Shadow of a Hero

AUGUST 1990

THEY WOKE IN the dewy dawn, tried to stretch away their aches and stiffness, and took their turns at the improvised latrines, leaving the coach-loos for the elderly. When they started to cook their breakfasts from the store-truck the soldiers who had been left to keep an eye on them gathered hungrily round. Some of them wanted to try out their English, but mostly they were interested in Western food. They thought the instant coffee was terrific compared to what they could get in Romania. They liked peanut butter, but not Marmite.

‘It’s funny,’ said someone as she delicately spread her bread. ‘You have to be English to like Marmite. I know I couldn’t live without it.’

‘So you English now?’ said the soldier who was standing by, wolfing his third peanut-butter sandwich. ‘You say before you Varinish.’

‘We’re both,’ they all said.

‘What you want here?’ said the soldier, pointing towards the horizon. ‘Nothing is for you in these mountains, no motor car for all people, no oil-well, no swim-pool. What you do here?’

Several voices answered. ‘We’re going home.’ ‘That’s where we belong.’ ‘We want to see what Varina is like.’

‘Varina no place,’ he said patronizingly, and drew a map with his finger in the air. ‘Romania here. Yugoslavia here. Hungaria here. Where now Varina?’

‘There!’ they shouted, flinging out their arms towards the mountains.

He shrugged and held out his mug for more coffee.

They had tidied up the campsite as best they could and it was already getting too hot for comfort when permission came through for them to move on. The officer who brought it didn’t bother to hide the fact that he thought they shouldn’t be there at all, and insisted on escorting them the whole way to Potok. Two hours after they set off there was another delay at a proper check-point manned by soldiers, where for a few horrible minutes it looked as if their escort and the check-point commander were going to agree to turn them back. Mollie gave a sigh of relief as she settled into her seat and the coach moved on.

‘They were trying to tell us Potok was full up,’ she said, ‘and there wasn’t any more room.’

‘Was that the border, do you think?’ said Nigel. ‘Will there be an actual sign saying Varina?’

‘If there’s a sign it will say Cerna-Potok,’ said Steff. ‘There is no such place as Varina on Romanian maps.’

‘Look, there’s a flag!’ said Mollie.

It hung at an upstairs window, and they all cheered it, and the next, and the next, but soon they gave up because there were too many to cheer. By then they’d begun to see another sign that they must truly be in Varina now. Letta had more uncertain feelings about this one. Almost every blank surface – the walls of barns, the buttresses of bridges, crags by the wayside as the road snaked up into the mountains – carried the same three letters, as huge as the space would allow, sometimes carefully lettered, sometimes daubed fiercely on in seven slashes of paint:

VAX

‘I hope they know which one they mean,’ said Nigel.

‘They mean both,’ said Minna, twisting round from the seat in front of them. ‘They are the same. For us he has never died.’

Like Momma, about a third of the women in the coach were called Minna. This one was forty at least. Her hair had a lot of grey in it and her clothes were as shapeless as her body, and Letta had decided she was rather sad, but now her eyes were wet and glittered behind the tears, so that she looked almost a little crazy. Her expression crystallized Letta’s feelings of unease. Letta knew and loved Grandad and admired him no end. She was sure there wasn’t anyone else in the whole world quite like him. She was glad that other people could feel that, too. But she also knew that he was an old man, who even when he was feeling fully well got tired quite soon. That he was coming to open the festival was lovely, happy-making for everyone. They would see and hear him, and he would be in his own country again after all these years, and they’d all be glad for each other’s sake as well as their own, and so on.

But really there wasn’t anything much he could do.

One old man can’t change everything, but here was Minna looking as if she expected Grandad to take hold of Varina, to pick up the three pieces of it between his hands and mould them gently into a single piece and put them down again in their place, one country now, never to be taken apart again. And Minna herself would happily die if that would help him do it. No, Letta thought. I’m thirteen and you’re forty, but I know it’s a fairy story and you don’t.

At first the road climbed steadily along a mountain flank. The surface was good and the curves gentle, so the convoy sped along. Then they turned off up a narrower, steeper road, with huge pot holes unmended since last winter. An endless ladder of hairpins took them grindingly up and up and over a ridge which was a huge spur of the great Carpathian chain. The pass was bleak and barren, between snow-capped peaks. Beyond it the road swooped down towards a wide valley, with a fair-sized river wriggling along the bottom.

Letta’s ears popped and popped again as they took the downward hairpins. The road levelled and swung round a shoulder, and there, far below them, lay a town, a jumble of red ridged tiles, the domes of small whitewashed churches, larger domes on one big church, a ruined something on the hillside beyond with a mass of tents alongside it. She counted the five bridges and knew it must be Potok. The big church must be the Cathedral of St Joseph, and the ruin was the old monastery of St Valia.

Everyone was pointing and chattering. Potok vanished and came again several times as the road wound its way down. And then they were there. The town seemed to have no outlying bits. At one moment the coaches were passing scrubby precipitous hillsides, with here and there a tiny stone-walled field or a terraced vineyard, and the next they were in a street of battered old houses, all plastered the same blotchy orange-yellow, with shuttered windows and heavy crooked doors which hadn’t been painted for years, and wide overhanging eaves like hat brims. It was so narrow that in places, if the coach windows had opened, you could have reached out and touched the walls on both sides.

The street was crowded with pedestrians, who all stopped what they were doing to cheer the coaches as they churned slowly through. Two women in black, with lined weather-beaten old faces, climbed through the open door and came down the aisle, handing out nosegays of rosemary and bay and marjoram tied with ribbon in the national colours. They didn’t want any money. When they got down some of the travellers did so too.

‘Let’s walk for a bit,’ said Nigel. ‘Is that OK, Mum? We won’t get lost.’

Mollie looked at Steff. She usually left family decisions to him.

‘Don’t see why not,’ he said. ‘Difficult to get lost in a place this size. If in doubt ask for the University, and when you’re there, look for the British contingent.’

So Nigel and Letta jumped down and waited while the coach took the stench of its exhaust slowly away, and then followed up the street. It was slow going, as every few yards somebody would stop them and ask where they were from. Letta realized they must be obviously not native Varinians with their Marks & Spencer clothes and their pale northern skins. It had been a terrific summer back home, but their tans still looked washy beside those of the people who lived all the time under these southern skies.

‘Where are you from?’ they were asked, time and again, and when they answered, ‘England,’ the next question, almost always, was, ‘Has Restaur Vax come with you?’

‘Not with us,’ Letta told them. ‘We came out on a coach, but he’s a bit old for that, so he’s flying to Bucharest. He’s supposed to be here tomorrow.’

Next, people wanted to know about England, and to try out the English they’d learnt in school, and just be friendly. They didn’t seem to find it odd, either, that Letta could rattle away in Field or that Nigel couldn’t, but there was something about their smiles which gave Letta a feeling that they thought the way she spoke was a bit peculiar. Or perhaps they were simply amused by her eagerness and excitement, which she certainly felt. Being in a country where everybody spoke Field, as the normal thing, was wonderful. She felt like a bird released into the air.

Nigel was tugging at her sleeve. She looked ahead. The coaches were out of sight.

‘Come on,’ he said. ‘I don’t want Mum worrying.’

(Typical Nigel. He was the worrier, not Mollie.)

So they hurried as best they could, until they found the road blocked almost from side to side by a scrum of people milling round a centre where a man was being hoisted into the air, amid cheers which mingled with hoots and laughter as he was dropped and then hoisted again, to sit on his bearers’ shoulders, waving both arms overhead in triumphant greeting.

‘Hey! It’s Uncle Van!’ said Nigel.

It was, too. He’d had his back to them, but the churn of the crowd turned him until Letta could see her brother’s long, normally moody face, now smiling and excited.

‘What’s he think he’s doing?’ said Nigel. ‘This isn’t The Prisoner of Zenda. Bet you he’s told them who his grandad is.’

Letta found Van interesting, and thought she might have liked him if she’d known him better, but Nigel, naturally enough, had picked up Steff’s attitude. And certainly Van didn’t just look like the star of some old sword-play romance. He seemed to feel like that too, the True Heir come back to his oppressed people. They’d be storming the castle next, while he held twenty men-at-arms at bay on the stairway to the young queen’s bedroom.

‘Who do they cheer?’ said a woman crushed against the wall beside her.

‘His name’s Van Ozolins,’ said Letta. ‘He’s just come on the coach from Scotland.’

‘Scotland?’ said the woman, impressed. ‘Still he is one of us. He has the face of our men.’

Letta knew what she was talking about. She’d already seen dozens of versions of it on the streets of Potok. Grandad had it, too. He used to joke about it and quote a poem by the other Restaur Vax about Varinian men which started off, ‘Combative, wiry, hound-faced, crazed with honour . . .’ Yes, that was Van all right.

They broke through at last and jostled on up the street. When Letta asked for the University, the woman she’d chosen insisted on guiding them all the way.

The University had one lovely old building, stone as yellow as honey, with a pillared front and three red-tiled domes. Bishop Pango had built it, their guide said, but everything else had been pulled down by the Communists and rebuilt with modern blocks. These were like grimy vast shoe-boxes set on end. Despite their size they were depressingly mean and dingy.

The coaches had unloaded and Mollie was sorting things out. The British contingent had been promised a hundred and ninety beds, and there were fewer than half that for them, but from what the earlier visitors had told her she’d guessed something like this might happen, so now it was a matter of putting the contingency plans into action, seeing that the elderly got first pick, and the families with small children had what they needed and so on. In theory her principal helpers knew what to do, though of course there were some of them who were ditherers or botherers and kept running back with problems for her to sort out, which she did, coolly, never looking irritated or blaming anyone. (A rumour went round the party that evening that one of the local Varinians had watched Mollie in action for a bit and then turned and asked – seriously, according to the story – ‘This is your Mrs Thatcher, then?’ For the rest of the trip everyone, including the local Varinians, called Mollie ‘Maggie’, which as a passionate Liberal Democrat she found trying. That was later, of course.)

It was obviously going to take hours to get it all sorted out, so Letta decided the best thing she could do to help was to take charge of Donna, who was tired enough by now to be sleepy, but too cross to sleep. She read her Asterix and the Goths for the umpteenth time until she dropped off, and then she put her in the push-chair and found her way round to the official campsite, which was on the other side of the river, spread out along the hillside below the ruined monastery. Letta had arranged to share a tent with a girl from her coach, a couple of years younger than herself, called Janine, who had a Varinian mother and a Welsh father, and a tiny baby brother, who was why Janine was delighted to have Letta to share with. Steff was going to come and put their tent up for them, but he was still helping Mollie, so Letta found herself a narrow patch of shade beneath an old wall and settled down to wait.

She felt dreamy, dazed, but not sleepy, though she should have been exhausted after the long journey, and the hold-ups, and the night on the hard ground. Her whole body brimmed with happiness. The wall was part of the ruins, and the sun must just have left it, so that the old stones still breathed out warmth in a caressing, welcoming waft. People moved between the mass of tents, calling and laughing. There were transistors going, and what sounded like live music, twangy ethno-rock, down by the river, which she could sometimes hear muttering over its boulders, though it was shallow and skimpy now. She guessed it must be a real torrent during the snow-melt.

Over to her right lay the town, all tiles and domes, with a few harsh concrete towers as a reminder of what the Communists had done. From there, too, came a steady muttering, almost too faint to be heard except when some of the thousands of voices that made it burst into cheering or laughter. The smells of the south floated on the hot and golden air, sun-baked dust, dung that dried before it could rot, wild aromatic bushes on the slopes. The whole steep valley purred with her contentment.

Two boys, fifteenish, came by on the new-worn path below where she sat, walking with that self-conscious swagger boys use when they want to look older than they are. The difference from English boys was that they made a good job of the swagger, despite the fact that they were holding hands. They glanced at Letta, checking her out, then away, either because of Donna or because they thought she was too young for them, and then back with a different look, having registered through some slower mind-channel that she didn’t belong. They stopped.

‘You American, huh?’ said the taller one, in English. He had the hound-face, like Van, and obviously thought he was hot stuff. Mentally Letta named him God’s-gift. The other one was shorter, and anxious about most things, a classic henchman. Hench.

‘No, from England,’ she said, also in English, waiting for a proper long sentence she could use to spring her Field on them.

‘You come in aeroplane, huh?’ said God’s-gift, giving her her chance at once.

‘No, we came in a coach. We were supposed to get here yesterday, but the miners held us up with a road-block at Timisoara and then the army kept us there all night.’

The effect wasn’t quite what she’d wanted.

‘Hi! Who taught you to speak like that? You sound like some real old auntie, used to be a teacher or something.’

‘That’s how we talk at home. My parents left Varina before I was born.’

‘Bet you talk Formal too,’ said Hench. ‘You know, my momma says her poppa tried to make them talk Formal on Sundays.’

‘Can’t see the use,’ said God’s-gift. ‘Bloody “leave”.’

‘My grandad says they used to call it the pig-verb,’ said Letta.

‘Use is, teachers got to have something to teach,’ said Hench. He was brighter than he looked, thought Letta.

‘Pig-verb is right,’ said God’s-gift, not apparently noticing that Hench had come up with a genuine thought. ‘Hey! You got any tapes? Genesis? Sting? Bon Jovi?’

Angel was a Genesis fan, as it happened, and had coaxed Letta into going along when her father had given up an evening’s bowls to take her to a concert in Southampton the summer before. Letta wasn’t a fan of anyone – didn’t in her heart of hearts much care for music – but she felt she’d better take a bit of interest so as not to feel left out, and she’d enjoyed the Genesis concert much more than she’d expected, not the music itself, but the sense of being carried along on a tide of excitement – nothing like as fake as she’d expected – and looking at the weird clothes the fans wore – all that.

It really paid off now. They squatted on the grass beside her. Even God’s-gift was impressed as she told them about it. Soon he was wanting to know where she was staying, and whether she had to look after Donna the whole time, and then how many cars her family had and how big their swimming-pool was. No swimming-pool! They were astounded. Two cars, and eight separate rooms in the house, and Genesis concerts just down the road, but no swimming-pool. It didn’t make sense. Everybody in the West had a swimming-pool. They knew that because they’d seen it on Dallas and Dynasty – old, old episodes, from what they told her about the plots.

She put them off about meeting again, saying she was in a group and she didn’t know what they’d be doing, and yes she expected she’d have to look after Donna most of the time (liar – Steff loved doing that). God’s-gift actually seemed disappointed. An English girl who’d been to a live Genesis concert would be something to boast about, even if she wasn’t startlingly beautiful and a bit young and hadn’t got a swimming-pool. Then somebody whistled from down the slope, friends of the pair, and they got up. God’s-gift had one last try.

‘Know what you’re doing this evening?’

‘We’re all going to a folk concert, I think.’

‘That old stuff! Twangle ping, twingle pung, my goat is dead. Can’t stand it. Have fun, though. See you.’

They machoed away, holding hands again, to join their friends. Letta thanked her stars that Nigel hadn’t been there. He’d have felt challenged to out-macho God’s-gift, and that would have been really embarrassing. And at least it had been a change to talk to someone who didn’t want to know if Restaur Vax was coming.