Shield of Thunder

CHAPTER THREE THE SACKER OF CITIES

A short while earlier Sekundos the Kretan had watched Arelos stalk from the beach, almost half the men following him. He had not even been tempted to join them. Obviously they had located the runaways and were out for blood.

Sekundos sat by the ashes of the previous night’s fire, his thoughts somber. He had been a pirate for more than a lifetime. He had outlived all five of his sons and one of his grandsons. Yet still, though his hair was now iron-gray and his limbs ached in the wet winter months, he had lost none of his love for the Great Green, the feel of the trade winds on his leathered features, the salt spray on his skin.

He no longer fooled himself, as some of the younger men did, that piracy was a noble venture conducted by heroes. It was merely a way of ensuring food and clothing for his family and a little wealth to pass on to his heirs.

Sekundos once had commanded three ships of his own, but ill weather had seen him lose two, and the third had been sunk the previous summer by the madman Helikaon—may the gods curse him! Sekundos’ last surviving son had been commanding the vessel at the time, and now his bones lay moldering below the Great Green. No man should outlive his children, Sekundos thought.

Now, far in excess of sixty years of age, Sekundos had joined the crews of the loathsome Arelos. The man was lucky, which was why he had risen to command two ships, but as far as Sekundos was concerned, he was an idiot. True, he was a good swordsman, but he also reveled in murder and slaughter, which was not profitable. Captured men or women could be sold in the slave markets of Kretos or the cities of the eastern coast. Dead men were worth nothing.

And Arelos had gathered around him too many like-minded men, which led inevitably to scenes like the one the previous day, when they had captured a young woman who would have fetched as much as sixty silver rings in Kretos. First they had swarmed over her like wild animals, and now she was marked for death.

Sekundos hated such stupidity.

He had been cheered when the Mykene pair had joined the crew. Kalliades was a quiet man, but he had a brain, and the lout with him was strong and, Sekundos guessed, loyal. They were like the men he used to sail with, stalwart and steady. Now they, too, were to be killed.

Thirty years earlier Sekundos would have waited for his moment and challenged Arelos to a duel for the right to captain the ships. Now he merely accepted his orders, hoping their luck would hold and he would return home for the winter laden with booty. Somehow he doubted it. Slave raids were always profitable, even though they did not yield the treasure gained by plundering ships carrying gold ingots or silver bars. Still, how many of those could Arelos guarantee in any season? Most of them sailed from the high eastern coasts, usually accompanied by a war galley for protection. And then there was Helikaon the Burner. Sekundos shivered at the thought of him.

The previous year Helikaon had captured a pirate ship and burned it with the crew still on board, their hands lashed to the rails. Only an idiot like Arelos would consider sailing into Dardanian waters, haunt of Helikaon’s dread ship, the Xanthos.

Idly Sekundos stirred the ashes of the fire with a stick, seeking glowing embers to feed a new blaze. When at last he had the fire going again, he sat beside it, the cold of the night still in his bones.

Several of the older crewmen joined him by the fire. “Going to be a fine day,” said Molon, a stocky man of middle years. He handed Sekundos a chunk of stale black bread. “I would guess they found the Mykene pair. I hope they don’t drag them back here for torture.”

“They won’t drag them anywhere,” Sekundos said. “You don’t take men like that alive.”

Molon stared out over the hills. “They’ll kill the woman, too,” he said. “Waste of a good slave. A hundred silver rings, I reckon.”

“More like sixty,” Sekundos said. “Wasn’t pretty enough to make more, even with the golden hair. And too tall. Kretans don’t like tall women.”

“I’ll wager they don’t like throat cutters much, either,” remarked a thin, round-shouldered man with a wispy beard. He was young and new to the sea. Sekundos did not like him much.

“Well, we wouldn’t tell them that, would we, Lochos?” replied Molon.

“Surprising how word gets out,” the thin man said. “The whisper would go around the slave market even before the bidding started.”

“Why do you think Kalliades did it?” Molon asked.

Sekundos shrugged. “Maybe he just didn’t like Baros. For a copper ring I’d have gutted him myself.”

Lochos laughed. “A copper ring—and the gods giving you forty years back, old man. Baros was a fine fighter.”

“Not fine enough,” Molon put in. “They say Kalliades killed him in a heartbeat. Say what you like about Mykene warriors, you wouldn’t want to get in a scrap with one.”

Another ship had beached the night before, its crew setting a cookfire some hundred paces farther along the rocky shoreline. It was an old vessel with a high curved prow, similar to the first ship Sekundos had owned. He gazed at it fondly, noting how well it had been cared for. Not a sign of barnacles, and there was fresh linseed oil on the timbers.

“Arelos is thinking of taking her,” Lochos said. “Only about thirty in the crew.”

Sekundos sighed. “You note the crimson eyes painted on the bow?”

“Yes. What of it?”

“It is the Penelope, out of Ithaka. You recall the stocky man with the wide golden belt and the red-gold beard? The first ashore late yesterday? That is Odysseus. They call him the man without enemies. A lot of young sailors think that’s because he is such an amusing storyteller. It is not. It is because when he was a young warrior, Odysseus killed all his enemies. Back in the days when he was known as the Sacker of Cities. Take a look at the big black man sitting sharpening knives. That is Bias. He can hurl a javelin with such power that it could damn near go right through a bony man like you, Lochos. And you see the blond giant by the fire? That is Leukon. Last summer he fought in the games at Pylos. He’s a fighter, and one blow from his fist would cave in your skull. There’s not one man in Odysseus’ crew who can’t be counted on when the thunder rolls. Take the Penelope? We’d lose more than half our men—and the rest would carry wounds.”

“You say.” Lochos sneered. “But all I saw yesterday was a fat old man in a golden belt, and most of his crew look ancient and worn out—just like you. I could take him.”

“I’ll enjoy watching you try,” Sekundos said, stretching and climbing slowly to his feet. “Of course you need to remember something.”

“What’s that?” Lochos asked.

Sekundos’ foot slammed into the seated man’s face, knocking him backward, blood spraying from his broken nose. He struggled to rise, but Sekundos leaped on him, hammering his fist twice more into the injured nose. Then Sekundos grabbed him by the throat and hauled him upright. “You need to remember that us old ones are sneaky bastards. Take Odysseus? He’d pin your ears back and swallow you whole. And what he shit out would be worth more than you are.” Sekundos threw the dazed man to the ground, then returned to his seat.

“You are in a foul mood,” Molon said amiably.

“No, I am in a good mood. If it was foul, I’d have cut his damned throat.”

Just then one of the men pointed toward the settlement. “By the gods, isn’t that Kalliades?” he said.

Sekundos lifted his hand to shield his eyes from the bright sunshine. Then he saw them: Kalliades, Banokles, and the girl, walking down toward them. The girl’s hair had been shorn away. Sekundos swore. “That’s another thirty silver rings off the price,” he said.

“What is that he’s carrying?” Molon asked, pushing himself to his feet.

Sekundos chuckled. “Clever lad. Should be interesting to see what happens next.”

The three newcomers were followed onto the beach by a large number of the pirate crew, all keeping their distance. Sekundos waited. Kalliades walked up to the fire and tossed the severed head of Arelos to the sand.

“We fought the duel,” Kalliades said.

“So you are the captain now?” Sekundos asked.

“I have no wish to be captain, Sekundos. Piracy does not suit me. Horakos nominated you.”

“A great honor, I am sure, lad.” He stared hard at Kalliades. The man had a cut on his cheek that was dripping blood onto his tunic. “You’ll need some stitches in that.”

“In a while.”

“And we get the woman back?”

“No. I keep her. You get the ships.” He glanced down at Lochos, who was lying on his back, holding a cloth to his bleeding nose. “What happened to him?”

“He attacked my boot with his nose. You’ve got nerve, Kalliades. I’ll say that for you. What makes you think I won’t order the men to hack you to pieces and take the woman?”

Kalliades shook his head. “You’d have to challenge me, Sekundos. The Law of the Sea. You want to challenge me?”

Sekundos laughed. “No, lad. You can keep the woman. With her hair slashed like that she’s hardly worth the cost of feeding her.”

“Whose ship is that?” Kalliades asked, pointing toward the Penelope.

“Odysseus’.”

“The storyteller. Always wanted to meet him.”

“He tells a fine yarn,” Sekundos agreed. “But he doesn’t carry passengers for free.”

“Then it’s as well that I robbed Arelos after killing him,” said Kalliades, tapping the heavy pouch hanging from his belt. “And now it is decision time for you, my friend. Do we wish each other well and walk away, or did you have other plans?”

Sekundos considered the question. In reality he had no choice. He was too old to challenge Kalliades. Then the thought struck him that he was too old to face any challenge. He swung toward the waiting pirates.

“Do you lads wish to serve under me, or does any other man here want the command?”

“We’ll serve you, Sekundos,” the thickset Horakos answered. “What are your orders?”

“Make ready the ships,” he told them. “The wind is fair, and I smell plunder on the sea!” The pirates sent up a cheer and then moved off toward their ships. Sekundos gestured to Kalliades and led him away from the rest. “I do wish you well, lad,” he said, “but be wary of Odysseus. I happen to like the man, but he is—shall we say?—unpredictable. If he learns you are Mykene outlaws, he might just laugh and welcome you like brothers or turn you over to the first Mykene garrison he finds. He has a contradictory nature.”

“I’ll remember that,” Kalliades told him.

“Then remember this also: When you meet him, you’ll be reminded of a big old dog, friendly and excitable. Look into his eyes. You’ll see there is also a wolf there.”

The dreams of Odysseus were troubled. A child was calling to him from beneath the waves, but Odysseus was unable to move. He realized he was tied to the mast of the Penelope. There was no one else on board, yet the oars lifted in unseen hands and cleaved the water in perfect unison. “I cannot reach you,” he shouted to the lost child.

He awoke with a start to see the blond giant Leukon kneeling by his side. “Something you should see, Odysseus,” he said. Odysseus sucked in a great breath. His heart was still hammering, and his head ached from the surfeit of wine the night before. Pushing himself to his feet, he rubbed at his eyes, then glanced upward. The wind was fresh and gentle, the sky serenely blue. He looked along the beach. A group of pirates had gathered around a large campfire. Odysseus blinked and squinted.

“That’s a head he’s just tossed beside the fire,” Leukon said. “By the color of the hair I’d say it might be Arelos.”

“I thought Arelos was taller,” Odysseus muttered. Bias, who had moved alongside, laughed at the comment, but Leukon merely shook his head.

“Hard to tell when it’s just a head,” he pointed out. Odysseus sighed. Leukon looked for the literal meaning in every comment. Irony was largely wasted on him. When Portheos the Pig had sailed with them, he always made Leukon the butt of his jokes. Thoughts of the dead Portheos dampened Odysseus’ spirits further. Every crew needed a joker, someone to lift morale when times were hard or the weather was cruel. Pushing thoughts of Portheos away, Odysseus turned to Leukon.

“Recognize anyone else?” he asked.

“I think the gray-haired man is Sekundos. Don’t know the others.”

Odysseus saw a woman in a torn tunic standing alongside a huge blond-bearded warrior. The savage haircut suggested she had lice. The group around the fire split up, the pirates moving toward their galleys. Then the two warriors and the woman began to walk toward the campfire of the Penelope’s crew. “What do you make of them?” Odysseus asked Bias.

“Tough men. There’s been a fight. The tall one has a wound on his face.”

“A fight? Of course there’s been a fight. There’s a severed head on the beach.” Odysseus grunted, stepping away from them and gazing at the approaching trio. The tall man with the cut on his face was a stranger, but the powerfully built blond warrior wearing the bronze-reinforced breastplate was familiar to him. Odysseus seemed to recall the man was a Mykene soldier.

As they came closer, Odysseus saw that the wound on the tall warrior’s face had slashed across an older scar. Blood was still flowing to his dark tunic.

“I am Kalliades,” the man said. “My friends and I seek passage, Odysseus King.”

“Kalliades… hmm. Seems I have heard that name before. A Mykene warrior who fought alongside Argurios.”

“Yes. And against him. Great man.”

“And you are Banokles One Ear,” Odysseus said, turning to the huge warrior. “I remember you now. You picked a fight with five of my crew two summers ago.”

“Thrashed them all,” Banokles said happily.

“You lie like a hairy egg,” Odysseus responded with a chuckle. “When I dragged them back, you were down on the street with your hands over your head and blows raining in from all sides.”

“Just taking a small rest to recoup my strength,” Banokles said. “By Hephaistos, once on my feet I’d have ripped their heads off.”

“No doubt,” Odysseus said. “And what is your tale?” he asked the cropped-headed whore.

“I am traveling to Troy,” she answered. That voice! Odysseus fell silent, his eyes narrowing as he scanned her face. There was no doubt as to her identity, and Odysseus knew now that she had slashed away her hair for reasons other than lice. The last time he had seen her, as a child of around twelve, she had taken scissors to her golden locks, cutting the hair back to the scalp, nicking the skin in several places. It had been a sad sight.

He saw from her expression that she knew he had recognized her. “My name is Piria,” she lied, her pale gaze holding his own.

“Welcome to my camp, Piria,” he said, and saw the relief in her eyes.

Turning away from them, he watched the pirate galleys being launched. It gave him time to think. He was in a quandary now. She was traveling under a false name. That probably meant that she had left the Temple Isle without permission. Women sent to serve on Thera generally remained there all the days of their lives. In fact, he knew of only two women who had been released from the isle in more than thirty years.

There was a story, though, of another runaway, many years earlier. She had been returned to the isle and buried alive to serve the god below the mountain.

He pondered the problem. If this girl was a runaway and he was discovered to have assisted her flight knowingly, he could be cursed by the high priestess. The old woman was a princess of the Mykene royal family, and worse than her words would be the fact that her hatred could cost Odysseus dearly in his trade with the mainland and perhaps earn the enmity of her kinsman Agamemnon.

The pirate galleys rowed out onto the clear blue water, and Odysseus watched as they raised sail. Another problem struck him. Why had two Mykene soldiers been traveling with pirates, and why were they now seeking passage on a ship whose destination they could not know?

The words of Kalliades echoed in his mind. Odysseus had asked about Argurios, and Kalliades had said he had fought with him and against him. The only time Mykene soldiers had fought against Argurios had been in Troy the previous autumn. Agamemnon had ordered the murders of all involved. What was it Nestor had said? Two escaped and were declared outlaw.

Sweet Hera! He was standing with a runaway priestess and two Mykene renegades.

“The Penelope is a small ship,” he said at last, “and when our cargo arrives, there will be little room left. We are traveling to Troy for the wedding of the king’s son, Hektor. However, we will be stopping at a number of islands on the way. Did you have a destination in mind?”

Kalliades gave a rueful smile. “Wherever fair winds take us,” he said.

“No wind is favorable if a man does not know where he is going,” Odysseus told him.

“All winds are favorable to a man who does not care,” Kalliades responded.

“I need to think on this a while longer,” Odysseus said. “Come and join us for breakfast. Bias will stitch that cut on your face, and you can tell me how you came to be collecting heads.”

Kalliades sat beside the breakfast fire, his irritation growing. The black sailor Bias was kneeling alongside him, one hand pinching the skin of his face, the other pushing a curved bronze needle threaded with black twine through the flaps of the wound, drawing them together. Close by, Banokles was regaling Odysseus and the crew of the Penelope with a ludicrously distorted version of the rescue of Piria and the fight with Arelos. He made it sound as if Arelos had been a demigod of battle. The truth was more prosaic. The man had been merely skillful, lacking true speed of hand. The fight had been brief and bloody. Kalliades had stepped in swiftly to deliver the death wound. As he had done so, Arelos had slumped forward, butting Kalliades’ cheek and splitting the skin.

Kalliades looked into the dark eyes of Bias. The man was smiling as he listened to Banokles spinning his tale.

“A good tale,” they heard Odysseus say as Banokles concluded the overblown story. “Though it lacks a truly powerful ending.”

“But he won and survived,” Banokles argued.

“Indeed he did, but for the story to make men shiver, there needs to be a mystical element. How about this: The moment the head of Arelos was cut from the body, a plume of black smoke rose from the severed neck, forming the figure of a man wearing a high plumed helm.”

“I like that,” Banokles said. “So what is the figure of smoke?”

“I don’t know. It is your story. Perhaps it was a demon who had possessed Arelos. You sure you didn’t see a little smoke?”

“Now that you mention it, I think I did,” Banokles told him, to the laughter of the crew.

Kalliades closed his eyes. Bias chuckled. “Welcome to the Penelope,” he whispered, “where the truth always gives way to the golden lie. There, the wound is sealed. I’ll cut and draw the stitches in a few days.”

“My thanks to you, Bias. So what brought the Penelope to this island? The flax plants are still in flower, and I have seen no sign of other industry.”

“You’ll see soon enough,” Bias told him. “It should be an amusing day. Well, for passengers, anyway. I doubt there’ll be much laughter among the crew.” Sitting back, he scooped up a handful of sand and scrubbed the blood from his fingers. “A fine bruise is going to form around that cut,” he said.

“Where is the Penelope heading next?”

“We are making for an island a day’s sail to the east, then, if the gods bless us, we’ll head northeast for Kios, then the eastern coast and Troy.”

Banokles joined them, handing Kalliades a dark loaf and a round of cheese. “Did you hear that about the plume of smoke?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“What could it be, do you think?”

“I don’t know, Banokles. There was no plume of smoke.”

“I know that. Intriguing, though.”

Bias chuckled. “It was the spirit of an evil warrior from long ago who was cursed never to see the Elysian Fields. His soul was trapped in an ancient dagger, which the pirate leader found in a grave he desecrated. When Arelos stole the dagger, the evil spirit overcame him, filling him with hate for all living things.”

“Now, that is storytelling,” Banokles said admiringly.

Bias shook his head. “No, lad, that is stolen from a tale Odysseus tells. With luck you’ll hear the full story sometime on the voyage. We’ll beach somewhere, alongside other ships, and sailors will beg Odysseus to tell a tale or two. You might hear that one, though he will certainly have devised new stories over the winter. When last we spoke, he was preparing something about a witch with snakes for hair. I’m looking forward to that.” Bias glanced along the beach. “Now the fun begins,” he said.

Kalliades turned. Some two hundred paces away a fat old woman wearing a shapeless gown of faded yellow linen was leading a herd of black pigs onto the beach. Every now and again she would tap her staff against the side of an animal seeking to leave the herd, and it would trot obediently back into the pack.

“That is your cargo?” Kalliades asked.

“Yes.”

“You need help slaughtering them?” Banokles asked.

“They are not going to be slaughtered,” Bias said. “We’re shipping them live to another island. Swine fever killed all the pigs, and there is a merchant there who will pay dearly for another breeding herd.”

“Shipping live pigs?” Banokles was astonished. “How will you contain them?”

Bias sighed. “We’re using the mast and the spare mast to create an enclosure at the center of the deck.”

“Why would anyone want to ship live pigs?” Banokles asked. “They’ll cover the deck with shit. I was raised on a pig farm. Believe me when I tell you that pigs can really shit.”

Kalliades pushed himself to his feet and wandered away from the two men. He had no interest in pigs or their excrement. Even so, he watched the fat old woman walking with the beasts. They were trotting along quite happily behind her, making small squeaking, grunting sounds. Odysseus strode to meet her. As he approached, three of the pigs darted away from him, but the woman made a whistling sound and they stopped and turned.

“Welcome to my campfire, Circe,” Odysseus said. “Always a pleasure to see you.”

“Save the flattery, king of Ithaka.” She gazed at the Penelope with baleful eyes, then gave a harsh laugh. “I hope you are getting a sack of gold for your troubles,” she said. “You will earn it. My little ones will not be happy at sea.”

“They seem docile enough to me.”

“Because I am with them. When Portheos first approached me with this idea, I thought him simple in the head. When you rejected his plan, I assumed it was because of your greater intelligence.” She gazed around the beach. “Where is he, by the way?”

“Died in his sleep back home.”

Kalliades heard the old woman make a clucking sound. She shook her head. “So young. A man of such laughter should live to a great age.” She looked at Odysseus and remained silent for a while. “So,” she said at last, “why did you change your mind about the plan?”

“It is merely trade. Oristhenes no longer has pigs. A pig breeder without pigs has no purpose in life.”

“Have you considered why no one else is bringing him live pigs?”

“What others do or don’t do is not my concern.” A large black boar began snuffling at Odysseus’ feet, nudging its snout against his bare leg. Odysseus tried to push it away with his foot.

“He likes you,” Circe said.

“I like him, too. I am sure we will be fast friends. You have any advice for me?”

“Carry plenty of water to swill down the decks. And a few splints for the broken bones your crew will suffer if the pigs panic and break through your enclosure. If you reach Oristhenes’ island without mishap, ensure that Ganny here”—she tapped the big black boar with her staff—“is the first one you lower to the beach. The others will gather around him. If Ganny is content, you will have little trouble. If he is not, there will be mayhem.”

Kalliades saw that Piria also had moved away from the campfire and was sitting alone on a boulder. He walked across to her. She looked up but did not offer a greeting.

“Why are there pigs on the beach?” she asked.

“Odysseus is taking them to another island.”

“We are to travel with pigs?”

“It would seem so.” The silence between them grew, then Kalliades asked, “You wish to be alone?”

“You can have no idea of how much I wish to be alone, Kalliades. But I am not alone. I am surrounded by men—and pigs. Not a great deal of difference there,” she added scornfully.

He turned away, but she called after him. “Wait! I am sorry, Kalliades. I was not referring to you. You have been kind to me and—so far—true to your word.”

“Many men are,” he said, seating himself on a rock close by. “I have seen cruelty. I have seen kindness. Sometimes I have seen cruel men being kind and kind men being cruel. I do not understand it. I do know, though, that all men are not like the pirates who took you. You see that old man there?” He pointed to a white-haired figure standing back from the crew and watching the pigs being herded toward the Penelope. He was tall and stooped and wore a cloak of blue over a dark gold-embroidered tunic.

“What of him?”

“That is Nestor of Pylos. When I was a child, I worked in his flax fields. I was a slave and the son of a slave. The king has many sons. Every one of them was sent to work among the slaves in the fields for a full season. Their hands bled; their backs ached. My mother told me the king did this so that his sons would understand the harshness of life beyond the palace and not be scornful of those who worked in the fields. Nestor himself journeyed through his lands, talking to those who labored for him, seeing that they were well fed and clothed. He is a good man.”

“Who still owns slaves,” she said.

Kalliades was bemused by the comment. “Of course he owns slaves. He is a king.”

“Was your mother born a slave?”

“No. She was taken from a village on the Lykian coast.”

“As I was—by pirates?”

“I suppose so.”

“Then Nestor is just like them. What he wants, he takes. But he is called a good man because he feeds and clothes the people he has torn from their loved ones and their families. The evil of it all sickens me.”

Kalliades fell silent. There had always been slaves, as there had always been kings. There always would be. How else would civilization flourish? He glanced toward the Penelope.

Several crewmen had harnessed a canvas sling to two ropes. They had lowered the ropes from the deck of the beached ship, and men on the shore were trying to lift a pig into the sling. The beast began to squeal and thrash its legs. The sound panicked the other pigs. Four of them began to run along the beach, chased by sailors. The old crone with the staff shook her head and walked away from the mayhem. Kalliades saw Banokles hurl himself at a large pig, which swerved as Banokles was in the air. The warrior sprawled into the sand and slid headfirst into the water. Within moments the scene on the beach was chaotic. Odysseus began bellowing orders.

The pig in the sling had been hauled halfway to the deck but was thrashing so wildly that the ropes were swinging from side to side. Suddenly the beast began to urinate, showering the men below. The remaining pigs, some fifteen in all, bunched together and charged down the beach directly toward Odysseus. There was nothing for him to do but run. The sight of the stocky king in his wide golden belt being chased by a herd of squealing pigs was too much for the crew. Laughter broke out.

“It is going to be a long day,” Kalliades said. He glanced at Piria. She was laughing, too.

It was good to see.

At that moment Odysseus halted in his run, swinging around to face the herd. “Enough!” he bellowed, his voice booming like thunder. The animals, startled by the noise, swerved away from him. One huge black pig trotted up to the king and began to nuzzle his leg. Odysseus leaned down and patted its broad back. Then he strode back toward the Penelope, the black pig ambling along beside him. The other animals began to made soft squealing sounds and fell in behind the king.

“Laugh at me, would you, you misbegotten cowsons,” Odysseus stormed as he approached his crew. “By the balls of Ares, if I could teach these pigs to row, I’d get rid of you all.”

“An unusual man,” Kalliades observed. “Can he be trusted?”

“Why are you asking me?” Piria said.

“Because you know him. I saw it in his eyes when you spoke.”

Piria remained silent for a while. Then she nodded. “I knew him. He visited my father’s… home… many times. I cannot answer your question, Kalliades. Odysseus was once a slave trader. Years ago he was known as the Sacker of Cities. I would not willingly put my trust in any man who earned such a title. As it is, I have no choice.”