Sweet Thursday

15 The Playing Fields of Harrow[66]

Fauna had made a success of three improbable enterprises. More than likely she could have held her own in steel or chemicals, maybe even in General Electric, for Fauna had the proper ingredients for modern business. She was benevolent and at the same time solvent, public-spirited and privately an individualist, open-handed but with a delicate sense of doubly-entry bookkeeping, sentimental but not soft. She could easily have been chairman of the board of a large corporation. And Fauna took a deep personal interest in her girls.

Shortly after she took over the Bear Flag, Fauna set aside and decorated the Ready Room. It was a large and pleasant apartment with three windows overlooking the vacant lot. Fauna put in deep chairs and couches covered with bright, flower-littered glazed chintz. The drapes matched the furniture, and the pictures were designed to soothe without arousing interest—engravings of cows in ponds, deer in streams, dogs in lakes. Wet animals seem to serve some human need.

For recreation Fauna provided a table-tennis set, a card table, and a Parcheesi[67] board. The Ready Room was a place to relax, to read, to gossip, to study, and some of these things were actually done by the girls of the Bear Flag.

One wall was dominated by a large framed board on which were pasted enormous gold stars, and this was Fauna’s personal pride. The Ready Room was gay and feminine. It had an exotic, Oriental odor from the incense which burned in the blackened lap of a crouching plaster Buddha.

At about a quarter to three Agnes and Mabel and Becky were relaxing in the Ready Room. It was a time of languor. The vacant lot was washed in clear pale sunshine, which made even the rusty pipes and the old boiler look beautiful. The tall mallow weeds were as sweetly green as a garden. A sleek, gray, lazy Persian cat hunted gophers in the grass and didn’t care whether she caught one or not.

Mabel stood at the window. She said, “I heard some people used to live in that old boiler.”

Agnes was painting her toenails and waving her feet to dry the enamel. “That’s before your time,” she said. “Mr. and Mrs. Malloy, they had it fixed up nice—awning out front, Oriental rug. Once you got inside, through the fire-door, it was real nice. She was a homemaker.”

“Why’d they leave?” Becky asked.

“They got to arguing. She kept wanting curtains. He wouldn’t let her because there wasn’t no windows. When they argued it kind of echoed in there and got on their nerves. He said there wasn’t room inside to take a swing at her. He’s in the county jail now—trusty. Mrs. Malloy’s slinging hash in a grease joint over at Salinas, waiting for him to get out. They was real nice people. He’s a high Elk.”[68]

Mabel moved away from the window. “You heard the Rattlesnake Club is coming from Salinas tonight? Took the whole house over.”

“Yeah,” said Becky. “They’re having a memorial meeting for dead members. Fauna give them a rate.”

Agnes lifted her left leg and blew on her toenails. “Like this color?” she asked.

“It’s nice,” said Becky. “Looks a little like you was rotting. Say, where in hell is Suzy? She’ll find out when Fauna says three o’clock she means three o’clock. Gee, Fauna’s a funny name.”

Mabel said, “Her name used to be Flora. What is a fauna anyway? I never knew nobody named that.”

“Oh, it’s like a baby deer,” said Becky. “I don’t think Suzy’ll be here long. She’s kind of nuts—got a nuts look in her eye. Goes out walking.”

Mabel said, “Well, it’s two minutes to three. Suzy better get here.”

On the stroke of three a door opened and Fauna came in from her bedroom. A silver headband was tied around her orange hair, and it made her look like a certain social leader recently deceased. Fauna had the elegance found only in the drawing rooms of the old rich and in haute monde[69] brothels. She was heavy but she moved with light, deft steps. She carried a large basket.

“Where’s Suzy?” she asked.

“I don’t know,” said Mabel.

“Well, look in her room.”

Mabel went out.

Fauna moved to the Parcheesi board. “Somebody’s been shooting craps with the Parcheesi dice,” she said.

“How’d you know?” Becky asked.

“There’s two bucks in the corner bucket. I don’t want gambling in the Ready Room. If a young lady wants to run a few passes with a customer, that’s different, but I don’t want to find no more pencil marks on the lump sugar either. Gambling’s a vice. I knew many a good hooker with a future that’s throwed it away on games of chance.”

“Hell, Fauna, you play poker,” said Becky.

“Poker ain’t a game of chance,” said Fauna. “And you watch your language, Becky. Vulgarity gives a hookshop a bad name.” She took a linen tablecloth from her basket and spread it over the Parcheesi board. Then she laid out a napkin, a plate, wineglasses, and a heap of flat silver.

Mabel and Suzy came in.

Fauna said, “I don’t like my young ladies to be late.” She took a teacher’s pointer from her basket. “Now, what young lady wants to be first?”

Agnes said, “I’ll do her.”

“You done it yesterday,” said Mabel. “Goddam it, it’s my turn!”

Fauna said sternly, “Young ladies, suppose some nice dumb young fellow was to hear you. Now, Mabel—” She indicated the items on the tablecloth with a pointer, and Mabel began, like a child reciting poetry, “Oyster fork…salad fork…fish fork…roast fork…savory fork…dessert fork…plate…dessert knife…savory knife…roast knife…fish knife—”

“Good!” said Fauna. “Now here.” And Mabel went on, “Water…white wine…claret…burgundy…port…brandy.”

“Perfect,” said Fauna. “Which side does the salad go on?”

“Left side, so you can get your sleeve in the gravy.”

Fauna was deeply gratified. “By God, that’s good! I wouldn’t be surprised if Mabel wasn’t one of them stars before too long.” She indicated the gold stars on the wall.

“What are they?” Suzy asked.

Fauna said proudly, “Every one of them stars represents a young lady from the Bear Flag that married, and married well. That first star’s got four kids and her husband’s manager of an A and P.[70] Third from the end is president of the Salinas Forward and Upward Club and held the tree on Arbor Day.[71] Next star is high up in the Watch and Ward,[72] sings alto in the Episcopal church in San Jose. My young ladies go places. Now, Suzy—”

“Huh?”

“What’s that?”

“That funny kind of fork?”

“What’s it for?”

“I don’t know.”

“Cooperate, Suzy. What do you eat with it?”

Suzy mused, “You couldn’t get much mashed potatoes on it. Pickles maybe?”

“It’s a clam fork,” said Fauna. “Now say it. Clam fork.”

Suzy said vehemently, “I wouldn’t eat a clam if you was to give me a scoop shovel.”

“What a mug!” said Agnes.

Suzy turned on her. “I ain’t no mug!”

Mabel cried, “Double negative! Double negative!”

“What you talking about?” said Suzy.

Mabel said, “When you say you ain’t no mug, that means you’re a mug.”

Suzy started for her. “Who’s a mug?”

Fauna bellowed, “If certain young ladies don’t come to order they’re going to get a paste in the puss! Now—posture. Where’s the books?”

Agnes said, “I think Joe Elegant’s reading them.”

“Damn it,” said Fauna, “I picked them books special so’s nobody’d take them. What’s he reading them for? Breeder’s Journal,[73] California Civil Code, and a novel by Sterling North[74]—what the hell is there to read? Well, we’ll just have to use the basket, I guess. Agnes, put the basket on your head.”

Fauna inspected her. “Now look here, young ladies,” she said. “Just because you got your ankles together and your hips flang forward—that don’t necessarily mean posture. Agnes, tuck in your butt! Posture’s a state of mind. Real posture is when a young lady’s flat on her ass and still looks like she got books on her head.”

There came a knock on the door and Joe Elegant handed Fauna a note. She read it and sighed with pleasure. “That Mack,” she said. “What a gent! I guess he’d drain the embalming fluid off his dead grandma, but he’d do it nice.”

“Is his grandma dead?” Agnes asked.

“Who knows?” said Fauna. “Listen to this, young ladies. ‘Mack and the boys request the pleasure of your company at their joint tomorrow aft. to drink a slug of good stuff and talk about something important. Bring the girls. R.S.V.P.’ ” Fauna paused. “He could of yelled outside the window, but not Mack—he requests the pleasure of our company.” She sighed. “What a gent! If he wasn’t such a bum I’d aim one of you young ladies at him.”

Agnes asked, “What’s the matter with Mack’s grandma?”

“I don’t even know he’s got a grandma,” said Fauna. “Now when we go over there tomorrow, you young ladies keep your traps shut and just listen.” She mused, “Something important—well, it might be like Mack needs twenty bucks, so just keep your heads shut and let me do the thinking.”

Suddenly Fauna beat her forehead with the heel of her hand. “I nearly forgot! Joe Elegant baked a great big goddam cake. Suzy, you take four cold cans of beer and that cake and go over and give them to Doc to cheer him up.”

“Okay,” said Suzy. “But it’ll probably molt in his stomach.”

“His stomach ain’t none of your business,” said Fauna.

And when Suzy had gone Fauna said, “I wisht I could stick up a star for that kid. She don’t hardly pull her own weight here.”