The Black Album

SCENE TEN

Shahid’s digs. Morning. Shahid is working at his desk. Chad enters, with Hat.

Chad Hey, Shahid, brother Riaz had the delectation of meeting your brother in the hallway earlier. An’ you know what happened? There was an incident.

Shahid What incident?

Hat Chili threatened brother Riaz.

Shahid Sorry?

Hat He claimed the brother wearing one of his shirts.

Shahid Oh, no.

Hat Riaz didn’t know what he was talking about.

Shahid (to Chad) Did you tell Riaz?

Chad (pointedly) It ain’t him nuisancing me right now.

Shahid Who do you mean?

Chad You holding something back, Shahid?

Shahid Listen, Chad — you know, brother, the first time we met, an’ I told you that as a Paki, I went through a lot of shit? I wanted to say to you, Trev –

Chad Did you call me Trev?

Shahid Yeah, I was trying to say –

Chad No more Trev. Me a Muslim. Like Mohammed Ali. We don’t apologise for ourselves. We are people who say one important thing — that pleasure and self-absorption isn’t everything.

Hat Riaz says it is a bottomless basket.

Chad Ain’t that a wicked phrase? One pleasure — unless there are strong limits — can only lead to another. Until we become beasts. The people paint their faces.

Shahid What?

Chad They wear aftershave. And they paint their faces. What happened to the clothes I gave you?

Shahid I was too cold.

Chad You hear the Iranians planning to put the fatwa on the writer?

Shahid What’s a fatwa?

Chad That when Allah take a cleaver against a sinner — like what I did against that racist.

Hat Only it green.

Chad What?

Hat Allah is green, so his sword is green — you know, the colour of fertile land.

Chad Yeah, Allah the first environmentalist. Anyway, it the law, once it passed by the Iranians. It legal then to take action against the blasphemer. And now there’s been a confirmation, no one can doubt it. It will force Iranians to issue the fatwa.

Hat What confirmation?

Chad (stating the obvious) We have been given a miraculous sign.

Hat We blessed! What sort of sign?

Chad An arrow.

Shahid An arrow?

Chad Yeah, it’s an arrow pointing straight at the author.

Hat What type of arrow?

Chad I’ll clip you upside your head! How many bloody type of arrows are there? You idiot. I’ll just say this. It’s an arrow in an eggplant.

Hat How can you plant an egg?

Chad You fool, Hat, don’t problem up a brother! Moulana Darapuria has now given his confirmation that the aubergine wrapped in Shahid’s pakora is a divine symbol. And we’re exhibiting the righteous aubergine right here! Riaz wants a squad of us brothers to watch the door, make sure the crowds behave, and the press don’t turn hot lights on God’s message.

Tahira enters with the aubergine on a silver salver. She places it in the middle of the room and begins circumambulating, followed by streams of others.

Tahira God has granted me the sight. Thanks to Shahid.

Hat It’s true, Shahid! You can see the arrow!

Chad Pointing straight at Islington.

Shahid How do you know it’s Islington?

Chad It where the writer live.

Shahid My room’s going to be wrecked by all these people.

Riaz enters, as the ‘pilgrims’ begin chanting.

Riaz As-salaam a-leikum, Shahid. You see how far-reaching is the power of Allah.

Shahid I didn’t realise Allah was vegetarian.

Riaz clocks Shahid momentarily, then laughs.

Riaz You have a good way with your words. (Taking Shahid aside.) Our people, most of them are from villages, half-literate and not wanted here. These miracles give them a voice in this land of so-called free expression. We who are educated, it is our duty to give this miracle a shape. I understand the Ayatollah is getting ready to make a big announcement.

Shahid Do you know what the fatwa will say?

Riaz It is a call to all Muslims to defend the faith against blasphemers.

Shahid What does that mean?

Riaz Surely it is obvious. The fatwa requires us to take whatever action is necessary. Just like the action we took against the racists. That writer insults us. To be against racism is to also be against blasphemers. I can see this troubles you, Shahid. Let us discuss this openly, like a family. I will tell all the brothers to assemble in your room early in the morning.

Brownlow enters, eager to talk to Riaz, who draws Shahid further away.

How is the typing coming?

Shahid I’ve had to change a few things in your poems.

Riaz Excellent. Are you having to translate my work into current English?

Shahid No, it’s more like –

Riaz Smoothing out?

Shahid Yes.

Riaz Good. What did you think of my poem?

Shahid Which one?

Riaz ‘The Wrath’. ‘The Wrath’.

Shahid I — uh — haven’t got to that one yet.

Riaz Chad says you have had some work published.

Shahid In a magazine. A while ago.

Riaz What was it called?

Shahid ‘Paki Wog Fuck Off Home’.

Riaz Did they publish it?

Shahid They were going to. Except my ammi tore up the manuscript. Said no one would want to read such filth.

Riaz Muslims like us will never get accepted.

Shahid Oh no, there’s nothing more fashionable than people like us. You, brother, could have a wide appeal if the media knew of you.

Riaz The media, yes. You must submit an article on this matter of blasphemy to the national newspapers.

Shahid It’s difficult, with my room now a pilgrimage site …

Riaz How are you getting on with Tahira?

Shahid Fine, fine. She’s a good brother — (correcting himself) sister.

Riaz An example to all our women. Modest. Obedient. She will make a good companion to a true young Muslim leader. And she wears no make-up.

Shahid What?

Riaz (reassuring) Let me see what I can do about your room. (Turning to Brownlow.) Welcome, Dr Brownlow to the site of the bona-fide miracle.

Brownlow I have arranged for Councillor R-R-Rudder to attend.

Riaz Excellent, excellent. You see, Shahid, all the great powers in the community are gathering in support of our cause. Councillor George Rugman Rudder is Labour leader of the entire elected council here. Will you write down what he says? (To Brownlow.) We need him to deliver a bigger place, Dr Brownlow.

Councillor Rudder enters, sporting a huge cigar. The crowd gathers behind Riaz and Brownlow, to welcome Rudder.

Rudder Hello there, people! Hello, all!

Riaz, Brownlow and Rudder shake hands while Hat takes a photo, and Shahid scribbles furiously.

Riaz Thank you for coming, Mr Rudder. We knew you would pay your respects.

Rudder Naturally, naturally. What a marvellous crowd, worshipping the fruit of the earth! What a popular aubergine, top of the vegetable table! What a sound method of communication the miracle is! Thank God a Tory borough wasn’t chosen!

Riaz Mr Rudder, our sincere thanks again for letting us use a private house in this public way. We understand how illegal it normally is. The whole community is eternally grateful. You are a true friend of Asia.

Chad (while continuing to circle the aubergine) Friend of Asia!

Hat (picking up the chant) And of Southall!

Tahira And of Newham!

Chad And of Brick Lane — Asia’s best friend!

Hat and Tahira lead in the chant ‘Friend of Asia, friend of Asia, Asia’s best friend!’ as they continue to circle the aubergine.

Rudder Yes, and I’ll be rewarded in heaven, no doubt. The Seventh Day Adventists have expressed deep satisfaction, and, it is said, mention my ailments in their prayers. Rastafarians shake my hand as I walk my dog. I am East London’s one true Anglo-Saxon friend! (To Riaz and Brownlow.) Naturally I have been generous enough to use my influence, against very racialist opposition, to open a private house in this way. But you are also smart enough to know, Riaz — and you are a smarty — that it can’t last for ever.

Riaz Which is why, Councillor Rudder, we have been thinking so much about the Town Hall for the preservation of the sacred miracle in public.

Brownlow (taken aback) Y-y-yes, the T-T-Town Hall.

Rudder The Town Hall?

Riaz Is there a reason why not?

Chad (while continuing to circle the aubergine) Rudder, Rudder, Rudder — he’s our Asian brother!

Crowd picks up the chant.

Rudder Yes, yes, perhaps the Town Hall. There’s plenty of room. Most of it between the ears of the people who work there.

Riaz It will have to be in the foyer. There is already hanging there a picture of Nelson Mandela. We must not be ghettoised.

Chad No! No! No! Ghettoisation — no!

Crowd picks up the chant.

Rudder Let me first witness this phenomenal example of God’s signature.

They part to allow him to enter.

(Aside, to Brownlow.) Of course, revelations are faith’s aberration, an amusement at the most. But whatever helps the Labour Party get re-elected mustn’t be scoffed at. Let’s hope they curry this blue fruit. Brinjal, I believe it’s called. I could murder an Indian, couldn’t you?

He proceeds to a viewing of the Miraculous

Aubergine. Music. All disperse.

Shahid returns to his computer. Night.

Deedee enters, carrying her bag of books and notes.

Shahid (excited) I wasn’t sure you’d come, Deedee.

She sees ‘the miracle’ on the salver.

Deedee (laughing) God in a pulpy vegetable!

Shahid Is Prince culture? Or just what you think we darkies understand?

Deedee I’m prepared to include voodoo as a subject of study because it’s part of the culture of some Caribbean Blacks, but that doesn’t mean I have to believe in it.

Shahid Please, Deedee. I’ve got to make up my own mind about things! I don’t always want to be on the outside.

Deedee Don’t ask me to believe in a communicating vegetable — and nor am I going to compete with one either. I’d heard books were on the way out, so now Riaz will want libraries to be replaced by greengrocers.

Shahid It doesn’t matter any more! The Iranians are involved. They want to ban the book! I need help, Deedee.

Deedee starts laughing.

What is it? Deedee?!

Deedee Give me your aubergine. Stick it in my earth and let me bless it with my holy waters.

Shahid I’ve forced Riaz into an open debate tomorrow.

Deedee What are you going to say?

Shahid Give me a precis? I haven’t got time to become educated first.

He gathers his notebook and stands ready.

Deedee Right then. There’s nothing new in wanting to ban a book. We’ve been down this road before — with Joyce, Lawrence, Miller, Nabokov. They were all censored in their time. And what did it change? People still read the banned books. Censorship’s never been successful. The last time it was tried was during the Inquisition — and that led to the fall of the very Church it was trying to protect. Not what your friends really want, is it?

Shahid (impressed) Can you take them on instead of me?

Deedee And what will you do?

Shahid Cook you dinner?

Deedee I’ll pass on that. These are your people, remember?

Shahid I get confused sometimes.

She hands him a pile of books from her bag.

Will you stay?

Deedee You’ve got work to do tonight.

Shahid It’ll help me focus.

Deedee The miracle and me aren’t meant to be in the same room.

She gathers her things and leaves.

Shahid Fuck!

Shahid resumes working on his computer, flicking through the books. Chili enters with Strapper.

What’s he doing here?

Chili That’s Strapper –

Shahid I know who he is! I’m working, Chili!

Chili starts scrabbling about on the floor, hunting for his stash.

Strapper Come on, Chili!

Shahid What the fuck’s going on?

Chili Didn’t think you’d met my partner.

He finds the stash he’s hidden in the copy of Satanic Verses that Deedee had given Shahid

Ah, there you are, my beauty!

Strapper Come on, Chili, I’m dying here.

Chili Patience, Strap-boy, there’s an art to satiating hunger.

He carefully unwraps the coke, cuts it up on a page and snorts.

Shahid (to Chili) Your closest brush with literature, ever.

Chili (passing the score to Strapper) There you go, Strap — you gotta trust me.

Strapper snorts.

(To Shahid.) Got a drink?

Shahid Fortunately not.

Chili Been to evening prayers?

Shahid Go home, Chili. If you can’t, just leave me be. I got things to do.

Suddenly, two Heavies burst in. Strapper shrinks back in fear. Shahid is frozen in shock.

Strapper I told you! Chili!

Heavy 1 (to Chili) So?

Chili hands over the money. The man counts it, snorts derisively and takes a step forward. Chili hands over his keys.

Heavy 2 He’s got brains.

Chili The Beamer parked outside. Full tank, too.

Heavy 1 Pardon?

Chili Full tank.

The Heavies look at each other, and kick Chili repeatedly. They leave. Shahid scrambles over to his brother.

Shahid What’s happening to you, Chili?

Chili pushes him away and goes to the still-whimpering Strapper.

Chili (knocks on Strapper’s head) There’s someone in there. Oh, yes, I know there is.

Strapper Christ. They … they gone?

Chili For now.

Strapper Right. Phew.

Chili (to Shahid, as he lays Strapper down gently) Floor’s very hard. Where’s your landlord?

Shahid What’s going on, Chili?

Chili (ignoring him) I want to complain. He’s a fucker. (Beat.) If Papa were alive, we’d be giving him heart attacks. Which of us, do you think, would he be more horrified by? I’d love to take a picture of you praying on your knees and send it to him in heaven. He’d probably say, ‘What’s my boy doing down there, looking for some money he’s dropped?’

Shahid, exasperated, resumes work on his computer.

There you have it, Strap, my hard-working baby brother. Times are moody, I have to admit, but he’ll sort us out, won’t you, bro? Hey, Strap, look at the dreamer.

Strapper Like me.

Chili You?

Strapper Yeah, me, man.

Chili They ain’t dreams, they’re drug hallucinations!

Strapper Fuck off, man. You should’ve sorted the cash! You kept sayin’ London was too small a place for ya. Is it small enough for you now, Chili, eh — this small enough?

Chili Shhh, let the boy work, Strap. Hey, what’s the score, bro?

Shahid (tetchy) What’s free speech to you, Chili?

Chili Don’t bend your knee.

Strapper Windbag! You done shat yourself when those heavies came in for their money!

Chili That’s just a game, Strap. But this here now –

He clutches hold of Strapper, as he addresses Shahid.

— this here is pure censorship. Nothing terrible will ever happen to us, unless we will it. That’s just the way it is. But evil’s been done to Strap, practically from day one he’s been censored. Don’t do this! Stop there! Stay away from that! He don’t deserve to be wasted. If you want to fight for anything, fight for him.

Shahid I think I want to be a writer.

Chili What’s wrong with being a travel agent?

Shahid You try it! Papa left everything to you. Ammi needs you.

Chili You want me to be like all the other Pakis in their dirty shops, humourlessly keeping their eyes only on the pennies dropping in their palms? Go and work there if you like it so much. I give you my place! But you won’t either. We ain’t ones to make sacrifices, are we, bro?

Shahid Just go home, Chili, please. Papa worked his arse off.

Chili remains silent.

(Insistent.) To give us a decent life.

Chili And what is that? Do you know?

He grabs hold of Shahid.

Why won’t you tell me?

Shahid Let go of me!

Chili No one knows!

He slaps Shahid. Shahid goes to punch him, but Chili slaps him again.

Now shut it!

Shahid Fuck, fuck!

Shahid returns to his computer, as Chili and Strapper lie wasted.

After a time, Shahid covers his trembling brother with a blanket and continues working.

Morning dawns. Chili gets up and takes Strapper out with him.

There is a knock on the door. Shahid shuts down his computer, tidies himself and opens the door to Riaz, Brownlow, Chad and Hat.

Riaz Salaam a-leikum, Shahid.

Shahid Wa-leikum salaam.

Riaz and the others take their seats in the room.

Riaz Come, remind everyone of the topic you want to debate.

Chad You call us here for what, when the issue is obvious?

Shahid I hope it is. John Milton said long ago that he who destroys a good book kills reason itself. The best way to respond to the book is to guard against that.

Hat Are you talking of that book?

Shahid Yes, Hat. There’s been a long history of books being banned — Joyce’s Ulysses was burned in New York and then Lawrence, when he wrote Lady Chatterley’s –

Hat Is that Lawrence of Arabia?

Shahid No, D. H. Lawrence — he wrote a lot about physical passion — sex –

Riaz So did Barbara Cartland. (Addressing the others.) See how calm I am?

They laugh.

Shahid (continuing) History shows that books can’t be suppressed. Dr Brownlow, surely you see how this is the road to dictatorship of the mind, like in those Communist states.

Riaz That is presumption and arrogance.

Shahid I am asking the brothers to consider that the telling of stories helps us all. It starts a conversation, however hard that may be.

Chad You agreeing with that blasphemer?

Shahid I am talking of what we need to do. As a poet yourself, brother Riaz –

Riaz This is not about us but the mind of the author –

Shahid And that mind you should defend!

Riaz This is the presumption I am talking of, brothers!

Shahid (powering on) He has said time and again he has your view of the world — the migrant’s view. He celebrates what you are because out of you come new things.

Riaz There is nothing new after Allah’s revelations.

Shahid But even these are not without dispute.

Riaz (angry) What do you mean?

Shahid (overlapping Riaz’s question) I have read the history. There were verses added to the Koran –

Riaz (interjecting) — and refuted by Allah himself as the work of Satan!

Shahid But the fact of those verses remains. And if these were the work of Satan, you have to agree his mischief made the faith stronger.

Riaz It enabled Allah to warn us about Satan, agreed.

Shahid Then can’t you accept that the writer is also being playful, and his new work will only make the faith stronger?

Riaz When there is so little known about us Muslims in public, we have a right to ensure the ummah — the Muslim community as a whole — is represented in ways that promote all of us.

Brownlow (to Shahid) This is a n-n-new form of racism here, when the Muslim working class is persecuted by middle-class, Cambridge types.

Shahid Aren’t you being hypocritical, Dr Brownlow?

Brownlow I have never subscribed to the British obsession with class loyalty. We should seize this moment — for the first time under Thatcher, there is the real possibility of persecuted classes making a difference. You have a cause, a passion that could place you in the vanguard of changing this country!

Shahid Isn’t it even more crucial then that the cause is a right one?

Brownlow What matters is the commitment to kick the old order out of its complacency. Stand firm, Tariq — the new world order will be created by your class!

Shahid Literature is not a political party! Brother Riaz here is asking us to become policemen of storytellers.

Riaz In these times, it is the duty of every Mussulman to become a policeman for his faith. The Ayatollah has made that very clear in his fatwa. He who does not act is not a true Muslim.

Shahid Brother Riaz, you asked me to prepare your poems for print. You even accepted I could play with the words a little to make them fit today’s way of speaking. Will playing with your words make me satanic in your eyes?

Riaz Forget this literature-shiterature talk. Let me ask you directly — if a character comes to your home in Sevenoaks and abuses your mother and sisters, what will you do?

Chad You got a problem, brother?

Shahid (snaps) Don’t call me brother! Why should you be more of a brother than any other man in the street?

Chad You confused, brother — (To the others.) Or he hiding something.

Riaz This writer has abused us in the same way that racist abused the old man and his family in the East End.

Shahid Do we have a monopoly on hurt? Why should our feelings of hurt be greater than his? If we attack him we become no better than the racists we oppose! We should debate with him. Censoring him will only limit what we can be, when the whole world could be ours.

The door opens and Zulma enters.

Zulma Shahid — come. Attend, darling.

Shahid Auntie? This is a meeting!

Zulma I’ve told you before, don’t call me Auntie! Sometimes censorship is necessary! Who is in charge? (To Riaz.) What are you doing, having a political meeting?

Riaz This is a private meeting, madam.

Shahid We’re discussing the fatwa.

Zulma And you’re going to demonstrate in his favour?

Shahid No. Not in his favour, I don’t think.

Zulma (appalled) Students are supposed to have bloody brains, aren’t they?

Riaz Have some respect, madam.

Zulma Don’t raise your voice to me! Religion is for the benefit of the masses, not for brainbox types like you. Those simpletons require strict rules for living, otherwise they would still think the earth sits on three fishes. But you mind-wallahs must know it’s a lot of balls.

Riaz (controlling his ire) I am a peaceful man. I urge all to love those of other religions, yes, even the wretched Christ-killers who lack faith in their own faith. But we need to send a clear signal to everyone, Muslim and non-Muslim alike, that our faith is not a matter for fictional debate.

Zulma Arey, practically the whole world is ringing me about this hullaballoo, as if I wrote the novel personally. Darling, things are getting so extreme I may have to read it, and I only read on the toilet.

Riaz (to the others) Come, brothers, we have work to do.

They leave, casting murderous glances at Zulma.

(To Shahid, as he leaves.) I will pray Allah guides you to the true path, Shahid.

Zulma As if my head weren’t burning up in flames with the problems your entire family has given me, thank you very much.

Shahid and Zulma are left alone.

Why are you in with those people? Oh, Shahid, what has happened to you?

Shahid Please, Auntie, I need to think.

Zulma You will certainly be needing to cogitate after I give you one tight slap.

Shahid You can’t hit me.

Zulma Well, I’m in the mood. (Tuts.) You had a decent upbringing. And now I see you hanging round with beardies who’ve already messed up Pakistan. I can’t tell you the problems darling sweet Benazir Bhutto is having with these tufty cunts.

Shahid The problem is not people like Riaz, but your class, Zulma. You and your school friend Benazir, with your foreign bank accounts, doing nothing for the country but leeching it for yourselves.

Zulma It’s people like her who help maintain some decent image of the country abroad, darling. If it weren’t for us, you’d see ZZ Top on TV, and then where would we be?

Shahid Can you hear how arrogant you sound?

Zulma How dare you speak to me in that fashion? I thought you were one notch better than that brother of yours. You don’t go in for prayers as well, do you? With that girl who should cover her whole bloody horse-face?

Shahid At least Tahira is not materialistic like you and Chili.

Zulma Let me tell you, next time I’m going to be demanding an arranged marriage. These free marriages — what are they but bad manners in the day and bad smells at night? Oh, Shahid, we’ve not always been the best of friends, but it makes me feel rotten to know you’re running in that direction. They will slaughter us soon for thinking. Have you stopped thinking, Shahid?

Shahid No.

Zulma Good. Then go back home at once and help your poor ammi.

Shahid I’ve got to finish my course! Papa wanted me to be educated.

Zulma Yes, he did. But you are spending all your time with those religious fools. Now you have to take charge of the family. When you see that wasted brother of yours, be kind enough to inform him that his place will be taken by you. Ring me when you get to Sevenoaks — I’m going back to Karachi soon.

Shahid You can’t put the mess of your married life on me, Auntie!

Zulma It’s your family I’m thinking of — you have a duty to your ammi.

Zulma storms out. Shahid sits at his desk, finally alone. Puts up Riaz’s poem on his computer screen.

THE MARTYR’S IMAGINATION

by Riaz al-Hussein

The windswept sand speaks of adultery in this godless land,

Here Lucifer and colonialists dance and Ibrahim weeps when the sun sets.

Wet bodies and captivating tongues reek of Satan’s hot breath,

But Gibreel’s fragrant green sword will veil the unveiled on the day the sun finally sets.

As he starts editing, we hear the sound of his fingers tapping on the keyboard. This segues into sounds of fists pounding on desks.

SCENE ELEVEN

The canteen at college. Fists pounding on desks and tables. Shahid enters, sees Hat, who is with Tahira.

Shahid What’s happening?

Hat Democracy in action. Student protest full on.

Shahid What about?

Hat This morning, that woman, Miss Osgood — she hold up the book.

Tahira That book. You hear?

Shahid (sarky) A book, in a college?

Hat I say, ‘Put down that book before I … You know what I’m saying, Miss Deedee Osgood?’ I say straight out, our parents pay taxes, here should be British scholarship and brainwaves, not curses. She keep going, ‘This is a classroom. There must be discussion, debate, argument!’

Shahid She’s right …

Tahira Then we start fisting the desk.

Hat All the class take it up, smashing down together.

Tahira Dr Brownlow say we have to be listened to. Our voices suppressed by Osgood types with the colonial mentality. To her we not cool, we coolies.

Hat So Miss Deedee has to stick the book away before someone sticks it –

Tahira That pornographic priestess encourages brothers of colour to take drugs. Then she force them into orgies. They tattoo one another.

Hat (curious) With what?

Tahira Tattoo equipment.

Hat (understanding) I see.

Deedee enters in a rush.

Deedee (to Hat) Thanks for the protest, Hat. It’s given me an idea for a new course. (To Shahid.) ‘The History of Censorship and the Importance of Immorality.’

Shahid Just what we need. How do we sign up?

Deedee Help me circulate these leaflets.

She hands over some leaflets.

We’re going to look at everyone from Plato to Brecht –

Tahira (to Hat) Yeah, the whole white doo-dah.

Deedee If anyone from your Nation of Islam’s made a contribution to world literature, add them to the list. Can you think of anyone, Tahira?

She stares at Tahira. A stand-off. Chad enters, carrying a copy of The Satanic Verses. A beat. He exchanges looks with Deedee. And sees the leaflets in Shahid’s hand.

(To Shahid.) Get as many students as you can, Shahid.

Deedee exits. Chad snatches the leaflets from Shahid and flings them after her.

Tahira Isn’t it funny that nudists always keep their shoes on?

Chad Give me the stick, Hat.

Shahid You’re a joker, man, if you think you’re going to start beating people!

Tahira Yeah, just what she needs!

Chad (to Hat) The string, too! What you waiting for?

Shahid (to Chad) Listen Chad, that man, whatever he’s done, he never called you Paki scum, did he?

Chad (wound up) Shahid, I mean it — where are you spiritually, man?

Shahid (considers. Pause) Chad, brother — I try never to do anything Prince wouldn’t do.

Chad (in his face) Where’s the typing we entrusted you with?

Shahid I want to talk to brother Riaz.

Chad We had a talk and you left with that air hostess! Brother Riaz more annoyed with you than ever.

Shahid Without Riaz, you’re nothing.

Chad I agree with you.

Shahid You’re a dog without a master.

Chad A dog, yeah?

Chad chucks the book to Hat and pulls Shahid down by the wrists.

Shahid A dirty dog.

Chad Least I recognise that a master is required. Did I make the world? But I do know that I not a coward. Because you are always talking, never taking action! Because you always had a sitting-down life! That shit you told me the first day, you invent it to make yourself interesting! Actions will be taken!

Shahid Make sure they’re the right actions.

Tahira (intervening) This isn’t the time for giving up, Shahid. Otherwise they’ll put us in camps and turn on the gas.

Chad Don’t forget the paraffin, Hat.

He pushes Shahid forward.

You in front with me.

He leads Shahid off into the courtyard. Hat has strung the book up and pours petrol on it. Riaz enters, followed by Brownlow, then Deedee.

Deedee My God. What is happening to us? Shahid! Andrew! What’s going on?

Brownlow’s stutter prevents him answering.

Riaz Fellow students!

Deedee Are you going to burn that book, Riaz?

Riaz If you will permit me, in one moment I will explain.

Deedee Do you even know what that means?

Riaz Is the free speech of an Asian to be muzzled by the authorities?

Various cries from the crowd around Riaz: ‘No, no.’ / ‘Let the brother speak!’ / ‘His turn on the spot!’ / ‘Say it, brother!’

You understand? This is democracy!

Deedee (incredulous) Democracy!

Riaz Are the white supremacists going to lecture us on democracy this afternoon? Or will they permit us, for once, to practise it?

Crowd cries: ‘Get off, white bitch! ’/ ‘Punk priestess!’

Deedee Why? Just explain why, Riaz?

Riaz To uphold values in our new society.

Deedee God save us from values!

Riaz You see? You see how feeble Christians are? A religion that’s lost its hatred is not a religion — it is empty!

Deedee Then hooray for emptiness! My emptiness is the value. We’ve had too many values in Europe already. Doubt is our greatest need.

Riaz It’s the sure road to filth! Filth like this book that people like you use to laugh at us. Well, it is time for your Western arrogance to understand it cannot interfere with God’s decree.

Chad Jihad!

Riaz Come, Shahid, take up your brother’s cry. Look — the TV-wallahs are here.

Shahid You called the press?

Riaz I listened to your advice.

As the crowd chants ‘Jihad! Jihad!’ a Cameraman and Reporter take up positions, filming the action.

Let loose the piercing sword of truth!

Chad Allah-u-Akbar!

Crowd Allah-u-Akbar!

Chad Don’t mess with Muslims and their religion!

Deedee This can’t happen!

Deedee rushes out.

Riaz (to Shahid) Consign this filth to the fate it deserves! Let the whole world see we shall not be overcome!

Reporter (to Riaz) Can you get a bit closer to the book?

Riaz complies. He signals to Chad, who tilts the book while Hat thrusts a lighter into the pages.

Shahid No, Riaz!

Hat repeatedly tries to get the book to catch fire.

Hat The book too thick — he written too much.

Riaz Put more paraffin!

Shahid No!

Shahid rushes out, returning to his room, where he furiously starts pounding on his computer.

In the background, the book can be seen going up in flames. Police sirens are heard, and Riaz and the gang scarper. Deedee is seen dousing the burning book.

Shahid’s typing gains in volume.

Chili comes in, with Strapper in tow.

Chili Still working, bro?

Shahid (flaring) I’ve got to be free to do what I want!

Chili Just a family enquiry, bro — chill. (To Strapper.) Park yourself in the corner, Strap, and keep mum!

They lie down, spaced out. Shahid continues his work. We see him editing Riaz’s poem on his computer screen.

THE MARTYR’S IMAGINATION

by Riaz al-Hussein

The fire-swept pavement fizzes treachery in this green land,

Here Satan and Eve dance around the Martyr weeping into the setting sun.

Wet bodies and captivating tongues promise a paradise of pleasures,

But the curved green sword slices a curtain of certainty down on the sun.

SCENE TWELVE

Shahid’s digs. Evening. Chad, Hat and Tahira burst in. Shahid closes the document he’s been working on.

Chad She against authority yet called police in! Brother Riaz has said that Osgood must be removed from her post for her attacks on minorities.

Tahira And today she prevented our free expression. Isn’t that racist censorship, Shahid?

Shahid You got your moment on TV.

Hat She’s left her office.

Chad With my usual genius I’ve thought of what to do. Tonight we visit her private home.

Shahid (alarmed) What?

Chad In order to learn, she must be taught a lesson.

Chad signals to Hat to get the disc from Shahid’s computer. Hat does so.

Shahid What are you doing?

Chad Riaz is waiting for us at the mosque.

He snatches the disc from Hat.

I’m returning his property.

Shahid (reaches for it) It’s not finished.

Chad It finished.

He tosses the disc to Hat.

Check it out. Go!

Hat leaves.

(Hauling up the prone Strapper.) And you, Mr Strapper, you’re coming with us.

Strapper (in a daze) What the — Hey, Trevor!

Chad I told you that’s not my truth.

Strapper Where we going, man?

Chad To sniff her out. Osgood — no good!

Tahira Osgood — no good! (To Shahid.) You hear?

They leave. Chili stirs.

Shahid Come on, Chili — get yourself together!

Chili What fucking mess you in, little brother?

Shahid We need to get to Deedee’s.

Chili Never chase women.

Shahid cleans him up and pushes him forward out of the room. Chili turns back into the room.

Tonight I want a human touch. Decent bed. Clean sheets. Let’s go to her place and party, toot sweet!

Shahid Got your knife?

Chili (flicks open his knife) You don’t go round London without one.

Hat enters.

Hat (in a state, to Shahid) What you do that for, brother?

Chili Respect — that’s my brother you talking to!

Shahid Where’s my disc, Hat?

Hat You know what you’ve done.

Shahid No.

Hat I converted Riaz’s poems on my printer.

Shahid Already?

Hat Yeah.

Shahid I see.

Hat I couldn’t believe it!

Shahid I hadn’t finished.

Hat Finished?

Shahid The poems –

Hat How d’you think brother Riaz will feel, standing so proud and all, waiting for his rhymes to come out printed and clean so he could hold it in his hands and show his friends?

Shahid The original manuscript hasn’t been touched.

Hat Him be shattered to pieces when he sees this.

Shahid It’s a celebration. Of passion.

Hat (realises) You been seeing that Miss Osgood, haven’t you? And collaborating with her all this time! You a raving evil spirit and a double agent!

Chili For being with a woman?! (To Shahid.) What friends you call these, bro?

Shahid Hat, did you like any of what I did?

Hat I can be a bit dirty-minded myself, but that stuff … You a sewer rat. I don’t go and put an essay on girls crossing their legs –

Shahid And on the smell of their hair, and on the skin behind their knees –

Hat Yeah! The odours of their body and everything like that — people sniffing one another’s, you know, doo-dahs.

Shahid Didn’t God give us our doo-dahs?

Hat I wouldn’t put them into print and mix it up with religious words, would I?

Shahid I want us to be friends, Hat.

Hat Why rape us then? Chad said that brother Riaz saved your life one time.

Shahid Yes.

Hat That why you turn on him?

Shahid Hat, please believe me. I was just playing with words.

Hat Our religion isn’t something you can test out, like trying on a suit to see if it fit!

Shahid Please, Hat, help me. I want to speak to Riaz alone. Just for half an hour. I want to explain everything. Will you talk to him without letting Chad know?

Hat Brother Chad and all of us, we trusted you — apart from Tahira, who say from the beginning you an egotist with an evil smile. And then Riaz put his soulful words in your hands. It would have been a privilege for any of us! But he think you special. How can you think to bother Riaz right now? He busy planning.

Shahid What?

Hat Just retributions.

Shahid Like what?

Hat I can’t tell you.

Shahid Will you give me back the disc?

Hat I can’t do that.

Shahid Then see you.

Hat Where you going?

Shahid pushes Hat out of the way. He falls. Shahid and Chili leave. Music, as they rush through London to Deedee’s.

SCENE THIRTEEN

Deedee’s house. Night. The TV is on. Shahid and Chili enter.

Shahid Where’s Deedee? Where is she?

Brownlow Thankfully, I no longer care. Probably making a list of a few more names to slip to the police.

Chili (brandishing his knife) Where’s Strapper?

Shahid (pushing Chili away) Have you seen her?

Brownlow Finished rogering my wife, Tariq? I imagined your religion frowned on such things. Or have you had enough of her? Wouldn’t blame you, sticking to your own. Especially with fiery cadre like Tahira.

Shahid Is Deedee all right?

Brownlow ‘LBJ, LBJ, how many kids you burned today?’

Chili Who’s burning kids?

Brownlow That was our chant at Cambridge in the sixties when students were a united force, pissing on the gods of authority. Now you guys, in the most reactionary period since the war, have picked up the baton.

Shahid But you’re out of it, aren’t you? You’re fucking off, leaving everything.

Brownlow What’s there to teach when there is no longer any knowledge to transmit? I’m off to Italy. Or France. Or maybe Spain. What does it matter? Everyone’s standing by their own miserable class or race. Rudder’s going to say the book’s an insult and call for it to be withdrawn. The Tory leader’s agreed to do the same.

Shahid What the fuck for?

Brownlow Don’t be naive, there’s a lot of Asian votes to be had round there. (Ironic.) Up the revolution! Did I tell you, Riaz has been invited on Newsnight to give his opinion on the fatwa?

Shahid Stop pissing me about!

Brownlow Don’t know who’s pissing whom.

Chili Any booze in the house?

Brownlow (to Shahid, referring to Chili) I see you’re enjoying a different class of friend, Tariq.

Chili Tosser.

Brownlow (to Shahid) Riaz’s eyes went all bright when he heard. He’ll make a fascinating freak on TV. For a week or month. Just when you thought God was dead and buried, you realise he was merely awaiting resurrection! Every fucker’s discovering some god inside them now. Who am I to challenge this?

Shahid Help us find Deedee!

Brownlow There we were, right up to the end of the seventies, arguing about society after the revolution, and all the while it was being taken from us. The British people don’t want education, arts, justice, equality … Everything I believed has turned into shit.

Shahid You’re a spineless bastard.

Brownlow I’ve been called worse, Tariq.

Shahid (pushing him) My name is Shahid!

Chili That’s — manly — bro.

Brownlow (leaving) Look — no stutter, see?

Brownlow exits.

Shahid (shouting) Deedee!

Chili Ahh, soft, bro — always call a woman softly …

Deedee enters from the kitchen.

Deedee What more do you want, Andrew …? (Sees Shahid and Chili.) What’re you doing here?

Shahid We’ve been looking everywhere for you.

Deedee Did Andrew let you in?

Shahid Forget it. Chad and the others know where you live.

Deedee What?

Shahid They’re out for revenge. They’re coming for you. Me too, now.

Deedee Will you talk sense!

Shahid You called in the police and I fucked around with their master’s words.

Deedee looks at him quizzically.

I rewrote some of Riaz’s poetry. Didn’t mean to. I was just playing as I was thinking of you — to see where it would take me. I was going to change it back. Riaz and the gang think it’s blasphemy.

Deedee They’re coming here?

Chili Any booze in the house? I need a pick-me-up. Booze and a little nap, yeah, just a little sleep.

Deedee (to Shahid) And you’ve brought him — (indicating Chili) — to help?

Chili puts his arms around Deedee and whispers. Deedee laughs.

Shahid (tetchy) Chili.

Deedee (to Shahid) Your big brother wants to put my tits in his mouth.

Chili It’s worth trying.

Shahid Chili!

Chili I’m lonely, all right? Tonight I want a human touch. To feel warm skin. Is that too much to ask? (To Shahid.) All right, all right. (To Deedee.) Any drink in the house, Deedee Osgood? Then I’m ready to take on any fucker who comes to annoy you. Me and my bottle will stand guard on the stairs. That’s where the enemy will come in, through the upstairs windows!

Shahid Make sure you lock it — and the back door.

Chili Toot sweet, bro, toot sweet. — Where’s your back door, Deedee?

Deedee Fuck it if they’re going to make me a prisoner in my own house. I’m going to cook. (Taking Chili.) Come on, let’s find a bottle for you.

Deedee takes Chili off. The door rattles.

Strapper (off) It’s only me, Strapper, the Strap. Official visit, man.

Shahid opens the front door. Strapper strolls in.

Shahid I thought you were with your old pal Trevor.

Strapper Chad’s a religious type, he see everything from underneath. You just wanna be white and forget your own. (He shouts.) You and your bro just wanna shag the white bitches! That why he don’t go for you no more.

Shahid I wish I hadn’t let you in.

Strapper How were you gonna keep me out, cunt? Hey, don’t touch me, man.

Shahid Get out of here.

Strapper The brothers burned the book, right? Funny how you people get into more of a state about a book than about the suffering people.

Shahid (pushing him towards the door) You’re making me suffer now, Strapper.

Strapper I wouldn’t get heavy. Thing is, brown boy, your Chili owes me money. Where’s he hiding round here?

He suddenly jumps and holds the front door wide open.

(Shouts in a military voice.) All clear!

Chad, Tahira and Hat enter.

Shahid You bastard!

Chad grabs Shahid in an armhold and offers him to Hat, while Strapper looks on.

Chad Here’s the scum, as expected — holed up with his bitch. So obvious. Now, brothers, get to work on the spy, the infidel, the traitor! Go on. Go on.

Hat But me papa will be looking for me!

Chad Your father? What’s he got to do with this?

Hat I can’t stay.

Chad Beat him! This idiot hates us and he hates God! Give Satan one!

Tahira Satan! Satan!

Tahira knees Shahid in the crotch and repeatedly boots him.

Chad The evil spirit has gone down!

Shahid staggers up. Tahira kicks him again. Deedee runs in.

Deedee Leave him!

Chad (bars her way) He belong to us now. Let us take him, bitch, and there’ll be no trouble for you! We’re going to deal with the spy.

Tahira He deceived and spat on his own, wallowing in filth.

Deedee Let go of him!

Chad Eye for an eye — that so hard to understand, Miss Post-Colonial Studies?

Deedee Very cute, Mr Trevor.

Chad (raises his hand to strike her) Don’t use that name on me!

Deedee (jibing) What’s wrong, Mohammad Shahabuddin Ali-Shah?

Riaz enters.

Chad Here he is. Sick, sick, sick as you prophesied.

Tahira More sick now.

Chad We’ve captured both of them! What now, brother? What action to take immediately? Which step do you want? Shall we take him away? Or finish him here?

Riaz (to Shahid) You’ve pierced my heart, Shahid … Do you want to stand always alone? Or be one with the ummah that is your heart’s only family?

Shahid I’ll find my own ummah, thanks.

Riaz Bring him for interrogation! We will purify those who cannot purify themselves. He must be shown the raging fires of hell.

He turns to lead them out.

Hat (in horror) Brothers! It that maniac!

Chili stands on the stairs above them, brandishing his knife.

Chili Hello, all. Robert De Niro’s waiting.

Strapper Chili-boy!

Chili O ye of little faith, Strap!

Strapper (jigging furiously) It’s going up, it’s going up! Fuck everything! Fuck you all!

Chad Right! We’ll halal them all now.

He squares up to Chili.

Chili Yeah? I don’t like kosher meat.

Chili flies into the gang, knocking Chad, Tahira and Hat out of the way and grabs Riaz, holding the knife to his throat.

(To the others.) Now fuck off, all of you! Or else this brother gets halal-ed.

Riaz (terrified) Go, go.

Chad Leave him! Or you get it!

Chad takes a step forward, Chili touches Riaz with the knife and Riaz bleeds. Chad stops.

Chili (to Riaz) And get this fucking shirt off! I told you it were mine, man, now give it back.

Riaz, confused, looks to Chad.

Now!

Riaz takes off the shirt.

Chad I’ll halal you for this, I swear.

Chili Yeah, yeah. Bigger boys than you have tried to take on Chili. (To Riaz.) Pants too.

Riaz complies.

Chad You an evil spirit — how can you make brother Riaz change in front of women?

Chili He got something he ain’t proud of? (To Riaz.) My fucking socks as well!

Riaz is forced to complete the undressing.

Chad You goin’ straight to hell!

Chili Just the place I want! Care to join me there? Now fuck off out of here with your poodles! Then I’ll release this one!

Chad There are hundreds like us, hundreds and thousands!

Chili What you waiting for — bring them on!

They go, and Chili flings Riaz out.

Riaz We will start another experiment, insha’Allah!

Chili Yeah, yeah.

Deedee (concerned) Shahid …

Shahid I’m all right. Really.

Deedee Time we had a proper meal.

Chili I’ve had all I can stomach, babe.

A beat.

Deedee Take care of yourself, Chili.

Deedee goes to the kitchen.

Chili (to Shahid) Hug me, bro.

They embrace.

Shahid Thanks for saving my balls.

Chili Cool entrance, eh? Someone should have videoed it. You okay?

Shahid Sore all over. Going somewhere?

Chili nods.

With Strapper?

Chili Yeah.

Shahid After what he did?

Chili Will you talk to Ammi for me? Say I’m okay? Getting better? You know what to say.

Shahid Toot sweet, brother.

Chili Yeah.

Chili exits, with Strapper. Deedee leaves the room.

There is a tapping on the window. Shahid grabs a knife and investigates. Hat is knocking. Shahid opens the window.

Hat Will you listen if I say something? Please, Shahid.

Shahid Why should I trust you?

Hat I trying to say I sorry about what happened.

Shahid Oh, yeah.

Hat Please listen! There’s no one else — I alone! Because Allah is forgiving and merciful, I will only show love and consideration for others. I ashamed of what we did.

Shahid Why?

Hat Whatever you done, it not my place to condemn another person. Only God can do that. I was wrong to put myself in that position, as if I never done wrong things. I hope you don’t turn away from Allah.

Shahid To tell you the truth, Hat — I’m sick of being bossed around, whether by Riaz or Chad or God himself. Brother, what we do, and the things we make, is more interesting than anything that God is supposed to have done. Do your accountancy, Hat. You’ll regret it if you don’t pass.

Hat I disagree. But I get what you say. I said what I have to.

He starts to leave.

Shahid Where are you going?

Hat To paradise. Please forgive me. Forgive all of us and may there be mercy.

Hat leaves. Deedee enters.

Shahid I want to be with you.

Deedee For as long as it lasts?

Shahid For as long as that.

They embrace.

A beat.

Dawn. Hat is seen carrying a rucksack. He bends down to take it off his shoulders. An explosion. Hat is killed. Sounds of sirens. Ambulances, fire engines, police cars and flashing lights.

Deedee and Shahid go out. There is a pall of smoke.

Shahid and Deedee look at each other.

Shahid I want to see my mother. Come with me? Then we can go to the sea — I know a place. I’ve decided. I know what to write.

She holds out her hand. He takes it and they walk off, towards the dawn.

Mobile phones start ringing, coalescing into sounds of wild celebrations at news of London winning the 2012 Olympics. Four young men appear, wearing baseball caps and with rucksacks slung on their backs.

Blackout.