Purrfectly Royal. Purrfect Cut. Purrfect Trap

13. PURRFECTLY ROYAL

Prologue

Tessa Torrance was giving instructions to the two kids manning the face painting stand. It was still early, and not many people had shown up yet for the annual Royal Newtmore Summer Show, but tickets had sold like crazy, and the day promised to be sunny and fun-filled.

The lithe, raven-haired wife of Prince Dante let her proud gaze drift along the different stalls. She was in charge of the children’s activities, and they were plenty: an urban farm, a big bouncy castle, animal balloons, a puppet show, a unicorn dance party and lots and lots more.

Tessa felt proud of her team of kids who’d worked tirelessly to set everything up. The festivities took over the Newtmore Estate and were always a big draw with the public. A jazz band was warming up nearby, and Master Chocolatier Tait Herder, well-known for his TV show Chocoholics Unite, was setting up shop in the shade of a birch tree.

The proceeds this year were going to the charity foundation Tessa and Dante had recently set up, and the event was very close to their hearts. She was ecstatic, therefore, when ticket sales had exceeded their expectations.

She searched around for her hubby. There were still days when she could hardly believe her luck and had to pinch herself when she woke up. She’d been a struggling actress in a middling TV show that wasn’t all that popular and now here she was: an actual duchess with a global platform, which allowed her to do so much good, with her soulmate as her life partner.

Her phone jangled and she took it out of the back pocket of her black Capri pants.“Yeah, Karlotta, how is she?”

They’d left Silvy in the able care of their nanny Karlotta, a German au-pair who loved their sweet baby girl almost as much as she and Dante did.

“Oh, she is perfectly fine, but I think she misses you, Ma’am,” said the girl with typical breathy exasperation.

“What do you mean? Is she crying?”

“Not crying. Giving me strange looks. As if I’m a dragon and she wants to slay me!”

Tessa laughed. Silvy was prone to bouts of moodiness, and sometimes looked exactly like the au-pair described.

“Don’t worry about that. That’s just her way of saying she’s not happy about something. I’ll bet she’s hungry. Have you fed her?”

“I was just about to, Ma’am,” said the nanny. “But maybe first you should talk to her? She usually settles down when she hears your voice.”

“Put her on,” said Tessa with an indulgent smile. “Hey, baby,” she said when she heard Silvy’s snuffling sounds. “Mommy will be home soon.”

The snuffling intensified in volume, then the baby sneezed, as if to say:‘Why did you leave me alone with this horrible German woman?’

“I’ll try to pop in soon,” she said. She always felt guilty about leaving Silvy in the care of Karlotta, but this event was so very important to her and Dante.

“That’s fine, Ma’am,” said Karlotta. “I will feed her now, shall I?”

“Yes, please do. Oh, and Karlotta?”

“Yes, Ma’am?”

“Could you please, please, please just call me Tessa?”

“Of course, Ma’am,” said the girl, then promptly disconnected.

“Oh, blimey,” said Tessa with a smile, then put her phone away.

She looked up when Dante came running up to her, waving his arms.

Oh, how sweet. Two years into their marriage and they were still crazy in love. She waved back. She noticed his face had taken on an even darker tinge of scarlet than usual. A redhead, Dante was prone to ruddiness, something which she thought was awfully cute. She’d never dated a red-haired man before, and now she felt it was one of Dante’s most appealing features.

When he shouted something, and gesticulated wildly, her smile fell.

Then, suddenly, she realized he was pointing to something above her.

She looked up, just in time to see something hurtling down towards her.

In a split second, she threw herself to the side, and moments later the projectile, for that was what it was, crashed to the ground. It was a giant ball of stone, three feet wide, and would have crushed her if she hadn’t jumped.

Dante was upon her, and cried,“Are you all right, Tessa? Tessa!”

“I—I’m fine,” she said, dazed and confused. “Wha—what happened?”

“The stone—it came loose. I saw it happening just as I looked up.”

They both stared at the massive object, then at the top of the wall of Newtmore House where it had fallen from.

“Dante,” she said, a tremor in her voice. “You—you just saved my life.”

Chapter 1

It had been a rough night so far, cat choir a disastrous experience. Shanille, our conductor, had the gall to tell me, and in front of the whole group, too, if you please, that I sang so much out of tune that either I took private lessons to improve my singing, or she was going to kick me out of cat choir altogether.

Apparently—and this is only hearsay so take it with a grain of kibble—two members had complained. They were cats standing in my immediate vicinity, claiming that I sang so loud and so pitchy they had trouble singing in tune themselves, and as a consequence the performance of all the tenors suffered.

Harriet, of course, thought the whole thing hilarious, and had laughed heartily. She, a prominent member of the sopranos, didn’t have to worry about her position and standing, and obviously didn’t care a hoot that I did.

“But I don’t sing out of tune!” I cried in feeble protest, knowing full well that the damage was done and the minds of fellow choir members made up.

Shanille looked hesitant. She doesn’t like disciplining people, but she has a choir to run, and choirs are like leashes: they’re only as strong as their weakest link—or is that chains? At any rate, evidently that weakest link was me.

“Okay,” she finally said, relenting. Possibly for the dear old friendship we shared. “Sing after me.” And she proceeded to intone one of the harder songs on our repertoire, a vocal run I’d never particularly liked or enjoyed singing.

“Ooh-aah-eeh-aah-ooh-aah-aah,” she sang. Beautifully, I might add.

So I repeated the exact same run, only in a lower register. I also closed my eyes, as I’d seen Mariah Carey do, and I adopted the way she likes to touch her ear when she sings. I like to think it makes me look like a professional. But when I opened my eyes, the first thing I saw was Shanille’s frown.

I gave her my best smile.“How did I do? Blew you away, right?”

“With a wrecking ball,” commented Milo, one of my least favorite choir members.

Shanille swallowed nervously.“Maybe give it another shot, Max,” she said encouragingly. “And this time keep your eyes open and focus on me.”

I could see where she was coming from. After all, what good is a choir conductor if the choir members won’t even bother keeping her in their sights? Only problem is, I feel more in control and able to focus better on my singing when I’m not distracted by the others. But seeing as this was one of those do-or-die moments, I decided not to play hardball but acquiesce instead.

“Ooh-aah-eeh-aah-ooh-aah-aah,” I sang with feeling.

Judging from the way Shanille winced, it was not my best work.

And when the final note had died away, she spoke those fateful words:“Max, I think you should find a private tutor, and only come back when you’ve improved to a spectacular degree.”

“But, Shanille!”

To no avail. I could tell from the way she curled her upper lip she wasn’t budging.

“I’m sorry, Max. I have the other members to think about.”

I let my gaze glide pleadingly over the faces of these other members, most of whom I’d known for years, many who were my bestest, closest friends. Like Dooley, and Brutus, and Harriet. But all I got in return were blank looks. And then Dooley said, “I can tutor you, Max.”

“I don’t think so, Dooley,” said Shanille before I had a chance to respond. “But thanks for the offer.”

“I could tutor him,” said Brutus, a little gruffly.

“You’re a bass, Brutus,” Shanille pointed out. “You can’t tutor a tenor.”

“Why don’t I tutor him?” Harriet suggested. But then the meaning of Shanille’s words got through to her, and she added, “Oh, but I’m a soprano, so that’s probably a no-no, right?”

“I’m a tenor,” said Milo. “Though I doubt whether a private tutor will do him any good. Singing is one of those talents you either possess or don’t possess, and clearly Max doesn’t have what it takes to be a singer.”

“Milo,” said Brutus warningly, taking my side. It warmed my heart.

“I’m only saying this to help you, Max,” Milo said. “No offense, buddy, but you’re probably better off finding yourself a different hobby. Whittling, for instance. You could bring a lot of beauty into this world by whittling, Max.”

“I don’t whittle,” I said, trying to put a growl into my voice and failing miserably. I’m not a natural growler. And apparently not a singer either.

“Max,” said Shanille. “I’d teach you myself, but since I’m busy, busy, busy…”

I nodded morosely. I could see which way the wind was blowing, and it definitely wasn’t blowing in my direction.

“It’s fine,” I said. “I’ll just… go, I guess.”

And so I started moving away. I sorta, kinda hoped multiple voices would ring out clamoring,“No, Max, don’t go! Cat choir just isn’t the same without you!”

But no voices rang out in the night at all. None whatsoever. Instead, the moment my back was turned, choir practice recommenced as if nothing had happened. Then, suddenly, as I walked off, head low and my spirits even lower, I became aware of a presence next to me. When I looked up, I saw that it was Dooley.

“I’d still like to be your tutor, Max,” he said. “I think I could help you.”

“Thanks, Dooley,” I said. “But you don’t have to do this.”

“It’s fine,” he said. “Cat choir isn’t much fun without you there.”

It touched my heart to such an extent I actually teared up.“Thanks, Dooley,” I said brokenly. “That means a lot to me, buddy.”

“I’ll help you, too,” said a second voice. It was Brutus. “I know I’m a bass and you’re a tenor, but I’ll do what I can to make you rise to my level. It won’t be easy, of course, as I’m such an excellent singer, but I’ll give it my best shot.”

“Gee, thanks, Brutus,” I said, strangely touched by his words.

“And my offer still stands,” a third voice spoke. Harriet gave me a meaningful smile. “I’m sure together we’ll make you a singer yet, Max.”

We walked on in silence for a few beats, then I said,“Am I really as bad as all that?”

When they didn’t reply, but instead exchanged knowing glances, I had my answer. Yup. That was the night I learned what a terrible singer I really am!

Hopefully, though, with a little help from my friends, I’d overcome this affliction.

Chapter 2

Chase woke up and blinked. He lay there, eyes wide open, wondering if it was time to get up. Judging from the fact that it was still dark out, it wasn’t. And a glance at his bedside clock told him it was two o’clock. At night.

And then he heard it. Cats mewling and yowling and producing the kinds of sounds only cats can make.

His lips twitched in amusement.

He’d recently learned that his girlfriend, Odelia Poole, possessed the rare and wonderful ability of being able to talk to cats. And those same cats could actually hear her and understand what she was saying!

It all seemed fantastical to him, and he’d never have believed it if he hadn’t seen it with his own two eyes and heard it with his own two ears.

The only unfortunate aspect of the whole thing was that he wasn’t able to learn how to do it himself. He’d asked Odelia to teach him the language but she’d told him it wasn’t really a language but more of a mystical connection she and her mother and grandmother seemed to have with the feline species.

Fair enough, but he still wished he possessed the same mystical connection, only maybe with dogs not cats. He loved dogs. Had always loved dogs. And just the idea that he would be a proud dog owner—or the dog the proud owner of him!—and that he could talk to the adorable mutt would be so great.

He rubbed his face as he listened to the protracted wails and screeches.

Odelia, of course, would know exactly what they were talking about, but one look at her tousled blond head told him she was still sound asleep.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he padded over to the window and looked out into the night. A full moon lit up the backyard of the house he now shared with Odelia, and sure enough, four cats sat gathered in the postage stamp of a lawn, screeching and screaming their hearts out. As far as he could tell they were just making noise, but who was he kidding? For all he knew they were discussing quantum mechanics or the latest social media scandal.

“They’re singing,” suddenly a voice sounded from the bed.

He turned around with an amused expression on his face.

Odelia’s tousled head had lifted and she was staring at him sleepily, her eyes half-lidded. “Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high… Or at least that’s what they’re trying to sing. They’re not great singers, those cats of mine.”

He laughed.“Are you seriously telling me they’re singing a song?”

“Yup. They go to cat choir every night, which is more of an excuse to get together and socialize than to perform in Madison Square Garden one day.”

“Hey, I like to sing,” he said. “Maybe I can join them?”

“Be my guest,” she said, and lay back down. “But leave me out of it, will you? I have to work tomorrow and I need my eight hours.”

He needed his eight hours, too, but one night of reduced slumber wouldn’t hurt, so he slipped his feet into his slippers and went downstairs to join the fearsome foursome as they traded notes and massacredOver The Rainbow.

“Hey, guys,” he said as he walked out into the night, and cinched the sash of his bathrobe around his muscular form. “Would you mind if I joined you?”

The cats meowed something he didn’t understand, but it didn’t sound hostile, so he dragged out a lawn chair and sat down. Then Max seemed to hold up a paw as if to count to three, and he bobbed his head in sync with his motions, then the cop and the four cats all broke into song.

“Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high…”

Suddenly a window was thrown open from the next house and a head poked out.

“Will you cut it out with all the noise!”

It was Odelia’s grandmother, and she did not look pleased.

“It’s not noise!” he shouted back. “The cats and I are singing!”

“Go ‘sing’ someplace else,” she said. “You’re waking up the whole neighborhood with your horrible caterwauling.”

He shook his head, and saw that Max was shaking his head, too.

“True talent is never appreciated, is it?” he said.

And he could have sworn that Max answered in the affirmative.

In defiance of his future grandmother-in-law, he opened his mouth to belt out a few more bars, and this time a window opened on the other side of the house, and a boot swished through the air and hit him on the back of the head.

“Hey!” he said.

“Oh, be quiet!” a voice yelled. He couldn’t see who it was, but assumed it was Odelia’s next-door neighbor Kurt Mayfield. A retired music teacher, apparently the singing didn’t appeal to his finely honed musical sensibilities.

It wasn’t the first time Chase had been chastened by critical responses to his singing. He directed a quizzical look at Max and the others. “How do you guys deal with this boot-throwing business? Does this happen a lot?”

The four cats lifted their shoulders as if to say:‘Welcome to our world, buddy.’

A window now opened above him and Odelia’s sleepy head poked out. “When I said it’s fine for you to join them I didn’t think you’d actually go through with it. Do you know what time it is?” She yawned for emphasis.

“I just figured I’d spend some bonding time with your cats,” he said.

“Yeah, well, I hate to break it to you, Chase, but you can’t sing—and you guys can’t sing either,” she added when a questioning meow came from Dooley. “Better get back inside before the neighbors call the cops on you.”

“Hey, wouldn’t that be something? I’d have to arrest myself for disturbing the peace.”

“Go back to bed, Chase.”

“Yeah, go back to bed, Chase!” a voice sounded from next door. It was the same tetchy neighbor.

Then Gran chimed in,“Do what your girlfriend tells you to, Chase!”

“Okay, fine,” he said. He eyed the four cats keenly, and thought they were smiling at him. “So it was great spending time with you guys,” he said, and held up his hand. They actually high-fived him!

“Hey, did you see that?” he asked, but Odelia had already returned to bed.

“Let’s go inside, buddies,” he said. “And do some more singing tomorrow.”

They moved into the house, single file, and the night was still once more.

Chapter 3

I woke up the next morning in an unfamiliar but pleasant position: face to face with Chase, of all people. Usually I wake up having cuddled my way up to Odelia, but apparently Chase has grown on me for me to favor him. My friends were all in various positions on the bed: Dooley was butt to butt with Odelia, while Harriet and Brutus were entangled at the foot of the bed.

Odelia has joked in the past that she would probably have to buy a bigger bed at some point to accommodate her expanding household, and I guess that wouldn’t be such a bad idea. For one thing, my paw was dangling over the precipice, one bump from Chase enough to send me over the edge myself.

He woke up with a loud snore and stared at me. I stared right back and smiled.“Hey, there, sleepyhead,” I said by way of greeting.

He blinked a few times, then said,“Odelia? Your cat is staring at me!”

“He’s showing you how much he cares,” she muttered.

“I do care about you, Chase,” I said earnestly. I happen to think Chase is the bee’s knees—he and Odelia a match made in heaven.

Chase looked a little ill at ease. He’s not used to waking up being stared at by a cat. It’s a sign of affection, as Odelia had correctly surmised, and to show him I really liked him, I put my paw on his face and gently dabbed his nose.

He swallowed, as he lay there, frozen like a popsicle. Weird.

“Relax, Chase,” she said. “He’s not going to eat you.”

“Yeah, but he might scratch me in the face.”

“He won’t. Max is very careful not to use his claws.”

I am. I don’t like to scratch my humans. They tend to bleed. Such sensitive creatures. Sometimes, of course, I can’t help it, like when I’m excited about a rare treat. I wasn’t now—just feeling happy.

“Max,” said Chase. “Please don’t scratch me. I like my face the way it is.”

“I like your face, too,” I said. “It’s a nice face, as faces go.”

Dooley, who’d woken up, said, “Oh, are you having a t?te-?-t?te with Chase? I’ll join you.” He crawled over Odelia and got right on top of Chase, then started purring up a storm and kneading the man’s stomach.

“Ouch!” said Chase.

“No claws, Dooley,” said Odelia.

“Let me get in there, you guys,” said Harriet, and plunked herself gracefully down on Chase’s chest, making herself comfortable.

“I feel left out,” said Brutus.

“There’s still a spot near his head,” I pointed out.

“Great,” muttered Brutus, and draped himself across Chase’s head.

Now four cats were purring up a storm, and kneading our new favorite human. Chase has saved my life numerous times, and Dooley even thinks he might be Jesus. I wouldn’t go as far as that, but he is a pretty solid dude, in my humble opinion, and cats, even though they’re rumored to stint on the emotion, are actually very emotional creatures, and like to show their affection rather than jabber on and on about it like some other species.

Plus, Chase had sung with us last night, and even taken a boot to the head for his trouble. How cool was that?

Odelia finally managed to drag her eyelids high enough to warrant eyesight, and laughed when she saw the predicament her boyfriend was in.

“You’re now officially owned by four cats,” she said, shaking with laughter.

“I feel pretty… funny,” he said.

“Ooh, I know that song!” said Harriet. “I feel pretty. Oh so pretty.”

And soon we were all singing at the top of our lungs, Odelia was laughing, and even Chase had to chuckle—very carefully, though. Hard to chuckle with four cats hampering your chuckling movements.

Just then, a voice rang out from downstairs.

“Are you two lovebirds up yet?”

Chase and Odelia exchanged a glance.“Gran,” they said in unison.

“Come on up, Gran!” Odelia yelled.

“Wait, no,” said Chase, but too late.

Already feet could be heard pounding up the stairs, and moments later a little old white-haired lady burst through the door. When she saw Chase loaded with cats, she laughed.“Well, now ain’t that a sight for sore eyes!”

“Ha ha ha,” said Chase, but I could tell his heart wasn’t in it. His next words proved this. “What do you want, Vesta?”

Her smile vanished.“Be nice to your granny-in-law, mister,” she growled.

“You insulted my singing last night! Called it caterwauling!”

“I was only trying to offer you a learning opportunity. How do you two feel about a trip to England?”

“England?” said Odelia, staring at her grandmother.

“It’s a country. In Europe.”

“I know what England is. Why would we go on a trip there?”

“Why not? You remember Angela? Angela Torrance?” When Odelia shook her head, she added, “When I tell you she’s the mother of Tessa Torrance?”

“Oh, that Angela,” said Odelia, nodding.

“Who’s Angela Torrance?” I asked.

“She lived around the corner for a while and was great friends with Mom,” said Odelia. “Gran used to babysit her daughter Tessa—we’re the same age.”

“Tessa Torrance as inthe Tessa Torrance?” asked Chase. “The princess?”

“Technically she’s not a princess, even though she married a prince,” said Gran. “The English are weird like that. Anyway, I got a call from Angela just now. There was an incident with her daughter and she wants us to go over there and find out what’s going on.”

“Incident?” asked Odelia. “What kind of incident?”

“A big stone almost crushed her. She’s lucky to be alive.”

“But… don’t they have cops in England?”

“They do. But Tessa wants to keep the whole thing quiet. She told her husband Prince Dante it was an accident but she’s not too sure herself. And now she wants us to investigate. Isn’t that great?!”

“But…”

“What’s with all the buts? Don’t you want a free European vacation?”

“Of course I do, but I don’t see—”

“Look, Angela has read all about your sleuthing adventures, and she’s told Tessa about it, and now they want you to go over there to keep an eye on things. Is that so hard to understand?”

“But…” She ignored Gran’s expressive groans of frustration. “I can’t just waltz in there and start snooping around. Doesn’t she have protection officers and royal guards and Scotland Yard or whatever?”

“I told you. She doesn’t trust anyone.”

“You didn’t tell me that.”

“Well, I’m telling you now. Angela will arrange everything. You will pretend to be Tessa’s cousin, and I’m her grandmother.”

“Her grandmother!”

“What? You don’t think I can pull it off?”

“Oh, Gran. This sounds like a really bad idea.”

“No, it doesn’t. It sounds like a great idea. Now get up and get ready. No time to waste.”

“Does Prince Dante know?” asked Chase.

“No, he doesn’t. Like I said, Tessa doesn’t trust anyone.”

“Not even her own husband?”

“Hey, I’m just the messenger here, singer boy.”

“What about us?” I asked.

Gran grinned widely.“Surprise! You’re all invited, too!”

“We are?!”

“I told Angela that you’re Odelia’s secret power. That she feels she can’t do a proper job without her cats by her side.”

“Like her talisman?” said Dooley.

“Exactly!” Gran cried. “You’re Odelia’s talisman, so Angela is going to arrange for all of you to be flown out there, too. On a private jet, no less.”

“Do you know what this means?” said Harriet excitedly. “We’re going to see the Queen!”

“And her corgis!” said Brutus.

“Who wants to see a corgi?” I said.

“What’s a corgi, Max?” asked Dooley.

“A dog. The Queen is crazy about them.”

“What are they talking about?” asked Chase.

“They’re talking about the corgis,” said Odelia. “They’re not sure if they’re going to like them.”

“Of course you’re going to like the Queen’s corgis,” said Chase, patting me in an exaggerated fashion. I can always tell a dog person from a cat person. A dog person pats you as if they’re trying to stomp you into the ground. A cat person is gentle and strokes you with delicate movements.I wasn’t going to hold it against him, though. The man was obviously on a learning curve.

Odelia quirked an eyebrow.“Well, then. Looks like we’re going to England.”

We all yipped. Oh, if only I’d known then what I know now!

Chapter 4

Suddenly everything had to move fast. Angela Torrance had insisted there wasn’t a moment to lose, as her daughter was apparently in grave danger, and she needed Odelia and her sleuthing skills in England now, right speedily!

Odelia had already packed her bag, and so had Chase, and she was now thinking about what to bring along for her cats.

“No worries,” said Gran, waving an impatient hand. “Angela said she’d take care of everything.”

“That’s very generous of her,” said Odelia’s mother Marge, who was overseeing proceedings.

“But they need their litter boxes and their favorite food and—”

“What they need is their humans,” said Gran. “The rest will be provided by Tessa. The best of the best of the best. Angela’s words, not mine.”

Chase, who sat following the back-and-forth with an indulgent smile, said,“I like the best of the best of the best.”

“Yeah, the best of the best of the best is good enough for me,” Max agreed.

The doorbell sang out a cheerful tune and Gran got up from the bed on which she’d been lounging. Odelia’s bags were on the floor near the door, and as Gran stomped down the stairs, she announced loudly, “That’ll be Angela!”

“Oh, dear,” said Marge, bringing a worried hand to her face. “Are you sure you want to go through with this, honey?”

“I guess so,” said Odelia, though she had her reservations. Especially about the fact that her grandmother was in charge, which usually spelled disaster.

“This Angela seems like a reasonable enough person,” said Max as he placed his head on his paws.

“She does,” said Odelia. “But we have no idea where we’re going to end up over there.”

“I don’t like the fact that this is all so very secretive,” said Marge.

“Me neither. But Angela says it’s the only way to proceed. She says we can’t trust anyone over there.”

“Not even Prince Dante?” asked Marge.

“Not even Prince Dante.”

“Poor Tessa. I can’t imagine how she must be feeling. You remember Tessa, don’t you, honey? You two used to play so well together.”

“Mom. I was two.”

“Of course you were,” said Marge distractedly. “Everything was different back then, of course. Angela and Jack were still very much in love. This was before he ran off with that waitress. I remember Angela being very upset about the whole thing. And then she found this great job in Vegas and that’s the last I ever heard of her. Well, until the engagement, of course.”

They’d all followed the story of Tessa’s engagement to Prince Dante with interest. An American girl falling in love with an English prince was a story that sparked the imagination of the nation, and the fact that Tessa and her mom had once been neighbors added to the excitement. So Odelia, Marge and Gran had watched the royal wedding live, fighting sleep not to miss a thing.

There was movement on the stairs, and moments later Gran reappeared, followed by Angela Torrance. She was a dark-haired, petite woman with a kind face. She smiled when she saw Marge, opening her arms in greeting.

“Angela!” said Marge warmly. “I’m so glad to see you! How have you been?”

“Well, other than the fact that my daughter is being targeted by some crazy killer I can’t complain,” said Angela with a wry little chuckle.

“I’m so sorry,” said Marge as the two women hugged.

“So how come the story hasn’t been in all the papers?” asked Odelia.

“Tessa deliberately kept it out,” said Angela. “She was fortunate none of the tabloids picked it up. Otherwise it would be all over the news by now.”

“But wouldn’t that be a good thing?” asked Marge. “That way the killer will think twice before he tries again.”

“I’m not so sure about that,” said Angela. “The English tabloids have all turned on her, the poor girl, and they’d probably applaud the killer. In fact they just might offer a reward for him to try again and this time do it right.”

“Oh, my God,” said Marge, shocked by these words.

“Lucky for Tessa she and Dante were the only ones who saw what happened. And one little girl, but she won’t talk. Dante went up the roof to check, and he thinks it was an accident: a stone that must have come loose.”

“But Tessa doesn’t believe that.”

“No, she doesn’t. And neither do I. Stones don’t just drop from the sky. Someone must have used a crowbar to pry it loose and then waited for the right moment to drop it.”

Odelia frowned.“But if Dante says—”

“I don’t believe him, okay? In fact at this point I don’t trust anyone. Not my daughter’s husband, not a single person in his family or his entourage. As far as I’m concerned they’re all out to get her until proven otherwise.”

Odelia was starting to have a bad feeling about this. Angela was more and more coming across as a loose cannon. Surely if Dante said the stone falling was an accident, he was right. Why would he lie about a thing like that?

“Look, the tabloids have created such a frenzied atmosphere…” Angela shook her head. “They’ve turned Tess’s life into a living hell. Everything she does, or says, or even wears—they’re ready to crucify her. It’s a nightmare.”

“But surely Tessa can trust her husband to…” Odelia tried again.

“Don’t get me wrong. I like Prince Dante. He’s a great guy, and theirs is obviously a match made in heaven. But they’ve been fighting. Big rows.”

“Oh, no,” said Marge, who was a romantic soul at heart.

“That doesn’t mean he would try to kill her, though,” said Odelia.

“I don’t know. And that’s where you come in. At this point you’re the only one I can trust. Vesta told me you have experience solving crime, so…”

“I have experience solving crime in Hampton Cove. I’ve never even been to England, so I’m not sure what I’ll be able to accomplish over there.”

“I’m sure you’ll handle yourself magnificently,” said Angela, and rubbed Odelia’s arm encouragingly. She paused. “Look, I can see that you’re skeptical about this. So let me show you something.” She took out her phone. “I told you the only witnesses were Dante and a little girl, right?”

“Uh-huh.”

“The girl just happened to be filming when that stone ball dropped down.” She held up the phone and everyone gathered around to watch. “Look closely.”

Odelia looked closely. The shaky footage showed Tessa, standing in front of a gray stone wall. Suddenly, she looked up, then immediately jumped to the left. Moments later, a large solid object dropped down and the camera panned up. On the wall right over Tessa’s head, a dark figure could fleetingly be seen. One second he was there, the next he was gone.

“Oh, my God,” said Marge.

“Right?” said Angela.

“Did Tessa show this to Dante?”

“She wanted to, but I told her not to. If he’s in cahoots with this stone-pusher, he won’t be happy that his little scheme was thwarted, not to mention that his associate was caught on film. Better to wait and see what he’s up to next. If he’s behind this whole thing, we want to catch himred-handed.”

“What about the girl?”

“Tessa told her not to mention the incident to anyone.”

“Oh, dear,” said Marge. “This is terrible, Angela. Tessa must be terrified.”

“Honey, why do you think I want to get over there lickety-split? My little girl is all alone, not a single ally in her corner. Well, except for her cousin.”

“Her cousin?” asked Odelia.

“Yeah, her real cousin. Nesbit spent his gap year in London, fell in love and married the girl of his dreams a couple of years ago. He’s a cop, and Tessa managed to get him assigned to her security detail. We’re hoping he’ll keep her safe until we arrive.”

What a story, Odelia thought. Poor Tessa. And poor Angela. Now she understood why they were so keen for reinforcements to arrive.

Angela glanced over to the bed.“So those are your famous cats, huh?”

“I wouldn’t exactly call us famous,” said Max, though he was already swelling with pride.

“You write about them all the time,” Angela explained, “so I almost feel like I know them.”

“They’re quite the sleuthhounds,” said Gran. “Or should I say sleuthcats?”

Angela didn’t laugh. Instead, she gave them all a grave look.

“My daughter is in mortal danger,” she said. “Please promise me you’ll do whatever you can to catch this maniac.”

Odelia placed her hand on the woman’s arm and noticed a distinct tremor. She felt for Angela. As a mother it was terrible to have to watch from thousands of miles away what happened to your daughter in a different land—a different world. “I promise I’ll do my absolute level best,” she said.

“Thank you,” said Angela with a grateful smile. “Now let’s go. The jet is fueled and ready to whisk us away to the land of fish and chips.”

Max pricked up his ears.“Fish?”

Odelia smiled. She’d been worried about her cats going on such a long trip, but somehow she had a feeling everything was going to be just fine.

Chapter 5

I hadn’t known what to expect when Odelia told us we were flying to a different continent by airplane. I mean, I’ve seen plenty of planes on TV, and they always seem very enjoyable. You sit together in a cozy space with a slew of pleasant fellow travelers, are served delicious food by smiling flight attendants, and if you’re lucky you get to fall in love with Meg Ryan. If you’re unlucky you end up sitting next to a psychopath who threatens to kill your dad if you don’t do exactly what he says, but Gran had assured us this was rare, and only happens in Hollywood movies featuring Rachel McAdams.

I, for one, had always been curious about flying, even if the prospect of spending long hours in what basically amounts to a steel tube gave me pause. Then again, I’d always known that day would never come, as Odelia is basically a homebody, and so are Gran, Marge and the rest of the fam.

They like Hampton Cove, where they’re born and raised, and don’t venture too far from the homestead and definitely not to other continents. So now that the day had actually come, I greeted it with a mixture of anticipation and trepidation. Anticipation at the chance of being seated next to Meg Ryan’s cat, trepidation at the prospect of spending the flight in the company of Passenger 57 with Wesley Snipes nowhere in sight, if you catch my drift.

As we were driven to the airport by a very kind and buff individual in a Range Rover, Odelia and Chase and Gran made pleasant conversation throughout. They peppered Angela with questions, ranging from her daughter’s diet and workout plan to the place where Tessa and Dante had settled down. Apparently this was some sort of cottage on the outskirts of London, close to a castle. Newtmore Cottage, if I understood correctly.

It struck me as odd. I mean to say, who in their right mind, when in the possession of unlimited funds and a vast real estate portfolio, would want to spend the best years of his or her married life in a dank cottage overrun with newts? I guess that’s the English for you. They are different from the rest of us.

Too bad Angela was there, or I would have bombarded Odelia with questions myself. As it was, we had a strict rule that when in the company of strangers, Odelia didn’t talk to us, and neither did Gran or Marge. You can probably see why. Most people think it strange when other humans start meowing. It often ends in tears and a one-way trip to the looney bin, strapped in a straitjacket. For those of you not in the know, a straitjacket is a special garment wornby those who’ve lost their marbles. Meaning they’re nuts.

The trip to the airport was uneventful, and when we arrived the car was directed to a parking space reserved only for those deserving special treatment. And so, all of a sudden, we’d been transformed into VIPs!

“I think I’m going to like this,” said Dooley.

“I think so, too,” I said as a muscular man in a snazzy suit and sunglasses gestured to a plane that stood waiting on the tarmac. It was small, it was sleek, and it looked absolutely fabulous.

Odelia and the others were chatting with some sort of official-looking individual, handing him their passports and documents. He cast a quick glance over to us, as we sat on the tarmac in our respective pet carriers, and I hoped he wouldn’t tell Odelia we couldn’t come along. Gran had been surfing the internet and had discovered England, on account of the fact that it is an island, has some pretty strict rules about pets being brought into the country, and that we needed to have all of our shots and stuff. The mere mention of the word shots was enough to scare the living daylights out of me, but as it turned out we did have the shots we needed to have, and anyway, Angela had made ‘arrangements’ to make sure we would be allowed into the country.

“Remember that episode with Johnny Depp and his dogs?” asked Harriet now as we sat waiting patiently.

“What episode?” I asked, keeping a keen eye on the person who seemed to have the power to decide our fate.

“Johnny Depp tried to bring his dogs into Australia and when they found out, the politician in charge said he’d murder the dogs if Johnny didn’t remove them immediately. They’re pretty tough on pets in Australia.”

“Oh, my God,” said Dooley. “That’s terrible!”

“So what did Johnny do?” asked Brutus.

“He filmed a video apologizing to the people of Australia for bringing his dogs into the country and then immediately flew them back to the States.”

“I hope the Queen doesn’t ask for us to be murdered,” said Dooley.

“I don’t think so,” I said. “Angela said everything has been arranged.”

“Angela is not the Queen, Max,” said Harriet. “She doesn’t get to decide who lives and who dies.”

“Must be a tough job,” said Brutus. When Harriet shot him a critical look, he added defensively, “Just saying. Deciding who lives or dies? Tough.”

“Does she really get to decide if we live or die?” asked Dooley.

“I think so,” said Harriet. “England is a monarchy, so the Queen has a lot of pull.”

“I’ll bet she would never order her corgis to die, though,” said Dooley. “She loves those corgis. I saw it on TV.”

“I think we need to make friends with the corgis,” I said. “That’s the only way to make sure we don’t get murdered by the Queen. If we make friends with the Queen’s favorite pooches, and get them to vouch for us, we’re in the clear.”

“I ‘m not going to play nice with a bunch of mutts,” said Harriet disdainfully.

“It’s either that or death by execution,” I said. “Your choice.”

“I heard they have peculiar methods of execution,” said Brutus. “Like, the gallows? And the ax? Very medieval. And sometimes they lock people up in a place called the Tower of London. Very creepy place. I’ll bet it has rats.”

I gulped. I did not want to get my head chopped off with an ax. Or get locked up with a bunch of rats for company.“We need to find those corgis and make nice and we need to do it as soon as we arrive,” I said.

“I’ll bet the Queen’s corgis smell of lavender,” said Dooley, apropos of nothing.

“What makes you think so?” I asked distractedly, as thoughts of execution by hanging flashed through my mind.

“I don’t know. The Queen just looks like a lavender type of person to me, and I’ll bet she makes sure her dogs smell nice, like, all the time.”

“You’re probably right,” I agreed. Most mutts smell terrible, but the Queen being a clean and hygienic person would make sure hers smelled wonderful.

“Maybe they smell like roses,” said Harriet.

“Or chocolate pudding,” said Brutus.

And as we all speculated on what the Queen’s corgis smelled like, and thought of ways and means to convince them not to murder us by hanging or removing our heads with an ax, the paperwork seemed to be in order and finally Odelia proceeded in the direction of the airplane, the muscular man stacked our pet carriers onto a trolley and started pushing it in the direction of the plane. It was almost as if we were in bunk beds—a truly novel experience.

“Why do you get to be on top, Max?” lamented Harriet.

“Just happenstance,” I said, though I preferred to be on top. I had a nice view, which I didn’t think Harriet had from down below on the trolley.

“It’s because Max is Odelia’s favorite,” said Brutus, harking back to a theme he likes to return to from time to time.

“I’m not her favorite,” I said. “We’re all her favorite.”

“She likes you more than the rest of,” said Brutus. “Admit it, Max.”

“I’m not admitting any such thing. If anything, she likes me less.”

“And how do you explain that?”

I didn’t. I just wanted to get on top of the argument. “Well…” I began.

“It’s because Max is the oldest,” said Dooley. “Everybody knows humans prefer the youngest child. They spoil it rotten and the same goes for cats.”

“Which would mean that she likes you best,” said Harriet.

“Hey, I guess that’s true,” said Dooley, sounding surprised.

“No, it means she likes me best,” said Brutus. “I’m the last one to join the family, so technically that means I’m the youngest child and I’m the favorite.”

“I like none of you guys best,” Odelia suddenly whispered as she bent down. “I like you all the same. And now will you shut up and enjoy the fun?”

I smiled.“See? She likes us all equally.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Brutus grumbled. “That’s what she wants you to think. She likes me best, and that’s a fact.”

“I’m the youngest,” said Dooley, “so she likes me best.”

“But I’m the prettiest,” said Harriet, “and it’s a proven fact that humans like beautiful babies more than ugly babies. So she likes me best.”

“I’m strong,” said Brutus. “Humans appreciate strength more than beauty.”

And on and on it went. Cats. You can’t live with them. You can’t kill them.

Chapter 6

Like I said, I’d never flown on a plane before, but I’d heard all the horror stories. About cats being locked up in cages in the cargo hold, freezing their tushies off, or being cooked like a lobster. Or even being stowed in the overhead bin only to suffer a claustrophobic episode. So in all honesty I wasn’t exactly looking forward to my first experience as a passenger on an airplane.

On the other hand, the alternative was to stay home with Marge and Tex, and go without my favorite human for an unknown length of time, while she whooped it up over in England, solving crime and having a great time with Chase and Grandma and the lavender-smelling corgis.

So… when you’re forced to choose between the lesser of two evils, what do you do? Tough one, I know. We’d opted to join the adventure, after a unanimous vote. Harriet was the one most keen to take the plunge, as she’d always wanted to travel to London and see the sights—maybe put in some shopping on Bond Street or Harrods or even spend some time being pampered in some of those fancy pet clinics they have over there, where the rich and famous spoil their pets rotten. Though I pointed out to her that those rich and famous more often than not had dogs, not cats. One of those sad facts of life.

“So we’ll be the first,” she said stubbornly. “We’ll be the avant-garde of a new revolution: out with the pampered dogs and in with the pampered cats!”

“Good luck with that,” I said, reminding her she sometimes got seasick riding in the car with Gran.

“That’s because Gran is a terrible driver,” she snapped. “And I happen to have a very sensitive stomach.”

She does have a sensitive stomach. But then she has a sensitive everything.

“I also happen to think I just might have irritable bowel syndrome,” she went on.

“More like irritable person syndrome,” I said with a light laugh. She would have poked me in the snoot but we were still tucked tightly into our carriers.

The muscular man who’d driven the Range Rover now carried us aboard, along with more muscular men who seemed to be part of a group of muscular men. They all looked similar and I was starting to wonder if they were related.

“Who are all these people?” asked Harriet, as our carriers were deposited on the floor of a spacious cabin that did not look like the interior of all of those airplane movies I’d watched over the years. It looked a lot more luxurious.

“I think they work for Angela’s daughter,” said Brutus. “Tessa Torrance probably has lots of people working for her now that she’s a princess.”

“She’s not a princess,” said Harriet. “She’s a duchess. Duchess of Essex.”

“What does a duchess of sex do, Max?” asked Dooley.

“Essex,” Harriet corrected him. “It’s a place in England where they make reality shows. Or at least that’s what Gran told me.”

I studied my surroundings. The plane was nicely furnished, with cream-colored ceilings, cream-colored floors, cream-colored leather seats, and cream-colored tables where presumably cream-colored beakers with cream-colored non-alcoholic beverages would be served once we had liftoff. I searched around for a cream-colored bowl and a cream-colored litter box with cream-colored litter but didn’t immediately spot one. All in good time, right?

Odelia, Chase and Gran had also come aboard, followed by Angela, who was flying over to England with us.

“Who owns this plane?” asked Odelia as she sat down in one of the snazzy seats and made herself comfortable.

I was frankly dying to take a seat myself, as the leather looked soft as butter and particularly inviting. I would have to refrain from digging my claws in, though. One of those habits that’s very hard to kick for a feline.

“It belongs to one of Tessa’s friends,” said Angela. “A friend whose name may or may not start with a C and end with Looney.”

“Mr. Looney?” asked Dooley. “Who’s Mr. Looney?”

But we all ignored him, surprise rendering us temporarily mum. Who wasn’t mum was Odelia’s grandmom. “Oh, my God,” she said, taking a seat next to her granddaughter. “Don’t tell me we’re flying Air Clooney?!”

“Oh, yes, my dear, we are,” said Angela.

“Does Mr. C. Looney know why we’re flying to England?” asked Odelia.

“Tessa told him she needed to bring her mother and a few of her friends to England as soon as possible, and George immediately offered her his plane.”

“Must be nice to have friends like that,” said Chase, and he was right.

The door of the plane had finally closed, and Odelia knelt down next to us to check how we were doing.

“I hate these cages, don’t you?” I said. “Oh, that’s right—presumably you’ve never been confined to a cage. Well, let me tell you, it’s not much fun.”

“I’m sorry about this, Max,” she said. “But rules are rules.”

“Oh, I know all about rules,” I assured her. “Like the rule that in order to be a member of cat choir you have to actually be able to sing.”

“It’s fine,” said Harriet. “If that’s what it takes to fly to England and join high society, I’ll gladly make the sacrifice.”

“I’ll let you out as soon as the captain gives the sign. You can freely walk the cabin after that—or at least until we land.”

“How long until we arrive?” asked Harriet.

“About eight or nine hours,” said Odelia. Then she caught Angela’s curious glance.

“Don’t mind her,” said Gran. “She’s crazy about those cats.”

“Yeah, she pretends to talk to them all the time,” said Chase.

“I totally get it,” said Angela. “I have a Frenchie back home, and we talk up a storm.”

“Why didn’t you bring him along?” asked Odelia.

“He’s old, and doesn’t like to travel as much as he used to. When he was younger I took him everywhere, but now he prefers to stay in his trusted environment.” She glanced down at us. “I’ve never known anyone to travel with cats, though, so that’s definitely a first.”

“We’re all cat ladies,” said Gran. “Me, my daughter and granddaughter.”

“And I’m an honorary cat lady,” Chase quipped.

“That’s what happens to the men in our family,” said Gran. “It’s either join the club or get lost.”

Chase laughed.“It’s true,” he confirmed when Angela quirked a curious eyebrow. “It took some getting used to but now I love them almost as much as Odelia does. They’re the cutest little rascals, aren’t they?”

And with these words he wiggled his fingers at me.

Odelia placed the carrier next to her and strapped it in, while Gran did the same with Dooley’s, and Chase took care of Brutus and Harriet. The pilot announced over the intercom we were cleared by the tower for takeoff, and suddenly my heart started beating so fast I thought it was going to hammer straight through my chest. The engines roared and the plane started moving, then accelerating, with such a mighty roar I suddenly felt awfully faint.

“Max!” Dooley said. “I don’t like this!”

“I don’t like it either, Dooley!” I cried.

“We’re all gonna die!” Brutus said. “This is the end. We’re dead!”

“This is what hell looks like,” said Harriet. “We’ve landed in hell!”

The plane hurtled along the runway, at an ever-increasing speed, the noise thundering in my ears, and then, suddenly and without warning, we had liftoff! Without even realizing it, I was screaming at the top of my voice and so were Dooley, Harriet and Brutus.

“Nervous flyer much?” asked Angela with an amused smile.

Odelia had opened the carrier and now hugged me close.

Gran and Chase followed her example, and I could tell Harriet was digging her claws into Chase’s thighs for he grimaced and gently removed them.

“It’s all right, you guys,” said Odelia. “Everything is fine.”

“Easy for you to say!” I said. “You’re not the one whose guts are being ripped out by Mach speed!”

She laughed.“What do you know about Mach speed?”

“I’ve seenTop Gun! And I don’t feel the need for speed!”

The plane was still climbing, but then gradually leveled off.

“The seatbelt sign is switched off and you can now move freely about,” a sonorous voice boomed through the intercom.

I glanced around as everyone got up and deposited us to the floor.

“Max?” said Dooley.

“Uh-huh?”

“We’re alive!”

I laughed.“Whoo-hoo!”

“You guys!” Harriet cried. “We’re on our way to England!”

“Yes, we are!” I said, relieved to have survived the ordeal.

“We’re going to meet the Queen!” she yipped.

I didn’t know about that, but whoever we were going to meet, it was definitely better than meeting our maker!

Chapter 7

Odelia was checking the shaky footage again of the incident that had led them to board a private jet and fly head over heels to England.

They were well underway, the cats had all settled down on the plush pillows Angela or Mr. C. Looney had been so good to provide, and a flight attendant had brought out snacks for them to nibble on.

Once again she watched as Tessa stood smiling in front of the wall of Newtmore House, as Prince Dante’s voice warned her to watch out! Moments later, Tessa jumped clear of the stone ball that would have crushed her.

“Tessa and Dante were in charge of the annual Summer Show,” Angela explained. “Some kind of county fair, with a bouncy castle for the kids and a band and lots of great food. Ticket sale proceeds go to charity and Tessa especially had spent a lot of time turning it into a success, which it was.”

Odelia replayed the footage. The ball impacted the ground with such force that a dull thud could be heard, followed by Dante rushing in and helping Tessa up.

“If Dante hadn’t yelled for her to jump, she would have been crushed,” said Angela with a grim twist of the lips.

“And you still think he might be behind this,” said Odelia. “That doesn’t make sense, Angela.”

“It does. The way I see it, they just had this big fight over the kind of people he likes to hang out with. Bunch of losers, if you ask me, but he seems reluctant to remove them from his life. Putting Tessa in harm’s way and being the one to save her life would have shifted the balance of powerin the relationship to him.”

“That seems far-fetched.”

Angela threw up her arms.“I don’t know what to think here, okay?”

Odelia studied the fleeting image of the figure on the roof. Unfortunately it was impossible to make out features or even size or gender. Just a dark blob, moving away the moment the camera caught him or her.

“Whoever this is, they took an awfully big risk,” said Odelia.

“I’m sure they were wearing a disguise—a cloak or something.”

“I take it Dante never saw this video?”

“No, he hasn’t.”

“How determined are you to keep this from getting out?” asked Chase.

“Tessa wants to keep it quiet, and I agree. If word got out there was an attempt on her life, all hell would break loose.”

“So maybe that’s a good thing? I mean, someone could have seen something.”

But Angela shook her head.“We want to keep it under wraps. Tessa is not popular as it is, and this would only incite more hatred and all sorts of nastiness. What she’s most afraid of is that a bunch of copycats will pop up and act out other assassination scenarios, this time with fatal consequences.”

“I can’t believe the English people would tolerate that kind of behavior,” said Odelia. “She is married to one of their most popular royals, isn’t she?”

“Oh, I guess she’s popular enough with the people,” Angela agreed. “But she’s hated by the tabloids. They’d twist this into something else entirely.”

“Like what?”

“Oh, I don’t know. They’d probably claim she set this up herself. As a publicity stunt. A way to get attention.”

“No way.”

“Oh, yes. They’re vicious like that.”

“That’s just terrible,” said Odelia.

She couldn’t imagine having to live like that—being openly hated and despised with such intensity and relentlessness. “At least the other royals are there to support her,” she said. And when Angela gave her a dubious look, she said, “They do support her, don’t they?”

“Not really. Her sister-in-law isn’t exactly taken with her, and as far as the rest of the family is concerned—they’re all a bunch of pretty cold fish, if you ask me. They’re not very big on warmth and human affection.”

They all stared at Angela, even the cats.

“Like I said,” Tess’s mother continued with a shrug, “the better policy here is not to trust anyone. Which is exactly what’s keeping Tessa safe right now.”

“So you think they will try again?” asked Odelia.

Angela’s face turned grave. “Oh, they already have.”

“Oh, my God,” said Odelia, bringing a distraught hand to her face.

“Tessa has a habit of drinking a cup of herbal tea before going to bed, and usually she makes it herself—as she has done all her life. Only lately, what with the baby and her busy life, she’s been trusting her staff to handle stuff like that. Last night, when she took a sip from her tea, she noticed a strange taste. Bitter. She immediately thought back to the incident with the stone and my words of caution. So she put down the cup, and poured some tea in a small flask. The rest she dumped down the sink. So when the maid came in later, it looked as if she’d drunk the whole cup. She then asked Nesbit to have it tested. Tessa texted me just before liftoff. The tea was laced with belladonna.”

Odelia’s jaw dropped. “That’s a pretty powerful poison.”

“It is. So do you see what I mean about not trusting anyone? Someone made that tea for her—someone close to her—someone on her own staff.”

“But if they poisoned her tea, who knows what they’ll do next!”

“You have to get her out of there,” said Chase. “You have to get her back to the States and make sure she’s out of harm’s way.”

“But that’s just it. I can’t. She’s married to a prominent royal. She can’t just skedaddle and disappear for a while. She has to carry on as if nothing happened. And that’s where you come in. You’re going to have to be there—on the scene—and find out who’s doing this to her.”

“Are you sure Tessa can trust this Nesbit guy?” asked Odelia.

“He’s the only one she can trust. There’s absolutely no reason for Nesbit to try and hurt his cousin. And it’s good for her to see a friendly face in a sea of hostiles. You have to remember, she’s all alone out there—she left behind her family, her friends, her whole life, to go and live with a person she only met months before, and a bunch of strangers, in a high-tension situation, scrutinized by the world and the world’s toxic media. She’s in a tough spot.”

“And? What has Nesbit learned so far?”

“A lot. For one thing, there’s plenty of people who want her dead. He’s made a list.” She handed a piece of paper to Odelia. “I thought it might help you get started.”

Odelia glanced down at the list. She was surprised to find half a dozen people there.“All of these people want Tessa dead?” she asked.

“Oh, I’m sure there are plenty more, but you have to start somewhere.”

Chapter 8

To our not inconsiderable surprise we weren’t staying in a hotel, or even some faraway cottage located down the road from the royal dwelling, but in the actual royal dwelling itself. Odelia was as surprised as we were when we finally arrived at destination’s end and it turned out to be Newtmore Cottage.

“We’re staying here?” asked Odelia when the car pulled to a stop in front of a slightly weird-looking cottage with a very huge chimney stack on top.

“Yup,” Angela confirmed. “I’ve arranged for you to stay here, so you can keep a close eye on my daughter.”

The car doors opened and the humans all got out. We were still in our pet carriers, which apparently was a precaution our driver had insisted upon. The carriers were taken out of the car and placed on the porch.

The front door opened and a red-bearded young man came out whom I immediately recognized as Prince Dante. He looked extremely pleased to see us.“Angela!” he cried, then threw his arms wide and greeted her with such affection I found it very hard to believe he was the one we were here to nab.

Behind him, a young woman appeared. She was smartly dressed in a white cable-knit sweater and black pants and looked absolutely radiant. She was carrying a baby in her arms, and greeted her mother with genuine warmth. When it came time to greet the rest of us, she didn’t stint either. “Cousin Odelia!” she said and gave Odelia three kisses. “It’s been too long!”

“Yeah, far too long,” Odelia agreed.

“And this must be Chase,” said Tessa, greeting Chase. “I’ve never actually met Odelia’s husband,” she explained for the sake of her own husband.

“Hey there, mate,” said Dante, giving Chase’s hand a vigorous shake.

“And this must be your dear, sweet Gam-Gam,” said Dante, eyeing Gran with a twinkle in his eye. “I’ve heard so much about you, Gam-Gam!”

“Well, ain’t that swell,” said Gran, enduring a hug from the prince.

“It’s been too long, Gam-Gam,” said Tessa now, giving Gran a one-armed hug while hoisting the baby higher against her chest. “How have you been?”

“Oh, can’t complain,” said Gran cautiously.

“And how is Gum Gum?” asked Dante. “Still a dodgy old codger, eh?”

Gran narrowed her eyes at Angela, whom she seemed to blame for this ordeal, then plastered a fake smile on her face.“Gum Gum is great. Still chasing skirts and getting hammered in bars.”

Angela cleared her throat and stepped forward.“Why don’t we show them their rooms? I’m sure they’ll want to get freshened up before going to bed.”

“Going to bed?” asked Gran. “It’s nine o’clock.”

“Midnight here, Gran,” said Odelia. “The time difference?”

“Oh, great,” said Gran. “So they just stole five hours from me?”

“Nobody stole five hours.”

“You’re young—you don’t understand. Wait till you’re my age. Five hours makes a big difference.”

“And these must be your lovely cats,” said Tessa, eyeing me with affection.

“Yup. These are my babies,” said Odelia.

“Odelia has always been a cat lover,” Tessa explained for the sake of Dante. “Even when we were little she would take in strays and feed them behind her mom’s back.”

“That’s me,” said Odelia. “The stray cat lady.”

“We better take them in,” said Gran. “We don’t want them to catch a cold.”

I had to admit it was a little chilly in England, or at least a lot chillier than over in the States. Then again, this was an island, and aren’t islands usually colder than the mainland? Clearly I was ill-prepared for this trip. I should have studied that travel guide more closely!

Everyone filed into the cottage and then… promptly forgot all about us!

“Um… can someone please get us out of these damn boxes!” Brutus yelled.

The car had left, and the cottage door had closed, but we were still out there.

“They forgot about us,” said Harriet, summing up the situation nicely. “Can you believe that?”

“I can believe it,” said Dooley, “because I’m living it.”

“I have to tinkle,” I announced.

“Tinkle in your box,” Brutus suggested.

“I want to tinkle in my litter box.”

“Newsflash, Maxie, baby. They didn’t bring our litter boxes.”

“What do you mean they didn’t bring them? I need my litter box.”

‘They probably want us to tinkle in the bushes,” said Dooley, glancing around. Darkness had fallen and the sounds of the night pierced the silence.

Owls were hooting, twigs were snapping, and critters were scurrying.

Just then, the front door opened and a strange-looking creature shuffled out in our direction. He looked like a dog, but I wasn’t sure he was a dog. He had one of those weird faces, with the snaggleteeth and the flaps of superfluous flesh dangling all over the place. Almost as if he used to have a face at one time but it had gotten scrambled up in a cement mixer somehow.

“So you’re the cats, huh?” said this strange creature.

“That’s right,” I said. “And what are you?”

“I’m Fluffy,” the creature said gruffly.

“What are you exactly, Fluffy?” asked Harriet with a look of distaste.

“I’m a dog, of course. What did you think I was?”

“Oh, I’m not sure,” she said. “Celebrities keep all kinds of weird pets these days.”

The creature laughed loudly, indicating it possessed a sense of humor.“You’re funny, cat!” Then the laughter stopped, and the face was wreathed in a mournful expression. “People have called me ugly. Do you think I’m ugly?”

“Of course not,” I said. “You’re just… special.”

“If you have to know, I’m an English bulldog.”

“Of course you are,” I said.

“Could you do us a favor, Fluffy?” Harriet asked. “Could you go and fetch your master and tell her to get us out of these boxes and into the house?”

“Oh, sure,” Fluffy said, and instantly turned on his heel—or was it her heel?—and returned indoors. There was loud barking, and moments later Odelia came hurrying out.

“I’m so sorry, you guys!” she said. “I must have fallen asleep.”

“Lamest excuse ever,” Brutus growled.

“I know, right? I thought I closed my eyes for only a second but it must have been minutes. Must be that dreadful jet lag.” She quickly opened the snaps on our boxes and finally we were free again!

“I have to tinkle,” I announced. “Please point me to my litter box.”

“You’ll find everything you need inside,” she said with a smile and a pat on my head. “Tessa has made arrangements for you guys and I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.”

We followed her in and then into a room off the kitchen, and the moment I set paw inside I saw she hadn’t lied: four litter boxes stood lined up against one wall, with a row of bowls against the other, and the scent wafting in from those big bowls told me this vacation may not have gotten off to a good start, but from here on out it was only going to get better and better. And better.

Chapter 9

Odelia was impressed with the cottage. When she’d heard the word cottage it had brought to mind something cute and small and romantic, but maybe also a little musty. The first image the word had elicited was the cottage Kate Winslet lived in—and Cameron Diaz moved into—inThe Holiday, still one of her favorite holiday movies. But Tessa and Dante’s home wasn’t so much a cottage but a big house. There were several very spacious bedrooms, a large living space with open kitchen and a large office. The whole thing had been recently renovated, and looked more like an upscale hotel than an old cottage.

It was all very nicely done. The room she and Chase had at their disposal had a luxurious ensuite bathroom, and was itself the size of a small apartment.

Tessa explained that the cottage used to be four different units, where four different people lived. Now it had been converted back into a single-family home with space for guests and family to come and stay when they wanted to.

“This place is amazing,” Odelia told Chase as she tucked a suitcase under the bed. She’d finished unpacking and had time to admire their surroundings.

“Yeah, it definitely beats that tiny cottage Kate Winslet and Cameron Diaz house-swapped inThe holiday,” he said.

“Jinx!” she said. “I love that movie!”

“Yeah, for a chick flick it’s not bad.”

She slapped his shoulder and together they rolled onto the big bed. It was one of those boxspring affairs she loved so much, and the sheets were high-thread-count Egyptian cotton.“So how are we going to do this?” she asked.

“Well, obviously we’re going to have to be very circumspect,” he said, placing his hands behind his head. “If no one is supposed to know about what’s going on here, it’s going to make our work that much harder.”

Chase was a cop, and for a cop things were pretty straightforward. You identify your list of suspects, you interrogate those suspects, and you try to figure out the truth. When you’ve selected the most likely suspect, you lean on them until they fess up and that’s it. The rest is up to the legal system.

Here, Chase couldn’t drag suspects into rooms with one-way mirrors. Subtlety was the name of the game, something he wasn’t very adapt in.

Max came padding into the room.“This place is awesome,” he announced.

“Yeah, awesome,” Dooley confirmed, padding in right behind his friend.

“What are they saying?” asked Chase.

“They’re saying they like it here. The exact word is ‘awesome.’”

Chase grinned.“They took the words right out of my mouth. This place is like a five-star hotel, only better.”

A maid tapped politely on the door.“Will there be anything else, Miss Poole?” she asked.

“No, we’re good,” said Odelia. Then, when the young woman made signs of retreating discreetly, she quickly added, “Or wait—maybe there’s one thing.”

“Yes, Miss Poole?”

The maid was young and pretty, with long auburn hair and hazel eyes. She wouldn’t have looked out of place in a Richard Curtis movie, where the prime minister falls in love with his secretary, or the bestseller writer with his maid.

“Have you worked here long, Miss…”

“Suzy,” said the girl. “I’ve been with the Duke and Duchess six months now, Ma’am,” she said deferentially.

“And do you like working for my cousin?” asked Odelia, trying to keep things casual and not make it sound like an interrogation.

“Oh, yes, Miss Poole.”

“Please call me Odelia,” said Odelia.

“They’re a wonderful couple. A breath of fresh air,” said the girl, enthusiasm making her face light up. “I was with the Baroness Emilia Hartford before, and she was… quite demanding.”

“More demanding than Tessa and Dante, I suppose?”

“Oh, yes,” said the girl with a smile. “Very much so. The Duke and Duchess are very disciplined, with a lot going on in their lives, but they never take it out on their staff.”

“Angela told me there are a lot of people that don’t seem to like Tessa all that much,” said Odelia, trying to inject a note of cousinly concern into her voice. “I don’t suppose you’ve noticed any of that here, have you?”

“Oh, but everyone loves her,” said the girl, eyes wide and innocent. “She’s so wonderful, so elegant, so amazing in every way. The people who say bad things about her should be ashamed of themselves. They don’t know her the way that I do.” She clasped a hand to her face. “I didn’t mean to sound so…”

“No, that’s fine. I’m just worried about my cousin, that’s all. And if there’s anyone out there who means her harm, I think it’s important to know.”

“Of course.”

“In America we have a lot of crackpots,” Chase explained. “Nutjobs who wouldn’t hesitate to take a potshot at a celebrity like Tessa. It’s so great that you don’t have that kind of thing going on over here.”

“Oh, but we do. I’ve heard people say nasty things about the Duchess. Whenever I hear a comment like that I always remind them the Duke is very lucky to have her, and so are we. Before he met her, the Duke was a little bit of a wild child. A real party prince. He used to get into so much trouble.” She smiled shyly. “I’m sorry. I probably shouldn’t say things like that.”

“Oh, no, that’s fine. I think it’s great that you defend them like that,” said Odelia. “So the people who say these bad things, are they here in the house?”

Suzy darted a quick look behind her, then lowered her voice.“Cook says the most horrible things behind the Duchess’s back.”

“What kind of things?”

“Don’t tell her I said this, but she told me she thinks the Duchess is entirely too arrogant for her own good and someone should teach her a lesson.”

“The cook said that?”

Suzy nodded.“She thinks the Duchess doesn’t appreciate her. She also says the Duke was much better off without her, and I always tell her that’s a lie. The Duke has finally become a man. Before, he was just a boy. A very silly boy.” She smiled “And now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go check on theothers.”

“Of course,” said Odelia. “Thanks, Suzy. And don’t worry. Whatever you tell me stays between us, all right?”

Suzy gave her a quick nod and then scooted off, obviously embarrassed about the things she’d allowed herself to divulge to a total stranger.

Odelia turned to Chase.“So the cook, huh?”

“It’s always the cook that did it,” he said laconically. “Or is it the butler?”

Chapter 10

Dooley and I were sneaking down the corridor. We were on a mission—a mission of the utmost importance. I was feeling like one of those soldiers who are tasked with the smuggling of important letters or instructions across enemy lines. Only the enemy lines in this particular place weren’t that easy to pinpoint. The enemy was an unknown, and he or she could strike at any moment. I, for one, couldn’t understand how Tessa could remain so calm under the circumstances. If someone was trying to kill me by dropping stones on my head and poisoning my tea I’d probably freak out and run for the hills.

But here she was, bravely staying put and facing her attacker.

We finally arrived at Tessa and Dante’s room, and I saw we were in luck: the door was ajar. So we snuck inside and proceeded into the room. Like Odelia’s and Chase’s, this had once been the province of a single staff member, and had since been turned into spacious and comfortable lodgings for the royal couple. A connecting door led to what I assumed was the nursery, as I could hear baby noises. Tessa and Dante were in there, a TV playing in the bedroom.

The target of our mission wasn’t present, though—or at least not as far as I could tell from a first cursory examination of the room. And then I saw him—or her? Fluffy was lounging in an overstuffed chair, intently watching the screen, where the news of the day was playing. An earthquake in Turkey, an oil spill in the Gulf, and war in West-Africa. Not much news on the news.

“Psst,” I whispered.

“Psst,” Dooley echoed.

“Hey. You. Dog.”

“Fluffy!”

The English bulldog looked down and studied us with interest.

“What’s up?” I asked.

“As you can see I’m working on my general education. What’s up with you? And why are you whispering?”

“We wanted to have a quick word before everyone retired for the night.”

“Oh, of course. What do you want to talk about? The weather? The economy? Or would you prefer some gossip hot from the gossip mill?”

“I’ll have some gossip hot from the gossip mill please,” said Dooley.

“Please be quiet, Dooley,” I said. “Let me handle the negotiations.”

“Oh, all right,” Dooley said, and plunked himself down in front of the TV.

“I don’t know if anybody has told you this,” I began, “but Odelia is not actually a cousin of Tessa’s. In fact they’re no relation at all.”

“Oh?” said the dog, visibly intrigued by this denouement.

“Odelia is an amateur sleuth, and Chase is a cop. They’re here to investigate an incident that took place when a rock almost fell on top of Tessa.”

“By the way,” said Dooley. “Are you a boy or a girl, Fluffy?”

“A girl, of course. Can’t you tell?”

Dooley shook his head.“Not really.”

Subtlety has never been Dooley’s strong suit.

“Anyway,” I said, trying to get the conversation back on track. “So about that incident with the ball of stone dropping down from a great height…”

Fluffy shivered.“Oh, I was there. It was horrible. Absolutely ghastly.”

“I can only imagine. And the tea incident? Were you there for that as well?”

She nodded slowly.“How do you know about all this?”

“We have our sources,” said Dooley. “And I’m afraid they’re classified.”

“No, they’re not,” I said, hoping Dooley would stop sabotaging the investigation. “Our source is Angela. She and Tessa are trying to figure out what’s going on.”

“What’s going on is that someone is trying to murder my human, cat.”

“You can call me Max.”

“And I’m Dooley,” said Dooley, in case Fluffy hadn’t caught on.

“So… if your human is an amateur sleuth, does that make you cat sleuths?”

“That’s classified,” said Dooley.

“No, it’s not. Yes, we are cat sleuths. We help Odelia solve murders and other crimes. By going where no human has gone before.”

“Mars?”

“Places where humans don’t usually go, like back alleys, and the nooks and crannies where only strange creatures stir.” And strange dogs.

“You make it sound so exciting,” said Fluffy.

“Well, it is. And dangerous, of course,” I said. “You wouldn’t believe how many dangers my fellow cats and I have braved to help our dear human.”

Okay, so maybe I was laying it on a bit thick, but I like to think I was doing it in service of my mission: to get this mutt’s full participation.

“So what do you want me to do?” Fluffy asked.

“I want you to think hard and tell me who might be behind these attacks.”

She thought hard, judging from the wrinkles on her face—well, more wrinkles than usual, I mean.

“The stone,” I said when nothing seemed forthcoming. “Think back to that stone dropping. Did you see anyone on the roof? Pushing that stone down?”

She shook her head, eyes squeezed tightly shut now.“I only had eyes for my human, and that horrible stone that nearly crushed her to death.”

“So you didn’t look up?”

She shook her head again.

“What about the tea?”

“What about the tea?”

“Do you like tea?” asked Dooley.

“Not particularly, no,” said the dog.

“Oh. I thought, you being English and all, you’d love tea.”

“Dooley,” I said warningly.

“Just establishing Fluffy’s frame of mind,” said Dooley.

I tamped down a groan.“Tessa was given a cup of tea laced with Belladonna. Do you have any idea who might have poured her that tea?”

“Cook,” Fluffy said instantly. “That’s the only person I can think of.”

Now we were getting somewhere.

“Who brought her the tea?”

“Suzy. The maid.”

“She could have dumped that poison in.”

“She seems like a nice person, this Suzy,” Dooley commented. “Just saying,” he added when I gave him a censorious look.

“She is nice,” Fluffy agreed. “Which is why she would never poison Tessa’s tea. Suzy is devoted to Tessa.”

“See?” said Dooley. “She has a nice face. Not the face of a killer.”

“And how would you know what a killer’s face looks like?” I asked.

“Killers are mean—they have mean faces. Suzy has a nice face.”

There was no arguing with Dooley, so I decided to ignore him.“What about this cook person?” I asked.

“Yes, well. Cook doesn’t like Tessa. Never has. Whenever I’m in the kitchen prancing around all she does is complain about Tessa. On and on it goes. Quite galling. Not at all pleasant to hear someone badmouth your human like that.”

“What does she say?”

“That Tessa is arrogant, thinks she knows best, always interferes with her work—Cook’s work, I mean. Tessa has very particular ideas about the food she eats. What she considers healthy choices. So she gives precise instructions what to cook for her and Dante. In fact she’s in the kitchen all the time, trying out new recipes, using the blender to make green smoothies for herself and her husband, experimenting with different ingredients and recipes.”

“And Cook doesn’t like that.”

“Oh, she hates it. Says she’s never worked for anyone as prissy and utterly demanding as Tessa, which I’m sure is simply not true.”

“Do you think she hates her enough to try and murder her?”

Fluffy thought hard again, screwing up her face so much her nose disappeared between her eyebrows, then reemerged when she opened her mouth to speak.“I’m not sure,” she said finally. “I’ve seen my fair share of Sherlock Holmes on TV, and even Father Brown. But it’s hard to determine who the killer is, if you can’t actually see them do it, if you see what I mean.”

“Those TV detectives are all very clever,” I agreed. “In real life it’s a lot harder to figure out whodunit.”

“Exactly. They make it look so easy.”

“They do make it look easy,” said Dooley. “Like Aurora Teagarden. I like Aurora Teagarden,” he explained. “She’s a librarian and she’s very pretty.”

Fluffy and I waited for him to tell us more about Aurora Teagarden and why he liked her so much but this seemed to be the extent of his remarks on the subject. So I thanked Fluffy, figuring I’d elicited all the information I could expect, and would have retreated back to the safety of Odelia’s room if Dante hadn’t waltzed in from the nursery and closed the door, cutting off our line of retreat!

“I can’t believe this!” he was shouting. “You do this every time!”

“Keep your voice down! You’ll wake up Silvy!” Tessa hissed.

Oh, heck. We’d just landed ourselves in the middle of a domestic dispute!

Chapter 11

Dooley and I had crawled under the sofa, not wanting to be seen trespassing, and had a worm’s-eye view of both Fluffy and the quarreling couple. Fluffy, who seemed to have resigned herself to the quarrel, watched the news, from time to time darting an anxious look at her owners, then down to us, as if to say: ‘Can you believe this?’

I could—even though I didn’t want to!

“Oh, this is rich,” said Dante once Tessa had closed to the door to the nursery. “First you tell me I can’t go to the pub and now you’re telling me I can’t even invite a mate over for a quiet drink? You’re too much, Tessa.”

“You know as well as I do that it won’t be quiet for very long when Damien drops by.”

“I never see the bloke anymore!”

“You told me yourself you needed to grow up. That things were different now that Silvy is in our lives. That Damien doesn’t fit with the Dante you want to be.”

“He’s been my best mate since we were kids!”

“So go and see him! But not at the pub. You know what people will say.”

“People talk regardless of what I do. So do I have to stay cooped up in here for the rest of my life? I didn’t sign up to be a recluse, Tessa. I’m too young to turn into one of those long-bearded blokes who shuffle around in their PJs with crumbs caked to their face and hair growing out of every orifice.”

Tessa stared at him for a moment, then couldn’t keep a straight face and neither could he. They both burst out laughing, and soon were wiping away tears.

“Are they crying now?” asked Dooley.

“They’re tears of laughter,” I explained.

“I don’t get it. Can you laugh and cry at the same time?”

“Humans can. They laugh so hard they get teary-eyed. It’s true,” I added when he gave me a skeptical look.

“It’s true,” Fluffy said from the couch. “Humans are weird.”

That, they definitely were.

“I’m sorry,” said Dante. “But the beard thing could actually happen.”

“I know, right!” said Tessa. “It could happen to me, too. You’d have a bearded lady for a wife.”

“I like to think I’d love you even if you did grow a beard,” he said, taking her into his arms.

She put up a token resistance, then said, grinning,“I think I’d rather fancy you with a beard.”

“One of them long and tangled ones?”

“With the crumbs tacked to your face.”

“Oh, puh-lease,” said Fluffy, but to Dante and Tessa it must have sounded like a bark, for they both looked up and laughed.

“See?” said Tessa. “Even Fluffy thinks you should grow a beard.”

“Oh, no, I don’t,” said Fluffy. “I hate bearded blokes. So tickly.”

“Maybe I will,” said Dante.

“Please don’t!” said Fluffy.

“Is that a threat or a promise?” asked Tessa.

“I meant it as a threat, actually.”

“To me it sounded like a promise.”

Kissing ensued, as it invariably does in these types of situations, and Dooley and I turned away, as did Fluffy. Us pets aren’t into mushiness.

“Dante doesn’t look like a man trying to murder his wife,” said Dooley, and for once I had to admit he’d hit the nail on the head. Unless Dante was a great actor, he genuinely appeared to love his wife.

“I think we can remove Dante from our list of suspects,” I said.

From the next room, crying could be heard, and both parents hurried over.

We could have used this as our chance to escape, if only the door hadn’t been closed shut. And from where we sat, I didn’t see any other means of escape, either.

“Psst,” said Fluffy suddenly.

“We’re stuck here!” I told her.

“I know! I have an idea!”

She then started barking loudly, jumped down from the couch and moved to the door. The barking intensified, and was now accompanied by a frenzied scratching of the door.

“All right, all right,” said Dante, as he came running. “Gotta go, sweetie?”

“Yes, please,” said Fluffy.

Dante grabbed a leash from the credenza, hooked it into Fluffy’s collar, and opened the door.

Fluffy turned to us and winked, indicating this was our chance!

So we took it. Moving like the wind—or at least two cats intent on escaping—we were through that door and out into the living area like a flash!

“Thanks, Fluffy!” I yelled over my shoulder.

“Yes, thank you so much, Fluffy!” Dooley chimed in.

“You’re welcome!” the dog yelled back.

“Was that… a cat?” I could hear Dante ask.

To which Fluffy replied,“I didn’t see nothing.”

And we were going well and moving in the direction of Odelia’s room when suddenly I collided heavily with an immovable object. The immovable object turned out to be a large lady, who suddenly bent down and picked me up by the front legs, so that the rest of my not inconsiderable corpus was left dangling. Not a pleasant position to be in, let me assure you!

“And what do we have here?” she asked sternly. I was face to face with the woman now, and I was reminded of Dante’s joke about growing a long and tangled beard. This woman did have a beard, and a mustache, too. Neither of them was particularly long or tangled but they were still there. “Outwith you lot,” she grumbled, and hoisted me in the direction of the door.

“Hey, no!” I said. “I’m an honored guest here.”

“Max?” said Dooley. “Where is that woman taking you?”

Of course she didn’t understand me. She was one of those people who seem to think that cats belong out on the street and have no business being inside the house.

So she opened the door and threw me out. Actually threw me out! Then she returned to grab Dooley by the scruff of the neck and repeated the procedure. Quick as a flash, I tried to return indoors, but she blocked my passage, snapping,“Cats don’t belong in the house. Now bugger off.”

And then she slammed the door in our faces!

Chapter 12

There was a tap at the door and Odelia went to open it. She was surprised to find none other than Tessa standing before her.“Can I come in?” she asked.

The newly-minted royal looked anxious, Odelia thought, and nervous.

“Of course,” said Odelia. “This is your house.”

Tessa nodded and quickly closed the door behind her.“So?” she asked. “Any news?”

Chase, who’d been channel-surfing and had finally decided to watch sports on ITV, walked over. “Hey, cousin,” he said.

Tessa grimaced. She clearly was not in the mood for levity.“I’m sorry, but I’m so nervous I can’t think straight. My heart is beating a mile a minute, like, all the time. And the worst part? That I have to lie to Dante about all this.”

“Your mother seems to feel very strongly about him,” said Odelia.

“She does. I’ve told her already that Dante can’t be behind this—he just can’t—but she doesn’t believe me. She feels that it’s better not to tell him anything. And it’s killing me!”

“I can only imagine,” said Odelia. If she suspected Chase of wanting to kill her she’d probably feel exactly the way Tessa did right now.

“So who are your suspects?”

“Well, we have the list your mother gave us,” said Odelia, handing Tessa the list. “Your cousin Nesbit drew it up.”

Tessa stifled a shocked cry.“This is every single person I’ve been in contact with. My cook, housekeeper, maid, assistant, Dante… Wait, what is the Queen doing on this list?”

“That was Angela’s addition. She feels the Queen doesn’t like you all that much, and might have gotten it into her nut to have you bumped off. Her words, not mine.”

“She thinks the Queen wants to make your death look like an accident,” said Chase.

Tessa shook her head.“I don’t believe this. The Queen has been nothing but kind to me. I can’t believe she’d want to have me crushed or poisoned.”

“Who’s Damien Card?” asked Odelia, indicating suspect number five.

“Dante’s oldest friend. I guess the logic is that Damien thinks I stole Dante from him. And in a sense that’s true. Ever since we got married Dante hasn’t spent as much time with his old chums as he used to. But that’s not my fault. That’s because Dante has been busy with other stuff. Like becoming a father for the first time. And it’s a little weird for a father to drink himself into a coma or to get arrested for stealing a constable’s helmet and tie it to a church spire.”

Odelia gave the Duchess a questioning look.“Boys will be boys?”

“Apparently that’s the kind of stuff Dante was up to before we met. Before he turned into a responsible husband and father.”

“Which is why Damien is upset with you,” Chase said.

“I guess. But it’s hardly a reason to try and kill me. Though I suppose it could be true. Damien is a spoiled rich kid. Very immature and peevish.”

“I talked to Suzy,” said Odelia. “She said Cook speaks very harshly of you. Doesn’t like you meddling with her cooking.”

Tessa nodded.“I know. She hates it. I’d fire her and do everything myself—it would spare me the aggravation of having to deal with her grumpiness and her constant badgering. Unfortunately I just don’t have the time.”

“You could always hire another cook,” Chase suggested. “One that doesn’t try to kill you.”

Tessa smiled.“Carolyn may not like me very much, but I hardly think that’s a reason to kill me.”

“She did make the tea that was poisoned,” Odelia reminded her.

“And Suzy brought me that tea,” said Tessa. “After it had been standing on the kitchen counter for God knows how long. It was almost cold by the time I got it.”

“Which means anyone with access to the kitchen could have dumped in the Belladonna,” said Odelia.

“We need to talk to this Carolyn person,” said Chase.

“Oh, this is all so frustrating,” Tessa groaned with an irritated shrug. “If only we could have this out in the open, so the police could come in and properly question everyone. Look for potential witnesses. That sort of thing.”

“Why don’t you?” asked Odelia.

Tessa threw up her arms.“Mom’s idea, and she does have a point. There’s thisthing going on in the media right now. A regular shit storm. And I’m right in the middle of it. They invent story after story, making me look like evil incarnate. They’d probably claim I invented this whole murder story just so I could get attention. It would be amazingly awkward and embarrassing to the royal family, and put Dante in a really tough spot.” She shook her head. “No, we need to be very discreet about this. Nothing can leak to the media or the Queen will kick me out of the family for good, royal baby or not.”

“So the cook, the maid, the best friend… How about your housekeeper? Does she have a reason to want to get rid of you?”

“I suppose,” said Tessa. “She claims I stick my nose where it doesn’t belong. But it’s my household, after all, and I have very particular ideas about what I want and don’t want.”

“And so does she.”

“So does she,” Tessa confirmed. “Which means we don’t always see eye to eye.”

“And what does Dante think about all of this?”

“He doesn’t get involved. He’s actually used to this sort of thing. His mom had very particular ideas, too, and so does his grandmother, obviously. He’ll always back me up, but he doesn’t want to come across all heavy-handed either. He likes to keep the peace, and hates to make a big fussover things.”

“Tough spot to be in, for you,” said Odelia.

“You have no idea,” said Tessa, crinkling her brow. “It’s been a tough couple of months. Everything I say is misinterpreted, whatever I do is wrong, and wherever I go I’m gawked at as if I’m some kind of circus freak.”

“At least the people still support you. Angela says you’re popular.”

“Yes, but for how long? Their minds are poisoned and they’re being set up against me. And who are they going to believe? The media that writes garbage about me every single day, or me, who can’t say a word in my own defense? Dante says I shouldn’t take it personally. He says it’s a kind of hazing thing the English press do with every single person who marries into The Firm.”

“The what?”

She smiled.“The royal family, also known as The Firm.” She sighed. “I’m not so sure, though. I talked to Dante’s aunt the other day, and she says she’s never seen it being played so rough and so vicious. She thinks it might have something to do with the fact that I’m not English born.”

“Or the fact that you’re a charming, intelligent, attractive and outspoken young woman,” said Chase, which earned him a laugh from Tessa and a smile from Odelia.

“Thanks,” said Tessa. “It’s nice to know that there are still some people in the world who don’t think I’m the worst thing to happen to this country.”

“Let’s focus on finding the person trying to kill you,” said Odelia. “Speaking of which, what do your protection people say?”

“Well, my cousin says it must be someone with access to my schedule, so presumably someone in my inner circle. For instance the fact that I was going to be at the Newtmore Summer Show at that exact time.”

“Who would have known about that?”

Tessa held up the list.“Everyone on this list, and the people on my protection detail, of course.”

“Could they be behind this?”

“Oh, I don’t think so. My cousin vouches for them. They’ve all worked for the royal family for so long—they’re really devoted.”

“That could be the reason they’re doing this.”

“If they see me as a threat to the monarchy, you mean.”

“Exactly.”

Tessa blinked.“If that’s the case, then this list isn’t nearly long enough. There are probably thousands of people who wish me harm right now—maybe millions.”

Chapter 13

I didn’t mind being locked out. What I did mind was being locked out in an environment that was basically unknown to me. No familiar faces here, or even familiar sounds of the night. No, it was all very new and frankly a little scary. So I did what any sensible cat would do: I cleared my throat and politely asked, “Um, could anyone please let us in?”

“Yes, please,” echoed Dooley. “I would like to go to bed now.”

When that didn’t seem to yield immediate results, we tried a different tack: we both started yowling—loudly! Unfortunately Baby Silvy chose this exact moment to start yowling, too. And as much as it pains me to admit it: she beat us squarely in the yowling department. Apparently we have much to learn, and Silvy was leading the way. So our yowling was drowned out by the noise of the royal baby, and we had to pursue other avenues to resolve our situation.

We checked the house for a possible means of egress. And that’s when I saw it—or, rather, him. A man was sitting in a car, parked nearby, with one of those very large cameras obscuring a large part of his face, shooting pictures of the house. I could hear the shutter going clickety-click as he did.

“Who’s that, Max?” asked Dooley.

“That’s a paparazzo, Dooley.”

“What’s a paparazzo?”

“It’s a kind of parasite. It breeds on other humans, sucking their lifeblood.”

“Nasty things.

“Very nasty,” I agreed.

“Is he taking our picture, you think?”

I darted a quick look at the house, and realized he wasn’t. Through the window, Tessa’s profile was outlined. She was holding Silvy, consoling her.

“Bad paparazzo,” said Dooley, who’d noticed the same thing.

“Very bad indeed,” I said. Taking snapshots of a private scene for the sole purpose of exploiting it for monetary gain.

And Prince Dante must have had the exact same thought, for at that moment he returned from his walk with Fluffy and spotted the man sitting in front of his cottage.

“Hey!” he bellowed. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

The man, caught, instantly started up his engine. In response, Fluffy started yapping like a mad dog, and then, before Dante could stop her, launched herself through the open window of the car and onto the paparazzo, who was making frantic efforts of putting his car in gear and driving away.

The man yelped in dismay as the thirty-pound English bulldog landed in his lap, and the next moment the car lurched forward, the dog still inside, with Dante running after it, yelling and screaming all the while for the car to stop.

It was pandemonium out there, and just as I wondered what had happened to all the security people who were supposedly guarding the royal couple, a burly man came running out of the house, still clutching a sandwich, took one look at the Prince, racing after the car, and went in pursuit, sticking a finger of his free hand into his ear for some reason and yelling to himself.

Instantly, three more men came running out of the house, and now the gag was complete: the paparazzo was obviously in the lead, with Dante right on his heels, and four security people chasing after him. It would have been funny if it hadn’t been so serious, and I really felt for Fluffy, being abducted like this without a moment’s notice.

I would have run after the group, if I had the kind of body made for exertion. As it is, I’m more of an intellectual than an action hero. Dooley obviously felt the same way, for he stayed put right next to me.

The door flew open once more, and disgorged even more people: Tessa, cradling the baby, Odelia, Chase, Angela, and some of the household staff, who apparently worked long hours. All of them started running in the same direction the others had gone, except for Tessa, who had the baby to contend with. Harriet and Brutus were the next ones to emerge from the house, and joined us in staring after the strange nocturnal fitness activity.

“What’s going on?” asked Brutus.

“A paparazzo was taking pictures of Tessa, and when Dante saw it, he decided to put a stop to it. Oh, and Fluffy jumped into the car and the paparazzi drove off with her, so there’s that to take into consideration.”

“Terrible business,” said Brutus. “Do you think the paparazzo is the one who tried to kill Tessa?”

“I doubt it. You can’t kill a person by taking their picture.”

“There are some people who believe that you can,” said Harriet. “They believe that by taking your picture, they control you. That’s why some people never want their picture taken, so no one can do them any harm.”

Dooley shivered.“Creepy,” he said. “Imagine someone takes your picture and decides to do all sorts of bad things with it. I don’t think I’d like that.”

“I don’t understand how he was allowed to get this close to the house,” said Brutus. “Aren’t they supposed to have a security perimeter?”

“I guess royal security isn’t all it’s cracked up to be,” I said.

“Or maybe the English are more loosey-goosey when it comes to security.”

From the house, Gran now emerged.“What’s going on?” she asked.

I repeated my brief summary of recent events, and she tsk-tsked freely.

“Bad business,” she said. “If those damn paps can get this close to the house, anyone can.” She pushed at her white curls, which were a little lopsided. She’d obviously been sleeping when the ruckus erupted.

“Do you think that a person can gain control over you by taking your picture, Gran?” asked Dooley. He seemed worried now, after learning about this new and hitherto unknown-to-him potential threat.

“No, I don’t,” said Gran. “If that were the case, all the politicians, celebrities, and people in the public eye would be under the control of the millions of people who look at their pictures. Heck, I had a picture of Rock Hudson on my wall for ages, hoping one day he’d happen to be in town and swing by. Do you think he ever did? Nah, don’t you believe that crap.”

“It’s like voodoo,” Harriet insisted. “Where they put a pin in a little doll?”

“Rubbish,” said Gran decidedly.

She seemed to know what she was talking about, almost as if she’d had her likeness turned into a doll and had strange people put pins in them all her life.

Just then, the paparazzo’s car came driving back up the road, only this time with Prince Dante behind the wheel. A long procession followed, including but not limited to Chase, Odelia, four security people, and… the pap, hands tied in front of him with plastic handcuffs. Waddling behind them was Fluffy, who looked particularly pleased with herself. She had a piece of cloth clasped between her teeth, which was an exact match for the hole in the pap’s pants.

It was a great night for a good dog.

Chapter 14

“I have every right to be here,” said the man, looking particularly cross that Fluffy had bitten him in the ass. “And you have no right to detain me—or to confiscate my camera and destroy the images I shot!”

The security people had parked the man’s car, and were now taking a crack at the paparazzo. The police had been called, and they’d be there soon.

“Who is he?” asked Odelia as she found herself standing next to Tessa and her mother.

“Otis Robins. He’s a famous reporter,” said Tessa. “He has his own show on television and everything, and he writes for one of the big tabloids.”

“So what was he doing out here, taking pictures of you?”

“He says his regular photographer bailed on him so he decided to take his place. He’s doing a series of articles on me and this appears to be part of it.”

“Major-league jerk, if you ask me,” said Angela, who glowered at the man.

“Yeah, he’s leading the charge against me,” said Tessa. “Must hate me something pretty bad.”

“So what did you ever do to him that makes him hate you so much?” asked Odelia.

“Beats me. I never met the man before in my life.”

“You married a prince,” said Angela. “These islanders always react viciously when an outsider moves in and sweeps up one of their own.”

“Or maybe his daughter had a crush on Dante and really wanted to marry him,” Odelia suggested.

“From the way he’s acting, you could very well be right,” said Tessa.

The reporter and Dante stood toe to toe, with the Duke shouting that the man was out of line and would pay dearly for this breach of privacy.

“Who cares a sod about your privacy?!” Otis Robbins yelled, his face red and the veins at his temples throbbing furiously. “You’re a public person—you have no privacy!”

“See?” said Tessa. “This is what I have to deal with. And all because I happened to fall in love with a sweet and gentle guy.”

“Tough,” said Odelia as she watched the reporter closely. “So could he be the one trying to kill you?”

“Who knows?” said Tessa. “I’m starting to think they’re all out to get me.”

“At least you have your security people,” said Angela, squeezing her daughter’s arm. “I think they’ll be more vigilant from now on.”

“I hope so. They haven’t exactly done a great job so far.”

“Maybe you should talk to the police,” Odelia suggested. “Tell them about the stone thing, and the poisoned tea. They have resources we don’t. And they can protect you and put the word out. The killer will probably think twice before trying again if he or she knows that the police are onto them.”

“Out of the question,” said Angela. “Tess’s position is iffy as it is. If the public became aware there’s a killer out to get her, there will be a big scandal. The Queen will personally kick her out of the family and the country.”

“Dante would never allow that,” said Odelia.

“Dante would have to choose between staying married to my daughter or having a place in the royal family.”

“The Queen would never do that.”

“Oh, yes, she would. There’s a precedent. The Queen’s uncle married an American widow and was forced to abdicate and was pretty much ostracized.”

“That was a long time ago,” said Odelia. “The times have changed.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure. A murder scandal? That’s the last thing this family needs. No, this has to stay under wraps. It absolutely must. Right, Tessa?”

Tessa nodded distractedly. She was pale, Odelia thought, the whole thing clearly getting under the young woman’s skin. Which wasn’t surprising.

“Okay, fine,” she said. “Chase and I will figure it out.” And the cats, she thought. Though so far they didn’t have a lot to go on. Then again, they’d only been there for a couple of hours.

“Tomorrow I have an important speech I need to give in town,” said Tessa. “Will you join me? It would mean a lot if you did. And you, of course, Mom.”

“We will be there,” said Odelia.

“Of course, honey,” said Angela. “I won’t leave your side for a second.”

“Thanks—and sorry about all of this. When I got married to Dante I never dreamed…” She stifled a muted sob.

“Oh, honey,” said Angela, rubbing her daughter’s back. “You couldn’t have known things would get so bad.”

Tessa nodded, and the three women stared at the reporter, who was still defending his constitutional right to take pictures of a royal, for his own benefit and that of his bank account.

Despicable man, Odelia thought. How could he live with himself? He didn’t look like a murderer, though. But when she thought that camera he aimed at Tessa and the baby could very well have been a gun, she shivered.

“You really need to talk to your cousin,” she said. “This should never have been allowed to happen.”

“I will,” said Tessa. “For the sake of Silvy, this absolutely can’t happen again.”

As if she understood, Silvy sneezed, and the three women smiled. At least there was one little ray of sunshine in Tessa’s life.

Chapter 15

The house was quiet and not a creature stirred except for four cats and, possibly, one dog. Though I imagined Fluffy was sleeping contentedly, that swath of fabric she’d ripped from the reporter’s pants between her paws.

Odelia had left the door to the room open, so we could come and go as we pleased. She would have done the same with the window that led out to a wraparound terrace but that wouldn’t have been wise. Besides, all the windows had security locks on them, and they were all connected to the security system that fed into the security room at the back of the house, where activity had been ramped up after the disastrous incident with the reporter.

Odelia and Chase were watching an interview with that very same reporter, where the man railed virulently against Tessa and demanded she‘fall in line or bugger the hell off,’ which apparently meant she had to go away.

“British English is such a strange language,” Dooley commented. “Bugger the hell off. That sounds so weird and so funny at the same time.”

“It does,” I agreed. “But I don’t think he meant it to sound funny.”

Otis Robbins also claimed Tessa was the worst thing that had ever happened to England in its long history. He claimed she was up there with Adolf Hitler and the bubonic plague. It all seemed a little over the top to me. How could a sweet American girl be worse than Adolf Hitler or the bubonic plague? It only proved to me that the British tabloid press was cuckoo.

Odelia had explained there were essentially two types of media in this country. One was the quality press, who adhered to journalistic integrity, and the other the tabloid press, who just wrote whatever, whether true or false, and seemed to have it in for Tessa, whom they liked to accuse of every evil under the sun, as if she was the worst criminal ever to set foot on English soil.

“Poor Tessa,” said Harriet now. “To have an entire section of the population pitted against her. Do you think she’ll be able to survive out here?”

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “These tabloids are apparently read by millions of Britons, so they’re turning her into a target for all of those readers.”

“I doubt whether every single reader who picks up a so-called tabloid believes every word they write, though,” said Harriet, sensibly.

“Even if only a fraction of them do, Tessa has a serious problem.”

“I think she needs to move back to the States,” said Brutus. “It’s obvious they don’t appreciate her here, so why stick it out? That’s just crazy.”

“I agree,” said Harriet. “She should move back to the States and enjoy a wonderful life with her new husband and their newborn baby.”

“But she can’t,” I said. “Dante has a lot of royal duties here.”

“Like what?” asked Dooley.

“Like… I don’t know. Probably he has to cut a lot of ribbons and open a lot of county fairs and stuff like that.”

“I don’t think he’s going to miss cutting ribbons,” said Brutus. “And if he does, there’s plenty of ribbons for him to cut in the States.”

“Yes,” said Dooley. “There are lots of nice ribbons in Hampton Cove. He can come and live next door and cut ribbons to his heart’s content.”

“It’s not just the ribbons, you guys,” I said. “He probably has a lot of other duties, and besides, he’s going to miss his family, isn’t he?”

“He can Skype,” said Harriet.

“Yes, he can Skype,” agreed Dooley.

Speaking of Skype, just then we heard a familiar voice. It was Marge.

“Hey, honey,” said Marge. “How’s the jet lag?”

“Not too bad,” said Odelia. “What time is it over there anyway?”

“Around dinner time.”

“Yes, we were just going to start dinner,” said Tex. “What time do you have?”

“Middle of the night,” said Odelia. “We had a big scare just now, and we’re all a little shook up.”

“An intruder tried to snap pictures of Tessa and the baby,” Chase said.

“How horrible,” said Marge. “I hope the police arrested him?”

“No, they haven’t,” said Chase. “Apparently he had every right to shoot pictures, and there’s not a damn thing we can do about it.”

“You need to watch out, honey,” said Tex. “I just read a story about how the English hate us Yankees so much they’ll do anything to get rid of us.”

“I’m sure it’s not as bad as all that,” said Chase with a laugh.

“They don’t like Tessa, though,” said Marge.

“I think a lot of people love Tessa,” said Odelia. “Only the tabloids don’t. Unfortunately they have the biggest megaphone, which distorts the picture.”

Gran had snuck into the room and sat down next to Odelia and Chase.

“Hey, honey,” she said, adding after a long pause, “and Tex.”

“How do you like England so far, Ma?” asked Marge.

Gran pulled a face, which said it all.

“I think she’s suffering from jet lag,” said Odelia.

She was right. Gran had been unusually quiet and had stayed out of trouble all night. She looked tired, too. Not her vivacious and sprightly self.

“I’m pretty much beat,” she said now, confirming our suspicions.

“Better go to bed,” said Odelia.

“That’s the problem. I went to bed, and I can’t sleep.” She got up. “Maybe I need some warm milk.” And she tottered off, closing the door behind her.

“Sounds like you’ve got your work cut out for you,” said Tex. “Be careful, will you? Don’t get in the line of fire.”

“It’s not as bad as all that,” said Odelia. “It’s not as if snipers are shooting at us from all sides.”

“There was an incident with poisoned tea, though,” said Chase.

“Poisoned tea!” Marge cried. “Oh, honey…”

“It’s fine, Mom. We’ve got everything under control here. And as soon as we have a chance, we’ll talk to some more people and figure this thing out.”

“Too bad there are no more canine witnesses,” said Harriet. “Or we could have solved this case already.”

She was right. There was only Fluffy, and she’d already told us everything she knew.

“I have a feeling this is not going be the open-and-shut case Odelia thought it was going to be,” said Dooley, and never had truer words been spoken.

Odelia and Chase said their goodbyes to her folks and logged off, then went to bed.

Soon the house was quiet, except for four cats and presumably one dog.

And I know many of you are not familiar with the concept of a watchcat, but that’s how I now saw myself. After the stone incident, the tea incident, and now the reporter scare, I vowed to keep a watchful eye for potential nocturnal intruders, friendly or otherwise. And so the four of us tiptoed into the living area and took up position on the several windows that looked out into the night. I took this vigil seriously, and so did the others. I’d grown fond of Tessa, in spite of the fact that we’d only just met. A young mother with a newborn, being bullied the way she was, had touched my heart. I vowed not to let anything happen to her, even if I had to take a bite out of some human’s seat of the pants myself—no matter how horrible the taste.

Soon Fluffy joined us, and we were on full animal alert.

“Let’s see who dares to mess with us now,” growled Brutus from the second window.

“He’s going to have to get past me first,” said Harriet from the third window.

“And me,” said Dooley, from the fourth window.

“You know what?” said Fluffy. “I like you guys. For a bunch of cats you’re all right.”

Cats and dogs? Living together in peace and harmony. Who knew?!

Chapter 16

In spite of the fact that she was bone tired, Odelia hadn’t slept well. She’d been tossing and turning and kept dreaming of nocturnal intruders out to get her. So when she suddenly awoke, thinking it was still the middle of the night, she was surprised to find the sun hoisting itself cheerfully across the horizon and announcing a brand-new day.

It didn’t feel like morning to her, though, and then she realized that her biological clock was still on New York time, where it was the middle of the night right now.

Chase was zonked out next to her, sleeping the sleep of the innocent, and of her four cats there was no trace.

She rubbed her eyes and glanced around at her surroundings. She was starting to realize this was a crazy mission, and maybe they’d been rash to accept it. It could literally take weeks before they figured out who was behind these attacks on Tessa, or maybe never. And all the while she was out here in London while she could have written a ton of articles for theHampton Cove Gazette.

She’d promised her editor a killer article from the London trenches, and the prospect of a couple of juicy stories about British royalty had smoothed over any objections Dan had. Still, she couldn’t afford to stay away for too long, and she already felt she was imposing on Tessa’s and Dante’s hospitality simply by being here and sleeping under their roof.

She got up and padded barefoot to the window. Right outside, a burly security guard stood sentinel. She was pleasantly surprised. With this level of security the would-be assassin surely would think twice before trying again.

Yawning, she opened the door and walked into the living room. She was gratified to find four cats and a dog sleeping soundly on the couch. She smiled as she studied them for a moment, then went back into her room, got out her phone and returned to snap a shot of the sleeping pets. They looked so peaceful. At least the fear she had about dragging them all the way out here had been unfounded: clearly they were neither traumatized nor unhappy.

It was then that she heard voices. She decided to have a closer listen, as the voices were rising in pitch and volume. An argument was clearly brewing.

“I told you, Tessa. I can make a perfectly acceptable smoothie. In fact I wrote the book on smoothies.”

“I know you did, Carolyn, But it’s just something I like to do myself, so please don’t take this as a comment on your work, but—”

“That’s exactly what I’m doing. If you won’t let me make you breakfast, lunch and dinner what did you hire me for?”

Odelia walked in to see a red-faced woman with gray hair standing, fists planted on wide hips, trying to stare Tessa down. Tessa wasn’t having it, though. She was standing her ground.

“Look, I’ve been making my own smoothies all my life,” she said, “and I’m not about to stop now just because we happen to have a wonderful cook. No offense, but if I choose to make a smoothie in my own kitchen, I’m perfectly entitled to, am I right?”

The cook, who’d noticed Odelia, shook her head disgustedly, then removed her apron, threw it on top of the kitchen counter and walked out. Obviously she wasn’t happy with Tessa’s smoothie-making prowess.

Tessa gave Odelia an overwrought look and Odelia returned the look with a‘What are you gonna do?’ gesture. She decided to have a little chat with the cook. Strike the iron while it was hot, so to speak.

“Hey, Carolyn,” she said, following the cook into the living room. “I’m sorry but I happened to overhear you and Tessa just now.”

“You heard? Oh, good,” said the woman, shaking her head. “Of all the overbearing…”

“You don’t appreciate it when people set foot in your kitchen, is that it?” asked Odelia, who’d never had a cook before, and had no idea how the whole cook-employer dynamic worked.

“It’s not that. She can make all the smoothies she wants. It’s just that whatever I do, it never seems to be good enough. I made them a perfectly fine smoothie yesterday. Dante drank it and said it was the best smoothie he’d ever tasted. Tessa? She pulled a face. And then started grilling me on what I put into it. I wrote the book on smoothies! Literally. It was a bestseller. I’ve worked for some of the most demanding employers imaginable but she,” she said, pointing a quivering finger in the direction of the kitchen, “takes the cake.”

“Tough employer, huh?” said Odelia sympathetically.

“She’s impossible to please! Always some point of criticism. I’ve had it up to here,” she said, indicating her nose. “And you know what? I quit. That’s right. I quit right now!” She seemed to have just come to this conclusion. “So you tell the Duchess that she’s lost her cook and good riddance!”

And with these words, she walked out before Odelia could ask her about the poisoned tea, which had been her intention in the first place.

She stared after the woman, and wondered if she was watching a killer walk away. Somehow she had a feeling she wasn’t.

Chapter 17

Gran felt as if she awoke from a deep coma.“Man, oh, man,” she groaned as she dragged open her eyelids. She wanted to sleep more—a lot more. But the sun was up and so should she. She was of a generation that believed in going to bed with the chickens and getting up when the cock crowed and she wasn’t going to change now. She felt weary, though, and realized this was the dreaded jet lag. But she wasn’t the person to let a silly little notion like that get her down. So she got up and stared at the person in the other bed.

“What are you staring at?” this person asked, and stretched awkwardly.

Memory returned and she realized who her roommate was.

“Angela,” she said.

“That’s my name—don’t wear it out.”

“Oh, God, I feel terrible,” said Gran.

“Jet lag,” said her roommate. “You’ll get used to it.”

“That’s right. You’ve been coming and going a lot, haven’t you?”

“I have. And I hate it. Each time I feel like I’m going to die.”

“Must be tough,” Gran offered sympathetically.

“It is. But what are you gonna do? If your only child marries a British prince, traveling to and fro kinda comes with the territory.”

“Why don’t you move here?”

“Are you nuts?” She gave her a critical look. “I have my own life thank you very much. I can’t just uproot it just to come and be a full-time babysitter. Besides, my friends, my family, everyone and everything is back home.”

“Yeah, I wouldn’t want to move here either, even if Odelia married a prince.”

“It’s not just that. I don’t want to be in their way. A young married couple doesn’t need an overbearing mother hen hanging around. If I overstayed my welcome something tells me Dante would probably take a crack at me!”

“You still think it’s Dante that’s behind this whole terrible business?”

“I don’t know what to think. Keep an open mind, right? Don’t trust anyone. So why should I make an exception for the man my daughter married?”

“He seems like a great guy. The way he came to her defense last night.”

“He is. And I think Tessa did very well for herself. I like the dude. He’s funny, he’s smart, he’s handsome…”

“The perfect son-in-law!”

Angela laughed.“Exactly! Only we’re too old to let appearances fool us, aren’t we? And we know sometimes things are simply too good to be true.”

Gran nodded. She knew better than anyone. Back home in Hampton Cove she’d helped her granddaughter solve more than one crime, and the killers sometimes turned out to be the last person she’d expected. It had shaken her belief in the essential goodness of man profoundly. Then again, she also trusted her own intuition, and her gut told her Dante was all right. Besides, what kind of man would kill his bride and mother of his newborn baby? Only a demented psychopath, and the young prince didn’t strike her as one.

“Let’s see what your granddaughter comes up with,” said Angela. “I have faith in her. She’s a good little detective.”

“True,” said Gran. “Though she often needs my help. I’m a detective, too, you know.”

“Oh, I know,” said Angela. “I don’t doubt your abilities.” Voices intruded upon their conversation and Angela pointed towards the door. “That’s him now. Mr. Perfect. And if I’m not mistaken that’s his less-than-perfect friend.”

“The wastrel.”

“The wastrel,” Angela confirmed.

Gran moved towards the door and opened it a crack. She’d always been a great believer in snooping and eavesdropping as a way of catching criminals.

“You’ve changed,” the wastrel was saying. “You’ve changed so much it’s not funny anymore. And it’s not just me that’s saying it. They all do. Spiffy, Toddles, Pongo, Bertie. Even Bingo says you’re not the man you used to be.”

“Of course I’ve changed! I’m married, and a dad. What did you expect?”

“I expected you to be my best mate, mate. Not to chuck me the first chance you got. What does she have that I don’t, eh?”

“Oh, for God’s sakes. Don’t make this about Tessa.”

“I didn’t make it about Tessa—you did, old chum. When you decided to get rid of fun Dante and turn into an old boring stiff.”

“I’m still fun Dante, only now I’m having fun being a dad and a husband.”

“Oh, booooring!”

“I think you better leave now, Damien.”

“See? You’re chucking me out!”

“I’m not chucking you out! I just don’t want you to make a scene in front of my wife and daughter.”

“I’m not making a scene. I’m just having a chat with my chum.”

“Let’s talk later, yeah?”

Tessa must have entered the room, for Damien cried,“There she is, the breaker-upper of friendships.”

“Hello, Damien,” said Tessa. “How are you?”

“Pitiful! Your husband doesn’t even want to go to the pub with me.”

“Well, I guess he’s got other things to do.”

“He’s got you to do, you mean,” said Damien darkly.

“Damien,” said Dante warningly. “Don’t talk to my wife like that.”

“I’ll talk to your wife any way I damn well please! This is all your fault, Tessa,” said Damien, causing Angela, eavesdropping next to Gran, to raise a meaningful eyebrow.

“I never told Dante he couldn’t see you.”

“You don’t have to! You’ve got him on such a tight leash he’s turned into one of those pod people. A zombie. You’ve poisoned his mind against his best mates and now I don’t even recognize him anymore!”

“And here I thought only women could make a scene,” Gran whispered.

“Oh, men can do it better,” said Angela. “And Damien is not the only one. Plenty of Dante’s old friends are annoyed he doesn’t hang out with them anymore. And they all blame Tessa, of course.”

A security man must have been alerted by the noise, for Damien now said,“All right, all right! I’ll go. You don’t have to—ow! You’re hurting me!”

“Please leave now, sir,” said a deep voice.

“It’s all right,” said Dante. “Damien was just leaving, wasn’t he?”

“No, I wasn’t!”

“Call me, yeah?”

“Fat chance!” cried Damien. “And don’t you dare call me, unless it is to apologize for your appalling behavior and that of your dreadful Goon McGoon.” And just before he slammed the door, he added, “See you in hell!”

“Ouch,” said Gran. “Looks like another candidate for our list of suspects.”

“Oh, this one just hit the top of the list,” said Angela. “And now for a more important question: who’s going to shower first—you or me?”

Chapter 18

I’d escaped the living room when the brawl with the former friend of Dante’s began to get loud. Dooley had joined me, while Harriet and Brutus had presumably taken a different route and were checking out some other part of the house in search of some peace and quiet.

Cats don’t like loud. We like it when humans don’t raise their voices or shout down the house. We don’t like loud music either, or loud noises in general. Cars backfiring, fireworks or explosions: big no-no’s in our world.

“This looks like a nice and quiet place,” said Dooley.

“Yeah, I hope so,” I said as we walked into what looked like an office of some kind. It was empty, which was a plus after the ruckus we’d endured.

“Who knew Dante had such obnoxious friends?” said Dooley.

“Not me.”

We glanced around and to our elation found a nice and comfy-looking couch waiting for us in the office. Dooley and I shared a look of pleasant surprise and headed for the couch. We soon made ourselves comfortable and were enjoying a nap when loud voices approached.

“Oh, no,” said Dooley without opening his eyes.

“Maybe they won’t come in,” I said.

The voices grew louder, and then Tessa walked in, accompanied by a stern-looking woman with glasses, hair pulled back in a painful-looking bun.

“Maybe they won’t stay,” I said.

The two women settled themselves at a table next to the desk.

“Maybe they’ll meditate,” said Dooley.

But of course they launched into some kind of business meeting. The woman obviously was Tessa’s assistant, for she had a whole list of stuff for Tessa to do. And as she read it out, Tessa was giving comments and adding her notes.

“Maybe we should find another place to nap,” I said.

But then the assistant suddenly raised her voice.

“I’m not sure how much more of this I can take, Tessa. Please forgive me but I feel like I have to speak up now or I’ll simply burst!”

“Please don’t burst,” Dooley muttered.

Tessa seemed taken aback.“But, Sherri,” was the only thing she could think of to say.

“It’s too much!” the woman practically squealed. “When you hired me away from the institute I was over the moon. But now I realize I was rash. I should have stayed put instead of rushing into this position without thinking.”

“I think you’re doing a great job. And I’m very happy with your work.”

“Well, you certainly don’t show it,” said the woman prissily. “In fact you seem to relish every opportunity to criticize my work, tell me that what I’m doing doesn’t give you satisfaction, and generally behave as if you know everything best and I’m just an annoying superfluous sidekick!”

“I’m so sorry you feel that way,” said Tessa.

“Well, I do—and have for some time. Remember when I told you it would be a good idea if you and Dante launched your own Instagram? And you told me it was too soon? And then you went ahead and did it anyway. Without telling me? And you hired Sammy to handle the account?” She pressed a hand to her chest. “That was like a dagger to the heart, Tessa. A dagger to the heart!”

“I—I didn’t mean to, Sherri. I just wanted to hire the best person to—”

“I’m the best!” said Sherri, wiping away tears. “And you treat me like dirt! That’s how I feel anyway.” She took a tissue from her sleeve and pressed it to her nose. “That said, I think we can both agree this has to end now.”

“But, Sherri…” said Tessa feebly.

The assistant abruptly rose to her feet.“I bid you adieu.” She stuck out her hand. “And I wish you well in all your future endeavors.”

Tessa shook the woman’s hand. She looked stunned.

Sherri gave a sad smile and touched Tessa’s cheek. “I adored you—from afar—but now that I’ve come to know you, I can see you’re a wonderful human being, and a terrible boss. Goodbye and good luck.”

And with these words she turned on her heel and waltzed out, leaving her former employer to stare after her, shocked and visibly dismayed.

Tessa blinked and spotted us.“Maybe I should hire you as my personal assistants,” she said finally. “I have a feeling you’d do a much better job and would be much easier to handle than all these so-called professionals.”

And shaking her head, she walked out.

“Well, that was instructive,” I said.

“Tessa doesn’t seem to have much luck picking her staff,” said Dooley.

“No, she does not.”

“You think it’s because she’s tough to work for?”

“I don’t know, Dooley. Maybe it’s a cultural thing. Maybe the English have different expectations about what it’s like to work for someone like Tessa who clearly seems to know what she wants and isn’t afraid to express it.”

“I hope her security people don’t walk out, too, or else she won’t have anyone to protect her.”

“She will always have Fluffy,” I said, which drew a smile from Dooley. “And us,” I added, making Dooley’s smile even wider.

“And of course there’s always Dante,” he said.

“Her knight in shining armor.”

“Why shining armor, though, Max? Why does it have to shine?”

“I think it’s just a phrase, Dooley. Any old armor will do. Though it’s always nice to have a shining armor, of course. Nobody likes a scruffy and dented old armor.”

“That’s true,” Dooley admitted.

Odelia came walking into the office and seemed relieved to see us.“Oh, there you are. I was wondering where you’d gone off to. Tessa is giving a speech in town. Do you guys want to come? Or do you want to stay here?”

Dooley and I shared a quick glance.“Stay here,” we said in unison. At least with the humans out of the house, we might actually have a chance to sleep off this terrible jet lag!

Chapter 19

It was a whole production but finally they managed to leave the cottage and be on their way. Dante and Tessa traveled in the first car, along with Tessa’s cousin Nesbit and Angela, while Chase, Odelia and Gran traveled in the second car. There was a third car filled with security people, and all three cars had privacy glass so no one could look in and know in which car the royal couple traveled.

“If we’re unlucky they’ll think we’re Dante and Tessa and start shooting at us,” said Gran, who looked nervous.

“I’m sure they won’t,” said Odelia, though she didn’t feel entirely relaxed herself.

“Did you catch that big altercation with the best friend?” asked Chase.

“I did,” said Odelia.

“I did, too,” said Gran. “What a jerk, right?”

“Well, I can imagine it must be tough on Dante’s former friends to see him change so much.”

“Yeah, but that’s only to be expected. I mean, the guy wasn’t always going to be the fun-loving rogue all his life.”

“He could have been,” said Chase. “Some guys are like that. They never change.”

“I think it speaks for Dante that he changed. He grew up and got a life! What’s so bad about that?”

“It’s bad because his friends are now confronted with the ugly truth about themselves,” said Chase. “They’re confronted with the fact that while they’re still acting like a bunch of irresponsible teenagers, Dante is now a grownup.”

“That’s probably what hurts the most,” said Odelia. “Not the fact that they lost a friend, but he’s holding up a mirror. And they don’t like what they see.”

“They didn’t have to lose Dante as a friend,” said Gran. “They could have stayed friends, if only they’d grown up alongside him. Become men.”

“Truer words have never been spoken,” said Odelia, and eyed her grandmother approvingly. “Look at you. Being all smart and wise.”

“I’m always wise and smart,” said Gran.

“I know, but you’re acting more mature, all of a sudden. No more weird hobbies or crazy stunts.”

Gran smiled.“There comes a time in everyone’s life when you have to decide whether to go through life like a human wrecking ball or be a force for good. And I’ve chosen to be a force for good, spreading sweetness and light.”

“Oh, that’s deep,” said Chase.

“That’s because I’m a deep person.”

Odelia wasn’t sure if it was temporary or permanent, but she liked this new and improved Gran. “I like it,” she said. “I mean, I’ll always love you whatever you do, but I think this is definitely a better and kinder you.”

Gran sighed and gave her granddaughter a wan smile.“Life gives you kicks in the groin sometimes, and it’s at moments like these that you have to decide whether to turn those kicks into lemons or not.”

“I think the expression is that when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade,” said Chase.

“Oh, Chase. You say it so well,” said Gran, placing her hands in her lap and nodding beatifically. She then raised her hand, and waved at the passing scenery. “I’m going to let you in on a little secret.”

“Oh? What’s that?” asked Chase.

“I’m going to be Queen.”

Chase and Odelia both blinked.“What?”

“That’s right. It’s one of the reasons I was so keen to come along on this trip. America deserves a queen and I’m going to be it. Her. She. Whatever.”

“But we don’t have a queen,” said Odelia.

“Exactly! And now we will.” She smiled. “Moi.”

“You don’t understand. We don’t have a queen because we are a republic. We have a president, not a monarch like a lot of these European countries.”

“And don’t you think it’s time we put a stop to that? America needs a queen. Not these bozos that come and go and make a mess of things. A nice queen would give the country some much-needed stability, not to mention international prestige. And you can be heir to my throne,” she said graciously, extending a hand to Odelia.

“If you’re the queen, Marge will be crown princess,” said Chase. “That’s how it usually works.”

“I’m going to skip a generation and make Odelia queen.”

“Marge won’t like it,” said Chase.

Gran waved an imperious hand.“Marge will be fine. It’s Tex that I’m worried about. Can you imagine having Tex as king? That simply won’t do. No, when I’m done being queen, in thirty years or so, I’ll abdicate the throne and make you queen, Odelia. Of course you’ll have to change your name. Queen Odelia just doesn’t have that ring to it. You’d have to choose something regal. Like Eleanor. Or Mathilde.”

“Tell me you’re joking, Gran,” said Odelia.

“I’m dead serious! America’s getting its queen and I’m going to ask the British queen for a couple of pointers and useful tips of the trade.”

“It’s not gonna happen,” said Chase. “You’d have to rewrite the constitution. Heck, you’d have to change the whole system.”

“Systems can be changed, and constitutions can be rewritten. I’ll ask my future colleague the Queen to put in a good word for me.”

“A good word won’t make it happen, Gran,” said Odelia. “You can’t be queen. And if you try, everybody’s gonna think you’re a crackpot.”

“Nonsense. The moment we get back, I’m going to Washington and tell them to call off the next election. I’m sure they’ll all be very happy. Elections are tough, not to mention expensive. A queen is a much cheaper option.”

Odelia couldn’t argue with that part.

“What are you going to tell them in Washington?” asked Chase, who seemed to think the whole thing was a big joke.

“I’ll just tell them: Your queen is here. You may bow now.”

“They’ll probably kick you out,” said Chase with a laugh.

“No, they won’t. I’ll convince them to give it a shot.”

Odelia remembered they’d all watchedMr. Smith Goes to Washington the other day. That was probably where Gran had gotten the idea.

“Gran, you don’t know the first thing about being a queen!” she said.

“Or politics,” Chase added.

“Which is why I’m going to ask the Queen to give me some tips,” said Gran patiently. “The woman has been queen for so long she knows a thing or two about the job and will only be too happy to help out an aspiring royal.”

“Oh, dear God,” said Odelia, leaning her head back against the leather headrest. “And here I thought you’d finally gone sane.”

“I have gone sane. Even better. I’ve gone queen.”

“Gran, you simply can’t—”

But Gran wagged her finger.“What’s with all this ‘Gran’ business? You’ll address me as Your Royal Highness from now on.”

“But Gran!”

But Gran tilted her chin and looked away.

“All right—Your Royal Highness!”

Gran looked up, comporting herself very regally indeed.“Yes?”

“What will Mom and Dad say?”

Gran lifted her shoulders in a queenly shrug.“Let them eat cake.”

Chapter 20

The meeting took place at a shelter for homeless people, and Tessa was clearly in her element. Accompanied by Dante, and watched over by an ever-vigilant Angela, she talked to several of the homeless present, the people who ran the center, and a selected group of reporters snapping shots and filming the whole thing for the evening news. Wherever Tessa went, film crews followed. She was a lightning rod for their attention, her presence electrifying. Dressed soberly in a simple black dress, she played her role to perfection, showing genuine affection for the shabbily clothed vagrants.

Dante, who stood next to Odelia, gleamed with pride.

“She’s amazing, isn’t she?” said Odelia.

“She is. She’s grown in the role and handles it all with such grace.”

“I think she’s wonderful, no matter what the media people say.”

The gleam diminished as Dante locked eyes with Otis Robbins for a moment, then looked away.“It’s tragic the media would choose to turn my wife into a target. Especially as she’s the most wonderful person I’ve ever met and the terrible things they write about her are lies, every single one of them.”

“I must say that not all the media are against her, though,” said Chase, gesturing to several members of the press who smiled and applauded as Tessa placed a kiss on an elderly woman’s cheeks, much to the woman’s glee.

“No, of course not. But it’s people like Otis Robins who don’t seem to grasp that we have a real opportunity here. An opportunity to change the way we royals interact with the public. On an equal footing, I mean.”

Odelia watched as Tessa’s smile was infectious, and reflected in the smiles of the people she met. “I think it’s true what they say about her,” she said.

“What’s that?”

“Despised by the media barons, loved by the people.”

“That’s exactly true. Which just goes to show that whatever they write about her, the vast majority of the population sees right through those lies.”

“Her rise has certainly been meteoric,” said Chase. “Until a few months ago I’d never even heard of Tessa Torrance.”

Dante looked up sharply.“What do you mean? She’s Odelia’s cousin.”

Oops!“What Chase means is that I never told him about her,” said Odelia.

“Right. And why is that?” asked Dante, a little crossly, it seemed.

“It’s complicated,” said Odelia. “Family stuff. You know.”

Dante nodded.“Oh, I do know. Family is both the most wonderful and most frustrating thing in the world.”

“It is,” said Odelia, staring at her grandmother, who stood practicing her regal poise, and had started waving to anyone who would pay her attention.

Tessa now called for silence.“I would like to say a few words,” she said with an engaging smile. “I think what you’re doing here at the center is both important and incredibly inspiring. And being with you here today has certainly inspired me to do more—to be more. I can’t imagine the situations some of you have endured, and the courage it must have taken you to live through them and still be the amazing, gracious people you clearly are.”

And she would probably have said more, if not suddenly there was a loud crack, and suddenly something seemed to explode behind Tessa. And then all hell broke loose, as more cracks sounded, which Odelia now recognized as shots being fired. Tessa and all those present ducked for cover while the people from her security team all huddled around her, keeping her safe.

People were screaming and yelling and as Chase growled,“Too bad I couldn’t bring my gun!” suddenly the lights in the room were doused and for a moment it seemed as if fear was the only thing Odelia knew.

Being on the floor, in the dark, a crazed shooter on the loose, she flashed back to the most crucial times in her life. And as she lay there, Chase right next to her, she suddenly heard herself ask,“Chase, if we make it out of here alive—will you marry me?”

“We will make it out of here alive,” he said, “and yes, I will marry you. But damn it, you kinda stole my thunder, Poole!”

“I’m sorry! I just thought if I don’t ask now maybe we’ll both be dead and I’ll regret not asking!”

“When you’re dead you have no regrets. Or at least that’s the consensus.”

“I know! I’m not thinking straight right now.”

“Thinking straight or not, I’m going to walk you down that aisle, babe, and I’m going to kiss the bride, if it’s the last thing I do!”

“Me, too!”

Suddenly the lights in the room flashed on again, and when Odelia glanced around, her eyes adjusting to the light, she saw that Tessa was still alive, and seemingly not hurt. Dante was with her, and he, too, seemed to be all right.

Gran, meanwhile, said,“Will someone save your queen, for God’s sakes!”

She was stuck to the floor, a rather voluminous lady pinning her down.

Chase removed the lady by yanking her up, thereby saving‘his queen.’

“Thank you, my loyal subject,” she said, and extended a hand for him to kiss.

“Oh, for crying out loud,” he grunted.

“Hey—I could hold you in contempt!” she shouted.

Police came charging into the room, and one by one everyone was led out.

“Did you get the shooter?” asked Odelia when she found herself being jostled out along with Tessa’s cousin Nesbit, the beefy security man.

“No, we didn’t,” he said, looking grim. “But by God, we will. And when we do, he’s going to wish he was never born.”

Chapter 21

When Tessa and Dante piled into the house, followed by Angela, Chase, Odelia and Gran, they were all atwitter. Apparently something had happened.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, lifting my head from my paws. I’d put in a solid couple of hours of sleep and I was slowly starting to feel like myself again.

“There’s been another attack,” said Odelia as she sat down next to us on the couch. Tessa switched on the TV, and we could all see firsthand the pandemonium at the homeless shelter. People were screaming, shots were being fired, and suddenly the lights went out and the place went dark. A grave-looking newscaster announced that the Duke and Duchess of Essex were safe, but that for a while there things had looked very hairy indeed.

“It’s a miracle you made it out alive,” I said, riveted by the images.

“Turns out it was just firecrackers set off by a couple of kids. At least that’s what the police are saying. There actually was an attack, only Tessa opted not to tell the police, for the same reasons she mentioned earlier.”

Tessa and Dante were conferring with Angela, and judging from the heated argument they weren’t seeing eye to eye.

“So there was an attack?” I asked, greatly concerned.

“While the lights were out, Tessa says she felt something graze her cheek.”

Odelia was right. There was a band-aid on Tessa’s cheek.

“Someone fired a shot at her but missed,” said Odelia.

“Could whoever is responsible set off the fireworks?”

“Possibly. They say it was kids, but I’m not convinced. More likely the killer paid them off to create confusion, then cut the power to cover his tracks.”

“Did they find out who was responsible?”

She shook her head.“There were a lot of people there. The moment those firecrackers hit the place descended into chaos.”

Gran cranked up the volume on the TV.“Listen to this,” she said, and everyone’s attention turned to the screen.

“There are rumors this may have been an attempt on the Duchess of Essex’s life,” said the newscaster in the same mournful tone, “but a statement has just been issued claiming those rumors to be absolutely false.”

“Oh, for goodness sakes,” Dante said under his breath.

“Through an unfortunate concatenation of circumstances the Duchess suffered a minor injury but at no time was she in any danger, real or imagined,” the newscaster continued reading the royal statement.

“Who issued this bogus statement?” asked Dante. “That’s what I would like to know.”

“I did,” said Tessa.

“Someone tried to shoot you! I was there! I heard the shot!”

“No damage was done,” she said, touching the band-aid on her cheek.

“This is serious, Tessa,” he said, concern lacing his voice. “Someone took a shot at you. And now I’m starting to wonder if that stone ball that fell on you was an accident or a deliberate attempt on your life.”

“There was a third attempt,” said Angela suddenly.

“Mom!” Tessa said, aghast. “I thought we agreed—”

“I think it’s time you told your husband, honey.”

“But you said—”

“I know what I said. But I’ve changed my mind. Dante was standing right next to me when that shot was fired, and he was as shocked as I was.”

“He was standing next to me when that ball almost fell on me. You said he was probably working with an accomplice.”

Dante looked shocked.“What?!”

Angela took a deep breath.“Dante, someone tried to poison your wife’s tea. Also, Odelia isn’t actually Tessa’s cousin and Vesta isn’t her grandmother.”

Dante looked flabbergasted, his face taking on a scarlet hue.“She’s not your cousin? So who is she? And why has she been staying under our roof?”

“I can explain,” said Tessa with an exasperated look at her mother, who pulled an ‘I’m sorry, honey’ face.

It took Tessa a while to tell the story but she told it well, and by the end of the convoluted tale, Dante looked even more worried than before.

“We have to tell the police,” was his first reaction. “ASAP.”

“That’s exactly what I don’t want,” said Tessa. “No one can know.”

“But—”

“What’s going to happen if people become aware there’s somebody trying to kill me?”

“They’ll be stopped!”

“No, it’s going to turn into a huge scandal—one that will be plastered across all the front pages and dominate several news cycles. Your family will be faced with an enormously embarrassing episode.”

“So? At least you’ll be safe.”

“It’s attention we don’t need—attention we don’t want.”

“We don’t control the media, Tessa. They’ll write what they write.”

“I know, but I want people to pay attention to us for the right reasons. For the work that we do. The charities we support. The message we want to convey. I don’t want us to become the couple hounded by a would-be assassin. It’s going to define us and it’s going to define your family and mine and we don’t need that kind of publicity.”

“So you’re telling me to just sit back and do nothing?!”

“No, of course not. That’s were Odelia comes in. She’s handled this type of situation before, and is on the verge of catching whoever’s behind this.” She directed a questioning look at Odelia, who nodded.

“We’re making progress,” she confirmed curtly.

“Have you at least some idea who this person is?” Dante asked.

“We’re closing in on a suspect,” Odelia said after a moment’s hesitation.

Dante narrowed his eyes at her.“You don’t have a clue, do you?”

“Not an inkling,” Odelia confessed.

Dante dragged a hand through his thinning ginger mane.“Oh, God. This is a nightmare. And why didn’t you tell me this before?!”

“That’s on me,” said Angela. “You were one of my main suspects.”

“You actually thought I would kill my wife? Are you crazy?”

Angela shrugged.“I just figured that with all the negative publicity Tessa has been getting, you might want to get rid of her.”

“By murdering her?!”

“I figured that’s the way you royals dealt with troublesome spouses.”

“We’re Windsors, Angela. Not the Corleones.”

Angela rolled her eyes.“Oh, pipe down, Dante. It’s not as if you haven’t given me reason to suspect you. You keep getting into fights with Tessa. And you keep telling her she needs to adapt. I just figured you were already looking for a way out of this marriage, and seeing how you royals are allergic to even a whiff of scandal a nice ‘accident’ just might do the trick for you.”

“I don’t believe this,” he said, shaking his head with exasperation.

Just then, one of the guards approached the royal couple.“You have visitors, sir.”

“Tell them we’re a little busy right now,” said Dante.

“It’s your brother and his wife, the Duke and Duchess of Bristol.”

Chapter 22

‘This is so exciting!” Harriet said.

“Why?” asked Brutus, at a loss.

“Are you crazy? It’s the future king and queen paying us a visit!”

“Oh, okay,” said Brutus, not convinced.

The future king and queen walked into the house, their faces masks of concern. Jeremy was a tall, thin man with thinning mane, while his wife Jennie was a kind-faced, rangy brunette. When she saw Tessa, Jennie immediately streaked forward, arms outstretched.“Oh, you poor thing. Are you all right?”

“I’m fine,” said Tessa with a strained smile. The events of the past couple of days had clearly left a big impression on her, and her customary sunny disposition had suffered.

“This is so awful! Do they know what happened?”

“Kids setting off firecrackers and a fuse box meltdown,” she said automatically, as if reading from a teleprompter. “The whole thing gave us a big scare. But nothing bad happened. Just a concatenation of circumstances.”

“Yes, I heard just now—you must have been terrified.”

“It was pretty scary,” Tessa admitted.

Meanwhile Jeremy clapped his brother on the shoulder.“Gave you quite a fright, the whole dreadful business, what?”

“It did,” Dante admitted. He clamped his lips together, clearly wanting to say more and being in two minds about Tess’s information embargo.

“Kids, eh?” said Jeremy. “Blimey.”

“What are you going to do?”

“Lock them up in the Tower?” Jeremy suggested, eliciting a weak smile from his younger brother.

Jeremy directed a worried look at him.“Are you sure you’re all right?”

“Yes, of course.”

“You don’t look all right. I’d say you look… awfully pissed off.”

“Well, I am,” said Dante. “How would you feel if your wife was suddenly under attack.”

“From firecrackers?”

“We didn’t know it was firecrackers. It sounded like gunfire.”

Jeremy smiled indulgently.“Surely an ex-military man like yourself can tell the difference between a firecracker and gunfire?”

“I didn’t know what to think. Everybody hit the floor and there was panic for a few moments, especially when the lights went out immediately after.”

“Shock to the system, eh?” said Jeremy knowingly. “Good for you, old chap. Brings out the old fighting spirit. Makes you feel alive. Speaking of which, I’ve heard through the grapevine Gran is on her way over.”

“Oh, dear God, no,” Dante groaned.

Gran, who’d heard her name mentioned, pricked up her hears. “Excuse me,” she said, approaching the two brothers. “Who’s on her way here?”

“Our grandmother,” said Dante. “Oh, I’m so sorry. Where are my manners? Vesta Muffin, this is my brother, the Duke of Bristol.”

“Please call me Jeremy,” said Jeremy graciously.

But Gran wasn’t interested in niceties or social decorum. “Are you telling me the Queen of England is on her way over here?”

“Yup,” said Jeremy. “She must have heard about the incident at the shelter and wants to see for herself what the fuss is all about. I honestly believe this goes to show your security people don’t know their arse from their elbow. What an astonishing cock-up.”

“They couldn’t have foreseen something like this would happen,” said Dante, though I could tell he was thinking the same thing his brother was thinking.

“They could have performed a sweep of the room. Confiscated those blasted firecrackers. Made certain those little blighters weren’t anywhere near you or Tessa. And then there’s the fuse box. They should have checked.”

“You’re probably right,” said Dante.

“Of course I’m right! Who’s in charge of your security?”

“Kingsley Para.”

“I’d take a long hard look at his credentials. And talk to Protection Command. There should be consequences to a disaster like this.”

“I will,” said Dante. “Trouble is, one of the security people is actually Tessa’s cousin. And she tells me he’s quite good at what he does.”

“Well, obviously he’s not, is he, old boy? I’d think about chucking him—family or no family. Can’t have nepotism stand in the way of keeping safe.”

“What’s nepotism, Max?” asked Dooley.

“When you give an unfair advantage to members of your family in the distribution of jobs and such,” I said. “Like when the president of a country appoints friends and family to important jobs, without following procedure.”

“Like if Tessa would make Fluffy her head of security?”

“Maybe she should,” said Brutus. “Prince Jeremy is right. What a screwup.”

“Could it be that her security team is in on this?” I asked.

“You mean, could they be working with the killer?” asked Harriet.

“It would explain how he got through security just now, and managed to fire off a shot. And how he got into the house and laced her tea with Belladonna. Or sneak past security to tip over that stone ball.”

“It would explain a lot,” Brutus agreed.

“But wouldn’t her cousin know if a conspiracy was being hatched?” asked Harriet.

“Not if he’s in on it,” I said.

We all glanced up at Tessa, who was keeping it together, even though the strain the incident had caused showed on her face and her rigid posture.

“I think Odelia should have a chat with the cousin,” I said.

We agreed to bring it up as soon as Odelia was done talking to the Duchess of Bristol, aka Jennie, but then a loud noise told us another visitor had arrived.

And judging from Gran’s excited cries, it was none other than the Queen!

Chapter 23

It was a great honor and a wonderful opportunity to meet the one and only Queen, of course, but what I was looking most forward to was meeting those famous corgis, and I sincerely hoped she’d brought them along.

“So you better be on your best behavior,” said Harriet, suddenly deciding she was the one in charge. “No backtalk and no foul language from any of you—is that understood?”

“I don’t think the Queen speaks our language,” Dooley pointed out.

“Obviously I’m not talking about the Queen,” said Harriet. “I’m talking about her precious corgis. Be polite and show them the respect they deserve.”

“Oh, for crying out loud,” said Brutus. “They’re just dogs!”

“They’re royal dogs. And they just happen to be the most famous dogs in the world. People even make movies about them, so they’re not ‘just dogs.’ They’re brothers and sisters and we need to be on our best behavior. Show them we’re not the country bumpkins they probably take us for. That we’re worthy of being in their royal presence. Basking in their glow. Moving in their sophisticated circles.”

Brutus clearly wasn’t in agreement, but there was no time to complain, for the door swung open and there she was: the Queen, resplendent in fluorescent pink. Pink dress, pink coat and pink hat. She clutched her famous purse, the one she uses to signal her staff when she needs to be rescued from garrulous and annoying company, her face split in a wide, full-toothed smile.

“She has such nice teeth,” Dooley marveled. “Will you look at those snappers? They’re absolutely perfect.”

“Not her own, probably,” I said. “Humans tend to lose their teeth, and then have them replaced with new ones made of plastic.”

“Plastic teeth? How weird,” said Dooley.

“It’s true, though. Grandma has fake teeth.”

“Oh, that’s right,” said Dooley. “I’ve seen her take them out.”

We watched in fascination as Gran actually curtsied before the Queen, and showed her own, almost identical, choppers to the beloved monarch.

“Such an honor,” Gran gushed. “I’ve been meaning to ask you, Your Highness, if you could spare a few moments of your precious time, could you perhaps give me a couple of pointers on how to be a queen?”

The Queen gave her a curious look.“Whatever do you mean, Mrs. Vesta?”

“Well, the thing is—I’m going to be queen myself, you see. Over in America. And since you’ve held the job for so long now, I’m sure you’re perfectly positioned to help a newbie get started on her queenly tenure.”

The Queen’s left eyebrow quivered slightly, expressing surprise. “You’re going to be Queen of America?”

“Yes, I am. I’ve got it all worked out. See, the presidential system we got now isn’t cutting it anymore. Too fickle for a great nation like ours. What we need is a queen, who will rise above the political fray and all those bickering politicians. And there’s no one better suited for the role than me. Besides which, it was my idea, so I got first dibs. And then of course I’m giving the throne to Odelia—I’m skipping a generation, you see, mainly because my son-in-law is a jackass and he’d only ruin things if he became king.”

“Very wise,” said the Queen, then leaned in and said, under her breath, “I’ve been thinking along those same lines myself, quite frankly.”

“Great minds think alike!” said Gran, eliciting a chuckle from the monarch.

The Queen approached Tessa with outstretched arms.“Oh, my dear, dear Tessa. What an ordeal you have suffered through. Are you all right?”

“I’m fine, Ma’am,” said Tessa.

The Queen tsk-tsked.“How many times have I told you not to call me that? It’s Gam-Gam!”

“Yes… Gam-Gam,” said Tessa, struggling to get the words across her larynx.

“So you were attacked, is that it?” The Queen asked, giving Tessa a keen look.

“Oh, no, nothing like that,” Tessa assured the older woman. “Just kids playing a prank.”

“Oh, dear. Kids these days. They will go too far.” She lightly touched Tessa’s cheek. “You’re hurt, I see.”

“Nothing serious,” Tessa was quick to say. “Just a graze.”

“From the firecrackers?”

“No, I must have hit something when I dropped to the floor.”

“Very distressing,” the Queen said. “Very distressing indeed.” She then cut a curious glance to Odelia and Chase. “I do hope you’re making progress on your inquiries,” she said vaguely.

“Inquiries?” inquired Odelia.

“A little birdie told me you’re here on Angela’s instigation to look into certain… allegations.” She sighed. “I do hope you will move your investigation along quite speedily. At my age one wants nothing more than to see one’s family happy and safe from harm.”

“One knows,” said Harriet, sounding surprised. “One actually knows!”

“One what?” asked Dooley.

“The Queen! She knows!”

“Knows what?” asked Brutus.

“She knows that Odelia is here to investigate the assassination attempts!”

“Impossible,” I said. “Angela told no one.”

“She must have a spy somewhere,” said Harriet. “I heard the Queen has her spies everywhere.”

“I’m sure she’s just talking in general terms about Tessa’s safety. Tessa is, after all, the mother of the Queen’s great-grandchild.”

“No, I’m sure she knows,” Harriet insisted. “Oh, one is good.”

“Two is better, though, right?” said Dooley.

“Oh, Dooley,” sighed Harriet. “Please go away.”

“Where are the corgis?” asked Dooley now.

I’d been asking myself the same question. The corgis seemed to be nowhere to be found.

“Let’s look outside,” Harriet suggested. “This is our one and only chance to meet the famous corgis and I’m not going to miss it!”

We all hopped from the couch and made our way out the door. A black Range Rover was parked right outside, the door open. Inside, three corgis sat waiting patiently for their human’s return.

So Harriet, being Harriet, wasted no time and introduced herself.

“Hello there, Your Royal Highnesses,” she said, doing a little curtsy. “My name is Harriet, and I’m so very, very pleased to finally meet you!”

The corgis, who looked very similar, were unimpressed.

“You’re a cat,” said the first corgi.

“Excellent powers of observation,” said Harriet without a trace of irony. “I am, indeed, a cat, and I’m also your biggest fan.”

“Cats usually aren’t the biggest fans of dogs,” the corgi pointed out. She was speaking a little huffily, I thought, but Harriet wasn’t deterred.

“Oh, but you’re not just any dogs. You’re the Queen’s corgis!”

The corgi darted a look at me and Brutus and Dooley.

“Hi,” I said when I felt the corgi’s curious glance rake my visage. “My name is Max, and I’m Odelia’s cat. Odelia is a friend of the Duchess and Duke of Essex and we’re all guests at their cottage.”

“You’re friends of Tessa’s?” asked the corgi, quirking an imperious eyebrow.

“That’s right. And we’re also friends of Fluffy. Tessa and Dante’s dog?”

The corgi gave me a supercilious smile.“Of course you would be friends with that runt.”

I had the distinct impression these weren’t the nicest, sweetest dogs. Fame must have gone to their heads. The same thought occurred to Brutus, for he muttered, “What a stuck-up little—”

“I beg your pardon?” The corgi said, raising her voice. She might be stuck-up but she had excellent hearing.

“I was just saying how Odelia is working on amockup of Newtmore Cottage,” said Brutus. “Odelia wants to build a cottage just like this one.”

“Is this Odelia person an architect?”

“No, she’s—”

“A contractor?”

“No, she’s actually—”

“An interior designer? A builder?”

“Um…”

“Then why would she spend her time creating mockups?”

“Oh, do be nice to the cats,” said the second corgi.

I now saw that the corgis had their names in gold-plated tags dangling from their collars. The nasty corgi answered to the name Sweetie, the second one was called Fr?ulein and the third one Molly.

“Tessa’s friends are our friends,” said Fr?ulein now.

Molly chimed in,“Any friend of the Duchess of Essex is a friend of ours. Hop in, cats, and tell us what the word on the street is.”

In spite of the fact that I disliked the corgis, I didn’t want to miss a chance of sitting in the royal vehicle—in the exact same spot the Queen sat! So I hopped in, and so did Harriet, Brutus and Dooley. I have to admit the leather seats were amazing. Soft to the tush and yet firm. Also, the car smelled to lavender.

“They’re not street cats, Molly,” said Sweetie. “Didn’t you pay attention? Their human is a mockup artist.” Her voice dripped with disdain.

“I thoughtall cats were street cats,” said Molly.

“Not all cats, surely. Some cats are domesticated. Though they tend to be adopted by commoners, of course. No royal wants to be seen dead with a cat.”

“Just the idea. Imagine a royal with a cat. How perfectly horrid!”

Both cats laughed, until Fr?ulein said, “Please be nice to the cats. I’m sure they have stories to tell, so let’s hear them out. How are you finding your stay at Newtmore Cottage, cat?” she asked, enunciating every word as if talking to a toddler.

“So far our stay has been perfectly satisfactory,” I said, adopting the same tone.

The corgi smiled at her cohorts.“See? These are clearly intelligent creatures with a certain capacity for conversation.”

“Hey, look here,” said Brutus, starting to get a little hot under his collar, “I’m not going to be insulted by a bunch of stuck-up, nasty—”

“I knew you said stuck-up and not mockup!” said Sweetie.

“We’re not stupid,” said Brutus. “We can tell when we’re being insulted. And you’ve been insulting us from the moment you laid eyes on us.”

“Please, feel free to leave anytime,” said Sweetie, tilting her chin. “In fact, now that I come to think of it…” She sniffed the air. “My sensitive nose has suddenly detected a rather unpleasant smell pervading this fine automobile.”

“Are you suggesting we stink?” Brutus growled.

“I’m suggesting you get out of the car, cat.” Then she leaned in, giving Brutus a dirty look. “Or, to say it in your street lingo, get lost!”

And we would have gotten lost, if not the door had suddenly been slammed shut, the car put in gear and we were surprised to find we were on the move.

“What’s going on?” I asked.

But the corgis looked too stunned to respond.

Fr?ulein was staring at the driver, then stammered, “That’s not Bart!”

As if he understood, the man turned and smiled a yellow-toothed grin at us.“Brace yourselves, pooches—this is a kidnapping!” And to prove he wasn’t kidding, he stomped down on the accelerator and the car lurched forward.

We were being abducted—along with the Queen’s corgis!

Chapter 24

“Um, what’s happening?” asked Sweetie.

“I think you guys are being kidnapped,” said Harriet.

“Not just them,” I said. “We’re being kidnapped right alongside them!”

Oh, boy. This wasn’t good. I’d never been kidnapped before, but I had a sinking feeling I wasn’t going to like it.

“Kidnapped?” said Sweetie as if the concept was alien to her. “What do you mean, kidnapped?”

“It’s when they take you against your will and then they ask money to let you go,” Dooley explained patiently. He glanced to me. “It was on the Discovery Channel. There was this rich girl who was kidnapped, and then she started to really like her kidnapper. I think she even wanted to marry him.”

I studied the driver, who was chewing gum with his mouth open and tapping the wheel with a dirty fingernail. No way was I marrying this guy.

“But… we can’t be kidnapped!” said Sweetie. “That just doesn’t happen to us. We’re the Queen’s corgis! The Queen’s corgis simply don’t get kidnapped!”

“Well, you are now,” said Brutus, who seemed to derive a certain satisfaction from the fact.

“This is all your fault, cat,” Sweetie told him viciously. “We meet you and five minutes later we are being kidnapped. Coincidence? I think not!”

“We had nothing to do with this!” said Brutus.

“Yes, we’re victims just as much as you guys,” said Harriet.

“So how are we going to handle this?” I asked. I frowned at the door. “Does this thing open? Where’s the handle?”

“It’s fully automated,” said Fr?ulein. “There is no handle.”

Our jabbering must have alerted the driver, for he looked over his shoulder.“Hey, you’re cats,” he said.

“Well spotted, sir,” I said. “Well spotted.”

The guy wasn’t happy about this development, though, for he grabbed his phone and began tapping it furiously.

“Hey—no texting and driving!” Sweetie called out.

“I think we have bigger issues than road safety right now,” said Fr?ulein. “If these cats are right, we’ve just been dognapped. Which means they’ll want to ask money for us and they’ll lock us up until the Queen agrees to pay up.”

“Oh, but of course she’ll agree,” said Sweetie. “We’re her precious corgis! She’d never let anything bad happen to us. Would she?”

“Of course not,” said Molly.

“I’m not so sure,” said Fr?ulein. “Last time I checked the Queen is winding down her corgi-producing extravaganza. I’ll bet she is switching breeds.”

“Switching breeds!” cried Sweetie. “She wouldn’t!”

“She would. In a changing world it’s important for a public figure like the Queen to stay relevant. Keeping things fresh. Maybe she’d like to adopt a Chihuahua for a change? Or a Maltipoo? Or even a micro teacup Poodle. Those teacup dogs are all the rage right now. I hear Katy Perry has one.”

“Who cares what Katy Perry has!” said her colleague. “The Queen would never trade us in for a bunch of… dumb animals!”

“We’re animals, too,” Molly reminded her.

“We’re not animals! We’re corgis!”

“Listen, I got a problem,” the driver spoke into his phone. “No, yeah, I got the dogs, but there’s four cats in with them, innit? Yeah,cats. So what am I supposed to do with four cats? That wasn’t part of the deal. Throw them out?”

“I don’t like where this is going,” said Dooley, and I agreed. Being thrown out of a moving vehicle sounded like a perfectly painful proposition.

The driver glanced back at us.“You mean, just dump em. Great. Yeah, whatever, bruv.” He disconnected and drove on in silence for a while, then looked back at us, and said, probably more to himself than to us, “They’re telling me to dump you guys. But I don’t think I’m going to do that. I like animals, you see. I mean, it doesn’t look like I do but I do. Which is why I’m going to take you along and maybe keep you for myself. Or I could sell you. Nice-looking cats such as yourselves, I’m pretty sure you’ll fetch a pretty penny.” He turned to look at the road again, much to my relief. “Yeah, that’s what I’ll do. I’ll sell them. And maybe keep just one. I’ll keep the fat red one. Fat red cats bring luck. Everybody knows that.”

I glanced at the others, suddenly panicky.“Is he talking about me?”

“Do you see any other red fat cats?” Brutus asked with a nasty undertone.

I looked around. A white Persian, a butch black cat, a gray cat and three corgis.“No, I don’t,” I said weakly.

“So?” said Brutus.

“But I’m not fat! I’m big-boned. And I’m not red, I’m blorange!”

“Tell that to the guy,” Brutus suggested. “I’m sure he’ll want to know.”

“What’s blorange?” asked Fr?ulein curiously.

“It doesn’t exist,” said Brutus, still on his nasty streak.

“It does! It’s pastel red with orange shades of peach and rose gold. Very popular with the influencers.”

“I’ll bet it is,” said Sweetie, and it didn’t sound like a compliment.

“Who cares?!” Harriet cried. “Let’s focus, shall we? We’re being kidnapped, and they’re going to trade you in for a lot of money, and they’re going to get rid of the rest of us.”

“Except for Max,” said Brutus. “They’re going to keep him for luck.” Somehow his words seemed to suggest I was in cahoots with the kidnapper!

“I don’t want to be kept for luck!” I said.

“No, but you will—while he’s going to sell the rest of us on Craigslist.”

“Do they have Craigslist in England?” asked Harriet.

“Whatever! Our cushy lives are over, you guys! We’ll probably end up living with some toothless degenerate inbred pervert in the Cotswolds!”

“Breathe,” I said. “We have to breathe and think this through.” I tried to slow my breathing. In and out. In and out. It wasn’t working!

“And to think I dreamed all my life about meeting the Queen’s corgis,” lamented Harriet.

“You have?” asked Sweetie, sounding surprised.

Harriet nodded sadly.“And look where it got me. In the hands of a maniac!”

Chapter 25

“Oh, goodness me,” said the Queen, clutching a hand to her heart. “Oh, dear goodness me. My corgis! My precious corgis!”

She was on the verge of collapsing to the floor, and the people who formed her entourage quickly stepped to the fore and deposited her on the couch, where she was taking little gulps of breath and was trying to steady herself.

“My cats,” said Odelia, as she thought with a pang of sorrow of her sweet foursome. “They kidnapped my cats.”

The entourage, clearly afraid she might keel over, too, took her by the arm and deposited her right next to the Queen. Gran, viewing this with a touch of rancor, now said,“My cats! Oh, dear goodness me, my cats!” and clasped an arm to her brow, then dropped herself down on Odelia’s lap.

Odelia scooted over to make space, and now Gran was seated right next to the Queen.

“This is terrible,” said the Queen. “Horrible! My precious sweet babies. They won’t know what’s going on. They will be apoplectic with anxiety!”

“They’ll be fine,” said what appeared to be the Queen’s senior aide, a man with gray hair so sculpted it looked as if he’d actually created it out of bitumen and glued it to his head. He was wearing some of those fashionable glasses that would have met the approval of Sir Elton John.

“But how is this possible?” asked the Queen. “How did this happen?”

“Bart stepped out for a smoke,” said the aide, then coughed into his fist. “Before he knew what happened, a man dressed like him jumped into the car and drove off with it. Unfortunately Bart had left the engine running.”

“But surely you are in pursuit. Please tell me you’re in hot pursuit.”

It was funny to hear the Queen use words like‘hot pursuit,’ Odelia thought, even if the situation wasn’t a funny one at all.

“I’m afraid we lost a vital opportunity there, Ma’am,” said the aide, once again coughing into his fist. It seemed to be a favorite mannerism of his.

“Have you notified the police? Arethey in pursuit? Have they taken out the helicopter? The drones? Tell me they’re doingsomething!”

“I’ve notified Scotland Yard. They’re sending a unit as soon as possible.”

“Oh, dear goodness me,” said the Queen, sagging into the couch “This is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. Positively the worst.”

“If this is a kidnapping, they’ll call in their demands any moment now,” said Dante, looking grave. First the attempt on Tessa’s life and now this.

Odelia wondered if the two events were connected somehow. She couldn’t see how, though.

“Maybe we need to take matters into our own hands,” said Chase.

“What do you suggest, young man?” said the Queen.

“I suggest we go in pursuit right now. They can’t have gotten far.”

“Oh, yes! Please do something!” said the Queen, quite unqueenly.

Chase and Odelia volunteered to be on the‘Hot Pursuit’ team, and hurried out of the cottage. The Queen’s driver Bart got behind the wheel of a second Range Rover, and soon they were moving along at a fast clip, zooming through the leafy lanes of the Newtmore Estate.

Bart, a stringy man with wispy yellow hair, consulted his GPS.“There’s a fork in the road just up ahead,” he said. “Where do you suggest we go?”

Odelia thought for a moment. She had an almost mystical connection with her cats, that much was true, but all it really amounted to was that she had the gift of the feline gab, nothing more. Could she somehow intuit which way Max and the others were being taken? She doubted it, but she had to try. For her cats’ sake as well as the corgis.

“Left,” she finally said, deciding to trust her gut.

The car swerved to the left, and the leafy lane merged onto a two-lane road. She was surprised when Bart steered the car along the wrong lane.

“What are you doing!” she cried when a car approached from the opposite direction. “Stick to the right!”

“I thought you said left, Ma’am?” Bart inquired respectfully.

“Turn left but stay in your lane!”

He coughed deferentially as the other car zoomed past. It, too, was in the wrong lane.“Ma’am, in this country we drive on the left.”

She uttered a startled little laugh.“Of course. I totally forgot.”

“Good thing you’re not driving, huh?” said Chase with a smile. He was rubbing her lower back and she was glad he was with her. Even if they struck out, she had to keep moving. If she just sat there on that couch she’d go nuts.

“We’re approaching a crossroads, Ma’am,” said the driver.

“Straight ahead,” she said.

The driver didn’t question her judgment. He simply did as he was told, which was a good thing, for she had absolutely no idea where she was going!

[Êàðòèíêà: img_2]

Okay, so there was no way we could open that door from the inside, that much we’d ascertained. But how about the window? I pushed the button that operated the window and lo and behold! It inched down ever so slowly.

“Who’s going to jump?” asked Harriet.

We were going pretty fast, and jumping now would probably get us killed. Unless we could aim ourselves onto the shoulder, into the high grass.

I glanced out the window, but all I could see was a guardrail.

Not the best landing spot for a sensitive cat.

“I’ll go first,” said Brutus bravely.

“In this country it is customary for women and children to go first,” said Sweetie. She glanced at Harriet. “Which means we get to go first, then the prissy white cat, then the gray one and finally the fat, red cat.”

“I’m not a woman,” said Dooley.

“No, but you’re a child,” the corgi explained in a kindly tone.

“I’m not a child!” said Dooley.

“Fine, then you can go last,” Sweetie snapped.

The corgi darted a peek out the window, saw that guardrail, and retreated.“I’m not doing it,” she announced. “Not a chance. That jump will end me.”

The others seemed to agree, and darted expectant looks at me.

“You go, cat,” said Molly. “You go and call the police.”

“I’m not jumping,” I said. “I’ll break my neck.”

“No, you won’t. You’re fat. All that blubber will act like a cushion.”

“I’m not fat—I’m big-boned!”

“Of course you are,” said Sweetie. “Now jump already, will you? Cats have nine lives, while we dogs only have one. So what if you get smushed? You’ll still have eight lives left.”

“Unless he’s done this before,” Fr?ulein pointed out. “In which case he’ll only have seven lives left—or six.”

“Six lives is better than none,” Sweetie pointed out.

“It’s a myth!” I said. “We don’t have nine lives! If I die, that’s the end!”

“Max!” said Brutus. “Never tell our deepest secrets to a dog!”

He was right. We don’t spill the beans to dogs. Just like dogs will never open up to a cat about what makes them tick. It’s not done, trust me. It might give the other species the upper hand and that’s a big no-no in pet world.

“A collar,” I said. “Quick. Someone give me a collar.”

The corgis stared at me.“We’re not giving you our collars,” said Sweetie. “Do you have any idea how much these collars cost? This is gold plating, in case you didn’t know.”

“We’re leaving a trail of breadcrumbs!” I said. “Quick. Before the doofus finds out the window is open!”

“Why don’t you use your collar?” said Molly suspiciously.

“I don’t have one!”

“See?” said Sweetie. “I told you they’re street cats. Only street cats have no collars.”

“Oh, for crying out loud,” I grunted, then took a firm grip on Sweetie’s collar and yanked. Of course the thing didn’t budge.

“Help!” she yelped. “He’s gone mad! He’s trying to kill me!”

“Oh, just give him the collar already,” said Fr?ulein. She pressed a paw to her friend’s collar and it clicked open. And as I swung it through the window, the driver glanced back, noticed the window was open, cursed and closed it.

I looked back at the collar, which was lying in the road. I just hoped Odelia would find it. Or else we were royally screwed.

Chapter 26

Odelia and Chase were still in hot pursuit, even though Odelia had a hard time trusting her instincts. Every road she took had the potential of leading them further and further away from her cats and the corgis. On the other hand, it might lead them closer and closer to where they were taking them…

“Police will catch him,” said Bart, as if he’d read her mind. “A network of sophisticated cameras covers a large part of the city. If he passes a camera they’ll be able to track him. He’s driving the Queen’s car, so he won’t get far.”

“Doesn’t the car have a tracking device?” asked Chase.

“It did. They took it out last year. The Queen’s husband didn’t like the idea of being tracked all the time. He likes to take the car for a spin, you see.”

“Too bad,” said Chase.

“It is,” said Bart. “Then again, you have to respect a person for not wanting to be tracked. There is still such a thing as privacy in this country.”

“Sometimes staying safe trumps privacy.”

“The Queen and her husband are set in their ways, sir.”

“She’s going to be devastated if something happens to her corgis,” said Odelia, biting her nails as her heart tapped a nervous pattern in her chest.

“Oh, yes,” said Bart. “Sometimes I think she loves those animals more than her own family. Then again, I can’t blame her. At least the corgis never give her any trouble.”

“Have you ever driven the Duke and Duchess of Essex?”

“Can’t say that I have, Ma’am. I have a friend who does, though.”

She wondered how to formulate her next question.

“Any issues?” asked Chase, beating her to the punch.

She gave him a grateful nod.

“You mean, has something like this ever happened to them?”

“Uh-huh.”

The driver thought for a moment.“Well, Fluffy was never kidnapped as far as I know. My friend did witness an incident shortly after they were married. A reporter who came to the house and made a big fuss about wanting to talk to the Duchess. He wasn’t allowed to come anywhere near her, though.”

“Who was he?”

“Well-known bloke. Otis Robbins? He does one of those morning shows. Personally I never watch him. Too full of himself. My mum loves him, though. She’s a big fan.”

“Why did he make a fuss?”

“I reckon he wanted to interview her for his show, and when she refused he blew his top. You can’t just walk up to a royal and shove a camera in their face the way you can with regular folk on the street. He should have known that. Another fork in the road coming up, Ma’am.”

She closed her eyes and was about to say left when Chase said,“Hey, isn’t that a dog collar?”

The driver pulled over and Chase quickly got out. In the middle of the road, a fancy dog collar lay. It was velvety red with a gold medallion.

When he brought it back to the car, he held it up.“Sweetie,” he read.

“That’s one of the Queen’s corgis,” said Bart excitedly. “Good catch, sir.”

“So they definitely came this way,” said Odelia. Her heart lifted and did a happy little dance. Her intuition wasn’t leading them astray. Instead, it was leading them closer to her beloved pets.

“Let’s keep going,” said Chase. “Maybe we can catch up with them.”

And as the car eased into traffic once more, Odelia found herself thinking about the driver’s words. The reporter. Could he have something to do with this whole thing? Somehow she doubted it. Why would a reporter try to murder the Duchess? He could simply kill her with his sharp tongue.

[Êàðòèíêà: img_2]

The car was still zooming along the road, and I found myself thinking about Odelia. If I had to spend the rest of my life with this crook, I’d miss her very much. Odelia was the only human I’d ever owned, and so I didn’t have a large frame of reference, but my instinct told me that I’d hit the jackpot when I’d landed on her doorstep. And that it could only go downhill from there.

“They’ll probably sell us to the highest bidder,” said Sweetie. “I wonder how much I will fetch.”

“A thousand pounds,” said Fr?ulein.

“A million, rather,” said Sweetie.

“Maybe a billion!” Molly said.

“Maybe they’ll sell us to someone in the Middle East,” said Sweetie. “And he’ll treat us like royalty.”

“You’re already treated like royalty,” I said.

“Yes, but this time we’ll be treated like oil sheik royalty, which is always a step up from those old and dusty European royals.”

“I think the European royals are the best,” said Fr?ulein. “New money simply can’t compete with all that style and class.”

“It can,” said Sweetie. “They’ve been buying up so much of London soon they’ll own the entire town, the Queen and all the other royals included.”

“I miss Odelia,” I announced, deciding to change the topic. I found all this talk of being sold off to the highest-bidding oil sheik frankly depressing.

“And I miss Gran,” said Dooley.

“I miss Marge,” said Harriet.

“I miss them all!” said Brutus, who possessed a sentimental streak I never even suspected he had.

“Oh, stop whining, you lot,” said Sweetie. “You’ll be adopted by a nice family, who’ll feed you and give you plenty of cuddles.”

“It’s not the same,” said Harriet.

“Yeah, you don’t know our humans,” Dooley chimed in. “They’re the best.”

“Look, it’s not that I don’t like the Queen,” said Sweetie, “but mostly I like the lifestyle. You know? The best food, the best pillows, the best clothes, the best dog walkers… What I won’t miss is the weather. London is so dreary.”

“Oh, so dreary,” said Molly with an eyeroll.

“The weather. Oh, don’t get me started on the weather.”

“Horrible weather. Simply ghastly.”

“Some days I don’t even want to get up.”

“A lot of days.”

“And then there’s Dubai. Sunny and bright. My kind of place.”

“My kind of place, too.”

“Dubai is, like, a hundred degrees on a cold day,” Fr?ulein pointed out.

“So? They have air-conditioning. It’s all about the lifestyle.”

“The lifestyle is the thing,” Molly chimed in.

“Give me Buckingham Palace over some nondescript air-conditioned luxury condo in Dubai every day,” said Fr?ulein.

“They probably don’t even want you in Dubai,” said Harriet, who seemed to have tired of the incessant inane jabbering. “Probably you’ll be sold to someone living in some hellhole in the middle of nowhere.”

“Like Chechnya,” said Brutus with a smirk. “Or Moldova.”

“Or maybe some African warlord will buy you so he can roast you over a slow fire and eat you,” said Harriet. “And then he’ll post the picture on Insta.”

The three corgis stared at her, then Sweetie and Molly shook their heads, smiling indulgently.“Don’t talk rubbish, cat,” said Sweetie.

“Yeah, don’t talk rubbish,” Molly said.

“Why would anyone want to eat us?”

“Some people eat dogs,” I said. “The Chinese, for instance. They consider dog meat a real treat.”

Their smiles vanished and their eyes turned to the driver.

“Hey, Mr. Kidnapper!” Sweetie yelled. “You’re not going to sell us to the Chinese, are you? Mr. Kidnapper!”

But the diver ignored them. He probably didn’t speak dog.

Soon the car was slowing down, and then turned off the road, gravel crunching under the wheels until it pulled to a stop.

“I think we’re there,” said Sweetie. “I think this is it.”

“Oh, I do hope it’s Dubai and not China,” said Molly breathlessly.

The window zipped down and a man looked in on us. I couldn’t see his face, but I could tell he wasn’t happy. Partly from the colorful curses he uttered and partly from the way he slammed his fist against the roof of the car, making us all jump up. “You’ve got to be kidding me!” he cried.