The Devil's Punchbowl

CHAPTER 15

Linda doesn’t know whether she’s paralyzed by fear or whether she’s entered a place beyond fear. Her mind has given way to grief or shock, or some mixture of both. They have taken her deep within the bowels of the barge that supports the faux riverboat above her head, to the long hold with black foam on its walls, like the foam in a recording studio. It’s dim, but it doesn’t stink of mildew as some areas of the lower deck do. This hold smells like a new car. It’s here that Sands brings Linda and his other mistresses when he wants sex during business hours. A sofa bed in the corner faces two large LCD screens that display an ever-changing feed from the security cameras upstairs. On those screens Sands can monitor all areas of the casino, even during sex. This room has other uses too. Here they bring the troublemakers and scam artists who aren’t lucky enough to be handed over to the police. For these occasions, a single chair stands in the center of the hold, and beside it a shiny cart like a printer trolley. But the square device on the cart is not a printer. It’s smaller, with thin wires coming off it, like the EKG machine at a doctor’s office. It’s that machine that makes the staff refer to this hold as the real “Devil’s Punchbowl.”

As Quinn leads her by her elbow to the chair, Sands following behind-she can feel his presence-Linda sees something against the far wall of the room. It’s a person, a small man with dark skin and short black hair. She cannot see his face. He’s lying on his side, facing away from her. He’s wearing a T-shirt that says THEY MIGHT BE GIANTS across the shoulders, but his legs are bare. His naked thighs and buttocks look strangely vulnerable, like a boy’s behind, and something dark is smeared across one calf.

“Sit,” Quinn says.

As Linda turns to obey, she sees that the chair is bolted to the floor. This registers like something on a movie screen, not reality; she cannot suspend her disbelief. Before that occurs, before reality breaks through, Quinn has folded thick leather straps over her wrists and ankles and fastened them tight. Quinn’s usual curses and grunts are strangely absent. He’s acting like a pious man in church; he has entered what he feels to be a sacred place. She feels a thick, padded strap tighten around her abdomen, hears the soft rip as Quinn hitches, then rehitches the Velcro that holds it fast.

“Don’t do this,” she whispers.

“Don’t make us,” Sands answers, then steps into her field of vision.

The look in his eyes is terrible to behold. Yet he speaks softly, like a man talking to a child. Behind him the white dog stands alert, awaiting a command. He looks something like a giant pit bull, but his face is wrinkled, and his eyes project a sentience that makes her shiver.

“I need to know some things, girl. And I don’t have a lot of time.”

She nods quickly, submissively. “Can I ask a question first?”

“One.”

“Is Tim dead?”

Sands inclines his head slowly.

She doesn’t want to let them see how this hits her, but she shuts her eyes before she’s even aware of it, shuts them the way a little girl does hearing her father has been killed in a car wreck, as hers was when she was nine.

“How did he die?”

“That’s two questions. We’ve no time for tears, Linda. Timothy tried to bite the hand that fed him. He stole something from me, and we have to get it back. Answer up the first time. Don’t make me ask twice.”

“I don’t think I know anything. But I’ll tell you what I do.”

“Fucking right you will,” Quinn mutters from behind her.

Sands raises a hand to silence him. She has never seen Sands this way. He is more focused now than he is during sex. The pupils of his eyes gleam like scorched motor oil. When he looks at her, she feels her will sapped away, like a bird being hypnotized by a snake.

“What did Timothy tell you he was going to do tonight?”

“He told me he was going to stop you. That’s all I know. I don’t know what he was after, exactly. I tried to talk him out of it. I knew he’d never get away with it.”

“Fucking right,” grunts Quinn again.

“What did he want to stop me from doing?”

“The dogs,” she says, trying to think. “He had a thing about dogs. He went to a dogfight on the river. Remember? You must have said he could go. It upset him. Something happened to him there. The dogs…and the girls. He couldn’t deal with it.”

“The girls?” says Sands.

Quinn laughs. “He was bending you over the aft-deck head while his wife nursed a kid at home. What did he care about some runaway whores?”

Linda shrugs. “He did. He was like that. I don’t know.”

“There’s more,” Sands says. “A lot more. Give us the rest.”

“There isn’t any more. He wasn’t complicated.”

“He had a plan. You had the TracFone hidden in your car.”

“That was just so that he could find me afterward.”

“You were running away together?”

“Not like that. We had to leave for a while, he said, until it was safe. He wasn’t leaving his wife and son, though.”

“How long was it going to be before it was safe?”

She shrugs. “I don’t know. A few days. A week. He never really said. I don’t think he knew.”

Sands’s eyes bore into hers like the light the ophthalmologist shines into your eye to see the very back of it, where the blood vessels and the nerve go in. Sands knows she’s concealing something. If Tim could see her now, he would want her to save herself, to spare herself pain. But he wouldn’t want her to sell out Penn Cage. Penn has a child, and that child needs him.

“Where’s your cell phone?” Sands asks. “Your personal phone.”

“I lost it.” She knows this is stupid even before she finishes speaking.

Quinn makes a mocking sound, but Sands only sighs. “I’ve known you for seven months and I’ve never once seen you without your phone. I’ve read your text messages to Timothy. Everything from ‘I love you, my darling’ to ‘I want you to come in my mouth tonight.’ If he’d known the things you did for me…the boy would’ve gone mad.”

Hot tears streak her face. Sands is right: Tim never got pleasure from degrading her; but Sands lived for it. Worse, he knew that some sick part of her derived pleasure from it as well. Once you’d been wired that way, there was no way to short-circuit those urges and reactions. A harsh voice and a slap made her wet, like Pavlov’s dogs hearing the dinner bell. All you could do was struggle against it, try to drive it out with something else.

“How long has Timothy been talking to Penn Cage?”

Linda blinks but says nothing. Hope has flickered in her breast with religious power. Tim was supposed to meet Penn tonight. Either Tim missed that meeting or he delivered his evidence to Penn. Either way, she has reason to hope. If Tim missed the meeting, Penn will surely turn the town upside down to find him, starting with the Magnolia Queen. And if Tim did manage to get him the evidence, Penn, being the mayor, must certainly know by now that his friend is dead. Either way, his first instinct will be to have Sands arrested. That’s why Sands feels pressed for time. The mayor could be on his way down to the boat with a squad of police at this moment.

You have to stay on the boat, says a voice. Tim’s voice. If they take you off this boat, you’re dead. Or lost, because no one will know where to look for you. But as long as you’re here, you can be found. Whatever they do, you have to take it-

A stalling strategy occurs to Linda, one learned so long ago that it feels inborn. I’ll give them things in stages, she thinks. Lie first, then give up something true. Something to keep them trying. When they feel I’m cooperating, resist again, then give up the next bit. It was like negotiating with a boy in the backseat in junior high. Let him slide his hand under your shirt, but not your bra. Kiss awhile, then push his hand out and kiss some more. When he’s finally, really angry, let him push up the bra and feel them for real. Then the game begins again with the belt and the snap to your jeans.

Only this was no backseat. And these weren’t junior high boys. Every minute of delay would be bought with pain.

You have to take it, Tim’s voice says from within her. Whatever it is-

Sands reaches out and lays a hand on the gleaming metal printer cart. A black rag lies on it. Sands lifts the rag like a magician beginning a trick, and her eyes track to what’s beneath it. The wires end not in EKG leads, but in shiny metal clips. Alligator clips, she remembers from a lab in high school. One of the wires is connected to a metal bolt about five inches long. Dried blood coats it.

When Linda recognizes the blood, her mind jumps to the man on the floor with no pants, and the idea she had before-that she was in some place beyond fear-vanishes like water thrown onto a hot skillet. She’s only crossed the threshold of fear. When she first entered this room, her grief over Tim had smothered everything, even her will to live. Now she wants only to keep breathing, to avoid pain.

Sands moves closer, leans down, pushes a strand of hair from her eye. With an intimate caress he wipes a tear from her cheek, then raises his finger to his mouth and licks it.

“Linda, girl,” he says softly, “there are things far worse than death in this world. I’ve seen people beg to be where Tim is now. There are…appetites. Appetites that fall outside the pale. Quinn is a man of such appetites. I, on the other hand, prefer the shortest path from A to B.”

This statement confounds her.

“In business,” he clarifies, seeing her reaction. “This machine generates electric current, in varying intensity. The clips attach to things that protrude, and the bolt is for…insertion.”

Linda’s stomach heaves.

“Get the bucket,” Sands says.

Quinn moves behind her; a door opens and closes. Then Quinn returns and places a bucket stinking of vomit on the floor. The stench is so primal that it cuts through every last illusion.

They’re not going to stop until they know everything, she realizes. Maybe not even then. Because he’ll have to be sure. Linda has never known such despair. She can protect no one. They’ll find out about Penn Cage, where Julia is hiding-

The generator hums ominously when Sands switches it on, like the motor in a dentist’s office revving up to drive a drill. At the sound, the dog tenses with arousal. Despite its remarkable discipline, it cannot remain still.

“Where’s your cell phone?” Sands asks.

“I threw it overboard.”

“Why?”

“Tim told me to. He said you could track us with it.”

Sands shoots Quinn a brief glance. “What else? What was on the phone? I can get your records.”

“I got a text message I didn’t understand.”

“From who? Timothy?”

She nods quickly. “I think he used a stranger’s phone. He thought that was safer.”

“What did it say? Word for word.”

“It wasn’t words. Not really. It didn’t make sense.”

Sands picks up the bloody bolt on its wire. “It’s very important that you remember, Linda.”

“It was just letters that only half made sense. I thought he meant to send it to someone else.”

“What were they?”

“The first word was Thief with a capital T.” Then www, like for ‘World Wide Web.’”

Quinn takes a small pad from his pocket and begins writing on it.

“What else?” Sands asked.

“‘Kill mommy,’ that was next.”

“Kill mommy?”

“I know, it makes no sense.”

“Was there more?”

“The last said, ‘Squirt too,’ or something like that.”

Sands’s eyes narrow in confusion. “Are you lying to me, Linda?”

“No.”

Sands sighs and nods to Quinn. Quinn steps forward and rips the blouse from her chest, his eyes flashing.

She struggles not to void on the chair. “What do you want to know?”

“Was that a code for something else? Who would Timmy be sending that to?”

“I don’t know! I swear to God!”

“Wire her up,” Quinn says. “Give her a jolt.”

“I might, just,” said Sands, “depending on how she answers the next question.”

Sands nods toward the corner. “Turn the boy over. Show her his face.”

Linda’s gaze follows Quinn as he walks to the wall. He bends and pulls the bare-bottomed man over on his back. She’s afraid the face will be butchered, but it’s not. She recognizes a young Asian man she has seen a few times on the boat. Ben Li. She only knows who he is because of Tim. Li works in the security area, running the computer accounting system. On paper he’s listed as a gaming consultant, but his real job is working some sort of illegal magic on the computers that track the profits. Tim only found this out because Ben is lonely, and he uses drugs to dull the ache. Unlike the other employees, Li isn’t given monthly drug tests. In the past few weeks, Tim has become Ben’s supplier. That somehow played into Tim’s plan. Linda only learned this last week, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to know, but it seemed important to Tim to tell her. It was as though by telling her this-information that could get him killed-Tim was proving how much he loved her, trusted her.

“Do you know who that is?” Sands asks.

“Ben Li.”

“Jaysus,” whispers Quinn. “Fucking Jessup.”

“Do you know what he does?”

“Something with computers, that’s all I know. I only found that out a couple of days ago.”

Quinn savagely kicks the body on the floor. Ben Li doesn’t flinch.

“Is he dead?” Linda asks.

“Not yet,” Sands replies. “Soon.”

Gooseflesh rises on the back of her neck. She tries to shift, but the straps hold her fast to the chair.

“Will you move that bucket?” she asks. “It’s making me sick.”

“Tell me about Penn Cage.”

“What about him?”

“We don’t have time for this,” Quinn snaps. “Juice the cunt and get it over with. Give me five minutes with the lying sleeveen.”

“Please,” she whimpers, searching for something human in the depths of Sands’s eyes. “Please. I’ll tell you whatever you want to know. Tim is dead. What’s the point in hiding anything?”

Sands’s eyes offer her nothing. “Penn Cage.”

“Tim went to school with him. He worshipped the guy. He called him the Eagle Scout. He said Penn was the only man he knew he could trust to do the right thing.”

“And what did he mean by ‘the right thing’?”

“Arrest you, I guess. Tim was going to steal something that could stop what’s been going on. He wouldn’t tell me what, and I didn’t want to know. I tried to talk him out of it, I swear. He was like a little boy. He had no idea what he was up against.”

“Too fucking right,” says Quinn.

“Look, I don’t care what you’re doing. You know that. I worked one of those fights, for God’s sake. Remember? That’s where you first really noticed me. But I didn’t tell a soul what happened there. I never have!”

Sands gives her a chiding smile. “You told Timothy.”

She closes her eyes in surrender.

“How many times did he talk to the mayor?”

“Just once that I know of. Last night.”

“And he was going to meet him tonight?”

“Yes.”

Sands reaches out with the bloody bolt and touches its tip to the hollow of her neck. The cold metal alone seems to shock her. “One more question,” he says, dragging the bolt down and across her chest, stopping at her left nipple. “The most important one.”

“What?”

“Did Tim say anything about making copies of what he stole?”

“No.”

Sands circles her aureole with the head of the bolt. “Not so fast. Think about it, Linda. Tim was smarter than I gave him credit for. And a smart man would know that he might not make it off the boat with a disc. Did he mention hiding a copy anywhere?”

“No. He didn’t tell me anything about a disc. He didn’t want to put me in danger.”

Sands smiles. “But he did, didn’t he?”

Dropping the bolt on the cart, Sands picks up one of the alligator clips. “Hold her head,” he says mildly.

Quinn moves behind the chair and locks his forearm around her neck, cutting off all air.

Sands forces open the clip, then attaches it to her upper lip, just beneath her nose. Quinn gives her neck a hard squeeze, then releases her head. Sands steps back and rubs his stubbled chin, regarding her without emotion.

“Did he ever sneak a notebook computer on board?”

“Not that I know of.”

“He never talked about trying to transmit what he stole while he was on the boat?”

“No. He didn’t tell me anything like that.”

Sands lets his hand fall on a black dial atop the generator.

“Don’t,” she pleads softly. “I’ve told you everything. If I ever meant anything to you, don’t do this.”

“Your word’s not enough. I have to know if you’re holding back. Last chance to come clean.”

She shakes her head. “Didn’t I always do what you wanted? Did I ever say no?”

“No, you didn’t. But you lied, Linda. It’s not that you fucked him, you understand? You’re as human as the next woman. But you tried to help him take me down.”

Her brain is transmitting a speech signal when the current hits her, scrambling every impulse in her body. She flails her head, trying to escape the blowtorch burning her lip, but it follows wherever she goes. The pain arcs up her nose to a point between her eyes, which feel as if they’ll explode if the electricity doesn’t stop.

Then it stops.

“Pissed herself,” Quinn observes. “Should have made her go beforehand.”

Linda is sobbing in the chair, with relief that the pain has ended, with terror of the agony to come. The white dog shivers from the effort of remaining still.

“Tell me the rest,” Sands says patiently. “You don’t want any more of that, do you?”

She shakes her head hopelessly.

“Quinn will put that clip anywhere I tell him, and he’ll run the generator all night long. He’d like nothing better.”

“Nothing,” Quinn says simply. “I think she wants the bolt, mate.”

A sharp ringing startles them all. It’s a telephone, Linda realizes, not a cellular, but a hard line. It must be lying on the floor in the corner. Quinn curses and walks to the corner, then crouches to answer the phone. After speaking softly, he hangs up and says, “They want you up in the cashier’s cage.”

Sands sniffs, then shoots his cuffs and pats the dog’s head. “Take the clip off.”

Quinn blinks in confusion. “What?”

“Get it off.”

While Quinn reluctantly obeys, Sands reaches under the top shelf of the cart and brings out a paper cup.

“Drink this,” he says, offering it to Linda.

“What is it?”

“Just drink it and be thankful.”

“Will it kill me?”

“No. It will make you sleep.”

She sniffs the cup. The clear fluid inside smells like Sprite. “Will it hurt?”

“No. It’s a drug called Versed. It’s like Valium. It’s what they give children before they sew them up in the casualty ward.”

“Casualty ward?”

“Emergency room.”

A faint memory of a kind doctor stitching her knee long ago brings fresh tears to Linda’s eyes. For some reason, she is suddenly sure the doctor was Penn Cage’s father, Tom Cage. With a silent prayer that Penn and his daughter will be all right, she nods to Sands and opens her mouth. The fluid tastes just the way it smells. Sprite, gone half-flat. She coughs as she swallows, but it all goes down. She half believes the drink will kill her, but she’s past caring. She cannot endure the clips or the bolt.

Sands walks forward and gives her a strange smile. “You gave a good ride, I’ll say that. One of the best. Quinn’s been itching to have a go at you from the beginning. Now he’ll get his chance, I guess.”

She shakes her head slowly. “Don’t leave me with him. Please. Give me enough of that stuff to finish it. Please.”

Quinn’s eyes flash behind Sands. “Now where’s the fun in that?

Linda feels herself fading already. The hum of the generator is the brightest thing in the room.

“Where are you taking them?” Sands asks. “The farm or the island?”

“The farm. I’d just as soon stay out there tonight, if you’re okay with it?”

Sands’s voice is tight. “I don’t care what you do with her, if that’s what you’re asking.”

That’s it, right there, Linda thinks. No one had ever really cared what anyone did with her. No one but Tim.

“Cunts like this run off all the time,” Quinn says. “With Jessup dead, no one would even ask what happened to her, if it weren’t for the pictures.”

“The pictures sell the story,” Sands says. “Just make sure no one finds her.”

Quinn laughs, dark and low. “Don’t worry. The lads are starving.”

A black curtain falls over the world.

Linda awakens to a cold wind on her face, a sky filled with stars. A silver moon shines down like a pitiless eye, made hazy by fog. She hears a motor, feels herself pitching like someone trying to lie on a trampoline while someone else jumps on it. She tries to brace herself, but her hands are bound with rope. Worse, they’re numb. On the next bounce, she rolls over and retches on hard, white plastic.

Boat, she realizes. I’m in a boat. A real boat.

She looks up from the white deck. Seamus Quinn sits behind a steering wheel, the wind blowing his curly black hair wildly behind him. He grins down at her, his eyes flickering like silver points of light.

“Wakey wakey,” he says, mocking an Australian accent. “You’ve got company now, Benny lad.”

Linda turns her neck and looks behind her. Ben Li lies hog-tied on the deck behind her, a strip of duct tape over his mouth. His eyes bulge, and in them she reads a desperate plea for help. As if she could do anything. After the first few moments, he stops straining against his bonds and falls back against the deck. Ben Li graduated from a college called Cal Tech, she remembers. His parents are Chinese immigrants. Tim said Cal Tech was better than any school in the South, when it came to computers. Linda wonders if Ben Li ever imagined he would end up hog-tied in a boat in the Mississippi River.

“Where are we going?” she asks.

Quinn laughs. “You know where. To have some fun.”

“Fun for who?”

He laughs harder, then jerks the speedboat’s wheel as though to avoid an obstacle in the water. “Me first. Then the dogs.”

Linda swallows, trying to block her memory of the one night she worked a dogfight for the company. It was like stripping in Vegas after a fight. All the girls hated it. Boxing earned millions because men were drawn to violence like a drug. But dogfights took it to another level entirely…

It was as if ten thousand years of civilization had been stripped away in an hour. Every guy in the place wanted to fuck or fight, and half didn’t care which. If they got you in the VIP room, they wouldn’t take no for an answer, and if they fought, it hardly mattered who won or lost. They just craved the release.

Fighting was the only way some men could have sex with other men. Men like Quinn. Fighting or sharing a woman. That was what they really wanted, and what she’d narrowly escaped the night of the dogfight. She’d only needed one night to know she’d never go back. How many times had the drunks started chanting, “Train! Train! Train!”? She’d finally persuaded Sands to take her to a separate building, and she’d had to service him to get him to do that. But at least she’d escaped what the other girls got. Some had apparently done that kind of thing before, but others hadn’t. Some had been more afraid than she was-

“I’ve been watching you for a long time,” Quinn says. “Strutting up and down like the queen. You’ve been off-limits long enough. Tonight I’m going to find out what’s kept the boss interested for so long.”

Linda shivers and watches the moon grow fainter as the fog on the river thickens. She wishes she knew enough about the stars to know whether she’s moving upstream or down. But even if she did, the heavy mist is quickly whiting out everything around the boat.

“I think you got to him,” Quinn says. “Anybody else, he’d have had that bolt up their arse and the juice full on.”

She shakes her head. “No. It’s not in him.”

Quinn laughs. “Don’t be too sure. If Jessup hadn’t got away, he’d have suffered like a saint.”

Linda looks at Quinn in alarm. “Got away? I thought Tim was dead.”

“That’s what I mean. Falling off that bluff was the best break that header ever caught. If he’d lived, Sands would have made the crucifixion look like a mild digging. You cross the boss, you get special treatment. Like Benny back there.”

Quinn wants me to talk, she realizes. He wants a relationship.

“You ever see anything eaten alive?” he asks, turning the boat slightly to starboard.

Linda doesn’t answer, but one of her cats used to catch chipmunks and torture them for hours before she killed them. Let the pitiful creature run a few feet, feel a taste of freedom, then pounce and rip its belly open with a claw-

“Nothing like it in the world,” Quinn says, marveling at his insight. “That’s why the Romans loved the games. That’s life, right in front of you. Kill or be killed. Eat or be eaten. You’re a predator or you’re prey. And deep down, everybody knows which they are, right from the beginning.”

A huge beam sweeps over the boat, stops, comes back, then arcs away. Linda has an impression of treetops shot with a flashbulb to her right.

“Just like that stupid bastard,” Quinn says, nodding at Ben Li. “Too clever for his own good. He makes more money in a day than his parents earned in ten years, but it wasn’t enough. Had to fuck it up. Look at him. A genius, they say. By noon tomorrow, a pit bull will be shitting out his brains. Next morning, his bones will be gnawed to powder.”

Linda’s stomach rolls. The night of the dogfight, she’d kept away from the pit as much as possible. The noise alone had sickened her, and the brief glimpses she’d been unable to avoid were burned into her memory. Two blood-soaked, muscle-bound animals locked in nearly motionless combat for an hour, one’s massive jaws buried in the chest of the other, each struggling for advantage while two dozen screaming men goaded them to kill.

“And me?” she forces herself to ask.

Quinn purses his lips like a man figuring a price on something. “The day after, maybe. Depends on how interesting you make things. If you didn’t know so fucking much, I’d keep you around for the weekend. Rent you out. Lots of big boys coming in for the next couple of weeks. They like their business mixed with pleasure.”

The boat leaps free of the water, then smashes back down. Soon it’s bouncing like a tractor over farm rows. It’s a wake, Linda realizes. Now the spotlight makes sense. We must be overtaking a tugboat pushing barges.

“I have to go the bathroom,” she says. “Bad.”

“Go in your pants. You already did it once.”

“No, I mean really go. I can’t hold it. I’m sick. You don’t want it in the boat.”

“Christ on a crutch. There’s an ice chest under the seat behind Benny. Go in that.”

Linda works herself up onto her elbows, which is more difficult than she thought with her hands bound, then crawls back to the stern, where Ben Li looks desperately at her through bloodshot eyes. Putting her mouth beside his ear, she says, “I wish I could help you. I’m sorry.”

She smells fear coming off him like body odor. She remembers her thought back on the Queen, that she’d entered a state beyond fear. Then later, in the chair, she’d realized that only the dead are beyond fear. But now, struggling to her feet, using Ben Li as a prop for her bound hands, she isn’t so sure.

For a moment the fog breaks, and she can see the shore, lone treetops whipping past fifty yards to her right. To her left she sees only mist. A hundred yards in front of them, a tugboat churns the river into a maelstrom. Quinn is running fast enough to pull a half dozen water-skiers.

“Can you slow down a little?” she calls.

“Just do your business! Christ.”

Bending carefully at the waist, Linda pulls the edge of the rear seat up with her bound hands. She marvels at the bright white lid of the Igloo. The logo brings tears to her eyes. She remembers picnics and parties from years long past, reaching down with a sweating arm and pulling a wine cooler from the ice-

“I thought you had to go,” Quinn shouts, looking back at her with annoyance. “Take your bloody pants down. Give us a preview, eh?”

Linda glances down at Ben Li. Before, his eyes had been pleading, but now they watch her with a strange fascination, waiting to see if she’ll take down her pants. It is all about power, she knows. Ben Li heard Quinn talking about him and the dogs. He knows he’ll be the first to die, and all he can do is lie there watching, waiting, probably praying for some kind of miracle, or even just a diversion before death.

Around the boat the fog has thickened again, turning the night a deeper shade of black.

Linda straightens up. From deep within her, so deep that she’s forgotten it was there, something begins to rise. The density of it fills her as it expands. It’s love, she realizes. Or whatever you call the thing that huddles in the last dark closet you’ve locked against the world, waiting to find something like itself. Linda has never known why she let herself go so far with Tim. She knew all along that he wouldn’t leave his family. She wouldn’t have asked him to, though she wanted it desperately. But now-standing almost in the river Tim died within sight of-she knows.

She wanted a child.

Over thirty and she’d never even been pregnant. But she was still young enough. And Tim wouldn’t have had to leave Julia to give her that. Tim was the closest thing Linda had ever had to a child of her own, a big little boy who wanted the world to be better than it was. Now he was gone, and with him her hope of a child.

“He loved me,” she says aloud, once, for all the times she’d yearned to say it to the people around her.

This knowledge surges in her breast, filling her so profoundly that a faint radiance shimmers from her skin. She feels like the Madonna in the old Italian painting printed in her grandmother’s Bible. All of this she gives to Ben Li in a single downward glance, one long look that holds a woman’s infinite mercy.

“Do you have to go or not, you crazy cunt?”

Seamus Quinn’s angry voice pierces night and fog, but not the light that shines from Linda Church.

“Yes,” she says. “I have to go.”

With the grace of a bird taking flight, she steps onto the lid of the Igloo and leaps into the river.