The Bat Tattoo

28 Sarah Varley

I didn’t realise how lonely I’d been until I stopped being lonely. Not being lonely feels good, as if I’m augmented, more substantial, casting a longer shadow. It also means that I have another person to think of. How’s he feeling today, the day after the R. Albert Streeter Museum? What’s he thinking, about me in particular? Was I wrong in urging him to enter that competition? How much do I care if I was wrong? A lot. This is someone I want to stay with then, is it? Yes. Why do I go for men who, in my opinion, need work? Because they seem capable of change, of becoming, with me, someone they haven’t been before. But love changes everyone, doesn’t it? Even those who don’t need work? Yes, but a man like Roswell has a kind of charm that comes from not being altogether sure of himself and not taking me for granted. When we made love the other night I could feel his happiness and I loved him for it.

How many men have there been between Giles and Roswell? Three that lasted a month or so; two one-nighters. And this …? Looks pretty good to me, OK? OK.

I wish I knew more about him though. We’ve exchanged histories in a rudimentary way but I’ve no idea where he is in himself at the moment. There’s something bothering him, I know that much.