Racing Savannah

Chapter 12. You Can’t Help Who You Love

On Sunday morning after training, I walk over to Whitfield Farms so I can talk to Rory about what happened last night and get a guy’s advice on what happens next. Should I tell Jack I really like him? Or should I be realistic and never bring it up again? Was last night a one-time thing because of our beef jerky-infused haze?

I ring the doorbell to the farmhouse and an older version of Rory answers the door. Same mess of floppy dark brown hair. Same tall muscular frame.

“Are you Will?” I ask, and he nods. I wasn’t expecting to find him here since Rory said he’s going to law school in Atlanta.

“You must be Savannah, the girl who’s beating the hell out of the other exercise boys on the track, huh?”

“I guess.”

A small boy appears beside Will’s leg. “Hey, bud, can you run find Rory and tell him he’s got a visitor? He’s out in the barn.” The boy jets toward the back of the house and Will motions for me to follow him.

“I hear you’re getting a jockey’s license,” Will says. I grin and walk into the kitchen, where he’s making a sandwich. “Want one?”

“No, thanks.”

“Dessert?”

“Now you’re talking.”

He rummages in a cabinet and slides a package of Chips Ahoy across the island to me.

“So what are you doing here?” I ask. “Rory said you’re in law school in Atlanta?”

“My wedding’s next week. My fiancé’s at her final wedding dress fitting with my mom and her mom. And I was forced to act as chauffeur.”

I smile and clap my hands together. “What does her dress look like?”

“I haven’t seen it. That’s bad luck, Savannah.”

“Well, what do you hope it looks like?”

“You’re just as bad as the moms,” Will says, continuing to grin. He adds tomato and lettuce to his ham sandwich, and slices it down the middle, creating triangles.

They’re getting married next weekend at Whitfield Farms—the same day of the races at Kentucky Downs, and according to Rory, Mrs. Goodwin has been going nuts discussing wedding decor with Mrs. Whitfield. The bride’s family doesn’t have much money and the Whitfields have had several bad seasons so they haven’t taken many of Mrs. Goodwin’s suggestions, but I’m sure it will be a beautiful wedding.

I feel something pawing at my leg. I discover a red puppy at my feet. “Aww.” I lift the puppy into my arms, but he starts barking like crazy and going nuts, so Will reaches across the table to take him from me. The dog immediately calms down, licks Will’s face, and gives a big yawn.

“The dog hates me,” I say, laughing softly.

Will takes another bite of his sandwich and talks through a mouthful. “It happens.” He jiggles the puppy up and down on his knee.

“This reminds me of Star,” I say. “The horse doesn’t like boys. What’s wrong with him?”

Will laughs. “Nothing’s wrong with him. He can’t help it. It’s just like with people. Sometimes we like certain people more than others and it’s just the way it is.”

I like Jack. A lot. And I wish I could stop liking him but my heart doesn’t want that.

“So do you really think the Goodwins are gonna let you be their jockey at Kentucky Downs next week?” Will asks.

“I hope so.”

“Damn.” Will bites into his sandwich, smiling. “If that weren’t the day of my wedding, I’d love to see you race. I’ve never seen a girl jockey.”

I pause to eat a chocolate chip cookie. “What made you decide to go to law school?”

He feeds the puppy a small piece of ham. “Well, I mean, teachers had been telling me since sixth grade that I was going to college. Because of my grades, you know?”

No teachers have ever been like that with me. I guess my grades are okay, but nobody’s going out of their way to tell me what to do with my life. Wait. I take that back. Adam, the guy I fooled around with in West Virginia, worked in the kitchens at the Best Value Inn next door to the casino, and he often said I could use him as a reference if I wanted to apply for a clerk position at the front desk.

“…and I’m going to law school ’cause I want to fight the big corporations that are buying up farmland and putting us small farms out of business.”

“Do you ever wish you had stayed here to work on the farm?” I ask.

He shakes his head. “Going to law school will be better for my family in the long run.”

I raise my eyebrows. In a way, he’s making an investment for the future, kind of like how I’m becoming a jockey.

That’s when Rory comes crashing through the back door with the small boy at his heels. “Cheerio is—” He stops to catch his breath. “Cheerio is about to drop her calf. Can you come help me and Bo?” Rory asks Will. “Dad is still down at the co-op.”

Will nods, stuffing the rest of his sandwich into his mouth. Still chewing, he hands the squirming puppy to me. It barks like crazy.

“You’ll come to the wedding, right? With Rory?” Will asks, pointing at me. “We could use some girls to even the party out. We don’t have a single girl cousin but we have about eight thousand guy cousins!”

I laugh. “Oh yeah?”

Rory puffs his chest out. “I’m Best Man.”

“I bet ten bucks he loses the rings,” I say.

“No bet,” Will replies.

“Hey!” Rory says, grinning. “By the way, I called it. I knew you’d hook up with Jack Goodwin.” He rubs his fingers together, asking for the twenty bucks I owe him. I groan, and Rory tells me he’ll come find me later, after he’s done helping to birth the calf.

Instead of taking the road back to Cedar Hill, I decide to walk through Whitfield Farms and along the lake where I come upon a flock of geese. I love them. When they mate, they stay together for life. It’s so sweet how they can barely stand being two feet apart. One time Dad and I saw a group of seven geese swimming together: four boys and three girls. I asked Dad where the fourth girl was, and he said she’d probably died or got lost.

What I wouldn’t give to feel that sort of all-encompassing love. But is it safe? The boy goose will have to spend the rest of his life with a broken heart. Was the short time he had with the girl goose worth it?

I hope so. I wouldn’t trade the time I shared with my mother. Or with Moonshadow.

I walk alongside the lake and soon I’m on Goodwin land again. Jack’s three hounds bound up to me, barking playfully. I glance around, expecting to find Jack because he’s always with his dogs, and spot him sitting on a picnic table next to a pile of rocks. One by one, he hurls the rocks into the lake, watching them splash.

A grin spreads across my face. Remembering last night’s kisses makes me shiver all over again. I take a deep breath, waiting for him to see I’m here. But it looks like he’s in a dream world. His eyes are hazy and withdrawn.

I pull a deep breath through my nose and make my way over to the picnic table. The hounds flop down in the dirt and roll around like roly-polies.

Jack keeps staring at the lake, but he smiles when I sit down next to him.

“Hi,” I say.

“Hey.”

“It’s beautiful out here.”

“Thor, Athena, and Jasper like the water.” He gestures at the hounds. “We come here a lot.”

“They seem like good friends to you.”

“They are. Although Jasper isn’t so much a friend as a frenemy.”

“Did you just say frenemy?”

“This past summer? I decided to take a swim in the lake. I took off all my clothes except my underwear, and then Jasper stole my shorts and T-shirt. I had to walk in the house wearing wet boxers.”

I laugh, and Jack laughs too as Jasper looks up at us and cocks his head, probably wondering why we humans said his name. “And then Yvonne started yelling at Jasper, telling the dog that only she’s allowed to handle the family’s laundry.”

“I’m sorry I missed that. You know, the part about Yvonne yelling—not you in your boxers…oh, um.” My skin heats up and I shake the sexy images out of my head. “Would you stop trying to distract me?”

“Talking about my underwear distracts you? If only I’d known that sooner.” Jack grins fiendishly as he leans toward me, grabbing my wrist and rubbing it with the pad of his thumb.

I dip my head and move toward his mouth, wetting my lips. But he suddenly pulls away and focuses on the lake. I hold my breath.

“So, you and me…last night.” He exhales deeply.

“I liked it…”

“I did too…but I don’t know how this is gonna work out. I’m not saying it can’t, but I don’t know how it will…”

I yank away from him and stuff my hands between my knees again. Why did I lean in? Why was I so presumptuous to think he’d want to kiss me again?

“My father called me to his office a little while ago,” Jack says, nervously rapping his knuckles on the picnic tabletop. “He said that Mr. Winchester called to say thanks for dinner. Mr. Winchester said that I impressed him. And my dad was proud of me for that…and proud that I’m becoming a responsible farm owner…a good man.”

“And?” I ask quietly. A slimy feeling washes over me.

“And I don’t want to disappoint my dad…you know? I wasn’t a gentleman last night.”

“My dad and Cindy would kill me anyway,” I say defensively. “The maids say you have one-night stands all the time.”

Jack pauses for a long moment, looking me head-on. “I don’t have one-night stands all the time, no matter what the maids say. I’ve only slept with one person. And I cared about her.”

That’s one more person than I’ve slept with. But I’m glad to hear he’s not the total man whore the maids made him out to be. He must’ve slept with Senator Lukens’s daughter, the girl Rory said he dated last year. Or was it the country singer? Never mind, I don’t want to know.

“I can’t mess up this Paradise Park deal for my dad,” Jack says. “It’s his dream to own a big racetrack!”

“And what do you think? What do you want?”

“I like you…a lot…” He pauses to rub his lower lip with his thumb. “But I’m not sure we can have anything—I’m not sure what I can give you…besides last night, I mean. I do like you so much but dating somebody who works for me wouldn’t look right—”

Thank God we didn’t go further than kissing. Why did he woo me with kisses that taste better than lollipops when he knew it could never work out? How dare he treat me like a poor loser? This is why I don’t trust rich jerks!

“—and my parents would be disappointed.” Jack sighs and rubs his eyes. He looks upset.

I love my family too. It could be nice to have a connection with my baby sister when she’s born. Thinking of her, and thinking of Jack’s love for his family, brings me back to reality. Ensuring my dad keeps his new job is what’s most important right now. Not being with Jack. This is why I was trying to keep my distance in the first place.

But it hurts. Bad.

I want to scream at him for kissing me, for leading me on, but I don’t want to be a mean, vindictive girl. That’s not who I am. I don’t need a guy to validate me. And on top of that, I don’t want to ruin what we do have: a great working relationship.

“Hey,” I say quietly. “It doesn’t sound like either of us can handle a relationship right now…” My voice cracks with emotion. I like him so much. “So let’s just keep hanging out, keep being friends, keep working together. I’ve really liked getting to know you better, and I don’t want to lose you,” I say in a wobbly tone.

His eyes find mine. “I don’t want to lose you either.”

“Good. Let’s just go back to where we were, okay?”

I stand and charge toward the manor house, and seconds later Jack bounds up to walk beside me. The three hounds circle us, barking and playing, oblivious.

I slap a fake smile on my face, sniffling. I pull a cherry sucker out of my pocket, rip off the wrapper, and stick it into my mouth, but it doesn’t bring the relief I need so badly.