Rakkety Tam

5

Rakkety Tam was casting about the area where the attack had taken place. He peered over the cliffs down to the far shoreline. Two boats lay wrecked on the rocks—a small craft, which the pounding waves had reduced to splinters, and a big, four-masted vessel. This latter ship was holed at the bowline, close to its prow, where it had been driven headlong onto the treacherous reef.

Doogy arrived with the royal couple and the other squirrels. He indicated the big wrecked four-master. “Yon’s the ship the vermin must’ve come in, though ah’m thinkin’ ’twill be no use tae anybeast now.”

Tam’s eyes hardened. “Aye, an’ they won’t be able to repair it once we put torches to it, Doogy!”

He turned to the carnage, which Idga and Araltum were pointedly trying to ignore by gazing in another direction. “This was a massacre indeed, Doogy. By the tracks, I’d say there were about fivescore vermin who did the slaughter. Mostly foxes an’ stoats, though I see the big-pawed one, their Chieftain, leadin’ away over the clifftops.”

Doogy strained his eyes north and east. “Och, they must’ve been fair speedy villains. There’s no’ a sight of ’em anyplace!”

Tam faced Araltum. “How many were with ye at the start of yore ceremony?”

The king shrugged airily. “How should I know?”

The squirrel warrior glared at him in disgust. “Aye, an’ why should you care, now that yore skin’s saved! Pinetooth, can ye recall what the numbers were?”

The older squirrel did a quick mental estimate. “Countin’ the singers an’ musicians, I’d say about thirty.”

Idga Drayqueen snapped her bark fan shut moodily. “Really, what difference does it make? They’re all dead now!”

Tam scratched his brush as he viewed the slain squirrels. “There’s not one carcase of a foebeast among these. They’re all our creatures. Thirty, ye say, Pinetooth? Well, how d’ye account for the fact there’s only eighteen lyin’ here? Countin’ yourself an’ Driltig, that makes ten missin’.”

The old squirrel leaned on his spear. “Are ye sure, Tam, only eighteen?”

Tam gestured. “Count ’em yourself, mate. Doogy, go an’ cast an eye round the edge of the trees to the north, will ye?”

Idga Drayqueen began weeping in genuine distress. “Oh, that beautiful banner! It took me and my servants almost a full winter season to make it. Is it lost forever, my dear?”

Araltum patted her paw. “There, there, my pet, don’t you fret. Tam will get it back for us.”

Gritting his teeth, Tam managed to bite back the insulting words he was about to issue. Just then he heard Doogy hail him from afar. “Will ye come an’ take a look at this, mate?”

Striding off along the fringe, Tam came upon his companion some distance away. Doogy was swatting flies from the grisly site. Holding a paw over his mouth, he muttered, “Och, the poor beasts, ah reckon there’s little more than their heads left. ’Tis an awful thing tae see, Tam.”

His friend paced carefully about, identifying the remains. “There’s Chamog an’ Eltur, Birno an’ Rofal, this one could be Girtan. Well, that’s the other five captains. The rest look like singers an’ flute players. See these two, Doogy—they couldn’t have had more’n fourteen summers between ’em. We’re dealin’ with the lowest kind of barbarian brutes here. These squirrels have all been eaten! See, there’s bones’n’fur scattered everywhere!”

Grim-faced and shaken, the two warriors returned to the main gathering.

Araltum asked peevishly, “Did you find my Royal Standard? Was it damaged or torn? Your Drayqueen spent a lot of hard work making that bann . . .”

The king’s back slammed hard against a tree under Tam’s furious charge. Araltum’s eyes popped fearfully wide as the warrior squirrel had him by the throat, his dirk blade almost in his mouth.

Tam’s voice was ice-cold. “Ye vile little worm! A score an’ a half o’ yore creatures are lyin’ murdered, an’ all ye can do is whine about a stupid flag. I should slay ye an’ leave ye here to rot with these poor creatures!”

This statement seemed to cheer Doogy Plumm up no end. “Go to it, Tam. Carve the wee lardbucket’s head off!”

The warrior flung Araltum down on his fat tail, casting him a hate-laden glance. “I’m sore tempted, Doogy, but that’d only make us as bad as the vermin who killed our comrades. The only thing stoppin’ me is that I pledged my sword an’ my oath to Araltum, aye, an’ ate his bread in good faith!”

Massaging his throat, the king rose, sneering. “That’s right, Rakkety Tam MacBurl. I’m still your king, and you’re still bound to obey me!”

Doogy drew his claymore, grinning like a disobedient young one. “Ach, ’twas a silly thing we did, but ah’ve a mind tae alter the rules. Let me slay him for ye, Tam.”

The warrior placed his dirk across his friend’s blade. “Put up yore sword, Doogy Plumm. Without our word, we’re nothin’. Araltum, what would it take to release us from our bond to ye?”

The king smirked. “Why should I release my two best warriors? What price could you two offer? Hah, you’re nothing but a pair of raggedy-backed swordbeasts. No! You shall serve me unto death as your oath decreed.”

Idga Drayqueen interrupted, speaking imperiously. “We’ll free you if you return our Royal Standard to us!”

Araltum stamped his footpaw down hard. “Never!”

Idga turned upon her husband. “You mean you’ll let those vermin steal away our lovely banner—the one I worked my paws to the bone to make? Oh, you brute!”

Doogy shook his head sadly, sympathising with her. “Och, yer right there, mah Queen, after all the braw work ye put intae that flag. Yer hoosban’ mustn’t care a whit for ye, the heartless wee beastie!”

Araltum put a paw around Idga’s shoulders. “But I do care for you, my love. Don’t upset yourself so!”

The drayqueen shook off his paw and began weeping. “Go away, you nasty creature! I’ll never speak to you again if that’s all the thanks I get for a full winter’s stitching. You’re despicable!”

Doogy patted the queen’s paw comfortingly. “Aye, there’s nought worse tae have than a despicable king, marm. ’Tis a wonder how ye put up wi’ him.”

Araltum slumped against a tree. Knowing he was beaten, he glared sullenly at Tam and Doogy. “Alright, alright! Bring back our Royal Standard and I will release you both from your bonds. Once that banner is back here with us, you can go to the very stones of Hellgates for all I care, both of you. But not until then!”

Tam stared hard at the royal couple. “We have your word?”

They nodded, speaking together. “You have our word!”

Doogy looked north across the clifftops. “Then we’ll no’ be hangin’ aroond here tae waste time. Are ye ready, Tam?”

The warrior squirrel sheathed his dirk. “Aye, as ready as I’ll ever be. Grab some vittles, Doogy, an’ let’s away.”

Idga forced a smile at Tam. “Er, when will we expect to see you both back with our standard?”

Tam shrugged. “A season or two, who knows? If we don’t return, ye’ll know the vermin have slain an’ eaten us.”

Araltum stepped back, horrified. “Eaten you?”

Doogy winked cheerfully at him. “Aye, eaten us. Go an’ take a peek at yore Cap’ns an’ singers yonder. Ye’ll note there’s nought left o’ them but their heads an’ a few wee scraps o’ fur’n’bone. It shouldnae be much bother buryin’ them. ’Tis the least ye could do for beasts that served ye well an’ died for ye!”

“Whooooahhhhh!” Idga gave a great swooning moan and fainted in a heap.

As Tam and Doogy marched off, their last sight of the despicable royal taskmasters was Araltum trying to heave his wife’s considerable bulk upright while courtiers rubbed her paws and dabbed rose water upon her brow.

Tam winked at his friend. “Ye’ve a fine way with words, Doogy Plumm, there’s no doubt about that!”

His faithful companion’s tough, scarred face beamed with pleasure. “Och, now ye come tae mention it, mah grannie allus said I was a braw silver-tongued beastie. Have ye no’ seen me charmin’ wee birdies from out the trees?”

Tam shot him a sideways glance. “No, not yet. Let’s see if we can go an’ charm the royal flag off those vermin with our blades, my bold Doogy. But first we’ll go down to the seaside an’ do a spot o’ ship-burnin’ to cheer ourselves up. Nought like a good fire, eh?”

Late afternoon sun cast long shadows as they climbed down the cliffs toward the big vessel perched on the tideline rocks. Both were unaware that through the hole smashed into the forward bow, wickedly glittering eyes were watching them.