The Apostate's Tale

Chapter 28

It took two days and a little more for everything to be sorted out.

Sister Cecely, to no one’s surprise, made trouble over Edward. She cried out that he was hers and she would consent to nothing, nothing, nothing about him.

Frevisse, sent by Abbot Gilberd to deal with her, had told her coldly, “You may agree to this, or what is done with him will be done without your consent. And I will move Abbot Gilberd to change his mind and leave you here, to us, through the time of your punishment.”

Those threats were blunt enough that even Cecely could not simple-wit herself away from understanding them, and being deep in hatred of St. Frideswide’s and short on thought of what might be worse than here, she had signed the agreement that released Edward’s wardship to the Rowcliffes.

Frevisse had asked her then if she felt guilt for what she had brought on Alson and Alson’s brother, almost certain of the answer but wanting to hear it; and Cecely had given a harsh, short, angry laugh and said, “It’s their fault they were found out. They didn’t do as I said, did they? She didn’t take what I told her she should, and he didn’t give Symond enough.”

“You truly wanted to kill Symond Hewet?

“Of course I did! Him and his lies.”

“His lies?”

“Guy never betrayed our secret. He never would have done that to me. Symond is a liar. When Alson told me her brother had heard Symond saying that-”

Cecely had broken off, fury twisting her face, her hands clenching and unclenching in her lap, and Frevisse had left her, sad at the foolishness of it all, at the arrant, persevering stupidity of a life lived entirely by lies. Lies that Cecely had chosen to tell herself and was still choosing to tell, rather than have anything to do with the truth.

Later, at the end of that first day of trying to sort matters to sense, Frevisse had said something of her thoughts to Dame Claire during the hour before Compline when they were walking together around the cloister walk, and Dame Claire had shaken her head sadly and said, “So with all her lying about everything, she’s been lying to herself as well as us.”

But Frevisse had found herself hesitating rather than agreeing, then finally saying slowly, “I don’t know that she did.”

“You just said,” Dame Claire said patiently, “that everything she’s said has been a lie, from beginning to end.”

Not her love for Guy, Frevisse thought. That had likely been true enough, as far as it went. Although that was probably not very far, there being too little of Sister Cecely for anything to go far and certainly for nothing ever to go very deep. But still slowly, Frevisse said, “I mean I don’t think it’s always deliberate lying with her. She brings herself to believe that what she wants to believe is true. Having brought herself to believe it’s true, she believes it completely and so isn’t lying when she says a thing. She believes it. The lying came earlier, when she lied herself into that belief.”

And she and Dame Claire had looked across the cloister to the shut door of Cecely’s cell, with Frevisse more aware than she had ever been of the pity of it all.

And Cecely in her darkness, companioned only by her anger.

By more than anger.

By rage.

Burning, helpless rage.

At everyone who had worked to ruin her.

At all of them for being alive when Guy was not.

At Guy for being dead.

At God for letting every one of her careful plans be broken.

Thought-blurring rage at all the unfairness of her life, but with nothing left that she could do except sit ripping, one by one, the pages from the breviary until it lay in a ruined pile on the floor around her feet.

With nothing left to do then but to sit and wait until they came for her.

Hating all of them for all the wrongs they’d done her.

Mistress Lawsell left, not graciously, on the morning of the second day. Abbot Gilberd had had her in long talk, and Elianor remained behind, soon to put on the plain black gown and white veil of a novice.

Master Breredon looked likely to be able to travel in a day or so.

The Rowcliffes would be staying longer because of Symond, only very slowly recovering.

At some time Frevisse did not know, Alson and Tom Pye were set free, taken to the priory’s outer gateway, and told not to be seen here ever again.

So, with one thing and another, it was the late forenoon of the third day before Abbot Gilberd finally left. Cecely was given chance to say farewell to her son in the guesthall yard, with the abbot and all his retinue looking on. Warned by Abbot Gilberd to make it brief and keep a curb on her tongue, she said little, took Edward in a smothering embrace, stroked his hair once, then turned away and did not look back at him as she went to her horse.

Edward stood for a small, forlorn moment looking at her back, then turned and ran across the guesthall yard and up the steps and into the guesthall where the Rowcliffes were keeping quietly from sight.

A few minutes later Abbot Gilberd and all his men and Dame Elisabeth and Cecely rode in a clatter of hoofs out of the gateway and were gone, leaving St. Frideswide’s in quiet at last.

And in that quiet Frevisse stood alone at the window in the prioress’ chamber, looking out on the empty yard. Simply stood. In the room that was now hers.

The only vote against her in the election yesterday had been her own.

The ceremony that made her prioress had been this morning.

And here she was. Where she had never wanted to be.

Domina Frevisse, prioress of St. Frideswide’s.