The Golden Lily

CHAPTER 2

I DIDN’T SLEEP THAT NIGHT. Part of it was simply the time change. My flight back to Palm Springs was scheduled for six in the morning-which was three in the morning in the time zone my body still thought it was in. Sleeping seemed pointless.

And, of course, there was the teeny-tiny fact that it was kind of hard to relax after everything I’d witnessed over at the Alchemist bunker. If I wasn’t envisioning Liam’s freaky eyes, then I was replaying the constant warnings I’d heard about those who got too close to vampires.

It didn’t help the situation that I had an inbox full of messages from the gang in Palm Springs. Normally, I checked my e-mail automatically on my phone when I was out and about. Now, in my hotel room, staring at the various messages, I found myself filled with doubt. Were these truly professional? Were they too friendly? Did they blur the lines of Alchemist protocol? After seeing what had happened to Keith, it was more obvious than ever that it didn’t take much to get in trouble with my organization.

One message was from Jill, with a subject line reading: Angeline… sigh. This wasn’t a surprise to me, and I didn’t bother reading it yet. Angeline Dawes, a dhampir recruited to be Jill’s roommate and provide an extra layer of security, had had a little trouble fitting into Amberwood. She was always in trouble for something, and I knew whatever it was this time, there was nothing I could do about it right now.

Another message was from Angeline herself. I also didn’t read it. The subject was: READ THIS! SO FUNNY! Angeline had only recently discovered e-mail. She had not, so it seemed, discovered how to turn off the caps-lock key. She also had no discrimination when it came to forwarding jokes, financial scams, or virus warnings. And speaking of that last one… we’d had to finally install child protection software on her laptop, in order to block her from certain websites and ads. That had come after she’d accidentally downloaded four viruses.

It was the last e-mail in my inbox that gave me pause. It was from Adrian Ivashkov, the only person in our group who wasn’t posing as a student at Amberwood Preparatory School. Adrian was a twenty-one-year-old Moroi, so it would have been kind of a stretch passing him off in high school. Adrian was along because he and Jill had a psychic bond that had been inadvertently created when he’d used his magic to save her life. All Moroi wielded some type of elemental magic, and his was spirit-a mysterious element tied to the mind and healing. The bond allowed Jill to see Adrian’s thoughts and emotions, which was troubling to both of them. His staying near her helped them work out some of the bond’s kinks. Also, Adrian had nothing better to do.

His message’s subject was: SEND HELP IMMEDIATELY. Unlike Angeline, Adrian knew the rules of capitalization and was simply going for dramatic effect. I also knew that if I had any doubts about which of my messages related to my job, this was hands-down the most nonprofessional one in the set. Adrian wasn’t my responsibility. Yet, I clicked the message anyway.

Day 24. Situation is growing worse. My captors continue to find new and horrific ways to torture me. When not working, Agent Scarlet spends her days examining fabric swatches for bridesmaid dresses and going on about how in love she is. This usually causes Agent Boring Borscht to regale us with stories of Russian weddings that are even more boring than his usual ones. My attempts at escape have been thwarted thus far. Also, I am out of cigarettes. Any assistance or tobacco products you can send will be greatly appreciated.

– Prisoner 24601

I began smiling in spite of myself. Adrian sent me some kind of message like this nearly every day. This summer, we had learned that those who were forcibly turned Strigoi could be turned back with the use of spirit. It was still a tricky, complicated process… made more so by the fact that there were so few spirit users. Even more recent events had suggested that those restored from being Strigoi could never be turned again. That had electrified Alchemists and Moroi alike. If there was some magical way to prevent Strigoi conversion, freaks like Liam would no longer be a problem.

That was where Sonya Karp and Dimitri Belikov came in-or, as Adrian called them in his angst-filled letters, “Agent Scarlet” and “Agent Boring Borscht.” Sonya was a Moroi; Dimitri was a dhampir. Both had once been Strigoi and had been saved by spirit magic. The two of them had come to Palm Springs last month to work with Adrian in a sort of think tank to figure out what might protect against Strigoi turning. It was an extremely important task, one that could have huge ramifications if successful. Sonya and Dimitri were some of the hardest working people I knew-which didn’t always mesh with Adrian’s style.

A lot of their work involved slow, painstaking experiments-many involving Eddie Castile, a dhampir who was also undercover at Amberwood. He was serving as the control subject since, unlike Dimitri, Eddie was a dhampir untouched by spirit or a Strigoi history. There wasn’t much I could do to help Adrian with his frustration over his research group-and he knew it. He just liked playing up the drama and venting to me. Mindful of what was essential and nonessential in the Alchemist world, I was on the verge of deleting the message, but…

One thing made me hesitate. Adrian had signed his e-mail with a reference to Victor Hugo’s Les Misérables. It was a book about the French Revolution that was so thick, it could easily double as a weapon. I had read it in both French and English. Considering Adrian had once gotten bored while reading a particularly long menu, I had a hard time imagining he’d read the Hugo book in any language. So how did he know the reference? It doesn’t matter, Sydney, a stern Alchemist voice said inside my head. Delete it. It’s irrelevant. Adrian’s literary knowledge (or lack thereof) is no concern of yours.

But I couldn’t do it. I had to know. This was the kind of detail that would drive me crazy. I wrote back with a quick message: How do you know about 24601? I refuse to believe you read the book. You saw the musical, right?

I hit send and received a response back from him almost immediately: SparkNotes.

Typical. I laughed out loud and immediately felt guilty. I shouldn’t have responded. This was my personal e-mail account, but if the Alchemists ever felt the need to investigate me, they’d have no qualms about accessing it. This kind of thing was damning, and I deleted the e-mail exchange-not that it mattered. No data was ever truly lost.

By the time I landed in Palm Springs at seven the next morning, it was painfully obvious that I had surpassed my body’s limits to subsist on caffeine. I was too exhausted. No amount of coffee would help anymore. I nearly fell asleep at the airport’s curb, waiting for my ride. When it arrived, I didn’t notice until I heard my name called.

Dimitri Belikov jumped out of a blue rental car and strode toward me, grabbing hold of my suitcase before I could utter a word. A few nearby women stopped talking to stare at him admiringly. I got to my feet. “You don’t have to do that,” I said, even though he was already loading my suitcase into the trunk.

“Of course I do,” he said, his words lightly touched with a Russian accent. He gave me a small smile. “You looked like you were asleep.”

“I should be so lucky,” I said, getting into the passenger side. Even if I’d been wide awake, I knew Dimitri would’ve taken my suitcase anyway. That’s how he was, a lost remnant of chivalry in the modern world, ever-ready to help others.

That was only one of the many striking things about Dimitri. His looks alone were certainly enough to make many halt in their tracks. He had dark brown hair pulled back into a short ponytail, with matching brown eyes that seemed mysterious and alluring. He was tall, too-about 6′7″-rivaling some Moroi. Dhampirs were indistinguishable from humans to me, so even I could admit that he scored pretty high on the attractiveness scale.

There was also an energy around him that you couldn’t help but be affected by. He was always on alert, always ready for the unexpected. I’d never seen his guard down. He was constantly ready to strike. He was dangerous, no question, and I was comforted that he was on our side. I always felt safe around him-and a little wary.

“Thanks for the ride,” I added. “I could’ve called a taxi.” Even as I spoke, I knew my words were as useless as when I’d told him he didn’t need to help me with my bag.

“It’s no problem,” he assured me, driving toward suburban Palm Springs. He wiped sweat off his brow and somehow made that look attractive. Even this early in the morning, the heat was beginning to build. “Sonya insisted. Besides, no experiments today.”

I frowned at that. Those experiments and the amazing potential they represented to prevent the creation of more Strigoi were vastly important. Dimitri and Sonya knew that and were dedicated to the cause-especially on weekends, when Adrian and Eddie didn’t have classes-which made this news so puzzling. My own work ethic had a hard time understanding why there’d be no research happening on a Sunday.

“Adrian?” I guessed. Maybe he wasn’t “in the mood” for research today.

“Partially,” said Dimitri. “We’re also missing our control subject. Eddie said he had some conflict and couldn’t make it.”

My frown deepened. “What conflict could Eddie have?”

Eddie was intensely dedicated too. Adrian sometimes called him mini-Dimitri. Although Eddie was going to high school and completing assignments just like me, I knew he’d drop any homework in an instant to help out with the greater good. I could think of only one thing that would take precedence over helping find a “cure” for being Strigoi. My heart suddenly raced.

“Is Jill okay?” She had to be. Someone would have told me, right? Eddie’s main purpose in Palm Springs-and mine-was to keep her safe. If she was in danger, it would trump everything else.

“She’s fine,” said Dimitri. “I talked to her this morning. I’m not sure what’s going on, but Eddie wouldn’t be away without good reason.”

“I suppose not,” I murmured, still concerned.

“You worry as much as me,” teased Dimitri. “I didn’t think that was possible.”

“It’s my job to worry. I always have to make sure everyone’s okay.”

“Sometimes it’s not a bad thing to make sure you’re okay too. You might find it actually helps others.”

I scoffed. “Rose always joked about your ‘Zen Master Wisdom.’ Am I getting a taste of it? If so, I can see why she was helpless against your charms.”

This earned me one of Dimitri’s rare, genuine laughs. “I think so. If you ask her, she’ll claim it was the staking and decapitation. But I’m sure it was the Zen wisdom that won her in the end.”

My answering smile immediately melted into a yawn. It was amazing that I could joke with a dhampir. I used to have panic attacks being in the same room with them or Moroi. Slowly, over the last six months, my anxiety had begun to ease up. I’d never shake the feeling of “otherness” I got from all of them, but I’d come a long way. Part of me knew it was a good thing that I still drew that line between them and humans, but it was also good to be flexible in order to make my job smoother. Not too flexible, that inner Alchemist voice warned.

“Here we are,” said Dimitri, pulling up in front of my dorm at Amberwood Prep. If he’d noticed my shift in mood, he didn’t say so. “You should get some rest.”

“I’ll try,” I said. “But I need to find out what’s going on with Eddie first.”

Dimitri’s face turned all-business. “If you can find him, you should bring him over tonight, and we can see about getting a little work done. Sonya would love it. She has some new ideas.”

I nodded, reminding myself that that was the kind of standard we needed to adhere to. Work, work, work. We had to remember our higher goals. “I’ll see what I can do.”

I thanked him again and then headed inside, filled with resolve to carry out my mission. So, it was a bit disappointing when my lofty goals were shattered so quickly.

“Miss Melrose?”

I turned immediately at the sound of the last name I’d assumed here at Amberwood. Mrs. Weathers, our plump, elderly dorm matron, was hurrying over to me. Her face was lined with worry, which couldn’t bode well.

“I’m so glad you’re back,” she said. “I trust you had a good family visit?”

“Yes, ma’am.” If by “good,” she meant “terrifying and unsettling.”

Mrs. Weathers beckoned me over to her desk. “I need to talk to you about your cousin.”

I held back a grimace as I recalled Jill’s e-mail. Cousin Angeline. All of us attending Amberwood were doing so under fake family connections. Jill and Eddie were my siblings. Angeline was our cousin. It helped explain why we were always together and getting involved with each other’s business.

I sat down with Mrs. Weathers and thought longingly of my bed. “What’s happened?” I asked.

Mrs. Weathers sighed. “Your cousin is having trouble with our dress code.”

That was a surprise. “But we have uniforms, ma’am.”

“Of course,” she said. “But not outside of classes.”

That was true. I was in khaki dress pants and a green short-sleeved blouse, along with a small gold cross I always wore. I did a mental rundown of Angeline’s wardrobe, trying to recall if I’d ever seen anything concerning about it. Probably the most appalling part was its quality. Angeline had come from the Keepers, a mixed community of humans, Moroi, and dhampirs who lived in the Appalachian Mountains. Along with a lack of electricity and plumbing, the Keepers chose to make a lot of their clothing or at least wear it into threads.

“Friday night, I saw her wearing the most appallingly short jean shorts,” continued Mrs. Weathers with a shudder. “I immediately chastised her, and she told me they were the only way she could be comfortable in the heat outside. I gave her a warning and advised she find more appropriate attire. Saturday, she appeared in the same shorts and a tank top that was totally indecent. That was when I suspended her to the dorm for the rest of the weekend.”

“I’m sorry, ma’am,” I said. Really, I had no idea what else to say. I’d spent the weekend caught up in the epic battle to save humanity, and now… jean shorts?

Mrs. Weathers grew hesitant. “I know… well, I know this isn’t really anything you should be involved in. It’s a parental matter. But, seeing as how you’re so responsible and look out for the rest of your family…”

I sighed. “Yes, ma’am. I’ll take care of it. Thank you for not taking more severe action against her.”

I went upstairs, my small suitcase growing heavier with each step. When I reached the second floor, I stopped, unsure what to do. One more floor would take me to my room. This floor would take me to “Cousin Angeline.” Reluctantly, I turned into the second floor hall, knowing the sooner this was dealt with, the better.

“Sydney!” Jill Mastrano opened the dorm room’s door, her light green eyes shining with joy. “You’re back.”

“So it seems,” I said, following her inside. Angeline was there as well, lounging on her bed with a textbook. I was pretty sure that was the first time I’d ever seen her study, but the house arrest probably limited her recreational options.

“What did the Alchemists want?” asked Jill. She sat cross-legged on her own bed and began absentmindedly playing with the strands of her curly, light brown hair.

I shrugged. “Paperwork. Boring stuff. Sounds like things were a little more exciting here.” That was delivered with a pointed look at Angeline.

The dhampir girl jumped off her bed, face furious and blue eyes flashing. “It wasn’t my fault! That Weathers woman was completely out of line!” she exclaimed, a slight southern drawl in her words.

A quick scan of Angeline showed nothing too concerning. Her jeans were threadbare but decent, as was her T-shirt. Even her mop of strawberry blonde hair was tame for a change, tied back in a ponytail.

“What on earth did you wear that got her so upset then?” I asked.

Scowling, Angeline went to her dresser and produced a pair of jean shorts with the most ragged hem I’d ever seen. I thought they’d unravel before my eyes. They were also so short that I wouldn’t have been surprised if they showed underwear when she wore them.

“Where did you get those?”

Angeline almost looked proud. “I made them.”

“With what, a hacksaw?”

“I had two pairs of jeans,” she said pragmatically. “It was so hot out, I figured I might as well turn one into shorts.”

“She used a knife from the cafeteria,” said Jill helpfully.

“Couldn’t find the scissors,” explained Angeline.

My bed. Where was my bed?

“Mrs. Weathers mentioned something about an indecent shirt too,” I said.

“Oh,” said Jill. “That was mine.”

I felt my eyebrows rise. “What? I know you don’t own anything ‘indecent.”’ Before Angeline had come along a month ago, Jill and I had been roommates.

“It’s not,” agreed Jill. “Except, it’s not really Angeline’s size.”

I glanced between the two girls and understood. Jill was tall and slim, like most Moroi, with a figure much coveted among human fashion designers, a figure I would’ve killed to have. Jill had even done some modeling. With that figure came a modest chest. Angeline’s chest… was not so modest. If she wore a tank top in Jill’s size, I imagined the shirt’s structural integrity would indeed be stretched to indecent limits.

“Jill wears that tank top all the time and doesn’t get in trouble,” said Angeline defensively. “I figured there wouldn’t be a problem if I borrowed it.”

My head was starting to hurt. Still, I supposed this was better than the time Angeline had been caught making out with a guy in the boys’ bathroom. “Well. This is easily fixed. We can go-well, I can go since you’re stuck here-and get you some clothes in your size tonight.”

“Oh,” Angeline said, suddenly turning more upbeat, “you don’t have to. Eddie’s handling it.”

If not for Jill nodding along, I would’ve thought it was a joke. “Eddie? Eddie’s buying you clothes?”

Angeline sighed happily. “Isn’t that nice of him?”

Nice? No, but I understood why Eddie would do it. Getting decent clothes for Angeline was the last thing he probably wanted to do, but he would do it. Like me, he understood duty. And now I could guess why Eddie had canceled the experiments-and been vague about his reasons for doing so.

I immediately took out my cell phone and called him. He answered right away, like always. I was certain he was never more than three feet from his phone at all times. “Hello, Sydney. Glad you’re back.” He paused. “You are back, right?”

“Yeah, I’m with Jill and Angeline. I understand you’ve been doing some shopping.”

He groaned. “Don’t get me started. I just walked into my room.”

“You want to swing by with your purchases? I need the car back anyway.”

There was a moment’s hesitation. “Would you mind coming over here? As long as Jill’s okay. She is okay, right? She doesn’t need me? Because if she does-”

“She’s fine.” His dorm wasn’t far, but I’d been hoping for a quick nap. Nonetheless, I found myself agreeing, just like I always did. “Okay. I’ll meet you in the lobby in about fifteen minutes?”

“Sounds good. Thanks, Sydney.”

As soon as I disconnected, Angeline asked excitedly, “Is Eddie coming over?”

“I’m going to him,” I said.

Her face fell. “Oh. Well, I guess it doesn’t matter since I have to stay here anyway. I can’t wait until I’m free to train again. I’d like to get some more one-on-one time with him.” I hadn’t realized how focused Angeline was on her training. In fact, she seemed really excited about the prospect of it.

I left their room and was surprised to find Jill right behind me once the door shut. Her eyes were wide and anxious. “Sydney… I’m sorry.”

I regarded her curiously, wondering now if she’d done something. “For what?”

She gestured toward the door. “For Angeline. I should have done better at keeping her out of trouble.”

I almost smiled. “That’s not your job.”

“Yeah, I know…” She glanced down, letting some of her long hair fall forward. “But still. I know I should be more like you. Instead, I’ve just been… you know. Having fun.”

“You’re entitled to it,” I said, trying to ignore the subtle commentary on me.

“I should still be more responsible,” she argued.

“You are responsible,” I assured her. “Especially compared to Angeline.” My family had a cat back in Utah that I was pretty sure was more responsible than Angeline.

Jill’s face brightened, and I left her so that I could return the suitcase to my room. Angeline’s arrival and my work in busting Keith had earned me my own private room in the dorm, something I treasured. Inside it, everything was quiet and orderly. My perfect world. The one place that the chaos of my life couldn’t touch. The neatly made bed was asking to be slept in. Begging, really. Soon, I promised it. I hope.

Amberwood Prep was divided into three campuses, East (where the girls were housed), West (where the boys were), and Central (containing all the academic buildings). A shuttle bus ran between them on a regular schedule, or brave souls could walk between them in the heat. I usually didn’t mind the temperatures, but walking seemed like a lot of work today. So, I took the shuttle to West Campus and tried to stay awake.

The lobby of the boys’ dorm was a lot like my own, people coming and going to either catch up on academic work or simply enjoy the Sunday off. I glanced around, but Eddie wasn’t here yet.

“Hey, Melbourne.”

I turned and found Trey Juarez approaching, a grin on his tanned face. He was a senior like me and had picked up the Melbourne nickname after one of our teachers proved incapable of remembering Melrose. Honestly, with all these names, it was a wonder I knew who I was anymore.

“Hey, Trey,” I said. Trey was a bona fide high school football star-but also pretty brainy, no matter how much he tried to hide it. We got along well as a result, and my help in restoring his athletic status last month had gone a long way to raise my stock in his eyes. A backpack hung on one of his shoulders. “Are you finally going to finish that chem lab write-up?”

“Yup,” he said. “Me and half the cheerleading squad. You want to join us?”

I rolled my eyes. “Somehow I doubt there’ll be much work going on. Besides, I’m meeting Eddie.”

Trey gave an easy shrug and brushed some unruly black hair out of his eyes. “Your loss. See you tomorrow.” He took a couple of steps and then glanced back at me. “Hey, are you dating anyone?”

I immediately started to say no, and then a panicked thought occurred to me. I had a tendency to take things very literally. Friends of mine here, Kristin and Julia, had been trying to train me up in the subtleties of high school social life. One of their chief lessons was that what people said wasn’t always what they meant-particularly in romantic matters.

“Are you… are you asking me out?” I asked, taken aback. This was the last thing I needed right now. How should I respond? Should I say yes? Should I say no? I’d had no idea helping him with chemistry homework would be so alluring. I should’ve made him do it on his own.

Trey looked as startled by the thought as I was. “What? No. Of course not.”

“Thank God,” I said. I liked Trey, but I had no interest in dating him-or figuring out what the appropriate way to say “no” would be.

He shot me a wry look. “You don’t have to look that relieved.”

“Sorry,” I said, trying to mask my embarrassment. “Why’d you ask?”

“Because I know the perfect guy for you. I’m pretty sure he’s your soul mate.”

We were back in familiar territory now: logic vs. lack of logic. “I don’t believe in soul mates,” I said. “It’s statistically unreasonable that there’s only one ideal person for everyone in the world.” And yet, for half a moment, I wished it was kind of possible. It’d be nice to have someone who understood some of the things that went on in my head.

Trey rolled his eyes. “Okay. Not a soul mate. How about just someone you could maybe go out with once in a while and have a nice time with?”

I shook my head. “I don’t have time for anything like that.” And I didn’t. Keeping everything in order with the group, and pretending to be a student, was a full time job as it was.

“I’m telling you, you’d like him. He goes to a public school and just started at Spencer’s.” Spencer’s was a coffee shop Trey worked at, an arrangement that yielded me discounts. “The other day, he was going off on unaerobic vs. aerobic respiration, and I was thinking, ‘You know who this sounds like? Melbourne.’”

“It’s anaerobic respiration,” I corrected. “And it still doesn’t mean I have the time. Sorry.” I had to admit, I was immensely curious about how that topic would have come up between baristas, but figured it was best not to encourage Trey.

“Okay,” he said. “Don’t say I never tried to help you.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” I assured him. “Hey, there’s Eddie.”

“My cue to go then. See you guys.” Trey gave a mock salute to Eddie and me. “Don’t forget my offer if you want a hot date, Melbourne.”

Trey left, and Eddie shot me an astonished look. “Did Trey just ask you out?”

“No. He’s just got some co-worker he wants to set me up with.”

“Maybe that’s not a bad idea.”

“It’s a terrible idea. Let’s go outside.”

The desert heat didn’t seem to care that it was October, and I led us to a bench right by the dorm’s stucco walls. Partial shade from some nearby palm trees offered mild relief. People swore the temperature would taper soon, but I’d seen no sign of change. Eddie handed me my car keys and a shopping bag from a local superstore.

“I had to guess at size,” he told me. “When in doubt, I went big. Figured it was safer that way.”

“Probably.” I sat down on a bench and rifled through his purchases. Jeans, khakis, a few solid colored T-shirts. They were very practical, very much something a no-nonsense guy like Eddie would pick out. I approved. “The size actually looks right. Good eye. We’ll have to send you out shopping more often.”

“If that’s what I have to do,” he said, face serious. I couldn’t help but laugh in surprise.

“I was joking.” I put the shirts back in the bag. “I know that couldn’t have been fun.” Eddie’s face gave nothing away. “Oh, come on. It’s okay. You don’t have to play stoic with me. I know you didn’t enjoy it.”

“I’m here to do a job. Doesn’t matter if I enjoy it or not.”

I started to protest but then thought better of it. After all, wasn’t that my philosophy too? Sacrificing my own wants for higher goals? Eddie was intensely dedicated to this mission. He never backed down. I expected nothing less from him than single-minded focus.

“So, does that mean you’re up for some experiments tonight?” I asked.

“Of cours-” He stopped and reconsidered. “Are Jill and Angeline coming?”

“No. Angeline’s still under house arrest.”

“Thank God,” he said with visible relief.

His reaction was probably the most surprising thing to happen today. I couldn’t imagine why Eddie would look so relieved. Aside from his guardian loyalty to Jill, he was also crazy about her. He would’ve done anything for her, even if it wasn’t his job, but refused to share his feelings with her. He thought he was unworthy of a princess. An uneasy thought occurred to me.

“Are you… are you avoiding Jill because of her and Micah?”

Micah was Eddie’s roommate, a nice guy who caused Eddie all sorts of therapy-worthy trauma because he bore so much similarity to Eddie’s dead best friend, Mason. Micah also had a weird pseudo-dating relationship with Jill. None of us were happy about it, since (aside from the Keepers) humans dating Moroi or dhampirs was strictly taboo. We’d finally decided it would be impossible to keep Jill from a social life, and she swore nothing serious or physical was going on between her and Micah. They just spent a lot of time together. And flirted incessantly. He didn’t know the truth about her, but I wondered at what point he’d want more from their relationship. Eddie kept insisting it was better for Jill to have a casual relationship with a human than one with an “unworthy” dhampir like him, but I knew it had to be torturous.

“Of course not,” said Eddie sharply. “It’s not Jill I want to avoid. It’s Angeline.”

“Angeline? What’s she done now?”

Eddie ran a hand through his hair in frustration. His was a sandy blond, not far from my own, which was a dark gold. The similarity made it easy to pass ourselves off as twins. “She won’t leave me alone! She’s always dropping these suggestive comments when I’m around… and she won’t stop staring at me. Like, you wouldn’t think that’d be creepy, but it is. She’s always watching. And I can’t avoid her because she’s with Jill a lot of the time, and I have to keep Jill safe.”

I thought back on recent interactions. “Are you sure you’re reading this right? I’ve never noticed anything.”

“That’s because you don’t notice that kind of thing,” he said. “You cannot imagine how many excuses she finds to rub up against me.”

After seeing her homemade jean shorts, I actually could imagine it. “Huh. Well, maybe I can talk to her.”

Like that, Eddie snapped back to all-business. “No. It’s my problem, my personal life. I’ll deal with it.”

“Are you sure? Because I can-”

“Sydney,” he said gently. “You’re the most responsible person I know, but this isn’t what you’re here to do. You don’t have to take care of everything and everyone.”

“I don’t mind,” I said automatically. “It is what I’m here for.” But even as I said it, I wondered if that was true. A bit of the anxiety from the bunker returned, making me question if what I did was truly Alchemist responsibility or the desire to help those who-against protocol-had become my friends.

“See? Now you sound just like I did earlier.” He stood up and flashed me a grin. “You want to come with me to Adrian’s? Be responsible together?”

His words were meant as a compliment, but they echoed too close to what the Alchemists had told me. And Mrs. Weathers. And Jill. Everyone thought I was so amazing, so responsible and controlled.

But if I was so amazing, then why was I always so unsure if I was doing the right thing?