilyn forgot: that friendship isn’t about taking. It’s about giving. And the more you give, the more you get in return. Isn’t that just the strangest thing?

Odelia arrived with more burger patties, straight from her dad’s grill.

“These are a little charred on the edges,” she said apologetically.

“That’s all right,” I said. “We don’t mind.”

“Um… I only have three,” she said, frowning. “Odd. I thought I had four.”

“You can give mine to Max,” said Dooley.

“Yeah, give mine to Max, too,” said Harriet.

“And mine,” Brutus grumbled, a little more reluctantly.

See what I mean? The more you give, the more you receive. Though in this case I decided to give my portion to the dog next door. Too scorched for my taste.

I know I said cats will eat anything, but there are limits.

And besides. What else are dogs for, right?