Seeking Her

11

MAYBE MY MIND had always been made up, but when I followed Kelsey to some kind of rave at one of Budapest’s famed thermal baths the following night, I knew I wouldn’t be able to stay away from her.

She wore this intricate black swimsuit that wrapped around her body, accentuating the slim circle of her waist before it tied onto her bikini bottoms at the hip.

She was stunning.

There was a lot to look at. Plenty of beautiful, barely covered women. Roman-­style columns. Colored lights. Live music. Sideshow acts like fire breathers and a trapeze artist.

Still, I only watched her.

She was there with some girl she’d met in the hostel. They’d gone out to a bar crawl together the night before, and I kept my distance. Kelsey had seemed reserved. When she went home alone, an ugly knot of tension in my chest had unwound. And if her going home alone made me relieved, the thought of her with someone else burned my blood.

So when I saw her talking to a guy in the thermal baths, I didn’t hesitate. I started making my way toward her. Her hand was on his shoulder, and even that drove me crazy.

She saw me, and then practically fell all over herself to put her back to me in the hopes that I wouldn’t see her.

She wasn’t going to get away from me that easily.

The girl from the hostel pulled her aside and then stared openly at me.

Did that mean she knew who I was? Did Kelsey say something about me?

The closer I got, the faster my blood pumped. Maybe it was her or maybe it was my secret, but the adrenaline rush was the most powerful one I’d had since I’d been discharged.

When I stood behind Kelsey, her friend was practically gleaming with excitement. I leaned down to her ear. A wisp of her hair tickled at my neck, and I said, “Nice to see you again, Kelsey.”

She turned around, and I relished seeing her off-­balance. More than that, though, her closeness was electrifying.

“How are your cheeks this evening?”

She cleared her throat. “Uh . . . good.”

She just stared at me, like she couldn’t quite believe I was there. I held back a smile. Reaching an arm out to introduce myself to her friend, I made sure to lean in close to Kelsey. Our skin brushed, and she sucked in a breath.

Chuckling, I shook her friend’s hand.

“Hello, I’m Hunt. It’s nice to meet you.”

“I’m Jenny. Likewise. ” She was pretty. She had a similar build to Kelsey’s, but with dark hair and eyes. She could have passed for a local.

“Is that short for Hunter?” Kelsey asked.

I let go of Jenny’s hand and looked down at Kelsey. I still wasn’t quite used to having those brilliant green eyes directed at me. “It’s not.”

She watched my lips long after they stopped moving, and I nearly forgot all about why I wasn’t supposed to kiss her. She made me forget a lot of things.

“So your parents just named you Hunt?”

“Not exactly.”

“God . . . Vague much?”

She was frustrated. Good. That meant I wasn’t alone.

“There you go calling me God again.”

She shot me an exasperated look, and who knew that would turn me on?

Then her guy-­of-­the night moved right next to her, and that cooled my reaction. What if she was more interested in him? Not that she needed to be interested in me when I’d promised myself I wasn’t going to act on it.

If this was going to work, we needed to be friends. Maybe she would travel with a friend. I only had the rest of our stay in Budapest, though, to convince her, because I couldn’t accidentally run into her in whatever city she visited next, not without arousing her suspicion.

I glanced at the guy at her elbow and then the rest of the group she was with. “I didn’t realize you were here with others.”

Lie.

“You scared of a little competition?”

I laughed in lieu of an answer and was glad when she didn’t even glance at the guy trying unsuccessfully to get her attention.

“What about your other friends?” I asked. “The ones from the other night?”

She shrugged. “We weren’t really friends. But this is Jenny.” She pulled the other girl closer. Was that nervousness that I detected? That was new.

“Yes. We met. A few seconds ago.”

She blanched, and I enjoyed it entirely too much.

“Right. We’re staying in the same hostel.”

She jumped slightly, and I realized that the guy had touched her back. It was irrational and inappropriate, but I wanted to break his arms and use them as chopsticks. “Because we’re sisters. And it makes sense for sisters to stay in the same place.”

I raised an eyebrow. Sisters? Kelsey didn’t need to try that hard to get a guy’s interest. Hell, she’d had my interest when I didn’t even really like her.

Jenny clapped her hands together. “Oookay, I believe it’s time for drinks. I know I could use one . . . Kelsey?”

Kelsey looked at Jenny like she was the Second Coming. But then she looked at me, and she hesitated.

What did that mean?

Was it so obvious that I didn’t drink?

She let out a slow breath.

“One drink,” she told Jenny.

She moved closer toward me, and I knew by the look on the dude’s face the second she passed out of his reach. Barely an inch separated her bare skin from mine, and I was buzzing with it.

“Come with me?” she asked.

There was a roar in my ears that shifted and settled in my chest. Despite my friendship plan, I liked it very much when she looked at me like that, her bottom lip caught between her teeth.

“I would have thought you had enough to drink the other night.”

She frowned, and there I was, being an asshole again. I kept forgetting that she wasn’t as familiar with me as I was with her.

“It’s just one drink. My first of the night. Come have a little fun.”

I hesitated. It had been so much harder to be close to her and alcohol at the same time. Like the temptation was magnified. If I kissed her, I could taste both of the things I’d forbidden myself to have.

She said, “Or I can just catch up with you later.”

She leaned away, and I got over my hesitation pretty quickly. Temptation, be damned. I gripped her waist and pulled her back to me.

“Okay, let’s go.”

I stifled my thoughts of concern and told myself that I could handle it.

Her. The alcohol. All of it.

“Your new friend seems a little reluctant to leave you.”

She looked ahead of us to where the other guy had now joined the group around her friend Jenny.

“He’ll get over it. We literally met like two minutes ago.”

“I know. I saw you when you came in.”

Her head snapped toward me, and her expression was worth admitting that I’d been watching her.

“I really enjoyed that little spin move you did while you were trying to hide.”

“I wasn’t hiding. I just . . .”

She floundered, trying to come up with something, and it was so damn adorable.

“Okay.” She rolled her eyes. “So I was hiding. It’s not every day I make a fool of myself. I wasn’t exactly excited about rehashing that.”

“It wasn’t that bad.”

I didn’t know why it was so much fun to rile her up. Call it payback for her unknowingly torturing me for weeks. Or maybe it was the fire in her eyes.

“What are you doing here?” she asked.

I raised my eyebrows in response.

“It’s a room full of women in bikinis. What do you think I’m doing here?”

Her lips twisted into something resembling a pout.

“I meant what are you doing here? With me.”

We reached the stairs leading out of the pool. She stepped up and out of the water, and seeing her slick skin, her suit clinging tight to her curves, was nearly the death of me. I was turned on, and there was no way she didn’t know it.

Her nipples showed through the fabric of her swimsuit, and I wasn’t sure whether that was from the cooler air or from me, but I knew which one I wanted it to be.

My throat was scratchy with desire as I asked, “What was the question?”

“I asked what you were doing here with me.”

I sensed her nervousness again, and it went straight to my head.

“Oh, you mean you asked a stupid question?”

She frowned. “You still haven’t answered it.”

“Yes, well.” I reached out one finger, trailing through the drops of water collecting along her collarbone. “You make it hard to think straight.”

Her eyes lit up, and she pulled me after her. “Come on, soldier. You can finish staring at me at the bar. I promise I’m not going to disappear.”

I took a deep breath and forced myself to look away from the curve of her ass.

“Stupid. So incredibly stupid,” I mumbled to myself.

She led me to one of three bars that had been set up inside the domed thermal-­bath building. The rest of her group had gone ahead of us and had already claimed a section of barstools. I gladly took a seat on one as soon as we were close enough.

Kelsey leaned over the bar, and I was exceptionally glad that I was sitting down.

“Gin bitter lemon,” she told the bartender. Then she looked back at me. “What do you want?”

“Nothing. I’m good.”

I took a deep breath. I had to stay good.

She rolled her eyes and said, “Make that two gin bitter lemons.”

I swallowed. This was a bad idea. I should get up and leave now, make some excuse. But that swimsuit . . . Heaven help me, but I am a weak man.

I dipped two fingers under the strap at her hips and pulled her back toward me. She fit perfectly between my knees. Resting her elbows on my thighs, she leaned back into my chest, and I barely resisted planting my lips on her neck.

I could flirt with her without taking it too far. I wasn’t in high school anymore. I had some control.

Needing to ease some tension, I said, “Whatever happens tonight—­”

“Yes?”

“Don’t throw up in the pool.”

She pulled away from me, half scowling, half smiling. And even though my body ached at the loss of contact, I knew it was for the best.

I laughed, trying not to betray the tension that was plaguing me.

“Just for that, funny guy . . . you’re buying.”

When the drinks came, I did as ordered and rose to pay. She stole my stool while I did, and when the bartender handed over the drinks, it all felt too familiar.

I handed her a glass, and then began the worst battle with temptation so far. It was there in my hand, only inches away from my lips. And it would be so simple to let it happen. The memory of it was still trapped in my muscles, and I could feel them straining to lift the glass to my lips.

“So, Hunt. Where are you from?”

Distraction. Yes. Perfect.

“Where am I not from would be the easier question.”

“Military brat?”

I wished. Dad just went where the money was.

Trying to keep things light, I said, “Are you calling me a brat?”

She crossed her legs, and my eyes followed.

“If I were going to call you names, brat would not be my first choice.”

My fingers brushed her ankle. I told myself it was okay because it was distracting me from the drink in my hand. The lesser of two evils.

I said, “What would you call me, then?”

“Well, I’ve already called you soft.” I tried not to groan at the memory of that night. If I’d thought leaving then was hard, tonight was going to be brutal. “But I’m not above admitting when I’m wrong.”

My fingers drifted from her ankle up the back of her calf. She pointed her toe, and her leg bumped up against my hip.

“What brings you to Budapest?” I asked.

Her foot hooked around the back of my leg, her toes tickling the skin behind my knee. She smiled, all too aware of what she was doing to me.

“Nothing in particular. It just seemed like an interesting place.” She used that foot to pull me forward, and I didn’t resist. “What about you?”

I kept my touch light, even though I wanted to grip her legs and pull them open for me to slide between. “Following a whim,” I answered.

Her tongue darted across her bottom lip, and I was a goner.

She said, “Do you ever get any less cryptic?”

“I thought women liked a mystery.”

Her eyes were hooded, and I couldn’t even bring myself to feel guilty about any of this.

“Women love a mystery. But only if we think we can figure it out. Are you going to let me figure you out, Hunt?”

She couldn’t. Not ever.

I gripped the edge of her stool and leaned down to her ear. Her skin smelled salty and sweet. “That’s a two-­way street, princess.”

And God did I want to figure her out, even though I couldn’t return the favor. Not just her personality or her past. Every part of her. I wanted to know her like the back of my hand.

I was two seconds away from beginning that process, my eyes trained on her collarbone, the first place I wanted to taste. Then Jenny popped up right next to us.

“We’re going back in the bath, you two coming?”

I pulled away. Damn it, I had to keep pulling away. That was too close. I took advantage of Jenny’s distraction to place my drink on the bar, out of range.

Kelsey held up a glass that was still almost full and said, “We’re still working on these. You guys go. Have fun.”

After Jenny left, Kelsey took a sip of her drink, fixing her eyes on me.

It didn’t take Kelsey long to notice the absence of my glass. “You’ve not touched your drink. I know it looks a little girlie, but I swear you’ll like it.”

I sat on the stool next to hers. “I’m okay. Really.”

“Oh, come on.” She jumped off her stool, and leaned her flat stomach against my bare knee. “Try mine.”

I didn’t know where to look. Her face, that glass—­neither was safe.

“I’m fine.”

“You’re so serious. Loosen up a little. Have some fun.”

She took another drink, and her tongue trailed her bottom lip again. The ache rose up in my chest—­for her, for all of it. “Just try it. For me?”

She slid between my knees, and I settled my hands on her waist. To push her away. To pull her close. I didn’t know.

I stared at her lips, imagining the sweetness of her mouth paired with the strong edge of alcohol.

I could stay in control for her.

One drink wouldn’t kill me. And knowing I needed to watch out for her would help me keep it in check.

One drink.

One sip.

Just once.

I said, “If you’ll answer a question for me.”

She tilted her head to the side, and I reached out to trail a thumb along the slant of her neck.

“Deal.” She smiled.

She took one more drink, and then slid the glass into my hand.

It seemed tiny. It was maybe half full. Nothing that would do me any harm. I looked back at her smile. Quickly, I pulled the glass up and took a short sip before holding it out to her. She gave me a look. I could have brushed it off. But really, the drink hadn’t been that strong. Like lemonade, but a bit more sour.

I brought the glass up and took a longer drink this time. When I gave it back, there was nothing but ice left.

She smiled, her lips close to mine.

“My turn,” I said. “The other night . . . what did you mean when you said you were tired of being?”

She froze. Maybe I was pushing too far, but I needed a change of subject. I needed to know something of worth because the guilt was already crawling across my skin. And a voice at the back of my mind was asking again and again, What have you done?

She said, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

She looked away, but I used a finger on her jaw to bring her eyes back to mine. “It’s just . . . I look at you, and I see a beautiful woman in the prime of her life, traveling to exotic places, with the world at her fingertips. But I think that’s just what you want ­people to see. And maybe I love a mystery too, because I can’t seem to make myself stop thinking about what’s underneath all that, what you don’t let ­people see.”

I brought my other hand up, cradling her face. Concentrating on her instead of the monumental mistake I’d just made, instead of everything I’d just thrown away.

It didn’t work. She pushed my hands off and pulled out of my reach.

“I told you . . . I don’t know what you’re talking about. I was wasted. You shouldn’t take one person’s drunk ramblings as truth.”

She turned away, picked up my abandoned drink, and gulped half of it down in one pull. I was relieved. If she drank that, one less thing to tempt me.

“I don’t believe you,” I said. “I think it was the most honest thing you’ve said to me. Maybe to yourself, too.”

She stayed facing away from me as she said, “Again with the knight-­in-­shining armor bullshit. I don’t need you to take care of me. You don’t know anything about me. So whatever you think you’re doing, whatever you’re trying to fix in me, you can fuck off.”

She took another big gulp, and I noticed her hands were shaking. All week, I’d been thinking about whether or not she was going to crash again, and now I might be the one pushing her to it.

“Hey, I’m sorry. Don’t be upset.”

I stood behind her, my hands hovering above her shoulders.

“I’m not upset.”

She threw back the rest of the drink, and then slammed it down on the bar. Immediately, she raised her hand to try to get the bartender’s attention.

I stopped hesitating and grabbed her hand. I pressed it down against the bar and leaned my lips down to her ear. Softly, I said, “Kelsey, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed. But don’t drink because you’re mad at me.”

Don’t drink because I’m mad at me and took it out on you.

I’d already fucked-­up enough tonight for the both of us.

She turned her head toward me, but kept her eyes on the bartender.

“Apology accepted. And I’m drinking because I want to.”

“Just talk to me for a second.”

She ignored me, raising her other hand and calling out.

I spun her around by her elbow and trapped her between my arms and the bar. My guilt fizzled as the feel of her body against mine took precedence in my head.

“What the hell is your problem?”

“I just needed to talk to you for a second.”

“So you manhandle me like a caveman? Jesus!”

This was going so completely wrong. All because I touched that damn drink. I smiled, willing her to understand that I didn’t mean any harm.

“I just wanted to apologize.”

“You already did that.”

“I know. But I really am sorry.”

So goddamn sorry.

“I don’t think you are. There’s this pattern that keeps cropping up, where you judge me when you have no right to do so. And when you’re not judging me, you’re prying into my life.”

“I’m not judging you. I promise. And the rest? That’s just the soldier in me . . . I’m too straightforward. If I want to know something, I just ask. If I want to do something, I do it.”

Even when it is really, really stupid.

“Yeah, subtlety is definitely not your strong suit.”

I smiled, because she wasn’t struggling against me anymore. “No. It definitely isn’t.”

Neither, apparently, was control. She’d been fascinating from afar, but having met her, I decided consuming was the better word.

“Well, then. If you’ll let me go, I think I’m going to go find Jenny and the others. Since I’m not allowed to order another drink and—­”

I’d already indulged one desire tonight, about which I would feel immensely guilty in the morning. Why not make it two?

I lifted my hands up from the bar to grasp her jaw. Then I set out to discover exactly what her lips tasted like.