Purrfectly Royal. Purrfect Cut. Purrfect Trap

“So that’s why we were so happy when Nicky found Jay. He’s like the brother he never had. Always together, never a cross word.”

“But… we haven’t received a report about a Jay missing,” said Chase.

“Probably because Jay’s folks are out of town,” said Alma.

“When they’re away—and they often are—Jay stays with his aunt,” said Mark.

“We called her last night, to tell her about what happened, but she didn’t seem overly concerned.”

“She seems to think Nicky and Jay ran into town to go to the movies or to the mall.”

“We told her Nicky wouldn’t do that. He wouldn’t just go off on his own. But she laughed and said we didn’t know Nicky as well as she did, and then hung up on us.”

“So there’s another little boy missing, and we weren’t even told?” said Chase with a frown.

“Is it possible that they did go into town?” asked Gran. “That they did go to the movies? Boys being boys, I mean.”

Both parents shook their heads decidedly.“No way,” said Alma. “Nicky knows not to do that.”

“We’ve always been very protective of him,” Mark explained.

“Maybe a little overprotective,” Nicky’s mother added.

“We were so happy when we had him, and also afraid of losing him, that he knows not to run off without telling us and scaring us half to death in the process.”

“No, ma’am,” said Alma decidedly. “Someone took our boy. Just took him like that.”

Chapter 27

Colin Duffer watched the angry crowd that had gathered outside his shop with concern. He didn’t like the crowd, even though he knew he should. The crowd irked him, but at the same time the crowd also showed that their strategy, once deemed so risky and outrageous, had won through to success in spite of the odds.

“I hate those people,” he said.

His brother, watching the mob scene with an air of detachment, retorted,“Don’t hate them. Love them. They are our customers, Colin. Our hapless, dimwitted customers, and they’re all crazy about our product.”

“Yeah, so crazy that they’re about to knock out our windows and drag us out into the street so they can beat us up.”

“Nah, they’ll never go that far. Though it would be a testament to their enthusiasm for the Duffer.”

Colin sighed.“You do realize we’re losing money, don’t you? And not making it?”

“As soon as we’re fully stocked on Duffers again we’ll be swimming in cash, buddy. It’ll be like printing money, and we don’t even have to go through the tedious process of installing a printing press and becoming counterfeiters. All we have to do is create more Duffers. Easy as pie. Or sausage.”

“So what’s taking so long?”

“Technical issues. Our technicians are working on it. When you move to a fully automated production process there’s always kinks to be ironed out at first. But as soon as everything is up to speed we’ll be able to crank out twice as many Duffers as before.”

“We should never have built that new plant,” Colin grumbled. “We were doing fine.”

“You can’t stop progress, little brother. Or have you forgotten about the Chinese?”

“Setting up a production line in China shouldn’t pose a problem,” Colin admitted.

“Though we’ll have to tweak the formula, of course.”

“Of course,” Colin agreed.

“We did a blind taste test in Beijing last week.”

“And?”

“They loved it! Absolutely loved the Duffer!”

“Do you think we could try the Chinese formula over here?”

“Why not? But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Let’s stick to the tried and true for now.”

“For now,” Colin agreed. They both stared at the seething masses protesting on the sidewalk, then Colin said, “Did I tell you that a reporter dropped by the house earlier?”

“No, you didn’t. What did she want?”

“Oh, the usual. The history of the Duffer, for a puff piece in theGazette.”

“Soon there will be puff pieces in theTimes,Good Housekeeping,USA Today…”

“Do you really think all this exposure is a good idea?”

“A good idea! It’s free publicity, bro. And besides, all publicity is good publicity. So keep the bloodhounds from the press coming, and we’ll keep serving them Duffers.”

But as Colin watched the mob shouting slogans about bringing the Duffer back, he couldn’t help experiencing those niggling doubts playing havoc with his nervous system.

Chris might be the glass-half-full kind of guy, but he wasn’t. He also knew the tremendous risks they had taken—and were still taking. Then again, every successful business person took risks. Their father had taken the same risks, and their grandfather before him. Their current risks might be a little bigger than theirs, but the rewards they’d reap would have made papa and grandpapa proud. At least if they managed to get the new Duffer into stores. If not, that mob would destroy them as soon as praise them.

[Êàðòèíêà: img_2]

Uncle Alec opened his eyes. He discovered to his surprise that he’d fallen asleep. He’d been lying on his side on the hard floor and had been sure he’d never be able to find sleep, but somehow his tired body had taken over and shut down for a refreshing nap.

He didn’t feel all that refreshed, though. More as if he’d been put on the rack. He got up and stretched his sore limbs, and saw that Elon in the cell across from him had the same idea.

“And?” Elon asked, a vague hope in his voice. “Any ideas on how to get us out of here?”

“None,” said Alec.

“Hey, you’re the chief of police, man. You’re paid to come up with ideas.”

“Well, I’m sorry to say I’m not a professional escape artist, all right?”

“You don’t have to bite my nose off. I’m just saying. If you can’t get us out of here, who can? I’m just a shelf stacker who got lucky and won Mega Millions.” He glanced over to the third prisoner, still tucked away in his cell right next to Alec.

“Don’t look at me,” Bertie grumbled. “I’m just an insurance broker who got unlucky when his wife decided to favor a hairy bald traveling salesman over her husband.”

In spite of their predicament, Alec laughed.“How can a man be hairy and bald at the same time?”

“Trust me, it’s possible,” grunted Bertie.

They were all silent for a beat, and Alec frowned when he focused on the noise that seemed to be coming from behind the door to his left.“Do you guys hear that?” he asked.

“Sounds like cats,” said Elon.

“Yeah, cats,” Alec confirmed. “And a lot of them.”

Suddenly a bear of a man wearing a mask passed by their cells, put his ear to the door where the caterwauling was coming from, then pounded the door with his fist. “Shut up, you stupid creatures!” The cats ignored his instructions, for the caterwauling continued in full force. “Stupid animals,” the man muttered, then gave the door a kick with his booted foot for good measure and walked away.

“Hey, buddy,” said Elon. “How long are you going to keep us down here?”

“Yeah, I’m hungry,” said Bertie. “When are you going to feed us again?”

But the man didn’t even deign them with a response. He simply walked off and quickly disappeared from view, his feet slapping up what sounded like stone steps.

“He doesn’t look like a serial killer,” said Elon.

“And how would you know what a serial killer looks like?” said Alec.

“No, I mean, he doesn’t give off that serial killer vibe.”

“I think the mask tells it all,” said Bertie.

“What does it tell?” asked Elon.

“Well, if he really wanted to kill us, in a serial-killer way, I mean, would he be wearing that mask? I don’t think so.”

‘You’re absolutely right,” said Elon. “That mask tells a story. That mask tells us that he doesn’t want to be recognized, and if he really was planning to kill us, he wouldn’t be afraid of being recognized, ergo he’s not planning to kill us but only going to keep us here for a while and then…” He broke off, and frowned deeply. “Um…”

“And then what?” asked Alec. “Do you really think he abducted us just for the heck of it, and locked us down here just so he could let us go at some point? Think again, bud.”

“You don’t have to be such a negative Nelly, buddy,” said Elon, looking hurt. “I’m just trying to keep the atmosphere light and pleasant, you know, for all our sakes.”

“It’s always possible he’s a shy serial killer, though,” said Bertie. “Which would explain the mask. Or maybe he has some sort of facial deformity. The whole cats thing worries me, though. It’s just like a serial killer to have some sort of weird cat fixation.”

“Oh, my god, don’t you see!” said Elon.

“See what?” asked Alec, who was starting to wonder when the comedy double act he was locked up with would stop talking and let him think.

“That’s what’s going on here! Some kind of secret government experiment. There’s us, in here, and the cats, in there, and…” He frowned, and Alec thought he could actually see steam pouring from the poor guy’s ears. But then he deflated. “Nah,” he said. “I thought I was onto something, but it’s gone.”

“Look, you keep forgetting that I saw his face,” said Alec. “So I don’t know why he would wear a mask, since I already know what he looks like. Plus, since I was talking to the guy when I got knocked out, he’s got an accomplice who’s very handy with a club.”

“Food for thought,” said Elon, nodding. “You’re giving me a lot to work with, chief.”

[Êàðòèíêà: img_2]

“What’s taking them so long?” asked Harriet irritably.

“I’m sure they’re talking to Odelia right now,” said Brutus. “And then Odelia will call Chase, and before you know it they will come charging in here and set us all free.”

“I’m not so sure,” said Clarice. “Harriet is right. They should have been here by now. How long has it been? An hour? Two? Even cats as slow as Max and Dooley should have made the trip and returned by now.”

“See?” said Harriet. “Clarice thinks I’m right. And you know Clarice, Brutus. Clarice knows. Clarice is smart. Clarice has been through stuff. So when she says it’s taking them too long, she knows what she’s talking about.”

“I haven’t been in thisexact type of situation, if that’s what you’re saying,” said Clarice.

“No, I don’t mean to… I mean… not to make you feel…” She laughed helplessly.

Brutus stared at his mate. He’d never seen Harriet lost for words before, or flustered. Either their current surroundings were having an adverse effect on her, or she was actually feeling intimidated by Clarice. Which was very well possible, of course. After all, he felt intimidated by Clarice practically all of the time and today was no exception.

“I think the only solution will be to claw our way out of this one,” said Clarice now, paying no attention to Harriet’s weird ramblings. She’d been eyeing the door and now walked over. Harriet and Brutus followed her.

“What do you mean, claw our way out?” asked Brutus.

“What do you think I mean, musclehead?” She pointed to the door. “What do you see?”

“Um… a door?” said Brutus.

“And next to the door?”

“Um… the wall?”

“Oh, God,” Clarice groaned. “You wouldn’t survive a day in the wild. See those hinges? They’re only kept in place with a prayer and a whisper.”

“A prayer… and a whisper?” asked Harriet.

“Just give me a paw, will you?” grunted Clarice, and dug a formidable claw into the lowest hinge. Immediately a large chunk of old and rotten cement dropped out.

Brutus exchanged a look of confusion with Harriet. They still didn’t see it.

“That door is hinged,” said Clarice. “But when we do this…” She removed another thick piece of cement. “It becomes unhinged, see?”

Harriet laughed a nervous little laugh.“I think Clarice is becoming unhinged,” she whispered in Brutus’s ear.

“I heard that,” said Clarice. “Now are you going to give me a paw or what?”

And then Brutus suddenly saw the light.“If those hinges drop out…” he said slowly.

“The door drops out!” said Harriet. “That’s brilliant, Clarice.”

“Simple physics,” said Clarice.

“Shanille! Guys!” Harriet shouted. “Come here a minute, will you?”

In a few words Clarice explained the plan, and soon a dozen cats were working away at those old hinges, scraping off cement and rust and working like good little beavers.

“Now isn’t that a sight for sore eyes?” said Clarice as she stood back to admire the work in progress.

“I think your plan is going to work, Clarice,” said Brutus.

“No, I mean, have you ever seen cats work together as a team like that before?”

“Um… well, Max and Dooley and Harriet and I often work as a team.”

“Yeah, but you’re an anomaly. Normally cats are loners. But this… this is beautiful.”

“Yeah,” Brutus agreed. “It’s something, huh?”

“Don’t just stand there with your thumb up your butt!” Harriet yelled to Brutus. “Come over here and help us out, will you?!”

Clarice grinned.“You better do as you’re told, Brutus. Or there will be hell to pay.”

He quickly moved over to where Harriet was digging her claws into the cement. Soon Clarice joined them, and together they made short shrift of the door. And then, suddenly, a wonderful sound: the door was creaking and squeaking, and as Clarice yelled,“Timber!” and all cats got out of the way, the heavy door suddenly dropped down, kicking up some of that ancient and smelly dust. For a moment, no cat spoke. They just stared at the gaping hole. And then they all raced for the exit, and the exodus began.

Chapter 28

The door of the van was opened again, and this time Dooley and I were ready to pounce. Only there wasn’t anything to pounce on! Instead, it was the same story as before: the contents of the van were poured into the dark hole, and since there was only one way to go, all cats fled in that direction. Soon we landed in that same dank dungeon, only this time there was a big difference: there wasn’t a single cat in sight.

“Where did they all go?” asked Dooley.

And then I saw it: the door to the dungeon had collapsed and the road to freedom was open. In the distance I could still see a couple of stragglers, so whatever miracle had caused that sturdy old door to collapse had only happened in the last couple of minutes.

So I said,“Let’s go, Dooley. Run!” And run, we did!

Milo, who’d been looking around with a dumb look on his face, said, “Where are my Cat Snax? Where is the Cat Snax team? And where is the plane to Vegas!”

But I wasn’t going to hold his paw and escort him out of there. If he wanted to stay put, he was more than welcome. But since Dooley has a much bigger heart than me, he couldn’t allow that to happen, so he said, patiently, “We have to escape, Milo. Or else we’ll all be locked up in here and then who knows what they’ll do to us.”

He gave us a sheepish look.“Um, yeah, I guess you’re right. Thanks.”

And then we made our way to the exit as one cat, running as fast as our little legs could carry us, which, I can tell you from experience, is pretty darn fast.

And as we raced through the next room in this vast underground lair, I suddenly saw a familiar figure sitting on the floor inside what looked like a man-made cage.

“Hey, Uncle Alec!” I shouted, for it was him. Uncle Alec looked up.

“Max?” he said when he caught sight of me. “Is that you?”

“Don’t go anywhere,” I said. “We’ll go and get help.”

“Go and get help! I’ll stay here!” he said, sounding like a cuckoo clock.

And then we were tripping up a pair of moss-covered, slick stone stairs.

Once upstairs, Dooley said,“Oh, I’ve been here before.”

And so he had. So now it was his turn to lead the way. We all followed him into a room that had once been inhabitable, then onto a windowsill, and following in Dooley’s pawsteps we made the jump down to the ground, narrowly avoiding glass shards, brambles, and decaying pieces of wood, and then we were out. And free at last!

And suddenly I saw three familiar figures exiting the house next door.

Odelia, Chase, and Gran!

[Êàðòèíêà: img_2]

Marco Lynd had just run down to the corner shop for a six-pack and some frozen pizza and was coming up on the old Buschmann house, his trusty dog Boomer on a tight leash, when a strange sight met his eyes. From inside the house, a sea of cats was emerging, and of course no one was there to stop them.

So he broke into a run.“Gordo!” he shouted. “Gordo!”

Releasing Boomer from his leash, he ran into the house, then straight into the kitchen, where he and Gordo had set up their headquarters.

Of course Gordo was watching a game on the small-screen TV. A swarthy man with thick eyebrows, a bushy beard and a distinct stoop, he barked,“Finally! Where have you been, buddy? I’m starving!” And he reached for the six-pack and cracked one loose.

“The cats!” Marco said, panting. “They’re…”

“They’re what?”

“They’re escaping, you moron!”

Gordo’s eyes went wide, and he sprang from his seat, or he would have if he hadn’t tipped his chair back, and it now overbalanced and dumped its occupant on the floor, open beer can and all. The beer doused his beard and made a mess, and by the time Marco helped his buddy up and they were out of thekitchen, the cats were long gone.

“Dammit!” Marco cried, and threw his ball cap on the floor for good measure, then stomped on it. Contrary to Gordo, he was thin and rangy, but that didn’t mean he was in better shape. And he didn’t feel like going off on a wild cat chase.

He searched around for Boomer, and found him whimpering behind a nearby bush, a bloody scratch mark across his nose.“Too many for you to handle, huh, buddy?” he said, patting the dog affectionately. Boomer loved chasing cats, but when faced with a hundred of the damn creatures, he’d clearly had to admit defeat.

Gordo was already on the phone.“Got some bad news for you, sir,” he said. “Yeah, the cats escaped. Yeah, all of them.” He held the phone away from his ear while a stream of profanities burst from the phone, then held it closer to his ear again. “So what do you want us to do now, sir?”

The response was short and powerful, and Gordo put down his phone.

“Well? What did he say?”

“We have to catch them.”

“But we just went and done that!”

“I know. So now we should go and do it again.”

“No way!” said Marco, and stomped on his ball cap some more. Only this time a piece of glass had found itself underfoot, and it sneakily sliced into his big toe. And as he was dancing on one leg, he suddenly noticed a woman running in the direction of the house.

It was that nosy reporter. The one who wrote for theHampton Cove Gazette. And when he looked beyond her, he saw she wasn’t alone. That damn cop was with her.

Chapter 29

The moment Odelia saw a swarm of cats spread out across the road, she halted in her tracks. They’d just walked out of the August house and she’d glanced at the neighboring house, wondering why her intuition suddenly told her to take a closer look, when she suddenly recognized Max, Dooley, Harriet and Brutus!

“It’s them!” she yelled. “Chase, Gran! It’s the cats!”

And then she was running along the road. The moment she reached her darlings, they jumped into her arms, and buried their faces into her neck.

“Finally,” she said. “Finally I found you.”

“Or we found you!” Dooley said, and he was right, of course.

Gran had also run up, and Chase, and they all stared at the old house.

“We were held in there,” said Max. “In an underground room.”

“And Uncle Alec is also in there,” Dooley added.

“He’s being held in a cage,” Max said.

Odelia cut a quick glance to Chase, and he nodded, a grim set to his face. He took out his phone and called it in. And as he was talking to Dolores, giving her instructions, a white van suddenly emerged from the back of the house, and burst through the rickety old fence, then shot out onto the road. It quickly righted itself, then sped right past them. As it did, Odelia saw two men staring back at her: a bearded one, and a scraggly one.

“That’s them!” said Max. “That’s the men that abducted us!”

“I’m on it,” said Chase, and hurried back to his pickup. He wasted no time firing up the engine and then he was roaring away, in hot pursuit of the suspicious van.

“Let’s take a look inside the house,” said Odelia. And along with Gran, and her cats, she set foot for the dilapidated old structure.

Max and Dooley led the way, and as they stepped over a bunch of rubble and decaying carpet, then down some slippery stone steps into the basement, it didn’t take them long to find the cell where Uncle Alec was locked up, along with two more men.

“Oh, thank God,” said Alec. “Once I saw Max and Dooley zipping past, I had a feeling it wouldn’t be long before you got here.”

“Where are the keys?” asked Odelia.

“No idea. Probably upstairs somewhere. Where’s the guard? The bearded giant?”

“Fled,” said Odelia curtly. “Chase is chasing him.”

“Oh, and he’ll get him,” said Alec. “Chase always gets his guy.”

“And so do we,” said Odelia, as she gave her uncle’s hand a squeeze through the bars of his cell.

“Really, Alec?” said Gran. “Couldn’t you keep out of trouble just this once?”

“Nice to see you, too, ma,” said Alec.

“Next time you decide to get yourself kidnapped you should think first.”

“Hey, it’s not as I chose to get nabbed, ma.”

“I’m old, Alec, and my ticker ain’t what it used to be. Did you stop to think what all this stress would do to your poor old mother? Huh?”

“I’m sorry, ma,” said Alec dutifully. “I’m sorry for allowing myself to get snatched.”

“Now go and get me those keys,” Gran told Odelia. “So I can give my son a hug, for Christ’s sakes.”

“Please get my keys, too!” a young man shouted. He had a big zit on the tip of his nose.

“And mine, please, miss!” yelled a bespectacled man in a rumpled brown suit and Burlington socks.

Odelia scaled those stairs as quick as she could, and searched around upstairs. She soon found herself in an old kitchen, the only place that seemed to display recent signs of life, and saw a bunch of rusty old keys lying on the table, next to an ashtray, and a pile of car magazines. She grabbed the keys from the table and hurried back down the stairs, then fumbled with them until she found the right one, and was able to spring her uncle from his prison.

She quickly repeated the procedure with the other two prisoners. One introduced himself as Elon Pope, the lottery winner, and the other as Bertie Balk, the insurance broker with the wife trouble. Both men were over the moon. The story they all told them was the same: they’d found themselves in the vicinity of the Buschmann place, and had been knocked out by a blow to the occipital bone, at which point they must have been dragged downstairs and locked up. To what purpose, they did not know.

“Let’s find out if there are more prisoners,” said Alec, giving his mother a big hug.

And much to Odelia’s surprise, Gran actually got all teary-eyed. “Thank Odelia, and thank those cats!” she said with a shaky voice when Alec started to thank her. “I was just along for the ride!”

“Thanks, honey,” said Alec as he gratefully hugged his niece.

“You’re welcome,” she said, extremely gratified at how everything had turned out.

“Over here, Odelia!’ cried Max, and they all hurried over. Max and the others were in front of a locked door. Behind it, they could hear muffled shouts and pounding.

“It could be more of the bad guys,” said Gran as they deliberated their next move.

“So?” said Alec. “I’m more than ready to tackle them if they try any funny business.”

“Besides,” said Odelia. “Would bad guys lock other bad guys up?”

“Doubtful,” Gran agreed.

“Oh, just open the door already!” cried Elon, who couldn’t stand the tension.

Odelia tried several keys until one fit, and as the door swung open she was surprised to find herself staring into the faces of… two young boys.

Nicky and Jay.

Chapter 30

I was so glad to see my human again that I’d almost forgotten about Uncle Alec. Locked downstairs in that dark, dank cell. Luckily Odelia was so clever to find the right key to let him out, and then two other men, and when they found those two kids, I was starting to see this was all part of some bigger thing. After all, who would want to lock up grown men, little kids, and a bunch of cats in the basement of an abandoned house?

There was definitely something nefarious going on, and I couldn’t wait to find out what it was.

And so when Odelia went in search of more potential victims, while Gran and Alec took the two boys upstairs, along with the two other prisoners, Dooley, Harriet, Brutus and I decided to join her as she went door to door, looking for a solution to this mystery.

Unfortunately—though I should probably say fortunately—we didn’t find more prisoners. What we did find was another staircase, leading even deeper underground.

“I don’t know if I want to go down there,” said Harriet as we stared into the darkness.

“It does look very spooky,” Odelia agreed.

“Maybe we should wait until Chase is back,” said Harriet. “He’ll know what to do.”

“That could take a long time,” said Brutus. “Those bad guys could be halfway to Canada by now.”

“Chase will catch them,” I said. “Didn’t you hear what Uncle Alec said? Chase always gets his man.”

“Maybe we should wait until the police arrive,” said Odelia, then flicked on the Torch app on her phone and let the light play across the wall and those mysterious stairs.

“And what if there are more kids locked up downstairs?” I asked. “Or cats?”

That decided Odelia. She steeled herself, then put her foot on the first step.“I’m going in, you guys. Who’s with me?”

“We’re right behind you, Odelia,” I said, and also took a step down.

“I’m not going,” said Harriet. “I’ll bet there are rats down there. Big rats. Not nice ones like you see in the movies. I’ll bet the rats down there are huge. And really mean.”

“I’ll protect you, sweetie pie,” said Brutus, bravely pushing out his chest.

“Thanks, but no thanks. I’m staying right here. But go if you must.”

But since Brutus didn’t want to leave his lady love to fend for herself in case there were big nasty rats on this level as well, it was just me and Dooley and Odelia who finally made our way down into the bowels of the earth. Or, as Harriet had pointed out, a potential rat’s nest.

We’d reached the last step when the light from Odelia’s phone hit a steel door. Next to it was a switch, and when she flipped it, light flooded the stairwell.

“That’s much better,” I said. “I hate the dark.”

Odelia laughed.“But you’re a cat, Max. You’re supposed to love the dark.”

“Well, I don’t. Besides, it’s a myth that cats can see in the dark. We can’t.”

“We can see more than humans do, though,” said Dooley.

“That doesn’t mean I have to love the dark.”

His face fell.“You mean… there might be monsters?”

Dooley has a thing about monsters. When he was younger he was always afraid that monsters might be hiding under the bed, and always took a running leap whenever he wanted to jump up on the bed. He also instructed me to stand near the bed when he jumped, in case a monster reached out a tentacle and tried to make a grab for him.

Never once did I see a tentacle, though, or a monster’s claw. Still, as I indicated before, I’m not a big fan of the dark either. You never know what’s lurking there, right?

Odelia tried several keys, but none of them proved a fit. Then I noticed a little red button right next to the light switch, and directed her attention to it. She pushed it, and the door swung open with a click. The moment we stepped through, lights switched on in the space that lay beyond, and much to my surprise we found ourselves standing inside a very large and industrial-looking room, with all kinds of gleaming machines.

“It looks like… a factory,” I said.

“It does,” Odelia agreed. And as she walked towards the machine closest to us, she picked up what looked like a stack of plastic casings. She held one up. It was long and transparent. “Oh, my God,” said Odelia, her eyes widening. “I think I know what this is!”

We walked further into the room, and she crouched down next to a box standing near another big machine. She picked out an object and triumphantly showed it to us.

“Is that a sausage?” asked Dooley.

“No, it’s not,” said Odelia with a smile. “It’s a saucisse.” She gestured to the state-of-the-art equipment. “If I’m not mistaken, this is a meat-processing plant.” She walked over to a machine that stretched out along the wall. “See, this is where the meat goes into the machine, and over there is where it’s stuffed inside these casings. And at the end of the whole process is a packaging machine, where the finished product is boxed up.”

And to prove her point, suddenly a man came walking up to us. He had a small object in his hand. The object was a gun, I now saw, and it was aimed straight at Odelia’s chest!

Chapter 31

“Miss Poole,” said the man, whom Odelia recognized as Chris Duffer. “My brother told me you’ve been snooping around.”

“It’s over, Mr. Duffer,” she said. “The police are on their way. So you better drop that gun and come with me.”

“Thank you for the kind invitation, but I’ll take my chances.” He gestured to the installation. “What a sight, right? This is where the next-generation Duffer was supposed to go into production. In fact this plant should have been up and running already, spitting out thousands of Duffers, but last-minute hitches kept cropping up, baffling my technicians and pushing back the launch. And now, I presume, the whole thing is off.”

“So why did you lock up my uncle? And those two little boys? Did they see something they were not supposed to? Did they catch a glimpse of your family’s secret formula?”

He gave her a look of incredulity.“You haven’t figured it out yet? Shame on you, Miss Poole. I thought you were smarter. But now if you’ll excuse me, I better be going.”

And before she could stop him, he’d walked off, and quickly disappeared from view, his footsteps echoing on the concrete floor.

“Stop!” she yelled, and broke into a run. But of course he knew his way around the place a lot better than she did. A door was slammed shut, and when she raced in the direction of the sound, she quickly reached a steel door on the other side of the large space. She yanked open the door and found herself in an underground garage, just in time to see a gray Mercedes drive off, then up a concrete ramp, and vanish from view.

There were several trucks parked down there in what she assumed was a loading dock for the meat processing factory.

Max and Dooley came bursting through the door.“Odelia!” said Max. “You have to see this!”

She followed them back inside, up a few steps into a control room that overlooked the factory floor. There were several consoles from where the production could be monitored, and screens that showed the various stages of the process, from raw meat to finished boxed-up sausage. Everything looked state-of-the-art and brand-new.

Max and Dooley had moved to the far corner, to a small wall safe.

“What do you think is inside?” asked Max. “Money? Jewels? Gold?”

“Something far more valuable,” she said, crouching down, and as she put her hand to the safe door handle, she discovered that it was open. Chris Duffer’s technicians, whoever they were, must have left it open. She reached inside and took out a small leather-bound notebook. It was old and well-thumbed, and as she leafed through it, saw that it contained notes on how to produce the perfect Duffer, notes probably going back decades, to the first Duffer ever to produce a Duffer. Part of the notes was written in a language she didn’t know, but translations had been provided, in the form ofa folded document. She unfolded it, and when she read through its contents, gasped in shock.

It contained a list of ingredients for the Duffer:

- Beef 40%

- Pork 30%

- Chicken 20%

- Feline 5%

- Human 1%

-‘Proprietary Duffer Mix’ 4%

“Oh, my God,” said Odelia, bringing a shocked hand to her face. She reeled, and had to grab the steel door of the small safe to steady herself.

“What is it, Odelia?” asked Dooley.

“The secret ingredients of the Duffer,” she said. “One percent human flesh, and five percent cat meat.”

Both Max and Dooley gulped.“Oh, my,” said Max softly.

In the distance, she heard sirens, and she knew that soon the entire police force of Hampton Cove would descend on the Buschmann house. The Duffers’ secret was out…

“Do you think this is a new concept?” asked Max. “Or have they been adding human and cat meat to their famous sausages all this time?”

“I don’t know, Max,” said Odelia, who couldn’t imagine anyone would do such a thing. And to think Gran had feasted from these Duffers, and so had her mom and dad. And then she remembered she’d taken a bite herself, and was suddenly sick to the stomach.

“Oh, look,” said Dooley. “The ingredient list for the Proprietary Duffer Mix.”

He was pointing to the bottom of the document she’d dropped to the floor.

She nodded absently, still fighting to keep down the contents of her stomach.

“What is MDMA, Max?” asked Dooley, reading from the list.

“What?!” cried Odelia, picking up the document again. And there it was, at the bottom of a long list of harmless ingredients like onion, garlic, wine, vinegar, pepper and salt: MDMA. Also known as XTC.

“So that’s why everyone loves those Duffers so much,” she muttered.

Against the back wall of the control room a glass-door display fridge had been placed, and when she saw the box of Duffers inside she got up and opened the door with shaking hands, taking one out of the box. She turned it over in her hands. No mention of human or cat meat, of course, or MDMA. How had the Duffers gotten away with this for so long?

She needed fresh air. So she staggered down the few steps from the control room, then into the loading dock and up the ramp. She took out her phone and called Chase.

He picked up at the first ring.

“You’ll never know what I just discovered,” she said.

“Yes, I caught those guys, thanks for asking,” said Chase, sounding energized. Nothing like a good car chase to put the pep in a police officer.

“Do you want to know the secret ingredient of the Duffer?”

“The Duffer? You mean the sausage?”

“Colin and Chris Duffer had a meat processing plant constructed right underneath the Buschmann house, probably figuring no one would ever look there. And do you know why they kidnapped all those cats?”

There was silence at the other end while Chase processed this, then said, in a low voice.“No way…”

“Five percent cat meat and one percent human meat.”

“Human meat!”

“And a few scoops of MDMA.”

“XTC? For real?”

“You better get over here. Oh, and Chris Duffer just made a run for it in a gray Mercedes, so you’ll have to track him down, too.”

“I’ll get on it right away,” he promised. “And I’ll tell the coroner to get out there, too. If they used human meat, we need to find out who those victims were, and where their remains are buried.” He paused. “If there are any remains left, of course.”

“This is worse than I imagined, Chase.”

“Hang in there, babe. I’m on my way.”

Max and Dooley had joined her as they walked up along the ramp.

“I think Alka-Seltzer sales will go through the roof the next couple of days,” said Max.

“And a lot of Duffers will be dumped into the garbage disposal,” said Dooley.

“Oh, God. You’re right, Dooley!” said Odelia, and took out her phone again. This time she called Dan. After she’d told him the story, and given him time to digest it, she said, “Can you put an alert on the website for people to bring all of their Duffers to the police station? I think they’ll want to examine them.”

“Will do,” said Dan. “This is a real horror story you just told me, Odelia,” he added, sounding entirely too happy, then promptly hung up to start working on the story.

They’d arrived above ground, where the ramp led straight to a short exit road.

“Clever,” she said. The ramp, and as a consequence the exit and entrance to the factory, was well-hidden from the neighboring houses, and if the Duffers were smart about it, they could have limited transportation to the wee hours of the morning, and kept the production facility concealed from nosy neighbors, or the authorities.

“Devious,” Max corrected her.

“I think we better get back to the house. This is going to be a long day, you guys.”

“And a long night.”

She crouched down and held up her hand. Two paws immediately followed suit, and the three of them high-fived.“Well done,” she said. “If it hadn’t been for you…”

“We didn’t do much this time,” said Dooley. “We got caught, escaped, then got caught again, and escaped again. The real hero is Clarice. She busted everyone out of that place.”

“I’m going to buy her a big slice of…” She grimaced. “Have you ever considered becoming vegetarians?”

Two pairs of cat’s eyes stared back at her with abject horror.

“I guess not. Well, I don’t know about you, but I’m never eating meat again.”

Epilogue

“Yuck,” said Harriet. “I’m never eating meat again. Ever! Never, never, never!”

“Yeah, you say that now,” said Brutus soothingly.

“Cats have to eat meat,” said Dooley. “It was on the Discovery Channel. We’re carmovores.”

“Carnivores,” I corrected him.

“That’s what I said. Carmovores. Which means we have to eat meat or we get sick and die.”

“What about humans?” asked Harriet. “Are they karmaboars, too?”

“Carnivores,” I muttered as I let my gaze drift across the backyard.

“I guess. I’m not sure, though,” said Dooley.

“Oh, they didn’t showthat on your Discovery Channel, did they?” Harriet said, getting a little worked up. “They didn’t say that humans eat cats! And little boys and fat police chiefs!”

“Would you call Uncle Alec fat?” I said.

We all fastened our eyes on Odelia’s uncle.

“He is a little pudgy around the middle,” said Brutus. “Which is probably why those crooks chose him to be turned into a sausage.”

“Come, come, Brutus,” I said. “They were never going to turn Uncle Alec into a sausage, or any of those other prisoners, for that matter.”

“I know that’s what those Duffers told the police, but I don’t believe one word they’re saying,” said Harriet stubbornly.

“Well, I do,” I said. “And lab tests bear out their version of the story as well.”

“Lab tests can be manipulated.”

“Of course they can,” I said, not wanting to get into an argument with Harriet when she was like this.

“They should never have moved production of the Duffer from Romania to the US,” said Brutus. “If they hadn’t, none of this would have happened.”

“They would have kept on putting dead Romanians in our sausages!” Harriet said.

Abe Cornwall, the county coroner, had conducted several tests and the Duffers that were sold through the Duffer Store did indeed contain human flesh, but the Duffers had explained they used to buy up bodies from local Romanian morgues and hospitals and used those in their sausages. They also bought up cat cadavers from local vets. In fact they’d established such solid relations with their suppliers over the years they’d even had a town called after them in Grandpa Duffer’s birth country. But since Romania had joined the EU, laws had become a lot stricter, and food safety had become an issue, as had the crackdown on rampant corruption. So much so that they’d run out of cadavers at some point—the real reason for the sudden lack of Duffers—and had to find a solution.

So they’d decided to move production to the US and had made a deal with the Cosa Nostra to take over their dead. Instead of burying their enemies in concrete or dumping them in the East River, the mobsters were to put them on ice and sell them to the Duffers by the pound. And as far as cats was concerned, with seventy-five million cats, the US is the country with the largest cat population in the world, so supply wasn’t an issue.

“Is it true they added dog meat to the Chinese Duffer?” asked Brutus.

“It would appear so,” I said. “The Chinese were apparently crazy about the Duffer.”

“I can’t believe the chances they took,” said Brutus. “They should have known that people would go to the police when their cats started to go missing.”

“Yeah, well, they were under tremendous pressure. They needed fresh Duffers and they needed them quick. Demand was increasing by leaps and bounds but production in Romania had ground to a halt, and if they couldn’t deliver soon, their customers might go to the competition and they would have missed a golden opportunity.”

“I thought they said every Duffer was handmade? Here in the US?” said Brutus.

“That’s the story they told their customers. In actual fact the Duffers have always been made in a factory in Romania, ever since the first Duffer was put inside its casing.”

“I still can’t believe how anyone could do such a thing,” said Harriet.

In the backyard, the party was in full swing, though it wasn’t much of a party. After the events of the past week, the entire Poole family had decided to go vegetarian. So no more sausages, or steaks, or ribs. From now on only tofu was on the menu, and lentils. And as Uncle Alec stared morosely into his dish of lentils, he didn’t look happy.

The FDA had swept down on Hampton Cove, and the attention the whole case had garnered had really put the spotlight on our small community. The Duffer was national news, and camera crews roamed the streets, eager to interview Duffer fans.

The scandal had forced Mayor Turner to step down, as well as the secretary of agriculture, and the head of the FDA. In fact the Duffer had caused a lot of heads to roll.

Anti-meat activists and representatives from animal rights organizations had also swept down on Hampton Cove, and our town had become the center of attention. Chief Alec probably would have been forced to step down, too, if he hadn’t been one of the victims, and instead had become a popular guest on late-night talk shows. He was even rumored to be the next mayor, though I had my doubts about that.

Uncle Alec loves being chief of police, and once the hubbub died down, as no doubt it would, he’d still be chief, and some whippersnapper would become the new mayor.

Uncle Alec kept pushing his lentils around his plate.

“Delicious, right?” said Marge.

“Oh, yeah,” he said, forcing a smile.

“Well, eat up. It’s good for you.”

“Uh-huh,” said Alec, and managed to swallow a whole spoon without wincing. A definite improvement.

Tex didn’t look happy, either, but that was mainly because he’d been relieved from his duties as grill master. Tough to be a grill master when there’s nothing to grill. Though he could have tried his hand at the tofu, of course. Difficult to burn tofu. Though I was sure he would give it his best shot.

“I just hope this whole thing goes away soon,” said Alec. “Those reporters keep showing up at the office, looking for a quote. I’m all out of quotes!”

“I can’t even do my job,” said Odelia, munching on a piece of eggplant. “I’m supposed to chase the story, not be the story. Now they all want to interview me!”

“Well, you did crack the story, honey,” said Marge. “Here. Have some quinoa.”

“Thanks, Mom,” said Odelia without much enthusiasm.

“I’m sure this will all blow over in another week or so,” said Chase as he speared a falafel and put it into his mouth. “New scandals pop up all the time, and when they do, the media horde will descend on some other town. Or go back to Washington or New York.”

He’d had trouble doing his job, too, as he’d been the one to catch Marco and Gordo and had been declared the hero of the hour, along with Odelia. Their picture had even graced the cover ofTime Magazine as the crime-fighting couple of the year.

“So they were never going to turn Alec into a sausage?” asked Tex, not for the first time.

“No, they were not,” said Odelia. “Marco and Gordo had been hired to provide security. Their orders were to make sure no one discovered the new production line. And if they could catch a cat or two, they earned bonus points. Only they took their job a little too seriously, and knocked out anyone who came within fifteen feet of the house.”

“And they figured the more cats they collected, the more money they stood to make,” Chase continued, “so they ended up trapping Hampton Cove’s entire cat population.”

“At least something good came out of it,” Gran murmured. She’d been very quiet throughout dinner, barely touching her plate of yellow split peas. Only now did the others notice she’d been playing with a new toy.

“Is that… a smartphone?” asked Marge.

“Oh, you’ve noticed, have you?” said Gran. “Why, yes, it is, sweet child. Oh, and look what it can do.” And before our eyes, she folded it open. It was a foldable smartphone! “And look what happens now,” Gran continued, clearly in excellent mood. And she folded it closed again. “Why, it’s almost like a miracle, wouldn’t you say? A real foldable phone!”

“Where did you get that?” asked Tex, flabbergasted.

“I have my sources,” said Gran with a smug smile. “Dick Bernstein gave it to me, okay? He’s not as stingy with his money as some people,” she added with a pointed look at Tex.

“Dick Bernstein from the senior center?” asked Marge. “But why would he—”

“Because we’re going steady, all right? He’s always been nuts about me and when I saw him showing off his new phone I told him I’d be his girlfriend if he let me have it.”

“You did what?!” cried Marge.

“Ma, that’s not very nice of you,” said Uncle Alec, but it was obvious his heart wasn’t in the fight. The lack of meat probably had sapped him of his strength.

“Who cares? I wanted a phone, and now I got it. See? It folds open like this, and then it closes again like this. It folds open like this, and—”

“Gran, I don’t think you should…” Odelia began.

“Shush. You’re all jealous of my new phone. So it folds open like this, and then I close it again like this. See? Big screen, small screen. Big screen, small screen. Pretty neat, huh?”

Suddenly there was a light popping sound, and smoke poured out of the phone.

“Eek!” said Gran, and threw the phone into the pot of miso soup.

It made a sizzling sound, and immediately sank to the bottom. And when she fished it out again, and opened it, nothing happened.

“It broke!” she cried. “The damn thing’s gone and died on me!”

“Ah, well,” said Tex, a beautiful smile spreading across his face. “These things happen.”

“It wasn’t even mine!” said Gran. “Dick just said I could borrow it, not break it!”

“I’m sure Dick won’t mind,” said Tex, as he dug into his tofu burger with sudden relish. “In fact I’m sure Dick will be more than happy to buy you another one.”

Before anyone could stop her, Gran had picked up the pot of miso soup and was pouring it out over Tex’s head. “This is all your fault, Ebenezer Scrooge!”

“This is what happens when humans go vegetarian,” said Brutus. “They go nuts.”

“Tell me about it,” I said as I watched Tex fish a piece of tofu from his collar.

Clarice, who was the real, unsung hero of the events that had rocked our town, jumped gracefully up onto the porch swing. She stuck her nose in the air and sniffed.

“So where’s the meat?” she asked. “Where are the sausages? Where are the burger patties? And where’s the steak and fries?”

“No steak, no sausages, and no burger patties,” said Dooley. “And no steak and fries.”

She frowned.“What kind of a barbecue is this? It looks more like a funeral. And why is Tex wearing a soup terrine on his head?”

“I think it’s Berghoff, actually,” I said.

“It’s a vegetarian barbecue, Clarice,” Dooley explained.

Clarice hissed her disappointment.“What nonsense!”

“Yeah, they may never eat meat again,” said Harriet.

We all lapsed into silence. We hadn’t had meat in days, Odelia taking away our regular kibble and soft food and replacing it with a home-made variety consisting of bread, lentils, and vegetables. It was horrible, and I’d never felt so weak and discouraged as I had now. Instead of being feted as heroes, we were being punished. Orat least that’s how it felt. And it wasn’t just us. The whole town had suddenly gone vegetarian.

Suddenly Clarice hopped down from the swing.“I’m off,” she announced curtly.

“Where are you going?” I asked.

“You know me, Max. I’m a strictly meat kind of girl.” And she started walking away. We eagerly stared after her, an empty, rumbling sensation in the pit of our stomachs.

She glanced over her shoulder, then cracked us a smile.“All those who want a tasty morsel of meat, follow me.”

Without a moment’s hesitation, we all jumped off the swing. And then we were chasing after Clarice, who was moving off mightily fast, setting a pretty deft pace.

“Where are we going, Max?” asked Dooley eagerly.

“I have no idea, Dooley, and I don’t care.”

And I didn’t. As long as there was meat at the end of this tunnel, I was on board.

“But what if it’s rat, Max?” asked Dooley. “You know how much Clarice likes rat.”

I wavered, but only briefly.“Don’t be a snob, Dooley,” I said. “Rats are animals, too. And they deserve to be eaten just as much as the next turkey or chicken does.”

And so off we went, into a bright future that held the only thing that can cheer up a cat, even more so than a cuddle or a pat on the head: a nice, tasty morsel of meat.

Yum!