The Best of the Realms, Book II

V. The Pipe

Storm sighs and rolls exasperated eyes even before the blue flames lash forth, turning to complain to the hovering pipe, “Must they all sound like old Tintros the Minstrel lampooning Manshoon? Why is it always the Grand Gloat of Doom, hmm?”

And the pipe blows a smoke-ring at the sky, winks at Storm, winks again in a second flash of gold, and—is gone, leaving Elminster standing beside the Bard of Shadowdale, with his beard-cloaked chin about where the pipe was.

The Old Mage is shrugging and spreading empty hands. “Now, lass, ye must admit that the Grand Gloat of Doom is fun. Pure cackling fun, with none of the heart-racing excitement of swift chases and blasting down castles and rending dragons with blastclaw spells! Why, we can indulge in gloats whilst reclining on thrones or willing partners, and sipping wine or knitting warm socks for coming winters! Deny Nathchanczia here not her gloat!”

Storm Silverhand looks at the once-more-trembling hands and says “So, when she’s done gloating—?”

Elminster smiles, waves a hand, and before she can so much as scream, Nathchanczia of Neverwinter is gone, and in her place crouches a stunted, peeved-looking gargoyle, old moss speckling its worn stone, its claws carved into an endless reaching for nothing at all.

“So, lass, how’d ye like another garden statue?”

The Bard of Shadowdale spreads long, capable fingers upon her hips and says crisply, “In someone else’s very distant garden, thanks. If those you’ve already given me ever get loose all at once, most of the Dragonreach will be laid waste before the next nightfall!”

“True, true. Aundaman’s garden, then?”

Storm’s smile is slow, soft, and evil as she nods, turns away, and starts for the kitchen. “Moonweather tea?”

“Must I beg for it, love?”

She turns and nods, her smile still feral.

Elminster goes to his knees as the statue vanishes behind him, and pleads, “Can ye truly see no other way?”

The bard snorts, wrinkles her nose, and says, “Or not, of course. Even after a thousand-some years, your begging needs a lot of work.”