The City When It Rains

CHAPTER

THIRTY-FIVE

LEXIE ARRIVED almost exactly at eight. She smiled tentatively when Corman opened the door, then came slowly into the small foyer as he stepped back to let her pass.

Lucy rushed from her room to greet her. “Hi, Mom.”

Lexie pulled her into her arms, smiled warmly. “Hi. How are you?”

“Fine,” Lucy said. “I’m staying with you tonight.”

“Absolutely,” Lexie said. She looked at Corman, then spoke to him finally, her voice already a bit strained. “Hello, David.”

Corman nodded.

“You left the party quite early.”

“The shoot was over.”

Lucy tugged Lexie’s hand. “Did Papa tell you?”

“Tell me what, honey?”

“Mr. Lazar died.”

Lexie’s eyes shot over to Corman. “I’m sorry, David.”

“He’d had a stroke,” Corman said, almost dismissingly, carefully controlling himself. “He wasn’t in very good shape.”

“Still, it’s …”

“Yes, it is,” Corman said, cutting her off. He reached for another subject. “Well, this restaurant we’re going to, do I need a tie, jacket?”

“Well, yes, I think so,” Lexie said. “I hope you don’t mind.”

Corman shrugged. “No, I don’t mind. Where are we going?”

“I thought we’d make things a little classy tonight,” Lexie told him. She smiled. “If that wouldn’t bother you.”

“Not at all.”

“He’d like it,” Lucy said enthusiastically. “He eats pizza most of the time.”

Lexie’s eyes remained on Corman’s face, as if she were trying to determine exactly what was left between them, affection, amusement, just the pull of years.

“I’ll be ready in a minute,” Corman told her. He turned, walked into the living room and pulled his jacket from the table. He could hear her moving toward him, stepping cautiously into the room, as if odd things might be lurking in its shadowy depths.

“Okay,” he said when he turned back toward her. “I’m ready.”

For a moment, she didn’t move. Her eyes scanned the room, surveying its stained walls and battered furnishings, the way everything seemed crippled by age and wear, the downward tug of squandered chances. She looked like a lawyer taking notes, building a case for impermissible disarray.

“I said, I’m ready,” Corman repeated.

“Oh, good,” Lexie said, coming back to him. She looked toward the door, smiled at Lucy as she headed toward it then hugged her once again when she got there. “See you later,” she said lightly.

Corman stepped around her and opened the door. “ ’Bye, kid,” he said to Lucy. “I’ll tell Mrs. Donaldson to come right over.”

“She’s bringing dinner,” Lucy said to Lexie. “Pot roast. It’s great.”

Lexie smiled thinly. “Sounds wonderful,” she said, her voice faintly distant, as if it were coming from a better part of town.

Corman headed down the corridor, stopped at Mrs. Donaldson’s door and knocked lightly.

The door opened immediately.

“Lucy ready for dinner?” Mrs. Donaldson asked.

Corman nodded toward Lexie. “This is Lucy’s mother,” he said. Then to Lexie, “Mrs. Donaldson.”

They shook hands quickly.

“You have a wonderful little girl,” Mrs. Donaldson said. “Such a sweetie.” She smiled sympathetically at Lexie, as if in commiseration for all the times she’d had to put up with a rootless man.

“Well, we’d better be going,” Corman said to her. “We should be back fairly early.”

Mrs. Donaldson waved her hand. “Take your own sweet time,” she said expansively. “Me and Lucy always have a grand old time.”

Lexie led the way to the restaurant, walking briskly, as she always did, until they’d made their way silently across town to a place called Pierre-Louis on East 56th Street. Pierre himself was standing at the door as Corman followed Lexie in. For a few minutes, the two of them stood together, talking of mutual acquaintances and the state of things in the Hamptons while Corman shifted awkwardly just to Lexie’s right, silent, patient, one of her retainers.

“Well, it’s very good to see you again, Mrs. Mills,” Pierre said in conclusion. “Mathieu will show you to your table.”

Mathieu did precisely that, then directed a few other people around until the table had been served with drink, bread and butter. The bread was good, like the butter. Corman recognized the scotch as the same Jeffrey had ordered for him at the Bull and Bear.

“So, it’s … the restaurant … it’s nice,” he began haltingly after the first sip.

Lexie smiled. “It’s funny how little we have to talk about.”

“Divorce puts a clamp on things.”

“Yes.”

“That’s just the way it is.”

“I’m afraid so,” Lexie said. She took another sip from her drink. “I’m really sorry to hear about Mr. Lazar.”

“I was, too.”

“Was it painless?”

Corman shrugged. “I don’t know.”

Lexie bowed her head slightly. “Anyway, I was sorry to hear it.”

Corman nodded and finished his drink.

Lexie immediately ordered another and waited for it to come before continuing.

“I hear you have something going,” she said. “Some sort of project.”

“Who told you that? Frances? Edgar?”

Lexie didn’t answer. “A book, isn’t it?” she asked instead.

Corman shook his head. “There’s no book,” he said.

Lexie looked surprised, but Corman couldn’t tell whether it was because he’d dropped the book idea or simply been willing to admit it instantly.

“But why?” she asked. “Julian says …”

“Julian?” Corman blurted. “I didn’t know you were still in touch with Julian.”

Lexie’s face tightened almost imperceptibly. “Sometimes.”

Corman looked at her pointedly. “Lexie, you think I care if you’re seeing Julian?”

“It’s not like that.”

“I don’t care what it’s like,” Corman said. “It’s not my business.” He looked at her very seriously, trying to find a route into her that would broaden both of them and let them live in some sort of collusion against whatever it was that had spoiled things for them. “Anyway, there won’t be a book,” he told her.

“Why not?”

“Because it didn’t add up to anything Julian would be interested in.”

“He said something about a woman.”

Corman shook his head. “They weren’t really interested in her, I don’t think. They had their own ideas. I’m not sure what. Maybe to get the father somehow. For a villain.”

“And the father wasn’t one?”

“No, I don’t think he was,” Corman said. “At least not intentionally. I mean, who’s to blame when it all goes wrong?”

Lexie’s eyes rested on him. They seemed oddly lifeless. He half-expected them to tumble from their sockets, roll across the table and drop into his lap.

“So, what it comes down to,” he said, “there’s not going to be a book.”

“I see,” Lexie said. She hesitated a moment, as if trying to get her bearings, then began, “I know Edgar talked to you.”

“Yes,” Corman said. He could feel it coming, like an executioner moving slowly down the corridor toward his cell, grim, unstoppable, prepared to carry out the court’s inflexible decree.

“The worst thing for a child is bitterness,” Lexie said, as if quoting the latest manual on the subject. “Friction. Hostility. Even ambiguity. Things like that have to be avoided.”

Corman said nothing. He felt that any words from him would fall upon her like tiny drops of water, explode on impact then turn to little dribbling streams.

“It’s always been very smooth between us, David,” she went on. “Especially these last few years.” Her eyes narrowed significantly. “I don’t want that to change.”

Corman cleared his throat weakly, offered a quick, inconsequential remark. “I don’t want anything to change.”

“Which brings us back to Edgar,” Lexie said. “Or should I say, to Lucy.” She stared at him solemnly. “You have to understand, David, that whatever I want, I want it for Lucy. Not for me at all. And I mean that.” She gave him a quick smile. “To tell you the truth, I don’t get the feeling Jeffrey’s terribly excited about having a little girl around. But I can’t think of him, of his interests, anymore than I can think of yours. It’s Lucy’s welfare. That’s what I’m interested in. Only that. Nothing else.”

He was feeling the sweat again. It was gathering beneath his arms and along the creases of his palms, dank, clammy, softening his skin, making it more pliant, as if preparing it to receive the blow.

“I have quite a few concerns,” Lexie added without a pause. Then she ticked them off. “Lucy’s school, her neighborhood.” She stopped, as if deciding whether to release another volley, then went ahead and released it. “And there’s the apartment, too, your work. Especially at night. Really, it’s more or less everything, David. The whole situation she finds herself in.”

It was the last three words that caught him, snagged his mind like a hook, jerked him from the rising waters. “Finds herself in?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“What do you mean, ‘finds herself in’?”

“The way she has to live.”

“You make it sound like a swamp,” Corman said. “Or a hole. Like I’ve thrown her in a hole.”

“Not a hole, David,” Lexie said. “Just your life, the way she lives it with you.”

“My life?” Corman asked. “What about my life, Lexie?”

She looked faintly surprised by the question, but wary of it, too, as if she’d heard the hard, alarming sound of a pistol being cocked behind the seamless curtain of his face.

“Well, I mean the situation,” Lexie said. “It’s not her fault that she doesn’t have certain advantages, things that would make hei more comfortable, things that I could give her.”

Corman could feel something growing steadily more luminous in his mind, shoring up walls he thought had crumbled, restoring the shattered battlements of a city under siege, yet still unready to surrender. “There are other things,” he said. “Besides the things yot can give her. Things that matter.” As he spoke, he could see Lazar alone in his room, pressing yet another picture down into his olc suitcase. “Things that matter, Lexie.”

Lexie shifted uncomfortably. “David, I think you’ve …”

He raised his hand to stop her. “We’re all sailing, Lexie,” he began, still struggling for the words. “Sailing through this … life.”

Lexie stared at him. “Sailing?”

“And so, you have to …” He stopped, wrestled mightily to gather it all in. He could feel his mind focus slowly, like a grea camera, bringing everything into view, and after a moment he understood, very clearly and with the full force of his conviction, precisely why Lucy should stay with him.

“She doesn’t need to be protected,” he said explosively. “It would take something from her, Lexie, something that matters.”

Lexie sat back slightly, but said nothing.

“Her neighborhood, her school,” Corman said. “The way she walks the streets. Lexie, if you could see it. The way she moves toward any little craziness around her, the way she’s drawn towarc things that aren’t safe.”

Lexie watched him silently, her eyes immobile, as if fixed or something she could not quite bring into view. “I can provide a nice life for her,” she said finally. “A very nice life.”

Corman looked at her stonily. “She has the life that’s best for her.”

Lexie drew her napkin from her lap and began fiddling nervously with its lacy edges. “I’m talking about a good life, David. Opportunities.”

Corman shook his head. “No.”

Lexie’s eyes deepened slightly, but she said nothing.

Corman leaned toward her and felt the high rapture of a well-delivered blow. “Do you know why she should stay with me, Lexie? Because I trust her, and you don’t.”

Lexie glanced down, then up again, her eyes glistening suddenly.

“You never trusted yourself,” Corman added determinedly. “And now you don’t trust her.”

Lexie labored to recover then sat up stiffly. “That’s all very well, David, but there are also some practical matters, you know, such as …”

Corman knew what was coming, but also that he could face, even surmount it, because suddenly he realized that fatherhood created a life whose downward pull was always toward the deeper regions, a place where heroism took the form of washing dishes, doing clothes, holding down a job, where compromise miraculously reversed its course, and shot you to the stars.

“I’ve been offered a job at the paper,” he said, interrupting her. “A steady job. Good pay. I’m going to take it.”

Lexie stared at him, amazed. “But, David, I thought you …”

He lifted his hand to silence her. “But I won’t give up the night,” he added determinedly. “I won’t give that up, ever. But as often as I can, as often as it’s right, I’ll take Lucy with me, show her what I think she needs to see.”

Lexie continued to stare at him but said nothing.

“My eyes,” Corman said. “I have a right to them. And so does she.”

Lexie studied him intently for a moment, then started to speak.

Corman put up his hand again. “That’s the bottom line,” Corman told her. “What happens now is up to you.” He added nothing else, but merely rested in the silence that drifted down upon them, felt the air around him, the whole dark envelope of the city, and waited for a blow that never came.

Lucy had already packed for the weekend by the time they got back to the apartment, and within a few minutes the three of them were standing beneath the Broadway’s battered awning, waiting for a cab. Lucy stood under Corman’s arm, nuzzling him gently while she talked to Lexie about the time she’d spent with Mrs. Donaldson. Lexie smiled, nodded, gave her every encouragement, but something in her looked ravaged.

“I’ll bring Lucy back tomorrow night,” she said to Corman after Lucy had finished her story.

“Fine.”

“Any particular time?”

“I’ll make sure I’m home before seven.”

Lucy stepped from under Corman’s arm, walked over to Lexie, and took up the same position, as if trying to balance things with absolute precision.

The cab arrived. Corman opened the door, watched as the two of them slid inside, then handed Lucy her small blue traveling case, closed the door and bent down beside the window.

It was streaked with rain, and a small layer of water formed a watery edge as Lucy rolled down the glass.

“ ’Bye, Papa,” she said.

Corman pressed nearer and kissed her lightly. “Have fun,” he said.

The cab pulled away a few seconds later. Corman returned to his apartment and dialed Pike immediately, afraid that Groton’s job had already been given to someone else.

“I’ve changed my mind, Hugo,” he said when Pike answered. “Groton’s beat. Is it still open?”

“Yeah,” Pike said. “By the skin of its teeth.”

“I’ve decided to take it.”

“Oh yeah?” Pike asked. “What brought on the change?”

“Just things.”

“Wolf at the door, am I right?”

“Close enough,” Corman said. “I’ll be there Monday morning.”

“Nine sharp,” Pike told him.

“Nine sharp,” Corman repeated, then hung up.

For a time he curled up on the sofa and tried to take a short nap. But the intensity of the last hours still lingered like a faint electrical charge in the air around him, and so, after only a few minutes, he returned to the streets, heading south, crossing the avenues at random, simply moving forward with no direction in mind. He passed down Broadway, through the swarming neon of Times Square, then down Seventh Avenue. It was nearly deserted until he reached the plant and flower district in Chelsea. The trucks were unloading everything from common ferns to the most exotic tropical flowers, and for a long time, Corman watched the whole striking process from the front booth of a small diner on 26th Street.

Before he left, an idea struck him, a series of photographs that would show how the city reprovisioned itself during the night. He would record the flower district, the meat, fish and vegetable markets, the unloading of trucks, freight cars, planes, boats, barges, how the city was fed by tubes of streets, bridges, waterways, airlanes. He would take Lucy with him, teach her the mystery of replenishment.

By dawn he’d reached the great stone ramparts of the Brooklyn Bridge, faintly blue in the chill morning air. The rain had stopped, and a heavy mist rose from the gray waters. As he looked at it, he thought of Lazar, all the photographs he’d taken of people huddled together, shrouded in the mist, waylaid by the storm, but searching through it anyway, enduring and eternal, relentless as the unrelenting rain.

A chill breeze swept up from the river. He lifted his collar against it, briefly headed back uptown, then thought better of it and turned southward again, moving out onto the bridge, walking steadily until he’d reached its towering center. The wind was cold as it blew unhindered over the river. It chilled his lungs and tore madly at his hair, but he continued to stand silently between the great gray arches, with emptiness below, he knew, and above, more emptiness.

And yet?

Standing.