The Drowning

18

He and Alice had something in common. They both loved summertime. In his case, it was because he was out of school and free from his tormenters. For Alice, it was because she could go swimming in the sea. She spent every possible minute in the water. Swimming back and forth and tumbling about. All the awkwardness that her body displayed on land instantly disappeared as soon as she slipped into the water. There she could move about unhindered and with ease.

Mother would sit and watch her for hours, clapping her hands at her daughter’s tricks in the water and encouraging her to practise her swimming. She called Alice her mermaid.

But Alice didn’t care much about her mother’s enthusiasm. Instead, she would look towards him and call:

‘Watch this!’ Then she would dive off the rocks, and when she resurfaced, she would smile.

‘Did you see that? Did you see what I did?’ she’d ask eagerly, giving him that hungry look of hers. But he never answered. Just glanced up for a moment from the book he was reading as he sat on a towel that he’d spread out on the flat rocks. He didn’t know what she wanted from him.

Mother used to reply in his stead, after first casting an annoyed and astonished look in his direction. She didn’t understand it. She was the one who gave all her time and love to Alice.

‘I saw it, sweetie! That was wonderful!’ she would shout. But it was as if Alice didn’t hear her mother’s voice. Then she would call to him again:

‘Watch me now! Watch what I can do!’ And she would start swimming the crawl, heading towards the horizon. The movement of her arms was perfectly coordinated and rhythmic.

Mother would stand up, looking nervous. ‘Alice, sweetie, don’t go any farther than that.’ She held up one hand to shade her eyes.

‘She’s swimming too far out. Go get her!’

He tried to be like Alice and pretend that he hadn’t heard. Slowly he turned the page, focusing on the words, the black type on the white paper. Then he felt a burning pain on his scalp. Mother had taken a firm grip on his hair and was pulling as hard as she could. He sprang to his feet, and she let go.

‘Go get your sister. Move that fat arse of yours and make sure she swims back to shore.’

For a moment he remembered her hand holding his that time when they went swimming together – the way she had let go, and he had been dragged under. Ever since that day, he hadn’t liked to swim. There was something terrifying about the water. There were things below the surface that he couldn’t see, and didn’t trust.

Mamma grabbed hold of the roll of fat around his waist and squeezed hard.

‘Go get her. Now. Otherwise I’ll leave you here when we go home.’ The tone of her voice gave him no choice. He knew that she meant it. If he didn’t do as she said, she really would leave him here on this island.

With his heart pounding, he headed for the water. It took all his willpower to make his feet move forward and then jump in. He didn’t dare dive in head first, like Alice; he simply dropped feet first into the blue and the green. He got water in his eyes and had to blink so he could see again. He felt panic coming over him. His breathing was fast and shallow. He squinted. Far away, moving towards the sun, was Alice. Clumsily he started swimming in her direction. He could feel his mother watching, standing on the rocks behind him with her hands on her hips.

He couldn’t swim the crawl. His strokes were uneven and choppy. But he kept moving forward, the whole time aware of the depths beneath him. The sun dazzled his eyes, and he could no longer see Alice. He saw only the white, blinding light that brought tears to his eyes. All he wanted to do was turn around, but he couldn’t. He had to reach Alice and make her go back to Mother. Because Mother loved Alice, and he loved Mother. In spite of everything, he loved her.

Suddenly he felt something around his neck. Something holding on hard, pulling his head underwater. Now panic really set in, and he flailed his arms, trying to escape and get back up to the surface. Then the pressure around his neck was gone as swiftly as it had appeared, and he gasped for breath as he felt the air on his face.

‘It’s just me, stupid.’

Alice was treading water without any effort at all, looking at him with those bright eyes of hers. The dark hair that she’d inherited from Mother gleamed in the sun, and salt water glittered on her lashes.

He saw those eyes again. The eyes staring up at him from under the water. The body was limp and lifeless, not moving, just resting on the bottom of the bathtub. He shook his head, not wanting to see those images.

‘Mother wants you to come back,’ he said, out of breath. He couldn’t tread water as easily as Alice could, and his heavy body was being tugged downward, as if weights were attached to his limbs.

‘Then you’ll have to tow me in,’ said Alice in that special way of hers, as if her tongue couldn’t find the right place in her mouth when she spoke.

‘I can’t do that. Come on, now.’

She laughed and tossed back her wet hair.

‘I’ll only come if you tow me.’

‘But you swim much better than I do. Why should I have to tow you?’ But he knew that he’d lost the argument. He motioned for her to put her arms around his neck again. Now that he knew it was her, he didn’t panic.

He started swimming. It was slow going, but he managed. Alice’s arms felt strong around his neck. She had swum so much all summer that she had visibly developed muscles in her upper arms. She hung on to him, letting him tow her to shore like a little skiff. She rested her cheek against his back.

‘I’m your mermaid,’ she said. ‘Not Mamma’s.’

‘I don’t really know…’ Cia was staring at a spot behind Patrik’s shoulder, and he noticed that the pupils of her eyes were big. He assumed that she’d been given some sort of sedative that was contributing to her distracted air.

‘I know that we keep asking you the same questions over and over. But we need to find the connection between Magnus’s death and what happened today. It’s even more important now that we’ve determined that Magnus really was murdered. It might be something that you haven’t thought about before, some tiny detail that could help us move forward,’ Paula pleaded with her.

Ludvig came sauntering into the kitchen and sat down next to Cia. Presumably he’d been listening from outside the room.

‘We want to help,’ he said, his voice sombre. The look in his eyes made him seem much older than his thirteen years.

‘How are Sanna and the children?’ asked Cia.

‘They had a bad shock, of course,’ said Patrik.

On their drive to Fjällbacka, Patrik and Paula had discussed whether they should tell Cia about what had happened or not. She didn’t need any more bad news at the moment. At the same time, they really did have to tell her, because she’d hear about it soon enough from friends and acquaintances. And maybe these new events would make her recall something she’d forgotten.

‘Who would do such a thing? And to children…’ she said, her voice sounding both compassionate and hollow. The sedative was blunting her emotions, making things less overwhelming. Less painful.

‘We don’t know,’ Patrik told her. His words seemed to echo in the kitchen.

‘And Kenneth…’ She shook her head.

‘That’s why we have to ask you these questions. Someone has targeted Kenneth and Christian and Erik. And most likely Magnus too,’ said Paula.

‘But Magnus never received any letters. Not like the ones the others got.’

‘We know that. But we still think that his death is linked to the threats against the others,’ said Paula.

‘What do Erik and Kenneth say? Don’t they know what it’s about? Or Christian? One of them ought to have some idea,’ said Ludvig. He had put his arm protectively around his mother’s shoulders.

‘You’d think so, yes,’ said Patrik. ‘But they all say that they haven’t a clue.’

‘Then how could I…’ Cia’s voice faded away.

‘Did anything strange ever happen in all the years you were together? Anything that you reacted to? Anything at all?’ asked Patrik.

‘No, there was never anything unusual. I’ve already told you that.’ She took a deep breath. ‘Magnus, Kenneth and Erik have known each other since they were schoolboys. From the very beginning, it was always the three of them who stuck together. I never thought Magnus had much in common with the others, but they probably stayed friends out of force of habit. There aren’t many new people to make friends with here in Fjällbacka.’

‘What was their relationship like?’ Paula leaned forward.

‘What do you mean?’

‘Well, all relationships have a certain dynamic, with each person taking on a different role. So what was their friendship like, before Christian came into the picture?’

Cia paused to think, her expression serious. Then she said:

‘Erik was always the leader. The one who decided. Kenneth was… the lapdog. That sounds mean, but he obeys the slightest command from Erik, and I’ve always pictured him as a little dog, wagging his tail and begging for attention from Erik.’

‘What about Magnus?’ said Patrik.

Cia paused again before answering. ‘I know that he thought Erik could be a real bully, and occasionally he’d tell him that he’d gone too far. Unlike Kenneth, Magnus was able to speak up and make Erik listen.’

‘Did they ever quarrel?’ Patrik went on. He had a strong feeling that the answer lay in the past of these four men, and in their relationship to each other. But it seemed to be buried very deep, and it was proving difficult to bring whatever it was out into the light. The whole thing was driving him crazy.

‘Well, I suppose they argued once in a while, the way people do when they’ve known each other a long time. Erik can get a bit hot-tempered. But Magnus was always so calm. I’ve never seen him flare up or even raise his voice. Not once, in all the years we were together. And Ludvig is just like his father.’ She turned to her son and stroked his cheek. He smiled at her, but he seemed to be thinking about something.

‘I once saw Pappa get upset. With Kenneth.’

‘You did? When?’ said Cia in surprise.

‘Don’t you remember the summer when Pappa bought the video camera, and I was running around filming things all the time?’

‘Oh, yes. Dear God, you were a real pest. You even went into the bathroom and started filming Elin sitting on the toilet. Your life was hanging by a thread when you pulled that stunt.’ Her eyes brightened, and a smile brought some colour to her cheeks.

Ludvig stood up so abruptly that his chair almost toppled over backwards.

‘I’ve got an idea. I want to show you something!’ He was already on his way out of the kitchen. ‘Go in the living room. I’ll be right back.’

They heard him running up the stairs. Patrik and Paula got up to do as he’d asked. After a moment Cia followed suit.

‘Here it is.’ Ludvig had come back downstairs, holding a small cassette in one hand and a video camera in the other.

He got out a cord and attached the camera to the TV. Patrik and Paula watched him in silence. Patrik could feel his pulse starting to quicken.

‘What are you going to show us?’ asked Cia, sitting down on the sofa.

‘You’ll see,’ said Ludvig. He put in the videocassette and pressed the ‘Play’ button. Suddenly Magnus’s face filled the screen. They heard Cia gasp, and Ludvig turned around, looking worried.

‘Are you okay, Mamma? Otherwise you could go wait in the kitchen.’

‘It’s okay,’ she said, but her eyes filled with tears as she stared at the TV.

Magnus was clowning around, making faces and talking to the person holding the camera.

‘I filmed the whole Midsummer Eve party,’ said Ludvig quietly, and Patrik saw that his eyes were tearful too. ‘Watch, here come Erik and Louise,’ he said, pointing.

Erik came through the patio door and waved to Magnus. Louise and Cia hugged, and Louise handed a package to her hostess.

‘I need to fast-forward. It’s further along,’ said Ludvig, pressing a button on the video camera so the film began speeding ahead. They watched dusk fall, and then it got darker.

‘You thought that we’d gone to bed,’ said Ludvig to his mother. ‘But we sneaked out and eavesdropped on what you were saying. You were all drunk and acting silly, and we thought it was hilarious.’

‘Ludvig!’ said Cia, embarrassed.

‘But you were drunk,’ her son repeated. And judging by all the commotion, Ludvig had certainly captured their condition on the video. Loud voices and laughter were heard through the summertime dusk; it sounded as if the party was a good one.

Cia tried to say something, but Ludvig held his finger to his lips.

‘Shh, we’re almost there.’

They all stared at the screen without speaking. The only sound was the noise of the party from the video they were watching. Then two people got up, picked up their plates, and came towards the house.

‘Where were you hiding?’ asked Patrik.

‘In the playroom. It was perfect. I could shoot through the window.’ He put his finger to his lips again. ‘Listen.’

Two voices, separated a bit from the others. Both sounded upset. Patrik gave Ludvig an enquiring glance.

‘Pappa and Kenneth,’ Ludvig explained without taking his eyes off the TV. ‘They slipped away to have a smoke.’

‘I think Pappa had stopped smoking by then,’ said Cia, leaning forward to see better.

‘Sometimes he’d have a cigarette or two, at parties and things like that. Didn’t you ever notice?’ Ludvig paused the tape so their talk wouldn’t interrupt.

‘He did?’ said Cia in dismay. ‘I didn’t know that.’

‘Well, on this occasion at any rate, he and Kenneth went around the corner to have a smoke.’ He pointed the remote control at the screen and started the tape rolling again.

Two voices. It was very hard to distinguish one from the other.

‘Do you ever think about it?’ That was Magnus.

‘What are you talking about?’ said Kenneth, slurring his words.

‘You know what I mean.’ Magnus also sounded very drunk.

‘I don’t want to talk about that.’

‘But we have to talk about it sometime,’ said Magnus. There was something pleading, almost vulnerable in his voice that made the hairs on Patrik’s arms stand on end.

‘Who says we have to? What’s done is done.’

‘But I don’t know how we can live with it. For God’s sake, we have to…’ The rest of the sentence disappeared in an inaudible mumble.

Then Kenneth spoke again. Now he sounded annoyed. But there was something else in his voice. Fear.

‘Pull yourself together, Magnus! It won’t do any good to talk about it. Think of Cia and the children. And Lisbet.’

‘I know, but what the hell should I do? Sometimes I can’t help thinking about it, and then in here it feels like…’ It was too dark to see what he was pointing at.

After that it was impossible to make out any more of the conversation. They lowered their voices, mumbling their words, and then went back to join the others. Ludvig pressed the pause button and froze the image of two shadowy figures, seen from the back.

‘Did your father ever see this?’ asked Patrik.

‘No, I kept it to myself. Usually he was the one in charge of the videocassettes, but I shot this one on the sly, so I hid it in my room. I have a few more in the wardrobe.’

‘And you’ve never seen this before?’ Paula sat down next to Cia, who was staring at the TV, her mouth agape.

‘No,’ she said. ‘No.’

‘Do you know what they were talking about?’ asked Paula, placing her hand on Cia’s.

‘I… no.’ Her eyes were fixed on the dark figures of Magnus and Kenneth. ‘I have no idea.’

Patrik believed her. Whatever it was that Magnus was talking about, he had kept it well hidden from his wife.

‘Kenneth must know,’ said Ludvig. He pressed the stop button, took out the cassette, and placed it back in its holder.

‘I’d like to borrow that,’ said Patrik.

Ludvig hesitated for a moment before he put the cassette in Patrik’s outstretched hand.

‘You won’t wreck it, will you?’

‘I promise that we’ll take good care of it. And you’ll get it back in the same shape it’s in right now.’

‘Are you going to talk to Kenneth about it?’ asked Ludvig, and Patrik nodded.

‘Yes, we are.’

‘Why hasn’t he mentioned anything about this before?’ Cia sounded confused.

‘That’s what we’d like to know too.’ Paula patted her hand again. ‘And we’re going to find out.’

‘Thank you, Ludvig,’ said Patrik, holding up the cassette. ‘This might turn out to be important.’

‘You’re welcome. I just happened to think of it because you asked if they’d ever quarrelled.’ He blushed to the roots of his hair.

‘Shall we go?’ Patrik said to Paula, who stood up. To Ludvig he added in a low voice, ‘Take care of your mother. Call me if you need anything.’ And he pressed his business card into the boy’s hand.

Ludvig stood in the doorway, watching the police officers drive away. Then he closed the door and went inside.

Time passed slowly in the hospital. The TV was on, showing an American soap opera. The nurse had come in and asked Kenneth if he’d like her to change the channel. But when he didn’t answer, she had left.

The loneliness was worse than he’d ever imagined. His grief was so great that the only thing he could manage was to focus on his breathing.

And he knew that she would come. She had waited a long time, and now there was nowhere to run to. But he wasn’t afraid; he welcomed her appearance. It would rescue him from the loneliness and the sorrow that were tearing him apart. He wanted to go to Lisbet so he could explain what had happened. He hoped she would understand that he had been a different person back then, and it was because of her that he had changed. He couldn’t bear the thought that she had died with his sins before her eyes. That weighed on him more than anything else, making each breath an effort.

He heard a knock on the door, and Patrik Hedström, the police officer, came into his field of vision. Behind him was a short, dark-haired female colleague.

‘Hi, Kenneth. How are you feeling?’ The officer had a serious expression on his face. He went to get two chairs and brought them over to the bed.

Kenneth didn’t reply. He just kept looking at the TV. The actors were performing in front of a background of poorly constructed stage sets. Patrik repeated his question, and finally Kenneth turned his head towards his visitors.

‘I’ve felt better.’ What was he supposed to say? How could he describe what it really felt like? How it burned and stung inside of him, how it felt like his heart was about to burst? Any answer would sound like a cliché.

‘Our colleagues have already been here to see you today. You met with Gösta and Martin earlier.’ Kenneth saw Patrik glancing at his bandages, as if trying to imagine what it must have felt like to have hundreds of glass shards piercing his skin.

‘Right,’ said Kenneth listlessly. He hadn’t said anything then, and he wasn’t going to say anything now. He was just going to wait. For her.

‘You told them that you didn’t know who could be behind what happened this morning.’ Patrik looked at him, and Kenneth stubbornly met his gaze.

‘That’s right.’

The police officer cleared his throat. ‘We don’t think you’re telling the truth.’

What had they found out? Suddenly Kenneth panicked. He didn’t want them to know, didn’t want them to find her. She had to finish what she’d begun. That was his only salvation. If he paid the price for what he’d done, he would be able to explain it to Lisbet.

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’ He looked away, but he knew they’d seen the fear in his eyes. Both of the officers had noticed. They took it as a sign of weakness, as an opportunity to get at him. They were mistaken. He had everything to win and nothing to lose by keeping silent. For a moment he thought about Erik and Christian. Above all, Christian. He’d been dragged into this even though he was not to blame. Not like Erik. But he couldn’t take the others into consideration. Lisbet was the only one who mattered.

‘We’ve just paid a visit to Cia. We saw a video that was taken at a Midsummer party at their house.’ Patrik seemed to be expecting a reaction, but Kenneth had no idea what he was talking about. His old life, with parties and friends, now seemed so far away.

‘Magnus was drunk, and the two of you slipped away to have a smoke. It seemed that you wanted to make sure no one could hear you.’

He still didn’t understand what Patrik was getting at. Everything was a hazy blur. Nothing was distinct or clear any more.

‘Magnus’s son, Ludvig, filmed the two of you without your knowledge. Magnus was upset. He wanted to talk to you about something that had happened. You got annoyed with him and said that what was done was done. You told him to think about his family. Do you remember any of this?’

Oh yes, Kenneth did remember. It was still a bit vague, but he recalled how he had felt when he saw the panic in Magnus’s eyes. He could never work out why the topic had come up on that particular evening. Magnus had been aching to talk about it, to make amends. And that had scared him. He had thought about Lisbet, about what she would say, how she would look at him. Finally he’d been able to calm Magnus down – that much he remembered. But from that moment on, he had expected something to happen that would make everything crack wide open. And that’s exactly what had happened, only not in the way he’d imagined. Because even in the worst possible scenarios he had pictured in his mind, Lisbet had still been alive to reproach him. Leaving always a slim chance that he’d be able to explain. Now things were different, and justice would have to be done for him to be able to explain. He couldn’t let the police ruin his chances.

So he shook his head, pretending that he was trying to recall.

‘No, I don’t remember that.’

‘We can arrange for you to watch the tape, if that might jog your memory,’ said Paula.

‘Sure, I can look at it. But I can’t imagine that it was anything important, or I would have remembered. It was probably just drunken rambling. Magnus got like that once in a while when he was drinking. Melodramatic and sentimental. Trivial matters got blown all out of proportion.’

He could see that they didn’t believe him, but it didn’t matter because they couldn’t read his mind. The secret would come out sooner or later – he knew that too. The police wouldn’t give up until they found out everything. But that didn’t have to happen until she came to give him what he deserved.

The officers stayed a little while longer, but it was easy to fend off their questions. He wasn’t about to do their job for them; he had to think of himself and Lisbet. Erik and Christian would have to manage on their own as best they could.

Before leaving, Patrik looked at him kindly and said, ‘We also wanted to tell you that we received the report from Lisbet’s post-mortem. She wasn’t murdered. She died of natural causes.’

Kenneth turned his face away. He knew that they were wrong.

Patrik was on the verge of falling asleep as they headed back to Uddevalla. For a moment his eyes actually fell shut and he drove into the oncoming lane.

‘What are you doing!’ cried Paula, grabbing the wheel to steer the car back where it belonged.

Patrik gave a start and gasped.

‘Bloody hell! I don’t know what’s going on. I’m just so tired.’

Paula looked at him with concern. ‘Okay, let’s head over to your house, and I’ll drop you off there. And tomorrow you need to stay home. You don’t look well.’

‘I can’t do that. I’ve got lots of things to do.’ He blinked his eyes, trying to focus on the road.

‘All right, here’s what we’re going to do right now,’ said Paula firmly. ‘Turn in at the next petrol station and we’ll change places. I’ll drive you home, and then I’ll go to the office and pick up all the materials you need and bring them back to Fjällbacka. I’ll also make sure the videocassette is sent to the lab for analysis. But you have to promise to take it easy. You’ve been working too much, and I’m sure it’s been tough at home too. I know how hard it was for Johanna when she was expecting Leo, and I’m sure you’re having to carry an extra heavy load right now.’

Patrik nodded reluctantly and did as she said. He turned in at the petrol station at the Hogstorp exit and got out of the car. He was simply too worn out to argue. It was actually impossible for him to take a day off, or even a couple of hours, but his body refused to cooperate. If he could just get some rest and have time to go through all the documentation, maybe he’d regain some of the energy he needed to proceed with the investigation.

Patrik leaned his head against the window on the passenger side and had almost dozed off even before Paula pulled out on to the motorway. When he opened his eyes, they were parked in front of his house. Feeling groggy, he climbed out.

‘Go on in and lie down. I’ll be back in an hour. Don’t lock the door, so I can leave the papers for you inside,’ said Paula.

‘Okay. Thanks.’ That was all he could manage to say.

Patrik opened the door and went in.

‘Erica!’

No answer. He had phoned her in the afternoon, but hadn’t been able to get hold of her. Maybe she’d gone over to Anna’s house and had ended up staying a while. For safety’s sake, he decided to leave her a note on the bureau in the front hall, just so she wouldn’t get scared if she came home and heard somebody in the house. Then he walked numbly up the stairs and fell into bed. He was asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. But it was not a deep or restful sleep.

Something was about to change. Louise couldn’t say that she liked her life as it had been over the past few years, but at least it was familiar. With the coldness, the indifference, the exchange of caustic and well-rehearsed remarks.

Now she could feel the ground under her feet starting to shake, and the cracks were getting wider. During their last argument, she saw a sense of finality in Erik’s eyes. His disdain wasn’t new, and it no longer really affected her, but this time something was different. And it scared her more than she’d ever imagined was possible. Because deep in her heart she had always believed that they would continue to dance this dance of death with ever greater elegance.

He had reacted strangely when she mentioned Cecilia. Usually he didn’t care if she talked about his mistresses. He just pretended not to hear her. Why had he become so angry this morning? Was it a sign that Cecilia actually meant something to him?

Louise drained her glass. She was already having a hard time gathering her thoughts. Everything was wrapped in a pleasant woolliness, in the warmth spreading through her limbs. She poured herself more wine, looking out of the window across the ice that embraced the islands, while her hand as if of its own accord raised the glass to her lips.

She had to find out what was going on. Whether the cracks beneath her feet were real or imagined. But one thing she knew for sure. If the dance was about to end, it wouldn’t happen with a quiet pirouette. She was planning to dance with stomping feet and flailing arms until there were only crumbs left of their marriage. She didn’t want him, but that didn’t mean she was planning to let him go.

Maja had not come away without protest when Erica went to pick her up at Anna’s house. She was having too much fun playing with her cousins to want to go home willingly. But after a little negotiating, Erica managed to get her daughter into her outdoor garments and settled in the car. She thought it was a bit odd that she hadn’t heard from Patrik, but she hadn’t taken the time to phone him either. She hadn’t yet worked out how she was going to explain her expedition to Göteborg. But she was going to have to say something, because she needed to hand over the drawings to Patrik at once. Something told her that they were important, and that the police should see them. Above all, they needed to talk to Christian about the pictures. She had to admit that she was actually eager to do that herself, but she knew that she’d already gone too far by making the trip to Göteborg. She couldn’t go behind Patrik’s back again.

As she pulled into the drive in front of their house, she saw in the rear-view mirror that a police car was not far behind. That must be Patrik, she thought. But why wasn’t he driving his own car? She lifted Maja out of the car seat as she cast a glance at the vehicle that drove up and parked nearby. She was surprised to see Paula behind the wheel instead of Patrik.

‘Hi, where’s Patrik?’ asked Erica.

‘He’s in the house,’ said Paula, getting out of the car. ‘He was so tired that I ordered him to go home and get some rest. I know I was overstepping my authority, but he didn’t offer any objections.’ She laughed, but the laugh didn’t chase away the concern in her eyes.

‘Is something wrong?’ asked Erica, suddenly seized by misgiving. As far as she knew, Patrik had never come home early from work like this.

‘No, no. I think he’s just been working too hard lately. He looks a bit run-down. So I managed to convince him that he’s no good to anyone if he doesn’t get some rest.’

‘And he agreed? Just like that?’

‘Well, we compromised. He agreed as long as I drove back to the station and picked up the materials he wants to look at. I was just going to leave them inside the door, but now I can give them to you.’ And she handed a paper sack to Erica.

‘Okay, that sounds more like Patrik,’ said Erica, feeling immediately calmer. If he couldn’t stop working, that meant that his health couldn’t be all that bad.

She thanked Paula and lugged the sack into the front hall. Maja scampered after her. Erica smiled when she saw the note that Patrik had left for her on the bureau. He knew that she would have been scared to death if she hadn’t known he was home and suddenly heard someone moving about upstairs.

Maja began to cry with frustration because she couldn’t get her shoes off. Erica hurried to hush her.

‘Shhh, sweetie. Pappa is asleep upstairs. We don’t want to wake him.’

Maja stared at her, wide-eyed, and put her finger to her lips. ‘Shh,’ she said loudly as she peeked up the stairs. Erica helped her take off her shoes and outdoor clothes. Then Maja ran inside to play with her toys, which were scattered all over the living room floor.

Erica took off her jacket and tugged at her shirt a bit. She was always sweating these days. She had a deep-seated aversion to the smell of sweat, so she changed her shirt two or three times a day. She also applied such a generous amount of deodorant under her arms that Nivea must have experienced a noticeable upswing in sales during her pregnancy.

She cast a glance upstairs. Then she looked at the paper sack that Paula had left. Again she looked upstairs, then at the sack. She was waging an inner battle, even though she honestly knew beforehand that it was a battle doomed to failure. A temptation like this was too much to resist.

An hour later she had gone through all the documents in the sack, but she felt none the wiser. In fact, even more questions had piled up. Among the documents she’d also found notes that Patrik had made: What is the link between the four men? Why did Magnus die first? Why was he upset the morning that he disappeared? Why did he phone to say he’d be late? Why did Christian start getting letters so much earlier than the others? Did Magnus ever receive any letters? If not, why not? Page after page of questions, and it bothered Erica that she didn’t know the answer to a single one of them. And she had questions of her own to add: Why did Christian move without leaving his new address? Who sent the drawings to him? Who was the little figure in the pictures? And above all: Why was Christian so secretive about his past?

Erica made sure that Maja was still busy playing with her toys before she went back to the investigative materials. The only thing left was an unmarked cassette tape. She got up from the sofa to get out her tape recorder. Luckily it was the right kind of tape for the player. She cast a nervous glance up at the ceiling before she pressed the ‘Play’ button, turning down the volume as much as possible and then holding the tape recorder up to her ear.

The tape lasted twenty minutes, and she listened tensely to the whole thing. What she heard didn’t really tell her any new information. But there was one thing that made her suddenly freeze, and she pressed ‘Rewind’ to listen to it again.

After she was done with the tape, she carefully removed the cassette from the player and put it back in its case, which she then placed in the paper sack along with everything else. Having spent several years interviewing people for her books, she was good at catching details and nuances in a conversation. What she had just heard was important. She was sure of that.

She would have to deal with it tomorrow morning. Right now she could hear Patrik moving about upstairs, and with greater speed than she’d been able to muster for several months, she returned the sack to the front hall, went back to the sofa, and tried to look as if she were deeply engrossed in playing with Maja.

Darkness had settled over the house. He hadn’t switched on any lights; it seemed pointless to do so. At the end of the road, lights weren’t necessary.

Christian was sitting semi-nude on the floor, staring at the wall. He had painted over her words. In the basement he’d found a brush and a can of black paint. Three times he had painted the black over the red. Three times he had blotted out her judgement of him. Yet he still thought that he could see the words as clearly as before.

He had paint smeared on his hand and his body. Black as tar. He looked at his right hand. It was sticky, and he wiped it off on his chest, but the black just seemed to spread.

She was waiting for him now. He had known that all along. All he had done was postpone things, fooling himself and almost dragging his sons into the trap. The message was clear. You don’t deserve them.

He saw the child carried in the arms of the woman he had loved. Suddenly he wished that he could have loved Sanna. He had never meant her any harm, yet he had betrayed her. Not with other women, the way Erik frequently did, but in the worst imaginable way. Because he knew that Sanna loved him, and he’d always given her just enough to allow her to live with the hope that someday he might love her – even though that was an impossibility. It was something he was no longer capable of. It had disappeared with the blue dress.

The boys were a different story. They were his flesh and blood and the reason why he had to let her take him. It was the only way to save his sons, and he should have understood that before things went so far. He shouldn’t have told himself that it was all just a bad dream, and that he was safe. That they were safe.

It had been a mistake to come back, to try again. But it had seemed like such an irresistible temptation to return here and be so close. He didn’t really understand it himself, but he’d felt an urge to return from the moment the opportunity presented itself. And he had thought that there might be a second chance for him. A second chance to have a family, as long as he kept them at a distance and chose a wife who meant very little to him. But he was wrong.

The words on the wall told the truth. He loved the boys, but he didn’t deserve them. He hadn’t deserved the other child either, or the woman whose lips tasted of strawberries. And they had paid the price. This time he would see to it that he was the one who paid.

Christian slowly stood up and looked around the room. A ragged-looking teddy bear sat in one corner. It had been a present to Nils when he was born, and he had loved it so hard that by now it had lost almost all its fur. Melker’s action figures were carefully lined up in a box. He took such good care of them, and his fist would immediately appear if his little brother touched them. Christian could feel himself waver as doubts began to build, and he realized that he needed to leave. He had to meet her before he lost his nerve.

He went into the bedroom to put on some clothes. It didn’t matter what he chose; that was no longer import ant. Then he went downstairs, grabbed his jacket from the hanger, and took one last look around the house. Dark and silent. He didn’t bother to lock the door behind him.

During the short walk he kept his eyes fixed on the ground, not wanting to look at anyone, not wanting to talk. He needed to concentrate on what he was about to do and the person he was about to meet. The palms of his hands had started itching again, but this time he had no trouble ignoring the sensation. His brain felt as if it had switched off all communication with his body, which was now superfluous. The only thing of importance was what was inside his head, the images and memories. He was no longer living in the present. He saw only what had once been, like a film slowly playing as the snow squeaked under his feet.

The wind had started to gust as he walked across the dock towards Badholmen. He knew that he was cold because his body was shivering, but he didn’t feel the chill. The place was deserted. It was dark and quiet, with not a person in sight. But he could feel her presence, just as he always had. His guilt had to be settled here. It was the only possible place. From the top of the diving tower he had seen her in the water, seen her stretch out her hands towards him. Now he would go to her.

When he passed the wooden buildings that marked the entrance to the swimming area, the film inside his head began speeding up. The onslaught of images felt like a knife slicing into his gut – so strong and sharp was the pain. He forced himself to look past it, to look forward.

He set one foot on the first step of the tower, and the wood gave under his shoe. Now he was breathing easier; there was no going back. He looked up as he climbed. The snow made the steps slippery, and he held on to the railing as he fixed his gaze on the top, which loomed against the black of the sky. No stars. He didn’t deserve stars. Halfway up he knew that she was behind him. He didn’t turn around to look back, but he heard her footsteps following his. The same rhythm, the same resilient step. She was here now.

When he reached the platform at the top, he stuck his hand in his pocket and took out the rope that he’d brought from home. The rope that would bear the weight and pay for the blame. She waited on the stairs as he arranged everything. Tying and knotting the rope, fastening it to the railing. For a moment he felt uncertain. The tower was rickety and old and seemed terribly weather-beaten. What if it didn’t hold? But her presence reassured him. She wouldn’t allow him to fail. Not after she had waited so long, nourishing her hatred for so many years.

When he was done, he stood with his back to the stairs and his eyes fixed on the outline of Fjällbacka across the water. Not until he heard her step right behind him did he turn around.

There was no joy in her eyes. Only the knowledge that he finally, after all that had happened, was prepared to atone for his crime. She was just as beautiful as he remembered her. Her hair was wet, and he was surprised that it wasn’t frosty from the cold. But nothing about her was as expected. Nothing about a mermaid could ever be as expected.

The last thing he saw before he stepped out towards the sea was a blue dress fluttering in the summer wind.

‘How are you feeling?’ asked Erica when Patrik came downstairs, his hair tousled from sleep.

‘Just a little tired, that’s all,’ said Patrik, but his face was pale.

‘Are you sure? You don’t look well.’

‘Thanks a lot. Paula said the same thing. I wish you girls would stop telling me how awful I look. It’s starting to get to me.’ He smiled, but he still didn’t look like he was fully awake. He bent down to pick up Maja, who came running towards him.

‘Hi, sweetie. You think Pappa looks good, don’t you? Isn’t Pappa the most handsome guy in the world?’ He tickled her tummy, making her giggle.

‘Hmm,’ she said, nodding sagely.

‘Thank goodness. Finally somebody with good taste.’ He turned to Erica and kissed her on the mouth. Maja grabbed his face and pursed her lips, as a sign that she wanted a kiss too.

‘Sit down and snuggle with her while I make us some tea and sandwiches,’ said Erica, heading for the kitchen. ‘By the way, Paula left some things in a sack for you,’ she called, trying to sound as casual as possible. ‘It’s in the front hall.’

‘Thanks!’ Patrik called in reply, and then she heard him get up and come into the kitchen.

‘Do you have to work tonight?’ she asked, looking at him out of the corner of her eye as she poured boiling water into two mugs with teabags.

‘No, I think I’ll take it easy tonight and spend some time with my sweet wife, then go to bed early. I’m staying home tomorrow morning to go through the whole case in peace and quiet. Sometimes it’s a real circus down at the station.’

He sighed and came over to stand behind Erica, putting his arms around her.

‘I can’t even get my arms all the way around you any more,’ he murmured, burrowing his face into the back of her neck.

‘I know. I feel like I’m about to burst.’

‘Are you worried?’

‘I’d be lying if I said no.’

‘We’ll help each other,’ he said, hugging her even harder.

‘I know. And Anna says the same thing. I think it’ll go better this time around, since I know what to expect. But there will be two of them.’

‘Twice the joy,’ said Patrik, smiling.

‘Twice the work,’ said Erica, turning around so she could hug him from the front. Which wasn’t exactly easy at this point.

Erica closed her eyes and pressed her cheek against Patrik’s. She’d been wondering when would be the best time to tell him about her trip to Göteborg, and she’d decided it had to be tonight. But Patrik looked so tired, and since he was planning to work at home tomorrow morning, she could wait until then. Besides, then she’d be able to do what she had in mind after listening to the cassette tape. So it was decided. If she managed to find out anything important for the investigation, Patrik was bound to be less upset that she’d interfered.