Rogue

Chapter 6

Max wasn't in the mood to go out with Blake and the children on Friday night. He called her in the afternoon, and she told him what had happened the night before. He was sympathetic, and praised her again for what she did. She didn't feel deserving of it at the moment. He said he was taking the children shopping that afternoon, and invited her to come. He insisted they'd have a ball, but she resisted, and he could hear that she was down. In fact, he had been planning to take the children Christmas shopping for her, and Tiffany and Cartier were on their list, but he didn't mention it to her. Instead, he invited her to meet them for dinner, and she declined that too. He felt sorry for how upset she was about the death of her patient, and whispered to the children to be extra nice to her, when he passed the phone to them so they could speak to her too.

She spoke with Sam, and he was happy and doing fine. When Sam begged her to join them, she promised to go to dinner with them the following night. They were having a ball with Blake. He had taken them to 21 for brunch, which they always loved, and for a helicopter ride that morning, a favorite pastime with him. She promised to meet up with them the next day, and felt a little better when she hung up.

She called Thelma Washington then and told her how things had turned out, and her friend wasn't surprised. Maxine thanked her for her help, and then called the Andersons. Predictably, they were in bad shape, and still in a state of shock. They had funeral arrangements to make, friends and grandparents to call, all the nightmarish things one had to attend to when one lost a child. Maxine told them again how very sorry she was, and they thanked her for all her help. But even knowing she had done everything possible, Maxine still had an overwhelming sense of defeat and loss.

Blake called her again, as she was dressing to go out for a walk. He was checking up on her to make sure she was okay. He didn't tell her, but he and the children had just bought her a beautiful sapphire bracelet.

She assured him she was fine, and was touched by the call. Even if unreliable, he was always compassionate and thoughtful, just as he was now.

“Christ, I don't know how you do it. I'd be in a psych ward if I did what you do every day.” He knew she always took it hard when one of her patients died, which given the nature of her work, they sometimes did.

“It gets to me,” she admitted, “but it happens sometimes. I feel so sorry for the parents, she's an only child. I think it would kill me if anything ever happened to ours.” She had seen that special kind of grief too often, the loss of a child. It was what she feared most in life, the one thing she prayed would never happen to them.

“That's awful.” He worried about her. In spite of how well she handled it, he knew she didn't have an easy life, in part thanks to him. And he wanted to do whatever he could for her now. But there was nothing much he could do. And Hilary was her patient, not her child.

“I think I need a day off,” she said with a sigh. “I'll enjoy seeing you and the kids more tomorrow.” He was taking them to the opening of a play that night, and they were all going out to dinner the next night. “Besides, you should have time alone with them, without me tagging along.” She was always considerate about that.

“I like it when you tag along,” he said, smiling, although he loved being alone with his children too. He always came up with fun things for them to do. He was planning to take them skating the next day, and she said she might do that with them. But today, since the children were busy and in good hands, she wanted to be alone. Blake said to call if she changed her mind, and she promised she would. It was nice having him in town, to give her a breather for a change.

She went for a walk in the park and then hung around the house for the rest of the afternoon, and made herself some soup for dinner.

Sam called her before they went to the play, and he was excited about seeing it with his father.

“Have fun with Daddy tonight, and I'll come skating with you tomorrow,” she promised. She was actually looking forward to it, and felt better, although every time she thought of the Andersons and their overwhelming loss, her heart ached for them. She was thinking of them, as she ate her soup in the kitchen, and Zelda walked in.

“Is everything okay?” Zelda looked at her with worried eyes. She knew her well.

“Yeah, fine. Thanks, Zellie.”

“You look like someone died.”

“Actually, one of my patients did. A fifteen-year-old. It was very sad.”

“I hate what you do,” Zelda said fiercely. “It depresses me. I don't know how you do it. Why can't you do something cheerful like deliver babies?” Maxine smiled at what she said.

“I like being a shrink, and I actually manage to keep them alive sometimes.”

“That's a good thing,” Zelda said, and sat down next to her at the kitchen table. Maxine looked as though she needed company, and Zelda wasn't entirely wrong. She had good instincts about when to talk to her, and when to leave her alone. “How are the kids doing with their dad?”

“Fine. He took them on a helicopter ride, shopping, out to lunch and dinner, and the opening of a play tonight.”

“He's more like Santa Claus than a dad,” Zelda said accurately, and Maxine nodded as she finished her soup.

“He has to be, to make up for all the times he's not around,” she said matter-of-factly. It wasn't a criticism, it was a fact.

“You can't make up for that with a helicopter ride,” Zelda said wisely.

“It's the best he can do. He doesn't have it in him to stick around, for anyone. He was like that even before he made all that money. He just got worse once he had the means to indulge it. There have always been men like him in the world. In the old days, they became sea captains, adventurers, explorers. Christopher Columbus probably left a bunch of kids at home too. Some guys just aren't made to hang around and be normal husbands and dads.”

“My father was kind of like that,” Zelda admitted. “He walked out on my mom when I was three. He joined the merchant marine and disappeared. Years later she found out he had another wife and four kids in San Francisco. He had never bothered to divorce her, or even write to her. He just took off, and walked out on her, my brother and me.”

“Did you ever see him, later, I mean?” Maxine asked with interest. Zelda had never previously shared this part of her history. She was fairly private about her own life, and respectful of theirs.

“No, he died before I could. I meant to go out to California and meet him. My brother did. He wasn't too impressed. Our mom died of a broken heart. She drank herself to death when I was fifteen. I went to live with my aunt, and she died when I was eighteen. I've been a nanny ever since.” It explained why she had found her place working in families. They offered the stability and love she had never had as a child growing up. Maxine knew that her brother had died in a motorcycle accident years before. Zelda was essentially alone, except for the family she worked for, and the other nannies she had befriended over the years.

“Did you ever meet your half-brothers and -sisters?” Maxine inquired gently.

“No, I kind of figured they were why my mother died. I never wanted to meet them.” Maxine knew she had worked for the previous family for nine years, until the kids left for college. It made her wonder if Zelda regretted not having children of her own, but she didn't want to ask.

They sat at the kitchen table and chatted while Maxine ate dinner, and then they each went back to their own rooms. Zelda very seldom went out in the evening, even on her days off. And Maxine was kind of a homebody too. She went to bed early that night, still thinking about the patient she had lost that morning, and the agony her parents must have been in. It was a relief to try and put it out of her mind and go to sleep.

She felt better when she woke up the next morning, although still somewhat subdued. She met Blake and the children at Rockefeller Center, and went skating with them. They had hot chocolate afterward at the restaurant at the skating rink, and then went back to his apartment. The children headed straight for the projection room to watch a movie before dinner, and seemed perfectly at home being there with him. They always readjusted quickly when he appeared. Daphne had called two of her friends to come by. She loved showing off his glamorous penthouse, and her handsome father.

Maxine and Blake chatted easily for a few minutes, and then joined the children watching the movie. It was a film that hadn't even been released yet. Blake knew people everywhere and had privileges few others had. He took it as the norm now, and told Maxine he was going to London after New York. He was meeting friends to go to a rock concert there. He knew the stars who would be performing too. Sometimes it seemed, even to Maxine, as though he knew everyone in the world. Several times, he had introduced his children to wellknown actors and rock stars, and he was invited backstage everywhere he went.

When the movie ended, Blake rounded them all up for dinner. He had made reservations at a new sushi restaurant that had opened a few weeks before, and was the hot, new trendy place in town. Maxine had never heard of it, but Daphne knew all about it. And they were given the VIP treatment when they arrived. They walked through the main restaurant, and were given a private dining room. It was an excellent dinner, and they all had a good time. They dropped Maxine off afterward, and then Blake and the kids went back to his apartment.

He was bringing them back to Maxine at five the next day before he left. And as usual, when left to her own devices, she spent the day working. She was at her computer, working on an article, when they got home. Blake hadn't come up, as he was late leaving for the airport, and the kids were overflowing with excitement when they walked in. And Sam was particularly happy to see her.

“He's taking us to Aspen for New Year,” Sam announced, “and he said we could each bring a friend. Can I take you instead, Mom?” Maxine smiled at the offer.

“I don't think so, sweetheart. Daddy might like to bring a lady along, and that would be a little awkward.”

“He says he doesn't have one right now,” Sam said practically, disappointed that his mother had declined the offer.

“But he might by then.” It never took Blake long to find a new one. Women fell into his hands like fruit off a tree.

“What if he doesn't?” Sam persisted.

“We'll talk about it then.” She enjoyed having dinner with Blake when he was in town, and going skating with him and the children. Going on vacation with her ex-husband was a little more of him than she wanted, and undoubtedly more than he wanted of her. When he loaned her his yacht every year, for their summer vacations, he wasn't there. Besides, this was his time to be with the kids. But it was sweet of Sam to ask her.

They told her about all the things they'd done and seen with him in the past three days, and all three of them were in high spirits. They weren't as sad as they often were when he left town, because this time they knew they'd be seeing him a month later in Aspen. She was glad he had made the plan, and hoped he didn't disappoint them if something better came along, or he got distracted elsewhere. The kids loved going to Aspen with him, and anywhere else. He made everything they did an adventure and fun for them.

At dinner, Daphne said her father had told her she could use his apartment any time, even when he wasn't around, and her mother looked surprised by the offer. He had never said that before, and Maxine wondered if Daphne had misunderstood him.

“He said I could take friends over to watch movies in the projection room,” she said proudly.

“Maybe for a birthday party, or something special,” Maxine said cautiously, “but I don't think you should just hang out there.” She didn't like that idea at all, a bunch of thirteen-year-olds hanging out at his apartment, and she didn't feel comfortable going there herself if he wasn't in town. The subject had never come up before. And Daphne looked annoyed by her answer.

“He's my father, and he said I could, and it's his apartment,” Daphne said, looking angrily at her mother.

“That's true. But I don't think you should go there when he's not around.” A lot could happen in that apartment. And it worried her that Blake was being so free and easy about it. It suddenly made her realize that having teenagers with a father like Blake could turn out to be a major challenge. She wasn't looking forward to it. So far, it hadn't been a problem, but it could be. And Daphne looked as though she was willing to battle for the privilege he had offered. “I'll talk to him about it,” Maxine said simply, as Daphne stomped off to her bedroom. What Maxine was planning to say to Blake was to warn him not to be manipulated by his children, nor to set them up for disaster by giving them too much freedom as they headed into their teens. She just hoped that he was willing to cooperate with her. If not, the next several years were going to be a nightmare. All she needed was for

Blake to give Daphne keys to his apartment. The thought of it and the kind of things that could go on there made her shudder. She was definitely going to say something to him about it. And for sure, Daphne wouldn't like it. As usual, Maxine had to be the heavy.

Maxine finished her article that night, and the children watched television in their bedrooms. They were tired after three days of nonstop excitement with their father. Being with him was like traveling with the flying Wallendas, with all of them on the high wire at the same time. It always took them a while to calm down.

The next morning at breakfast was chaos. Everyone had woken up late. Jack spilled cereal all over the table, Daphne couldn't find her cell phone and refused to leave for school until she did, Sam burst into tears when he discovered he'd left his favorite shoes at his father's apartment, and Zelda had a toothache. Daphne managed to find her phone in the nick of time, Maxine promised Sam that she would buy him the exact same shoes at lunchtime, and prayed that she could find them, and she left for her office to see patients as Zelda was calling her dentist. It was one of those mornings that made you want to rip your hair out and got the day off to a rough start. Zelda took Sam to school on her way to the dentist, and it started raining, as Maxine walked to work. She was soaked by the time she got there, and her first patient was already waiting, something that almost never happened to her.

She managed to make up the time, see all her morning patients, and find the right shoes for Sam at Niketown, which meant skipping lunch. Zelda called to say she had to have a root canal that day, and Maxine was trying to return her calls when her secretary told her Charles West was on the phone. Maxine wondered why he was calling, and if he was referring a patient. She took the call sounding mildly harassed and exasperated. It had been one of those days from beginning to end.

“Dr. Williams,” she said briskly.

“Hi there.” It was not the greeting she expected from him, and she was in no mood for a chatty call. Her last patient was due in, and she had fifteen minutes to finish returning her calls.

“Hello. What can I do for you?” she asked bluntly, realizing as she did that she sounded a little rough around the edges.

“I just wanted to tell you how sorry I was about your patient when I saw you on Friday.”

“Oh,” she said, sounding startled, “that's very nice of you. It was very upsetting. You do everything you can to avoid it, and sometimes you lose them anyway. I felt awful for her parents. How's your ninetytwo-year-old with the hip?” He was impressed that she remembered. He wasn't sure he would have.

“She's going home tomorrow. Thanks for asking. She's amazing. She has a ninety-three-year-old boyfriend.”

“She's doing better than I am,” Maxine said, laughing, which gave him just the opening he wanted.

“Yeah, me too. She has a new boyfriend every year. They drop like flies, and I swear, within weeks she finds a new one. Everyone should be lucky enough to get old like that. I was a little worried when she got pneumonia, but she rallied. I love her. I wish all my patients were like her.” Maxine was smiling at his description of her, and she was still wondering why he had called her.

“Is there anything I can do for you, doctor?” she asked, sounding slightly daunting and formal, but she was busy.

“Actually,” he said, sounding awkward, “I was wondering if you'd have lunch with me sometime. I still feel like I owe you an apology for the Wexlers.” It was the only excuse he could think of.

“Don't be silly,” she said, glancing at her watch. Of all days for him to call her. She had been playing beat the clock since that morning. “It was an honest mistake. Adolescent suicidality isn't your specialty. Believe me, I wouldn't know what to do with a ninety-two-year-old with a hip, pneumonia, and a boyfriend.”

“That's generous of you. How about lunch?” he persisted.

“You don't have to do that.”

“I know that, but I'd like to. What are you doing tomorrow?” Her mind went blank at the question. What was this man doing asking her to lunch, and why? She felt silly. She never took time out of her schedule for professional lunches with other physicians.

“I don't know…I…I might have a patient,” she said, groping for a reason to decline the invitation.

“Then what about the next day? You have to eat lunch sometime.”

“Well, yes, I do… when I have time,” which wasn't often. She felt foolish when she blurted out that she was free on Thursday. She glanced at her appointment book as she said it. “But you really don't have to.”

“I'll keep that in mind,” he said, laughing at her. He suggested a restaurant that was near her office, to make it convenient for her. It was small and pleasant and she occasionally had lunch there with her mother. It had been years since she took time out to lunch with girlfriends. She preferred to see patients, and at night she stayed home with the kids. Most of the women she knew were just as busy as she was. She hadn't had much of a social life in years.

They made a date for noon on Thursday, and Maxine looked startled as she hung up the phone. She wasn't sure if it was a date, or a professional courtesy, but either way, she felt slightly silly. She hardly remembered what he looked like. She had been so upset about Hilary Anderson on Friday morning that all she remembered was that he was tall, and had graying blond hair. The rest of his appearance was a blur, not that it mattered. She made a note in her book, returned two more calls as quickly as she could, and saw her last patient.

She had to cook dinner for the children that night, since Zelda was in bed on painkillers. The day ended as it began, harried and stressful. And she managed to burn dinner, so they ordered pizza.

The next two days were equally stressful, and it was Thursday morning when she suddenly remembered the lunch date she had made with Charles West. She sat at her desk looking at her appointment book bleakly. She couldn't imagine what had made her do it. She didn't even know him, nor want to. The last thing she needed was lunch with a total stranger. She glanced at her watch and realized that she was already five minutes late, grabbed her coat, and hurried out of the office. She didn't even have time to put on lipstick or comb her hair, not that she cared.

When Maxine reached the restaurant, Charles West was already waiting at a table. He stood up when he saw her walk in, and she recognized him. He was tall, as she had remembered, and nice looking, and appeared as though he was in his late forties. He smiled and stood up as she approached the table.

“I'm sorry I'm late,” she said, slightly flustered, as he noticed the look of caution in her eyes. He knew enough about women to know that, unlike his ninety-two-year-old patient, this was not a woman looking for a boyfriend. Maxine Williams looked distant and guarded. “I've had a crazy week in the office,” she added.

“So have I,” he said pleasantly. “I think holidays drive people nuts. My patients all get pneumonia between Thanksgiving and Christmas, and I'm sure yours don't fare well over the holidays either.” He looked very easygoing and relaxed, as the waiter asked if they wanted to order drinks. She declined, and Charles ordered a glass of wine.

“My father is an orthopedic surgeon, and he always says everyone breaks their hip between Thanksgiving and New Year.” Charles looked intrigued when she said it, wondering who her father was.

“Arthur Connors,” she added, and Charles instantly recognized the name.

“I know him. He's a terrific guy. I've referred patients to him.” Charles actually looked like the sort of man her father would have approved of.

“Everyone in New York refers their hardest cases to him. He's got the busiest practice in town.”

“So what made you pick psychiatry instead of going into practice with him?” Charles looked at her with interest as he sipped his wine.

“I've been fascinated by psychiatry since I was a kid. What my dad does always seems like carpentry to me. Sorry, that's an awful thing to say. I just like what I do better. And I love working with adolescents. It seems like you have a better shot at making a difference. By the time they're older, everything's pretty well set. I could never imagine myself with a Park Avenue psychiatric practice listening to a bunch of bored, neurotic housewives, or alcoholic stockbrokers who cheat on their wives.” It was the kind of thing she could only say to another physician. “I'm sorry.” She looked embarrassed suddenly, as he laughed. “I know that sounds awful. But kids are so much more honest, and seem much more worth saving.”

“I agree with you. But I'm not sure stockbrokers who cheat on their wives go to shrinks.”

“That's probably true,” she admitted, “but their wives do. That kind of practice would depress me.”

“Oh, and teen suicides don't?” he challenged her, and she hesitated before she answered.

“They make me sad, but they don't depress me. Most of the time, I feel useful. I don't think I'd make much difference in the lives of normal adults who just want someone to listen to them. The kids I see really need help.”

“It's a good point.” He asked her about her trauma work then, and had actually bought her most recent book, which impressed her, and halfway through lunch he told her he was divorced. He said that he and his wife had been married for twenty-one years, and two years earlier she had left him for someone else. Maxine was startled that he sounded so matter-of-fact about it. He told her it hadn't come as a complete surprise, as their marriage had been difficult for years.

“That's too bad,” Maxine said sympathetically. “Do you have children?” He shook his head and said his wife hadn't wanted any.

“It's my only regret actually. She had a difficult childhood, and eventually decided she just wasn't up to having kids. And it's a little late for me to start now.” He didn't sound heartbroken about it, but as though it was something he was sorry he'd missed, like an interesting trip. “Do you have children?” he asked, as their lunch arrived.

“I have three,” she said with a smile. She couldn't imagine a life without them.

“That must keep you busy. Do you have shared custody?” As far as he knew, most people did. Maxine laughed at the question.

“No. Their father travels a lot. He only sees them a few times a year. I have them full time, which works better for me.”

“How old are they?” he asked with an interested look. He had seen how her face lit up when she talked about her kids.

“Thirteen, twelve, and six. My oldest is a girl, the two others are boys.”

“That must be a handful all by yourself,” he said with admiration. “How long have you been divorced?”

“Five years. We're on very good terms. He's a terrific person, he's just not much of a husband or father. He's too much of a kid himself. I got tired of being the only grown-up. He's more like a wild and crazy uncle for the kids. He never grew up, and I don't think he ever will.” She said it with a smile, and Charles watched her, intrigued. She was intelligent and nice, and he was impressed by the work she did. He was enjoying reading her book.

“Where does he live?”

“All over the place. London, New York, Aspen, St. Bart's. He just bought a house in Marrakech. He leads a sort of fairy-tale life.” Charles nodded, wondering whom she'd been married to, but he didn't want to ask. He was interested in her, not her ex-husband.

They chatted easily all through lunch, and she said she had to get back to see patients, and so did he. He told her how much he'd enjoyed her company, and said he'd like to see her again. She still couldn't figure out if it had been a date, or a professional courtesy, of one physician meeting another. And then he clarified it for her by asking her to dinner. She looked startled when he asked.

“I…oh…uh…,” Maxine said, blushing. “I thought this was just lunch… you know… because of the Wexlers.” He smiled at her. She looked so surprised that he wondered if she was involved with someone and had expected him to know it, or sense it.

“Are you seeing someone?” he asked discreetly, and she looked even more embarrassed. She was blushing.

“You mean as in dating?”

“Well, yes, as in dating.” He was laughing.

“No.” She hadn't had a real date in over a year, and hadn't slept with anyone in two. Thinking about it that way was actually depressing, and most of the time she tried not to. She just hadn't met anyone she liked in a long time, and sometimes she wondered if she didn't want to. She had gone out with a number of people after she and Blake split up, and had gotten tired of being disappointed. It seemed simpler to just forget it. The blind dates she'd gone on, courtesy of friends, had been particularly awful, and the others, with people she'd met randomly, weren't much better. “I don't think I date,” she said awkwardly. “Not in a while anyway. It just seemed kind of pointless.” She knew a number of people who had met through the Internet, and she couldn't imagine doing that, so she had just stopped trying and gave up dating. She hadn't planned it that way, it just happened, and she was busy.

“Would you like to have dinner?” he asked gently. It seemed hard to believe that a woman with her looks, at her age, wasn't dating. He wondered if she'd been traumatized by her marriage, or maybe by some relationship since.

“That would be fine,” she said, as though he had suggested a meeting, and he looked at her with disbelief and amusement.

“Maxine, let's get something clear here. I have the feeling you think I'm inviting you to an interdisciplinary meeting of some kind. I think it's great that we're both physicians. But to be honest, I don't care if you 're a go-go dancer or a hairdresser. I like you. I think you're a beautiful woman. You're fun to talk to, you have a nice sense of humor, and you don't appear to hate men, which is rare these days. Your CV would put most people to shame, man or woman. I think you're attractive and sexy. I invited you to lunch because I wanted to get to know you, as a woman. I'm inviting you to dinner, because I want to get to know you better. That's a date. We eat dinner and talk and learn about each other. Dating. Something tells me that is not on your agenda. I can't figure out why, and if there's some serious reason for it, you should probably tell me. But if not, then I would like to ask you out for a date, for dinner. Is that okay with you?” She was smiling at him, and still blushing, as he explained it.

“Yes. Okay. I think I'm a little out of practice.”

“I can't even imagine why that would be, unless you've been wearing a burka.” He thought she was gorgeous, and most men would have agreed with him. She just somehow had managed to take herself off the dating market, and had been hiding her light under a bushel. “So when would you like to do dinner?”

“I don't know. I'm pretty free. I have a national psychiatric association dinner next week on Wednesday, otherwise I have no plans.”

“How about Tuesday? Why don't I pick you up at seven, and we'll go someplace nice?” He liked good restaurants and fine wines. It was the kind of evening she hadn't had in years, except with Blake and the kids, and those were less adult evenings. When she saw her old married friends, they didn't go to restaurants, and she went to their homes for dinner. And she was even doing that less often. She had let her social life dwindle from lack of attention and interest. Charles had reminded her, without meaning to, of what a slug she had been about going out. She was still startled by his invitation, but agreed to

Tuesday. She didn't make a note of their dinner plans, she knew she'd remember, and she thanked him as they got up and left. “Where do you live, by the way?” She gave him the address, and said that he would meet her children when he picked her up, and he said he'd like that. He walked her back to her office, and she liked striding along beside him. He had been good company over lunch. And then she thanked him for lunch again, and walked back into her office, feeling dazed. She had a date. An honest-to-God dinner date, with a fairly attractive forty-nine-year-old internist. He had told her his age over lunch. She didn't know what to make of it, although she realized with a smile to herself that, if nothing else, her father would be pleased. She'd have to tell him about it the next time they talked. Or maybe after the date.

And then, all thoughts of Charles West went out of her head. Josephine was waiting in her office. Maxine took off her coat and hurried in to begin their session.