Qualityland

President Condemns Drone Attack as Inhumane

by Sandra Admin

During a drone attack on a shopping street today, thirty-two people died in the Jewish quarter of the city of Growth, the pulsating industry center with a heart. Terrorists from QuantityLand 7—“Sunny beaches, fascinating ruins”—claimed responsibility for the attack after just two minutes via QuickClaim, a new What I Need service for activists of all kinds. According to investigations, they used the latest generation of the multi-purpose drone Valkyrie, which QualityCorp—“The company that makes your life better”—is currently offering at a 16-percent-cheaper introductory price. The terrorists equipped it with a self-built explosive device, as depicted in the Number 1 nonfiction bestseller from QuantityLand 7, And It Went Boom: Explosives for Beginners. The victims were a Level 32 female technician from Profit, a Level 64 male business economist from QualityCity, and thirty Useless. Our dying president (thirty-eight days to go) strongly condemned the attack from her deathbed, saying that drone attacks were inhumane, barbaric, and cowardly.

Comments

» BY ERIK TILER:

Well, that’s a given, the president condemning the terror attack—not exactly relevant news! It would only be news if the president had said she supports the attack and doesn’t like Jews very much either. Or it would be news if she had said, “I know one of the terrorists; I was in a Progress Party training camp with him in Profit” or if she had said, “Sorry, I didn’t hear anything about it. What happened? Where is this Growth place, anyway?” That would be news. But this is just time wasting!

» BY ERIK TILER:

And what kind of childish response is it to accuse the terrorists of being cowardly! Would it really have made things any better if they had killed thirty-two people in a “brave” attack?

» BY MELISSA SEX-WORKER:

I’m not racist or anything, but the traiter at the tip of this lobbyist government is distansing herself because it’s actually her who’s guilty, because it was her who let all the terrorrists into the country in the first place—that is if she isn’t in on it with them. The blood is on your hands, Madam President!

» BY TATJANA HISTORY-TEACHER:

Why does no one ever declare “peace on terrorism”? I think it would be a promising new approach…

» BY AMY CUSTOMER-ACCOUNT-MANAGER:

I bought myself a Valkyrie too. It’s a great product. Takes really good photos. I can only recommend it! And right now it’s 16 percent off.