Riding the Rap

twenty-seven

They sat at the dining table in Harry’s living room, Joyce looking at the deck of tarot cards in Dawn’s hands, noticing the slender fingers, the nails bitten down.

Dawn said, “I should tell you before we begin, I do know who you are.”

Joyce raised her gaze to Dawn’s face, the long, straight hair, the demure Marianne Faithfull look.

“I know you’re a close friend of both Raylan and Harry Arno.”

Joyce said, “Do you know where Harry is?”

She watched Dawn look up to say, “No, I don’t,” and shrug her hair away from her face.

Joyce said, “What do you know?” and said right away, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that.”

Whether she did or not didn’t seem to bother Reverend Dawn, the little-girl psychic in a man’s starched white shirt this morning, and jeans. Joyce wished now she had worn jeans instead of the daisy-pattern sundress.

“If you’ll shuffle these, please, and cut them into three stacks…” Dawn handed her the tarot deck. “The first time Raylan came I saw you and his former wife. I didn’t see Harry in the picture, but I do now.”

Joyce finished shuffling and cut the deck twice.

“You see Harry in the picture as what?”

“Your lover at one time. You still feel an affection for him.”

“Raylan told you that?”

“Anything I know about you,” Dawn said, “I told him.” She looked down at the table and turned over the top three cards on the stacks. “The Ace of Rods, reversed, the Ace of Swords, and the Judgment card. You’re planting seeds, thinking of starting a new life. It’s not without stress, ‘cause you don’t know what will grow out of this situation and become your karma.”

Joyce sat back in her chair. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. Do you have to use the cards?”

Dawn said, “Let’s see,” and turned over three more cards. “The Knight of Pentacles, the Seven of Pentacles, and”-raising her eyebrows-“the Knight of Swords. Okay, you have to understand I’m reading from vibrations, too. When I access your higher self I’m no longer reading the cards. If you want me to simplify this, not tell you what the cards mean… It looks like you have a choice to make, the Knight of Pentacles or the Knight of Swords. Do you know what I’m talking about?”

“Go on,” Joyce said.

“The Judgment card is the focus; you’ll have to live with the decision you make, so be careful. The Knight of Swords is fearless, ready to fight. In a lot of ways he’s very aggressive. Jumps on his horse and takes off without always knowing where he’s going. The Knight of Pentacles is more stable, good at business, financial matters. He’s a Taurus.”

Joyce said, “You’re making this up.”

“I am, in a way,” Dawn said, looking up, tossing her hair. “I interpret what I see and what I feel, but it’s your call. The cards so far aren’t positive or negative. In other words, you’re on the fence. Like, Oh, my, what am I gonna do? But you’re the one who put yourself there. I don’t give advice other than to say you should follow your true feelings.”

“I’m not sure,” Joyce said, “what my true feelings are.”

“You’re introspective,” Dawn said. “Take a look. You’re also somewhat spiritual by nature.”

“What does that mean?”

“You think a lot. But sometimes what you see as a logical conclusion goes against what you feel, the spirit moving you. The one who’s represented by the Knight of Swords killed a man…”

“He told you that,” Joyce said.

Dawn shook her head, still looking at the cards. “I touched his hand, the one that held the gun, and I knew. Now I see you’re having trouble with that. How can you feel close to a man who’s killed someone? And might do it again.”

“He had to have told you that,” Joyce said.

Dawn looked up now. She said, “Let’s get something straight. Raylan hasn’t told me one thing about you, nothing. If you don’t believe it, there’s no reason to continue.”

“I’m sorry,” Joyce said. “Go on.”

“Do you have a question?”

“Who’s represented by that other knight?”

“The Knight of Pentacles,” Dawn said. “Tell me who you think.”

“Harry?”

“Does anyone else come to mind?”

“No.”

“So you’ve answered your own question. Give me your hand,” Dawn said, and swept the cards aside to make room.

Joyce placed her hands flat on the table and watched Dawn’s hands cover them.

“Do you have another question?”

“I’m not sure about my true feelings.”

“What was the first thing you said to me when we started?”

“I don’t remember.”

“I said I knew you were a close friend of Raylan and Harry’s and you said…?”

“I asked about Harry.”

“You said, ‘Do you know where Harry is?’ He was your first concern.”

“I’m worried about him. I don’t even know if he’s alive.”

“He is,” Dawn said.

“How do you know?”

“Take my word, he’s okay.”

“Do you know where he is?”

“I’m not able to see what’s around him,” Dawn said, “because Harry can’t see.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s like when I try to get into your head-space and see things through your eyes? It’s blurry. You wear glasses?”

“Contacts.”

“I see a lot of men watching you, but they’re out of focus, like I’m looking at them through your glasses and they don’t help me at all. You’re moving, your hair’s flying…”

Joyce watched Dawn frown and then close her eyes.

She said, “You were a dancer,” sounding surprised.

“When I was younger.”

“The men are all looking at you…”

Joyce waited.

“You danced naked?”

“Topless.”

Dawn said, “Oh.” She said after a moment, “Is there any money in that?”

“Depending on what you’re willing to do,” Joyce said.

“I suppose,” Dawn said, nodding. “Anyway, you’re concerned about Harry ‘cause you’re a loving, caring person; you don’t want anything to happen to him, and nothing bad will. You feel guilty now that you weren’t as nice to him as you could’ve been. I mean just before. You miss him… Well, actually what you miss is taking care of him.”

“You’re telling me,” Joyce said, “those are my true feelings?”

“You create your own reality. You tell me.”

“Harry can be awfully difficult.”

“Maybe so, but he doesn’t ever surprise you, you know he’s always there. He represents like stability,” Dawn said, “and at your age that isn’t a bad thing to have a lot of.”

“I thought I was doing pretty well,” Joyce said, “for my age.”

“I wasn’t saying you’re old,” Dawn said, “I meant at this time in your life you’re looking for security, karmically speaking. See, what I’m puffing from you is a low energy level. You might feel you’re full of spunk, but what it is, it’s anxiety; you’re worn out wondering where your life is going. What you’d really like to do is take it easy.”

Joyce watched the psychic who looked like Marianne Faithfull sit back shaking her head now, in sympathy.

Saying, “Boy, who wouldn’t.”

Raylan was waiting in the lobby. He walked up to Joyce as she came off the elevator.

“How’d it go?”

“I need to kick back,” Joyce said, “karmically speaking. Sort of let it happen.”

“Let what happen?”

“My life.”

“Isn’t that all anybody has to do?”

She said, “Why don’t you go play with your gun.”