Searching for Perfect

seven

KENNEDY SLID INTO the booth, plucked up her Skinny Girl margarita, and guzzled. The tequila smoothed away her worries of the day, including her calorie count—since the ice cream episode, she’d beefed up on her Greek yogurt and oven-roasted turkey breast, and hadn’t indulged in carbs for a full forty-eight hours.

Maybe that was why she was so pissy.

“Another diet, babe?” Kate gave her a sympathetic look from across the battered table. Kennedy’s inner circle knew that her push-pull with food never ended, though she managed to achieve a healthy balance most of the time. She watched herself carefully and was now able to yank herself back when she began getting nuts over daily caloric intake or a missed gym appointment. She thought of anorexia as alcoholism. She was always recovering and could never be completely cured. One twisted reflection in the mirror could be the catalyst to starve herself, but so far, she hadn’t regressed in more than five years. Odd, she seemed much more relaxed about indulging around Nate. After the fries and ice cream, she hadn’t gone home and beat herself up. She’d actually been . . . happier and more satisfied.

But then the old anxieties had come creeping back in, and she had promised to be stricter than ever with what she let into her body.

She refocused on Kate. “Always battling the enemy of carbs.”

“Whatever you do, please don’t give up chocolate. The last time you tried, Arilyn almost quit.”

Arilyn laughed. The tinkling sound rang out like church bells. “I’m not afraid of Kennedy.”

“If you keep wearing these outfits on a Friday night, you better be scared. How are you supposed to catch a hot man dressed in yoga pants?”

Arilyn looked a bit smug and a whole lot of satisfied. “Don’t need to. We’re back together.”

Kate bit her lip. Worry bloomed from her expression. “That’s great, but, well, did he decide to be monogamous with you?”

Arilyn shrugged and sipped her apple martini. “We didn’t discuss it, exactly, but it’s assumed.”

Kennedy tapped her finger against her chin. “Darling, using the word assumed when it comes to sex brings one phrase to mind. It makes an ass out of you and me.”

A rare frown crossed Arilyn’s lovely features. Kennedy had been dying to make her over for years but was refused each time. Her background in yoga and meditation practice kept her firmly in the camp of organic cottons, environmental friendly make-up and hair products, and a tendency to downplay all her natural womanly assets. “There’s only one ass at this table.”

Kate laughed. “Listen, we’re just worried. The last time you walked in on him with another of his students you went into a depression. We want you happy.”

“I am happy. It’s complicated. He decided to go deeply into his meditation and discovered he can’t live without me. He won’t stray anymore.”

Kennedy fought the urge to find the asshole’s yoga studio and demonstrate her kickboxing moves on his face. Instead, she tamped down her anger and focused on the alcohol. “How come we’ve never met him?”

Arilyn shifted. “We don’t like to go public with our relationship. At least, not yet.”

Kate met Kennedy’s gaze, and they did the classic close girlfriend psychic thought volley. Both silently agreed he was going to hurt her again, and then they’d go and hurt him. Both agreed they needed to support Arilyn and play the denial game with enthusiasm. “We understand. It sounds like a great plan, and we’re behind you all the way,” Kate said.

“Me, too.”

Arilyn calmed. “Thanks. So, tell us the update with Eliza Doolittle. Ming succeeded, and Benny rocked the cut. Didn’t you say you were taking him to the gym?”

She plucked the cute umbrella out of her glass and twirled it around. “Yep. Can anyone say Zumba?”

Kate’s eyes widened. “No. You didn’t.”

“I did.”

Arilyn burst into giggles. “Oh, my God, that may have been better than Slade’s hot yoga session. You’re brilliant.”

She preened. “Thanks. He needed to get past some of the blocks regarding his body. He lives mostly in his mind and tortures himself about getting things right.”

“Hmm, sure he’s not a female you?” Arilyn asked.

“Funny. Nothing wrong with being a perfectionist. I’m going to keep him in the classes for a few weeks.”

“So, you did skin, hair, workout. Clothes are next, right?” Kate asked.

“I have to move the role-play session up. He tends to come on too strong and scares everyone away. Will you guys help me out? Maybe we can meet at a bar and run some setup scenes for the first meet?”

Kate lit up. “I love doing those! Can I be the bitchy slut this time?”

Kennedy rolled her eyes. “Whatever makes you happy.”

“Are you satisfied with his progress so far?”

She didn’t meet Arilyn’s suddenly piercing gaze. “Definitely. There’s a lot underneath the surface that people never get to see. I think he’ll be ready for his mixer in a week or two.”

“You like him.”

Kate’s words sounded like an accusation. Kennedy tried to keep her voice casual. “He’s a nice guy. What’s not to like?”

“No, no, that’s not what I mean. When you talk about him, you get a funny look on your face. Are you hot for the science geek?”

“No!” She slurped and got to the end of her drink, then prayed she wasn’t blushing. Dear God, she never blushed, not even during phone sex. “Don’t throw your witch energy on me. You need to sink your teeth into a new couple to hook up and leave me alone.”

Arilyn gasped. “You do like him! Your cheeks are kind of red.”

Kennedy picked up her head and snorted haughtily. “As. If. It’s the alcohol and the room is warm. When are Genevieve and Jane coming?”

“And changing the subject!” Kate clapped gleefully. “What are you so freaked out about? I love the nerd type. He may be good for you.”

Kennedy drew back. “And how, pray tell, can he possibly be good for me?”

This time her friends shared the psychic look. “You haven’t liked someone in a really long time, Ken,” Kate said gently. “You go through a different man every Friday and Saturday night and you still seem frustrated.”

“The sex is fine.”

“We’re not talking about sex,” Arilyn said. “We’re talking about connection. What about Mark? He seemed to hit all your demands.”

“He had a terrible habit of smelling his underwear and socks before putting them on.”

“That’s just called being a man. And what about Sam?”

She sensed a gang-up and stuck out her chin. “Sam had the ugliest feet in the world. When we got into bed together, if his troll toe touched me, I got the willies.”

Kate dropped her face into her hands. “You have got to be kidding me. And Tim?”

“He was completely obsessed with the supernatural. Watched those awful TV series about ghosts, and his career goal was to be a paranormal investigator.”

Arilyn nodded. “Well, I agree that one was weird. But what we’re trying to point out is you seem to find something wrong with every guy. By the fourth date, you’ve listed over a dozen bullet points to back up your decision to stop seeing him.”

Kennedy stuck out her lower lip. Damn counseling genes. She knew her best friends were right, but she didn’t know what to do about it. There was always something lacking. And if a man tried to get too close, she reached a block inside of her that a nuclear explosion couldn’t disintegrate. It was easier to concentrate on the physical—sensation, an orgasm, a few laughs. Anything deeper just didn’t seem to work.

“What does this have to do with the scientist?” she asked.

Kate stared hard. “I’m not sure. But if something interests you about him, go for it. You have nothing to lose.”

The image of that first hot, sweet kiss drifted in her vision. Oh, God, should she tell them? No, it would never happen again, and they’d obsess and drive her nuts. Not telling wasn’t a lie. Just self-preservation from a grilling, torturous session to rival a prisoner of war. Kennedy drained the rest of her drink and shook her head. “He’s a client, guys. I don’t get involved with the clients. We decided that was rule number one, two, and three if we were going to make Kinnections a success.”

Kate tossed her a dazzling smile. Her white blond hair shone like a halo. “I broke the rules and thank God I did.”

“Slade is different. You sensed the touch with him and you knew you were meant to be. Nate needs a professional to guide him to the right mate. If I go scratching an itch on impulse, I can end up hurting him and messing up his chances at Kinnections.”

“Ah, you are attracted to him.”

She ignored Arilyn’s smug comment and waved her hand in the air. “Look, I’ll admit he intrigues me. But that’s because he’s a challenge. Emotions get crossed in most of these cases, like a counselor and a patient. Or a yoga teacher and his student.”

Arilyn glared.

Kate spoke up. “Bottom line, we’re here for you. And we’ll have your back if you change your mind.”

Kennedy’s temper dissipated instantly and was replaced by the mushy goo of true friendship. “I love you guys. Thanks. And I promise to eat some bread tomorrow.”

“Thank God.”

They ordered another round and played a game of darts. When they returned to the table, Genevieve and Jane had just come in and wove through the crowd to reach them. Genevieve was Kate’s close friend, but they had all ended up bonding over the past years with Kinnections and formed a tight-knit group. Engaged to a hunky doctor who was also her boss at Westchester Medical Center, Genevieve was a surgical intern. Kate worried about her steadily dropping weight and daily exhaustion, since she worked round the clock and was now planning a wedding. Petite and usually full of a bubbling, fierce energy, she seemed a bit flat tonight. Her brown hair was pulled back in a ponytail, and she wore a simple black shirt, pants, and flats. A strange premonition drifted over her like a cloud when she took in Genevieve’s haunted blue eyes, tired smile, and gaunt waistline. Something was wrong. She held all the signs Kennedy knew well. Struggling with inner demons stole both the light and willpower from a person’s soul. She made a note to try to get her alone for a private chat.

Jane was Slade’s sister, and had met her fiancée through Kinnections. Kennedy was proud of the match and the serene happiness on the young woman’s face. Kennedy had always known that Jane, once a true “Plain Jane” in more ways than one, was a beautiful woman, but needed to build up her confidence. The transformation had been both inside and out. With Arilyn’s counseling, Kate’s patience, and her own makeover skills, Jane had blossomed and found love.

Kennedy reminded herself of other happy-ever-afters when she lay awake at night, not able to sleep. Her job helped others. The years of torture and growth and unhappiness were all made well worth it. And maybe, one day, she’d find her own brand of happiness in love.

The image of Nate’s mouth sliding over hers flickered in her vision.

She pushed it aside.

“How’s it going, ladies? Are we ready for the big engagement parties?” Ken asked.

Gen sighed. “I should’ve just hired a planner, but David says it’s best to control all the details to guarantee perfection. The big news is I’ve made the decision to move out of my bungalow.”

Ken noticed how she darted a nervous look at everyone as if afraid of backlash. Kate gave a long whine. “Nooooo! I’m gonna miss you as my neighbor. Who’s going to feed you and supply you with caffeine?”

Gen smiled. “I’ll miss you too, but David thinks it’s the best move. Silly to keep schlepping my stuff back and forth, and his place is so much bigger and near the hospital. I’m thinking of renting it out, though. I don’t want to give it up.”

An image of Nate and Connor floated past her. The idea formed slowly, but in moments had grown to the size of Jack’s beanstalk. Nate really needed his own place in order to cultivate an intimate, serious relationship. Somehow, she needed to convince either Nate or Connor to move out. Maybe she could offer up Gen’s place? With a few updates and masculine furnishings, it could work.

“Umm, Gen, I may know someone who could rent it for a while.”

“Great. I’ll make a copy of the key and just let me know when they want to look at it.”

“Done.”

A few hours passed. She relaxed under the slight buzz of alcohol, good conversation, and some deep belly laughs. Honestly, girlfriends were the best remedy to any of life’s challenges. Who needed men, after all? After the orgasm, it only went south fast.

The noise in the bar grew as a crowd of college students spilled in and began shouting over a beer funnel. Kate sighed. “I’m getting old. Way too loud in here. Call it a night?”

Gen hiccupped. “No, it’s still early. How about we walk to my place? Ken, you can take a few pictures on your phone and show your friend.”

“Sounds like a plan. Let’s go, ladies. Road trip.”

They slipped out of Mugs and hit the street. Even past eleven, the night was full of action. Lights twinkled from the shops, music spilled from the open door of different cafés, from hard rock to soothing classical, depending on the crowd. A full moon hung in the sky, orange and ripe, as if plucked straight from a children’s picture book. Couples held hands and munched on pastries as they strolled through the town, and groups lounged on terraces, smoking cigarettes and drinking wine.

Ken linked her arm with Kate to keep them both from tripping on their high heels. Jane, Arilyn, and Gen giggled and sang some pop song lyrics off-key. They finally reached Gen’s cozy bungalow and streamed into the living room. The space was small, but the clean, simple lines gave it an impression of space. The eggshell walls set off bold splashes of rich ocean blue and dandelion yellow. A large braided rug covered the bare wood floors and led from the open space of the living room to the kitchen, which held a knotty pine table, small island, and breakfast counter. Ken snapped a few photos while Gen uncorked another bottle of wine. Not too girly, and the place held a lot of character, from the crooked steps that led up to an open-air loft/attic, claw-footed tub in the bathroom, and large Cape Cod windows with shutters. Now she just had to convince Nate it was time to break up the brotherhood duo.

Gen handed out glasses. “Hey, Kate, I have those books for you that I borrowed. I kept forgetting to give them back.” She scooted over to the corner bookcase and grabbed a pile. “The one on stuttering was awesome, it really helped me with one of my patients.”

“Oh, good, but you could’ve kept them. I’ve got so many books, they don’t fit in my bookcases any longer,” Kate said.

“David doesn’t want me to bring too much over. Says most of what I have is junk.”

“Okay, no problem.” She scooped up the pile. “Ouch!” She yanked her fingers back and the books clattered to the floor. “Dammit, I got another shock from that thing.”

“What thing?” Ken reached over and slid out a violet colored, fabric book. Small and square, it had the title The Book of Spells stitched on the front.

Kate glowered and rubbed her hand. “I swear the thing is enchanted. I thought you were giving it to Izzy.”

Gen’s face fell. “No. I thought we’d make a joke about it, maybe cast the silly spell together for fun, but we had another fight and she’s not speaking to me. I hope she comes to the engagement party.”

“I’m sorry, sweets. Your sister’s going through a really hard time right now, but she has to find her own way. I’m sure she won’t miss the party. It’ll blow over,” Kate said.

Kennedy cracked open the cover. A musty scent drifted upward. She flipped through the pages. “Holy crap, it’s a real love spell. A chant to Earth Mother. Hysterical.”

Arilyn snorted. “Spells are just imaginative ways of trying to control our future when we feel completely lost and misguided.”

“I dare you to try it,” Ken threw out.

Arilyn looked at her like she’d gone nuts. “What? I don’t need a love spell, I’m perfectly fine in my current relationship. Gen, Jane, and Kate are engaged. You, my dear, are the one who needs to find Mr. Right.”

Jane giggled. “Remember when you were young and you did the Ouija board thing? We always gave triple dog dares to try to conjure up dead celebrities.” She gave a mock shiver. “Those things creep me out. I’m scared of them.”

Gen shrugged. “If I wasn’t engaged I would give it a shot. Go ahead, Ken. I triple dog dare you.”

Ken pushed the book to the side of the table. “I think true love has stolen your brain cells.”

“Oh, come on. We don’t do anything crazy anymore.”

Kate chuckled. “Remember when we smoked that joint from my mom while we watched 9 to 5?”

Arilyn hiccupped. “That was hysterical. Half of the night is one fuzzy, pleasant blur.”

“Hey, you cut me out of that one,” Gen said indignantly.

“You were working,” Kate reminded. “Plus it’s illegal. We can get away with stuff like that—we’re not doctors.”

“Oh. Well, then I get a do-over. Let’s do something tonight.”

Kate laughed. “Like what? Drugs are out, I’m done breaking the law for a while. We’re already drinking. And it’s not like we can streak naked through the streets of Verily.”

“Hmm, that’s not a bad one,” Kennedy muttered.

“Not going to happen.”

“Let’s all do the spell together!” Gen shouted.

Kate pressed her fist to her lips. Closed her eyes. Then whispered, “I did it.”

Ken stared. “Did what?”

“The spell. I completed the love spell.”

“Before Slade?”

Kate nodded. “Yep. Not that I think it has anything to do with me and Slade ending up together, but it was a bit weird. So I’m not doing it again.”

Jane laughed. “I’m not doing it either. I’m head over heels for Tim, and I don’t want to screw it up.”

Gen waved her hand in the air. “I’m happy too, but I’ll do it. Arilyn? Ken? You in?”

“You want to do it here?” Ken asked. “Now?”

“Sure. Read it aloud and tell us what we need.”

Arilyn nibbled on her lower lip. “I don’t know about this. I really don’t believe in the occult or spells or false deities.”

“Come on, A, please? For me?”

Arilyn seemed to notice Gen’s excitement over doing something silly and girly, and finally nodded. “Okay, I’m in.”

“Yes! What do we need to do?”

Kennedy flipped through the pages. “We need two sheets of paper each to make a list of all the qualities we need and want in our soul-mate. We burn one, then go home and slip the other under the mattress.” She paused, reading through the rest of the short book. “Then we chant something to Earth Mother.” She recited the words.

“That doesn’t sound bad,” Arilyn remarked. “Like a blessing and gratitude to the earth. I can do that.”

Gen scrambled off the floor and disappeared down the hall. She returned with a paper, pen, and a tapered candle. “Kate, can you grab a pot from the kitchen?”

Jane laughed. “You guys are crazy.”

Gen distributed the paper and pens. “Now everyone make their lists.”

Kennedy spoke up. “It says not to think too long. Just trust your inner gut and write from the heart.”

She bent her head and wrote the number 1. What did she want in a soul-mate? What did she need? With the pleasant buzz of the margaritas softening her barriers, and the comfort of her friends around her, she didn’t try to rationalize or ponder too hard. She wrote down the qualities of the man she’d always dreamed of in her secret soul. Qualities no man could really possess, of course. But she played fair and didn’t try to get around the instructions. After all, that was the main rule in a girl’s game. Treat the game with respect no matter how silly you may think it is.

After they filled out both sheets of paper, Kate lit the candle and placed it inside the steel pot. “Okay, Ken, read out the chant and we’ll put our papers into the fire.”

She recited the short phrases, and Arilyn and Gen followed. Then the papers caught flame and shriveled to black. Little pieces flew and drifted into the air as the fire burned. Everyone watched in silence until the last of the paper disappeared.

Ken stuck out her little finger. “Pinky promise we all take the second sheet of paper and place it under our mattresses when we get home.”

“Pinky promise,” Arilyn said solemnly.

“Pinky promise,” Gen said.

Ken dropped her hand. They all stared at each other, as if for one second they almost regretted the impulsive, juvenile actions of a love spell.

Almost.

Then Ken burst into laughter. Everyone followed, until tears streamed down her eyes and Gen swore she peed her pants.

A love spell.

As. If.

“YOU LOOK WEIRD, DUDE.”

Nate stared at his brother. He was flanked by his two buddies from the job site, who were already wasted. Connor tipped back his third beer and studied him over the bottle. Nate reached for patience and responded. “Weird how?”

“You cut your hair. Chicks dig rocker hair. Now you look normal.”

“Normal is good.”

“I guess. And why do you have that stubble around your mouth? You coulda borrowed my razor.”

Nate took a sip of his beer, wiped the table, and stared at the pretzels in the wooden bowl with trepidation before deciding to forgo them. He rarely succumbed to communal bowls of food. Too many people didn’t wash their hands and as a result spread a crapload of germs. “It’s a goatee. I’m growing it out on purpose.”

His brother blanched. “You’re not getting girly on me, are you, dude? Metrosexual or some stuff like that?”

“No. Just changing up my look before my mixer.”

“Okay. Going to the gym is cool, though. You do weights?”

He avoided his brother’s gaze. “Yep.” No. I danced around like a girl to reveal my inner goddess. So humiliating.

“Good, gyms are great to hit up women. Any prospects yet?”

“Soon.”

The waitress came back to the table. “Another round?”

Connor reached out and placed a hand on the curve of her denim-clad hip. “Absolutely, darlin’, keep them coming. But make sure you come check on us often. I haven’t seen such a beautiful face in a long time. You inspire me to be a better man.”

Huh? That didn’t even make sense. Wasn’t that from Jerry Maguire or some chick flick? Nate waited for the scowl or her disgusted expression from such a lame line. Instead, she beamed and winked. “Part of my job, honey. Make sure you keep the tips coming, too.”

Connor laughed and leaned back in his chair. “Saucy one. May have to ask her out.”

Irritation hit. How the hell did his brother get away with this crap? Nate would’ve had a black eye and a pending harassment lawsuit by now. Kennedy would’ve killed him for such an approach. Was it just the bars? Maybe a different level of social interaction was expected at these establishments?

He decided to ask. “Hey, have you ever had a woman turn you down?”

His brother snorted. “’Course not. I keep telling you, Ned—ugh, Nate—just compliment their physical beauty and be direct. Women hate flowery shit, pussyfooting around, and a man who’s afraid to make a move. Got it?”

No. “Yeah, got it.”

Jerry clinked his bottle against Connor’s. “Nice to see you here, Ned. Taking a break from rockets to slum with your brother?”

Connor punched his arm. “Call him Nate.”

“Oh. K. Hey, I heard you put in the application for the supervisor position. What’s that about?”

Connor shrugged. “I got the time in, know the jobs, and handle the men well. Why not?”

Jerry’s brown eyes were shot with red. His laugh was a little slurred, and Nate couldn’t say he cared for the guy, but he’d been Connor’s friend and coworker for years. “Not for nothing, but Ed’s going for the position. Might as well pull out now.”

His brother stiffened. An expression of disappointment flickered over his face and was quickly replaced with something else. Something that made Nate suck in his breath.

Self-loathing.

“Oh, didn’t know Ed wanted it. Maybe I should pull out.”

Jerry slapped him on the back. “Yeah, he got that wrapped like a Christmas present, buddy. The foreman loves him, and he’s got a college education in management. No need to waste your time.”

“Why is it a waste of time?” Nate asked. “Connor has just as good a shot as Ed.”

His brother studied his beer bottle. “Nah, Jerry’s right. No need putting myself through the bullshit when it’s already decided. Probably a lot of extra hours and responsibility. Who needs it?”

“Absolutely,” Jerry agreed. “Did you snap up that pretty little thing already, Con? When are you going to learn to share and not hog all the women?”

“Part of my charm,” Connor joked halfheartedly before lapsing into silence and nursing his beer. Nate sensed a shift of energy, a darkness that settled over him like a pissed-off spirit intent on a haunting. Funny, his brother always acted like he enjoyed his low-maintenance life. Refused to go for his degree at home, laughing as he gave his usual reasoning that there was only one brain in the family. When the hell had they become embroiled in stereotypes? It had been going on for so long that it was second nature—he even remembered his mother stating repeatedly that he had the brains and his brother the looks. Who was she to judge them? She’d left to pursue her own life and knew shit about them.

It seemed like all of Connor’s confidence was directed only toward scoring with women. Maybe Nate could help turn it around. He spoke up. “Promise me you’ll keep your application in for supervisor anyway. Forget about the competition.”

His brother snorted. “Why bother? Don’t worry about it.”

“I’m serious. I’ve seen you on the site. You know how to relate well to the crew, you know scheduling, and you’re smart.”

His gaze swung around. A flicker of resentment shot at him. “No, I’m not. And I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”

“You think you can handle it, don’t you?” Nate challenged, not willing to let up yet.

“Yeah. But Ed likes to wear those fancy suits and meet with the managers afterward. He’s in the club. Got a degree. Talks smart like you. I’m not in his league, man.”

Time for the big guns. “Con. Do me a solid.”

His brother gasped. “No fucking way. You can’t use a solid for that!”

“Yes, I can, there’s no rules to it. Now you have to do it.”

“That’s like a pinky promise for girls! We did that years ago—you can’t hold me to a solid.”

Nate grinned. “I can and I just did. Do it or I’ll call you a pussy for the rest of your life.”

Connor glared. “This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”

Nate drained his beer. “Whatever. You want to pretend you’re not scared to go after a big-time job, go ahead. Pussy.”

“Fuck! Fine, I’ll keep in for it. But no more solids after this one. I call the game completely off.”

Nate bit back a satisfied chuckle. Got him. They’d been addicted to the Cartoon Network show Regular Show for years, and knew every episode by heart. When one of the characters on the show tells the other one to do him a solid, it was the ultimate dare. If you didn’t take the challenge, you were termed “pussy” for the rest of your natural life.

He still remembered when his brother got him to drive around the block stark naked to prove no one paid attention on the road. Yeah. He’d proven his brother wrong on that, especially when the police came to the door from a 911 call tracking his plate.

Bastard.

His brother was pissed, but Nate could live with it.

He relaxed and drank his beer.