The Age of Zeus

55. CONGRESS

"W ine?" said Dionysus. He proffered a carafe of red.

"Thanks," said Ramsay, "but no."

"Mind if I help myself?"

"You go right ahead."

The two Olympians were one side of a small table, the three Titans the other. The room had been set aside specially for this congress. Congress of a different kind could be heard going on all around, muffled grunts and groans and gasps echoing through the walls.

Sam still couldn't get her head round the notion that she was sitting less than a couple of metres away from two of the enemy. She found herself longing for her battlesuit, for the invulnerability that came with being Tethys. Longing for a weapon, too. Just in case.

"Wine clouds most men's judgement," said Dionysus, quaffing liberally, "but mine it clarifies. Claret, especially, clarifies." He tittered at his little bon mot, and quaffed some more.

"So," said Aphrodite. "Three of our foes. Hmm." She appraised. Sam appraised back. Aphrodite really was one of the most beautiful women she had ever seen. Even close up, there were no flaws. Pristine skin, clear eyes, full lips, a toned but still curvaceous body. She tried to hate her but could only envy. She wondered what this ravishing creature made of the comparatively plain Sam Akehurst. To someone as perfect as Aphrodite, did everyone else look disfigured, malformed?

"I'm more impressed than I thought I was going to be," Aphrodite said at last. "Three ordinary people — I mean no disrespect by that — ordinary, seemingly unremarkable, and yet you have caused us no end of trouble. Brave, too. To come here tonight, unarmed. What makes you think this isn't a trap?"

"What makes you think we don't think it is and we're not prepared?" Sam replied.

"Ah, the spokesperson. The other two defer to you, I can see that. I like a woman who takes charge. I like your hair, too. Such a striking shade of red."

"Thank you," Sam said, then rued it. She wasn't here to accept compliments about her looks.

"Natural as well," Aphrodite went on. "You don't get coppery highlights like that out of a bottle."

"Listen," Sam said. "I'm well aware what you're capable of, Aphrodite, and if I detect the slightest hint of funny business, if I even suspect that you're trying to snake-charm me and my colleagues, I have this." She produced a rape alarm from her bag. "Hundred and fifty decibel siren. It'll drown you out and give us plenty of time to make an exit. Same goes for you, Dionysus. Any of us starts to feel the least bit merry or light-headed, then these come into play." She uncapped a tampon holder and tipped out a couple of small, single-use hypodermics with a clear liquid inside. They were part of the Titans' array of countermeasures, a specific defence against Dionysus, and Ramsay had pocketed a few of them before leaving Bleaney. "Solute epinephrine, with added cortisol to speed up the absorption rate. Enough of a dose to negate the effect of your intoxication power, at least until we can get out of range. So, if you want to discuss the possibility of a truce, fine, let's discuss it. The first whiff of treachery, and this is over."

Dionysus and Aphrodite glanced at one another.

"Well-prepared," she said.

"And so businesslike," he said, somewhat reproachfully.

"Not everyone has your laidback attitude, Dionysus." Aphrodite turned to Sam. "My admiration for you increases. May we know your names? What should we call you?"

"Tethys," Sam said. "And he's Hyperion, she's Mnemosyne."

"Titans," Aphrodite said, quick as a flash. "Of course. The ancient enemy. Obvious. Apt. But how about some real names?"

"You give us yours, we'll give you ours."

"You know ours. Dionysus, Aphrodite."

"No, that's who you want everyone to think you are. You were born human. You know that."

"I was born from the sea," Aphrodite said. "When Cronus cast Uranus's severed genitals into the ocean, the waves swirled and foamed around them, and I emerged fully-formed from that foam."

"Whereas I was born not once but three times," said Dionysus. "First, to my mother Semele, a princess of Thebes, whom Zeus impregnated. She died while I was still in the womb so Zeus removed me from her body and sewed me up inside his thigh, a second womb where I grew to term. Then as a child I was killed, at the behest of jealous Hera, by none other than the Titans, the real ones. They rent me limb from limb, roasted me and ate me, but Athena and Zeus buried my heart and my other remains and Rhea re-combined the parts and brought me back to life, my third birth. Thus, like the grapevine dying each winter and flourishing again each spring, I can be seen to embody the cycle of death and resurrect-"

"Yeah, yeah," said Ramsay. "This isn't you talking. This is stuff outta some Greek myth textbook."

"I assure you — Hyperion, is it? — I assure you, Hyperion, I speak nothing but fact."

"And Athena sprang from Zeus's brow," said Sam, "and Hera gave birth to Hephaestus through parthenogenesis, in retaliation for Zeus not conceiving Athena with her, and so on and so on. All these old stories, they're not true, and they're not how you Olympians really came to be."

"Oh?" said Aphrodite, narrowing her starry-lashed eyes. "And how did we come to be, if not in those ways which the poets and bards have long enshrined in song?"

Sam studied the two of them. She was usually pretty good at spotting liars, and neither was giving any of the telltale signs. Yet they were no more genuinely Dionysus and Aphrodite than Xander Landesman was genuinely Zeus. Did they not understand that they were impostors? And if not, how not?

Not germane to the matter at hand, said the voice of DI Prothero in the back of her mind.

"It doesn't matter," she said, "and anyway it's off-topic. You two put out word that you wanted a friendly meeting with us."

"Yes," said Dionysus. "How did you get to hear? Was it directly from one of the Lotus Eaters? No point cultivating an association with these people if we can't put them to work for us every once in a while."

"I'd rather not say." In the event, the message had come via a roundabout route, from a Lotus Eater who was an acquaintance of Landesman's. According to Ramsay, the Lotus Eater had mentioned it in passing during a phone conversation — an invitation from Dionysus and Aphrodite to their anonymous opponents to come for a parley — and Landesman had in turn mentioned it to Lillicrap, who'd just happened to let it slip to a tech within earshot of Ramsay. Ramsay had no idea whether the last had been a setup deliberately contrived by Landesman or just mere happenstance. Either way, he'd decided that here was an opportunity too good to pass up.

"We get to scope out two of the opposition at first hand," he'd told Sam, "and if it turns out the Olympians really are desperate for peace, then we'll know for sure that we've got 'em scared." A tap of his forehead. "The mental edge."

For her part, Sam had begun to wonder whether a truce might not be the best solution available. A compromise, yes, but better than the alternative, which was a war of attrition she didn't believe the Titans could win.

"Would I be right in thinking," she continued, "that you're doing this without Zeus's permission?"

"Without even his knowledge," said Dionysus, rubbing his head in such a way that he accidentally nudged his wreath of entwined vine stems. For the rest of the meeting it sat cocked at an angle, no longer the dignified symbol of dominion. "This is purely our own initiative, mine and Beautiful-Buttocked Aphrodite's. You don't mind me using that particular epithet, do you, Aphrodite?"

"There are worse."

"Mighty Zeus would strike us down with a thunderbolt if he got wind of what we're up to," Dionysus went on. "He is consumed utterly with hatred of you people. He shan't be content until you're all dead. You should hear him ranting on about you. Your hubris! Your impiety! Ares and Athena are absolutely on his side, as is Hera, of course, and the Twins. Hades too. Even Aphrodite's husband Hephaestus spits tacks whenever the subject of you comes up on Olympus, as you can imagine happens quite often."

"We two," said Aphrodite, "like to think we're more reasonable than the rest of the Pantheon. More kindly disposed toward mortals, as well. We're actually rather fond of you lot, on the whole."

"Both of us like a bit of fun," said Dionysus, "and don't you mortals too? After all, without intoxicants and fornication, how dull would life be? Our Lotus Eaters understand that. One needs to let go from time to time, go wild, take leave of one's senses, otherwise existence is an airless tomb that slowly suffocates."

"Dionysus the Blossoming and I believe," said Aphrodite, "that you — you Titans, as we now know to call you — and we Olympians could keep going at one another hammer and tongs, and all that will result will be just more unpleasantness, more bloodshed, more deaths. There is another way. There must be. Hopefully, you and we can establish some common ground here this evening. We can lay the foundation for further talks in which we can work out a way for Olympians and Titans to coexist. What, for example, is your ultimate goal? Tell us. Perhaps it's something that can be achieved through negotiation rather than conflict."

"Killing all of you is our ultimate goal," Ramsay said.

Aphrodite's lip curled delicately at his bluntness. "But say you accomplish that, Hyperion. Unlikely, but say you do. Then?"

"Then, speaking for myself, I retire to the West Indies and spend the rest of my days deep-sea fishing, drinking pina coladas out of coconut shells and reggae dancing with girls with big round behinds."

"And you, Mnemosyne?"

"Get on with my life again. Maybe run a delicatessen. That was my dream as a little girl."

"What about you, Tethys?"

"I don't have a plan as such," said Sam. "Haven't thought that far ahead."

"Some might call that a lack of foresight. Others, a lack of confidence."

"I'd call it being pragmatic."

"And as a group do you Titans have a strategy for what happens if you do destroy us? Can you imagine how a post-Pantheonic world would operate?"

"Can you?"

"I don't have to. There will be no such thing. We're immortal. We will rule for ever."

"Immortal, yet you can be killed."

"Hercules was only a demigod."

"And Hermes?"

"He hasn't been confirmed dead."

"But you fear death. You don't like it when people come gunning for you. You retaliate hard."

"A natural reaction. Nobody, not even a god, wishes to be hurt or harmed."

"I have already died once," Dionysus said, "as I explained just now. I have no great desire to repeat the experience."

"You believe all of this stuff, don't you?" Sam said. "You're thoroughly convinced you're divine beings."

"Belief implies the absence of fact," Aphrodite replied. "I don't need to be convinced of anything about myself. One look in the mirror is all it takes. I am Aphrodite, Laughing Aphrodite, Aphrodite the Dark-Eyed, the Silver-Footed and, yes, the Beautiful-Buttocked. I have always been, will always be. I fear, however, that this digression isn't getting us anywhere. Calling my and Dionysus's godhood into question may be childishly satisfying for you but it's hardly diplomacy, and that, after all, is what we're here for, isn't it? Diplomacy? Otherwise I might act undiplomatically myself and point out that there's a certain irony in someone who calls herself Tethys but knows she really isn't accusing someone of not being Aphrodite who knows she really is."

"I'm glad to hear you wouldn't do that."

"Love is forgiveness," said Aphrodite, with magnanimous grace, "and I am the goddess of love."

"So," said Dionysus, "is there any way we can persuade you that not trying to kill us might be a good idea?" The wine was starting to take effect. His speech had begun to slur: sho, pershuade, ush. "Can we tempt you with something? Is it money you want? Land? A kingdom to rule over yourselves? I'm sure it could be arranged. Perhaps you'd like Britain. We could afford to let you have it, I'm sure. Nice enough place, bit too damp for my liking and no viniculture to speak of, but architecturally impressive and the British, as a race, have a scrappy tenacity that one can admire if not necessarily warm to. All we'd have to do is ask Bartlett to step down and have you installed in his place. Not difficult. Would that suit?"

"Throw in Outer Mongolia and you've got yourself a deal," said Ramsay.

"Really? Oh. No. I see. Flippancy."

"I was going for sarcasm but, hey, flippancy'll do."

"We're not in this for material gain, Dionysus," said Sam. "If you want to offer us something, how about unconditional surrender?"

Dionysus almost popped with laughter. "What, we shuffle off to Olympus and stay there for ever and never bother anyone again?" he said, refilling his glass for the third time.

"Pretty much."

"And who would keep an eye on things? Who would suppress the oppressors and tame the tyrants and generally keep humankind on the straight and narrow? Because, let me tell you, if it weren't for us this world would be in a very sorry state indeed. You surely couldn't expect us to sit on our hands and do nothing while injustice and inequality and greed and environmental despoliation all rear their ugly heads again. With our powers? Our strength? What is the point of us if not to save you from your own worst impulses?"

"The point of gods, surely, is not to punish people for doing wrong but encourage people to do right by setting an example," Sam said. "Gods should be an inspiration, something to aspire to, not a bunch of bullies throwing their weight around."

"Jesus Christ and that Mohammed fellow certainly claimed as much," Dionysus said, "but then they were men mediating on behalf of a supreme being, trying to reconcile his will with human hopes, and when you get down to it that monotheistic deity of theirs was hardly a poster boy for virtue and tolerance, now was he? Floods. Plagues. Ferocious edicts against homosexuals and women. Ring any bells?"

"But you could be different. You could be the first gods truly deserving of worship. Instead of just slaughtering anyone who disagrees with you or opposes you, you could show compassion and forbforb- What's the damn word?"

"Forbearance?"

"That's the one." Sam paused to check on herself. Was Dionysus bringing his power to bear on her, fuddling her wits, or had she merely misplaced a word she was looking for, as you did from time to time? She felt OK, she thought. Heart rate a little elevated, which was only to be expected, but otherwise normal. The hypos were within easy reach. Proceed, then, with caution. "Forbearance. You could take a constructive rather than destructive approach. Help out. Be kind." She looked significantly at Aphrodite. "Show love."

"Love must sometimes be stern," Aphrodite said. "A mother must chide and scold, no matter how profoundly she adores her children — because she adores them and wants them to learn rules and manners and do themselves no harm."

"What was the Obliteration, then?" said Ramsay. "Hell of a chiding, if you ask me, and it wasn't even like Hong Kong had done anything to offend you."

"An example had to be set. A city was chosen, one that had prestige and status and seemed to embody everything that mortals hold dear: wealth, ambition, success, acquisitiveness. We had to demonstrate exactly what we were capable of and how far we'd be prepared to go to subdue resistance and bring peace."

"At a cost of seven million lives?" said Sam.

"Any fewer and you might not have sat up and taken notice. And they had to be civilians, because up until then the Pantheon had caused tens of thousands of military casualties and nobody seemed any too bothered by that. The Obliteration was expedience, on a necessarily grand scale."

"And you wonder why we hate you," Mahmoud seethed, "why we want to depose you. To talk so coolly about a massacre, a holocaust…"

Aphrodite aimed a placid look at her. "Have you ever owned a pet?"

"No. Why?"

"If you'd owned a pet, you'd know that if it becomes terminally ill, the kindest thing you can do is have it put down. It grieves you but it must be done. That is how we felt about the Obliteration — tragic but unavoidable, an act of love that would appear, on the surface at least, cruel, but was well intentioned. We love you mortals. Truly, we do. We want only what's best for you."

"And you determine what's best," said Sam.

"Someone has to. You seem so incapable of doing it yourselves."

Sam rose.

"Oh," said Dionysus, wine glass halfway to lips. "Are we done? So soon? I thought we all seemed to be getting along."

"I've given you our terms," Sam said. "You Olympians stand down. You no longer interfere. In return, we leave you be."

"You drive a hard bargain," said Aphrodite. "No concessions? No room for manoeuvre? We can't make a counteroffer? It's that or nothing?"

"Believe me, this is me being generous. Go and tell Zeus what's on the table."

"He won't like it," said Dionysus.

"Use your influence on him, both of you."

"We wouldn't dare to."

"Then try appealing to his good nature, if he has one. It's for your own good, yours and the whole Pantheon's."

"We will at least consider it," said Aphrodite. "I promise we will give it great thought. Won't we, Dionysus? We will also sound out the Cloud-Gatherer, circumspectly, to see if there's any likelihood at all of him budging in his viewpoint. If I know my nephew, there won't be, but we can always hope. And maybe, in a day or so, we can meet up again?"

"Maybe."

"How should we get in touch with you? Passing messages via the Lotus Eaters isn't the most reliable method of communication. If you were to let us have a phone number…?"

Sam deliberated. "I don't know."

"We won't try and trace it, if that's what you're worried about. I swear."

Finally she relented. She scribbled her mobile number down on a scrap of paper. A mobile was less easily traced than a landline, and as long as she kept the conversation brief she doubted Argus would have time to pinpoint her whereabouts.

Before handing the scrap of paper to Aphrodite she said, "The Olympians keep the world honest through fear. Perhaps the Titans can keep the Olympians honest the same way. Perhaps that's the best we can hope for, detente, a balance of power, a kind of new Cold War."

Aphrodite, in answer, flashed a white and dazzling smile.

Even her teeth were perfect. The bitch.