The Danger Within

Thirty

Lilian stood trial at Bristol Crown Court.

It felt as if the odds were stacked against her from the start. She continued to fear that Charlie was no longer a hundred per cent behind her. He had not been quite the same with her since the incident with Kurt in Islington. In turn, she was beginning to realize, neither was she any longer sure that this kind and decent man was quite clever enough. His judgement had so far been way off almost throughout. It was possible Kate may not have done her that big a favour in persuading Charlie to take up her case, she reflected disloyally. And her legal aid barrister was, it soon became clear, not a patch on the prosecuting barrister, who put the case against Lilian swiftly and succinctly.

According to the prosecution Lilian was a calculated and violent woman who, under the influence of drugs and alcohol, had attempted to kill her devoted husband. And she had acted without provocation.

Kurt was called to the witness box straight away. Cool, handsome and collected, he was at his most charming. He managed not only to look sorrowful and virtuous, but even vulnerable. In spite of herself Lilian could not help being impressed by his performance. It also seemed almost inevitable to her that she was about to be destroyed by it.

Kurt expressed fluently his great regret over everything that had happened. Even the way he talked was attractive. He spoke beautiful English, with just the merest hint of a South African accent.

His barrister began by asking him about the earlier incident at Penbourne Villas.

Looking embarrassed, his body language awkward, Kurt told how rough sex and drugs led to the wife he so loved throwing herself from the balcony of their home and being seriously injured.

‘I just wish I could turn the clock back,’ he said. ‘I certainly wish I’d never agreed to her demands, never agreed to get drugs for her. But she begged me to.’

Kurt went on to explain how he had fled the UK — after what he called ‘the accident’ — because he didn’t think anyone would believe his version of events.

‘I panicked,’ he says. ‘And when I heard the police were looking for me, I panicked even more. But I soon realized I couldn’t live without Lilian. So I disguised my appearance and acquired another passport in order to re-enter the country, find Lilian, and see if I could persuade her to try again.

‘I knew the risks, and I realize I have behaved stupidly, and that in using a false passport I have committed a serious offence with which I could be charged at any time. But I was prepared to do whatever it took to save my marriage. I was desperate. Really desperate.’

‘Have you ever deliberately hurt your wife, Mr St John, in any way?’ asked the prosecution barrister.

‘Absolutely not,’ said Kurt, his eyes blazing with sincerity. ‘The only injuries she ever suffered, until she fell from the balcony, were the result of the bizarre sexual demands she insisted on making of me. I hated it. But I love her so much. She is still the only woman in the world for me.’

He lowered his voice almost to a whisper. Lilian couldn’t swear to it, but she was pretty sure his eyes had filled with tears.

‘I would still have Lilian back in spite of what she has done to me, however many times she stabbed me, it makes no difference,’ he said. ‘If she goes to jail I will wait for her. I will never walk away from her.’

Those words were quite chilling to Lilian. But she was all too aware of the jury melting.

As he spoke, Kurt turned in the witness box, so that he was directly facing Lilian, staring at her. And there was nothing remotely melting to her about the look in his pale blue eyes. It was pure menace. The jury did not see it. Neither could they possibly have understood what he really meant by his last remark. She understood. He had merely confirmed what she had come to believe a long time ago, since way before he finally put her in hospital, pretty much since she had married him. She now knew absolutely for sure, that Kurt St John would never let her go. He would never leave her alone for as long as they were both alive. Not under any circumstances.

Lilian didn’t know which was the most frightening prospect, being found guilty of attempted murder or the certainty of Kurt’s continuing presence in her life.

Fleetingly she wondered if she wouldn’t be better off in jail. At least she would be safe. Kurt surely wouldn’t be able to get to her there. Not directly, anyway. In any case a prison sentence seemed increasingly to be the most likely outcome.

Her barrister cross-examined, of course. But it seemed to Lilian that he missed many of the most salient points. Amongst other things, he failed to ask Kurt how it was that, by his own admission, he could with such apparent ease obtain illegal drugs, and acquire a false passport. Lilian tried to point this out, but was told that there was a reason for everything Charlie and her barrister did, that they were taking a particular route, and hers would take them into territory that was too dangerous. Or words to that effect. She did not have the strength to argue.

She also had little doubt that the woman judge’s manner indicated that she had quickly become weighted against Lilian. Even in matters of court procedure and any technicalities which arose, it seemed to Lilian that she consistently favoured the prosecution.

From the moment the defence case began, Lilian felt that it was highly unlikely that Mrs Justice Hadley would consider that there was any evidence at all that could be presented which would come even close to justifying Lilian attacking her husband with a knife.

As the proceedings progressed, Lilian became so disheartened that she feared she was falling apart. She couldn’t stop trembling. And it was only with great difficulty that she held back her tears.

Minutes before she was due to take the stand her barrister called for an adjournment. He and Charlie then asked her if she felt capable of giving evidence.

Lilian knew there was only one answer to that question. Yes, of course she was able to give evidence. Had she not been waiting for months for the chance to tell the world what a monster Kurt St John was?

But she didn’t say any of that.

Instead she merely said: ‘I don’t know. I just don’t know anything any more.’

Ultimately Charlie and the barrister suggested that they should attempt a plea bargain.

‘I think it’s our only hope now,’ Charlie told her. ‘The signs are clear. Both the judge and the jury seem to have turned against you. Kurt was just so convincing. And we can’t deny that you stabbed him. All the rest of it is pretty much your word against his, and there really doesn’t seem to be much chance of persuading this court that Kurt is lying.’

Lilian agreed with all of that. Kurt had been as convincing and plausible as he always was. The judge and jury certainly seemed set against her. It wasn’t fair. But nothing was fair in her life. And she had no idea how to fight it.

With great reluctance she agreed to a plea bargain. And it was ultimately accepted by both sides that the charge of attempted murder would be dropped in return for Lilian pleading guilty to a charge of grievous bodily harm.

The judge sentenced her to five years imprisonment, the maximum allowed.

In her summing up Mrs Justice Hadley justified this by referring to Lilian as ‘wilful’ and accused her of having ‘planned this outrage against her husband coolly and calculatedly’. She also described her as ‘being of murderous intent’.

Lilian was desolate. As she had feared, she was on her way to prison. And for a substantial period of time.

Kurt had won again.