The Black Dagger Brotherhood: An Insider's Guide

Brothers on the Board

When the adventure of these books being released first started, back in September of 2005, I had no idea how popular they would become. I was also incredibly clueless about the Internet. I didn’t even know that Yahoo! Groups existed, or that message boards were a way authors connected with their readers, or that blogs and online reviewers were so important.

It wasn’t until after Lover Eternal came out in March of 2006 that I started to focus on what kind of Internet presence I wanted to have. I set up a Yahoo! Group and started a message board. Now, three years later, we have thousands and thousands of readers on both, and have established a good community of folks.

Naturally, the Brothers come out every once in a while on the message board, and one of the best things about their visits, to me, is how the readers get involved. As whatever rolls goes down, the Cellies (as the enthusiastic members of the message board call themselves) join in, adding their comments (and actions!). I can’t tell you the number of times I’ll be rolling in hysterics, not just because of what the Brothers are doing, but because the readers are right along with them.

Here are just a few of my favorite frat-boy moments, and not surprisingly Rhage tends to be front and center in a lot of them. Bear in mind, when the Brothers come out on the board, they are in terms of their stories wherever I am in the process of writing, and I’m always at least one book ahead of where the readers are—so when V gets razzed for falling in love with Jane, the book that was out was actually Lover Revealed. Also, for the most part, as you follow the action, the Brothers are on their computers, but you’ll see when what transpires slips into action—and you’ll have to use your suspension of disbelief a little in these parts! Finally, I’ve edited out the Cellie comments and changed the content a little so it makes sense out of context, but you can enjoy the threads in all their glory on the BDB boards, which can be found at www.jrwardbdb.com/forum/index.php.

May 4, 2006

RHAGE

Top Ten things Vishous docs when he’s not fighting

10. Stare into space wishing secretly he had someone like Mary

9. Drink Goose

8. Think to himself, Boy, if only someone like Mary would come into my lite

7. Drink more Goose

6. Light hand rolled

5. Doodle on paper, Vishous + (blank) = Happily Ever After

4. Throw something at Butch

3. Wonder if he’ll he lucky enough someday to have someone like Mary sleeping next to him

2. Trim that godforsaken goatee

1. Pray to the Scribe Virgin that she will grant him true love someday

I think that’s about right. Oh, except for snarl and glare a lot…:)

CELLIE 1

I am so feeling the love between the Brothers…I don’t know. Rhage, I’ve heard things about V’s. um.. habits.. don’t you think that might scare a lot of women off?

RHAGE

Frankly, I think he hypnotizes them. I mean, who in their right mind would volunteer for that shit? Especially with a guy who’s got an ugly mug like V—with fuzz around his mouth.

You know…razors are not all that expensive. If he just chilled on buying all that hardware for his desk, he could probably afford a Mach 5. Then again, maybe he needs something stronger…something with a little more HP. Note to self: tell Wrath to increase V’s allowance so he can buy a Weedwacker for that thing on his puss.

WRATH

Good, I’m on. I didn’t chink this would work.

Okay, boys, shouldn’t you be crashed out? We got First Meal in three hours. Cut jerking each other off and grab some shut-eye. Long night ahead.

VISHOUS

With all due respect, my Lord… I don’t sleep much. Ya know…Butch keeps me up. And I like the goatee. Grew it, like, a year ago. The females haven’t complained.

RHAGE

V, my brother, you and I both know why the females don’t complain. It’s because of the ball gag. (Kidding.)

And Wrath is right. I gotta go back to bed.

Back to MARY.

Mary…………………….

Oh, I love my Mary.

VISHOUS

Speaking of ball gags…you ever try one, Hollywood?

And yeah, even though it kills me to say this.. have fun witcha female, true? I’ll see you at First Meal.

BUTCH O’NEAL

FYI, V likes to shake it at the ladi—

VISHOUS

Sorry…message was interrupted because I had to beat his ass.

May 8, 2006

RHAGE (in his bedroom, posting in V’s room on the board)

Hi, my name is V

(“hi, V”)

I’ve been knitting for 125 years now

(*gasping noises*)

Its begun to impact my personal relationships: my brothers think I’m a nancy

Its begun to affect my health: I’m getting a callus on my forefinger and I find bits of yarn in all my pockets and I smell like wool

I can’t concentrate at work: I keep picturing all these lessers in Irish sweaters and thick socks

(* sounds of sympathy*)

I’ve come seeking a community of people who like me are trying not to knit

Can you help me?

(“we’re with you!”)

Thank you (*takes out hand-knitted hankie in pink*)

(*sniffles*)

(“we embrace you, V!”)

VISHOUS (in the Pit)

Oh hell no…you did not just put that up.

And nice spelling in the title.

Man…you just have to roll up on me, don’t you.

I got four words for you, my brother.

RHAGE

Four words? Okay…lemme see…

Rhage, you’re SO sexy

Hmmm…

Rhage, you’re SO smart

No wait!

Rhage, you’re SO right!

That’s it, isn’t it…g’head. You can tell me…

VISHOUS

First one starts with a “P”

Use your head for the other three.

Bastard.

RHAGE

P?

Hmmmmm…

Please pass the yarn

VISHOUS

Payback

Is

A

Bitch

RHAGE

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I’m so scurrrred…

Can you whip me up a blanket to hide under?

BUTCH O’NEAL (in the Pit)

Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…

Do any of you guys know why V just hightailed it out of here?

With a can of shaving cream?

And an expression on his face like someone pissed on his Escalade?

BELLA (in the billiards room on the lappy)

Holy shit Butch…V is like on fire—what did Rhage do?

BUTCH O’NEAL

Never mind… I found it.

Knitting. Again.

Man…V’s just got to stop letting Rhage get under him like that! LOLOL My boy doesn’t even knit!

*races for tunnel, heading for mansion at dead run*

PHURY (in his bedroom)

Hey…V just came by my room.

He left with a razor…

BELLA

Phury! Why did you give him that!

PHURY

Well…he had shaving cream and said he needed to shave something…

I mean, how was I to know? I’ll go after him…

*races out*

RHAGE

*looks up from computer as V bursts though the door*

Shit!

*lunges for the window* *doesn’t make it*

MARY LUCE (in the foyer)

*running for the stairs*

VISHOUS!

VISHOUS! YOU TOUCH THAT HELLREN OF MINE AND YOUR FOUR TOYS ARE GOING TO END UP IN THE COURTYARD! AND UNDER MY CAR!

MARY LUCE

*throws open bedroom door*

OMG

MARY LUCE

O………M………G

BUTCH O’NEAL

*bursts in to Rhagc and Mary’s bedroom*

Man…First Meal is going to be SO much fun tonight.

I think I’ll wear chain mail…

*shudders*

*laughing my ass off right now…*

May 8, 2006

VISHOUS (back in the Pit, posting in Rhage’s room on the board)

Hi! My name is Rhage…:)

I’m starting a new trend in facial hair.

Having one eyebrow is COOL.

Having one eyebrow is SEXY.

Having one eyebrow is very INTELLECTUAL.

Come! Join me!

RHAGE (in his bedroom)

1. He immobilized me, die motherfucker. Or I would have gone to work on that goatee. AND IF HE WERE SO TOUGH HE WOULDN’T HAVE HAD TO PUT A WHAMMY ON MY ASS TO GET AT ME.

2. My hair grows hack VERY fast. I should be BACK TO NORMAL in a couple of days.

3. Even if it takes me the rest of this month…he has SO got it coming to him.

VISHOUS

Rhage! What happened to your eyebrow!

Why…it’s gone.

Did you slip while you were shaving?

Hey…lemme ask you something…

Does your head feel off-kilter? You know, heavier on one side?

RHAGE

Sure…yeah…laugh it up now that you’re back at the Pit.

I’m coming for you, boy. When you least expect it, I’m going to be there.

VISHOUS

You threatening me, big guy?

You know…you could lose the OTHER one… I mean, accidents happen…

*laughing so hard it’s hard to type*

RHAGE

* trying hard to keep a straight face*

* loses it—starts laughing my ass off*

My brother! How could you do this to me! I mean…for real! I look like a freak!

MARY LUCE (in their bedroom)

There are a lot of women on this board, right? I mean…there are a lot of US here (as opposed to MEN who have BIZARRE ways of expressing themselves)…

The only thing that saves these two knuckleheads from being total bores is that they ALWAYS end up cracking themselves up—I mean…you wouldn’t BELIEVE how often this happens here.

THEY ARE CRAZY!

*bats away Rhage’s hand from waist*

Stop it…I’m typing.

You want to know what they did last week?

*laughs as Rhage nuzzles her neck*

Stop it! So do you want to know—

VISHOUS

How about now, Hollywood?

You wanna throw down? Why don’t you come to the Pit, my brother, and we’ll have at it.

Cop’ll time the rounds.

RHAGE

Not now, V.

I’m with Mary and I’m going to be…busy for a while.

*works his way up Mary’s neck to her lips*

J R WARD

Do you see what I have to deal with in my head!

LOLOL

And yeah…Rhage is definitely…busy right now…

It’s time for me to get back to Butch, too!

September 20, 2006

RHAGE (in his bathroom)

*peers into bathroom mirror* *looks back at Mary*

You sure this is going to stay in place?

MARY LUCE

Are you sure you have to do this?

BUTCH O’NEAL (in mansions kitchen)

*standing over kitchen sink*

*working the faucet*

RHAGE

*to Mary* Promise me this will stay in place.

*tugs at black wig*

MARY LUCE

You have enough bobby pins in there to set off the metal detectors at the airport.

*shakes head*

FRITZ (outside Rhage and Mary’s bedroom)

*knocks on door*

Sire?

I have what you requested.

RHAGE

*claps hands* Hot dayum.

Let the fun begin.

*kisses Mary*

*draws on black silk bathrobe*

*jogs to the door*

*opens it*

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, yeah.

That’s what I’m talking about!

FRITZ

*hands over Boom Box the size of Chicago*

We are prepared to go to the Pit, sire.

*smiles* Such fun!

RHAGE

*claps Fritz on the shoulder*

Attaboy!

*heads out into hall*

*two finger whistles*

*hollers* WE ON!

WRATH (in study)

*hears whistle*

Hot fucking damn.

*leaps up from desk*

*jogs out of study*

*stops short*

OH SHIT! *busts out laughing*

PHURY (in his bedroom)

*hears whistle*

*stabs out red smoke hand-rolled*

*runs out of bedroom*

*stops dead* Oh my fucking God!

*starts to laugh at sight of Rhage in black wig that looks just like V’s hair*

*yells* YO, Z!

ZSADIST (in billiards room)

*hears whistle*

*hears Phury call his name*

*runs to the bottom of the stairs from the billiards room*

*watches as Rhage, Phury, and Wrath jog down grand staircase*

*fights smile*

*loses*

You are fucking ugly as a brunette. S’all I’m saying.

And that robe. What the fuck s under it?

*Rhage flashes*

OMG!

RHAGE

*yells to kitchen*

COP, YOU GOOD TO GO?

BUTCH O’NEAL

*comes out of kitchen with two Super Soakers cocked and ready to rock*

*pulls a Bruce Willis, both pump-action specials held up high*

Yippce-kayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy-yay, motherfuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucker!

RHAGE

*glares at cop* Yeah, okay, that’s my line.

Let’s move it!

*sets off for hidden door under stairs, Wrath, Z. Phury, and Butch behind him*

September 20, 2006

VISHOUS (in training center’s weight room)

*pumping on the bench press*

*Biggie Smalls in the ears*

12………………………………

13………………………………

14………………………………

*grits teeth* *pecs go rock-hard*

RHAGE

*pauses outside of weight room*

*whispers* We ready?

BUTCH O’NEAL

Yeah, but do we have basket of—

ZSADIST

Didn’t Fritz bring a boom box?

RHAGE

*throws open weight room door*

My brother!

What up?

*grins like a sick bastard*

VISHOUS

*puts weights up on the rack slowly*

What the………………………………fuck—

RHAGE

Hold him, my brothers!

*puts Boom Box down on weight bench*

*cranks it wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide open*

*karaoke version of sappy-ass love song plays to which Rhage adds free-floating peach-oriented verses*

VISHOUS

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO—

BUTCH O’NEAL

*tosses Super Soakers to Phury* *cranks V into a choke hold*

In honor of your new situation in life—

RHAGE

*whips down robe, revealing black wife-beater that reads on front:

VISHOUS THE MIGHTY HAS FALLEN

* turns around with robe around his hips*

MY FEMALE IS THE BOSS OF ME

VISHOUS

Oh, fuck me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*gets cut off by Zsadist, who steps up to him*

ZSADIST

This is for your own good.

*pinches V’s nose closed*

*when V opens mouth*

*shoves motherfucking peach in the piehole*

RHAGE

*singing, bouncing to the fucking beat*

*shakes his moneymaker*

*Cabbage Patches it, then points to back of wife-beater*

Ain’t that right, V?????

Who’s your mama?

VISHOUS

*bites down tin MFN peach*

*wishes it were Rhage’s MFN arm*

BUTCH O’NEAL

Hit him, Phury!

PHURY

* tosses one Super Soaker to Wrath*

*lets his fly*

* peach juice splatters alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll over V*

WRATH

*catches other Super Soaker on the fly*

*lambastes V with peach juice*

RHAGE

*still singing*

*turns around and drops robe to floor* *across ass reads:*

PUSSY-WHIPPED

VISHOUS

*plots the deaths of all his brothers and his roommate*

*but starts to laugh his ass off*

RHAGE

*working it like a flippin’ idiot*

*shaking the junk in his trunk*

VISHOUS

*blinks from the MFN peach juice in his eyes*

*thinks of his female*

*figures, WTF, she’s so worth it*

RHAGE

*music fades*

*breathes deeply from the workout*

*walks up to V*

Now…*breath* V…I know you like to…*breath* give the orders.

But you’re…going to tell everyone here that you love her.

In front of all these people…*breath* you’re going to say that you love her.

Then we’re even for the Mary shit. Mostly.

ZSADIST

*rips peach out of V’s mouth*

Damn, my brother…you smell like a frickin’ peach.

*smiles* Although… I like one peach. You ain’t her thou.

VISHOUS

*swallows*

*drags in breath*

*sucks peach flesh from fangs*

*glares at Rhage*

RHAGE

Do it.

VISHOUS

*takes deep breath*

VISHOUS

*feels lick of fear, which pisses him the fuck off*

RHAGE

DO IT!

VISHOUS

I love her.

VISHOUS

I love her.

VISHOUS

I love her.

VISHOUS

I love her!

VISHOUS

I love her!!!!!!!!!

VISHOUS

*draws in great breath*

*screams until die cords in his neck stand out and his voice goes hoarse*

I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RHAGE

Well-done, my brother.

Let him go, Z.

*claps hand on V’s shoulder*

*puts forehead on V’s*

Well-done and well blessed…

VISHOUS

This is one fight I don’t mind losing…

*clasps back of Rhage’s neck*

*holds on*

RHAGE

Now…no offense…but you need a flicking shower.

*grins while ripping off black wig*

Oh, and by the way? You can have this shirt. And the sweats.

VISHOUS

*shakes head as his brothers and roommate file out*

*wipes his face on arm*

*licks arm*

*thinks… I MFN love peaches*

*heads for the Pit*

September 20, 2006

VISHOUS (in the Pit)

*opens door from underground tunnel*

*sniffs…*

WTF?

Smells like…

VISHOUS

*frowns*

*walks down the hall to his bedroom*

VISHOUS

*reaches past doorjamb to bedroom and flips on light*

OHHHHHHHHH GOD—

VISHOUS

*jaw falls open*

*entire room is painted peach*

*bed linens are peach*

*rug is peach*

*drapes are peach*

*lamp shade is peach*

VISHOUS

*walks over to closet*

*whips open doors*

Oh sweet Mary mother of GOD…

*peach shirts hang on hangers*

*peach jacket on peg*

*peach fakakta shitkickers on floor*

*expression of horror settles on face as reaches for gun closet*

VISHOUS

*opens up gun closet*

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Not the GLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCKS!

tRhage (in the Pit)

*pokes head through bedroom doorway*

Hey, this looks great!

And…V…that “I love my female” shit? Nice, very nice…but I did tell you it only got you mostly forgiven.

*grins*

VISHOUS

*levels diamond stare at Rhage*

The Glocks, too…?

RHAGE

Just water-based, buddy. Don’t get your peach knickers in a wad.

*grins even wider*

VISHOUS

You realize this can’t go unavenged?

That this just raises the bar?

RHAGE

Not only do I know that…

I’m motherfucking counting on it.

*laughs* Ball’s in your court, my brother.

Or not, as the case may be.

*heads out the door laughing*

*pauses and leans back in*

You know I am happy for you, right? Very happy…yeah, this has been a long time in coming.

*shakes head*

RHAGE

Funny…I’m not like you, I don’t see into the future and shit.

Rut somehow…now…I know for sure yours is a good one.

Later, my brother.

*******************FINIS*********************

February 19, 2007

J R WARD

Welllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll…

As usual, I was wrong.

V is going to be bigger than Butch.

At this point, I would bet the finished MS will come in at about 600 pages. Butch was 582 or something.

*sigh*

VISHOUS (in the Pits living room)

Smoke that cop.

BUTCH O’NEAL (in his bedroom at the Pit)

Bigger ain’t better, roomie.

VISHOUS

Said the pencil to the baseball bat.

BUTCH O’NEAL

Maybe you’re just fat. I mean, now that you’re all in love and shit, you prolly just sissy around daydreaming and eating bonbons.

Hey, didn’t I see a bunch of Lindt wrappers around your bed?

VISHOUS

Speaking of bonbons, why don’t you fess up what you did for Marissa for Valentine’s Day.

BUTCH O’NEAL

Don’t change the subject.

Why front? Look, there’s nothing wrong with lying around, staring at the ceiling, sucking back truffles, and pining for your female to come home.

Of course, that’s if you’re a dog, I suppose.

BUTCH O’NEAL

Hey, do I need to hit Pets.com and score you some flea spray and a new leash? I could get you a pink one to match that nail polish you’re wearing.

VISHOUS

Two words, ya bastard.

CONSTRUCTION.

PAPER.

Tell me something, did you use the safety scissors like I asked you to?

BUTCH O’NEAL

Two words for you:

CYNDI.

LAUPER.

VISHOUS

Clearly, the paste you ate has gone to your head.

Did Marissa like all that lace you glued on?

Oh…and I’m talking to your body, not that ridiculous card you made her.

BUTCH O’NEAL

*tilts head to the side*

How does that song go?

Memememememememcmeme…

*sings song about true colors*

*badly*

VISHOUS

I have no idea what you are talking about.

BUTCH O’NEAL

Oh. Really.

So you deny that shit was playing in the weight room yesterday?

VISHOUS

Please. Like I listen to crap like that?

BUTCH O’NEAL

So you deny that song was also playing in the Escalade last night?

VISHOUS

Don’t act the fool.

BUTCH O’NEAL

So you deny that song was ALSO coming out of your shower early this morning.

VISHOUS

You’re imagining shit—

RHAGE (in his bedroom on the laptop)

You know…I saw him doodling the other day while he was doing the NYT crossword puzzle. Guess what he was writing?

VISHOUS

Rhage is a gum-flapping moron.

There. Mystery solved.

RHAGE

Well, there was that part that went: Rhage is so beautiful, I wish I weren’t an ugly-ass wanker and could be half as hot as him.

Rut I digress.

Guess what the two words were?

BUTCH O’NEAL

I SUCK.

No, wait!

WHERE’S JANE?

Oh, even better.

MORE TISSUES.

’Cause he cries like a bitch when she ain’t around.:)

RHAGE

“TRUE COLORS.”

I swear, boy’s got a Lauper fixation.

You know what’s next? He’s going to toss his Jay-Z and his Pac and load up on Manilow and the Bee Gees.

No more G-Unit tor him. From now on? Easy listening, disco drool.

VISHOUS

Lauper is NOT disco!

RHAGE

Oh…no…

Ob, hell no.

You didn’t just go there.

You didn’t just defend CYNDI LAUPER.

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL—

BUTCH O’NEAL

*starts to weep*

I can’t deal. I can’t fuckin’ deal.

How the mighty have fallen—

V? Where are you going?

Hey! V—shit—

VISHOUS (in Bunch’s bedroom)

*holds up red heart made of construction paper with paper lace carefully glued all around the edges*

*reads cursive lettering of the sort that suggests maker of card spent hours getting the words to look right*

My dearest Marissa,

No commercial card could do justice

To how I feel for you,

No Hallmark whimsy or e-card flimsy

could count as even half as true.

I made this card and labored hard,

to make it worthy of this day…

and here is what my heart has to say:

I love you. I need you. I want you.

I am always yours.

Love, Butch

VISHOUS (in Butch’s bedroom)

*eyes roommate*

And you want to smack my ass about Lauper?

Please, next thing you know you’re going to be writing jingles for Lifetime and Oxygen.

RHAGE

You wrote that, cop?

You fuck in wrote that?

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL—

MARY LUCE (from their bathroom)

Rhage…you better stop giving them a hard time or I’ll tell them what you did for me for V Day.

RHAGE

*clams up*

*coughs*

The Board’s PG-13, Mary. So you couldn’t—

VISHOUS

Mary, you have excellent timing.

Do tell.

BUTCH O’NEAL

Yeah, this is FANTASTIC.

*glares at V*

Now give me my fuckin’ card back.

VISHOUS

*holds up overhead*

*runs down hall*

*circles around Foosball table*

Not until you admit that that is the WORST piece of sappy-ass writing in the world. I swear, this thing is dripping with sugar. I’m about to go into a diabetic coma.

Now, Mary, fill us in—OW!

Fuck you, cop. *rubs shoulder*

BUTCH O’NEAL

*takes card back* *carefully makes sure lace is still properly attached*

I’d rather write my own sap than cop the shit from Cyndi mothafuckin’ LAUPER.

Now, Mary, spill, if you will.

RHAGE

Oh…God…someone shoot me.

VISHOUS

My pleasure.

BUTCH O’NEAL

Me first!

VISHOUS

Let me handle it, cop. You’ve got to hold your precious little card there, Casanova.

My aim’ll be better.

Mary?

MARY LUCE

Well, you know those tubes of cake icing you can get at the store?

RHAGE

Mary, please—

WRATH (from laptop in study)

Can it, Hollywood.

I wanna hear this.

In fact, I’m making a kingly resolution. You don’t open your mouth again till she’s finished or I’ll hang you.

BETH RANDALL (behind him in the study)

Wrath. You sure you want to go there?

WRATH

*mutters* Shit.

Leelan, listen, just because Mary—

BETH RANDALL

Uh-huh. Riiiiiiiiight.

Mary, you first. Then it’s my turn.

MARY LUCE

LOL Fabulous!

Anyway, he asked Fritz to get him one of those tubes of decorating icing, then laid himself out naked on our bed and wrote:

MARY’S LOVE BUG

across his chest.

Then he asked me to lick it off.

VISHOUS

Oh, that’s masculine.

Yeah.

Totally.

RHAGE

Listen. GIRLS JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN, you’re not exactly poppin’ the testosterone either.

VISHOUS

But I didn’t LOVE BUG my own ass.

BUTCH O’NEAL

OH MY GOD OHMYGOD OHMYGOD OHMYGOD…

I can’t fuck in’ stop laughing!

*braces hands on knees*

*roars with laughter*

RHAGE

I swear, I’m going to take that card and shove it up your—

MARY LUCE

Rhage, don’t be rude.

So, Beth—what did Wrath do?

WRATH

Nothing.

It was a night just like any—

BETH RANDALL

A night like any other?

So what have I been missing?

As near as I can recall, you’ve never before done the rose-petal-on-the-bed thing.

VISHOUS

*busts out laughing*

Oh, shit…you didn’t rose-petal the bed, my lord.

Tell me you didn’t go like that?

RHAGE

He petaled the bed?

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!

LOLOLOLOLOLOL

Then what happened?

WRATH

Just so all of you are aware…the use of drawing and quartering has fallen out of favor.

But I’m thinking of reviving the practice.

I’m REALLY thinking of bringing that shit back.

BETH RANDALL

He lit a bunch of candles—

BUTCH O’NEAL

Were they pretty pink ones?

Scented with something sweet like lavender—

WRATH

Watch it, cop. Or you’ll find yourself in pieces.

And they were black.

VISHOUS

I SO approve.

WRATH

They were used for light only, V. Not your kind of shit.

BETH RANDALL

Anyway, he laid me out on the rose petals, got on his knees beside the bed, and took out a little red box.

VISHOUS

Inside of which was a…

REALLY BADLY WORDED HANDMADE CARD WITH LACE AROUND IT?

BUTCH O’NEAL

Fuck you.

It was a Cyndi Lauper’s Greatest Hits CD.

J R WARD

Can I go back to work now?

VISHOUS

Stuff it, Challa.

NO.

RHAGE

NO.

BUTCH O’NEAL

NO.

WRATH

YES. That’s an order.

BETH RANDALL

ANYWAY! So he’s on his knees with the little red box, which has Cartier written on it.

He opens it and—

WRATH

Pair of ruby earrings. No BFD.

Told her I loved her and blah blah blah. Okay, back to—

BETH RANDALL

AND he said to me that they were very rare and perfectly matched. Just like our hearts.

VISHOUS

No offense, my lord…but I’m going to hurl.

Right after I stop laughing my ass off!

LOL

BUTCH O’NEAL

OMG! That is just so SWEET!

Did you get the two of you matching robes with hearts on them, too? Matching socks with hearts? Matching long johns with hearts? Matching—

WRATH

You know what also matches?

Two black eyes.

J R WARD

Okay, that’s IT!

I have to go back to V.

ENOUGH!

VISHOUS

Yeah, sure, now that the deets are out you decide to get hard ass.

Fine…finish me already. God knows, it’s taken you long enough, Challa.

*********************FINIS*********************

WRATH

Can’t let V have the last word. Sorry, I’m the king, that’s my zip code.

Don’t listen to V bitching about his book getting done. He’s just got a dime between his checks about his story getting out.

You know him, he’s about as well adjusted as a broken wheelbarrow.

LATER.

So, yeah, the Brothers definitely are just the way they are in the books when they come out on the boards—there’s a lot of fooling around. But it’s not all fun and games.

Lassiter, the fallen angel who is introduced in Lover Enshrined, actually made his first appearance on the boards. It was so odd. As is typical of the Brothers, I can be doing something totally unrelated to them when all of a sudden it’s WHAM! —download time. Lassiter was like that. I had him in the back of my mind for a long time, knowing only bits and pieces of what he was. And then one night I was just answering questions…

I’ll let you see for yourself. Again, the Cellie comments have been largely edited out, and some changes have been so the content makes sense, but here’s Lassiter’s grand entrance:

May 13, 2006

LASSITER (from laptop, located God only knows where)

Well, well, well…looks like you finally man’d up, vampire.

Remember me?

WRATH (in study at the Brotherhood’s mansion)

I thought you were dead.

LASSITER

That all you got to say to me?

WRATH

Gee…your hair is SO different.

LASSITER

You can’t see me, so how do you know what it looks like, Blind King?

WRATH

Two things about your kind will always be true. And the second is your hair never changes.

So where are you?

LASSITER

Shit, you’ve found a sense of humor. How lucky for your Brothers.

I hear you have a queen now, vampire.

WRATH

You didn’t answer my question.

Where are you?

LASSITER

Worried, Blind King?

WRATH

Scared to tell me?

LASSITER

Touché. Let’s just say I’m around.

And wanted to make sure you knew it.

WRATH

I’ve got SUCH a case of the warm and fuzzies right now, you can’t believe it.

VISHOUS (in the Pit)

My lord, I’m about two inches away from blocking his sorry ass. You just say the word.

LASSITER

OMG.

Look who’s here. How are those tats of yours?

VISHOUS

Fuck you. Right now. Right here.

Do yourself a favor and get gone.

WRATH

Easy, V. You know what they say about enemies.

VISHOUS

Yeah, they’re best hung by their necks.

LASSITER

Vishous, such passion from you, the cold one.

Guess you haven’t forgotten me. I’m touched.

VISHOUS

You want to get touched…I’ll touch you, all right—

WRATH

ENOUGH. V, back the fuck off.

And, Lassiter, I want to know why you’re rolling up in my house. Now of all times.

LASSITER

Just wanted to say hello. And congratulate your on your ascendance.

WRATH

So dial up FTD and send my ass some flowers. But cut the shit and get off my board.

LASSITER

Why would I do that? You wouldn’t be able to see them.

WRATH

That’s too petty for you.

Which makes me realize something…

VISHOUS

Let me hunt him, my Lord. PLEASE let me hunt him.

RHAGE (in his bedroom)

OMG, he’s alive.

LASSITER

Yeah. Go figure.

How goes it, big warrior? Oh—wait, I know how it is with you. How many females have you done this week, Rhage?

RHAGE

One. Only one. And fuck you, BTW.

Shit.. this is too weird.

WRATH

LOL

So, Lassiter, I can only assume by your charming conversation that you want something from us.

Unless it’s a stab wound or a broken femur, I don’t know if we’re much in the mood to indulge you.

PHURY (in his bedroom)

God…I can’t stand it.

LASSITER

Which is why you’re celibate, right?

And Wrath, hell, vampire…we always throw down. It’s always been oil and water.

PHURY

How’s that female of yours. Still missing?

LASSITER

YOU DO NOT SPEAK OF HER.

PHURY

You want respect? Trying throwing some of it first.

LASSITER

YOU DO NOT SPEAK OF HER:

WRATH

Enough!

I’m bored with the drama. Phury, V…Rhage. Off the Board. NOW.

You know where I want you, so get your asses up here. As for you, Lassiter—

LASSITER

Look…shit, vampire, I didn’t come here to stir shit.

Well, maybe a little.

And you’re right. I may need something.

VISHOUS

Like a hole right in your head.

FYI I got something that can take care of that. It’s called a Glock nine—

WRATH

Vishous, log the fuck exit! You are NOT helping.

LASSITER

Yeah, run along, you glow-in-the-dark fr—

Shit. I’m doing it again.

Look…I just wanted to…

Maybe later. This just isn’t the time. Or the place.

WRATH

True.

On both accounts. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have business with the Brothers.

And just a little word of advice. Having V pissed off at you is like strapping a bull’s-eye to your chest and walkin’ onto a pistol range. You might consider moving from wherever you are. Because even if you scramble your IP and play hide-and-go-seek with the Internet shit, he will find where you were based on this happy little session. When he does, I seriously doubt I’ll be able to talk him down. Probably won’t try too hard at it, either.

LASSITER

Fair enough, vampire. Fair enough.

But I’ll be back. If the Fates allow. Later, Blind King.

May 13, 2006

VISHOUS (in the Pit)

You game?

RHAGE (in his bedroom)

Abso-fucking-lutely. When?

VISHOUS

It’s going to rake some time to get there—

WRATH (in the study)

Do you think I don’t know you’re still gum-flapping?

Asses up here, now.

I’m in a pissed-off mood to begin with, and if I have to wait more than a minute and a half for you two, I’m going to put my fist through the wall.

VISHOUS

Coming.

RHAGE

Me, too, my Lord.

June 20, 2006

CELLIE I

hi! I’m fairly new to die board and i usually lurk. i was curious what is the book order for the guys? who comes after butch etc? i wasn’t able to find the link so if it’s already been discussed, my bad!

J R WARD

I would LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE to write Blay’s and also Qhuinn’s books.

YUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM

LASSITER (from his laptop, God only knows where)

WHAT ABOUT MINE

VISHOUS (in the Pit)

Sorry, she doesn’t bother with your kind.

LASSITER

You sure about that? Maybe you’re just worried she’ll forget about you.

VISHOUS

Yeah, right. Because you’re so fucking distracting.

How’s your car?

Ooops…I mean your pile of metal flakes.

LASSITER

Cheap shot, vampire. But then, I’d expect it from you. Sneaking in. Ashing a male’s place. Yeah, that’s some scary shit, right there.

VISHOUS

You had to know I was coming. Guess you just raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan away.

LASSITER

Hey, Vishous…when you look in the mirror, do you ever wonder what your daddy would think of you now?

RHAGE (in his bedroom)

Whooooooooooooooooa, okay.

Time to chill this out. Lassiter, get the fuck off the Boards—

VISHOUS

When you look in the mirror, do you wonder where that female of yours is?

LASSITER

Just for that, I’m sending you a little present in the mail, vampire.

WRATH (in the study)

Vishous, Rhage, off the Boards. NOW.

Lassiter, got a little news flash for you, buddy. You’re not making friends, asshole. And a guy like you…man, shit, you got plenty of people who want your head on a stake.

We’re more than happy to hop on that train.

You want a six-pack of enemies? You just keep this shit up.

LASSITER

Just looking for airtime, Blind King. Just looking for airtime.

And tell your boy V that he needs to run home to Daddy—

Oh! I’m sorry. Daddy’s dead, isn’t he.

VISHOUS

I will kill you. I swear to fucking God, I will—

LASSITER

Funny thing about my kind…we’re hard to see, hard to find.

You ever consider that maybe I’m right behind you?

VISHOUS

I’m out of here.

Kiss your sister for me, cocksucker.

LASSITER

Jesus Christ…

Check your mail, vampire.

Later.

WRATH

Vishous, you get your ass up to the main house.

BUTCH O’NEAL (in the Pit)

What the hell is going on? V’s shut himself in his room and—

FUCK!

WRATH

Cop…

Cop?

RHAGE

I’m going over there!

WRATH

*alarms going off like crazy*

*Wrath runs out of study*

ZSADIST (in main house)

*tears off in the direction of the Pit*

PHURY

*runs for underground tunnel with the rest of the Brothers*

BUTCH O’NEAL

*grabs fire extinguisher*

*kicks open V’s bedroom door*

*lets fly with the spray*

RHAGE

*burst into Pit*

*races for V’s bedroom*

*grabs first thing that he sees—a comforter*

*pulls a flying tackle, taking V down to the floor*

WRATH

*skids into doorway of V’s bedroom*

*looks at scene*

*sees huge scorched pattern on walls, ceiling, and floor, as if explosion went off*

*sees Rhage get thrown off Vishous*

*V wheels around, a savage expression on his face*

V…V, just chill—

BUTCH O’NEAL

*turns off fire extinguisher*

*listens to dripping sounds*

*smells smoke*

Holy…shit.

VISHOUS

*scrubs face with glowing hand*

*looks at brothers*

*becomes instantly composed, so calm he’s robotlike*

*glances at Rhage*

You okay? I tossed you hard.

RHAGE

Yeah, I’m good. I’m…ah, yeah.

*reaches out*

VISHOUS

Don’t touch me. Don’t anybody fucking touch me.

I’m going to the gym.

I’m…going to the gym and then I’ll come back and clean this shit up.

*walks out, heading for tunnel*

ZSADIST

*watches V leave*

*without making a sound, disappears into tunnel*

VISHOUS

*stops in tunnel*

For shit s sake, Z, I don’t need a babysitter.

ZSADIST

DO I LOOK LIKE A FUCKING BABYSITTER TO YOU

I’M WORKING OUT NOW

GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU OR YOUR FRYIN’ ASS

VISHOUS

I want to be alone.

ZSADIST

WITH ME YOU ARE ALONE

VISHOUS

*throws up hands*

*keeps walking*

*is very aware that Z is right behind him. All the way to the gym.*

July 10, 2006

CELLIE 1

WARDen, I am amazed and in awe of your skill and talent. I hope the Brothers never stop talking. Enough said.

J R WARD

Me frickin’ too…

I have great hope for the new ones…John and Blaylock and Qhuinn and, yeah…the new ones.

CELLIE 2

And your hope gives us hope too, WARDen…

But not a sodding time machine in sight here…Bugger!

J R WARD

LOLOL!

CELLIE 3

And dare I add, Lassiter too!

J R WARD

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm LASSITER

LASSITER (from his laptop, God only knows where)

You rang?

J R WARD

Oh, hell, no…we are not doing this righ—

LEEBRA725 Site Admin

Oh, this is gonna be gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood………….

*grabs the popcorn*

VISHOUS (in the Pit)

Sorry asshole…she’s busy. LATER.

LASSITER

Busy, huh.

With you?

VISHOUS

She is permanently busy when it comes to you. How about that?

LASSITER

I’m going to make a liar out of you.

VISHOUS

Good luck. LATER.

LASSITER

Oh, I think Ima stay right here. Why don’t you run along. Run, run away—

J R WARD

Like I said, we’re not doing this right now. My eyelids are drooping and I have to—

VISHOUS

No offense, Challa, but you don’t get a vote.

Lassiter, do you remember the grave?

LASSITER

Yeah. What about it.

VISHOUS

Meet me there.

WRATH (in the study)

Hi, V. Remember me? I’m your Brother. Your king. The motherfucker who can put you on hiatus?

Okay…good. I’ve got your attention.

Now get the fuck off the Boards. And come to my study. NOW.

LASSITER

Vishous. I’ll be there. Hour before dawn.

You got any balls, you’ll show. It’s your fucking idea.

WRATH

Lassiter, you just don’t know when to quit, do you?

LASSITER

I have something you want, vampire.

Something you’re missing.

Be nice, asshole.

And what? You afraid your precious little Magic 8 Ball, that whacked-out FREAK, might get hurt?

J R WARD

I’m tired…can I go to be—

WRATH

I will be there.

Hour before dawn.

Don’t fuck around. I am perfectly capable of killing you just because you bore the shit out of me.

LASSITER

Well, well, well…

an audience with the king…

wonder what I should wear?

WRATH

With the mood I’m in? Body armor.

And do yourself a favor. Come armed. You might live longer.

LASSITER

You know my kind. Our weapons arc always concealed and always with us.

Hour before dawn.

I’ll be there, vampire.

LASSITER

Oh, PS leave the FREAK at home.

He and I don’t get along.

LATER.

VISHOUS

I’m going with you, my Lord.

WRATH

Fuck you, V.

He’s a shithead, but you are part of the problem.

VISHOUS

Then take Rhage. But you need backup.

WRATH

EXCUSE ME?

VISHOUS

You know what he’s capable of.

WRATH

GET THE FUCK UP HERE. NOW.

BETH RANDALL (from laptop in their bedroom)

Wrath?

WRATH

Not now.

BETH RANDALL

Yes, now.

WRATH

What.

BETH RANDALL

I know what he is. And the only way you are meeting him an hour before dawn without any support is over my dead body.

Period.

WRATH

Jesus Christ, leelan, what the—

J R WARD

Can I go to bed now? I have to get up at six—

BETH RANDALL

My. Dead. Body.

So who will you take with you?

VISHOUS

Thank you for talking some sense into—

BETH RANDALL

Vishous. stay out of this. And don’t go into the study.

Wrath? You were about to answer me.

ZSADIST

I’M GOING WITH HIM

WRATH

Shit. Is Z acceptable, leelan?

BETH RANDALL

Perfectly acceptable, as long as he is fully armed.

ZSADIST

WHAT THE FUCK

LIKE I’D CO IN BALLET SLIPPERS

WRATH

*starts to laugh*

*pushes wraparounds up on forehead and nibs eyes*

Fine. Fuck it.

Now, Beth…I gave you something you wanted.

How ’bout you come on down to my study and give me something I want.

BETH RANDALL

How about you make peace with Vishous and then come find me.

WRATH

V?

Quick, hook a Brother up.

We cool?

VISHOUS

Welllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll…

WRATH

You are a CRUEL motherfucker.

Come on!

VISHOUS

Beg me.

BETH RANDALL

Vishous, that’s just mean.

And that’s my line, not yours.

Never mind. Wrath. I’m on my way.

WRATH

*rises from desk, eyes trained on double doors of the study*

*peels off black T-shirt*

*kicks off shitkickers*

*undoes button on fly of leathers*

BETH RANDALL

*pushes open doors to study*

I tell you, Vishous can be such a—

HELLO.

WRATH

Hi. *dangles leathers from his hand* *tosses them to the floor*

So, leelan…how about you close that door. And lock it.

J R WARD

CAN I PLEASE GO TO SLEEP NOW? I’M FRICKIN’ EXHAUSTED.

J R WARD

Good night, Cellies!

July 11, 2006

WRATH (in the study, posting in Lassiter’s room on the board)

Hit me up when you get this.

July 11, 2006

WRATH (in the study, posting in the WAR Dens room on the board)

Come on, man. Hit me up.

July 11, 2006

WRATH (in the study, posting again in the WARDen’s room)

After what happened last night, I owe you, Lassiter.

Are you alive? Come on, man…

VISHOUS (in the study)

Maybe he’s just fucking with us.

WRATH

He was shot in the chest. Thanks to taking a bullet for me.

I don’t think he’s got playing high on his list of priorities.

I think breathing is probably first and foremost.

VISHOUS

I can find him tonight if I have to.

WRATH

Oh, there’s a great fucking plan.

VISHOUS

I’m the best medic we’ve got.

WRATH

(After long pause.)

You go, you treat him if he’s alive. You incinerate him if he’s dead. The last thing we need is a body like his hanging around.

And you know what? My best little buddy Zsadist is going to go with you just to make sure you don’t get a hard-on and oft the fucker.

ZSADIST

I’M THERE

VISHOUS

Done. We leave at nightfall.

July 12, 2006

VISHOUS

*materializes in front of run-down farmhouse*

How the fuck does he get an Internet connection here?

ZSADIST

*narrows eyes*

*listens*

SILENCE IS MAKING ME TWITCHY AS SHIT, MY BROTHER

J R WARD

The farmhouse is a single-story structure from the turn of the century. Overgrown with weeds and trees and brambles, it is bearded with greenery, but not a happy place. Its vines arc the kind that choke out the sunlight during the day and filter the moon in frightening ways at night.

There is a front door, two windows, and a shallow porch. No cars. The garage is falling down. The walkway up to the house from the dirt lane is strewn with branches from the storms that passed through during the day.

VISHOUS

Let’s go in. You got your heat out?

ZSADIST

NO THAT’S MY DICK IN MY HAND

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK?

VISHOUS

I’d use the mhis, but he’d know we’re here immediately.

Let’s do this.

*V approaches the house, moving silently over grass that is still wet from the rains. The air smells like pine and earth and…something else.*

ZSADIST

*shakes his head as the door squeaks open*

*keeps SIG Sauer muzzle pointed forward*

WAIT WHAT THE HELL IS THAT—

VISHOUS

No, it’s cool. They smell like that when they bleed.

*calls out* Lassiter? Yo, cocksucker, you breathing?

ZSADIST

IT SMELLS LIKE—

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT ON THE FLOOR?

VISHOUS

They bleed silver…don’t touch it.

Lassiter?

*heads farther into the house. There is no furniture, and it’s cold even though the night outside is warm. No food, either.*

ZSADIST

HE USES MY DECORATOR APPARENTLY

VISHOUS

*pauses* *looks over shoulder*

Since when did you grow a sense of humor?

ZSADIST

I’D SAY GET OFF MY DICK BUT I ALREADY USED THAT LINE

SO I’LL GO WITH A CLASSIC

VISHOUS

Fuck you?

ZSADIST

BITE ME.

AND HOW ABOUT WE GET BACK IN THE GAME—

OH.

VISHOUS

Oh…wow.

*eyes high-tech laptop* *next to which is a pool of silver blood*

*V looks around the barren room, then turns back to laptop*

*Z goes over to the window and scans the grounds*

***FEMALE***

Have you come to finish the job? Or save him?

VISHOUS

*wheels around, ready to fire*

*blinks, stunned*

ZSADIST

*falls into firing position*

*curses*

OH SHIT

VISHOUS

*without lowering the gun, even though he knows it won’t do a damn thing against what they’re looking at*

Save him. Where is he?

***FEMALE***

I don’t know. I came because…well. I knew he must be hurt.

VISHOUS

Lassiter has friends in unexpected places, it appears.

***FEMALE***

I would say the same of you, vampire.

How was he hurt?

VISHOUS

For some completely unknown reason, he took a bullet for our king. Lessers.

***FEMALE***

He is not without a certain code of honor. Arid he is compelled to save the righteous.

VISHOUS

Oh, yeah. Right. I’ll add him to my Christmas list.

You must know where he might go.

***FEMALE***

I don’t. Going by the blood loss…and the fact that it was cloudy today? Not far. He needs the sun to survive, especially if he’s injured.

ZSADIST

THE ONLY REASON SOMEONE INJURED LIKE THAT MOVES IS BECAUSE HE HAS TO

SOMEONE ELSE IS HUNTING HIM

AND HE’S SMART ENOUGH TO COVER HIS TRACKS

WE WON’T FIND HIM

VISHOUS

Yeah, he’ll mask himself.

*lowers gun and addresses female*

You find him, you tell him we came. I can’t stand the guy…but we honor our debts.

*rolls eyes* As much as it’s really fucking painful sometimes.

***FEMALE***

Pray for clear skies tomorrow. And I don’t know if I’ll sec him again. If I do, I will.

VISHOUS

*watches it leave*

*takes deep breath*

Grab the laptop, my brother. I’m almost at my limit, between the weapons and the MedPack.

ZSADIST

*picks up laptop* *in process, hits mouse pad, which kicks off screen saver*

HOLD UP

WHAT DOES THIS SAY

*turns to face V*

VISHOUS

*frowns* *leans into screen*

HOLY FUCKING SHIT!

DROP IT AND RUN!

ZSADIST

*throws computer*

*pounds out of farmhouse at full tilt behind V—*

July 12, 2006

WRATH (in the study)

What up?

What happened?

WRATH

Vishous?

Z?

PHURY (in the study)

I’m calling both of them on the cells right now. Neither are answering.

PHURY

Pick up…

Fucking pick up.

RHAGE (in the study)

Let’s go to the coordinates.

Fuck this.

*heads for door of study*

VISHOUS (out in front of ruins of farmhouse)

*answers phone* *hears Phurys voice* WHAT? I CANT HEAR A THING?

*glances up as Rhage materializes in front of him* Oh, don’t look at me like that. I landed in mud. SUE ME Hollywood—NO DON’T HUG ME!

PHURY

*prays silently to Scribe Virgin with thanks*

Z, you okay?

ZSADIST (on V’s phone)

FINE

WHOLE FUCKING PLACE BLEW TO HIGH HEAVEN

I FEEL LIKE I’VE BEEN PUNCHED IN THE HEAD

WRATH

Were you two the targets?

VISHOUS

Who the fuck knows.

We must have just missed him. Maybe he knew we’d come at dark. He’d had computer access, so he could have read it on the damn Boards.

Maybe he thought I was coming to kill him.

ZSADIST

OR HE HAS OTHER ENEMIES WHO COME AFTER DARK

WHY THE FUCK WOULD HE THINK WE’D KILL HIM AFTER WHAT HE DID LAST NIGHT THOUGH

VISHOUS

He and I ain’t exactly pen pals, feel me?

Look, I don’t know where he is. But he’s not going back to that place.

WRATH

Great. Wonderful. Fucking fantastic.

We sit. We wait. We see if he contacts us.

*narrows eyes*

V…what aren’t you telling me?

VISHOUS

We ran into a buddy of his.

A **************Edited by Admin***************

WRATH

Really?

Surprise, surprise.

Odd combination there. Well, like I said.

We sit. We wait.

And in the meantime, get out into the night, boys. You have work to do.

WRATH

*leans back in pansy chair and puts shitkickers on little froufrou desk*

*crosses arms*

*mutters* Shit. Now I know how I’m spending the rest of tonight.

*gets up* *stalks out of study in a bad mood*

******************FINIS*********************

July 18, 2006

BUTCH O’NEAL (in the Pit)

Yo, V.

What the hell are you doing?

VISHOUS (in the Pit)

Nothing.

BUTCH O’NEAL

Then why are you packing up all that shit?

And what’s with the—

VISHOUS

NOTHING.

Shut up, cop before you—

WRATH (in the study)

What’s up, boys?

I don’t like die sound of this.

VISHOUS

It’s all good.

Nothing—

BUTCH O’NEAL

He’s packing up a MedPack. And—shit, like a pound of sugar?

WRATH

Jesus Christ.

When did Lassiter get in touch with you? And why the fuck didn’t you talk to me about this?

VISHOUS

Just today. And I was going to tell you before I left.

WRATH

I can’t post right now.

I really fucking can’t post right now.

*signs off*

VISHOUS

Wrath? Come on, Wrath…

Shit.

Cop, hold it down at the Pit. I’ll be back…

July 18, 2006

VISHOUS (at the mansion)

*runs up stairs*

*knocks on closed doors of study*

Wrath? My brother?

WRATH (in the study)

*nibs eyes underneath glasses*

*curses and fights down the childish urge to pick his mofo desk up and hurl it at the fireplace*

*yells out* V, you come in here its at your own risk. I’m on my last fucking nerve with you.

VISHOUS

*opens door*

*sees Wrath sitting at that little desk, dressed in a black T-shirt and leathers. Wrath’s hair, which is so very long now, is down over his shoulders*

Hey, man, seriously, I wasn’t going to—

WRATH

The fuck you weren’t going in alone—

VISHOUS

WHOA. Back the hell up. You don’t call me a liar.

WRATH

*slowly gets up from desk* Then you don’t play me like a fool.

You talk to Z? Phury? Who were you taking with you as backup?

I’ll bet you your balls on a plate none of them knew what you were doing. Did they?

Did they, Vishous?

VISHOUS

*measures Wrath’s stance and realizes that the two of them are about an inch and a half away from going at it*

*turns away*

*walks around*

*takes out hand-rolled*

*lights up and inhales*

WRATH

Were you going to kill him? All nice and quiet?

And try being honest. You might get off on it for a change.

VISHOUS

*stretches arm out straight from the shoulder* *points at Wrath with the cigarette*

Fuck you.

VISHOUS

*realizes he’s just told the king to fuck off*

I’m sorry.

WRATH

Screw the apology, I could care.

Answer me.

VISHOUS

If I were going to off him, why would I bring first aid?

WRATH

You know, I really feel like popping you already. And the attitude is REALLY helping here.

Who’s your backup?

VISHOUS

*inhales on hand-rolled* *opens up leather jacket, flashing butt of Glock*

Captain Nine Millimeter—

WRATH

*slams fist on desk*

You think this is a joke?

VISHOUS

*stares at Wrath, frustrated, angry*

*inhales on cigarette*

*brings gloved hand up to his mouth and bites through the clasp, then strips it off with his fangs*

*in slow motion brings lit tip of hand-rolled to his bare, glowing palm*

*light flares and the butt is ashed immediately*

I can handle myself. I didn’t want anyone else to get hurt, and we’ve got a lot of fucking heroes around here.

He’s hurt. He’s dying. And he’s hunted. I was going to go and clean him up and then get the hell away from him.

That is all.

WRATH

*slowly sits back down*

*silence*

VISHOUS

Come on, my Lord. Give me a fucking break here.

WRATH

Trust, V. It’s about trust.

You should have told me. If you get cracked tonight, how would we have known what happened?

I get the motives. But don’t do us any favors, dig?

VISHOUS

*bends down and picks up glove* *slips it back on his hand*

So I can go, right.

WRATH

*has to smile*

You know, that would work a hell of a lot better if it were phrased as a question, asshole.

Yes. Go. At nightfall…which is in, what?

VISHOUS

Fifteen minutes. I’ll head out in fifteen minutes.

July 18, 2006

VISHOUS

*steps out of mansion*

*eyes sky* *winces and blinks*

*checks Glock*

*dematerializes to the north*

VISHOUS

* takes form at the side of the southbound exit 13 on the North way, I-87, in Saratoga Springs*

* standing on the shoulder of the road, he hears an occasional car go by and watches their headlights flare and fade*

*eyes shallow woods to the right*

*walks through the short grass into the trees*

*smells the fragrance of wet earth and a hot summer night*

VISHOUS

*sees thin-trunked trees, the leaves of which block the sight of the sky*

*says quietly*

Cocksucker, the ambulance has arrived.

*extends glowing hand*

*finds the center of his chest and feels his heartbeat*

*pulses emerge from his hand to the rhythm inside his rib cage, spreading outward across the landscape*

Come on, cocksucker…let up on your mhis there, big guy. Let me find you.

VISHOUS

*landscape suddenly becomes flat plane of whiteness, the trees, the grass all disappearing*

*Lassiter is revealed, lying on the ground about fifty yards away*

VISHOUS

*starts to jog over as landscape re-forms*

*slows down*

Oh, shit.

Enemy mine…

J R WARD

Lassiter lies curled on his side on the earth, silver blood saturating the ground like a mercury puddle. His black-and-blond hair is matted. Golden skin is now the color of a dove.

The woods smell like a fresh bouquet of flowers. The scent is Lassiter’s death, the sweet saturation of the soul that wandered off from the broken body.

The sun didn’t save him. And trapped the help he needed in a cold stone house far away.

VISHOUS

*kneels down*

*strips Med Pack off*

You know something, cocksucker?

Death really fucking annoys me.

VISHOUS

*pushes Lassiter over onto his back and examines wounds*

Yeah, that lesser got you right good. But it’s Good Morning, Vietnam for you, asshole.

*takes hand and holds it right over the center of Lassiter’s chest*

Wakey-wakey.

VISHOUS

*BRILLIANT EXPLOSION OF LIGHT*

LASSITER

*HAULS IN BREATH*

*CHEST JACKS UP OFF THE GROUND*

VISHOUS

*falls back onto ass*

How’s that for an alarm clock?

LASSITER

* gasps for breath*

*gasps*

* gasps*

* gasps*

*gasps*

VISHOUS

*reaches for Med Pack*

Okay, you with me? I’m going to go in and sec what’s doing with that chest wound.

Nod if you can hear me and you understand.

LASSITER

*gasps*

*gasps*

*nods*

VISHOUS

*under breath* Shit, golden hoy, you smell like a sissy when you die, you know that?

*night vision reveals unhealed gunshot wound penetrating left lung*

LASSITER

*gasps*

*slowly lifts hand*

*extends middle finger*

*gasps*

VISHOUS

*barks laughter*

Okay, Goldilocks, I can see the bullet. I’m going to remove it, and then you’re going to have to zone out and do yourself a little heal bit. Then I’ll close.

Fucking bullet probably had nickel mixed in with the lead, which was what cooked you, right?

LASSITER

*gasps*

*hoarsely* Couldn’t get it out

VISHOUS

Yeah, hard to operate on yourself. *reaches down with calipers*

This is going to hurt like a—

LASSITER

FUCK

VISHOUS

*continuing to work*

*Lassiter is writhing on the ground*

VISHOUS

Got it.

Okay, do your thing.

LASSITER

******************EDITED by Admin.*******************

VISHOUS

*leaning far away, arm up to eyes*

*creates shield to block force*

VISHOUS

*drops arm*

*sees before him a golden glow*

You know, all things considered, it’s a wonder we don’t get along better.

LASSITER

*takes a deep breath and looks at chest*

*glances at Vishous*

How fucking ironic is this?

VISHOUS

Yeah…

Anyway, you want me to close you up? Or are you planning on walking around with that big. gaping, nasty- ass hole in your chest?

No offense, but you look like a Rick Baker special here. All Werewolf of London and shit.

LASSITER

Close me.

VISHOUS

*smiles* Never been so glad to be on the business end of a needle before.

Even when I’m tatting.

*closes wound in a series of precise stitches—black thread on golden skin*

*Lassiter doesn’t even flinch now—just watches V*

VISHOUS

*bites off thread* *pitches needle into MedPack*

*sits back on heels*

*silence*

LASSITER

*puts hand out*

VISHOUS

*looks at it*

*accepts invitation and their palms meet briefly*

*V stands up* *puts on MedPack*

You don’t have to say it.

LASSITER

Honor’s going to make me.

Circle will be closed. Sometime.

VISHOUS

*inclines head*

*looks at the sky*

Yeah, well, in the words of my roommate, we ain’t datin’.

I’ll tell the others you’re alive.

LATER—

LASSITER

You know the future.

So you know the when and the where and the why.

VISHOUS

That program isn’t working so well right now.

Guess it’s on your word.

*looks down at Lassiter*

Yeah, ironic as fuck. That’s what this is.

You know where to find me.

LATER.

******************FINIS*********************

Lassiter and V definitely share history, and the fallen angel has a lot of enemies. But he does return Tohrment to the fold after having taken a bullet for Wrath, so there are a lot of ties that bind him and the Brotherhood. Watching him with the Brothers over the next couple of books (and on the boards, if he chooses to appear) is going to be a wild ride, I promise you!

For the most part, when the Brothers show up on the boards, it’s totally unexpected. I’m the only one who goes on as them, and I usually have no idea who will come out or what will happen or when they’ll demand to be heard. In a few cases, though, I have known what was doing. The rollout of V going after Lassiter and saving him, for example, was one that I knew about, and accordingly, I gave notice to the Cellies that something was going to go down that night.

The below is another occasion when I was aware of the whole thing. I put out an invitation and said that the Brothers were going to be on the board, but what I didn’t tell folks was that it was going to be for Phury and Cormia’s mating ceremony. I had just finished their book and gotten it off to my editor, and I was feeling like I wanted to involve everyone in their joy.

What transpired, though, was absolutely incredible. There were so many people posting and so many refreshes to the board within every given moment that we killed the server. Which is traumatic, but kind of cool. Fortunately, everyone stayed with us and we fixed the problem, and the result…is my single favorite thing on the message board. To date, the Ceremony, which is located in the Brother Interaction Thread Forum, has well over two hundred fifty thousand views. When we closed the thread, there were over seventy pages of posts, and as you can see, the Cell was having a ball, toasting to the mating of a male and a female of worth.

Yeah, this is my favorite thing out of the over fifty-five hundred different threads we’ve made. I love the community of readers that make up the BDB board, and if you read the unedited version of the Ceremony, you’ll see how great they all are.

And now, without further ado, I give you Phury and Cormia…

January 20, 2008

FRITZ

*brings in sterling silver bowl of salt and pitcher of water*

*places both on low-slung table*

*lights black candles*

*departs*

WRATH

*looks around*

*nods*

* takes crown*

*settles on head*

RHAGE

Takes a brother back…

Don’t it?

*double-checks daggers on chest*

January 20, 2008

ZSADIST

*knocks* Yo, my brother?

PHURY

*straightens white satin robing*

*clears throat*

Yeah…I’m…

Come on in.

ZSADIST

*opens door*

Aw, shit. Check you out.

You’re ready. So fucking ready.

PHURY

*laughs*

You know, I think I am.

*brushes out hair*

ZSADIST

I feel like I should give you advice or some shit.

But I’m coming up with a whole lot of nothing.

PHURY

You’re here. That’s all that matters.

Hey…did you think about them?

You know, when you and Bella…

ZSADIST

You mean the parents? I thought about them more after Nalla’s birth. I mean, for this kind of thing, the most important thing was having you and the brothers with me.

Family is where you find them.

And listen, if you want a blunt, it’s cool to want one.

PHURY

Yeah…not going to light up, though.

* takes one last look in the mirror above his bureau* *meets Z’s eyes*

* smiles*

Who’da thought it, eh?

ZSADIST

Until I met Bella, not I.

Come on, brother mine, let’s get your ass good and mated.

*opens door* Oh, and ps, if your stomach feels like a lead balloon, that’s totally fine, too.

PHURY

*stepsout in hallway*

*picks up Boo*

Actually, I’m tight. I feel good.

Let’s do this.

*heads down the hall and pauses at the head of the grand staircase*

*sees the Brotherhood assembled down below with the shellans in gowns of red and blue and silver and peach and midnight*

Shit, I lied about the stomach.

January 20, 2008

FRITZ (in the foyer)

*Arranges doggen with serving trays*

*tops up vodka luge*

*adds garnish to spinach crepes*

*turns on chocolate fountain*

*prepares to meet guests*

WRATH

NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICE.

Foyer is tight.

*reaches for Beth*

Come on, leelan, give us a kiss.

FRITZ

*to Cellies*

Hello Mistresses, please help yourself to refreshments—eat, drink, and be merry!

BETH RANDALL

*steps into his arms*

You remember ours?

WRATH

Always.

*kisses her*

FRITZ

*ensures doggen are handing out refreshments*

*worries that everything will be perfect*

January 20, 2008

WRATH

*looks up and sees Phury at the head of the mansion’s grand stairwell*

Finally. *winks*

*calls out* Shall we begin?

*looks to library* *extends hand*

Cormia?

CORMIA

*comes out of library in a high-waisted golden gown with an overlay of pearls*

*her hair is loose down her back in waves of blond*

*feet are bare*

*looks up the grand stairwell and sees Phury standing at the top. the flames of a hundred black candles lighting his proud face and his brilliant citrine eyes*

*puts hand to mouth*

*blinks quickly as Zsadist begins to sing Puccini’s “Che Celida Manina” from La Bohème*

* mouths to Phury* I LOVE YOU.

FRITZ

*holds out to Cellies platter of linen handkerchiefs embroidered with Phury s and Cormia’s initials and the date*

PHURY

*sees Cormia come around to stand by Wrath*

*hears his twin’s tenor filling the Brotherhood’s mansion*

*thinks that for this moment, life is like a crystal before the candle flame, reflecting an endless spectrum of beautiful light into the eyes and hearts of them all*

* watches her mouth, I LOVE YOU*

* mouths back. I LOVE YOU MORE*

*dematerializes down to the foyer because he can’t wait one moment longer to be by her side*

THE SCRIBE VIRGIN

*comes forward in black robes*

* addresses Cormia*

This male asks that you accept him as your hellren, my daughter. Would you have him as your own if he is worthy?

CORMIA

*looks into Phury’s eyes*

*bows to the Scribe Virgin*

Yes, yes, I will have him for my own.

FRITZ

*hands out more platters of handkerchiefs to doggen, and bottles of smelling salts in case of fainters*

*dabs own eyes*

*is so happy*

THE SCRIBE VIRGIN

*nods to Cormia*

*addresses Phury*

Warrior, this female will consider you. Will you prove yourself for her? Will you sacrifice yourself for her? Will you defend her against those who would seek to harm her?

PHURY

*nods gravely at Scribe Virgin*

*wishes he could kiss his shellan Cormia already* I will.

THE SCRIBE VIRGIN

*addresses Phury and Cormia*

Give me your hands, children.

*accepts both hands as they are offered*

*smiles under her robing*

A very good mating. I pronounce the presentation to me acceptable.

*cheers rise up out of the Brothers and their shellans*

*Nalla claps her hands in her mother’s arms*

FRITZ

*takes the sterling-silver bowl of salt and pitcher of water forward to the King*

*bows and proffers bowl and pitcher*

WRATH

Thank you, Fritz.

And now if the Brothers will join me?

PHURY

*kisses Cormia*

*lingers for a moment, just looking in her eyes*

*steps back and removes his white robe so that he stands in his silk pants*

*goes forward to his brothers and his king*

*kneels before Wrath, moving his hair to the side so his back is exposed*

FRITZ

*picks up black-lacquered box*

*takes forward to the King and proffers with a bow*

*teardrop hits highly polished shoes*

WRATH

*accepts box*

*pours water from pitcher into salt bowl*

*stands over Phury*

My brother, what is the name of your shellan?

PHURY

She is called Cormia.

WRATH

*unsheathes black dagger*

*bends over Phury’s bare back*

*carves in the Old Language*

C

ZSADIST

*unsheathes dagger*

*steps forward*

What is the name of your shellan, twin of mine?

PHURY

She is called Cormia.

*braces self again*

*bears pain with strength and fortitude, feeling his love throughout his whole body*

ZSADIST

*bends over Phury s back*

*carves in the Old Language*

O

*looks over at Bella and Nalla, feeling love for his females*

*watches as Bella waves Nalla s hand at him*

*winks*

VISHOUS

*steps forward, unsheathing dagger*

What is the name of your shellan, brother?

*looks over at Jane and rolls his shoulders, feeling die remnants of what she did to him during the day*

*returns her secret smile*

PHURY

She is called Cormia.

*feels blood trickle down his side*

*glances at Cormia and is glad that Beth and Mary and Marissa are there beside her holding her hands, as she looks a little woozy*

*ducks head and prepares for fresh cut*

FRITZ

*dabs eyes with handkerchief*

*chest swells with pride*

*is humbled by awe*

VISHOUS

*bends down with blade he made*

*thinks he is so glad that things worked exit for Phury*

*carves in the Old Language the letter*

R

BUTCH O’NEAL

*steps forward, unsheathing dagger*

*remembers Marissa’s name getting carved in his back*

*looks at her and smiles* What is the name of your shellan?

PHURY

She is called Cormia.

BUTCH O’NEAL

*bends over Phury s back*

*next to V’s perfect R carves in the Old Language*

M

RHAGE

*steps forward*

*blows kiss to Mary*

*addresses Phury*

What is the name of your shellan, brother?

PHURY

*swallows hard*

*bears down into mosaic floor*

Her name is Cormia.

RHAGE

*bends down over Phury’s back*

*carves in the Old Language the letter*

I

WRATH

*looks to the right, as everyone in the foyer does*

JOHN MATTHEW

*starts to walk forward*

*holds on to the forearm that is linked through his, providing steadying strength*

TOHRMENT

*shuffles forward, leaning on John Matthew’s arm*

*hair is long and shaggy, with white streak at the front*

*approaches Phury while biting the inside of his lip until it bleeds*

*asks in a hoarse, quiet voice*

What is the name of your shellan, brother?

PHURY

*keeps head down, as tears have come to his eyes while he pictures what he is gaining and what Tohr has lost*

*clears throat*

*shoots glance at Cormia*

*clears throat*

*roughly…* Cormia. She is called…Cormia.

TOHRMENT

*unsheathes dagger with shaking hand*

JOHN MATTHEW

*shifts weight*

*steadies Tohr’s body as he leans down*

TOHRMENT

* takes deep breath*

*calls on strength*

*executes in one stroke a single perfectly composed letter in the Old Language*

A

LASSITER

*watches John Matthew lead Tohr back over to a chair*

*looks up to the ceiling*

*sees image of Wellsie and their unborn son in the clouds within the warrior painting—both are overseeing the ceremony and Tohr*

*makes eye contact with Wellsie*

*inclines head to Wellsie, who takes one last look at Tohr and disappears back unto the Fade*

WRATH

*waits until Tohr is seated*

*takes a moment to compose self*

*needs to look at Beth for a second*

*picks up bowl of salty brine*

*pours it over Phury s back*

PHURY

HSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

WRATH

*takes white cloth out of black-lacquered box*

*carefully blots his brother’s back*

*folds the white cloth back up and returns it to box*

*addresses Phury*

Rise my brother.

PHURY

*stands up with pride, eyes glowing*

WRATH

*addressing Phury while presenting him with the lacquered box*

Take this to your shellan as a symbol of your strength, so she- will know that you are worthy of her and that your body, your heart, and your soul are now hers to command.

*smiles at Phury*

PHURY

*turns to Cormia*

*worries for a moment at how white her face is, but then she smiles*

*steps forward with a straight spine, all pain forgotten*

*drops to his knees before her, bows his head, holds up the box*

Will you take me for your own, my love?

CORMIA

*heart is so full can barely breathe*

*reaches forward and places her hands on the box, making sure that her forefingers brush his*

Yes, yes, I will…oh, yes, a thousand yeses…

*cradles box to heart*

PHURY

*throws arms around Cormia, not even feeling the burn in his shoulders*

*embraces her as Brotherhood begins to chant*

*whispers* I can’t wait to be alone with you…

*kisses her neck, nipping her with his fangs*

*bonding scent roars*

THE SCRIBE VIRGIN

*comes forward *

*releases from thin air twelve perfect white doves, which soar above the assembled family as the Brotherhood and their shellans embrace one another and clap and chant*

FRITZ

* arranges ten doggen dressed in full livery into a queue*

*ensures that each has a silver tray of Dom Pérignon ’98 in crystal long-stemmed glasses*

*arranges second row of ten doggen with silver trays of assorted fruit juices and sparkling waters in crystal tumblers*

* leads doggen into foyer*

*supervises as doggen offer drinks to all the gathered Cellic guests*

WRATH

*takes glass and pulls Beth close to his side*

*whispers in her ear* I can’t wait to be alone with you…

*more loudly*

May the assembled please raise their glasses?

WRATH

*addresses Phury and Cormia, the Brotherhood, and assembled Cell*

A toast to the mated couple.

*in the Old Language*

May their burdens be light,

and their joys overflowing,

may destiny smile upon their joined paths,

and carry these two souls forth into countless peaceful nights and passionate days.

*raises voice, bellowing*

TO THE MATED: TO THE MATED! TO THE MATED!

FRITZ

TO THE MATED!

PHURY

*draws Cormia close*

*bows to Brothers and shellans, Fritz and doggen, and the wonderful Cellies*

And now…if you’ll excuse us?

*laughs gently as Cormia blushes*

*the two wave and bow, then turn to the grand staircase and go up arm in arm. Cormia’s long golden gown trailing behind, Phury s back bearing the letters CORMIA in the Old Language*

*they retire to his bedroom*

*Opera swells as the party continues on and their lives together truly begin*

******************FINIS*********************

FRITZ

The sires and their good ladies have retired for the evening, but they asked me to inform you that you are welcome to stay as long as you wish. However, the bedrooms are out-of-bounds.:)

Have a superb evening, and thank you all for your attendance, and please keep the handkerchiefs, I insist.

Fritz~~~