Scots on the Rocks

2

The rest of the week passed quickly, but that following Monday as the wind picked up and the rain slanted down, Judith’s mood turned sour. Joe had told her they’d be leaving in a couple of weeks, but he hadn’t mentioned a date or anything else about his plans. Judith had alerted Ingrid Heffelman about the need for a B&B sitter. Ingrid had been cantankerous, though she’d agreed to find someone reliable. Monday afternoon, Ingrid had called to confirm the dates. Judith was unable to tell her anything concrete. Ingrid had hung up in a huff. Judith didn’t blame her, but Joe wasn’t forthcoming. He merely went around the house humming and looking pleased with himself.

“At least,” Judith said to Renie the next day as the cousins met for coffee at Moonbeam’s on top of Heraldsgate Hill, “the Rankers are back from California, so Mother is taken care of. Thank heavens she’s in a better mood since she unburdened herself about the bridge game.”

Renie sipped her mocha and nodded. “I’ve rounded up the usual suspects to watch over Mom. She’s convinced we’re going to some ghastly place where we’ll need shots and mosquito netting and get kidnapped by white slavers.”

Judith blew on her espresso. “Bill hasn’t let anything slip?”

Renie shook her head. “You know how tight-lipped he can be. Bill’s the only person I know who could withstand any kind of torture before revealing a secret. Even threatening to make homemade soup for dinner won’t get him to open up. He’s very strong.”

Judith recalled many years earlier when Renie had made soup—for the last time. One of their children had thrown a dirty gym sock in it, hoping to improve the flavor. Renie had taken the hint.

“But,” Renie went on, “I’ve got the tax stuff in to our CPA, I’m winding up loose ends with my graphic design business, and I’m virtually packed. So is Bill, but I can’t tell what he’s taking because he locked his suitcase and probably swallowed the key.”

Judith smiled at two mothers who were pushing high-tech strollers between the tables. “Mike and Kristin and the boys are coming for St. Patrick’s Day dinner tomorrow, so I know we aren’t leaving before that.”

“You’re lucky,” Renie said for what Judith figured was the hundredth time. “Your son and his wife and the grandchildren live only an hour away at the ranger station. Our three and their unfruitful spouses are whole continents and oceans away.”

As usual, Judith commiserated. “Think of the bright side,” Judith said. “In probably just a few days we’ll be relaxing under the sun with margaritas at our side.”

“I’m not so fond of sun,” Renie muttered. “I’m the essential Pacific Northwest native. Gloom is good.”

“I’m a native, too,” Judith countered, “but I wouldn’t mind some warmth and clear skies. It seems like a long winter.”

Renie, who had a foam mustache on her upper lip, shrugged. “Fair enough. Getting away will be nice. So will being waited on. A spa session sounds good, too.”

Judith replied. “I printed out the St. Regis Monarch Beach Resort in Dana Point web site and taped it to the bathroom mirror. It isn’t cheap, but we don’t go anywhere that often.”

“Nor do we.” Renie raised her cup. “To relaxation and pampering.”

Judith smiled. “My, yes. And to us.”

Mike and his family left Hillside Manor Thursday night full of corned beef, cabbage, carrots, potatoes, and soda bread. Judith was loading the dishwasher when Joe came up behind her and leaned over her shoulder. “Set the alarm for six o’clock.”

“I always do,” Judith replied, “so I can get the guests’ breakfast.”

“You’re not getting breakfast tomorrow,” Joe said, tightening his arms around Judith’s waist. “The airport shuttle’s coming at seven.”

Judith whirled around and angrily regarded her husband. “Joe! I can’t just walk out the door! I have to arrange for—”

He put a finger to her lips. “It’s covered. Your B&B sitters arrive at six-thirty. I talked to Ingrid Heffelman Tuesday. She’s a good sport.”

“Since when?” Judith snapped. But the mischief in Joe’s eyes softened her temper. “You took care of everything? Ingrid was…nice?”

“Sure. You’re kind of hard on her. She has a cute giggle.”

Judith shook her head in disbelief. “I’ve never seen Ingrid smile, let alone giggle.” But she could understand the usually dour überführer of innkeepers melting under Joe’s Irish charm. “Where are we going?”

He grinned at her slyly. “It’s still a surprise. You’ll find out when we get there.”

Having waited this long, Judith stopped asking questions. She still had a lot to do, but first she had to call Renie.

“Don’t,” Joe said. “She won’t know anything until Bill wakes her up at five-thirty.”

“But…” Judith goggled at Joe. “At that time of day Renie won’t be fit to deal with anything that doesn’t include a pillow and a dark room.”

Joe stepped away from Judith and shrugged. “That’s his problem. After forty years of marriage, Bill can handle it.”

Judith considered. “So we’re flying. If Renie doesn’t realize that, she won’t be a nervous wreck and therefore won’t have time to drink herself into a stupor like she did before we flew to San Francisco.”

“Very true,” Joe said. “And don’t worry about your mother. I talked to Carl and Arlene. I also told Mike where we’re going.”

Excitement began to build. “Oh, Joe, this is going to be wonderful!” She hugged him and planted a big kiss on his lips. Suddenly she tensed. “Does Mother know?”

“She knows we’re going,” Joe said.

“Does she know where and for how long?”

Joe looked vague. “Not exactly. A few days at the beach was the way I put it. She may have the impression we’re…ah…visiting Auntie Vince and Uncle Vance up on the island.”

“Just as well.” She smiled. “Oh, this is going to be amazing!”

Judith had no idea how right she was.

Renie was clearly smashed when the Flynns boarded the shuttle. But at least she was smiling, which wouldn’t happen in the early morning unless there’d been several shots of Wild Turkey involved.

Bill acted as if he’d never seen his wife before in his life. The trip to the airport was uneventful, however. Judith had been impressed by the older couple who had shown up to take over the B&B. They’d owned their own establishment for years in Idaho, but had sold it and moved farther west to be closer to their two sons and their families. Full retirement hadn’t suited either of them, so they’d become substitutes for absent innkeepers.

As usual, the airport was under construction. Judith couldn’t remember a time when it wasn’t being expanded or altered. When the Flynns and the Joneses got off the shuttle, she paid no attention to the overhead signs designating the various airlines. Judith was too busy watching Renie stagger slightly as she exited the vehicle.

“Thank you, doorman,” she said to the driver. “Put my purchases on the porch, okay?”

Bill was already at the curbside check-in desk. “Yes,” he said wearily in response to the woman who was checking their tickets. “She’s my wife. There’s nothing I can do about it. We’re Catholics.”

Joe was behind Bill. The process went smoothly except for Renie, who managed to get herself entangled in the ropes designating the passenger line. Judith managed to free her, and Renie managed a loopy smile and murmured, “…Crazy place for a jump rope.”

The husbands led the way to the escalators. Both men were walking faster than Judith could manage, but she thought it best to stay close to Renie, who was wandering this way and that.

“Hang on to me,” Judith said softly to her cousin.

“’Sa matter?” Renie asked. “Your hip hur’?”

“Yes.”

“Poor you.”

Judith kept the husbands within sight, but was puzzled when they headed for the tram that went to the far-flung airline waiting areas.

“Odd,” she murmured. “The California flights are in the main terminal.”

“You sure?” Renie asked.

“Yes.” Judith thought for a moment. “But I think some of the Hawaii flights are on the tram route.” She beamed at Renie. “Do you suppose we’re going to the islands?”

“What islands?”

“The…” But Judith had to hurry, hauling Renie along with her. The tram had arrived and the husbands were boarding. The cousins entered just before the doors slid shut. Recorded announcements were made while Judith scanned the stops listed above the doors.

“I was right,” she told Renie. “The first stop is for the Hawaiian-bound airlines. The second one, too. Oh, I’m so excited!”

“Unh,” said Renie.

But when the tram doors opened, Joe and Bill remained in place. Nor did they budge at the second stop.

“Golly,” Judith said, “we’re going to the international terminal.”

Renie gave a start. “Are you kidding?” she asked in what sounded almost like her normal voice. “You’re right. It’s the last one. Are we going to Polynesia or the Caribbean?”

“Australia or New Zealand, maybe,” Judith said. “It’s late summer or early fall down there, and we’ve had guests who’ve raved about the fishing—and the beaches.”

As the tram glided to its final stop, Joe nodded at Judith. The Flynns and the Joneses got off along with a half-dozen Asian businessmen, a couple of bearded Sikhs in turbans, an elderly cleric, and three exquisite young Japanese women whose beauty wasn’t the least bit marred by their giggles.

Only the cleric and one of the Sikhs headed in the same direction as Joe and Bill. Judith’s eyes grew huge as she realized they were going to the British Airways desk. She and Renie nudged their way in front of Joe and Bill as they waited to go through security. “London!” Judith gasped, and pointed to the departure listings. “Oh, I’m thrilled!”

“I thought you wanted sun,” Renie said. “The weather in London is the same as it here. Which, of course, is fine with me.”

Joe turned around. “London’s not our final destination.”

Judith stared at him. “What is?”

“You wanted beaches and an ocean view, right?”

“Yes, of course.” Judith jabbed Renie. “The Riviera—or Spain.”

“Really long flight,” Renie said under her breath. “Damn.”

Judith and Renie passed through security without any glitches. Joe and Bill, however, were stopped.

“Men,” Renie muttered. “Too many keys and other suspicious metal objects. It always happens.”

Joe was cleared after only a couple of minutes. Bill, however, was still being detained. But finally he was allowed to move on.

“What was that all about?” Renie demanded of her husband.

Bill frowned. “Do I know you? Are you a patient, or were you in one of my university classes?” He turned on his heel and walked away.

“Why have I not killed him in forty years?” Renie mumbled. “And why isn’t the bar open in this part of the terminal?”

For the next hour, Judith did her best to avoid Renie, who spent most of the time pacing around the waiting area. Joe and Bill had gone off to buy magazines. At last, the boarding call was announced.

“I wish I’d changed my will,” Renie murmured as she got into line. “I’d have left Clarence to Madge Navarre.”

“You know Madge hates animals,” Judith retorted. “She’d hardly want a bunny running around her condo. And don’t be so pessimistic.”

“Our husbands aren’t sitting with us,” Renie said as they moved up a few places in line.

Judith looked at her boarding pass. “You’re right. You and I are in a completely different part of the plane.”

“I can’t blame Bill,” Renie said. “The last time we flew I brought some small liquor bottles in my purse. The flight attendant said it was illegal and threatened to throw me off the plane. Bill offered to help.”

The cousins displayed their boarding passes and walked down the corridor to the plane. Inside the cabin, Judith saw Joe wave at her from his seat several rows away. Judith waved back but didn’t smile. Having Renie as a seatmate during a twelve-hour flight to London might be trying.

But as soon as she buckled her seat belt, Renie dug around in her purse, took out a pill caddy, extracted four small yellow tablets, and chewed them up. They had just begun to taxi for takeoff when Renie put her head on her cousin’s shoulder and said, “G’night.”

Judith also dozed off. The initial excitement had worn off and the long walk in the terminal had tired her. When she woke up, it was dark.

Renie also opened her eyes. “Where are we?” she mumbled.

“Thirty-five thousand feet above Planet Earth,” Judith replied.

Renie shuddered and went back to sleep.

Joe came by to check on his wife. “I saw you limp a bit when you went to the restroom,” he said, leaning across the aisle seat, which had remained blessedly empty. “Are you okay?”

Judith nodded. “Sitting so long bothers me sometimes. What time will it be in London when we arrive?”

“Around noon.” Joe checked his watch. “I’m already on UK time.”

“How much time between flights?”

“A couple of hours,” Joe said.

“How long is the second flight?”

“Not long.” He smiled mischievously. “See you at Heathrow.”

Judith couldn’t get back to sleep. She’d finished the novel she’d been reading and had flipped through the British Airways magazine. She was making a trek to the restroom when the pilot announced that they were beginning their descent.

By the time she reached her seat, Renie was awake. “I thought you left,” Renie said. “I heard the announcement. I like the descent part. If we crash, we don’t have so far to fall. Besides, we can jump up and down like people do on plunging elevators. If you’re up in the air when it lands, you won’t get hurt.”

Judith didn’t comment. Instead, she got out her compact and reapplied her makeup.

“You want to be a pretty corpse?” Renie asked. “I forgot—you can’t jump with that phony hip.”

“Shut up, coz,” Judith said. “We have only a two-hour layover. That means we can’t go into London. I’m kind of disappointed.”

“Maybe we can do that on the way back,” Renie said.

A half hour passed before the plane landed on the tarmac. Tired and stiff, Judith exited into the blur that was Heathrow. She didn’t feel as if she’d traveled ten thousand miles from Hillside Manor. She simply felt as if she’d had a very bad night.

“Sun,” she murmured to Renie as they waited in the customs and immigration line. “I can’t wait.”

This time there were no delays. The foursome was cleared in short order. Judith tried to hear Joe’s response when he was asked about their next stop, but he elbowed her out of the way and lowered his voice.

“Now what?” Renie demanded. “Hey!” She tugged at the sleeve of Bill’s jacket. “Remember me? We once took sacred vows in a church.”

But neither of the men would reveal anything. Judith didn’t pester Joe, conserving her energy to walk to their connecting flight.

Twenty minutes later, the cousins discovered the next stop.

“Aberdeen, Scotland?” Judith gasped.

“Why?” Renie asked in a bewildered voice.

“Sun-drenched beaches?” Judith muttered. “Not this time of year.” She turned to Joe, who was studying what looked like an itinerary. “Is Aberdeen our final stop?”

Joe didn’t look up from the printout. “No.”

Exasperated, Judith walked back to Renie. “We keep going.”

“How? By spaceship?”

Judith shrugged. “I’m beginning to lose my enthusiasm.”

The flight, however, was relatively short. By three o’clock, they were in misty Aberdeen. Renie complained that she couldn’t see the city from the airport.

“Don’t worry,” Bill said. “That’s not where we’re staying.”

Joe had rented a car. Fifteen minutes later, they were driving away from the city. Traffic was heavy. The Friday commute, Judith thought, and finally reset her watch.

“Are we there yet?” Renie asked sullenly from the backseat.

There was no answer from Joe behind the wheel nor from Bill, sitting beside his wife. After almost an hour, they left the highway where the mist began drifting onto the narrow, winding road.

“Are we there yet?” Renie asked again.

No answer.

“Where is there?” Judith inquired.

“You’ll see,” Joe said.

“I won’t see anything in this weather,” Judith retorted. “As much as I hate to use the words ‘husbands’ and ‘idiots’ in the same sentence, this is some terrible practical joke, or else…” She left the rest unspoken.

It had grown dark. Joe rolled down the window. “Smell the sea?”

“I smell a rat,” Judith muttered, she sniffing at the air.

Joe began to slow down, obeying the road signs giving the legal speed not in miles, but kilometers. “We’re getting close.”

“I’m starved,” Renie declared.

Moments later, lights glowed through the mist. “The village,” Joe said. “St. Fergna.”

“Who?” Judith asked.

“Fergna the White,” Joe replied. “A seventh-century abbot.”

“Who was Fergna the Black?” Judith asked dryly. “Or maybe Fergna the Black-and-Blue?”

“Fergna better have started a restaurant,” Renie grumbled.

From what Judith could see of the village, it was small and probably had a certain charm if it hadn’t been shrouded in mist. She spotted a half-dozen people on the winding cobbled streets. But Joe didn’t stop. He kept going seaward until they were on a steep dirt road.

“We aren’t there yet?” Renie demanded.

Joe stopped the car on the flat sands. A thick fog hid everything but their immediate surroundings. She knew they were near the North Sea. Not only could she smell it, but she could also hear the surf.

“Didn’t I promise you beach with a water view?” Joe asked.

Judith stared at him. “We’re camping?” Her tone wasn’t pleasant.

“No,” he replied. “Just wait.” He sat behind the wheel, hands folded on his slight paunch. After a few minutes, a light glowed in the fog. Joe flashed the headlamps. “Here’s the ferryman.”

“The ferryman?” Judith asked, aghast. “We’re going to an island?”

“Not quite,” Joe said. “Only when the tide’s in.”

Judith saw an elderly man approach carrying a lantern. He wore a peacoat, dark pants, and heavy boots. A fisherman’s cap covered most of his longish white hair.

“Gibbs here,” he said with a Highland accent. “Ye be Flynn?”

“Yes,” Joe replied. “Flynn and Jones.”

Gibbs peered inside the car, gazing with sea blue eyes at Judith and Renie. “These be your ladies?”

“Yes,” Joe repeated. “Mrs. Flynn and Mrs. Jones.”

“Come along,” Gibbs said.

Judith stepped out onto the wet sand and sank about half an inch. “I’m stuck,” she informed Joe. “Help me.” She refrained from adding, “Before I kill you.”

Renie disdained any assistance, her shoes squelching in the sand as she tromped toward a small skiff about ten yards away from the car. She swore several of her father’s favorites oaths along the way.

“Ah,” Gibbs said softly. “She be a rough ’un. Sounds like a sailor.”

“It’s hereditary,” Bill said.

Joe took Judith’s arm. She refused to look at him. When she was settled into the small craft, the wind changed and the fog began to roll out to sea. While Gibbs plied the oars, Judith could make out a rock formation with craggy, sheer cliffs. Her heart sank. She was sure they were going to stay in a lighthouse. With any luck, maybe the boat would sink, too.

Gibbs, who seemed very strong for his age, rowed the little group to the bottom of the rocks in less than five minutes. “Up ye go,” he said.

Joe helped Judith get out of the skiff and onto flat granite stones set in the sandy ground. “How,” she asked pointedly, “do we get up?”

“We follow these stones,” Joe said in a reasonable tone. “Look. There’s the lift.”

The elevator was an iron-grilled cage on cables that seemed to disappear into the clouds. Judith stared—and shuddered. “Is it safe?”

“Gibbs came down in it,” Joe said. “So now we go up in it.”

Renie was balking. “No way. I’ll sleep on the beach.”

“Move it,” ordered Bill, giving his wife a push. “Let’s go, let’s hit it, let’s boppin’, let’s—”

“Let’s shut the hell up,” Renie snarled. But she moved.

The foursome went inside the cage. Joe found a lever and pulled it. The conveyance rumbled and shook—and moved slowly up the face of the cliff. After about a minute, it stopped. They got out and took in the sight before them.

“My God!” Judith cried. “It’s a castle!”

Joe chuckled and put his arm around her shoulders. “Didn’t you want something fit for a queen?”