The Girl Nothing Happens To

I VIDEOPHONE A NUMBER AT RANDOM

Alice is not asleep. Ten o’clock, and she is not asleep. So then I said: ” Alice , go to sleep at once, or else…”

“What’s ‘or else’, Daddy?”

“Or else I’ll call Baba-Yaga[1] on the videophone.”

“And who’s Baba-Yaga?”

“Why, all children ought to know that! Baba-Yaga, pegleg hag-o, is a terribly wicked old woman who eats up little children. Disobedient ones.”

“Why?”

“Well, because she’s wicked and hungry.”

“And why is she hungry?”

“Because her hut is not equipped with a food supply pipe.”

“Why not?”

“Because her hut is an old rack-and-ruin, far away in the forest.”

Alice became so interested, she even sat up in bed.

“Does she work in a forest reserve?”

“ Alice , go to sleep at once.”

“But, Daddy, you promised to call Baba-Yaga. Please, Daddy dear, call Baba-Yaga.”

“I’ll call her. But you’ll be very sorry I did.”

I went to the videophone and pressed a few buttons at random. I was sure no connection would be made, and Baba-Yaga would be ‘not at home’.

But I was mistaken. The videophone screen lit up, shone brightly, and a click sounded — somebody had pushed the receiving button at the end of the line and, before his image appeared on the screen, a sleepy voice spoke: “This is the Martian Embassy.”

“D’you suppose she’ll come, Daddy?” cried Alice from the bedroom.

“She’s already gone to sleep,” I snapped angrily-

“This is the Martian Embassy,” the voice repeated.

I turned back to the videophone. A young Martian was looking at me. He had green eyes with no eyelashes.

“Excuse me,” I said. “Apparently, I pushed the wrong number.”

The Martian smiled. He was not looking at me, but at something behind my back. Why, of course. Alice had got out of bed and stood behind me, bare-foot.

“Good evening,” she said to the Martian.

“Good evening, little girl.”

“Does Baba-Yaga live in your house?”

“You see,” I said. ” Alice wouldn’t go to sleep, and I wanted to videophone Baba-Yaga to punish her. But I got the wrong number.”

The Martian smiled again.

“Good night, Alice ,” he said. “You’d better go to sleep, or else your Dad will call Baba-Yaga.”

The Martian said good-bye and switched off.

“Well. Now will you go to sleep?” I asked. “You heard what the man from Mars told you?”

“I’m going. And will you take me to Mars?”

“If you behave yourself, we’ll fly there next summer.”

Finally Alice fell asleep, and I sat down again to work. I worked till one in the morning. And at one o’clock, the videophone suddenly gave a muffled whirr. I pushed the button. It was the Martian from the embassy.

“I beg your pardon for disturbing you so late,” he said. “But your videophone wasn’t turned off, and I decided you weren’t asleep yet.”

“That’s quite all right.”

“Would you mind helping us out?” said the Martian. “The whole embassy cannot sleep. We’ve gone through all the encyclopaedias, searched the videophone directory, but we can’t find out who Baba-Yaga is or where she lives…”