The Barnum Museum: Stories

KLASSIK KOMIX # 1

Cover. The cover is glossy and catches the light. Bright orange fish with big eyes and curving eyelashes swim among rubbery plants, dark red and dark green, that rise from the ocean floor. All the eyes are looking down. In the yellow sand a creature part crustacean and part man is lying on his stomach. He is wearing a long-tailed blue coat and a high white collar, and his light brown hair is lifted in the green water. Two immense orange-brown claws grow from his shoulders and sweep out before him in the sand. His face is that of a crab or lobster. From the shell of the face two long antennae rise into the green water and point in different directions. In the lower left-hand corner, not far from the claws, we see a prickly starfish, a pink rock, and a crab with bulging startled eyes. In the lower right-hand corner a tilted blue anchor, with one fluke visible, lies half buried in the sand beside a slightly open oyster that reveals two frowning eyes and a pearl.

Panel 1. A city panorama at evening. The sky is red above a row of tall black buildings with yellow windows. Stretched over the tops of the buildings, in the sky, is the supine figure of a man with a white sheet up to his chin. A dim doctor in a surgical mask bends over him, holding against his mouth a white cloth. In one hand the doctor holds a bottle marked ETHER.

Panel 2. A youngish man of indeterminate age, wearing a blue cutaway and lemon gloves and a high wing collar, stands beneath a streetlamp shaped like a lantern. Yellow light streams from the lantern into purplish darkness. His eyes are dark and melancholy and his cheeks faintly hollowed. His light brown hair is parted neatly in the middle and he rests both gloved hands on top of a polished walking stick. From his feet stretches a long shadow, which rests its hands on the shadow of a walking stick. Behind him, barely visible in the darkness, loom the wheels of a passing barouche. In the balloon beside the youngish man’s head, attached by small white circles indicating thought, are the words: LET US GO THEN, YOU AND I…

Panel 3. He is seen from behind, walking along a narrow crooked street. The dark buildings on both sides lean toward each other. They are so close that they nearly touch at the top. Wooden signs hang before shops on both sides. One sign says TAVERN, another says HOTEL: NIGHTLY RATES. The flaps of the tavern door are open and a man with a stubble beard, a patch over one eye, and a red-and-blue-striped jersey is falling backward through the door toward the street. Above the man’s head is the word CRASH!! In the tavern we see part of a table, at which men sit playing cards. A red-haired waitress bends over the table with a mug of foaming beer, exposing the top halves of large round breasts above her short lacy black costume. Across the narrow street, on the drawn shade of a yellow fourth-story window, the silhouette of a woman with thrust-out rump and upward-tilted breasts is combing her hair. In the thought balloon beside the head of the youngish man in the blue cutaway appear the words: THESE STREETS ARE PRETTY DESERTED. I’D BETTER WATCH MY STEP…

Panel 4. On a darker street, the close-up of a yellow window. In the window, printed in red letters, is the word ESTAURAN. At a dim-lit table an old man sits bent over a bowl of steaming soup. There are drifts of sawdust on the floor, and here and there in the sawdust lie oyster shells. In the left-hand corner of the panel a lemon glove resting on a polished walking stick is visible beside the edge of the window. In the thought balloon above the glove are the words: MAYBE I OUGHT TO STOP HERE. NO, NO, BETTER KEEP GOING…OH, DO NOT ASK WHAT IS IT…

Panel 5. In a well-lit square, elegantly dressed couples walk arm in arm. Wisps of yellow fog float in the air. The men wear black cutaways and black top hats with a white stripe running up the crown to indicate shine. The women wear muffs and boas and broad hats with feathers. In the background, a raven-haired woman in a long black dress is emerging from a carriage. The youngish man in the blue cutaway is shown standing among the moving couples, consulting a large gold pocket watch. In the thought balloon beside his head are the words: LET US GO AND MAKE OUR VISIT.

Panel 6. He is standing on a portico before a partly open white door. A servant in red livery looks at him with a suspicious frown.

Panel 7. He is seen from behind as he climbs a stairway. There is a small bald spot near the top of his head. Paintings of bearded men hang on both walls in heavy frames carved with fruit and leaves. On the landing above stands the white marble statue of a woman. She has white marble breasts and white marble drapery that falls in folds from white marble hips. She is taking aim with a bow and arrow.

Panel 8. A crowded lamplit room. Men in cutaways and bare-armed women in shawls and trained dresses stand holding teacups or sit languorously on couches, armchairs, and wing chairs. In the center of the room is a mahogany table on which stand a silver teapot, a silver sugar bowl, and a silver platter of buttered toast. A man with mustache and monocle leans against a white mantelpiece, reading a red book. On the cover of the book is the word POETRY. In the background a bay window gives a view of black rooftops barely visible through swatches of yellow fog. The raven-haired woman in the long black dress is standing sideways by the window, looking out. She has a very narrow waist, no wider than her wrist, and very round hips. The tightness of her corset is indicated by her thrust-out bosom, her tiny waist, and her slightly tilted appearance, as if she is straining forward at the waist. Her arms are bare and porcelain-white and her long dress, reaching to the floor, is flared and very full at the feet. Her luminous blue-black hair is pulled back tightly from her face and rests in masses of tight curls at the top of her head. Her lips are black. Over her shoulders she wears a lacy fichu, which does not conceal the round tops of her ivory breasts. Women with high-piled hair and serious expressions stand here and there, straining forward at the waist. Beside the head of a yellow-haired woman facing sideways is a speech balloon with the word: MICHELANGELO…Beside the head of a gray-haired woman facing forward is a speech balloon with the word: MICHELANGELO…

Panel 9. The youngish man in the blue cutaway stands facing a white-haired woman wearing two rows of pearls. In the speech balloon above her head are the words: I’M SO GLAD YOU COULD COME, ALFRED. Far behind them, at the bay window, we see the white arm and black hip of the raven-haired woman.

Panel 10. Alfred stands at one side of the bay window, looking furtively at the raven-haired woman who stands at the other side, looking out at the yellow fog. Her high-piled hair is pulled so tightly back that it appears to be tugging back the skin of her face and lengthening her almond eye. In the thought balloon above his head are the words: DO I DARE?

Panel 11. A close-up of the face of the raven-haired woman. Her hair is shiny black with dark-blue and purple highlights. Her eyebrows are thin and arched and purple-black. The red of her lips and the purple of her eyebrows are slightly off-center and imprint the neighboring skin with eyebrow and lip. Thin crescents of her violet irises have slid into the whites of her eyes. Her cheeks are hollow and beneath her eyes lie shadows like pale bruises. Her face is white with blue and lavender shadows.

Panel 12. A view of the building, which is black and almost entirely concealed by thick yellow patches of fog. In the street stand two men in pea jackets and wool caps. In the speech balloon above one man’s head are the words: JEEZ, DIS IS SOME FOG, HUH JOE? In the speech balloon above the other man’s head are the words: T’ICK EZ PEA SOUP! In a yellow bay window high above their heads two silhouettes are visible.

Panel 13. The white-haired woman stands between Alfred and the raven-haired woman at the window. The white-haired woman is looking at Alfred. In the speech balloon near her head are the words: WOULD YOU LIKE A CUP OF TEA? In the speech balloon above his head are the words: WHY YES, THAT’S VERY…I MEAN, IF IT ISN’T TOO MUCH TROUBLE…

Panel 14. Close-up of a white porcelain teacup filled with tea. Two wavy vertical lines rise in the air above the tea. A teaspoon rests in the cup and fingertips grasp the end of the spoon. On the teacup is painted a Japanese lady concealing the lower half of her face behind a red-and-black fan.

Panel 15. Alfred is shown as an infant in a diaper fastened by a big safety pin, as a toddler in shorts, as a boy of ten in a sailor suit, as a college student in cap and gown being handed a diploma, and as a fashionable young man-about-town. The infant holds a little spoon, the toddler holds a red ball in one hand and a spoon in the other hand, the boy in the sailor suit holds a sailboat in one hand and a spoon in the other hand, the college student’s diploma is wrapped around a spoon, and the fashionable young man is resting his gloved hand on a walking stick shaped like an enormous spoon. In the yellow band at the top of the panel are the words: I HAVE MEASURED OUT MY LIFE WITH COFFEE SPOONS…

Panel 16. The raven-haired woman is half reclining on a red velvet couch, with one bare white arm extended along the couch arm. The material of her dress is stretched tightly across her rounded hip. Her lace fichu is parted slightly. The top halves of her big round breasts rise above the square décolletage of her black bodice and seem about to burst the cloth. In the lamplight her blue-black hair glitters like gunmetal. Alfred sits in a white wing chair turned partly toward the red velvet couch. He holds a teacup in one raised hand. Her blue-black melancholy eyes, fringed by long black lashes, are half closed. Beside Alfred’s chair a smiling man looks down at him. In the speech balloon above the man’s head are the words: LONG TIME NO SEE, OLD BOY. Behind him a stern woman in a lavender silk dress and a black lace shawl stands holding a cup of tea. In the speech balloon above her head is the word: MICHELANGELO…

Panel 17. Alfred is hanging on a wall. A large pin passes through the collar of his blue cutaway. The collar stretches higher than his head. The tightly bunched sleeves are pulled up to his forearms and the high wing collar comes over his ears. In one hand he holds, awkwardly, a cup of tea.

Panel 18. Alfred is sitting in his chair. The white-haired lady is standing beside him, holding the teapot. In the speech balloon above her head are the words: MORE TEA? In the speech balloon above his head are the words: WHY YES, I…THANK YOU, I…To the left of the white-haired lady we see a corner of the red velvet couch, a white upper arm, a curve of shiny blue-black hair.

Panel 19. Close-up of a plump ivory-white arm resting on the red couch arm. From the frilled edge of a green lampshade, yellow light pours. A silver bracelet with luminous white highlights loosely circles the wrist. The long, languorous hand holds a white teacup. At the ends of long fingers the sharp nails are shiny blood-red against the white porcelain. On the upsweep of the forearm lies a dusting of light-brown hairs.

Panel 20. Alfred is sitting in his chair, holding a cup of tea on his knee. The white-haired lady is standing beside him, holding a silver sugar bowl. In the speech balloon above her head are the words: I FORGET. DO YOU TAKE SUGAR? Alfred is daydreaming. In the thought balloon above his head we see a narrow street with tenements on both sides. In open windows, sad-eyed potbellied men in undershirts, smoking pipes, lean their elbows on the sills.

Panel 21. A close-up of the white-haired hostess. Lines of worry appear in her forehead. In the speech balloon beside her mouth are the words: IS ANYTHING THE MATTER?

Panel 22. Alfred in his chair, from the waist up, facing us. He has a strained smile. His speech balloon reads: I…I DON’T KNOW, I…One of his arms is resting on the chair-arm. The hand is a crab’s claw. The other hand holds a teacup. The fingers remain, but the back of the hand has already turned to crabshell.

Panel 23. The crowded room. A bald man is shown half rising from a lyre-backed chair, which tips backward. He holds a tilted saucer on which a teacup is balanced on one edge. Tea from the cup hangs in the air. The man’s mouth is open wide, his eyebrows are raised, one hand is pressed to his cheek. Behind him an open-mouthed woman in a blue gown stands with an arm extended and the palm up, as if to ward off a blow. Another woman cranes her neck forward, peering intently through a lorgnette. The red book has fallen from the open hand of the mustached man at the mantelpiece and has reached the level of his waist. The monocle has sprung from his eye. Everyone is staring at Alfred in his chair. Both of Alfred’s hands are claws and his face is that of a gigantic crustacean. One claw holds in its pincers a teacup by the handle. On the red couch the raven-haired woman stares straight ahead, without expression.

Panel 24. On the ocean floor lies a gigantic crab. Behind it, tilted in the sand, a white wing chair stands in the green water. On the chair seat, a teacup sits on a saucer. A red fish swims above the teacup. Dark green seaweed hangs on the back of the chair and over the arms.

Panel 25. Alfred is sitting in his chair, mopping his forehead with a polka-dot handkerchief. The white-haired hostess leans toward him. Her speech balloon reads: ARE YOU SURE YOU’RE ALL RIGHT, ALFRED? His speech balloon reads: OH YES…YES…I’M ALL RIGHT!!

Panel 26. The crowded room. Faces have turned to stare at a red-jacketed butler who strides toward Alfred. The butler’s right leg is swung out and the black cloth of the pant leg clings to the front of the leg and billows behind. On the cupped fingers of one hand the butler holds aloft a silver platter topped by a silver dome.

Panel 27. The butler stands bent over before Alfred. The thumb and finger of the butler’s free hand grip the silver knob at the top of the dome.

Panel 28. Alfred is shown in the act of rising from the white wing chair. The teacup has fallen from his hand and is tipped sideways in the air at the side of the chair. Alfred’s mouth is open, his eyes are wide, his hair stands on end. On the platter his head sits on a bed of lettuce leaves. The head looks at him with melancholy eyes. In the background the raven-haired woman watches, expressionless.

Panel 29. Beside the tea table Alfred, in graveclothes, is standing in an open coffin lined with white satin. He holds out one arm, draped in tattered cerecloth. All faces are turned to him except that of the raven-haired woman, who leans back against the red velvet couch with half-closed eyes. In the speech balloon above his head are the words: I AM LAZARUS, COME FROM THE DEAD.

Panel 30. The room, less crowded. Alfred sits in his chair sipping a cup of tea. The red couch is empty. Here and there on armchairs potbellied men sit with their eyes closed, their arms hanging over the sides, their legs extended. The raven-haired woman is standing by the bay window, looking out at the yellow fog. In a pale blue band at the top of the panel are the words: LATER THAT EVENING…

Panel 31. Alfred is standing at one end of the bay window, looking out at the yellow fog. The raven-haired woman is standing at the other end, looking out at the yellow fog. In the black window we see Alfred’s reflection. He is facing straight ahead but his eyes are turned in the direction of the woman. In the thought balloon beside his head are the words: SHE SEEMS UNHAPPY…

Panel 32. The room in darkness. The dark heads of seated figures are turned toward a brightly lit screen in front of the bay window. Beside the screen stands the white-haired lady, holding a pointer. On the screen is the outline of a man, filled with an intricate network of red and blue lines. In the speech balloon above the head of the white-haired lady are the words: HERE WE HAVE ALFRED’S AUTONOMIC NERVOUS SYSTEM. PLEASE NOTE THE HIGHLY DEVELOPED INTERLIGULAR GANGLIA. ANY QUESTIONS? NEXT SLIDE, PLEASE.

Panel 33. The same as Panel 31, except that Alfred’s face is turned partway toward the raven-haired woman. Three large waterdrops, representing distress, are arrayed about his head. In his speech balloon are the words: EXCUSE ME, I…I MEAN, I…

Panel 34. The same as the preceding panel. In the speech balloon beside the head of the raven-haired woman are the words: THAT IS NOT IT AT ALL.

Panel 35. Close-up of the raven-haired woman’s face. Blue lines of tension crease her forehead and two black vertical lines separate her arched and blue-black eyebrows. Her pulled-back licorice hair with blue and purple highlights is a mass of tight, glinting coils at the top of her head. In her speech balloon are the words: THAT IS NOT WHAT I MEANT, AT ALL.

Panel 36. View of Alfred from behind, descending the stairway. He is dressed in doublet, ruff, and skintight hose. His calves are thin. In the thought balloon above his head are the words: NO, I AM NOT PRINCE HAMLET…

Panel 37. Alfred in his blue cutaway is seated at a bar before a row of empty glasses, leaning his cheek on a hand. His eyes are red and his hair is mussed. His necktie is flung over one shoulder. In the speech balloon beside his head are the words: NOR WAS MEANT TO BE!! Beside him sits a fat and double-chinned woman with forearms shaped like bowling pins. She is wearing a tight red dress with a low square neckline and a bunch of violets thrust between big round breasts. She has curly orange hair, rouged cheeks, and thick red lipstick. She is leaning toward Alfred with a gap-toothed smile. In her speech balloon are the words: CHEER UP, DEARIE.

Panel 38. Alfred is walking along a narrow crooked street. Wisps of yellow fog hang in the air. In a black shop window lit by a streetlamp he sees his reflection. The reflection is stooped, leans on a crooked blackthorn, and has a long white beard down to its baggy knees. In the thought balloon beside Alfred’s head are the words: PHEW! GUESS I’M GROWING OLD…

Panel 39. Against a featureless black background, a gigantic orange-and-red fruit takes up nearly the entire panel. The fruit has eyes and two thick black frowning eyebrows. In the lower left-hand corner a tiny Alfred looks up at the fruit in alarm. In the thought balloon beside his head are the words: DO I DARE TO EAT A PEACH?

Panel 40. Alfred is walking near the water on a sunny beach crowded with colorful towels and striped beach umbrellas. He is wearing white flannel trousers, a white jersey with the word HARVARD on it, and a straw boater. He is passing a blanket on which lie a red radio, a bottle with the word SUN at the top and TAN at the bottom, and a girl in green sunglasses and a bright yellow bikini. She is lying on her stomach with her chin in her hands, reading a book. Her bright yellow bikini pants are stretched over a pair of very round buttocks, separated by a curving line shaped like a parenthesis. Her long legs, stretched out behind her, taper to a point. Two black eighth notes hover above her red radio. Before Alfred, in the sand, a smiling redhead in a green bikini stands sideways and holds out her arms toward a smiling brunette in a white bikini who stands facing her, bent over slightly with her knees pressed together and her calves apart. Between the girls a big blue-and-white beachball hangs in the air. The buttocks of the redhead in the green bikini resemble two grapefruit in a green silk bag and the breasts of both girls are bursting the bonds of their slender bikini tops. In the speech balloon beside the redhead is the word: CATCH!! In the speech balloon beside the brunette is the word: TEE-HEE! At the edge of the water a little boy with a red pail squats before a perfect pail-shaped mudpie. In the balloon beside Alfred’s head, attached by small white circles, are the words: I SHALL WEAR WHITE FLANNEL TROUSERS, AND WALK UPON THE BEACH.

Panel 41. Alfred is walking on a deserted stretch of beach. A rock jetty extends far out in the water. On a boulder near the end of the jetty sit two mermaids combing their long blond hair. Above their heads are flagged eighth notes, joined sixteenth notes, and dotted quarter notes. In the speech balloon beside Alfred’s head are the words: HOLY COW, MERMAIDS! I CAN’T BELIEVE IT! GUESS THEY’RE NOT SINGING TO ME, THOUGH…

Panel 42. Alfred, dressed in his blue cutaway, stands with his hands in his pockets at the bottom of the ocean. All about him, on rocks, on twists of coral, on a half-sunk treasure chest from which gold coins and a pearl necklace protrude, mermaids are seated. One mermaid, with shiny blue-black hair tumbling to her waist, sits nestled in the curved fluke of a partially sunk anchor. She leans back as she holds the shank of the anchor with one hand. The round breasts of all the mermaids peep out behind long thick hair that is blond, black, or red. All the mermaids have white and pink flowers in their hair and wear bracelets of shells. In the thought balloon beside Alfred’s head are the words: WE HAVE LINGERED IN THE CHAMBERS OF THE SEA…

Panel 43. Alfred is lying in bed with his blanket pulled up to his chin. He is wearing a red nightcap with a white pompom. His fingertips are visible gripping the edge of the blue blanket under his chin. One eye is open. At the foot of the bed the door is open and a gray-haired woman with eyeglasses has thrust her head in. In the speech balloon beside her head are the words: ALFRED! LAZYBONES! TIME TO GET UP! In the thought balloon above Alfred’s head are the words: WAS IT ALL A DREAM?

Panel 44. Alfred in his blue cutaway is seated at a dark desk on which are an oil lamp, a bottle bearing the word INK, several quill pens, a globe on a stand, and a white bust with the word DANTE on its pedestal. Before him on the desk lies a long piece of paper curled over at the top. In his right hand he holds a quill. On the paper are the words: LET US GO THEN, YOU AND ME…The “ME” is crossed out and above it appears the word “I.” On the wall behind the desk hangs a large oval mirror in a mahogany frame. Alfred’s head, bent forward over his paper, is reflected in the mirror. Yellow lines of light radiate from the oil lamp. Brown and blue shadows lie on Alfred’s hand.