Rumble Tumble

20

Next morning I rode with Herman in his truck to drop his prairie dogs at his distributor’s ranch. Money changed hands, the dogs were unloaded, and we drove back.

When we got to the church and parked, we saw Brett out back of the place running a water hose over her naked body. In the rosy morning sunlight, her wet red hair cascading over her pale freckled shoulders, the thin line of fiery hair on her pubic mound, her breasts swaying as she bent beneath the water hose, I had a feeling I had just glimpsed what heaven must offer twenty-four hours a day. With maybe a fifteen-minute break for some kind of tonic.

With the water running hard, Brett hadn’t noticed us. She swished, turned and bent and showed us her bottom, then turned and saw us. She frowned, shrugged her shoulders and went back to it.

We just sat in the truck, not knowing what to do. Finally, I opened the door and got out and Herman did the same. We walked around to the front of the church.

Herman said, “I just remembered why I like women.”

“Yep,” I said. “Me too.”

“She’s your woman, isn’t she?”

“She’s her own woman, but she lets me hang out with her.”

“For the first time in a while, I want to take a bath.”

“Just a few kinds words, Herman,” I said. “You need it.”

The door to the church was open, and when we looked in Red was tied up and gagged and lying where Brett had been. Herman went inside and began untying him. I didn’t try to stop him.

When the gag was removed, Red began to sputter. “That nigger did this.”

“Ixnay on the iggernay,” I said. “I don’t like it, and Leonard, he likes it less.”

“He tied me up for talking too much,” Red said. “He said I was a nuisance.”

“You are a nuisance,” Herman said.

“Et tu Brute?” Red said.

“Where is Leonard?” I asked.

“I don’t care,” Red said. “I can’t believe this. He tied me up like a prize pig and left me here. He’ll pay for that. My mother used to put me in the closet, lock me in when she wanted to be rid of me. I told myself I would never allow another person to do what she did.”

“We’ve been doing it for days,” I said.

“That’s right,” Red said, “you have. And I promise there will be reprisal.”

“I’m going to help them,” Herman said.

“What?” Red said.

Herman nodded. “That’s right. I haven’t done much with my life, Red, and you’ve done nothing with yours. Let’s do something constructive for a change.”

“Rescuing a whore?” Red said. “Are we saving her from a fate worse than death? I have news for all you knights, Tillie’s cherry has long been removed from the box and the cherry’s consumed and the box is trampled, if you get my meaning.”

“That has nothing to do with it,” I said. “We’re not rescuing her from sex. We’re trying to rescue her from abuse.”

“She’s been abused so long she thinks it’s foreplay,” Red said.

“I think perhaps one day she figured out it wasn’t,” I said. “That’s why she wants to come home.”

Brett appeared in the doorway wrapped in a towel that didn’t cover too much. Another towel was wound around her head and hair. She was carrying a bar of soap. “It’s hard to have privacy here,” she said.

“Wow!” Red said. “Lady, may I say you could be serious money on the hoof if you wanted to trade professions.”

“No thanks,” Brett said. “I borrowed some soap and some shampoo, Herman. My suggestion is you take advantage of it as well. And these towels could use some soap themselves.”

“Herman and I were just discussing his body odor,” I said.

“I hope you weren’t discussing anything else,” she said.

“Sorry about that,” I said. “We had no idea what you were doing.”

“And you spent a while making sure you had no idea,” she said.

“We couldn’t move,” Herman said. “The blood had sunk to our lower extremities.”

“I know where it sunk to,” Brett said. “Leonard tied the turd here up so I could shower and he could nap in the car.”

“Herman is going to help find Tillie,” I said.

“That right?” Brett said, and for the first time in days she looked excited.

“Yes,” Herman said.

Brett walked over to the end of the pew where her clothes lay. She took hold of her panties, and very deftly put them on without losing the towel or giving us a sideshow.

“When do we start?” she asked.

“Today,” Herman said. “The sooner the better.”

Brett slipped on her jeans. It was like the reverse of a snake wiggling out of its skin. “That’s good,” she said. “That’s real good.” She turned, pulled the towel from her body, tossed it on a pew. With her naked back to us she pulled on her shirt while we held our breath. She removed the towel from her head, shook her hair, and when she turned the shirt was half buttoned and her hair fell against it and dampened her breasts. She pulled a long comb from her back pants pocket and began carefully dragging it through her wet hair.

“How long after you three get through looking at my titties are we going to do this thing?” Brett asked.

“We could look a long time,” Red said.

“But we won’t,” Herman said. “We’ll do this soon as the three of you are ready.”

We talked briefly and made some general plans. Brett recovered her revolver where she had hidden it outside under an overturned bucket, stuffed it in her pants, and while Herman stripped off out back and bathed, we went out to see Leonard.

I opened the back seat door and tapped him on the leg. He squirmed, and I tapped him again. When he rolled over, he had a pistol in his hand.

I said, “Howdy.”

He put the gun away, mumbled something and sat up. He rubbed his neck and the back of his head and finally said, “First thing I want to do when I can is jack off, take a good shower, and sleep in a good bed. Maybe eat a steak and a bag of vanilla cookies. I need some cheering up.”

“I don’t feel so spiffy myself,” I said.

“Me neither,” Brett said.

“Sorry about that masturbation line,” Leonard said.

“That’s all right,” Brett said. “I’d like a good fingering myself.”

“Herman is going to help Brett find Tillie,” I said.

Leonard nodded, got out of the car and leaned against it. He said, “That’s good. I’m glad. When are we going?”

“Pretty quick,” I said.

“Those two,” Leonard said. “Can we trust them?”

“Herman, maybe,” I said. “Red, not at all. There’s other problems. We got to go to Mexico sneaky like. We can’t just walk across the border with our guns and enough ammunition to start a revolution.”

“Any idea how we’ll do that?” Leonard asked.

“Herman claims he has a border connection,” Brett said. “But it’ll cost us some money. A thousand dollars. I got the money, so if Herman’s telling the truth, that’s done.”

“I don’t know,” Leonard said. “I wouldn’t trust either one of ’em far as I could throw ’em. Though, the midget I could probably toss pretty far.”

“I hate that little shit,” Brett said. “Far as I’m concerned, I’d put up a hoop and watch you make baskets with him.”

“What’s it going to be?” I said. “We going to trust Herman or not?”

“I have to,” Brett said.

“No you don’t,” Leonard said. “We go Herman’s way, but we don’t trust him. We keep our eyes open and don’t get too lax. I say we put Red in the trunk again.”

“Suits me,” Brett said.

“Not me,” I said.

“Always the fuckin’ humanitarian,” Leonard said.

“He could get gassed, die on us.”

“Your point?” Brett said.

“Amusing,” I said. “But it could happen.”

“He’s right,” Leonard said. “Then we got a dead midget to explain. Another point, we do this thing Herman wants, pay this guy to get us across the Mexican border with our weapons, what then? What about The Farm?”

“I asked him that,” I said. “The Farm is a way station and pleasure house for the Bandito Supremes. Where they are, they feel pretty safe. Got authorities paid off, and there aren’t any immediate authorities anyway.”

“Recreation,” Brett said. “That’s what they’re doing with Tillie. She’s just meat for them. These Bandito Supremes want a little R and R, well, Tillie’s there for them. Sort of like a piece of equipment in a rec room. It’s disgusting.”

“Way you got to look at it, Brett, is like this,” Leonard said. “She ain’t doin’ nothin’ she wasn’t already doin’. She’s doin’ more of it and maybe in rougher circumstances, but it’s not a new experience, so it’s not necessarily a worse life than before. Important thing is, we’re gonna go in there and get her.”

“Herman says the place really isn’t guarded that well,” I said. “There’s so many of them they don’t worry much.”

“How many?” Leonard asked.

“It can vary from time to time,” I said. “Depends.”

“So there could be fifty or a hundred?”

“It’s possible. But there could be three.”

“That’s my man,” Leonard said. “Still looking for that pony.”

“Pony?” Brett said.

“Tell you later,” I said.

“Anyway,” Leonard said, “we’re going to cross the border with all our little guns, then we’re going to waltz in there and shoot the shit out of fifty, maybe a hundred guys. Or maybe three guys, and we’re going to take Tillie with us, get back across the border, and head for the house. That doesn’t sound like much of a plan, Hap.”

“Herman thinks we can maybe do it at night,” I said. “Go in and get Tillie and not cause too much of a ruckus. He knows the place well, and he knows the country around there fairly well.”

“Here’s the good part,” Brett said. “Herman’s connection, he hasn’t seen in ten years. That doesn’t work out, then we have to figure a way to get ourselves across the border.”

“Then, if we managed to do this thing,” I said, “we got to deal with the Bandito Supremes coming after us.”

“I don’t know that’ll amount to much we get a good lead,” Leonard said. “These guys are a bunch of thugs, not the Deerslayer. I doubt they could track sperm on their legs.”

“Herman says the Bandito Supremes are vengeful,” Brett said. “They’ll follow us if they know who to follow. You’d think one little whore wouldn’t be worth it.”

“It’s got nothing to do with that,” I said. “It’s that old macho mentality about crossing the line, and holding the line. Herman was lucky once. If they know it’s him this time, they aren’t going to make any pact. And besides, there’s another reason Herman wants to go. He doesn’t want to come back here even if they don’t see him. He wants to start over. Sort of remake himself.”

“He tell you that?” Leonard said.

“No,” I said. “Not exactly, but that’s what I get from him.”

“He’s got some kind of fantasy going he can take Red away from the life of a thug,” Brett said, “turn him into something better.”

“Yeah,” Leonard said, “and a kind word to a crocodile will get you a smile.”

“It all boils down to this,” I said. “Do we still want to go in?”

“You know what I have to do,” Brett said.

“Then you know what I have to do,” I said.

“I don’t have to do shit,” Leonard said, “but since I got nothing but laundry waiting at home, let’s do this thing.”