Squirrelflight's Hope

CHAPTER 27

Squirrelflight struggled to open her eyes. Weak light surrounded her, and she felt stiff stalks of bracken beneath her. Her head throbbed. Pain scorched her hind leg as though a fox were tearing at it. She tried to look at it, and paws slipped beneath her head, cradling it like a kit.

“Where am I?” Was she home?

“In the medicine den.”

She recognized Jayfeather’s mew. She strained to make sense of the shadows moving around her. Scents flooded her nose—Alderheart, Jayfeather, Bramblestar, the tang of herbs, and a sickly, sweet scent that filled her with dread. The shadows shifted and became clear. She could see the roof of the den, and the gap where light filtered down to the pool.

The paws behind her head moved, and she saw Jayfeather leaning over her. She flinched as he dripped sap into her mouth, then recoiled as the bitter taste bathed her tongue.

“It will help.” Alderheart’s mew sounded close to her ear. She realized, as he gently lowered his head, that his paws were the ones supporting her. She struggled to sit up, but pain split her head, and the fox seemed to tear more viciously at her leg.

“Don’t try to move.” Bramblestar was close. She felt his warm breath on her cheek and breathed in his scent, her heart aching with relief. She was home and she was with him. He loved her again.

An idea worried at the edge of her thoughts. Who was taking care of Leafpool? Alderheart and Jayfeather were both at her nest. Was her sister already awake? Squirrelflight craned to see. “Leafpool?”

Jayfeather moved and blocked her gaze.

“Leafpool!” Alarm sparked in Squirrelflight’s belly as she recognized the sweet, sickly scent for what it was. Flailing her paws, she pushed him away. She ignored the pain piercing her leg and struggled to the side of her nest. Leafpool lay limp in her nest. Horror hollowed her belly as she realized her sister’s blank, cloudy gaze could mean only one thing. Leafpool was dead.

“Leafpool!” She heard herself wail as though hearing an owl hoot way off in the forest. It couldn’t be true. Grief seemed to rise up like a flood from the earth and drag her once more into darkness.

“Leafpool!” She opened her eyes. Her pain was gone.

“Squirrelflight?” Leafpool was leaning over her. Sunshine sparkled around her. “You came back.”

Relief swamped Squirrelflight. She scrambled to her paws and pressed her cheek against Leafpool’s. “I thought I’d lost you. But you’re here.” Soft grass rippled around her paws. Meadows stretched away on every side, dazzling in bright daylight. She stiffened and pulled away as she understood. This was StarClan’s territory. She blinked at Leafpool. “Did I die too?”

“Not yet.” Leafpool’s eyes shone with love. Stars studded her pelt so that she glittered like the Moonpool.

Squirrelflight stared at her, grief tearing at her heart. “But you did.” Her words were no more than a whisper.

“I’m glad to be here.” Leafpool’s eyes glistened. “I have so many friends here.”

“But you have friends in ThunderClan.” Squirrelflight stared at her. Could she really be glad to be dead?

“They’ll join me eventually.” Leafpool looked across the meadow. Firestar and Sandstorm were padding toward them, Hollyleaf beside them.

Squirrelflight’s thoughts whirled. “Why am I here? Am I going to die?” Bramblestar’s scent still lingered on her tongue. “I want to go back!”

“Be patient,” Leafpool murmured. “You can’t change what will happen by wishing.”

Firestar reached them, Sandstorm and Hollyleaf at his side. “She might be able to change this.” He blinked calmly at Squirrelflight.

Leafpool looked puzzled. “What do you mean?”

“Jayfeather and Alderheart’s herbs are working.” Firestar held Squirrelflight’s gaze. “She can live if she fights. But her spirit must be willing to go back.”

“Of course I want to go back!” Squirrelflight pricked her ears eagerly.

Sandstorm’s gaze was dark. “You were badly hurt,” she told Squirrelflight. “You can choose to live, but your life in ThunderClan might be very different from the one you know now. What if your injured leg doesn’t heal properly? You’ll have a limp. Will you be able to be deputy? Will Bramblestar want you as deputy? You defied his authority when you helped the Sisters. I know this is hard to hear, but what if he doesn’t want you, even as a mate?”

“That’s why I have to go back!” Squirrelflight stared at her mother. “I don’t care what happens. I have to make things right with my Clan and with Bramblestar. And my kits are there.”

“You have kits here, too,” Sandstorm pressed. “You’ll be able to care for Juniperkit and Dandelionkit. And Leafpool will be here. Don’t you remember what I told you after your apprentice ceremony? As long as you have each other, you’ll both stand tall.”

Squirrelflight flicked her tail. “What’s the good in standing tall in StarClan? ThunderClan needs me. Lionblaze and Jayfeather need me. If Leafpool is dead, I can’t let them lose me too.”

Sandstorm’s eyes glistened. “I don’t want you to suffer any more than you have. Look how happy Briarlight is here. You don’t want to return to a life like hers, do you?” Sandstorm’s eyes rounded imploringly. “Didn’t you promise that you wouldn’t let anything drive you and Leafpool apart?” She glanced at Leafpool. “Why not join her here? Then you’ll always be together. You’ll be safe.”

Firestar touched his nose to Sandstorm’s cheek. “Squirrelflight must make her own decision,” he mewed softly. “Just as she’s always done.”

Leafpool’s star-speckled fur rippled along her spine. “Death won’t separate us.” Squirrelflight’s heart twisted as Leafpool met her gaze. “We promised always to stick together, and it won’t be any different now. If you go back, I’ll watch over you. And one day, we will be together again.”

Squirrelflight’s throat tightened. “I’ll miss you,” she whispered.

“We’ve been apart before,” Leafpool told her. “It only made our relationship stronger.”

Squirrelflight closed her eyes for a moment. Leaving Leafpool would be hard. “If I can go back, perhaps you can too, if you try.” She blinked hopefully at her sister.

Leafpool shook her head. “ThunderClan doesn’t need me. I know I’ll be missed. But Jayfeather and Alderheart can take care of all the medicine-cat duties. Jayfeather and Lionblaze will still have you. I’ll be happy here. I feel like I’ve come home.” She blinked lovingly at Firestar and Sandstorm, then looked at Hollyleaf and purred. “I’ve been away from them too long.”

Firestar tipped his head to one side and blinked at Squirrelflight. “Are you going back?”

“Yes.”

“I’m proud of you,” he mewed.

She lifted her chin. “My Clan needs me.”

“They’re lucky to have you.” He narrowed his eyes. “But you must tell them to turn toward StarClan, not away from us. We can help—”

Squirrelflight blinked at him. “We’re not turning away from StarClan.” What did he mean? “You’ve been quiet lately, that’s all. We’ve been listening for messages that don’t come.”

“Perhaps you haven’t been listening hard enough!” Firestar flicked his tail.

Squirrelflight frowned. Had the Clans been missing the signs StarClan had sent them? She knew now how hard it was to communicate with the living. “We’ll try harder to hear you.” She touched her nose to Firestar’s muzzle. “I must go now. Bramblestar will be wondering what happened.”

She brushed her mother’s cheek with her own. “Tell Dandelionkit and Juniperkit that I’ll be back. And when Bramblestar joins us, we’ll be a family.”

“Take care.” Sandstorm pulled away and blinked anxiously at Squirrelflight. “Whatever happens, be brave.”

“I will.” Squirrelflight turned to Leafpool. “I’m sorry I have to leave you.”

“I understand why you do,” Leafpool mewed. “Tell Jayfeather and Lionblaze that I always loved them with a mother’s love and I always will. Tell them I’m sorry for the lie. I was trying to protect them, not hurt them. I’ll never forgive myself for the pain I caused, and I’ll be watching over them, and you.” She ran her tail along Squirrelflight’s spine. “Even when you feel I’m a long way away.”

Squirrelflight gazed at her sister, fixing a picture of her in her mind—her eyes bright, her pelt sparkling, a purr in her throat. She wanted to remember this, if she was going back to bury her body. “Okay.” She nodded at Firestar. “I’m ready.” She glanced across the meadow, looking for the pond.

Firestar seemed to guess what she was thinking. “You don’t need to swim back this time. StarClan is ready to let you go. Close your eyes.”

Squirrelflight closed her eyes and saw brightness. The blue of the sky seemed to swirl down and wrap her in a dazzling embrace. The ground disappeared from beneath her paws. As she fell, memories flashed in her thoughts.

“Squirrelkit! Come and play!” She was in the ThunderClan nursery, back in the old forest. Leafkit was calling to her from the entrance.

“Be careful!” Sandstorm called as Squirrelflight raced into the clearing, chasing Leafkit.

“You can’t catch me!” Leafkit glanced over her shoulder, her pelt fluffed with excitement.

“Yes I can.” Heart quickening, Squirrelflight hared after her, the wind in her fur.

The camp seemed to shift, and suddenly Leafpaw was standing beside her. They were apprentices again.

Leafpaw purred. “I can call you Squirrelface if you like.”

Squirrelflight blinked at her. “You haven’t called me Squirrelface in moons.” Her heart ached with longing.

“Come on.” Leafpaw padded across the clearing toward Cinderpelt and Dustpelt. “Let’s tell them to hurry up.”

This wasn’t what had happened. “We waited for them to finish talking.” Squirrelflight hurried after her. Were Leafpaw’s memories different from hers?

“Hurry up!” Leafpaw whisked her tail as she reached Cinderpelt. “I’ve got so much to learn. We have to hurry. I won’t be around forever.”

As Cinderpelt turned, the forest blurred and then flashed into focus once more. She was in the lake camp now, and Brambleclaw was glaring at her. “Couldn’t you have told me the truth?”

She remembered his words. They were seared into her heart. He was talking about the lie she and Leafpool had told about Jayfeather, Lionblaze, and Hollyleaf. She’d told him they were his kits. He’d been so angry. “It was never my secret to tell,” she breathed. “Leafpool had so much to lose.”

“She lost everything anyway!” Brambleclaw snarled.

“No I didn’t.” Relief washed Squirrelflight’s pelt as she heard Leafpool’s mew. Her sister was facing Brambleclaw, pride rippling through her fur. “I watched my kits grow into fine warriors, and I still serve my Clan with all my heart.”

And suddenly they were older, lying in the warmth of the setting sun.

“You said you were going to be Clan leader.” Leafpool swished her tail over the ground. “We were going to rule the whole forest and be the most powerful cats who ever lived.”

Squirrelflight purred as the memory warmed her. “We were very young.” She gazed across the clearing to where Lionblaze and Jayfeather were sharing a rabbit with Sparkpelt and Alderheart. Bramblestar was scrambling down the rock tumble toward them.

Leafpool got to her paws. “Take care of them.” She blinked lovingly at Squirrelflight and padded away.

As Leafpool faded into shadow, Squirrelflight closed her eyes. She felt solid earth beneath her and bracken sticking into her pelt. She was home. Good-bye, Leafpool. Her sister had had been her best friend. Without her, ThunderClan would never feel the same. Grief pulled at her heart as she drifted into darkness. I’ll miss you.