Strife

3. Attack

Okay, time for another entry in my “Book of Shadows”. I feel kind of silly calling this wire-bound notebook by such an imposing-sounding name. “Book of Shadows” is supposed to be for spells and chants and stuff like that-an I don’t really know any. Still, both Hunter and Sky think we should keep one, and everyone else in Kithic seems to do it. So I got one. Which means that I have a special place to share my “wonderful” news.

Dad is marrying Hilary. She’s pregnant. And moving in with us in a few weeks.

I tried really hard to act happy for Dad, but he didn’t ask me how I felt about it. So I guess he didn’t really want to know.

As I write this, my mother’s picture is looking at me from the dresser across the room. I wonder what she would think of all this. I honestly have no idea-I barely knew her. She died when I was three. I like to think that she’d be glad my father is happy with someone new. I like to think that she was a nicer person that I am.

Hilary is coming over later. I’m glad I won’t be around, I’m going to circle. I have to admit that when Bree first asked if I wanted to join Kithic, I wasn’t so sure that it was a good idea. But at the very first circle we held hands and Sky taught us how to feel the each other’s energy. It was truly magical, the kind of experience you can’t put into words. I felt myself opening up like a flower. That’s the best thing about the coven. In a weird way-I don’t really understand it myself-it’s almost like coming home.

Bree just called to tell me she’s going to be about ten minutes late to pick me up. She’s giving Morgan a ride, too. I know it’s dumb, but Morgan makes me uncomfortable. She has magical powers. Of course, everyone else in the coven thinks it’s incredibly cool. One time she made flowers appear out of thin air. I had to look around at everyone else and tell myself, ‘It’s all right. Nobody else is scared.’ Then I focused on my breathing to calm myself.

I know that magick is a part of Wicca, and the smaller spells-using herbs and oils to heal, channelling your energy toward something you want to achieve, but Morgan’s magick is different. It feels dangerous, out of control. And even her own sister is afraid of it.

But that doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t drive to circle with Morgan or even that she isn’t a nice person. Right?

— Alisa

“You look gorgeous,” I told Bree as I ducked into her BMW, Breezy, on Saturday evening. She wore a soft-looking gray coat over black wool pants and managed to look sleek, sophisticated, and sexy all at once.

“Thanks,” Bree said without enthusiasm.

“So,” I said, “will Robbie be at the circle?” I actually already knew the answer to this—Robbie and I had chatted for about one second that afternoon before Mrs. Fiorello, my mom’s coworker, had beeped in on the other line and I’d had to hand the phone over to my mom. But I was looking for an opening. In fact, I’d asked Bree for a ride especially so I could talk to her.

“Yeah, he’ll be there.” There was an odd note in her voice. My opening.

“Is everything okay with you guys?” I asked as nonchalantly as I could.

“What do you mean?” Bree’s voice was taut, like a piano wire.

“I don’t know, you just seem to be. . not yourself lately.” I gripped the door handle, preparing for an attack. Bree could be prickly about personal comments.

She sighed. “Yeah,” she said, and her voice trailed off into the darkness. The road hummed beneath us, and for a moment I thought that she wasn’t going to say anything else. “I’ve been feeling—I don’t know.” Bree shook her head, as if frustrated that the thoughts wouldn’t form a cohesive sentence for her. “I guess I’ve been feeling kind of possessive.” She laughed. “Pretty weird, huh?”

“For you? Um, yeah,” I agreed. “You usually run for the hills when someone acts possessive with you.”

“Tell me about it.” Bree scowled. “I just can’t seem to stop myself. It’s just—I’ve never felt this way about a guy before.”

“But that’s great,” I said. “It means you care.”

“Maybe.” Bree sounded doubtful. “I’ve never really let myself get this close to someone before. I guess this is why.” Running an impatient hand through her dark hair, she added, “I really hate the way I’m feeling right now, Morgan. I hate the way I’m acting. I don’t want to be clingy and needy—but I just don’t want to let Robbie out of my sight. I guess I’m just worried that he’s going to get bored with me or something. That now that I actually care about someone, he’s going to move on.”

I reached over and grabbed Bree’s hand. Even through our gloves, I could feel her hand radiating heat. “That’s not going to happen,” I assured her. “Robbie is nuts about you. He’s been nuts about you for a long time—and that’s not going to change.” I pictured Robbie in my mind, remembering how he’d confessed to me his feelings for Bree. “Besides, he’d never want to hurt you.”

Bree squeezed my hand. There was a catch in her voice as she said, “I know.”

I leaned my head against the cool passenger’s-side window. I wanted to say more, but we were almost at Alisa’s house, and I didn’t want to discuss this in front of her. My breath made a steamy crescent on the side of the window, and I remembered the two of us in elementary school, breathing on the cold glass of the school bus window and writing our names in the steam. That was before Bree’s mom moved away to live with her boyfriend in Europe. It was before her older brother, Ty, went off to college and before Bree’s corporate-lawyer father began working so hard that she hardly ever saw him anymore. Bree was so beautiful and poised, it was easy to forget that her life was sort of lonely. Until now, she’d always kept the guys she dated at a safe distance. But Robbie was different—they’d been friends before they started going out, and he knew her too well to be satisfied with staying at arm’s length. He was chipping away at the wall that surrounded her. I wondered whether it would open her up to caring about people in a new way or whether it might make her crumble.

I briefly considered talking to Robbie about what was going on with Bree but rejected the thought. It was their relationship, after all. Instead I asked her, “Have you spoken to Robbie about this?”

“No,” she admitted.

“Maybe you should.”

Bree bit her lip and didn’t reply. She made a left turn. The silence yawned between us as we pulled up into the circular driveway in front of a small, tidy ranch-style house. Alisa must have been watching for us because a moment later she hurried out the front door.

Bree turned to me. “Okay, I’ll talk to him,” she said quickly.

Good, I thought. I’d done my good deed for the day.

Alisa said a shy hello, and Bree eased the car back onto the road toward Hunter’s house. The car was silent for the rest of the drive. I guess we were all lost in our own thoughts.

Hunter’s small living room was already filling up by the time we arrived. The room was lit by the warm glow of candles, and in the soft light the worn furniture seemed comfortable and welcoming. The air was heavy with the scent of mulling spices—Sky must have put a pot of cider on the stove. Robbie stood in the corner, talking to Simon Bakehouse, but the minute we walked in, he flashed Bree an enormous grin and hurried over. I gave Bree an I-told-you-so look, and she smiled as Robbie draped an arm around her shoulders. They melted into the rear of the room.

From his place by the tattered armchair, Hunter waved to me and continued an intense-looking conversation with Sky. Jenna came over and said hello to me, and she and I chatted for a few minutes. “Are you feeling all right?” I asked.

“My asthma’s bothering me,” she admitted. “I took a shot off my inhaler before I came here, but it hasn’t helped much.”

I resisted the urge to lay my hands on her back. I’d helped her with her asthma before. But I knew that Hunter and Sky frowned on such practices, and I was trying to show them that I’d turned over a new leaf.

Not everyone had arrived yet, so I headed to the kitchen to help myself to cider. When I pushed open the door, I was surprised to see Alisa sitting alone at the small table, staring off into space. I hesitated a moment, reluctant to barge in on her. But I decided it would look weird to scurry away, so I just plowed ahead.

“Hey,” I said, crossing to the stove. Someone had put out some plastic foam cups on the countertop so people could help themselves to the cider. “This smells great—do you want some?”

“Hmm?” Alisa jumped slightly. “Oh—no. Thanks.” She tried to smile at me, but she looked tired. . and something else. Sad, maybe.

I pulled out a chair and sat next to her. I took a slow sip of cider and felt its warmth spread through me, chasing away the February chill. I wondered why Alisa was in here alone. “Is everything okay?” I asked finally. I felt awkward. I really didn’t know Alisa that well. Normally I didn’t like to pry into people’s lives, but there was something about Alisa that made me feel oddly protective, almost like she was a vulnerable younger sister or something.

Surprise flickered over her face. For a moment it seemed like she wanted to tell me what was on her mind. Almost instantly, though, she seemed to think better of it, and her face closed. “I’ve just had some weird news, that’s all,” she said. She looked down at the table.

Before I could decide whether to press her for details, the kitchen door swung open to reveal Sky. Her pale skin and fair hair seemed to glow against the midnight blue linen shirt she was wearing. “Morgan, Alisa,” she said, “we’re getting ready to start.”

Stepping into the living room, I saw that Hunter had already drawn a circle on the floor. Alisa and I stepped into it behind Sky. I tried to move toward Hunter but found myself almost directly across the circle from him. Once everyone had settled down, I was surprised to see someone new next to Sky. She looked young and was about five feet tall, with dark red hair and green eyes. Her slim figure made her seem coltish, as if she were about to go through a growth spurt. I wondered who she was.

“Everyone, before we begin, I’d like to introduce our guest,” Sky said. “This is Erin Murphy.”

Erin Murphy. I knew that name. Erin Murphy was the witch who was coming to teach me magickal defenses. But this couldn’t be her! I studied Erin’s face more closely and saw faint creases around her mouth and eyes. Maybe she’s older than she looks, I thought. Automatically I reached out with my senses and felt her power. She was strong. Really strong.

Erin had been looking at Sky, but her eyes suddenly flicked to me. The steady gaze felt like a hand against my forehead, but after a moment the pressure stopped, and she smiled. I resisted the urge to rub my temples.

“Erin is a healer from Scotland,” Sky went on. She didn’t say anything to the rest of the coven about the fact that Erin was a magickal defense expert.

Jenna looked hopeful, and I knew that she was thinking about her asthma. From her place next to me, Alisa shuffled uneasily. “A healer?” she repeated.

“You think I’m not old enough to know what I’m doing? I’m forty-seven,” Erin said abruptly, turning her sharp eyes on Alisa. I guess she was used to people’s confusion about her age. Then her face took on a curious expression as she still looked at Alisa.

Alisa blushed to the roots of her hair. She blinked uncomfortably and brought her hand to her forehead. “I didn’t mean—”

“It’s quite all right,” Erin cut her off in a musical brogue. “If you can believe it, the flight attendant on my flight over asked me if my ma would be meetin’ me at the gate.” Laughter rippled through the circle, and I felt everyone relax. Erin studied Alisa a moment longer, then smiled. I glanced across the circle at Hunter, and he grinned at me.

“You don’t sound Scottish,” Matt Adler said.

“I’m an immigrant,” Erin said, and something about her tone made everyone chuckle again. “I’m Irish, living in Scotland. On vacation in America.” She looked around the circle, and her eyes landed on me. “Any other questions?” she asked. Her tone was playful but seemed to hold a challenge as well. I had a million questions, but I felt too shy to ask them. I could practically feel the power rolling off this woman.

After a moment Sky took out some salt and began to purify the circle. Raven had managed to maneuver herself so that she was between Sky and Matt, whom she’d fooled around with a few times back in the fall. I wondered how Sky would react.

Sky began placing incense for air, sand for earth, a candle for fire, and a small cup of water at various points on the circle. I could see that the line of her jaw was rigid, although she was making an effort to seem unaffected by Raven’s presence. It was actually kind of strange to see the two of them next to each other. Raven had clearly taken more care than usual with her appearance tonight—she was wearing a red velvet peasant blouse that laced up the front and black leather pants. Her dyed black hair cascaded down her back. She looked like a biker-chick version of Lady Guinevere. She was dark and lush, fire to Sky’s ice.

Sky set down the last bowl and returned to her place in the circle. Hunter looked up at me. “There’s a full moon tonight—very auspicious,” he said. “Let’s join hands and walk deasil.” I was standing between Alisa and Robbie, and I was glad for Robbie’s familiar presence as we all began to move clockwise around the room. As the group moved together, I could feel the energy build around me. I remembered the way it used to press in on me when I’d first begun coming to circles, and I was glad that I was now more in control of the magick that surrounded me. Now the power seemed wonderful and exhilarating, without the edge of fear that it used to hold.

“In Wicca we aren’t afraid to ask the Goddess for what we need,” Sky said. “When you feel it, make a wish. During a full moon it may very well be granted.”

Next to me Robbie was the first to speak. “I wish for endurance.”

On the other side of him Bree said, “I wish for peace.”

Ethan went next. “I wish for strength,” he said. He cast a quick look at Sharon, who was standing next to him.

Sharon met his look. “I wish for understanding.”

We went around the circle, and everyone said what they wished for. It was kind of interesting. Everyone wished for intangible things.

Finally it was Alisa’s turn. “I wish things could stay the way they are,” she said quietly. There was a sadness in her voice that tugged at my heart.

I glanced across the circle at Hunter, and my mind flashed back to the kiss we’d shared a few nights ago. That was a moment I’d wanted to preserve perfectly, like a leaf in amber. But things change—that’s their nature. I felt a wave of sympathy for Alisa, for her doomed wish. I squeezed her hand.

Hunter gave me a nod, and I knew it was my turn. I racked my brain for something to say, and I suddenly remembered the first circle I’d ever been to. Everyone had named something they wanted to banish. I’d said I wanted to banish limitations. In the weeks that followed, my life had opened up. I’d found Wicca, I’d discovered the truth about my heritage, and my power had started to reveal itself. But now, finally, my world seemed to be settling down, and I was growing comfortable with who I was.

“I wish to learn my limits,” I said. I felt Alisa turn toward me, but when I faced her, she had already turned away. I wondered at my own choice of words. In order to learn my limits, I would have to test them. How much further would I have to go?

We continued walking deasil for a moment, then we all stopped and threw our hands up. “That was good,” Sky said. Her cheeks were flushed pink, and I knew that she was feeling the same energy I was. “Let’s take it down.” We all sat on the floor.

“I feel a little dizzy,” Alisa whispered as she crossed her legs.

I nodded. We had been moving in the circle for quite a while, building up a lot of energy. I was glad to be sitting, too.

Sky reached out and picked up the cream-colored pillar candle that represented fire. With a gentle breath she extinguished the flame and set the candle in the center of the circle. Smoke curled toward the ceiling as Sky said, “Morgan, please light this.”

I frowned. I could only assume that Sky was hoping to demonstrate my magick to Erin, but reluctance swelled in my chest. Most of my friends in the coven had no idea that I could light fires with my mind, and I wasn’t really keen on their finding out. I loved my power, but I’d seen the gulf it had created between Robbie and me, and, in another way, between Bree and me. I was something different. I didn’t want my friends to fear me.

Hunter looked at me with serious eyes. I could tell that he wanted me to light the candle, too. Erin leaned forward slightly, one eyebrow arched, almost as if she doubted I could do it.

The circle was hushed and still. A feeling of expectancy filled the room.

I faced the candle and quieted my mind. The energy that still curled through the room flowed through me, and in a moment the wick sputtered and burst into flame. A few people gasped. Alisa’s eyes flew wide, and she drew her knees toward her chest and leaned away from the candle, as if it were a snake that might bite her.

“Oh my God, Morgan,” Bree said. She was staring at me.

The candle flame burned steadily, and I looked over it at Hunter. His face was golden in the soft glow.

Suddenly a frigid breeze blew through the room, as if someone had opened a window. The candle flame hissed and went out, then the candle itself toppled over, spilling wax on the carpet. An icy finger of fear tickled my scalp. That was a big candle, I thought. It shouldn’t have blown over so easily.

A murmur ran through the room.

“What’s happening?” Alisa whispered.

But before I could answer, the lightbulb in the lamp behind Hunter exploded with a loud pop. Someone screamed. For a moment I thought it was me, but then I realized it was Alisa. She stared at me in horror.

On the other side of the room the bookcase behind Hunter shuddered, and a book flew off the shelf, hurling itself against the opposite wall. Reflexively I threw up my hands as the entire shelf of books flew after the first one, landing on the wall with thud after vicious thud. The bulbs of the other three lamps exploded in rapid succession, the sound like gun-fire. Hunter stood up and ran to the windows.

“Stop it!” Alisa screamed. “Stop it, Morgan!”

“I can’t!” I shouted. I had no idea what was happening or what had caused it.

On Alisa’s other side Sharon reached to pull her into a hug, but Alisa fought her off as the room was plunged into darkness. Hunter stepped away from the window, letting the cold moonlight trickle in. Alisa was still screaming. I could see Erin’s small form as she stood up and began to chant.

Goddess, we trust in you to protect us,

With this prayer we banish fear.

It was a short chant, and as she said it over and over, Alisa’s cries grew more faint until the only noise I heard was a faint sniffling. The rest of us took up the chant. There was strength in the simplicity of the words, and as I said them, I felt their magick working on me. I took deep breaths and imagined a white light growing inside me, and I tried to release the fear that had held me in its grip. After a few minutes the room felt calm again, although the warm energy from before had disappeared.

There was a light scraping sound, then a small burst of flame as Sky struck a match. Leaning forward, she stood the pillar candle up and lit it. Hunter, who was still standing, took the packet of matches from her and began lighting candles all around the room. I looked around the circle at everyone’s faces. Robbie’s lips were pressed tightly together, and I could feel anger flowing from him. Bree looked at me like she couldn’t remember who I was, and Jenna stared at the floor, avoiding my eyes. Matt, Thalia Cutter, and Simon were wide-eyed, silent. Hunter and Sky were impassive, but Raven was gazing at me with what looked like respect. And Erin looked at me like I was a fascinating bug, something slightly revolting but nonetheless interesting.

“I didn’t do anything,” I said loudly. “That wasn’t me.”

Alisa shakily got to her feet. Sharon stood and put her arm around Alisa’s shoulders. Alisa turned to her and asked, “Will you take me home?” She sounded very young. Sharon nodded, and Alisa turned toward the door. I tried not to feel hurt. I knew Alisa blamed me, but this wasn’t my fault.

“I’m sorry, you guys,” Sharon said. “But I think Alisa—”

“It’s all right. Actually, why don’t we call it a night?” Hunter said quietly. “We’ll talk about this next week, when we’ve had a chance to sort it out.”

“Right.” Robbie got to his feet. He didn’t look at me.

Bree peered around him. “Morgan—?”

“I’m staying,” I said. “Hunter, you can take me home later, right?”

Hunter confirmed with a nod. In a few moments everyone had said their good-byes, and the house was empty except for Hunter, Sky, Erin, and me. The blood witches.

Sky extinguished the candles, and we moved to the kitchen, where Hunter poked around, looking for new lightbulbs.

“Well, that was a very interesting circle,” Erin said brightly as she pulled up a chair to the farmhouse table.

I ladled hot cider into four cups and handed them out. “What happened?” I asked as I warmed my hands on the sides of my cup.

“I was about to ask you that, my dear,” Erin replied. She took a sip of her cider.

“It wasn’t me,” I said again, feeling resentful.

Erin put down her cup. Leaning forward on one arm, she looked at me closely. “Are you sure?” she asked. I opened my mouth to reply, but Erin held up a hand. “I’m not saying that you caused it on purpose. It might have been an accident.” Leaning back in her chair, she added, “It was my understanding that there were only four blood witches here tonight. And only one who hasn’t been trained. Or initiated. You.”

“It wasn’t me,” I insisted. “I would have known if I were making something happen. I would have felt power flowing through me.” I turned to Hunter. “Right?”

Hunter looked at Erin. “Morgan is extremely powerful,” he said. “She may not be initiated, but she has gained a great deal of control over her magick.”

Erin shrugged. “Perhaps,” she said. I couldn’t tell if she was convinced. “All right, then,” she went on, turning to Sky, “what else might have caused it?”

Hunter and Sky exchanged glances. “Amyranth?” Sky asked. Hunter nodded, and I felt a tightening in my chest. Amyranth. Ciaran’s coven. They had kidnapped me, tried to drain my power. Were they after me again?

Was. . was Ciaran himself after me? I felt cold at the thought. I was more or less certain that he knew I’d worked with the council to try and trap him. He might want revenge. True, I was his daughter. His flesh and blood. He loved me—I really believed that. Then again, he had loved my mother. And that hadn’t stopped him from killing her.

Erin cocked her head and thought for a moment. “There are sigils of protection on this house, I presume?”

“Yes, of course,” Hunter said. “But I should redraw them.”

Erin stood up. “Do that.” She put a gentle hand on my shoulder. “Sky and I will do a few spells to protect Morgan herself.”

I looked up at her in surprise, but she just continued to watch Hunter as he grabbed a flashlight and went out the back door. In a few moments we could hear his footsteps crunching through snow as he visited each window and door and retraced the runes of protection on them.

Erin took her chair again, and then she, Sky, and I joined hands around the table. Erin began to chant. Though I didn’t understand them, the words sounded beautiful in her lilting voice. The energy flowed between us, and suddenly I felt filled with light, with magick. Serenity flowed around me.

After a few moments Erin let go. Picking up my hand, she traced a sigil on my palm, one I had never seen before.

“This will protect you.” Her voice was strong and sure. I looked into her cool, clear eyes. She’s a master of magickal defenses, I told myself. I can believe her.

Anyway, what choice did I have?