Tanis the shadow years

38

'Tell ме about mу father," ClotNik insisted while they awaited Brandella's return from the grave site. The dwarf and the half-elf sat on a log near the water's edge. "Is that why you found me in Solace and brought me to Kishpa?" asked the half-elf. "Was it so I would meet your father?" Clotnik squinted into the harsh afternoon light from the lowering sun. Long shadows splayed out behind them, and Tanis pondered the shadow that a father could throw over the life of his child. How well he knew it. "I told you before you entered Kishpa's memory that I wanted to go myself," the dwarf reminded him. "Kishpa wouldn't let me. He was hiding something from me, Tanis. I'm sure of it. You were there. Now you know what Kishpa knew; his memory is now your memory. What was it he did not want me to know?"

Tanis averted his eyes from the dwarf to let his gaze fall, once again, on the lengthening shadows.

"Was my father an evil man? Was that it?" questioned Clotnik nervously, seeing that Tanis wasn't answering.

Tanis shook his head vehemently. "Not at all! I was only pausing to gather my thoughts," the half-elf reassured Clotnik. "He was, in fact, a rather good man. Not perfect. Better than most, I would say."

"You're not telling me anything," scowled the juggler, slinging a sharp-edged, fire-scarred chunk of granite into the lake. It landed with a plunk, scattering sodden ashes and sending floating wood bobbing on the ripples. "I don't want generalities. Tell me what happened!"

"A great deal happened. I don't know-"

"Yes, you do!" shouted Clotnik, jumping to his feet in agitation. A flush rose in his rounded cheeks, matching the glow cast by the setting sun. "Was Mertwig a thief? Did he steal? Tell me! I've heard the talk from villagers. Some said he ran away before the issue could be settled. Others said he was so offended by the accusation that he left Ankatavaka in a huff. With no help from Kishpa, I learned that it was right after that time that my father died." He wrung his stubby hands, his eyes brilliant with anguish. "My mother went back to the village and met me when the ship brought me home, but I was very young then and I don't remember much. All I know was that she was always very sad after I returned. For a very long time, I thought I was the cause of her sadness."

Clotnik stared at his hands as if he might have done something with them to spare Yeblidod her agony.

Finally, he said, "My mother died within a year of my father's death."

Tanis shook his head sadly. "I didn't know. I'm sorry," he offered. "I liked her very much." He remembered her warm alto, the kindness of her touch.

"I've heard all about my mother," Clotnik said with a world-weary sigh. His voice was leaden. "I'm proud of her and think of her often. She left me that glass ball that I juggle. The one you caught in the Inn."

Tanis held his breath. "I remember," the half-elf said softly. "Please. Sit down. I'll tell you what I can."

Clotnik sat, his attention squarely on Tanis. The half- elf touched his fingertips to his lips, contemplating his words, and the dwarf leaned forward.

"If you want to know what kind of person your father was," spoke Tanis, "I can tell you this: He twice saved my life. Both times, Clotnik, he was in great peril or great pain-or both. The first time, he attacked a giant spider that was about to devour me. I would have perished if he hadn't diverted the monster's attention to himself."

Clotnik beamed with incipient pride. But he said nothing, seeming to want to avoid interrupting the narrative.

"The second time," Tanis continued, "he was mortally wounded, yet he dragged himself to my rescue, slaying a goblin who was about to strike me from behind." Tanis looked directly in Clotnik's eyes. "Do these sound like the actions of a bad man?"

The slanting amber light from the setting sun bathed Clotnik's face, his eyes sparkling with a pleasure that went far beyond the reflected glory of the bright orb in the western sky. No, Tanis thought, the reflected glory came from Mertwig. Clotnik seemed to sit straighter, hold his head more erect-even his ears seemed to droop less. He was seeing himself in a different way, Tanis realized; Clotnik had become the son of a hero. Tanis found himself envying the dwarf.

"He did all that?" the dwarf said in awe.

"That and more," Tanis replied, wishing he were describing his own father. "He was also protective of you and generous to your mother. His first impulse was to send you out of harm's way when there was fear of a human invasion. And he wanted only the best for your mother-even," he said without thinking, "when he couldn't afford it." He caught his breath, hoping Clotnik had missed the slip.

Borne up on this proud image of his father, Clotnik shook his head. "Then why wouldn't Kishpa tell me7 Why, when I asked him about the rumors, did he say he didn't know? He'd always change the subject."

"For a simple reason," Tanis said with a benevolent smile. "Kishpa really didn't know." Tanis did not add, however, that he was the only person to whom the dwarf told the truth, just moments before he died.

"I still don't understand," Clotnik said.

"What?"

The dwarf swung and faced Tanis again. The setting sun left him a silhouette to the half-elf. "If there were rumors about my father in Ankatavaka," Clotnik asked, "why didn't Kishpa stand up for him?"

Tanis bent over to peel a piece of wood from the log. He busied himself with pulling little chips of charred wood from the piece, then wiped his sooty hands on the sandy ground. "He stood up for you, didn't he?" Tanis answered, deflecting the question. "He took care of you all these years. Isn't that what Brandella said?"

"It's just strange," insisted the dwarf. "Kishpa took me in very soon after my mother died. Brandella had already disappeared, and I've always wondered if it was her loss that caused him to take me in. It seemed he needed someone to talk to. And me… I needed someone to listen to. He treated me as if I were his own. But when I grew and the stories persisted about my father, he took me away from Ankatavaka. We traveled all across Ansalon. We had no friends except each other and, to amuse myself and Kishpa, I learned to juggle."

"And you learned it well. No magic involved?"

"None at all," the dwarf said proudly. "I would not allow Kishpa to enchant the balls. Not even the glass one, though he begged me to let him."

Tanis found that he couldn't speak. "Kishpa was a good father to me. I just wish he would have let me enter his past; I would have loved to have seen my father, talked to him." The droopy-eared dwarf turned to Tanis in sudden contrition. "Forgive me I I never asked if you found your own father. Here I am, so concerned only with myself. I should have-" Tanis stemmed the rush of words with a wave of one tanned hand. "Don't apologize. Except for meeting Brandella-and that's a very large exception-I would much rather that you had gone to meet your father, too." "He was not what you'd hoped?" "He was not what anyone would have hoped," said Tanis dryly. "Sometimes it's better to imagine the truth." "But not in my case?" asked Clotnik. "No," said Tanis with a smile. "Not in your case." The dwarf leaned back, contented. The sim was nearly down, and dusk had settled over the land. "Brandella should be back soon," said Tanis. "Before she returns, tell me something." "Anything." "Why did Kishpa and Brandella part? You said something about her disappearing." "That's what he called it. He never spoke of it much. It seemed too painful to him. All he said was she had painted a picture of some kind that foretold a time when she would be taken away from him. And someone did, indeed, come and fetch her. He never saw her again." Tanis sat in stunned silence, the mystified expression on his face hidden by the enveloping darkness of night. It was that same darkness, however, that eventually began to trouble the half-elf. "Brandella should have been back by now," he said, rising to his feet. "Maybe I should make sure she's all right." "I'll show you the way," said Clotnik. They walked quietly through the night, making their way out of the glade and up the hill. When they reached the grave site, Brandella was gone.