The Chrysanthemum Palace

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THAT NIGHT, I WENT OVER to Clea’s.

She answered the door in darkness then retreated to the bathroom. When she emerged, I could see the freshly applied foundation covering a darkish bruise on the delicate line of her jaw. I asked about it and she said she got loaded and fell in the bathroom. Before I probed further, Clea assiduously volunteered that her boyfriend hadn’t struck her. I wanted to believe it. Then she disarmed me by tearfully asking for help — would I take her to the Pacific Group on Wednesday? — a brilliant strategy that worked like a charm. Not only was it impossible to turn her down but Clea’s helplessness made me begin to think she was telling the truth about her injury. After things settled, I brought up the weenie-wagging incident — we both began to laugh. Without elaborating, she said HBO could go fuck themselves because Fox and Showtime were practically in a bidding war over her idea.

She poured herself a glass of wine and slunk into my arms. Ah — so this is how it’s going to be until one of us goes quietly or unquietly to our grave… that warm, fuzzy, incestuous, tortured family feeling, the blurring of lines, the love and sex jumble, the caretaker thing, the quick-fix embrace, the sacred Denial. We were like bystanders you see on television after suicide bomb attacks, numbly clutching each other in front of splintered buses and orphaned cell phones. I get it. This is how it’s always been and always would be between us—

She lay like that in the crook of my soul and I smelled her treacly breath, and the scent of her tears too. I did decide to go see Thad, though; I couldn’t have lived with myself without investigating. I knew that Clea was a big girl and there were things I couldn’t protect her from, but now was the time to show my colors — as her oldest friend, former lover, brother-protector. Thad needed to know I was her ally, a force to be reckoned with who would stand up for her in this world and the next. What Clea told me a few minutes later only strengthened my resolve.

She was going to have his child.