The Fan

22

“ Coming up on the All-Star break now, Bernie.”

“Sure was fast, Norm.”

“Faster for some than for others.”

“Slow going for the old town team, is that what you’re trying to say?”

“You got it.”

“Good a time as any then, Norm-what’s your midseason assessment?”

“In two words, Bernie? De pressing. They’re dead last and going nowhere.”

“What the heck happened, Norm?”

“More what didn’t happen.”

“Like?”

“Like Rayburn, Bernie. It starts and maybe ends right there. Wasn’t Rayburn supposed to be the missing piece of the puzzle, the big bat in the middle of the lineup that was going to put them over the top?”

“Don’t look at me, Norm. Who warned everybody he wasn’t the Messiah? Taking nothing away from his great career, of course, but he’s been stuck in this woeful slump so long now, it’s maybe getting to be time we asked ourselves if slump is still the right word.”

“The implication being?”

“Just that all good things got to end. All things must pass, right? George Harrison.”

“Not my favorite Beatle.”

“Who was?”

“Ringo.”

“Me too. Where were we, Norm?”

“Bobby Rayburn.”

“Right. He’s no kid anymore, is he? Lose a little off your bat speed, it gets around the league pretty quick.”

“Trade rumors are already percolating.”

“So I hear, from reliable sources. But it may already be too late for them to get anything for him. It’s like the stock market-by the time John Q. Public gets wind of something, the insiders have already discounted it.”

“Except they don’t spit tobacco juice on Wall Street, Bernie.”

“Might be an improvement if they did. Let’s go to the phones. Who’s out there? Gil? Gil on line three. Go ahead, Gil.”

Dead air.

“Gil?”

Dead air.

“Looks like we lost Gil. Let’s go to-”

“Hello?”

“That you, Gil?”

“Am I on?”

“You’re on, Gil. What’s up?”

“Trade rumors?”

“Say what?”

“There are trade rumors about Rayburn?”

“Just speculation at this point, Gil.”

“What kind of rumors?”

“The usual kind-unconfirmed. What’s your point?”

“You said reliable sources.”

“I may have.”

“Like who?”

“Like people close to some of the principals. I can’t get more specific than that, Gil, without violating a confidence. I’m sure you understand.”

“Bernie here, Gil. I take it from your tone you don’t think trading Rayburn would be such a good idea.”

Dead air.

“Gil? You still there?”

“It would be a disaster.”

“Isn’t that putting it a little strong, Gil?”

“Not strong enough. Not nearly. Bobby Rayburn’s the best thing to happen to this team in years, and all they’ve done is screwed him up and down.”

“Who’s they?”

“Everybody. Look how they mishandled the rib thing. And they didn’t exactly welcome him to the team, make him feel at home, did they?”

“That’s a new one on me. You hear anything like that, Norm, not welcoming him to the team?”

“Never. Can you give us an example maybe, Gil?”

“I could.”

“Well?”

Dead air.

“Gil? You still there?”

“I’m still here. But what’s the use?”

“What’s the use of what? I don’t get you, Gil.”

“Just get this, Bernie. I’m sick and tired of you taking shots at him all the time. When’s it going to stop?”

“Right now. Let’s go to Chuckie in Malden. What’s shakin’?”

Jewel Stern walked into the control room, pressed the talk-back button when Norm went to commercial. “What was that guy’s name?”

Bernie, sitting opposite Norm in the studio, pressed his button. “Gil.”

“A regular, would you say?” said Norm, emptying packets of sugar into his coffee.

“Not quite,” Bernie said.

“Gil who?” said Jewel.

“No last names here,” said Norm. “You know that.”

“Just like in porn movies,” Bernie added.

Fred, at the controls, raised his hand. “Coming to you in three, two, one.” He stabbed his index finger at the glass.

“That’s a pretty thought,” said Jewel. “Think I’ll take a shower.”

And Norm and Bernie were both laughing as they came out of commercial.

“We’re back.”

“Ain’t sports a gas?”

“Wee-ooo. Let’s get right to the phones.”

Gil saw he was doing eighty-five, eased off the pedal. Assholes, Bernie and Norm, but they were right about one thing: the team was going nowhere. Driving south, remembering from time to time to ease off the pedal, Gil listened to fans from all over the region searching for the reason why, listened to Norm and Bernie, the supposed experts, searching for the reason why. None of them had a clue.

Only he knew.

Ninety. He eased off.

Only he knew. Gil had a thought, so powerful, so exciting that he broke into a sweat. It dampened his shirt, trickled down the undersides of his arms, moistened the leather-covered steering wheel beneath the palms of his hands. He was in a position, a unique position, to help the team. To actually help the team: to help them win games, to turn the season around, go all the way: almost like a real player. They needed him. Gil began to shake. He shook; it was no figure of speech. He had never before physically felt the force of an idea, felt it taking hold of his body like this. In his mind, a short and logical chain of events uncoiled into the near future.

On the South Shore, a block or two from the school where the Little League tryouts had been held, Gil found the ball field. A low chain-link fence ran parallel to the street, down the right-field line. He parked, got out, leaned on the fence rail.

An orange-shirted team was playing a green-shirted team, orange shirts at bat. Gil checked the electric scoreboard in center field: HOME 15, VISITORS 17, bottom of the fifth. Three and one on the batter, two outs. Gil looked down toward the infield, not far away. Runners on first and third, one of them with a long ponytail dangling from under an oversized batting helmet. A girl, he realized, but not immediately.

The pitcher wound up, threw. The ball arced slowly toward the plate. The batter, a fat boy with a stiff-legged stance, swung at it, even more slowly. He wasn’t even looking at the ball but hit it anyway, or it hit the bat, making a dull metallic twang: a soft fly to right.

Directly to the right fielder, standing about ten yards from Gil. He didn’t have to move a step. But for some reason he did move, in fact charged in wildly, as though the ball were going to fall in front of him and a diving catch was called for. At the last second he recognized his mistake and leaped, stabbing his gloved hand as high as he could. He missed the ball by an inch or so; it went over his head, landed behind him, bounced a few times, and rolled the rest of the way to the outfield fence.

The right fielder made a little moaning sound and chased after it. He picked it up at the base of the wall, turned, and threw. The shortstop, a tiny kid who ran well, knew enough to come out to take the cutoff, waving his sticklike arms. But the right fielder’s throw, a feeble, sidearmed effort, went nowhere near him. All the runners, even the fat boy, scored. HOME 18, VISITORS 17. The orange players jumped up and down.

The green center fielder, who hadn’t backed up the play, hadn’t even budged the whole time, glared through his thick glasses at the right fielder. “You geek, Richie,” he yelled. “You just lost us the game.”

The right fielder hung his head.

Richie.

The first thing Gil wanted to do was hop over the fence and smack the center fielder’s face. The second was smack Richie’s.

Gil did neither. He stood by the chain-link fence, gazing at Richie, thinking of what he should say.

“That’s okay, Richie, everybody boots one from time to time.” But boot them like that? And then throw like that?

Or: “Get your head up-they’re still playing.”

Or: “Don’t snivel, you little bastard.”

Before he could say anything, the next batter hit a little pop-up that the pitcher-another girl, Gil saw-caught easily, and the inning was over. The green team ran in. Furiously wiping his eyes with the back of his hand, Richie ran in too.

Gil hopped the fence. In foul ground, he walked toward the infield. The grass was soft and springy under his feet. Memories that he didn’t have time for arose instantly in the back of his mind, waiting for his attention. The orange team took the field, began throwing balls around. If only one got loose and rolled to him, he’d show them what throwing was about. He pictured himself flinging a bullet over the center-field fence, over the church across the street, over the trees behind it, gone. But no balls got loose and rolled to him.

There was a small set of bleachers along each baseline; three or four rows of benches, perhaps a dozen spectators in all. Gil sat in the bottom row on the first-base side, as close to the plate as he could get.

The umpire was a white-haired man who might have played third base long ago: bandy legs, Popeye forearms, leather skin. “Top of the sixth,” he said, pulling on his mask. “Last ups.”

The pitcher led off for the green team. She had a relaxed stance and a smooth, compact swing. She lined the first pitch up the middle for a clean single, and took second when the center fielder hesitated, sliding in under the throw. A man on the bench above Gil’s said, “All right, Crystal.”

“Ain’t over yet,” said another man. “Anything can happen, especially in the minors.”

“We just moved here,” said the first man. “Too late for the draft. Or Crystal would have been in the majors.”

The second man said nothing.

The first man spoke again: “According to that Pellegrini guy.”

The second man said nothing.

“He was real upset about it,” the first man said. “Called me personally.”

The second man remained silent. The first man gave up.

The next batter was the tiny shortstop. He walked on four pitches.

Gil turned to the second man. “Where are we in the order?”

The first man answered for him. “My daughter Crystal bats cleanup.”

The number-six hitter nubbed one down to first. The first baseman picked it up and stepped on the bag. The tiny kid and Crystal scooted over to second and third. One out, tying and go-ahead runners in scoring position.

The number-seven hitter surprised everyone by laying a bunt down the first-baseline. But as he ran out of the box, the ball bounced up and hit him in the thigh. The umpire called him out.

“What the hell is that?” said Crystal’s father.

“The rule,” replied Gil without turning.

Two out. The number-eight hitter stepped up-the center fielder with the thick glasses-and Richie came out of the third-base dugout and into the on-deck circle. At almost the same moment, the gate in the fence on that side opened, and Ellen and Tim walked in.

The first pitch was on its way. “Come on, Brendan,” called the second man. Brendan took a cut, but after the ball was already in the catcher’s mitt.

“Jesus,” said Crystal’s father, not quite under his breath.

“Come on, Brendan,” called Brendan’s father, louder this time.

Brendan watched the second pitch all the way, bat at rest on his shoulder.

“Strike two,” said the ump.

“Game over,” said Crystal’s father, making even less attempt this time to keep his voice down.

On the other side, Ellen had caught Richie’s eye and was waving to him, a big smile on her face. Richie didn’t wave back. Good boy, Gil thought. At that moment she saw Gil. Her eyes widened. She turned quickly to Tim.

The pitcher wound up, lobbed it in. Very slow, a little inside. Again, Brendan didn’t move. The ball glanced off his forearm. He screamed and fell down, writhing. After five or ten seconds, he realized he wasn’t hurt and took his free pass to first.

Two outs, bases loaded, game on the line. Richie stepped in.

Gil was on his feet now, but silent. Behind him Crystal’s father said, “Maybe he’ll get hit too. It’s our only chance.”

Richie took a few practice cuts. Horrible ones. Gil heard Ellen calling, “You can do it, Richie.” Gil shot a glance at the third-base side. Tim had disappeared.

The first pitch: a meatball, right down the middle. For a moment, Gil thought that Richie was going to let it go by; nothing wrong with that, taking the first pitch in a situation like this. But at the last moment, Richie swung, and missed by a foot.

Crystal’s father said, “Christ almighty.”

The second pitch was over Richie’s head. He swung at that too, coming a little closer this time.

“Strike two,” said the ump.

Behind him, Gil heard the two fathers gathering their things. He checked the third-base side. Ellen was watching him. Their eyes met. There was an expression in hers he had never seen before: a negative expression, but not her hostile one, with which he was familiar. This was fear. The sight pleased him. She looked away.

The next pitch bounced two feet in front of the plate. Richie started to swing, then held back. From the other side, a voice called, “He went, ump.”

“Ball one,” said the ump.

The pitcher bounced another one in the same place. Richie didn’t even twitch this time.

“Ball two,” said the ump.

“Time,” called the orange coach, stepping onto the field. The pitcher walked off the mound, met him at the third-baseline. The coach knelt down and said something. The pitcher replied, a long reply, accompanied by finger-pointing at several of his own players. The coach cut him off, raising his voice a little, loud enough for Gil to hear, or think he heard: “Just get the damned thing over. No way he’s going to hit it.”

“Play ball,” said the ump.

The pitcher returned to the mound. Richie took another horrible practice swing. Then the pitch, way inside. Richie went down.

“That hit him, didn’t it?” said Crystal’s father.

“Sure looked like it,” said Brendan’s father.

But Gil knew it hadn’t. If it had, Richie would be crying. The ump raised both fists. Full count.

“What the hell’s wrong with you, ump?” yelled Crystal’s father.

Richie got up, straightened his batting helmet, took his wretched stance. Both teams were on their feet now, screaming this and that. Gil heard Ellen above the din: “You can do it, Richie. You can do it.”

He thought: Be a hero, boy. He saw himself up there, powerful, coiled, murderous: driving one over that fence, over that church, over those trees. Grand slam. Be a hero, boy.

The pitch. Aimed, not thrown: the fattest one yet, somewhat inside. But not as far inside as the one before. Richie went down again. The ump punched the air with his right fist. “Strike three.”

The orange team mobbed their pitcher.

Richie lay in the dirt.

Crystal’s father said, “What did I tell you? What did I fucking tell you?”

Gil wheeled around and smashed him in the face.

He took a swing at Brendan’s father’s face too, but he was farther away, and the blow struck his shoulder.

“What the hell?” said Brendan’s father.

“No one calls my boy a geek,” Gil said.

“But I didn’t call him anything, you-”

Brendan’s father, getting his first good look at Gil, fell silent.

Gil vaulted the fence. How quickly he was moving now, like a giant on a puny planet! In no time, he was at home plate. The ump was bent over Richie, talking quietly. Gil grabbed him from behind, straightened him up, twisted him around, whipped off his mask, and hurled it over the stands.

In a giant’s voice, he said: “That was a ball, you cheating prick.”

“Get the hell away from me,” the ump said, and gave Gil a push.

A mistake. The ump was strong, but not as big as Gil, and much older. With a giant’s roar, Gil charged into him, drove him all the way to the backstop. The ump lost his breath in one barking grunt, and slid down.

Then Gil had Richie in his arms, and was striding down the right-field line, toward his car. He was aware of orange and green, of people shouting, and running around, and staring; aware, but barely.

Richie looked up at him. He had Ellen’s eyes, and Ellen’s new expression in them: fear.

“Please,” he said.

“Please, Dad,” Gil corrected.

Richie bit his lip.

“Please, Dad,” Gil repeated.

Richie started to cry.

“Haven’t you been wimpy enough for one day?” Gil asked. “Say please, Dad. ” Richie cried, but he wouldn’t say it.

Then someone jumped on Gil’s back. Someone light: Ellen, of course. Gil tried to shake her off, but she wouldn’t shake off, clung desperately. He held onto Richie with one hand, grabbed at Ellen with the other. Richie wriggled free, fell to the ground.

“Run, Richie,” Ellen cried.

Richie ran.

Gil turned to go after him. At that moment, he heard a siren in the distance. He let go of Ellen.

“Why did you do it to me, Ellen?”

“Because you’re out of control.”

“I don’t mean the cops. I mean taking Richie away.”

“That’s what I meant too,” Ellen said. “And I didn’t do it. You did it to yourself.”

Gil didn’t hit her. What was the point? He’d known for a long time that she didn’t understand him. “You’re so small, ” he said. “All of you.” Then he hopped the fence, jumped into the 325i, drove away.

After a few blocks, he passed a squad car, siren blaring, blue lights flashing, going the other way. Behind the squad car came Tim in the minivan. He saw Gil and started honking frantically. But the cops must have thought he was merely getting into the spirit of the chase; they kept going. Gil laughed.

Just after dawn the next morning, Gil knocked on door 3A of a suburban condo. He kept knocking for a minute or so; then the door opened and Figgy, wrapped in a towel, sleep in his eyes, peered out.

“Gil?”

“Right, old colleague. May I come in?”

“Gee, it’s pretty early, Gil, and-”

But he was already in.

Gil looked Figgy over. “I didn’t know Bridgid could cook.”

“I’m sorry?”

“Spare tire’s inflating, Figster.”

Figgy pulled the towel higher. “You’ve come for the fifty bucks, is that it, Gil?”

Gil laughed. “What’s fifty bucks between old colleagues? Didn’t I already tell you that? What I’ve got in mind is a proposition of a different kind. One I think you’ll like, Figster, especially if you’re still stoked on the 325i.”

“You want to sell the car?”

“Bingo.”

Figgy licked his lips. “How much?”

“Five Gs. This is a one time offer. The book is ten-six.”

“I haven’t got five Gs.”

Gil moved past him, toward the rear of the apartment.

“Where are you going?”

“Bridgid’s got five Gs. She’s a regular little squirrel with money, everyone knows that.”

Gil went into the bedroom, Figgy hurriedly following. A shaft of sunshine poked through the slightly parted curtains, fell across the bed, spotlighting Bridgid, asleep under a sheet that covered her to the waist.

“Hey,” said Gil. “I never knew Bridgid had such nice tits.”

Her eyes snapped open. “Oh, my God,” she said, tugging at the sheet.

“It’s all right, Bridg,” said Figgy, coming into the room. “Gil wants to sell the car, that’s all.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“His car. The 325i. He’s giving us a deal. Five Gs. The book is ten-six.”

Gil sat on the bed. He smiled at Bridgid. “One time offer,” he said.

Bridgid opened her mouth, closed it, opened it again. “But we’ve already got two cars.”

“Mine’s a piece of shit, Bridg,” said Figgy. “You know that.”

She looked at Gil, at Figgy, at Gil.

Gil smiled at her again. “Strictly business, Bridg, old girl. No personalities.”

She nodded, glanced again at Figgy, got no help from him, and said: “I’m sure we appreciate the offer, Gil. We’ll have to think it over seriously, of course, think it over and let you know.”

“That’s right,” said Figgy. “Think it over and let you know.”

Gil kept the smile on his face, but it was work. “A onetime offer means a limited-time offer. I thought that was understood.”

“Let’s be businesslike,” Bridgid said. “I don’t see how you can expect-”

Gil grabbed the sheet and yanked it off her. Her body trembled. That made it all the more attractive. “You’re a lucky man, Figgy,” Gil said.

Figgy stiffened, as though he was about to do something; but that was it.

Gil took in the sight for as long as he wanted. Then he rose. “Let’s get going.”

They drove to Bridgid’s bank in the 325i-Figgy at the wheel, Bridgid in front, Gil in back. “Rides like a dream, doesn’t it?” Gil said. The pissy smell was almost undetectable.

With five grand in cash and his knapsack of knives, Gil took a cab to the airport. He unstrapped the thrower and put it in the knapsack as well. Inside the terminal, he paid cash for a ticket, checked the knapsack, passed through security, and boarded the plane. He took a coach seat, a tight squeeze for a man his size, and he didn’t like flying to begin with, but there was no choice. His team was playing on the coast. They needed him.