The Clan of the Cave Bear

22

«Iza! Iza! Come quick! It's Durc!» Ayla grabbed the medicine woman's arm and dragged her toward the entrance to the cave.

«What's wrong?» the woman motioned, hurrying to keep up. «Is he choking again? Is he hurt?»

«No, he's not hurt. Look!» Ayla gestured proudly when they reached Creb's hearth. «He's holding his head up!»

The infant was lying on his stomach looking up at the two women with large solemn eyes that were losing the dark, indistinct color of newborns and becoming the deep brown shade of people of the Clan. His head bobbed with the effort, then dropped back down on the fur blanket. He shoved his fist in his mouth and began sucking noisily, oblivious of the stir his efforts had caused.

«If he can do it this young, he'll be able to support it when he grows up, won't he?» Ayla pleaded.

«Don't build your hopes up yet,» Iza replied, «but it is a good sign.» Creb shuffled into the cave, staring into space with the unfocused, faraway look characteristic of him when lost in thought.

«Creb!» Ayla called, running up to him. Jolted back to reality, he looked up.

«Durc held his head up, didn't he, Iza?» The medicine woman nodded in agreement.

«Hhmmf,» he grunted. «If he's getting that strong, I think it's time.»

«Time for what?»

«I've been thinking I should have a totem ceremony for him. He's a little young, but I've had some strong impressions. His totem has been making himself known to me.

There's no reason to wait. Later, everyone will be busy getting ready to leave, and I should do it before the Clan Gathering. It might be unlucky for him to travel if his totem doesn't have a home.» Seeing the medicine woman reminded him of something else. «Iza, do you have enough roots for the ceremony? I don't know how many clans will be there.

Last time one of the clans that moved to a cave farther east was thinking of going to a Clan Gathering south of the mountains. It would be a little farther away for them but easier traveling. Their old mog-ur was against it, but his acolyte wanted to go. Make sure you bring plenty.»

«I won't be going to the Clan Gathering, Creb.» Her disappointment was obvious.

«I can't travel that far, I'll have to stay behind.»

Of course, what's wrong with me, he thought, looking at the thin, nearly whitehaired medicine woman. Iza can't go. Why didn't I think of that before? She's too sick. I thought she was going to leave us last fall; I don't know how Ayla pulled her through.

But what about the ceremony? Only the women of Iza's line know the secret of the special drink. Uba's too young; it has to be a woman. Ayla! What about Ayla? Iza could teach her before we leave. It's time she was made a medicine woman anyway.

Creb watched the young woman as she stooped to pick up her son and suddenly saw her more critically than he had for years. But will they accept her? He tried to see her as the people of other clans would see her. Her golden hair hung loose around her flat face, tucked behind her ears and parted haphazardly at the center, exposing her bulging forehead. Her body was definitely a woman's, but slender except for a slightly flaccid stomach. Her legs were long and straight, and when she stood up she towered over him.

She does not look like a Clan woman, he thought. She's going to get a lot of attention, and not much of it favorable, I'm afraid. We just might have to forget that ceremony. The other mog-urs might not accept the drink if Ayla makes it. But it would not hurt to try. If only Uba were a little older. Maybe Iza could train them both, though I don't think they'll be willing to accept a girl any more than a woman born to the Others. I think I'll go talk to Brun. If I'm going to call the spirits for Durc's totem ceremony, we might as well make Ayla a medicine woman at the same time.

«I must see Brun,» Creb motioned abruptly, and started toward the leader's hearth. He turned back to Iza. «I think you should teach both Ayla and Uba to make the drink, but I'm not sure it will do any good.»

«Iza, I can't find the bowl you gave me for the medicine woman of the host clan,» Ayla gestured frantically after pawing through piles of food, furs, and implements stacked on the ground near her sleeping place. «I've looked everywhere.»

«You already packed it, Ayla. Settle down, child. There's still time. Brun won't be ready to leave until he's through eating. You'd better sit down and eat, yourself, your mush is getting cold. Uba, you too.» Iza shook her head. «I've never seen such carryingson. We went over everything last night, it's all ready.»

Creb was sitting on a mat, Durc in his lap, watching the last-minute commotion with amusement. «They're not any different from you, Iza. Why don't you sit down and eat?»

«I'll have plenty of time after you leave,» she replied. Creb propped the baby up against his shoulder. Durc looked around from his new vantage point. «Look how strong that baby's neck is,» Iza remarked. «He doesn't have any trouble holding his head up now.

It's hard to believe. Ever since his totem ceremony, it's been getting stronger all the time.

Let me take him, I won't be able to hold him all summer.»

«Perhaps that's why the Gray Wolf wanted me to do it so soon,» Creb motioned.

«He wanted to help the boy.»

Creb sat back and watched the small brood over which he was patriarch. Though he kept it to himself, he had often longed for a family like the other men. Now, in his old age, he had two doting women who did everything they could to make him comfortable, a girl who was following in their footsteps, and a healthy baby boy to cuddle the way he had done with the two girls. He had talked to Brun about the boy's training. The leader could not allow a male member of his clan to grow up without the necessary skills. Brun had accepted the child knowing he would be living at Creb's hearth and felt responsible for him. Ayla was grateful when Brun announced at Durc's totem ceremony that he would personally take charge of the baby's training if he became strong enough to hunt.

She could think of no better man to train her son.

The Gray Wolf is a good totem for the boy, Creb mused, but it makes me wonder.

Some wolves run with the pack and some are loners. Which one is Durc's totem?

When everything was packed and secured in bundles, and loaded on the backs of the young woman and the girl, they all trooped out of the cave together. Iza gave the baby a last hug while he nuzzled her neck, helped Ayla wrap him in the carrying cloak, and then took something from a fold of her wrap.

«This is for you to carry now, Ayla. You are the medicine woman of the clan,» Iza said, giving her the red-dyed bag that held the special roots. «Do you remember every step? Nothing must be left out. I wish I could have shown you, but the magic can't be made just for practice. It's too sacred to be thrown away and it can't be used for any ceremony, only very important ones. Remember, it's not just the roots that make the magic; you must prepare yourselves as carefully as you prepare the drink.» Uba and Ayla both nodded as the young woman took the precious relic and put it in her medicine bag. Iza had given her the otter-skin pouch the day she was made medicine woman, and it still reminded her of the one Creb had burned. Ayla reached for her amulet and felt for the fifth object she carried in it now: a piece of black manganese dioxide nestled in the small pouch along with the three nodules of iron pyrite stuck together, a red-stained oval of mammoth ivory, the fossil cast of a gastropod, and a chunk of red ochre.

Ayla's body had been marked with the black ointment, made by crushing and heating the black stone and mixing it with fat, when she became the repository of a part of the spirits of every member of the clan, and, through Ursus, of the entire Clan. Only for the highest and holiest of rituals was a medicine woman's body printed with black marks, and only medicine women were allowed to carry the black stone in their amulets.

Ayla wished Iza was going with them, and she worried about leaving her behind.

Deep coughing spasms shook the fragile woman often.

«Iza, are you sure you're going to be all right?» Ayla motioned, after giving her a quick hug. «Your cough is worse.»

«It's always worse in winter. You know it gets better in summer. Besides, you and Uba collected so many elecampane roots, I don't think there's a single plant left around here, and we probably won't have many black raspberries this season with all the roots you dug up to mix with wort flowers for my tea. I'll be fine, don't worry about me,» Iza assured her. But Ayla noticed the relief from the medication was temporary at best The old woman had been doctoring herself with the plants for years; her tuberculosis had progressed too far for them to be very effective anymore.

«Make sure you go outside on sunny days, and rest a lot,» Ayla urged. «There won't be much work to do around here, there's plenty of food and wood. Zoug and Dorv can keep the fire going to keep animals and evil spirits away, and Aba can do the cooking.»

«Yes, yes,» Iza agreed. «Hurry now, Brun's ready to start.» Ayla fell into her customary place at the rear, while everyone looked at her and waited.

«Ayla,» Iza motioned. «No one can start until you get in your right place.» Sheepishly, Ayla moved to the front of the group of women. She had forgotten her new status. Her face turned pink with embarrassment as she stepped in line ahead of Ebra. She was uncomfortable; it just didn't seem right for her to be first. She waved an apologetic signal to the mate of the leader, but Ebra was accustomed to her second place.

It seemed strange, though, to see Ayla in front of her instead of Iza; it made her wonder if she would be going to the next Clan Gathering.

Iza and the three people too old to make the trip accompanied the clan as far as the ridge and stood watching after them until they were small dots on the plain below. Then they returned to the empty cave. Aba and Dorv had missed the last Clan Gathering and were almost surprised they were alive to miss another, but it was the first time for Zoug and Iza. Though Zoug still went out with his sling occasionally, he returned emptyhanded more often now, and Dorv couldn't see well enough to go out at all.

The four of them huddled around the fire at the entrance to the cave even though the day was warm, but they made no attempt at conversation. Suddenly, Iza was overcome by a fit of coughing that brought up a large, bloody mass of phlegm. She went to her hearth to rest and soon the others wandered into the cave and sat idly within their respective hearths. They had not been infected with the excitement of the long journey or the anticipation of seeing friends and relatives from other clans. They knew their summer would be unbearably lonely.

The freshness of early summer in the temperate zone near the cave changed character on the open plains of the continental steppes to the east. Gone was the rich green foliage that filled out brush and deciduous trees, and still betrayed the new season's growth of conifers with needles a shade lighter at the tips of branches and spires. Instead, quick-rooting and sprouting herbs and grasses, already chest high, whose youthful verdancy was lost to the drab hue indeterminate between green and gold, stretched to the horizon. Thick, matted, old-season growth cushioned their steps as the clan wove their way across the illimitable prairie, leaving a temporary ripple behind showing the way they had come. Clouds rarely marred the boundless expanse above except for an occasional thunderstorm, more often seen from a distance. Surface water was scarce. They stopped to fill waterbags at every stream, unsure if they would find any conveniently close when they camped for the night.

Brun set a pace to accommodate the slower-moving members of the traveling party, but one that pushed them. They had a long way to go to reach the cave of the host clan in the high mountains of the mainland to the east. It was difficult going for Creb in particular, but anticipation of the great Gathering and the solemn ceremonies he would lead buoyed his spirits. Though his body was crippled and atrophied, and further degenerated by arthritis, it did not impair the mental power of the great magician. The warm sun and Ayla's painkilling plants eased his aching joints, and after a time the exercise toughened the muscles even in the leg of which he had only limited use.

The travelers settled into a monotonous routine, one day blending into the next with weary regularity. The advancing season changed so gradually, they hardly noticed when the warm sun became a scorching ball of flame searing the steppes, turning the flat plain into a jaundiced monochrome of dun earth, buff grass, and beige rocks against a dustladen, yellowish drab sky. For three days their eyes smarted with smoke and ashes carried by the prevailing winds from a sweeping prairie fire. They passed massive herds of bison, and giant deer with huge palmate antlers, horses, onagers, and asses; more rarely, saiga antelope with horns growing straight out of the tops of their heads slightly curved back at the tips; tens upon tens of thousands of grazing animals supported by the extensive grassland.

Long before they neared the marshy isthmus, which both connected the peninsula to the main continent and served as the outlet for the shallow salty sea to the northeast, the massive mountain range, second highest on the earth, loomed into view. Even the lowest peaks were capped with glacial ice to halfway down their flanks, coldly unmoved by the searing heat of the plains. When the level prairie merged into low rolling hills, dotted with fescue and feather grass and red with the richness of iron ore-the red ochre making it hallowed ground-Brun knew the salt marsh was not far beyond. It was a secondary and more tenuous link. The primary connection of the peninsula to the mainland was the northern one that formed part of the western boundary of the smaller inland sea.

For two days they struggled through putrid, mosquito-infested swamps of brackish water, broken through by occasional channels, before they reached the mainland. Scrub oak and hornbeam quickly led to the cool, welcome shade of parkland oak woods. They passed through an almost pure stand of beech, relieved by a few chestnut, and into a mixed forest dominated by oak, but including boxwood and yew, draped with clinging ivy and clematis. The lianas thinned out, but still climbed an occasional tree when they reached a belt of fir and spruce intermixed with beech, maple, and hornbeam. The western part was the wettest of the entire range and carried a dense cover of forests, and the lowest snowline.

They caught glimpses of forest bison and the red deer, roe deer, and elk of wooded landscapes; they saw boar, fox, badger, wolf, lynx, leopard, wildcat, and many smaller animals, but not a single squirrel. Ayla sensed something was missing in the fauna of these mountains before she realized the absence of the familiar creature. it was more than made up for by their first sighting of a cave bear.

Brun threw up his hand in a signal to stop, then pointed ahead at the monstrous shaggy bruin rubbing his back against a tree. Even the children sensed the awe with which the clan viewed the massive vegetarian. His physical presence was impressive enough. The brown bears of their own mountains, and of these too, averaged about three hundred and fifty pounds; the weight of a male cave bear, during the summer while he was still fairly lean, was closer to a thousand. In late fall, when he was fattened for winter, his bulk was much greater. He towered above the men of the clan by nearly three times their height, and with his huge head and shaggy coat, seemed even bigger. Lazily scratching his back on the rough bark of the old snag, he appeared unaware of the people frozen in their tracks so close by. But he had little to fear from any creature and was simply ignoring them. The smaller brown bears inhabiting the area near their own cave had been known to break the neck of a stag with one blow of a powerful foreleg; what couldn't this huge brain do? Only another male during rutting season, or the female of the species protecting her cubs, would dare to stand up to him. She was invariably successful.

But it was more than the tremendous size of the animal that held the clan spellbound. This was Ursus, the personification of the Clan itself. He was their kin, and more, he embodied their very essence. His bones alone were so sacred they could ward off any evil. The kinship they felt was a spiritual tie, far more meaningful than any physical one. It was through his Spirit that all the clans were united into one and meaning was given to the Gathering they had traveled so far to attend. It was his essence that made them Clan, the Clan of the Cave Bear.

The bear tired of his activity-or his itch was satisfied-and he stretched to his full height, walked on hind legs a few paces, then dropped down on all four legs. Muzzle drooping close to the ground, he moved ponderously away with a lumbering gallop. For all his great size, the cave bear was basically a peaceful creature and rarely attacked unless he was annoyed.

«Was that Ursus?» Uba motioned, agog with wonder.

«That was Ursus,» Creb affirmed. «And you will see another cave bear when we get there.»

«Does the host clan really have a living cave bear in their cave?» Ayla asked.

«He's so big.» She knew it was the custom for the clan that hosted the Clan Gathering to capture a cave bear cub and raise him in the cave.

«He's probably in a cage outside the cave now, but when he was young, he lived in the cave with them and was raised like a child, with every hearth feeding him whenever he wanted to eat. Most clans claim their cave bears even learn to talk a little, but I was young the time we hosted the Clan Gathering. I don't remember very much about it, so I can't say if that's true. When the bear is about half grown, he is put in a cage so he can't hurt anyone, but everyone still feeds him tidbits and pets him when they walk by so he will know he is loved. He will be honored at the Bear Ceremony and will carry our messages to the world of the spirits,» Creb explained.

They'd been told about it before but, after seeing a cave bear, the story took on new meaning to those who were too young to remember or had never been to a Clan Gathering.

«When can we host a Clan Gathering and get a cave bear to live with us?» Uba asked.

«When it's our turn, unless the clan whose turn it is can't. Then we can offer. But clans seldom miss the opportunity to host the Clan Gathering, though hunters may have to travel a long way to find a cave bear cub, and the danger from the mother bear is very great. The clan that is hosting this time is fortunate. Cave bears still live near their cave.

They have helped other clans to get cave bears, but now it's their turn. There are none left around our cave, but there must have been once, since the bones of Ursus were in our cave when we found it,» Creb answered.

«What if something happens to the clan that is supposed to host a Gathering? Our clan doesn't even live in the same cave as before,» Ayla asked. «If it was our turn, how would anyone know where to find us?»

«We'd send runners to the nearest clan to spread the news, either to tell the clans where the new cave is or to give another clan the chance.» Brun signaled, and the clan got under way again. When they passed the tree used by the cave bear as a back scratcher, Creb examined it closely and retrieved a few tufts of hair still caught in the rough bark. He wrapped them carefully in a leaf held in his teeth, then tucked them away in a fold of his wrap. The hair from a living wild cave bear would make powerful charms.

The giant conifers of the lower foothills were replaced by shorter, sturdier upland varieties as they ascended, opening up to breathtaking views of the glistening mountain tops they had seen from a distance as they crossed the plains. Birch thickets appeared, and low-trailing juniper and rosy pink azalea, whose many-flowered blossoms were just beginning to bloom, splashing the primary green of nature with bright color. A multitude of wild flowers added more shades to the palette of vibrant hues: spotted orange tiger lilies, mauve and pink columbine, blue and purple vetch, light lavender iris, blue gentian, yellow violet, primrose, and whites in a diversity of shapes. The southern mountain range, like the one at the lower tip of the peninsula which was folded during the same orogeny, was a refuge for the flora and fauna of a continent during the Ice Age.

Occasional chamois made an appearance, and heavy-horned mouflon. They were almost into the scrubby dwarf trees of mountainous taiga, bordering the high meadows of low sedges and grass, before they came to a well-worn path that traversed a steep incline.

The men of the host clan had much farther to go before they reached the open plains north of the mountains to hunt, but the proximity of cave bears made the place so lucky, they were willing to accept the inconvenience. It also made them more adept at hunting the elusive forest animals.

The people running to greet the newly arriving clan, when they first saw Brun and Grod appear around a bend in the trail, stopped short at the sight of Ayla. The training of a lifetime could not prevent the shocked stares. Her position in front of the women, as the travel-weary clan filed silently to the open space near the cave, caused a flurry of speculation. Creb had warned her, but Ayla wasn't prepared for the sensation she caused; nor was she prepared for the throng of people. Over two hundred stunned individuals crowded around to see the strange woman. Ayla had never seen so many people in her life, much less in one place.

They stopped in front of a huge cage of stout poles sunk deep in the ground, lashed firmly together. Inside was another of the massive bears they had seen on their way, this one even bigger. Hand-fed for three years with a super-abundance that kept him placid and tame, the gigantic cave bear lolled in lazy indolence within the fenced enclosure, almost too fat to stand up. It had been a labor of devotion and reverence for the small clan to maintain the huge bear for so long, and even the many gifts of food, implements, and furs brought by the visiting clans could not make up for the effort it took. But there wasn't a single person who didn't envy the members of the host clan, and every clan eagerly awaited its turn to take on the same task and reap the spiritual benefits and status of the great honor.

The cave bear waddled over to see what was causing the commotion, hoping for more handouts, and Uba crowded in closer to Ayla, as much overwhelmed by the crush of people as by the bear. The leader and the magician of the host clan approached them and made gestures of greeting, quickly followed by an angry question.

«Why have you brought one of the Others to our Clan Gathering, Brun?» the leader of the host clan motioned.

«She is a woman of the Clan, Norg, and a medicine woman of Iza's line,» Brun returned, more calmly than he felt. A murmur rose from the watching people and a flash of excited hand signals.

«That's impossible!» the mog-ur gestured. «How can she be a woman of the Clan?

She was born to the Others.»

«She is a woman of the Clan,» The Mog-ur repeated, just as adamantly as Brun.

He fixed the host clan leader with a baleful glare. «Do you doubt me, Norg?» Norg looked at his mog-ur uncomfortably, but got no satisfaction from the magician's confused expression.

«Norg, we have traveled far and we are tired,» Brun said. «This is hardly the time to discuss it. Do you deny us the hospitality of your cave?» It was a tense moment. If Norg refused them, they would have no choice but to return the long distance back to their cave. It would be a grave breach of propriety, but to allow Ayla entrance would be tantamount to accepting her as a woman. of the Clan; at least it would give Brun a clear edge. Norg looked again at his mog-ur, then at the powerful one-eyed man who was The Mog-ur, then back at the man who was leader of the clan ranked first of all the clans. If The Mog-ur said so, what could he do?

Norg signaled his mate to show Brun's clan to the place reserved for them, but he marched in beside Brun and The Mog-ur. As soon as they were settled, he was going to find out how a woman obviously born to the Others had become a woman of the Clan.

The entrance to the cave of the host clan was smaller than the entrance to the cave of Brun 's clan, and the cave itself seemed smaller when they first walked in. But rather than one large room with a small adjunct for ceremonies, this cave was a series of rooms and tunnels that honeycombed their way far into the mountain, most of them unexplored.

There was more than enough room to house all the visiting clans, though they might not have the advantage of light from the mouth. Brun's clan was led to the room second from the front and filled one whole side of it. It was a favorable location befitting their topranked status. Though several clans were already settled farther back, the place would have been held for them until the beginning of the actual Bear Festival. Only then, when it was certain they weren't coming, would it be given to the next-highest-ranked clan.

The Clan as a whole had no leader, but there was a hierarchy of clans just as there was a hierarchy of members within a clan, and the leader of the highest-ranked clan became, in effect, the leader of the Clan, simply because he was the highest-ranking member. But it was by no means a position of absolute authority. The clans were too autonomous for that. All were led by independent, dictatorial men who were accustomed to being a law unto themselves, meeting only once in seven years. They did not yield easily to greater authority, save tradition and the world of the spirits. The way each clan fit in the hierarchy, and therefore, the one man acknowledged leader of the Clan, was decided at the Clan Gathering.

Many elements contributed to a clan's status; ceremonies were not the only activity, competitions were of equal if not greater importance. The necessity of cooperation within clans for survival, which imposed the stricture of self-control, found an acceptable outlet in contests with other clans. And it was as necessary for survival in a different way. Controlled competition kept them from each other's throats. Nearly everything became a competition when the clans met. The men vied in wrestling, slinghurling, bola-throwing, arm strength with use of a club, running, more complicated running-and-spear-stabbing races, toolmaking, dancing, storytelling, and the combination of both in dramatic hunt reenactments.

Though theirs were not given as much weight as the men's competitions, the women made their contribution. The great feast was an opportunity to display cooking skills. The gifts brought for the host clan were first arranged in plain view for everyone's inspection, critically examined, and judged by a consensus of the other women. The handiwork included soft pliable skins, luxuriant furs, watertight baskets, open-weave carrying baskets, mats of subtle texture and design, containers of stiff rawhide or bark, strong cords of sinew or fibrous plants or animal hair, long thongs of even width with no weak spots, wooden bowls finished to a uniform smoothness, serving platters of bone or the thinner sections of logs, cups, bowls and ladles, hoods, hats, foot coverings, hand coverings, and other pouches; even babies were compared. The honors were not awarded as obviously among the women. Theirs was a more subtle game of differences in expression or gesture or posture that discriminated with finesse, but it was no less honest in perceptively distinguishing mediocre from good work and awarding approbation to that which was truly fine.

The relative position of each clan's medicine woman and mog-ur was a consideration in determining status. Iza and Creb had both contributed to the first place of Brun's clan, as did the fact that the clan had been first for several generations before him, only, however, giving Brun a slight edge when he first became leader. As important as all the contributing factors were, it was the leadership capability of the head of the clan that was decisive. And if the competition among the women was subtle, the determination of which leader was most capable was infinitely more so.

Partly, the determination depended on how well the men of each clan performed in the competitions, showing how well a leader trained and motivated them; partly on how hard the women worked and how well they conducted themselves, showing a leader's firm guiding hand. Part was based on adherence to Clan tradition, but most of a leader's position, and consequently his clan's, was based on the strength of his own character. Brun knew he would be pushed to the limit this time; he had already lost ground by bringing Ayla.

Clan Gatherings were also a time to reestablish old acquaintances, see relatives from other clans, and exchange gossip and stories that would enliven many a cold winter evening for the next few years. Young people, unable to find mates within their own clan, vied for each other's attention, though matings could only take place if the woman was acceptable to the leader of the young man's clan. It was considered an honor for a young woman to be chosen, especially by a clan of a higher status, although moving away would be traumatic for her and her loved ones left behind. Despite Zoug's recommendation and the status of Iza's line, Iza thought it was doubtful that Ayla would find a mate. Having a child might have helped if her son had been normal, but her deformed baby precluded any hope for her.

Ayla's thoughts were far from finding a mate. She was having enough trouble just getting up courage to face the congregation of curious, suspicious people outside the cave. She and Uba had unpacked and set up the hearth that would be their home for the duration of their visit. Norg's mate had seen to it that stones for fireplaces and definition of boundaries were piled conveniently nearby, and skins of water were available for guest clans. Ayla had taken great care to display her gifts for the host clan the way Iza had explained, and the quality of her work had already attracted notice. She washed off the travel grime, changed to a clean wrap, then nursed her son while Uba waited impatiently.

The girl was anxious to explore the area near the cave and see all the people, but reluctant to face them alone.

«Hurry, Ayla,» she motioned. «Everyone else is out already. Can't you feed Durc later? I'd rather sit out in the sun than in this dark old cave, wouldn't you?» «I don't want him to start crying right away. You know how loud he cries. People might think I'm not a good mother,» Ayla said. «I don't want to do anything to make them think any worse of me than they do. Creb told me people would be surprised when they saw me, but I didn't think they might not let us stay. And I didn't think they'd stare like that.»

«Well, they let us in, and after Creb and Brun get through talking to them, they'll know you're a Clan woman. Come on, Ayla. You can't stay in the cave forever, you've got to face them sooner or later. They'll get used to you after a while, just like we did. I don't notice that you look different hardly at all; I really have to think about it.» «I was there before you were born, Uba. They've never seen me before. Oh, all right, I might as well get it over with. Let's go. Don't forget to bring something for the cave bear to eat.»

Ayla got up, leaned Durc against her shoulder, and patted his back as they started out. They made a gesture of respect to Norg's mate as they passed her hearth. The woman returned a greeting gesture and quickly turned back to her task, suddenly conscious that she had been staring. Ayla took a deep breath as she neared the entrance and held her head up a little higher. She was determined to ignore the curiosity about her; she was a woman of the Clan and she belonged here as much as anyone.

Her determination was tested to the fullest when she walked into the bright sunlight. Every person of every clan had found some reason to stay near the cave to wait for the strange Clan woman to come out. Many of them tried not to be obvious about it, but many more forgot, or ignored, common courtesy and stared in open-mouthed wonder.

Ayla could feel her face flush. She changed Durc's position as an excuse to look at him rather than the multitude of faces turned in her direction.

It was fortunate she was looking at her son. Her action focused attention on Durc who had been overlooked at the first shock of her appearance. Expressions and gestures, some not so discreet, made it clear what they thought of her son. He would not have had to look like one of their babies; if he resembled her, they could have accepted him better.

Regardless of what Brun and The Mog-ur said, Ayla was one of the Others; her baby could have fit into the same mold. But Durc had enough Clan characteristics to make his modifications seem to be distortions. He was a grossly deformed baby that should not have been allowed to live. Not only did Ayla's worth drop, Brun lost more ground, too.

Ayla turned her back on the suspicious stares and gaping mouths, and she and Uba went to look at the cave bear in his cage. When he saw them approach, the huge bruin lumbered over, sat up, and reached through the bars of the cage for the expected treat. They both backed off at the sight of the monstrous paw with its thick, rather stubby claws, more adapted to digging the roots and tubers that made up a large part of his normal diet than to hauling his huge bulk up trees. Unlike brown bears, only the cubs of cave bears were agile and small enough to climb. Ayla and Uba put their apples on the ground just beyond the stout poles that had once been reasonably mature trees.

The creature, raised like a well-loved child and never allowed the least bit of hunger, was entirely tame and comfortable around people. The intelligent animal had learned that certain actions invariably brought additional choice tidbits. He sat up and begged. Ayla would have smiled at his clownish antics if she had not remembered to control it in time.

«Now I know why clans say their cave bears talk,» Ayla motioned to Uba. «He's asking for more; do you have another apple?»

Uba gave her one of the small, hard, round fruits, and this time Ayla went to the cage and gave it to him. He put it in his mouth, then moved closer to the bars and rubbed his huge, shaggy head against a projection on one of the tree trunks.

«I think you want to be scratched, you old honey-lover,» Ayla gestured. She had been warned never to motion bear or cave bear or Ursus in his presence. If he was called by his real names, he would remember who he was and know he was not just a member of the clan who raised him. It would make him a wild bear again, void the Bear Ceremony, and ruin the whole reason for the festival. She scratched behind his ear.

«You like that, don't you, winter sleeper,» Ayla motioned and reached to scratch behind the other ear he had turned in her direction. «You could scratch your own ears if you wanted to-you're just lazy; or do you want attention? You big furry baby.» Ayla rubbed and scratched the huge head, but when Durc reached for a handful of shaggy hair, she backed away. She had petted and scratched the small wounded animals she had brought to their own cave enough to sense that this was just a bigger, tamer variety of the same thing. Protected by the heavy cage, she quickly lost her fear of the bear, but her baby was another matter. When Durc reached his tiny hands for a fistful of hair, the huge mouth and long claws suddenly looked dangerous.

«How could you get so close to him?» Uba motioned with awe. «I'd be afraid to get that close to his cage.»

«He's really just a big baby, but I forgot about Durc. That animal could hurt him with a friendly nudge. He may seem like a baby when he's begging for food or wants attention, but I'd hate to think what he could do if he ever got angry,» Ayla said as they walked away from his cage.

Uba wasn't the only one surprised at Ayla's fearlessness, the whole Clan had been watching. Most visitors shied away, especially at first. Young boys made a game of dashing up, reaching in the cage and touching the bear to show off their bravery, and men were too proud to show fear whether they felt it or not. But few women, outside the host clan, ever went very close, and to reach through the bars to scratch him at first look was unexpected from a woman. It didn't exactly change their opinion of Ayla, but it made them wonder.

Now that they had all gotten a good look at Ayla, people were drifting away, but she was still conscious of surreptitious glances. The outright stares from small children didn't bother her nearly as much. Theirs was the natural curiosity of the young for anything unusual and didn't carry connotations of suspicion or disapproval.

Ayla and Uba headed for a shady spot under an over-hanging rock on the outer fringes of the large, sloping, cleared area in front of the cave. From that discreet distance, they could watch the activities without discourtesy.

There had always been a closeness of a special quality between Ayla and Uba.

Ayla had been sister, mother, and playmate to the younger girl, but since Uba had begun training in earnest, and especially after she followed Ayla to the small cave, their friendship shifted to a more equal relationship. They were close friends. Uba was almost six and had reached an age where she was beginning to show an interest in the opposite sex.

They sat in the cool shade, Durc lying on his stomach on top of the carrying cloak between them, kicking and waving his arms, and lifting his head up to look around.

During the trip, he had begun to babble and make cooing noises, which no Clan baby ever did. It worried Ayla, yet in some inexplicable way pleased her. Uba commented on the older boys and young men, and Ayla teased her about it in a friendly way. By unspoken agreement, no mention was made of possible mates for Ayla though she was of a far more matable age. They were both glad the long journey was over and speculated about the Bear Ceremony since neither had been to a Clan Gathering before. While they talked, a young woman approached, and in the formal, silent, universally known language, shyly asked if she could join them.

They welcomed her; it was the first friendly gesture they had received. They could see she had a baby in her carrying cloak, but it was sleeping and the woman made no move to disturb it.

«This woman is called Oda,» she motioned formally after she sat down, and made a gesture that indicated she wanted to know their names.

Uba responded. «This girl is called Uba, the woman is Ayla.» «Aay…Aayghha? Name-word not know.» Oda's common dialect and gestures were a little different, but they understood the essence of her comment.

«The name is not Clan,» the blonde woman said. She understood the difficulty the rest of them had with her name; even some in her own clan could not say it quite right.

Oda nodded, lifted her hands as though she was going to say something, then changed her mind. She seemed nervous and uncomfortable. Finally she motioned toward Durc.

«This woman can see you have an infant,» she said, rather hesitantly. «Is the infant a male or a female?»

«The infant is a male. The infant's name is Durc, like Durc of the legend. Is the woman familiar with that legend?»

Oda's eyes had a strange look of relief. «This woman knows of the legend. The name is not common with this woman's clan.»

«The name is not common with this woman's clan, either. But the infant is not common. Durc is special; the name is suitable,» Ayla motioned with a hint of proud defiance.

«This woman has an infant. The infant is female. The name is Ura,» Oda said. She still seemed nervous and hesitant. A strained silence followed.

«Does the infant sleep? This woman would see Ura if the mother would allow,» Ayla finally asked, not knowing what else to say to the woman whose friendliness had such a hesitant quality.

Oda seemed to consider the request for a while, then, as though making a decision, took the baby from her cloak and laid her in Ayla's arms. Ayla's eyes flew open in stunned amazement. Ura was young-she could not have been born much more than a moon before-but it wasn't the newborn look that surprised the tall woman. Ura looked like Durc! She looked enough like Durc to be his sibling. Oda's baby could have been hers!

Ayla's mind reeled with the impact. How could a Clan woman have a baby that resembled hers? She thought Durc looked different because he was part Clan and part her, but Creb and Brun must have been right all along. Durc wasn't different, he was deformed, just like Oda's baby was deformed. Ayla was at a loss; she was so upset, she couldn't think of anything to say. Uba finally broke the long silence.

«Your baby looks like Durc, Oda.» Uba forgot to use the formal language, but Oda understood her.

«Yes,» the woman nodded. «This woman was surprised when she saw Aayghha's baby. That's why I…this woman wanted to talk to you. I didn't know if yours was a boy or a girl, but I hoped the infant would be male.»

«Why?» Ayla signaled.

Oda looked at the baby in Ayla's lap. «My daughter is deformed,» she gestured without quite looking at Ayla. «I was afraid she would never find a mate when she grows up. What man would have such a deformed woman?» Oda's eyes pleaded when she looked at Ayla. «When I…when this woman saw your infant, I hoped he was male because it will not be easy for your son to find a mate, either, you know.» Ayla hadn't thought about a mate for Durc. Oda was right, he might have trouble finding a woman to mate. She understood now why Oda had approached them.

«Is your daughter healthy?» she asked. «Strong?»

Oda looked at her hands before she answered. «The infant is thin, but the health is good. The infant has a weak neck,» she gestured, «but it's getting stronger,» Oda added fervently.

Ayla looked more closely at the baby girl, asking permission with a questioning look before removing her swaddling. The infant was more stocky than Durc, closer to the build of Clan babies, but her bones were thinner. She had the same high forehead and general shape to her head, only the brow ridges were much smaller. Her nose was almost petite, but it was clear she would have the prognathous, chinless jaw of the Clan. The female baby's neck was shorter than Durc's, but definitely longer than normal for Clan babies. Ayla lifted the girl, automatically supporting her head, and saw the familiar early efforts of the baby to support her own head.

«Her neck will get stronger, Oda. Durc's was even weaker when he was born, and look at him now.»

«Do you think so?» Oda answered eagerly. «This woman would ask the medicine woman of the first clan to consider this female infant as mate for her male infant,» Oda asked formally.

«I think Ura would make a good mate for Durc, Oda.»

«Then you'll ask your mate if he will allow it?»

«I have no mate,» Ayla replied.

«Oh. Then your son is unlucky,» Oda gestured with disappointment. «Who will train him if you are not mated?»

«Durc is not unlucky,» Ayla insisted. «Not all babies born to unmated women are unlucky. I live at The Mog-ur's hearth; he does not hunt, but Brun himself has promised to train my son. He will be a good hunter, and a good provider. He has a hunting totem, too. The Mog-ur said it is the Gray Wolf.»

«It doesn't matter, an unlucky mate would be better than no mate at all,» Oda motioned with resignation. «I hope you're right. Our mog-ur has not revealed Ura's totem yet, but a Gray Wolf is strong enough for any woman's totem.» «Except Ayla's,» Uba interjected. «Her totem is the Cave Lion. She was chosen.» «How did you ever have a baby?» Oda asked with astonishment. «Mine is the Hamster, but he really fought hard this time. I didn't have so much trouble with my first daughter.»

«My pregnancy was hard, too. Do you have another daughter? Is she normal?»

«She was. She walks in the next world, now,» Oda motioned sadly.

«Is that why Ura was allowed to live? I'm surprised you were allowed to keep her,» Ayla remarked.

«I didn't want to keep her, but my mate made me. It's my punishment,» Oda confessed.

«Your punishment?»

«Yes,» Oda nodded. «I wished for a girl when my mate wanted a boy. It's just that I loved my first baby so much. When she was killed, I wanted another girl just like her.

My mate says Ura is deformed because I had the wrong thoughts when I was pregnant.

He says if I had wished for a boy, my baby would have been normal. He made me keep her so everyone would know I am not a good woman. But he didn't give me away, maybe because no one else would have me.»

«I don't think you're such a bad woman, Oda,» Ayla gestured with a look of compassion. «Iza wished for a girl when she was carrying Uba. She told me she asked her totem for a girl every day. How did your first daughter die?» «She was killed by a man.» Oda flushed with embarrassment. «A man who looked like you, Aayghha, a man of the Others.»

A man of the Others? Ayla thought. A man who looks like me? She felt a chill crawl up her spine and a tingling at the roots of her hair. She noticed Oda's discomfiture.

«Iza says I was born to the Others, Oda, but I don't remember anything about them. I am Clan now,» she said encouragingly. «How did it happen?» «We were on a hunting trip, two other women and me besides the men. Our clan lives north of here, but that time we went farther north than we ever went before. The men left camp early; we stayed to collect wood and dried grass. There were lots of blowflies and we knew we'd have to keep a fire going to get the meat dried. All of a sudden, these men ran into our camp. They wanted to relieve their needs with us, but they didn't make the signal. If they had made the signal, I would have assumed the position, but they didn't give me a chance. They just grabbed us and threw us down. They were so rough. They didn't even let me put my baby down first. The one who grabbed me tore off my wrap and my cloak. My baby fell, but he didn't notice.

«When he was through,» Oda continued, «another man was going to take me, but one of the other men saw my baby. He picked her up and gave her to me, but she was dead. She hit her head on a rock when she fell. Then the man who found her made many loud words, and they all left. When the hunters came back, we told them, and they took us back to the cave right away. My mate was good to me then; he grieved for my daughter, too. I was so glad when I found out my totem had been defeated again so soon after losing her. I didn't even have the woman's curse once; I thought my totem was sorry I lost my baby and decided to let me have another to make up for her. That's why I thought I might have another girl, but I shouldn't have wished for a girl.» «I'm sorry,» Ayla said. «I don't know what I'd do if I lost Durc; I almost did once.

I'll talk to The Mog-ur about Ura; I'm sure he will talk to Brun, he's fond of my son. I think Brun might agree, too. It would be easier than trying to find a woman of our clan to mate with a deformed man.» «This woman would be grateful to the medicine woman, and I promise to train her well, Aayghha. She will be a good woman, not like her mother.

Brun's clan has the highest status; I think my mate will agree. If he knows there is a place for Ura with Brun's clan, he might not be so angry with me. He's always telling me my daughter will be nothing but a burden and never have any status. And when Ura gets older I can tell her she doesn't have to worry about finding a mate. It can be difficult for a woman if no man wants her,» Oda said.

«I know,» the tall blonde woman replied. «I'll talk to The Mog-ur as soon as I can.»

After Oda left, Ayla was pensive and preoccupied. Uba sensed her need for quiet and didn't disturb her. Poor Oda, she was happy, had a good mate and a normal baby.

Then those men had to come and spoil everything. Why didn't they just make the signal?

Couldn't they see Oda had a baby? Those men of the Others, they're as bad as Broud.

Worse. At least Broud would have let her put her baby down first. Men and their needs!

Clan men, men of the Others, they're all alike.

As she mused, her mind kept going back to thoughts of the Others. Men of the Others, men who look like me, who are the Others? Iza said I was born to them, why don't I remember anything about Others? I can't even remember what they look like.

Where do they live? I wonder, how does a man of the Others look? Ayla remembered the reflection of herself in the still pool near their cave and tried to imagine a man with her face. But when she thought of a man, the image of Broud came to her mind, and with a flash of insight, the confused jumble of ideas spinning around in her head fell into place.

Men of the Others! Of course! Oda said one of them relieved his needs with her and she didn't have the curse even once after that. Then she gave birth to Ura, just like Durc was born after Broud relieved his needs with me. That man was of the Others and I was born to them, but Oda and Broud, they're both Clan. Ura is not deformed any more than Durc is. He's part me and part Clan, and so is Ura. Or rather, she's part Oda and part that man who killed her baby. Then Broud did start Durc-with his organ, not the spirit of his totem.

But the other women with Oda didn't have deformed babies. And as often as men and women do it, if a baby is started every time, there'd be nothing but babies. Maybe Creb is right, too. A woman's totem has to be defeated; but she doesn't swallow the totem's essence, a man puts it inside her with his organ. And then it mixes up with the essence of a woman's totem. It's not just men, it's women, too.

Why did it have to be Broud? I wanted a baby, my Cave Lion knew how much I wanted a baby, but Broud hates me. He hates Durc, too. But who else would have? None of the other men are interested in me, I'm too ugly. Broud only did it because he knew how much I hated it. Did my Cave Lion know Broud's totem would finally win? His essence must be potent; Oga already has two sons. Brac and Grev must have been started by Broud's organ, too, like Durc.

Does that mean they're siblings? Brothers? Like Brun and Creb? Brun must have started Broud inside Ebra, too. Unless it was some other man; it could have been any man. Probably not, though. Men don't usually give the signal to the leader's mate, it's discourteous. And Broud doesn't like to share Oga. On the mammoth hunt, Crug always used Ovra. Everyone could see his need, and Goov was more considerate. Even Droog did once or twice.

If Brun started Broud, and Broud started Durc, does that mean Durc is part of Brun, too? And Brac and Grev? Brun and Creb are siblings; they were born to the same mother and probably started by the same man. He was a leader, too. Does that mean Durc is part of Creb, too? And what about Iza? She's a sibling. Ayla shook her head. It's all too confusing, she thought.

Broud did start Durc, though. I wonder if my totem led Broud to give me the signal that first time? It was awful, but it could have been another test, and maybe there was no other way. My totem must have known, must have planned it. He knew how much I wanted a baby, and he did give me a sign that Durc would live. Wouldn't it infuriate Broud if he knew? He hated me so much, he gave me the one thing I wanted most.

«Ayla,» Uba said, interrupting her train of thought, «I just saw Creb and Brun go into the cave. It's getting late, we should start preparing something to eat, Creb will be hungry.»

Durc had fallen asleep. He woke when Ayla picked him up, but soon settled back down, snuggled in the cloak next to his mother's breast. I'm sure Brun will let Ura come and be Durc's mate, she thought as they walked back to the cave of the host clan. They are more right for each other than Oda realizes. But what about me? Will I ever find a mate that's right for me?