The Brass Bed

13

We drove to Nick’s and went inside and sat at one of the tables with red-checked cloths. Nick waved and nodded and smiled, and Irene came over to the table with her nice, large movement and looked down at us with an expansive display of remarkable teeth.

“Hello, you two,” she said.

I said hello, and so did Harvey.

“How’s George?” Harvey added.

“George is fine. Fine and faithful.”

“Is that so? It makes me sad to hear it. I was hoping that you had embarked on separate careers of infidelity.”

“No, we keep the faith. In spite of temptation, we adhere to our vows.”

“In that case, I don’t suppose you would be interested in participating in a ripsnorting celebration?”

“With whom and why?”

“With Felix and me, because school is out and we are happily unemployed. We have allotted ourselves twenty-five dollars worth of frivolity apiece, and we would be happy to cut you in for a full third without monetary remuneration.”

“What kind of remuneration would be expected?”

“That is something we could work out together at the proper time.”

She patted Harvey on the head and showed her remarkable teeth.

“Oh, you are a temptation to me. You are a constant temptation.”

“Is it agreed, then, that you will go?”

“No, it is not agreed. I must decline your very kind invitation with thanks,” Irene said.

“Do you understand that we are going away tomorrow? Are you perfectly aware that it will be a full month before you will see us again?”

Irene sighed. “My heart is heavy with the knowledge, but I must still decline the invitation.”

“That being so, you may offer my regards to George and bring me a filet with mushrooms.”

“I’ll have a filet too,” I said.

“Filets yet,” she said. “We really are celebrating, aren’t we?”

“And a baked potato with sour cream sauce,” Harvey said.

“As for me,” I said, “I will have butter on my potato instead of sour cream.”

“And beer to begin,” she said. “Naturally you will have beer.”

“Naturally,” Harvey said.

She moved largely and nicely away, and Harvey watched her and sighed.

“That George,” he said. “He is a great nuisance.”

“He certainly is,” I said.

“I can’t understand it. It seems to me to go against the laws of nature.”

“Perhaps it is more a matter of the laws of economics.”

“I see what you mean, and you have surely made a pertinent point. These days, a brick layer has all the advantages over a mathematics teacher.”

“Especially a brick layer with an Olds Ninety-Eight convertible.”

“That’s true. It is almost impossible to compete with an Olds Ninety-Eight.”

“It is certainly difficult, anyhow. An Olds Ninety-Eight is only slightly less formidable than a Cadillac.”

“May I take that remark to be a specific reference?”

“As a friend and good companion, you may.”

“Thanks, old boy. I only wanted to ask if you have seen Jolly since the recent lamentable episode at the river.”

“I have seen her, and I have talked with her on the telephone.”

“Is that all? I thought that the pair of you would now, perhaps, make a little better time.”

“You were mistaken. We are not making any time at all.”

“Really? I’m astonished and puzzled. Would you care to explain why it is that you’re making no time?”

“I have just decided that it would not be a good thing, that’s all.”

“Well, I can only say that it seems a damned peculiar time to make such a decision. Just when the way has been cleared for you and everything, I mean.”

“However peculiar it may seem, that’s what I have decided.”

“Look here, old boy. You aren’t letting this thing mess you up, are you? You know what I mean. Guilt feelings and all that? Some idea of giving her up to pay for your sins or something?”

“Not at all.”

“Are you sure? If it’s something like that, I happen to know a damn good psychiatrist over at medical center who could straighten you out in jig time.”

“It’s nothing of the sort, I tell you. I’m perfectly all right.”

“I’m very fond of you, you know, and I wouldn’t want to see you develop one of these nasty mental things that people are always coming up with for one reason or another.”

“Thank you, Harvey, but it is unnecessary for you to worry about it at all.”

We drank some beer, and Irene brought the steaks and things. The steaks were thick and of large size and covered with an excellent mushroom sauce. In placing Harvey’s plate in front of him, it was necessary for Irene to reach across his shoulder, and he turned his head to look at the closest part of her.

Irene left, and we ate. We also talked about the possible advantages of going to Sylvester’s.

Harvey said, “I can’t think of anyplace where we could be relieved of fifty clams with more dispatch than at Sylvester’s.”

“True. Sylvester has made a fine art of cutting throats. However, there will be compensation. Gloria Finch is singing at Sylvester’s this week, and I have it from an eye-and-ear witness that she is always well oiled for the late shows, at which times she gets dirty and frequently removes an article or two of clothing. This is all the more interesting because an article or two is all she wears to start with, and never more than three. Do you think we could stretch our clams to the late shows?”

“Well, teachers are of necessity about as good at stretching clams as it is possible to be. If we can’t do it, it can’t be done.”

“You have expressed yourself tersely, lucidly and with truth, and it is a pleasure to be in your company. Shall we go to Sylvester’s? It is now seven-thirty, and it will take us a good half hour to get downtown.”

“In your car, it may even take longer.”

“That’s true. I admit that even with a ring job and new spark plugs, my car is capable of no more than an adequate performance.”

“It was rude of me to mention it.” I waved a finger at him.

“Not at all. Truth is truth, and adequate is adequate. I understand that you meant no offense, and none is taken.”

We got up and went over to the cash register and paid for our steaks and said goodbye to Nick. He said he was sad to see us go and would be looking forward to our return. Irene was busy waiting on a man and two women at a table and did not see us leave.

“Tell Irene goodbye for us,” Harvey said. “Tell her it was much easier this way.”

Nick laughed at the little joke and held his sides.

“Much easier,” Harvey said.

We went out to Harvey’s car and got in, and it performed adequately and got us downtown to Sylvester’s in forty minutes. It was getting dark, and the lights were on, all the neons and fluorescents and incandescents, and there wasn’t really much to what we were doing or intended doing, but there was a kind of excitement in it nevertheless.