Pushing Up Daisies

CHAPTER 41

“You wanna come outta there?”

Soaked to the skin, legs covered with raised red welts, leaves and twigs stuck to my hat and anorak, I must have presented a ridiculous picture to Sunnyview’s security guard.

With his flashlight, he lit my way out of the brambles, and we got to the entrance of the nursing home just as the patrol car did. Officers Guzman and Smythe tried unsuccessfully to hide their amusement.

“I thought you were going to wait for us, Uncle Rudy,” Guzman said, kissing the security guard.

“We could use a little excitement around here,” he said. “I knew it was nothing I couldn’t handle.”

The cops walked toward me as I sat on the steps of the porch, rubbing the back of my head and drying myself with a towel someone had tossed me. I was bigger news than the bingo game going on inside, so I was garnering quite an audience. All the residents who were ambulatory and not hearing- impaired drifted out to see what was up.

“Are you okay?” Officer Smythe asked.

“I’m all right.”

“I know there’s a very simple explanation for why we’re here. Isn’t there?” He was almost laughing.

“There is. At least, there was a while ago.”

I checked my watch and groaned. It read 54. Somehow I knew my heart rate wasn’t going to be helpful, so I pressed a button on the side of the watch and switched from Workout mode back to Time. It was 10:15. I’d been out there much longer than I realized. I must have passed out when I hit my head.

“I’m not sure what time it was when I saw the truck, but it was just after the rain started.”

“And what truck was that?”

I described the truck but had no information on the vehicle that knocked me into the woods.

“The center closes at three, but a few local businesses have the keys,” Rudy said. “They get special permission from the town, ‘cause they drop off a lot of stuff and they’re too busy during regular hours.” He seemed disappointed I hadn’t been observing aliens or waiting for the mother ship to pick me up.

The cops were satisfied with this explanation, but they, too, looked like they were waiting for another, more outlandish story from me. When, exactly, had I turned into the town loony?

“I didn’t hear any bottles or cans,” I said lamely.

“Maybe it was catalogs, dear,” one of the Sunnyview residents volunteered. “We get so many of them.”

“What if somebody was dumping something they didn’t want anyone to see?” I said, convincing no one. Not even myself.

“We’ll make sure the lock’s not broken, but if they had the key, there’s nothing illegal about accidentally leaving a gate open,” Smythe said.

Guzman was kinder. “What exactly do you think you saw?”

I was uncharacteristically speechless.

“Is there anything else you can tell us about the truck?”

I was grateful she didn’t just blow me off, and I described the truck as best as I could.

“It’s not much to go on. No name on the truck, no plate numbers, probably green, but not sure… tarp in the back.” She reread the list of my useless observations.

I was a lousy witness. I tried to recall anything else, any small detail. I closed my eyes to get a mental picture. In the background, I heard one of the codgers whisper, “What is she doing? Is she going to sleep? Luann Barnhart did that at dinner the other night.”

“The mud flaps had pictures of women on them. You know, hot pants, legs in the air.” I’d just described every other truck in America. I knew how it sounded. I’d staked out a conscientious nursery worker who grumbled about working late. What did I expect them to do, put out an all points bulletin?

“I can find out who’s got keys to the recycling center, but unless we can prove it was someone not on that list, you’re the only one here who’s actually done anything illegal. Technically,” she said, “you were trespassing on Sunnyview property.”

“No, she wasn’t. She’s my guest.” Inez from the thrift shop stepped out of the crowd, happy to be part of the drama. Just as Inez was bailing me out, a black Lexus pulled up, and Hillary Gibson and Gerald Fraser joined the circus on the nursing home’s porch.

The cops were relieved to be let off the hook, and my entertainment value was fading, so the crowd broke up. I could hold my own against bingo but would lose every time against ice cream sundaes, which was the next course in Sunnyview’s dining room.

“Take care of yourself, dear,” Inez said. “She’s one of my best customers,” she said to the others, ushering them back into the building. She’d probably dine on the story for weeks.

“Are you following us?” Gerald asked, once everyone else had gone.

“Of course not. Just a little extracurricular activity that went nowhere.”

“You look like you’re freezing,” Hillary said, looking me over. She took off her large woolen shawl and wrapped it around me. “I’m taking you home.”