Saving Zoë

Twenty

“Are you sure this is okay?” Abby whispers, for like the hundredth time since she and Jax arrived.

“Omigod, it’s fine,” Jenay says, rolling her eyes and laughing. “Seriously, you look amazing.”

“Echo?” Abby looks at me. “Hello! Earth to Echo? Any comments on my outfit? Do these jeans make me look fat? C’mon, you can tell me, I can take it.”

I look at her and force myself to smile. “Please, you couldn’t look fat if you tried. Really. Now the Bratz doll? She looked fat. She just couldn’t pull it off like you can.”

Luckily Abby and Jenay both laugh, which means I’m pulling it off better than I thought. They have no idea how I’m not really here, that in my head, I’m back in the parking lot with Marc, just seconds after we both saw Teresa.

We didn’t speak the whole way home, but when he stopped on my corner he turned to me and said, “Echo, I’m so sorry. I—”

“Don’t.” I stared straight ahead, listening to the steady hum of the engine, determined to be brave and say what I felt for a change, rather than chickening out and running away like usual. “Don’t apologize,” I said, turning toward him. “I wanted to see you. And I’m not at all sorry for what happened.” I felt stronger after saying that, strong enough to actually look him in the eye.

“And Teresa?” He looked at me, his eyes filled with worry.

I took a deep breath, remembering the expression on her face, the wide eyes and gaping mouth so easy to translate, even from all the way across the parking lot. And how it turned into a slow curving smile as she watched us

climb into the car and drive away. “I’ll deal with Teresa,” I said, having not the slightest idea how I’d actually do that. But it sounded convincing.

Then I grabbed my purse and crawled out of the car, shutting the door firmly between us. And just as I started to move toward my house, I turned back, leaned through the open window, and said, “Hey Marc, thanks. Thanks for today.”

He smiled at me, holding my gaze for a moment. Then he turned up his stereo, shifted into gear, and drove away.

But now, with the three of us crowded into Teresa’s guest bathroom for the sole purpose of talking Abby down from her self-induced, body-dysmorphic panic attack, I realize I still have no plan for how to handle Teresa.

But then again it’s not like she doesn’t have her own secrets to hide. And it’s not like she was alone either.

“Listen, this is crazy. We’ve got to get out of here,” Jenay says, having reached her limit as she reaches for the door handle. “We’re in here, the guys are out there, and there’s something very wrong with this picture. Abby, you look great, you are great, and I can tell Jax is totally into you. But if you don’t get out of this bathroom right this second and back to your date I’m going to scream.”

Abby takes a deep breath and follows Jenay, while I linger behind the two of them, peering into the mirror as they head out the door, wondering how it’s possible to still look like me, when I feel so different inside.

Okay, so normally on a Saturday night, when someone’s parents are out of town and they decide to throw a party, you can pretty much expect to see the usual things — music blaring from somebody’s docked iPod, a lamp and/or vase breaking into a million little pieces, a half-hearted fistfight that breaks up well before they can take it outside, sporadic alcohol-induced vomiting in the bushes, people sneaking upstairs to hook up — I mean, those are just some of your basic, all-purpose party ingredients, right? Not that I’ve been to that many parties, but still, I’ve watched a lot of TV and movies and read a lot of books, so I think I know what to expect.

But Teresa’s party is nothing like that. Probably because she only invited her friends from school, which means she’s acting more like her lunch table self — you know, cute, flirty, preppy, and fun, as opposed to her off-campus self — the slutty girl who smokes and drinks, wears low-cut sweaters, and has really bad taste in men. I mean, if “Hot Jason” and “Asshole Tom” were here, I doubt she’d be blasting the indie girl CD, serving snacks and appetizers from a carved, bamboo tray, and dispensing cocktails from her parents’ sleek, well-stocked, mahogany bar.

It’s like everything is so carefully coordinated — the plates match the cups match the napkins match the flowers — heck, even her outfit is in cahoots, with the belt, shoes, and earrings all coordinating with tonight’s color scheme. And it’s kind of bizarre to be hanging with a bunch of kids from school on a Saturday night, at a party that

seems way more like a baby shower.

“I saw this same exact spread in InStyle magazine,” Teresa says after Jenay compliments her on the tiny, matching, sky-blue bud vases she placed in an undulating pattern across the glass-topped coffee table. “It was for someone’s baby shower, I can’t remember who. Jennie Garth? Jennifer Garner?” She scrunches up her face. “No, someone else. Anyway, I clipped it because the second I saw it I knew I wanted my baby shower to be just like that, but then I thought, omigod, what am I waiting for? I mean, getting knocked up is like, at least a decade away. So I just made a few tweaks, and voilar

She says “voilar like “voy-la!” But I don’t have the heart to correct her. I just stand there, sipping my drink and smiling, wondering if she has any immediate plans to out me.

I gaze over at Abby who’s perched on the edge of the sofa, nodding at Jax’s every word, and trying hard to look interested in whatever it is that he’s saying. And then Parker walks up, slips his arm around my waist, and kisses me on the cheek.

And my eyes dart straight for Teresa, like the second he does that, wondering what she’ll do. But she just smiles even wider and goes, “You guys are way too cute together.” Then she winks at me and walks away.

“Come on, I wanna show you something,” Parker says, tugging on my arm as he leads me upstairs. And when we end up in the guest room, well let’s just say I’m not exactly surprised.

“Parker, I don’t think—” I start, but then he puts his finger over my lips before quickly replacing it with his mouth.

So I let him kiss me. At least while we’re still just standing by the door. But when he tries to pull me toward the bed, I shake my head and go, “No.” Pulling away, attempting to free myself from his grip.

“Come on.” He smiles. “No one’s gonna walk in. It’s just us.”

But it’s not about somebody walking in. It’s about the fact that I just can’t do this anymore. Not after having kissed Marc. Not after having tasted the real thing.

“I just want to go back downstairs and hang out with my friends,” I say. “Come on, let’s go. We can do this later.”

“I’m your friend,” he says in this syrupy voice that totally gets on my nerves. “And I’m right here.”

“I mean my other friends. You know, like Jenay and Abby and everyone else.” I shake my head and roll my eyes, making no attempt to hide it.

“What’s your problem?” He squints at me, his face looking more hurt than angry. “You hardly answer your phone, you’re always running off. It’s like, if you don’t want to be with me, Echo, then just say it.”

I gaze down at the ground, then back at him, wishing I could be the right kind of girl. The kind who wouldn’t just know that she’s lucky to be with him, but actually feel it too. The kind of girl he deserves. But I’ve strayed so far from normal now, I’ll never find my way back. And the truth is, I no longer want to.

“I don’t think we should do this anymore,” I finally whisper, still staring at the ground, yet feeling the weight of his stare upon me.

He stands there for a moment, not saying a word. Then he shakes his head and brushes right past me. “Whatever,” he says, as he heads down the stairs.

By the time I make it back down, it’s pretty clear that everyone knows. I can tell by the way they all look at me, eyes wide, lips parted, voices gone suddenly silent. Believe me, if anyone knows the signs of being the headline, the star of the big juicy story, it’s me.

So I head straight for the door, knowing better than to stay. And just as I grab the handle, Jenay and Abby appear. “Where you going?” they ask, their voices careful, their faces concerned.

“It’s a couples party,” I remind them. “And since I’m no longer a couple…” I shrug, wanting to leave it at that, but knowing I can’t. They’re my best friends, which means they’ve earned the right to hear more. “Listen, don’t worry. I’m fine. Just have fun and call me tomorrow. I’ll explain it all then, okay?”

And before they can even respond, I’m already halfway down the drive. And just as I reach the end I hear Teresa call out, “Hey Echo, be careful out there, okay?”

And I don’t know if she’s referring to the walk home, or what she saw at the park. But either way, I just keep going.