Runaway Heart

FORTY-SIX

Jack's head was throbbing. It felt thick as oatmeal, heavy as a fifty-pound medicine ball. He was in the back row of Federal District Courtroom Sixteen, wedged between two more unlikely characters. On his right was a skinny old man with a string bean. On Jack's other side, snoring like Bluto's wife after a hard night of drinking, was the fattest woman he had ever seen. She was slumped over sleeping, and kept oozing toward him.

The TRO against DARPA was back in court and Herman was droning on. Susan was sitting next to him at the plaintiff's table, making notes. Warren Krookshank was up on the bench. He was a handsome African-American judge with silver-gray hair, rimless glasses, and a quiet, no-nonsense demeanor. The defense counsel, all ten of them, were gathered around their rectangular mahogany table in a pregame huddle.

Jack tried to focus on Herman's argument and ignore the old geezer muttering on the wooden bench next to him.

"… reviewed the whole question of Charles Chimera's DNA," Herman was saying as Jack's attention returned.

"Objection, Your Honor," shouted Joe Amato. He was on his feet, his white cuffs and porcelain caps glittering. "The law clearly dictates denial of this TRO solely on the issue of standing. Counsel is attempting to sue my clients using an animal as his plaintiff. So before we get into the merits of the TRO, or whether this beast even exists, I want to get a ruling with regards to whether counsel can stand over there and represent a chimpanzee."

Herman was also on his feet.

"Not a chimpanzee, Your Honor, a being who has DNA closer to human homology than that of a Down's syndrome child. Judge King has already accepted the stipulation of the parties, that DNA is the yardstick for measuring humanity. That fact has already been established in this case."

"I know what Judge King ruled regarding stipulation, Mr. Strockmire. I've read the court transcript." Krookshank removed his glasses and looked down at Herman sternly. "Before I rule on that objection, is there anything else you want to submit, counsel?"

Herman moved out from behind the plaintiff's table. "Yes, Your Honor." He cleared his throat, then took a breath to center his thoughts. "Inequalities have existed for as long as people have been on this earth. We are a species that seems to treasure our ability to defend and fight for our inequalities, and there are many. We have religious, racial, and gender inequalities. We have inequalities of social status and of wealth. There are even commercial inequalities like those afforded to people flying first class as opposed to those flying coach. As a society, in order to grow we have to learn to embrace the natural inequalities that exist between us and reject the artificial ones. I'm not in favor of banishing all inequalities, Your Honor. Perhaps some of these differences exist between us for a reason, and perhaps some of them aren't bad-at least the nondiscriminatory ones. Perhaps by seeing certain people differently, others will strive to be better.

"But what happens, Your Honor, when a person, no matter how hard he or she tries, cannot redefine their station in life, and for that reason they are discriminated against? For instance, no matter how hard each of us tries, we will always be our same race, we will always have our same genetic or gender differences. Therefore we must accept that there are some things that simply cannot be changed. For instance, the makeup of our own DNA. Our DNA is a map of our personal genetic history, and up till now it was unchangeable no matter what we did.

"But my client's DNA has been changed to within a few tenths of a percentage point of human DNA. This, I will remind you, was done without his permission. Should the fact that Charles Chimera's DNA does not now exactly match the rest of us be enough to deny him Constitutional rights? Should that fact cause him to have to suffer further torture and inhumane testing? Because, Your Honor, this is what is happening here. Charles Chimera and his John Doe chimera co-plaintiffs have had their DNA altered, causing them grave bodily harm. Only this court stands between them and any future irreparable experimentation."

"Objection," Amato said.

He sounded bored. He sounded amused. He sounded frustrated, Jack marveled. All of that in one nine-letter word. The guy was simply magnificent.

"What does any of this have to do with the fact that Mr. Strockmire is representing an animal in this court and doesn't have a shred of standing for his plaintiff?" Amato challenged.

Warren Krookshank seemed to ponder that, and looked down at Herman. "This court concedes that inequalities exist, Counselor. However, this court is also bound by legal precedent. The defense raises a good point. Historically, only Homo sapiens have been allowed access to our judicial system."

"Your Honor, need I remind you of Dred Scott-a slave who was told that because he was a slave, and therefore was defined as property, he could not sue for his own freedom in a court of law? That decision was eventually overturned by the Supreme Court. But before that it was the law. He was denied court standing, just as Charles Chimera is being denied his legal access. Even though he is closer to a human, by virtue of his DNA chart, than a Down's syndrome child or a genetically damaged fetus-many of whom have availed themselves of their legal rights in federal court.

"I have here a table of federal cases in which the court has heard lawsuits on behalf of beings with DNA further from the human norm than Charles Chimera's, together with a description of their DNA status. I would like to submit this as Exhibit B." He rummaged in his folder and withdrew a stack of pages, then handed his list of cases to the clerk, who marked them. Herman handed out copies to the defense, then reached up and ceremoniously laid one on Judge Krookshank's bench.

"I have to admit, there is something in this argument that is intriguing," Krookshank said. "The law must be prepared to change with the times. However, I'm still not convinced. I'm going to let you continue on the assumption that as we proceed you will establish facts to bring this more clearly into focus. I will rule on the issue of Charles Chimera's standing at some point down the road."

"Objection, Your Honor," Amato roared.

"Overruled."

"Exception."

"Noted."

A break in the action. They all sat around looking at one another wondering what to do next.

"Your Honor," Mr. Amato finally argued. "We don't accept the existence of any such thing as a chimera."

"I have submitted to this court a chart of Charles Chimera's DNA base pairs. It proves without a doubt that he exists, even though his presence in court is not possible today. However, we will have testimony from witnesses who have seen Charles Chimera. I heard him speak, and will offer my own declarations as to those facts."

"It's not possible, because there isn't anything or anyone called Charles Chimera. This hybrid animal doesn't exist and Mr. Strockmire has no proof that it does," Amato said.

"Your Honor, I'm prepared to put on a genetic expert, Dr. Carolyn Adjemenian, who will testify that this gene map could not be reverse-engineered."

"And we will put on ten experts who will explain how it can be reverse-engineered," Amato shot back. "This map of base pairs is nothing but a puzzle designed in a computer. There is no chimera, or whatever. Counsel can't prove there is! If he could, you'd see it sitting there."

Herman stood and handed up a discovery motion. "Your Honor, the gene map speaks for itself, but if Mr. Amato wants the real thing, the chimeras are currently being held and experimented on at the Ten-Eyck reservation out by Indio. They're being trained out there to be soldiers by an agency of the federal government. I want this court to grant this discovery motion to allow us to go out there and see for ourselves."

"A fishing expedition? Is that what this has finally turned into?" Amato said. "Perhaps we should also go looking for Bigfoot."

"No," Herman shot back. "It's not a fishing expedition, it's a discovery motion, a document whereby you, sir, are ordered to produce the hybrid animals in question."

"Your Honor, I resent that and object. Moreover, if counsel is making a discovery motion, the defense has not been given proper notice."

Warren Krookshank had his glasses back on and was looking at the motion, flipping pages. Then the judge looked up from the document. "As to the lack of notice, in the interest of time I'll consider this motion now and give Mr. Amato a chance to submit opposition in a minute, if I think it warranted."

The drones on the defense team were huddled over the motion, reading fast.

"This discovery motion seems in order, Mr. Amato. I don't think I'll need anything further from you," Krookshank announced.

"Except for one thing, Your Honor." Amato wasn't out of it yet.

"And what's that?" Krookshank said, looking up.

"It's an Indian reservation, and as such is not covered by the discovery requests of this court. As you know, tribal lands are sovereign territories much like foreign embassies, and therefore are not subject to U.S. federal laws or rules of evidence. Anticipating this move by Mr. Strockmire, I have already talked to the Ten-Eyck Tribal Administrator, who has informed me that it is their long-standing policy to deny legal summonses and motions with regard to the reservation. With that in mind, we are objecting to this discovery motion under Apache Nation v. the Office of Indian Affairs, U.S.A. v. the Chippewah Nation, U.S.A. v. the Seminole Nation, et al. The list is extensive, Your Honor. Lengthy precedent exists here. This is an old burial ground of legal arguments-excuse the pun."

"Your Honor, I would like to call a witness who I think can clarify this matter for all of us," Herman said.

"And who is that?" Judge Krookshank asked.

"Russell Ibanazi, chief of the Ten-Eyck tribe. He has pertinent testimony regarding the issue counsel raises."

"Your Honor, Chief Ibanazi has no position with regard to this land. He doesn't even live on the reservation. The Tribal Administrator is a man named Scott Nichols. He and he alone is in charge of Ten-Eyck tribal affairs on the reservation. I have his prepared affidavit here denying access."

"Your Honor, Scott Nichols is no longer-"

"Just a minute. Let me review this affidavit first," Krookshank said as Amato handed up his paperwork. Judge Krookshank readjusted his glasses and began to read. Herman didn't bother to read it because he already knew it was irrelevant. "Counsel seems to have a point," Krookshank said after shooting through the document. He removed his glasses and looked at Herman.

"Your Honor, may I please call Russell Ibanazi? I promise he can clarify all of this for you."

"All right, call your witness," Krookshank said.

"Objection."

"Overruled."

"The plaintiff calls Russell Ibanazi," Herman announced.

The bailiff opened the door and Izzy strode into court. He was dressed in a charcoal suit, starched white shirt, with a black-and-red tie and matching pocket square. His black hair glistened. Jack thought he looked better than Wayne Newton on Hollywood Squares. Izzy took the stand and was sworn in.

Herman moved toward him. "Mr. Ibanazi, could you tell us your position with respect to the Ten-Eyck tribe?"

"I am the chief. My male ancestors have held that position for almost two hundred years."

"I see. And who is currently in charge of tribal affairs at the Ten-Eyck reservation?" Herman asked.

"I am."

"Objection, Your Honor," Amato said. "This statement is clearly in conflict with the affidavit I just submitted, which confirms that Scott Nichols is the Tribal Administrator."

"Was the Tribal Administrator," Herman said. "He was voted out of his job last night by the entire Ten-Eyck tribe."

Herman stepped forward. "I have here a copy of the Ten-Eyck tribal laws, which provide that the Tribal Administrator may be replaced at any time by a majority vote of the Tribal Council. I also have a notarized record of that vote, which was taken at ten thirty-five last night." Herman opened a folder and removed the notarized records, then dealt out copies like a blackjack dealer.

"Your Honor, the Ten-Eyck tribe has entered into a binding contract with the U.S. government to lease that land," Amato persisted. "This vote is in violation of the government's lease agreement." He was scanning the document.

"Counsel?" Krookshank said looking over at Herman.

"Didn't Mr. Amato just say that reservation land was sovereign and not subject to the jurisdiction of the American courts? Didn't we just hear that?" Herman crowed.

"I believe we did," Krookshank was smiling slightly.

"Then I think if he wants to argue that one, he needs to file a breach-of-contract suit and see if he can get some civil court to overrule the long-standing list of decisions he just provided us with."

Herman held up Amato's list of Vs.

"I agree," Krookshank said. "Proceed, counselor."

"Chief Ibanazi, I'm going to show you a discovery motion and ask if you have any objections to the court making a trip out to your reservation to see if Charles Chimera and these five John Doe chimeras can be located?" Herman said.

"Absolutely no problem," Izzy responded. "You're all invited."

Judge Krookshank looked at his watch. "In the interest of preserving the evidence, how 'bout three this afternoon? I'll have the marshal arrange for some vans." He banged his gavel. "This court stands in recess."