Seeker

13. Confrontation

It isn't often that someone truly surprises me, but Hunter did this morning. First he surprised me with that ridiculous report to the council and then by running off like a scared rabbit after I kissed him. I don't understand him at all. I know he wants me, too-all week he's been looking at me like a lovesick puppy, whether he realized it or not. Did he run just because he's a Seeker and I'm the one being investigated? Granted, I'm sure there are protocols in place; I'm sure it would be frowned upon. But according to whom? The stupid council! I don't acknowledge their dominion over me, so why should they stop me from having Hunter? And I absolutely want to have him. He's so compelling, such a portrait of contrasts. He looks young, but acts much older. There's a world-weary air about him, as if he's seen it all and hasn't been able to forget enough of it. And theres that intriguing scar on his neck, almost like a burn. I want to know the story behind it.

He seems reserved, but he's funny, passionate about what he believes in, a worthy adversary, and an equal. He has deep, smouldering sensuality behind his eyes. I want to see those embers ignite. The one problem is his devotion to the council-was I just imagining it, or is that devotion wavering? Given his age, he can't have been a Seeker long. I'm sure it's not too late to show him what the council really is, how insidious they are, how poisonous. In my family alone they've stripped three women of their powers-and that's just within the last fifty years. They're threatened by anyone and anything, and they retaliate far out of proportion. If Hunter understood that, he wouldn't want any part of it.

Hunter. He'll be back. He's not the type to leave unfinished business. I want him in a way I haven't wanted a man before. I want him in my bed, in my life, in my magick. Think of it-two strong blood witches, accumulation so much pure, beautiful knowledge. And using it, only occasionally, to strike down those who have wronged us.

— J.C.

The next morning, after our last breakfast at the B and B, Da and I pulled up to Justine’s stone cottage. Our bags were packed and in the boot of the car; by this afternoon Da and I would be back at his cabin, getting ready to leave for the States. I felt a strong sense of reluctance, and the true name I’d memorized seemed to burn in my mind.

This would probably be the last time I would ever see Justine Courceau. Which was fine. But I had to clear up the matter of the kiss, and more importantly, I had to witness her destroying the list of true names. Which meant first I had to convince her to do it. I had never met a witch who so openly defied the council—even Ciaran MacEwan, evil though he was, acknowledged that the council had legitimate power.

“Right, then, show time,” I said, starting to open my door.

“Hunter,” said my father, and I turned to look at him. “Good luck.”

Encouragement from a father. I smiled. “Ta.” We got out of the car.

Justine greeted my knock and gave us an easy smile. If she was upset about our kiss yesterday, she didn’t show it. Today she wore a deep red sweater that made her look vital and curvaceous. I tried not to think about it.

“Bonjour,” she said, letting us in. “I just poured myself some coffee. Would you care for some?”

We both agreed, and she left us in the lounge. On the floor in front of the fireplace was a large wooden crate that had been crowbarred open. I looked inside shamelessly: it was full of leather-bound books, beat-up journals, even some preserved periodicals. All about Wicca, the craft, the Seven Clans. Additions to her library.

“I see you’re examining my latest shipment,” Justine said cheerfully, handing us each our coffee. It was scented with cinnamon, but other than that I detected no magickal addition, no spell laid on it. I took a sip.

“Yes,” I said, tasting the coffee’s warm richness. “Are these about anything in particular or just general witchiana?”

She laughed her musical laugh. “Most of these are about stone magick, crystals, gems, that kind of thing. For the gem section downstairs.”

“I was hoping to go downstairs again,” my father said.

“Certainly,” Justine said graciously. She walked Da down the hall, opened the door leading down to the library, and turned on the light. “Call if you need anything.”

She came back into the lounge with an almost predatory expression on her face. “At last we’re alone,” she said, smiling at the cliché.

“I wanted to talk to you about yesterday,” I said. I hadn’t sat down and now stood before her. I put down my coffee.

“Why did you run?” she asked softly, looking up at me. She stretched out one hand and rested it against my chest. “You must know I want you. And I know that you want me.”

“I’m sorry,” I said. “Yesterday shouldn’t have happened. It isn’t just that I’m a Seeker and I’m investigating you. It’s just—I find you very attractive, and I’ve enjoyed our times together.”

“Me too,” she said, moving closer. I could detect her scent, light and spicy.

“But I’m involved with someone,” I pressed on.

She didn’t move for a moment, then she laughed. “What does that mean?”

“I have a lover.” All right, it was stretching the truth a bit. I almost had a lover. I would have, if I hadn’t been such a git.

Justine’s beautiful brown eyes narrowed as she weighed my words. “Where?”

“Home.”

She turned away from me and walked across the room to stroke one of the cats that lay sleeping on the back of the couch. Then she dismissed my unseen lover with a shrug. “People get together,” she said. “People break up. They move on. Now you’ve met me, and I’ve met you. I want you.” She gazed at me clearly, and if I hadn’t had the tough hide of a Seeker, I would have squirmed. “You and I would be a formidable team. We would be good together—in bed and out of it.”

I shook my head, wanting to run again. I’m terrible at dealing with things like this. “Not a good idea.”

“Tell me why.”

“Because I have a lover. Because I’m still a Seeker and you’re still someone who has an illegal list of true names. I’m here to watch you destroy them before I leave town.”

She stared at me as if I had suddenly grown antlers.

I had decided not to use my secret weapon unless I needed to. Better to have her achieve true understanding. “Justine, I understand your motives for wanting to collect true names. But there’s no reason for any one person to amass that kind of power, that kind of knowledge. Even though I know you’re a good person and a good witch, still, power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely.”

Her lip curled the slightest bit. “I’ve heard that before, of course,” she said softly. “I didn’t believe it then, either. You know, Hunter, I thought you really understood. I thought you were on my side. But you’re still determined to be a council pawn.”

Ignoring her dart, I held out my hands. “I’m on the side of balance. It’s never a good idea to let things get out of balance, and amassing lists of true names will absolutely tip the balance.”

Her face lightened, and she shrugged and looked away. “We’ll simply have to agree to disagree,” she said easily. “It was nice meeting you, though. How far of a drive do you have today?”

I felt that peculiar sensation of tension entering my body, my mind, my voice. It was like a gear shifting. “No, I’m afraid it isn’t that simple,” I said mildly. “I’m afraid I have to insist. It isn’t that I don’t trust you. But what would a malicious witch do with that list? What if it fell into the wrong hands? It would be much better for that knowledge to be disseminated among witches equally, or at least witches who have dedicated themselves honestly to the side of light.”

I could feel her interest cool as if I were watching a fire die down. “I’m sorry,” she said, her voice sounding harder, less seductive. “I just don’t see it that way. So if you’ll just be going, I’ll continue on my life’s work.”

“I need to see you destroy your list,” I said in a steely voice.

Justine looked at me in amazement, then threw back her head and laughed. Not a typical reaction to a Seeker’s demand. Then she caught herself and looked back at me, thoughtful. “I’ll tell you what,” she said. “I’ll destroy my list if you’ll stay here and be my lover.”

Well, that was an offer I didn’t get every day. “I’m sorry,” I said. “But that just isn’t an option.”

She gave me a cool smile. “Then you need to leave now, and neither of us will have gotten what we wanted.”

“The list,” I said.

Her anger flared, as I knew it would eventually. “Look, get the hell out of my house,” she said. “You’re a Seeker for the council, but you’re nothing to me and have no power over me. Get out.”

“Why don’t you see how dangerous it is?” I snapped back in frustration. “Don’t you see how impossibly tempting it is to control something just because you can?”

Something in her eyes flickered, and I thought, Struck a nerve there, didn’t I?

“I’m above that kind of temptation,” she spat.

“No one’s above that kind of temptation,” I almost shouted. “How do you get these true names, Justine? Can you look me in the eye and honestly tell me there’s no dark magick involved?”

A spark ran through Justine’s eyes; she hadn’t known that I knew. Her mouth opened, and she seemed momentarily stunned. Just as quickly as it came, though, she recovered. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said in a low voice. “Whoever told you that, it is a lie.”

“Don’t waste my time, Justine.” I moved closer, raising my voice. “Now destroy the list, or I’ll destroy it for you!”

She flung out her hand unexpectedly, hissing a spell. Instinctively I blocked it. It wasn’t major; the Wiccan equivalent of slamming a door or hanging up on me. But it was enough to make me see that I needed to up the pressure. I cringed; I had been hoping to avoid this. But it was becoming clear that Justine needed a concrete example, right before her eyes, to see a different point of view.

“Nisailtirtha,” I sang softly, looking at her as I traced a sigil in the air. “Nisailtirtha.” I sang her name, feeling it achieve its shape in the air between us. It was a very serious thing, what I was doing. I felt extremely uncomfortable.

Across the room Justine’s eyes opened in horrified shock, and she quickly began to throw up blocking spells. All of which were useless, of course. Because I knew her true name. That was the seductive power of it.

“Nisailtirtha,” I said with gentle regret. “I have you in my power, my absolute power.”

She practically writhed with anger and embarrassment before me, but there was nothing she could do. I came closer to her, close enough to feel her furious, panicked vibrations, close enough to smell oranges and cinnamon and fear. “You see,” I said softly, leaning close to her ear, knowing that I was eight inches taller, sixty pounds heavier: a man. “Now I can make you do anything, anything at all.”

A strangled sound came from her throat, and I knew if she were free, she’d be trying to strangle me. But I held her in place with a single thought. “Do you think that’s a good thing, that I have this power over you because I know your true name? Nisailtirtha? I could make you set fire to your library.”

She sucked in a breath, staring at me as if a devil she didn’t believe in had just materialized in front of her. A thin, stretched moaning sound came from her throat. I hated this kind of threat—of course I would never make her do anything against her will, not even destroy her list. If I did, I would have let power corrupt me. But I was willing to scare her, scare her badly. In my career as a Seeker, I had done much worse.

I said, “Now that I know your name, I could sell it. To the highest bidder. To your enemies. Everyone has enemies, Justine. Even you.”

She looked like she was about to jump out of her skin. “Nisailtirtha, I could make you tell me any secret you’ve ever had.” Tears began to roll down her face, and I knew she was about to implode from frustration and fear. She didn’t know me, not really. I hated this, hated that she was being so stubborn. I went on. “Do you have any secrets, Justine? Anything you don’t want me to know?”

A whimper broke free, and one hand barely clenched. “Now,” I whispered, walking in back of her so she couldn’t see me, “I can make you destroy your list of true names. Or I can release you, and you can choose to destroy it yourself. Which do you think would be better?”

I released the hold on her enough to allow her to speak, and she broke out in sobs. “I’ll destroy it,” she cried. I tried not to think about what it had been like to kiss her.

“I won’t make you promise,” I said, and released her. She collapsed on the couch, as if I had cut her strings. She grabbed one startled cat and held it against her chest as if to make sure I hadn’t made her kill it.

“I won’t make you promise because I know your true name,” I said solemnly. “I have control over you—absolute, unshakable control—for the rest of your life.”

Racking sobs shook her, and if I hadn’t been a Seeker, I would have folded her into my arms.

“That’s the danger of true names,” I said. “That’s the kind of control you have over everything and everyone on your list. Is that good? Are you glad I know your true name? Does it seem neutral, like pure knowledge? Or does it seem a little. . dark?”

“You seem like a complete bastard,” she said, still crying. Her cat was squirming to get away, but Justine held it closely, her tears wetting its fur.

“You know what? I seem like a complete bastard because I know your true name.”

She had nothing to say to that.