She’s Out

Chapter 5

Julia kissed her mother’s soft powdery cheek and then stepped back, holding up the goldfish. ‘I got you a present.’

Mrs Lawson smiled and gently stroked Bates the cat. Well, I’ll have my time cut out watching that Bates doesn’t eat it.’

‘We used to have a fish bowl somewhere, didn’t we? I remember it.’ Julia searched in the kitchen and eventually found it, filled it with water and tipped in the fish. Then she carried it into the drawing room. Her mother was still stroking Bates, sitting in her wheelchair, a cashmere shawl wrapped round her knees. The room was oppressively hot, the gas fire turned on full.

‘So, how are you?’ Julia said as she sat down, peeling off her sweater.

‘Oh, Mrs Dowey takes good care of me and her husband still looks after the garden.’

Julia could think of nothing to say so she got up and looked over a stack of bills placed in a wooden tea-caddy on the sideboard. ‘Are these for me?’

‘Yes, dear. I was going to send them to your accountant as usual but as you’re here...’

They were the usual telephone, gas and electricity bills, Mrs Dowey’s and her husband’s wages, and bills for repairs and maintenance to the house. Julia even paid for the groceries.

‘You know, dear, if this is too much for you...’

Julia turned the wheelchair round to face her. ‘If it was I’d say so. Besides, who else have I got to look after?’

‘I always hope you’ll meet someone nice, marry and settle down. It would be nice to have a grandchild before I die.’

Julia smiled, touching her mother’s wrinkled hand. ‘I am trying, Mother, but you know my job — it’s always taken precedence over my personal life.’

‘You look very well, dear.’ Changing the subject deftly, Mrs Lawson smiled sweetly. Will you be staying tonight?’

‘No, sadly I can’t. I’ve got surgery this evening.’

‘Ah, yes, of course. Perhaps a cup of tea?’

Julia nodded and stood up. She was so tall that the low ceiling felt as if it was pressing on her head. ‘I’ll put the kettle on.’

‘That would be nice, dear, thank you.’

Julia stood at the window and wanted to cry. Everything was exactly as she remembered it, as she had always remembered it. Nothing had changed for years. Only her mother had got older and more frail, softer, her voice light and quavery. Nothing else had changed. It always seemed so strange that her mother never noticed how different she was. Didn’t it show? Couldn’t she tell? ‘I’ll make the tea.’ Julia left the room and Mrs Lawson turned to stare at the solitary goldfish swimming round and round in the empty glass bowl.

‘We should get some green things for the fish, shouldn’t we, Bates? He seems very lonely.’

Bates dozed, Mrs Lawson continued to stare as if hypnotized while the fish went round and round. ‘Poor little soul,’ she whispered.

Angela let herself in, hating the smell that always hung in the air — babies’ vomit and urine. ‘I’m back, Mum,’ she yelled as she dropped her bag.

Mrs Dunn was making a half-hearted attempt to iron, feed the two kids and cook all at once. She was a tired-looking woman: everything about her was tired — her face, her hair, her clothes and, worst of all, her eyes. They seemed devoid of any expression.

‘Where’ve you been?’ It came out as a single sigh, the iron thudding over the drip-dry shirt that always creased.

‘Working.’

Mrs Dunn thumped the iron back on its stand. She pulled more semi-damp clothes from the wooden rail, tossed them into an already laden basket, switched off a steaming kettle and took an empty Mars Bar paper out of her youngest son’s mouth, all in one slow, tired swing.

‘Here’s a tenner for you.’

‘Put it in the tin on the sideboard. Eric’s going crazy — you don’t pay any rent or anything towards the food, we don’t know where you are, when you’re coming in, you treat this place like it was a hotel, you use the phone. There’s been call after call for you.’

‘Who from?’

‘I don’t know, that girl Sherry? John at the ice rink? I’m not your social secretary. Where’ve you been?’

Angela sat down, kicking her heels against the table leg. ‘Ester Freeman gimme a job for a night — just waitressin’.’

Mrs Dunn moved slowly back to the ironing. ‘I’ve told you not to mix with her, she’s no good, she’ll have you on the game next. Eric said he wouldn’t be surprised if you’re not on it anyway.’

‘Eric would know, wouldn’t he? He’s a pest, a dirty-minded, two-faced shit. This is your house and he has no right to ask me to pay rent in it.’

‘He does if he’s paying the bills, love, and he is. And don’t speak about him like that.’

‘He’s not my dad.’

‘No, he isn’t, thank Christ, or we’d have no roof over our heads. Eric’s taken you on.’

Angela snorted, looking around the dank kitchen. ‘Yeah, I’m sure. This is a dump, it always was, and it’s got worse over the years. You should complain to the council — you got every right, you know. There’s empty flats either side, they’re moving everyone else round here. You’d be up for a new place, five kids, no husband.’

Mrs Dunn banged the iron. ‘Now, don’t start. I know you always start like this. Just because you’ve got nothing in your life you got to have a go at me! Well, just stop it or you’re out on your ear.’

Angela sighed. She hated being home — hated everything about it — even more since Eric had taken over as ‘man of the house’. He was half her mother’s age and constantly made moves on Angela, but her mother refused to believe or take any notice of it, fearful that if Eric was confronted he would walk out on her.

‘So, where have you been?’

‘I just told you. You don’t listen to what I say. I went to Aylesbury.’

‘Oh, yes, Ester Freeman.’ Mrs Dunn suddenly sagged into a chair. ‘Don’t go back to working for her, Angela, she’s no good. I just don’t know what to do about you, I really don’t.’

Angela got up and slipped her arms around her mother. ‘Mum, I’ve got a boyfriend, I was sort of working for him in a way. He’s asked me to go and live with him. He’s got a nice house and—’

‘Oh, just stop it, Angela, you make up stories all the time. What man is this now? That copper? It was all in your head and she’s got you back at it, hasn’t she?’

Angela shrieked, ‘No. Why do you always think I’m on the game? I’m not, and I never was. I just used to clean for her!’

Mrs Dunn put her head in her hands. ‘I don’t know what to do with you. You won’t go back to school, you got no qualifications. How you gonna get a job with no qualifications? You tell me that.’

Angela stuck out her lower lip. Since she’d been picked up after the bust at Ester’s, she’d had a string of part-time jobs. Nothing kept her interested for more than a few weeks and the pay was bad in all of them. She’d been a waitress, a barmaid, a clerk, a trainee at two hair salons, part-time sales girl in numerous boutiques and she’d even helped out a few market-stall owners at Camden Lock. But in reality she was just drifting around and she knew it. She didn’t know how to stop it and in a way she had hoped Mike would guide her — but he just fucked her, like everyone else.

‘I dunno what to do, Mum. Nothin’ seems to work out for me.’

Mrs Dunn kissed her daughter. She was such a pretty girl: her thick hair hung in a marvellous Afro spiral cascade and she was a pale tawny colour with big, wide, amber brown eyes. ‘I want you to go and talk to your old teachers, see what they say, maybe get on some government training course. You can’t just live your life wanderin’ from one part-time job to another, you got to have a purpose.’

‘You mean like you?’ Angela said sarcastically, and saw the pain flash across her mother’s face.

‘No, what I don’t want is for you to have a life like mine, I wouldn’t want it for my worst enemy.’

Angela started to cry. She just felt so screwed up, with nothing in the future. She knew Mike didn’t want to see her any more — he hadn’t for a while now. ‘I’ll go and see them tomorrow, okay?’

Mrs Dunn smiled and suddenly all the tiredness evaporated. ‘Just stay away from Ester, that woman’s a bad influence.’

Angela nodded and went upstairs. She packed her bag, stuffing anything that came to hand into it. She’d had enough, she was leaving. She heard Eric come in so she never even said goodbye to her mother — she could hear him shouting and yelling at her in the kitchen.

She had no place to go. She called Mike at home but his wife answered so she put the phone down. She had no place to go but back to the Grange. She knew she shouldn’t have told Mike about the women but she hadn’t thought about the repercussions. She just wanted somewhere to stay until she sorted herself out. Maybe when she told Mike he would help her, find a job for her. Then she’d come back to London.

By the time Dolly returned it was after nine and she was still carrying the white rabbit. Ester was waiting in the hall as she had seen Dolly’s arrival from the bedroom window.

‘Did you have a nice day?’

‘Didn’t you ask Julia? Here, she got the fish, you get the rabbit.’ Dolly threw it at her and walked slowly up the stairs as Connie wandered out of the kitchen.

‘I got some stew on.’

Dolly looked at her. She had cotton wool stuffed up her nose, which was swollen and puffy, both eyes were black and she was crying. ‘What the hell happened to you?’

Connie snivelled and went back into the kitchen just as Kathleen was coming down the stairs. ‘Boyfriend, if you can call him that, whacked her one.’

Kathleen passed Dolly, raising an eyebrow at Ester. ‘Well, who gave you the bunny?’

Dolly washed her face and hands. She heard Julia returning and went downstairs, when the doorbell rang. Ester came hurrying out from the kitchen. ‘I’ll get it. You go on in and sit down and have your dinner, Dolly.’ She swung open the front door to see Angela huddled on the doorstep.

‘What do you want?’ Ester snapped.

‘Oh, please, Ester, I’ve had to leave Mum’s house. It was terrible and I had no other place to go.’

‘Well, you can’t stay here, you can sod off.’

Dolly walked further down into the hall. ‘What’s this?’

‘It’s Angela, she’s come back. I said we don’t want her here.’

‘Well, she can’t go back at this hour. Let her in, we’ve got enough rooms.’

Ester stepped aside and Angela said, ‘Thank you very much, Mrs Rawlins,’ giving Ester a snooty look.

‘There’s some stew on so put your bag in a room and come into the kitchen,’ Dolly said, smiling. She headed into the kitchen.

Ester gave a half smile. There was no way that Dolly could get the two hundred grand back now: it would have gone straight through from her bank into Ester’s overdrawn account.

Julia was already sitting at the table, helping a still tearful Connie serve up the stew. They heard Gloria returning and she banged in from the back yard. She was filthy, and went straight to the sink and ran the taps over her hands. ‘I brought me gear from the house.’

They all concentrated on the food, and the scraping of their knives and forks was accentuated by the silence.

Dolly cleared her throat. ‘Right. Things have changed since last night. I’m not taking on this house. I’m sorry, but I’ve had time to think and I reckon it’ll be too expensive to do up and as it had such a bad reputation I think I’ll go back to my original plan and open up a smaller place back in town.’ She placed her knife and fork together.

‘You should have told me this morning, Dolly,’ Ester said.

‘I’m telling you now. I want my money back, Ester.’

‘Well, if you’d told me this morning that might have been possible but you’re too late now. I put it in the bank.’

‘You can take it out again, can’t you?’

‘No. I’m bankrupt and they gave me the deeds of the house. They were holding them as collateral. I’ve still got about three hundred grand to pay off, but they won’t cash a cheque for a tenner right now.’ Ester looked dutifully crestfallen and her voice took on an apologetic whine. ‘I’m really sorry, Dolly. Like I said, you should have told me this morning.’

Dolly’s face tightened. ‘If you’d told me you were bankrupt I’d never have walked out without getting my money.’

‘But you did and now there’s nothing I can do about it. The house is yours, Dolly, lock, stock and barrel.’

Dolly pursed her lips. ‘You really stitched me up, didn’t you, Ester? I should have known there’d be some hitch. I really walked into this one, didn’t I?’

‘With your eyes open, Dolly, I never pushed you. I told you to think about it, if you recall. Now there’s nothing I can do. But we’re all here, we can all lend a hand, get this place up and rolling.’

Dolly clenched her hands. ‘You any idea how much this will cost to get fixed up?’

‘No, but we can start getting estimates in tomorrow. Local builders are cheaper than up in London.’

‘And how do I pay them?’ Dolly said quietly.

Ester flicked a look at Julia, shrugging her shoulders. ‘Well, they give you grants, don’t they? Unless you’ve got more dough stashed away.’

Dolly got up and fetched a glass. ‘Any wine left from last night?’

Ester sent Angela to get a bottle from the dining room. All the women were looking at Ester, then back to Dolly as if at a tennis match.

Dolly followed Angela out, and went into the drawing room, where Angela was at the desk, reading a stack of newspaper cuttings. When she saw Dolly, she tried to stuff them back into the drawer. ‘I couldn’t find any wine, Mrs Rawlins.’

‘It wouldn’t be in a drawer, would it, love?’ She pushed past Angela and opened the drawer as Angela backed away from her. She flicked through the cuttings, headlines about the murder of her husband, headlines about the shooting of Shirley Miller — and the diamond raid, then folded them and picked up her handbag.

‘What you staring at me like that for?’ she demanded.

Angela stuttered, ‘I’m not, I just — just didn’t know about all that.’

‘What? That I’d been in prison? You knew, they all know. Now go and get the bottle. Try the dining room, dear.’

Angela scuttled out, and Dolly, taking a deep breath, walked back into the kitchen. The room fell silent.

Angela uncorked the wine as Dolly sat waiting, her hands clenched over her handbag. As soon as the wine was poured, Ester lifted her glass. ‘Well, here’s to the Grange Foster Home.’ Echoing her, they sipped the wine. Dolly took only a small mouthful before she replaced the glass.

‘Isn’t it about time you all cut the pretence and came clean?’

‘About what, Dolly? Ester asked innocendy.

‘Why you’re all here,’ Dolly replied calmly.

Again they looked at Ester to take the lead. She smiled sweetly. ‘You know why. We were all at a bit of a loose end and thought it would be nice, you know, to have a little welcome-out party, that’s all. As it turned out, you got this place.’

‘Off your hands,’ said Dolly.

‘Well, if you want to put it that way.’

Dolly opened her bag slowly. ‘Well, maybe I will be able to open up but that isn’t what you all bargained for.’

‘I don’t know what you mean, Dolly,’ Gloria said.

‘Don’t you?’ Dolly threw the newspaper cuttings on to the table. ‘Not too clever leaving them lying around, was it? That’s why you’re all here. That’s what you’re all after, isn’t it?’

‘The diamonds?’ Connie asked, and received a kick under the table from Ester.

‘Yes. The bloody diamonds.’ Dolly rarely, if ever, swore.

Mike drew up outside Jimmy Donaldson’s run-down antique shop. The lights were on and a patrol car was parked outside. He patted his pocket, felt the pouch bag, and then walked into the shop.

Arc-lights were turned on and three uniformed officers were strip-searching the place. It was a tough job as furniture, junk and bric-à-brac were crowded into every inch of the shop space. An officer looked up at Mike as he entered. ‘There’s another floor even more stuffed than down here, plus a backyard crammed full, and an outside lav.’

‘You not found them, then?’ Mike asked innocently.

‘No. According to Donaldson, they were hidden behind a wall. Well, we’ve nearly had the place come down on us, we’ve chipped away at so many bricks, but we’ve come to the conclusion he’s playing silly buggers.’

Mike eased his way round a Victorian washstand. ‘Well, carry on. I was just passing so I’ll give you a hand for an hour or so.’

The officer nodded. ‘You want a cup of tea? We’re about to brew up out back.’

‘Yeah, milk, one sugar.’

Left alone, Mike looked round the shop. He could see the wall where they had been removing bricks and he inched towards it. He had to be fast as the men were within yards of him. He pulled back two bricks and stuffed in the pouch, then rammed the bricks back into place. When the officer returned with two mugs of tea, Mike was standing by the opposite wall. He was inspecting the brickwork. ‘Go over every inch of all the walls again. Donaldson is still insisting it’s behind the brickwork.’

Mike stayed for another half-hour, helping move furniture around but keeping well away from where he had stashed the pouch, concentrating on the opposite wall. As he left, he suggested they stay at it.

He got home after eleven. His wife was already in bed and when he got in beside her, she didn’t move.

‘You awake?’

‘Yes.’

‘Sorry I’m so late. It’s this bloke we brought out of the nick, taking up a lot of extra time.’

‘Phone call for you.’

‘Oh yeah, who?’

‘I don’t know. She put the phone down.’

Susan turned to face him. He sighed. ‘If whoever it was put the phone down, how do you know it was a she?’

‘I can tell. And that’s what I’m asking you to do, Mike. Tell me if there’s somebody else, just tell me.’

‘There isn’t, Sue, honestly, there’s no one. I’m not seeing anyone else, I swear to you, and this is starting to get on my nerves.’

She turned over again, and lay awake for about ten minutes, crying silently, until she couldn’t stand it any longer and turned back to him, but he was fast asleep. She’d been through his pockets again and this time she’d found a crumpled half page torn from an old diary. There was a phone number and a name. Angela. She’d called the number, asked to speak to Angela, but a woman had said she no longer lived there, had no idea where she was, and slapped down the receiver. Susan realized she should have said that the girl on the phone had said her name was Angela, confronted him, but then he could have asked the real Angela if she’d called and spoken to his wife. She punched the pillow. Nothing in the world was worse than lying next to someone, hearing them sleep, when you couldn’t. She lay on her back and stared at the ceiling. She wondered who Angela was, if it was her, if there was anybody, or if it was her own paranoia, because she sensed, deep down — probably like every woman who suspects their lover or husband is seeing someone else constantly makes excuses, because she is afraid of the truth.

The bottle was empty. The women sat listening to Dolly as she twisted the wine glass round by the stem. ‘There were the four of us, all widows, Linda Pirellie, Bella, Shirley Miller and me. They’re all dead.’

Angela stared. She knew the name Shirley Miller, knew it very well because it was the name Mike was always saying. It was his sister’s.

‘Anyway, when it was over, I knew it would be just a matter of time before they picked me up so I sorted out the stones. I left them with a friend of mine, someone I knew I could trust.’

‘You left them with someone for eight years?’ Ester asked uneasily.

‘Yes, but, like I said, I knew he wouldn’t try anything because I got so much on him. Well, my husband did.’

‘Harry,’ Gloria said eagerly.

‘You’ve read about him, have you?’ Dolly looked at the old newspaper cuttings, the xerox copies. One had his face on the front page: ‘Harry Rawlins Murdered’, screamed the headline. ‘I know what I did was wrong,’ Dolly said softly. No one spoke, but they all watched and listened intently. ‘I killed him. I paid the price. And probably I’m the only person who still mourns him, I always will. In some ways I tried to be him, before I knew what he’d done to me, before I knew he had a cheap little tart of a girlfriend, before I knew she’d got his kid. I tried to be him, as if keeping him alive inside me, but the laugh was on me because he was alive.’

The women began to inch towards them the old reportage of the robbery and the murder; hearing her speaking so softly about what she had done was unnerving.

‘I’m serious about putting something back into society. He took it out for years and years, and I want to make up for it. I truly want to open a foster home. It’s serious with me and I know I can do it. I can give a home for the unwanted, the kids with babies, the drug addicts... I want to have a purpose for the rest of my life.’

Ester nodded. ‘Yeah, well, we all agree it’s a great idea, and you may regret buying this place now but when you done it up, Dolly, think how many kids you can give a place to.’

Dolly sighed. ‘Yeah, it’s just the finances, isn’t it? And that’s what I’m going to use the diamonds for. Now, if any of you have any thoughts about getting a cut, then you’ve not got a hope in hell. I’m not planning on sharing this with any one of you. They are mine, all mine, and I’ll need every penny.’

‘But we know that. All we’re offering is to help you run this place,’ Ester said warmly, and the other women muttered in agreement.

Julia leaned forward. ‘Will you need any help in getting them from this guy? Any help fencing them? Surely we can help you there.’

‘For what? A cut?’ Dolly asked.

‘Hell, no, just to show you how we all feel,’ Ester said, beaming. She could almost feel the money in her hands, she was so close.

Dolly leaned back. ‘Well, you can stay or go, up to you, but you’ll have to earn your wages. I’m going to maybe need some help, I’ve been away a long time, and I’m not sure who to fence them to.’

Kathleen received a dig beneath the table. ‘Eh, Dolly, leave that to me, I know the best. You get them and we’ll soon have them sorted out, and cash in your hand. How much you reckon they’re worth?’

Dolly paused before she answered. ‘Maybe three and a half million... I doubt if I’ll see more than one, maybe one and a quarter back.’

There was a lot of murmuring and quiet sneaky looks as they each suddenly felt rich, their good mood lifting them into suggesting ways of fencing. Then Dolly stood up. ‘I’m collecting them tomorrow so we’ll soon see what the value is. Now I’m off to bed, maybe just have a walk around. Goodnight.’

They all chorused goodnight, as Dolly fetched her coat, refusing everyone’s offer to join her.

As soon as the door closed behind her, Ester put out her hand. ‘Put it there. What did I tell you?’

A few slapped Ester’s hand, but Julia rocked in her chair. ‘She doesn’t seem eager to give us a cut, Ester. Maybe you’re starting to celebrate a bit too early.’

Ester gazed at her. ‘She brings them here and we don’t get a cut, we don’t wait for her to fence them, we simply take them! Agreed?’

They all nodded. They seemed to have forgotten Angela who had not said a word throughout. Ester suddenly realized she was there and reached out to prod her. ‘You just got lucky, darlin’, but open your mouth to her about this and you’ll be sorry, very sorry.’

Angela hunched her shoulders. ‘I won’t say anything to anyone.’ But her mind was buzzing. This was a way to get Mike on the phone. At least he’d talk to her if she told him about the diamonds.

Ester twitched back her bedroom curtain, the room in darkness. ‘She’s still out there, Julia, looking up at the house, as if she’s checking us out.’

‘Try just checking out what you lumbered her with,’ Julia drawled, lying in the bed.

Ester jumped on the bed, crawling towards Julia who opened her arms to her.

‘Can I ask you something?’ Julia said as Ester nuzzled her neck. ‘Would you kill her for them?’

Ester lay back against the pillows. ‘No. Let me ask you something. If she caught us taking them, do you think Dolly would kill?’

Julia thought for a moment and then said, very softly, ‘I’m sure of it.’

Dolly paced round the garden. She was cold, the night chilling her, but she didn’t want to go inside. It was talking about him, it brought it all back. She walked slowly towards the swimming pool: the dank, dark water made her remember even more clearly. The way he smiled at her, waiting there by the big ornate lake. He never expected her to kill him, not for a second, and she would never forget the look of total surprise on his face when she brought out the gun and fired: a half mocking smile, then that moment of fear. And then he was dead, his body falling backwards into the water.

She rubbed her arms, turning back to the house. She was going to make this work, with or without that bunch of slags. She knew that she would need help, though, and she toyed with giving them a few hundred each, but the bulk was going to be put into bricks and mortar, into making Grange Manor House her dream come true, on a bigger scale than she had ever hoped for. And it had been her dreams that had kept her going for all those long, empty years in prison.