The Backup Asset

…36

Alex curled up on her couch in the semi-darkness of her living room. The dusk projected long shadows on the walls, but she didn’t turn on the lights or close her curtains. She welcomed the nightfall in her home to match the gloom in her heart.

She’d kept the word given to herself and slept on her resolution, avoiding any rash decisions. A full day of anguish and pain had passed since she had her eye-opening conversation with Tom. Despite her sleeping on it, the decision remained the same. She had to regain control of her life and clean up her own mess. The decision felt right rationally; it was the logical thing to do, but broke her heart.

A rebel tear rolled on her cheek. She wiped it with the back of her hand, just as the doorbell rang.

“Yeah, come right in,” she said, not moving.

Steve walked through the door, a frown of concern replacing the smile on his face as soon as he took in the details of what he was seeing. He reached for the light switch on the wall, but she stopped him.

“Leave it off,” she said.

“All right,” he said in a pacifying tone. “You left your door unlocked again, and we—”

“Save it,” she cut him off bluntly. “Take a seat somewhere; this isn’t gonna take long.”

He seemed to turn pale, but she couldn’t be sure; it was quite dark in the room. He sat in the armchair across from her and remained silent, waiting.

She let the silence match the darkness for a while, thick, bothersome. When she spoke, her voice was broken and quiet, whispers hiding sobs that were pressing to come out.

“We have to part ways, Steve. We’re over.”

He jumped on his feet and came toward her. She raised her palm outward, stopping him.

“Don’t. Please. It’s hard enough as it is.”

“Then why do it, Alex? What’s wrong?”

“It was a mistake to mix our work with a relationship, an idiotic rookie mistake. We both knew better,” she articulated with difficulty. “We both knew there was no way this could end well, despite how we feel.”

“What happened?” Steve asked in a soft voice.

“You betrayed me, that’s what happened.”

The surprise on his face was genuine.

“What you see in my house,” she clarified, “when you come visit, is private. It’s mine and only mine. My secrets, that I chose to share with you, were mine and only mine, yet you chose to share them with others without my permission.”

“But it’s Tom we’re talking about,” Steve said, gently. “Tom only wants what’s best for you, and so do I. We’re all worried.”

“I need to be in control of my life, Steve,” she said, wiping another tear with the back of her hand. “Tom is also my boss, you’re forgetting that. You jeopardized my job, my existence.”

“Tom would never fire you—”

“It’s not about that, and yes, given enough reason, he would,” she interrupted. “He’s not running a daycare; he’s got a business to run. Maybe I’m too new at this, or maybe I don’t feel so confident anymore. In any case, I need to regain full control of my life.” She paused for a few seconds, closing her eyes. “And that means letting you go,” she whispered.

“Alex, I’m sorry, I promise I’ll ne—”

“It’s too late, Steve, I’m sorry. I fell in love with you and I made excuses; I rationalized how we’re not gonna be a cliché; not us, ’cause we’re so much better than everyone else is. We’re not gonna fall into the traps of doomed office relationships, not us. But we did, we did exactly that.”

His head hung, and he clasped his hands together, in an unspoken plea. She stifled another sob.

“After yesterday, I could never trust you again, not like before, and my heart would ache for that kind of trust, for that loss. I would have to lie to you, hide from you. It would slowly ruin our relationship, putting us through more pain than either of us can handle.”

He looked at her silently, unable to say a word, the sadness in his blue eyes speaking in his place.

“I’m sorry, Steve, I really am.” She wiped another tear with her sleeve, then said in an agonizing voice, “Please, go now.”

He approached her slowly and took her hand, holding it gently. She didn’t turn to look at him; she just continued to stare into the thickening darkness.

“There’s one thing that neither Tom nor I were going to tell you, but I think you should hear it anyway. This obsession you have with your elusive Russian terrorist, your stubbornness to accept that the case is closed, is who you are: dedicated, persistent, driven. The fact that saving a few lives and catching a few terrorists just isn’t good enough for you, well, that’s what makes you who you are. That’s what makes you great, what makes you special. That’s what makes you so damn good at what you do. But that’s also what could destroy you. And we just couldn’t sit idle and let it happen… we’re here for you. I’m here for you… always.”

He placed a gentle kiss on her hand, then let it go. She still didn’t look at him; she couldn’t.

He turned away and walked out, closing the door behind him silently, after releasing the auto lock on her deadbolt.

She heard his car start and pull away from her driveway. Soon thereafter came a deafening silence, the time for her to mourn her loss.