Shards of Alderaan

5

Jaina stared pensively at the wide, greenish-brown river that flowed past the Great Temple. Her boots sank into the soft, dark mud of the riverbank. In his defeat and despair at the end of the battle with the Shadow Academy, Zekk had covered himself with that mud, as if it could hide him from what he had done.

The sunlight that had burned away the earlier mist poured down onto the water and reflected back into the air, drenching the jungle with vibrant greens, blues, purples, and browns. Insects swarmed about, humming, buzzing, reveling in the change of weather.

Jaina wasn’t sure what had drawn her here, but after visiting Zekk’s room for the third time in as many hours, only to find him still asleep, she had decided to take a walk alone, hoping to sort out her thoughts.

She felt something unsettling in the atmosphere, and she didn’t know what it was—or perhaps she did. Everything seemed different to her somehow. Familiar, yet different. Since the attack by the Second Imperium, the Jedi academy had changed.

Jaina made her way across stepping-stones in the river shallows to a broad, flat rock. Sitting down on it, she dangled the soles of her boots in the warm water, letting the strong current carry away the caked mud.

Why was change so difficult to accept, even when the changes were supposedly for the good? The academy felt different. Her studies felt different. Jedi trainees no longer spent their days in quiet contemplation and individual exercises; they had too much work to do repairing the damage from the recent battle—the conflict of Jedi against Jedi. Though Luke Skywalker’s trainees had won, the Shadow Academy had shown them their vulnerabilities, their weaknesses. Nothing would ever be the same.

Even the Great Temple was different, many of its ancient blocks shattered in the explosion. Under the direction of her uncle Luke, the pyramid would be rebuilt, of course. But it could never be the same again.

Was that bad, though?

After all, the Jedi academy’s greatest outside threat had been vanquished. The Shadow Academy station was gone forever, destroyed in orbit by its own implanted explosive systems. Yet, in an odd way this disturbed Jaina. She had found something comforting in knowing who the enemy was.

Brakiss and the Second Imperium were no longer a threat, and her friend Zekk had come back from the darkness. They could be together again, to face whatever the future held. So why wasn’t she happy?

Jaina wasn’t prepared to handle so many changes at once. Why couldn’t things go back to the way they were? She was certain she still wanted to become a Jedi Knight, but it no longer seemed the only thing to do, the only possible path for her life. It no longer seemed like a simple choice. In fact, life seemed more complicated than ever before.

She leaned down and plucked a few pebbles from the shallow water, then tossed them one by one toward the center of the river. In seconds the strong current erased all ripples, all signs of the pebble’s splash. Jaina bit her lower lip. In the end, was that all the effect her life would have? She wanted to do something significant, not disappear without a trace.

Jaina gazed down into the murky river, but she could see no farther into its depths than she could into the future. She tossed a larger rock this time, making a bigger splash, but with the same short-lived result.

Suddenly, a small flat stone skittered across the surface, bouncing past her as easily as sunlight skipping across the ripples, before disappearing toward the far shore.

Jaina turned and saw a dark-haired young man standing ankle-deep in water at the edge of the river. “Zekk!”

“Is this a private game, or can anyone play?” he asked, giving her a wan smile. He seemed barely able to stand.

“You look …” She paused, at a loss for words. His long hair, a shade lighter than black, contrasted starkly with the pale skin of his face. Purplish smudges beneath his emerald-green eyes made them look sunken and haunted. He looked as if he had not eaten for a week. “Uh, you look …”

“Alive?” Zekk suggested, smiling faintly.

Jaina cocked her head and looked him over, raising her eyebrows. “Well … just barely.”

“I must be a pretty awful sight,” Zekk said. “I actually feel better than I look. By a little bit, at least.”

Jaina chuckled, feeling dizzy and tongue-tied. “Well, that’s a relief.” Somehow, she couldn’t think of what to say to the friend who had once been so close. “Uh, do you need to sit down or anything?” She indicated a spot on the rock beside her.

Zekk shook his head. “I’m a bit shaky after so much time lying in bed, but I feel restless. I thought maybe we could take a walk in the jungle?” He spoke hesitantly, as if afraid she might reject his offer. “Together?”

Jaina slid off the flat stone and sloshed over to where he stood in the shallows. “Well, then,” she said with a grin, “what are we wading for?”

Zekk groaned at the joke. “I think your twin brother is having a bad influence on you.”

Jaina spent the next hour with Zekk. Trudging through the undergrowth, they made their own path. The two of them kept the conversation light, neutral, wandering along the borders of uncharted territories in their friendship. They crossed the river and made their way through the jungle to the ruins of the shield generator station. Mangled equipment and chunks of blasted plasteel still lay everywhere.

“Looks like those commandos did a pretty thorough job,” Zekk said in a quiet voice. Jaina tried to determine if his statement held any pride that the Imperials, ostensibly under his command, had succeeded in their mission. But he sounded only tired and disappointed.

Jaina bit her lower lip. “Not much left here to salvage,” she agreed. “Mom’s sending an all new generator, state-of-the-art. New Republic engineers already cleared a fresh site for it right over there,” she said, pointing toward another clearing just visible through the trees. “She’s even going to station a military guardian force in orbit and upgrade all of our communications equipment. Uncle Luke doesn’t like all these complications, but the Jedi academy will never be caught unguarded again.”

Zekk nodded. “Master Brakiss and I—” His voice broke, but he cleared his throat and began again. “We always thought your defenses here were pitifully weak. It was stupid—naive at best—to leave Yavin 4 so unprotected. We thought it would be Master Skywalker’s downfall.”

Jaina swallowed hard. “It almost was. He was confident in the abilities of his trainees.”

They stood in awkward silence for some moments. Zekk seemed old to Jaina now, much older than his years. Not on the outside, but inside—as if the darkness had stolen his innocence, charred his heart.

“Feels strange,” she said at last, “all these changes around us.”

A dark eyebrow raised above an emerald-green eye. “All these new defenses being added, you mean? In a way, it’s making this place more like the Shadow Academy.”

That wasn’t what she had meant, but Jaina wasn’t sure how to say it. “Zekk, do you remember the time on Coruscant when we slipped out in the middle of the night and went swimming in the fountain in Dhalbreth Square?”

A distant smile curved the corners of his mouth. “And the glowfish we disturbed made so much light that the New Republic security forces came running after us.” He took a deep breath. “Of course I remember.”

“I wish we could be like that again, back in those days, without everything that happened … afterward.” Before he could comment, Jaina rushed on. “Zekk, if you stay here at the Jedi academy, Uncle Luke can teach you the right way to use the Force. We could have adventures together again, you and I—and Jacen and Lowie and Tenel Ka. We’re thinking about going to the Alderaan system to get a gift for my mother’s birthday. A memento of her home from the asteroid field there. You could come with us.”

“I wish I could just go home … ,” Zekk murmured thoughtfully.

“When we get back from Alderaan you could start your training. A fresh start.”

“Jaina—”

“Of course, you might not want to build a new lightsaber at first. It might be too painful. You could wait a couple of years for that. I’m sure Uncle Luke would—”

“Jaina” Zekk’s voice was firm. “Jaina, look at me.” He placed both hands on her shoulders and gave her a gentle shake.

She hadn’t even realized that she’d been avoiding his gaze. Her brandy-brown eyes swung up to lock with his. Beneath his eyes the dark semicircles were like reflections of inner shadows, of hovering guilt.

“I’m not the same person I was when you knew me before, Jaina. I cant be. Not anymore. And you’re not the same person either.”

“But you’re back now,” Jaina objected. “We can start over.” She knew the words were wrong even as she said them.

Sad. His eyes looked so sad…. For her?

“Maybe you can’t understand where I’ve been … or what I’ve been. I’m not an innocent anymore. I’ve known real power and used it. I’ve killed face-to-face and been proud of it. That’s not something I can forget.”

Jaina wanted to look away, but his emerald eyes burned with a truth she couldn’t escape.

“I can’t erase everything and go back to what I was,” Zekk said. His voice dropped to a whisper. “Even if it were possible, I’m not sure I’d do it. I can’t just pretend that nothing’s changed.”

Jaina wasn’t sure she understood, but she nodded anyway.

“You’re right about one thing, though,” Zekk said. “This is a new start. For me, and for all of us. I can’t go back, but I can go forward.”

Jaina felt the threatening sting of tears and blinked them away. “What will you do?” She didn’t want him to leave.

“I don’t know yet, but I can’t stay here. Not at the Jedi academy.”

Zekk’s hands gripped her shoulders so tightly that Jaina wondered if she’d have bruises. The tension between them was almost unbearable. She could sense his inner torment and his need for healing … for understanding.

Jaina swallowed hard. Zekk was different, and she had no advice or wisdom to give that could help him. He would have to find his own path. She offered the one thing she had left to give him. “Wherever you go, whatever you decide to do … I’ll still be your friend, Zekk.”

He loosened his grip on her shoulders and smiled at her. A real smile, with real strength behind it. “I’d like that.” Then a mischievous glint flashed in his eyes. “You know, it’s been a long time since we went for a swim together. Of course, there aren’t any fountains handy, and no glowfish in the river, but …”

Jaina felt a surge of happiness and relief. “Race you to the water,” she said.