The Acceptance

Chapter 3

As she traversed through dreary shadows, avoiding streetlamps and caustic denizens, Gaby festered on her damning misconceptions. So much wasted time, so many spent emotions that she didn’t have to spare.

After seeing Morty die—or thinking he had died—she’d given up writing her popular graphic novels. Because Mort had served as her contact to the publishing world, writing and illustrating the novels seemed pointless. Sending the completed novels to an unknown source could initiate unwanted exposure.

It was too risky.

But without an outlet for her pain and despair, a yawning, caliginous wasteland had split open inside her. At times it had felt alive, devouring her one painful bite at a time.

Knowing that Morty lived opened up endless possibilities. Stories ripe with both fabrication and fact winged through her beleaguered consciousness. An extant drive to put pen to paper conflicted with the urgent need to see Mort, to have his survival as a visual fact, not just a repeated truth.

A loud voice shattered her ruminations.

Up ahead, uncaring of who might see, an obese woman snatched up a stocky kid and shook him hard, berating him for following her.

The boy looked about ten.

He wanted his mamma; she wanted a john, possibly to pay for food, more likely because she was no more than a base whore lacking emotion for the well-being of her child.

Gaby’s heart wrenched, and she fought the urge to intercede. Only the truth that she couldn’t change the woman kept her away.

Sinking back against a wall, Gaby watched as the boy turned and, with a broken expression, ran away.

Just as she, at that age, had so many times run—even when there’d been nowhere to run to. Not until she’d been almost grown. Not until . . . Father.

For one awful, desperate moment, their initial meeting crept into her memories. If only she’d known him when she was that young and needy. If only he’d been there to help her deal with the duties heaped on an adolescent paladin.

But it wasn’t until she’d turned seventeen and was on the streets alone that Father found her. Whenever she thought of those desperate times, she again tasted the fear that filmed her throat and left its burning scum on her teeth and tongue. She felt the rippling agony of demand for action, and the incomprehension of what to do about it.

Father had stumbled upon her in her weakened state, and to his credit, he’d tried to help.

No one else had approached her, asked or listened. No one else had encroached at a time when her defenses were lost to her.

“What’s in your mind, child?”

The voice came from far away, biting into her agony. “Death. Death.”

“For yourself?”

The torment twisted her, bowed her body like a soul possessed. “No,” she whimpered. “For another.”

A cool hand touched her brow. She shied from the aberrant act of comfort.

“And that would be . . . ?”

“I don’t know his name.” Speaking of her sins, her darkest cravings, should have cast her straight to hell. Instead, it freed her. “He’s there. At the end of the alley.” She curled tighter, squeezing her arms around herself, begging herself to be silent, but the words erupted. “I don’t know why, but I need to destroy him.”

After a thoughtful pause, he said, “Wait here.”

The priest left her, as was right and proper. But within minutes, he returned. Without a word, he sat beside her in the abominable alley, uncaring of his robes or the refuse that surrounded her, that was her.

Finally, after a long time, he said, “You would truly kill him?”

“Yes. Oh God, yes.”

“I don’t see how.” He lifted her hair back, put his hand around her upper arm. “You’re so young, a small child . . .”

“I would rip him to shreds with my bare hands!” The demonic voice sounded like someone else, but just saying it sent a fire raging through her, making the pain wan beneath a surge of pernicious strength. She panted hard, looked at the priest and saw his shock, his fear, and his curiosity, perhaps even understanding.

Sickened, expecting the worst, she tried to turn away.

He held her face. “Look at me.”

And when she did, he said, “Do it.”

Permission energized her. The strength amassed, so powerful that she felt inhuman. Superhuman.

“If you can destroy him,” Father said with a calm that soothed her, “then you should, because my dear, no one else will.” He smiled, patted her cheek, and said without judgment, “I’ll wait here.”

“Gaby?”

She jerked. Still held by the bellicose nostalgia, she reacted on instinct. Grabbing her confronter, she put him in a deadly hold—and heard a choking laugh.

“God, Gaby, I’ve missed you,” the strangled voice said.

Mort. “You idiot!” She loosed him with a shove of temper. “Don’t you know better than to sneak up on me?”

“Sneak?” Even in the darkness, she could see his grin. “I almost walked into you, you’re standing there so still.” He threw his arms around her, and she was stunned by his strength.

Morty Vance, landlord and wannabe friend, had always been just shy of a complete wimp and a spineless worm.

Now he had muscle tone; Gaby could feel the new strength in his limbs. And he exuded . . . confidence.

What the hell? “Mort? Is that really you?”

Using the back of his hand, he swiped away a tear. Of happiness? Shit.

“Of course it’s me,” he said around a robust laugh, and he didn’t look the least bit self-conscious about weeping like an infant. “Luther called to say you were finally coming over, so I hurried out to meet you.”

“Luther called you?”

Ignoring her question, he let his gaze roam all over her. “I almost didn’t recognize you, Gaby, you look so different!” He held her at arm’s length. “Look at you!”

Feeling like a freak with the way he gawked, she shook him off. “Stop it.” Two gangly youths walking by tried to mean mug them, but one vengeful glance from her and they kept on going.

Mort beamed. “Same old Gaby where it counts, I see.”

Now what the hell did he mean by that? “I altered the façade a little, that’s all.” Changing clothes and hair had been necessary camouflage to help her blend in. “It’s nothing.”

“You have nice legs.”

Without even meaning to, Gaby surged up nose to nose with him, oozing menace and prickly beyond all measure. “Do you want me to demolish you?”

To her shock, he kissed her nose. “No.” Then he bear-hugged her again, and all Gaby could do was stand there, arms and legs stiff, head back as far as her neck would allow, as she suffered his excess of affection.

“Come on,” he said as he finally turned her loose. He clasped her hand. “Let’s go to my place so we can catch up.”

She didn’t budge. “I’m going to kill you, Mort.”

He laughed, held his hands out in surrender. “I’m sorry, Gaby. I really am. I know you’re not into public displays. It’s just that I really have missed you. Where did you go? Why did you leave me?”

Leave him? He smiled as he spoke, but a shitload of hurt shone in his pale blue eyes. He’d been her first friend.

Her only friend. Because he’d insisted. Little by little he’d forced his way in, and now he thought she’d abandoned him.

Gaby’s stomach burned with guilt, and she hated it. With all she’d done—the people she’d dismembered—hurting one landlord’s insignificant feelings shouldn’t factor in.

But it did.

Father was a confidante, a teacher, pseudo-family. But he hadn’t been as compassionate and caring, as . . . affectionate, as Mort.

Damn him for doing this to her.

Taking a cocky stance, she rolled her eyes. She meant to sound flippant, but instead, at the last second, the words emerged rife with aching loss. “I thought you were dead.”

He blinked hard and fast. “Dead?”

Out of her element, Gaby lashed out, thwacking him on the shoulder and turning to walk a wide circle. “You were caught in that damned abandoned hospital. It exploded. I saw you go down, Mort.”

“You’d already left.”

She shot around to face him. “I came back for you!”

“You did?”

It was too much. She hadn’t expected to feel this . . . this . . . whatever. She didn’t like it. And it was Mort’s fault.

“Fuck it.” She strode away, her long legs eating up the pavement—until Mort rushed around in front of her.

“I’m sorry.” His feet braced apart, expression forbidding, he blocked her. “I didn’t know.”

She couldn’t believe it. Had the world gone topsy-turvy on her? Composure slipping, she snarled, “Get out of my way.”

“No.”

“No?”

Mort’s scrawny chest expanded on a deep inhalation. “But Gaby, even if I had known what you thought, I couldn’t have done anything about it, could I? You walked away and I had no idea where to find you. I thought you had taken off for good.”

Still incredulous, she repeated, “No?”

He shook his head. “Please. Let’s go to my place and talk. Your room is still there. You can move back in—”

The groan erupted with volcanic force. Worse and worse. She didn’t want to hurt Mort again, but moving back was out of the question. Disgusted, she grabbed his hand and dragged him to the curb to sit. “Park it, Mort.”

He parked.

Pacing behind him didn’t do one damn thing for her temper, so she finally dropped down beside him. The short skirt, always an annoyance, rode up. But what the hell? It was too dark for anyone to see, and she didn’t give a flip anyway.

Putting her elbows on her knees, she let out a breath. “I can’t come back, Mort.”

“Why?”

Being questioned by anyone was as new as friendship. But she supposed it came hand in hand, so she cut Mort some slack. “I can visit, but I can’t live there. And no, don’t grill me. I can’t, and that’s that.”

“Where are you living now?”

“Over at the corner of Fifth and Elm.”

He drew back. “But that’s—”

Eyes narrowing, Gaby said, “Yes?”

With new insight, Mort took in her hair, the length of her exposed thigh, and he blanched. “No way.”

She punched his shoulder hard enough to nearly topple him off the curb. “Of course not.”

“It’s a disguise?”

“It’s me, a freak of nature, fitting in the best I can.” The only real disguise was her pretending to be a normal human.

“Oh, Gaby.” He started to hug her again, and she warned him off with a single look. He settled back and smiled. “You’re special, but you’re not a freak.”

“Says the dork.” She gave him a fond look. “I’m not sure you’re in a position to know a freak if you see one.”

“Maybe,” he agreed, accepting that he wasn’t a popular figure himself. “What I don’t get is, if you’ve been so close, how come Luther didn’t find you sooner? He’s sure been looking.”

“I know.”

It wouldn’t hurt to tell Mort a little about what she did, how she’d secured new quarters and a modicum of anonymity. Before they’d parted ways, Mort had witnessed some of what she did. He didn’t understand it all. He couldn’t. But he knew that she killed only when ordered to.

In whatever way necessary.

“You remember when I asked you about sex?”

Mort stiffened, looked around, scooted a few inches away. “Yeah, uh . . .”

“Oh, for crying out loud. Stop squirming. I already know what I need to know now, no thanks to you.”

His gulp could be heard above the normal night sounds.

Rolling her eyes, Gaby cut to the chase. “I was looking for a place to hole up when I heard a hooker fighting some guy. He’d tried to take the goods without paying, and she wasn’t happy about it.”

“Oh God.”

“I made him pay, that’s all.” Given her mood at the time, she’d reveled in the punishment more than she should have. The show had impressed the woman and later her friends, left them awed and feeling empowered. They saw her as their own superhero—and Gaby, in need of cover, hadn’t dissuaded them of that absurd notion.

To simplify all that, she said, “The woman appreciated my help.”

Mort’s incredulity hit her in waves. “I’ll just bet she did.”

“I don’t think anyone had defended her, in anything, for a very long time.”

“Which is probably why she’s making a living off the streets.” He gave her shoulder a brief squeeze. “Good for you, Gaby.”

Gaby well remembered the hooker’s esteem that prompted the offer of a place to rest up, and later an introduction to the rest of the girls who frequented that particular flophouse for prurient transactions.

Other offerings followed the initial gratefulness; fleshy proposals were proffered, some meant to show appreciation, some, oddly, from sincere interest. Most were in the way of a bartering tool for future services rendered.

Pity for the women, distracting concerns of her own, and a healthy interest in Luther, kept Gaby disinterested in anything physical with the women. They ribbed her, but respected her decision. Instead of sexual exchange, they’d worked out a deal that suited them all: Gaby got her meager rent paid on the upstairs room, and she protected the girls whenever need be.

“Anyway,” she said, getting back on track, “I stick around and when they need me to, I protect them, or collect for them.”

“And in the process, learn a few things?”

“You could say that.” Giving unnecessary attention to her nails, Gaby asked, “So how’s your business been?” Mort’s apartment building abutted a comic store that sold underground graphic novels, some, like her work, in high demand. Mort had no idea that his business kept her in business, and supplied her meager livelihood.

He accepted the change of topic with a great show of relief. “Slower than usual. I’m waiting for a new Servant novel to bring in the customers. It’ll be here soon, I hope.”

New to the whole friendship, sharing, chatting business, Gaby searched for more conversation, but came up empty. “Anything else going on?”

His shoulder touched hers with fond camaraderie. “I have a girlfriend now. I’d love for you to meet her.”

Gaby’s jaw went slack. No words came to her. Mort and girlfriend were two concepts she’d never envisioned aligned together.

Her lack of response didn’t slow down Mort. “You might have met her,” he enthused. “She’s a detective who works with Luther, and she’s beautiful.”

Still blank brained, Gaby waited.

He filled the silence. “Her name is Ann Kennedy. I really care about her.”

“Ann Kennedy.” Oh yeah, she knew that name. She’d seen the woman with Luther, and she’d felt . . . jealousy. It sucked big-time, mostly because an emotion like that had no place in her brain, or in her life. She wasn’t a woman fashioned for consociation of any kind, but a romantic alliance was out of the question.

Being a paladin meant being alone.

Having Mort as a friend was risky enough.

Being more than a friend to Luther could risk it all.

She squeezed her eyes shut. Denying it didn’t remove the yearning.

“Yeah,” Mort said, “Luther knows her.”

“You said that.” Luther had claimed they were only friends. If the woman had an interest in Mort, then obviously an earthbound seraph like Luther wasn’t her speed.

Some things in this fucked-up world never made sense.

“She’s blonde,” Mort continued, “slim, big dark eyes . . .”

Fashioning a gun with her fingers, Gaby shot herself in the head.

Mort laughed. “Come on, Gaby. Is it really so odd for me to have a significant other?”

“Damn straight, it is. But, hey, I’m happy for you anyway.” Unfortunately, she’d have even more reason to avoid Mort if he had a damn female cop hanging around him. But looking at Mort, at the soft yellow aura drifting around him, assured her of his optimism for this new relationship. He was content, if still a little shy, and Gaby couldn’t bring herself to quell his happiness in any way.

When she kept her visits few and far between, he’d figure out the situation on his own.

Obtuse to the inner workings of her mind, Mort put his hands to his knees and turned to her with buoyant exuberance. “Maybe we can double date sometime.”

Gaby’s wide eyes zeroed in on him and she nearly choked. He had to be joking.

“You know,” Mort prompted, taking her expression for confusion. “You and Luther, and me and Ann . . .”

“Ain’t happening, Mort. Not ever.” Shoving to her feet, anxious to get away, Gaby said, “Look, I gotta go.” She needed to be by herself so she could digest all the frivolous changes pervading her structured and severe existence.

“Already?” He hovered close, as if by his mere proximity he could keep her there.

She stepped away from him—away from temptation. “Yeah. I just wanted to drop by to—”

His solemn gaze caught hers. “To tell me you thought I was dead?”

“Well . . . yeah.” Her brows beetled. “Usually word on the street is reliable, but I haven’t heard shit about you, so I had no reason to believe that you’d survived.”

He kicked at a small rock by his feet. “I’ve been busy with Ann, but we mostly stay in. I figured it was best to lie low for a while.”

“Lie low?”

He shrugged. “I wasn’t sure if anyone was looking for you or not. Other than Luther, I mean. He’s been going nuts looking for you.”

“Yeah?” Not that it mattered, but still . . .

“He’s grilled me a dozen times. That was bad enough—I didn’t need anyone else questioning me. I didn’t want to take a chance on screwing up our story or anything.”

A shifting shadow caught Gaby’s attention, and she looked across the street at an abandoned, tireless car in the unlit lot of a failed business. It looked as if it had been there some time. “Well, it’s old news now, and Luther already found me. If anyone else bothers you, send him my way.”

A faint shift in what should have been a stationary shadow made her eyes narrow. Someone lurked there. She sensed it.

Given she had no divine warnings raping her body, Gaby decided it wasn’t the worst of corruption, not the truest of evil.

Not the evil she hunted.

But all the same, she sensed a malicious cretin. Through the onerous years, Gaby had learned to trust her prescience, and knowing she was about to engage intoxicated her.

To protect Mort from any fallout, Gaby moved in front of him. “Stay back.”

With panic filling his voice, Mort asked, “What is it? What’s wrong?”

“Don’t know yet.” Going still inside, collecting her sui generis abilities around her, Gaby stared across the way into the aphotic lot. She willed the vague shapes of re-fuse into recognizable forms. The car was a good distance from them, but after a time of concentration, Gaby picked out a hunkered, human form.

Before the thought had finished forming, she had her knife in her hand. “Something is about to happen, Mort.” Her heartbeat thickened with excitement. “Maybe you should go.”

He stunned her by saying, “Not on your life.”

Lacking time to argue, Gaby said, “Then stay the fuck out of my way. I’ll try not to hurt him, but he doesn’t share the same intent toward me, and this could get vicious.”

Moving the threat away from Mort the best she could, Gaby stepped out to the street just in time to meet the nigrescent apparition charging toward her. A macabre mask of sunken eyes and distorted, gaping mouth concealed the attacker’s face. Dark clothing obscured the body type.

A stray beam of moonlight reflected off a long, heavy pipe swinging from one substantial arm.

Oh yeah. This fellow meant business.

He meant to maim her—or more.

Perfect.

Satisfaction aggrandized, sending a flow of torrid anticipation through Gaby. She braced her booted feet apart, flexed her rock-steady knees, and whispered, “God, I needed this. Thank you.”

In the next instant, the pipe came crashing down toward her with thunderous force. Reflexes on automatic, Gaby ducked the pipe before bringing her elbow back hard and fast. She smashed it into the masked face, heard the crunching of nose cartilage, and waited to see if that would end the fight.

A rank curse brought a brief pause, but didn’t quell the attack. The pipe swung again, and again missed her. She was too fast, too agile for the likes of this cretin.

This time Gaby kicked out a knee, and watched the attacker’s leg buckle. He almost fell, stumbled instead, and took another vicious swing at her head.

An enthusiastic opponent, for sure.

Determined and stupid.

Leaving her few choices in the matter.

The weapon hit the paved street with a deafening clash. She thought she might have heard Mort scream, but she tuned out all distractions to get in the zone, to deal with this threat.

To . . . destroy it.

Taking advantage of the assailant’s bludgeoned state, Gaby brought her blade straight up—and felt it burst through vessels, fat, and muscle.

She joined her hands together, pushed hard and deep, and experienced the satisfying sensation of deflecting off a bone.

An agonized scream rang out, this one from the man pierced by her blade.

Thanks to his persistence in trying to do her harm, it was even easier to ignore than Mort’s distress.

Tugging out the knife against the natural resistance, the suck and drag of wet, fibrous flesh, Gaby stepped to the side and, for only a heartbeat, waited.

As she assumed, her strike ended the fight.

The clunky pipe dropped to the ground with a clattering echo. Her adversary’s knees buckled. The body slumped.

Disappointed that she’d had to use such extreme measures, Gaby muttered, “That was hardly worth the effort.”

Gigging this son of a bitch had done little to alleviate her burgeoning belligerence.

The recondite disguise served no purpose now, but what did she care who her attacker might be? Craven souls, both insignificant and exalted, crawled over the surface of the earth with annoying sedulousness.

The more Gaby accepted her life’s duty, the more she relished taking on them all, with or without God’s specific mandate.

No, she didn’t care who this inconsequential gnat might be.

But Mort did. Creeping closer, he asked, “Good God, Gaby. Who is that?”

Knife still in her hand, now crimson with gore, Gaby shrugged her tense shoulders. She kicked the fallen figure with the toe of her boot. “Hey, my friend wants a name.”

She said it, and then it struck her all over again.

Her friend.

Would she ever get entirely used to the concept?

Mort wanted details on this attack because he cared for her. She sensed his misguided tendency to protect her—never mind that, moments before, he’d screeched like a little girl.

As a dark puddle of blood blossomed around him, the assailant slumped to his side in a protective curl more appropriate to the womb than a dirty street.

Voice shaking, faint, he said, “Carver hired me . . . to kill . . . you.”

“Yeah?” Gaby knelt down, curiosity now piqued. “You failed big-time, huh?”

In a barely audible whisper, the man said, “He’ll kill me now.”

“Nah, I doubt it. You’ll be dead before he can get to you.”

Mort said, “Gaby,” with a lot of worry. “Why would anyone want you dead?”

“I don’t know.” She nudged the man. “How come he sent you after me?”

There was a strange gurgle, then the body went flat, sprawled on the pavement, limp and still.

She looked back at Mort. “Think you ought to call someone before he really does expire?”

Mort chewed his bottom lip, his brows pinched. “I suppose.” But he didn’t rush to do it, further surprising Gaby. “He wanted to kill you, Gaby. He tried to cleave your head open with that pipe.”

“Shake it off, Mort. The clown wasn’t even close.” She stood again and held out her hand. “Give me the phone.”

With grave reluctance, he said, “No, I’ll do it. You need to clean that knife.”

“True.” Bending at the waist, she jerked off the man’s ridiculous mask, saw a face gone slack in near death, and said, “I don’t recognize him. You?”

Shaking his head hard, Mort said, “No.” He looked at Gaby. “Who’s Carver?”

“No one important.” She used the mask to clean off as much of the blood and gore as she could. To the naked eye, the knife looked spotless. The naked eye wasn’t good enough. Soon as possible, she’d do a thorough job.

She slid the weapon back into her sheath.

“You should probably go,” Mort told her.

Not a bad idea, really. As he punched in 911, she asked, “What will you say?”

“That I couldn’t see much, but after the fight broke up and a body was on the ground, I figured I’d better call.” He held up a finger, and spoke into the phone. “Hey, yeah, I have an emergency. Yeah, a guy’s been stabbed. He’s hurt real bad, might even be dead.”

Gaby marveled at the lack of emotion in his tone. Sure, he’d screamed out during the attack. But after that, he’d quickly gathered himself.

The Mort she used to know would have been a nervous wreck after witnessing an altercation that resulted in a limp, bleeding body.

This Mort took charge, accepting that some things were inevitable—and necessary.

After giving the police their general location, Mort disconnected the call.

He’d impressed her, and it took a lot to do that these days. “Thanks, Mort.”

“Thank you. For coming back. For being my friend.” He turned solemn, distraught, far too grave. “Thank you for doing what others won’t. What they can’t.”

“If you get maudlin, I’m smacking you.”

The corner of his mouth kicked up, and for the very first time since meeting him, Gaby thought he might not be such a slimy-looking little guy.

Confidence, control, changed his appearance as much as a summons changed hers.

“No, I won’t,” he said. “But I’ve thought about you a lot, Gaby, about the burden you bear.”

She reared back, threatening him, and Mort laughed before holding up his hands in surrender. “Fine. I know you don’t need my thanks. Now go before they get here. And make sure you scrub that knife clean.”

Bossing her? He really had changed. “I know what to do.”

Silent, he walked beside her toward an oppressive alley no doubt filled with more human vermin. “We need to know why Carver wants you dead.”

What the hell? Gaby glared at him. “Wrong, Mort. We don’t need to know anything. Go back to your place and visit with your girlfriend. Forget about this.”

His sigh was loud enough to send a rat scurrying away. “Gaby—”

“I can take care of myself, and you know it. As for Carver, you can leave that numb-nut to me.”

Drawing back, Mort stared at her with disapproval. “You know why he’s after you, don’t you?”

Good God. Bossing, questions—was there no end to his intrusion? “You want me to go, or stick around to chat with the cops?”

Frustration put back his scrawny shoulders. “Go. But, Gaby? Promise you’ll come to see me again.”

“Yeah, sure. Eventually.” It wasn’t a lie. She’d be back.

After she wrote the rest of the newest Servant novel.

And had a little one-on-one chat with Carver.

And met again with Luther . . .

“Damn,” she said, only half under her breath, “having friends can be a pain in the ass.”

Mort smiled, lifted a hand to wave, and when she was almost out of range to hear, he said, “I love you, too, Gaby.”

She nearly tripped over her own feet.

A masked man with a pipe hadn’t fazed her.

Mort’s affection, on the other hand, scared her half to death.