Stroke Of Fear

Chapter Thirteen

Tanner

“Run, Bridget,” I yell, pointing toward the goal at the opposite end. She’s barely running. I groan and kick up a tornado of dust. These kids are so far from caring about this soccer game. My co-counselor is texting on her phone, and she hasn’t looked up the entire game.

I throw my hands in the air. “No, the other way, Bridget. Jesus Christ…” I fade out, catching a glimpse of Aubrey walking down the hill. I’ve nearly taken all of her clothes off ten times since the incident in the shower. It’s been two weeks. And we still haven’t had the chance to get any alone time.

Her dirty blonde hair is down today, hanging down past her breasts. We’re set for a swim lesson soon. She’s getting a little too used to the boat. I’ve told her eighty times I’m not making love to her in the damned boat. Not the first time at least. We need somewhere where I can get to her. Take care of her the way she deserves.

I glance back at the field and two of the boys are at each other’s throat, pushing one another. “Holy Hell,” I mumble. “Hey, cut it out or you’ll get sent to the isolation cabin. Now.” Both boys break it apart and they start the game at my whistle. “Kids,” I groan.

Two soft, slender hands wrap around my waist, and I turn to look down at Aubrey. She has a devilish smile on her mouth. God that mouth, I’m going to do bad things to that mouth. “What do I have to do to get sent to the isolation cabin, sir?” She pokes her lip out and flutters her eyelashes.

“I think I can think of something for you to do, and they’ll start with that mouth.”

Red flushes underneath her skin, but she keeps her chin up. “I think we can arrange something like that.”

“Excuse me,” someone says. My co-counselor, which I can’t remember her name, is tapping me on the shoulder. “Is practice over? Can they leave?” She’s smacking her gum, her red painted fingernail is pointed toward the kids running around the field.

“Yeah. Sure. It’s over.”

Aubrey laughs. “You’re very easily distracted. You didn’t have to end practice.”

“Ah, but I did.” I lean down to kiss her neck. “Because we both have the afternoon off. I think we need to go get showers and meet up,” I whisper against her neck. I’ve wanted to take care of her for weeks, and she’s wanted it. Just thinking about it gets my dick hard.

Her hazel eyes widen. “That sounds like a great idea. What time?”

“Seven?” I ask.

She nods and lifts on her toes to kiss my mouth. “I’ll see you then.” She turns and walks back over to Cassie who’s talking to a camper. Goddamn, I’m going to have to talk to her about her shorts.

At five I’m showered, in my cabin and drying off my hair. Eric promised to stay the fuck away until I gave him an “okay” text. I’m sure he’ll find something to do. I pull on some jeans and a T-shirt and sit on my made bed. Maybe I should mess it up; it’ll be easier to get underneath the covers. Then she’ll think I’m a slob. Stop acting like a fuckin’ girl. Who cares what your bed looks like? She’s going to be lying in it in two hours.

Standing up, I go toward the door. I left my cell phone in my truck.

The camp is empty when I get out. Most of the kids are in the cafeteria or still in late activities for the day. The door of my truck squeaks when I open it. My phone is sitting in the cup holder. I have a missed call from my mom and a text from Aubrey. Sliding into the driver’s seat, I reach back to grab a jacket since the wind is picking up. My phone slips from my grip and fumbles to the floor. Great. Crawling over the console, I reach under the seat until my fingers curl around something. What the…? I pull it out and sit it in my lap.

Fuck. I realize what it is. Amanda’s box. A box full of her things. Her mother even gave me some things from her room. Pictures of us, key chains, C.Ds. A dull ache forms in my chest. Christ. I deserve this. I deserve to be happy. I know I do. But the ache in my chest tells me otherwise. She’s dead because I texted her. And I’m out here caring for someone else.

No, no, no. Squeezing the box between my hands, I toss it into the backseat and hit the steering wheel with my fists as hard as I fucking can. My fingers burn from the impact, but I’m hurting too bad to care. I reach underneath my seat and grab the second flask hidden in my truck.

It burns going down my throat, but I chug it anyway. Resting my head against the back of the seat, I close my eyes and clutch the flask in my hand. I don’t know how long I drink, or sit there. I’m mumbling to myself when I feel someone slap the side of my head.

“What the…?” I slur, nearly falling out of my truck. Austin is standing inside the door, staring down at me.

“Get up, Tanner. Don’t do this. Don’t.”

Anger travels up my neck and heats my skin. “I’m an adult. D—don’t tell me what to do.”

“Right, because you really look like an adult now, slurring your words and shit. Get a fucking grip, Tanner. You’ve got an amazing girl here. Why would you go and drink yourself to sleep?”

Shaking my head, I slam my hands down on the steering wheel. “You don’t understand! You don’t! You’ve had everything your entire life. Nothing’s ever been taken away from y-you.”

He laughs, but it’s humorless. Gripping my shoulders, he pulls me up and pushes me against the opened door of my truck. “I lost you! Mom! I lost my home in Arkansas. Do you think I wanted to move hundreds of miles away from you? No. Dad made me, I had no choice. Don’t talk to me about being lost. You’re not the only person that’s lost something.”

Damn. Guilt starts to weigh on my chest. I always thought he wanted to move. He never told me any different. Shutting my eyes, I rest my head against the window. “Austin, it’s not the simple.”

He presses his lips together and throws his arms in the air. “Whatever.” He turns on his heel and leaves me leaning against my truck, sulking like a fucking woman. I know that I’m being ridiculous, but the pain is too much to ignore. I loved Amanda, but she’s not coming back. It’s something that haunts me. Until I met Aubrey, I hurt all the time. She masks it somehow. It buries itself away from me and I slowly dig it back up.

I hold back the tears. I remember her lying in the casket. Her face was swollen; she didn’t look like herself at all. I stroked her hair, her cheek. My mother had to pry me away from her. I went straight to work the next day and worked until my body couldn’t physically work anymore. My dad had to pick my body off the lumberyard floor. It was the only fatherly thing he’s done in years.

I slump against my truck. My flask is empty. Austin knocked half of it out when he jerked me up. The stars stare down at me through the crowded trees. It reminds me of Aubrey. She loves to look at the stars.

“Tanner.”

Fuck, I can even hear her.

“Tanner.” Louder this time. Opening one eye, I glance up. Aubrey is standing in front of me, her hands on her slender hips. She’s pissed. Goddamn it’s sexy. “Are you real?”

She scoffs and offers me her hand. “Stand up. I want you to stand up when I tell you this.”

Standing up may be a problem. Using her hand, I get to my feet until I’m hovering over her. She smells so good. “You should be fucking ashamed of yourself, Tanner.”

I laugh. “You’re so fuckin’ hot when you’re mad. Come here.” I try to grab her cheek, but she pushes it away. A frown is curling down on her mouth.

“Tanner,” she says, it’s almost a plea. “You’re drunk.”

“No, I-I’m not…” I whisper, draping my arm around her shoulder. She presses her head into the crook of my neck.

“Get in the truck, Tanner.”

“Why?”

“Just get in.” She gets in the driver’s seat, and I have to say it’s sexy as hell. I slide into the passenger side and lean my head back against the seat. She’s mumbling to herself, but she puts the truck in drive and goes.

I don’t ask her where we’re going. My stomach is churning from taking these curves. “Slow down, I’m gonna be sick.”

“Well, should have thought about that,” she says, turning up the radio. I don’t say anything else, because she’s right. I’m acting like an ass. Like my father. I should know firsthand alcohol doesn’t change anything. It only hides the pain for a little while.

We make a few turns and then I know where were going. Aubrey pulls into the field and shuts the truck off. Without saying a word to me, she gets out and goes around to the back of my truck. The blankets are still there and I’m glad. I’m sobering up now and I’m suddenly humiliated. Aubrey is lying on her back looking up at the sky when I jump into the bed of my truck.

“Lay down with me.”

Falling to my knees, I lay beside her. She’s quiet, staring up at the sky. Her tanned skin is flawless in the moonbeams casting down on us. “You’re an alcoholic.”

What? Squeezing my fists, I shake my head back and forth quickly. “No.” I won’t be called that. My father was an alcoholic. I’m broken. “I guess I’m just not as put together as you thought, darlin’.”

“You don’t have to be ashamed. We’re here to help each other. Heal one another.”

“I’m not an alcoholic,” I bite through my teeth. She’s quiet. I know she doesn’t believe me.

“Austin came and got me tonight. He thinks I’m your only chance. How long have you been drinking, Tanner?”

I sigh. That fuckin’ bastard. “Since she died.”

A soft sigh escapes Aubrey’s throat. I want to stop it. I don’t want her to hurt because of me. Ever. “Since I meet you it’s dwindled down. This is the first time since we’ve been serious. I came across a box of her things…and I just lost it.”

Aubrey’s small hand wraps around mine. She doesn’t offer words of encouragement, because we both know they won’t help. She of all people knows that. “What do you do for the pain?” I ask.

She doesn’t take her gaze from the sky. “Nothing. I just hurt.”

Christ. Leaning on my elbow, I stroke her cheek. “Thank you for bringing me out here. I needed it. I wouldn’t have minded if you slapped me again.”

The side of her mouth pulls up in a smile. “Sorry about that.”

“Don’t be. It made me want you more. I wanted to grab that hand and pull you closer.”

She turns to face me. “You should have done it. Don’t be afraid to go to crazy places with me, Tanner. Those places are the best for you—for us.”

“You’re right. How about a swim?” I lean down and whisper against her throat. “No clothes. No barriers. Just us.”

She shivers, her body pulled tightly against me. “Will you hold on to me?”

“I’ll never let go.”

I carry Aubrey toward the water. It’s dark, only the moonlight giving us a path to follow. She is light and soft in my arms. I feel a small nibble against my jaw, and I squeeze her tighter. “Be good, Aubrey,” I whisper.

She smiles. “I’m not good at being good, Tanner. And neither are you.”

She has no idea how fucking right she is.

Sitting Aubrey down on the dock, I slide my hand over her collarbone. I just now realize what she’s wearing. Her yoga pants are formed to her tight ass. The tank top she has on is almost see-through. I can make out the small round edge of her nipple against the soft fabric. Jesus, I’ve got to get myself together.

We had planned to spend the night at my cabin. Alone. I cuss underneath my breath. I fucked up again. How in the hell does she keep from walking away from me? Smiling, she lifts her shirt until it’s on the ground below her. She doesn’t have a bra on. Her round breasts are…perfect. They fit my hand so well.

She knows what she does to me. I see it on her face. She’s not shy. She dropped her towel in two seconds. No shame. And she has nothing to be ashamed of. I’ve wanted to feel inside of her for weeks, but it’s never been the right moment.

A pair of red, lace panties barely cover her up. She turns to the side and slowly drags them down her hips, thighs, calves and feet. Goddamn. She lifts an eyebrow, daring me to say anything. I have no idea where this girl came from. She was so scared and timid. Now, she’s fucking amazing.

“Your turn,” she says slowly.

Fisting my shirt, I tug it off. Then my boots and then my jeans. She glances down at my boxers. “Those, too.”

“You know, bossin’ me around is pretty sexy.”

She lifts her shoulders and lets them fall. “I try.” When I’m completely naked, she lets out a long exhale. Her hazel eyes lift to mine.

“You ready, darlin’?”

She nods, stepping toward me. “You said you’d take care of me. I need you to take care of me now. I’m petrified.”

“Doesn’t show.” I grab her underneath her legs and swing her up into my arms. “You’re okay. You’re always safe with me.”

Closing her eyes, she waits. I take her down the bank to the edge of the lake. It’s freezing when I step in. Aubrey’s shaking in my arms. “You’re so beautiful,” I whisper, taking her mind off the water that’s up to my thighs now. “You’re perfect.”

She’s pressing into me tightly, her arms wrapped around my neck. “Tanner, don’t let go,” she whispers against my neck, a silent cry sticking in her throat.

“I’ll never let go.” The water is at my waist now, her ass and back touch the surface. A few more steps and it’s up to my chest. She’s in the water. Her breaths are slow, her body slowly relaxing in my grip. “You feel that?” I ask.

“I feel it. It’s intoxicating. I spent so many days, hours, weeks and years in the water.”

“Sometimes the things you love are the things you fear the most,” I whisper.

A silent tear rolls down her cheek. I press my lip there and kiss it away. “You’re gonna learn to love it again, darlin’. You’re already halfway there.”

A sob breaks from her lips.

“The scary things in life are the ones worth keeping,” I whisper.

Her thick lashes span across her cheek before she glances up at me. “You scare me, Tanner. In the most amazing way. You knew me without even being introduced to me. That’s terrifying.”

“That’s worth keeping,” I say against her ear.

She leans into my chest and relaxes as I dip us a tad lower into the water. It’s cool but heavenly against the humid air. Fingernails dig into my back, and I bring her up a bit more. I don’t know how long we stand there wading in the water. She finally relaxes in my arms.

Silently, I bring her back to the bank and set her on the ground. She’s smiling as she puts her clothes on. Tying her hair into a ponytail, she glances up at me. “Thank you.”

“No,” I say, grabbing her chin. “Thank you.”