The Best of L. Sprague de Camp

An ameba, grown too portly,

Elongates itself and shortly

Parts itself into amebae twain.

Now, this form of reproduction

Has its points, if your construction

Lets you split yourself without a pain.

It avoids the complications

That beset our copulations,

Which we try to regulate in vain.

Thus a piece of protoplasm

Undergoes bipartite spasm,

As it did in Eozoic clime;

Each ameba, now existing,

Is a unit, yet persisting,

Which has flourished since the dawn of time.

In this neat and sober fashion,

Unbetrayed by human passion,

Multiplies this deathless bit of slime.

Still, there must be something missing

To a life that knows no kissing,

Nor the other games the sexes play.

Surely, Solomon and Sheba

Had more fun than that ameba

E'er will know forever and a day.

So I'd rather love my lassie

Than to be a little, glassy,

Protoplasmic speck and live for ay.